Eric Allen struggles to group series of words into sentences
May 18, 2007 Andre Johnson, Batman, Broken Record, Gary Kubiak, Offensive (punch)Line, Reggie Bush, The Schaub Experiment, Tony Boselli is dead
Memo to Eric Allen: When Joe Theismann comes off as more intelligent that you, it might be time to consider never writing anything ever again. Seriously.
From the latest ESPN burning questions:
Will the Texans be able to protect Matt Shaub?
Allen: I think the Texans are going to have the same protection problems they’ve had in the past. Houston doesn’t seem to understand the importance not only of surrounding the quarterback with playmakers but also of making sure he has the protection to get the ball to those playmakers. There will definitely be times this season when Schaub will wish he was still in Atlanta not taking some brutal hits.
Really, Eric? Schaub is going to wish that he was still on the bench in Atlanta, instead of being paid an asston* of money to throw to Andre Johnson as a starting QB? I call bullshit. (Also, other than Johnson and (possibly) Ahman Green, who are all these “playmakers” that the Texans have surrounded their QBs with? Last I checked, the big knock on the Texans–besides not having a living offensive lineman–was that they DIDN’T draft Bush/Young, DESPITE NEEDING playmakers.) Next, you’ll tell me that the biggest problem facing the Texans is that they won’t draft defensive linemen and linebackers to take some of the pressure off their All-Pro secondary.
Remember way back at the beginning of this post, when I suggested that Joe Theismann was sensible? Well, that’s only compared to Eric Allen. Still, Joe accidentally stumbles onto a nugget of truth in his answer when he offers
I don’t think protection will be as big of an issue because coach Gary Kubiak probably will try to run the ball as much as possible. That will provide protection for Schaub and also create space for receiver Andre Johnson on the outside in play-action situations. Kubiak is a brilliant offensive mind, and he’s going to find a way to make sure that Schaub stays on his feet this season.
Um… running the ball is certainly a way to open up passing options. No argument there, Joe. But running the ball successfully requires an offensive line, doesn’t it? So, if you are saying that Kubes will try to utilize Green in a ground-heavy attack, then you must be saying that there will be adequate blocking to accomplish such tact. On that point, we agree. Now we must never speak of this moment again.
*”Asston” is a metric measurement. That’s why you don’t recognize it.
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May 19th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Joe Theismann was a mediocre quarterback and even worse commentator. I have to agree with the assessment of him being rather dim. Whether it comes to analyzing football or articulating the most basic of thought processes, Joe doesn’t know whether to shit or wind his watch. Someone needs to pour him a big glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP!