An Open Letter to Mr. Randy Galloway
Aug 27, 2007 Inanity, Open Letters, Poetry, Righteous Indignation, Special Teams
Dear Randy,
I just wanted to write and offer a sincere “fuck you” in regards to your column–In Lousy Loss, Cowboys had Trifecta: Stink, Stank, Stunk–from this past Sunday.
To be clear, it’s not the overall message of your post I take issue with. I agree wholeheartedly that the Cowboys played like a bunch of ninnies. (That was the message of your post, wasn’t it? I find it so difficult to decipher poorly-written sports columns.)
No, my “fuck you” is directed at this line:
The Cowboys had an embarrassing “all three phases” first-half collapse against the Houston Texans, a team that will be lucky to win five regular-season games.
Lucky to win five, eh? And you are basing that on what, pray tell? My guess it that you’ve spent far too much time writing love letters to Tony Romo this offseason to actually look at the Texans. Of course, coming from Fort Worth–the ugly sister with an inbred crush on her drug-addict brother, Dallas–I suppose it only makes sense that you would be busy worshiping at the Altar of Botched Snaps.
Fact is, you were fed a steaming turd sandwich by a team that played its starters less than you did, rendered your blitzing defense more or less null and void, and featured a running back that your own announcers were laughing about until he ran all over you. Do you really want to say that this team is unlikely to wi–
Wait a second… did you really paraphrase “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” in your title?!? Did your group home arrange this job for you as a way to get you out in mainstream society? Do you wear a helmet? Are you going to treat your readers to “Romo Hears a Who” next? Would my message be easier for you to comprehend in some sort of rhyme?
I do not like you, sportswriting jerk
I do not like you, I hate your work
Your city’s a joke
Your analysis is too
From the depths of my heart
Randy, fuck you
I hope this helps. Keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Matt
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August 27th, 2007 at 9:34 am
lol. I can’t stand Galloway either. He is the afternoon Drive Time personality on the Dallas ESPN radio affiliate. He basically acts like a idiotic redneck on the radio, so I guess that gets huge ratings in big D.
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August 27th, 2007 at 10:16 am
I’m guessing it’s not a huge stretch for him to play the “idiotic redneck” role. Kind of like Rosie O’Donnell playing the fat lesbian.
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August 27th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Nice epiphany there in the middle of the post.
But look on the bright side. If the traditional media didn’t act like this on such a regular basis, then blogs like this & BRB wouldn’t be here today. It’s true evolution.
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August 27th, 2007 at 11:13 am
So, in a way, we have this assmonger to thank for Black Salaami?
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August 27th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Good post, Matt. I mentioned on BRB that I go to DBU, so I listen to Galloway often, and admit liking him on occasion, b/c he can be humorous. However, I listened when he interviewed Richard Justice on Friday and they (that is, he, Brian Esteridge, along with Mark Followill, the Mavs play-by-play man) had to bring up Reggie Bush and VY. I must admit that I was not none too please.
Anyway, since I generally enjoy shock value, and Galloway is darned good at that, I enjoy that. But, when it comes to Houston, and anything to do with her, he is awful with his Grand Prairie self.
Thanks,
D.P.
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August 27th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
classic.