It hurts doesn’t it? Your hopes dashed, your dreams down the toilet. And your fate is sitting right besides you.
Oct 11, 2007 2007 Season, Andre Johnson, Injury bug, Nnamdi Asomugha, Posts that list too many players, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
I have a question for male readers who have shared their bed with a pregnant woman. Do they all snore like a comatose warthog? Or am I just lucky?
Last week: 10-4 (!)
Season: 47-28
Week 6 Picks
Byes: Indianapolis, Buffalo, San Francisco, Pittsburgh, Denver, Detroit
St. Louis @ Baltimore. Scott Linehan told reporters this week that he was not embarrassed by his team’s play thus far, but that he was a little humbled. He then pulled down his pants, showed his balls to the camera, and said “everyone who drafted Steven Jackson can eat these!” Pick: Baltimore
JUGGERNAUT @ Jacksonville. OK, I’m going to come out and ask it: why is no one questioning the wisdom of Andre Johnson going over the middle in the fourth quarter of the 31-14 game? With the way we’d dominated the game and only 12 minutes remaining, shouldn’t Andre have been resting at that point? You know, in case Schaub accidentally threw a bad pass that wound up getting Andre hurt, causing our best WR to miss three or four games? I’m just sayin’. Pick: Houston
Miami @ Cleveland. I am going to join the chorus of people saying that the Browns are a lot better than we thought they’d be. Not playoff caliber, but certainly better than teams like Miami. I look for them to put a metaphorical knee in the head of Cleo Lemon and the Dolphins. Pick: Cleveland
Minnesota @ Chicago. If you took Chicago, removed all the cool shit, and then turned the temperature down 15 degrees, you’d have Minneapolis. I’ve been to the Twin Cities twice, which is two more times than I recommend anyone go there. Unless, of course, you like frostbite, hotdish, and Garrison Keillor. All that said, though, Brian Griese and Cedric Benson against a strong front seven is not a recipe for success. Pick: Minnesota
Washington @ Green Bay. Right now, a person could make a pretty good argument that the Redskins are the second-best team in the NFC. A win over Green Bay would pretty much prove it. Of course, neither of these teams can beat the Colts or Pats, so who fucking cares? Pick: Washington
Cincinnati @ Kansas City. After the way the Jags manhandled the Chiefs last week, holding them to 10 yards rushing on the day, can we all agree that the AFC South is far-and-away the best division in football? As for this game, flip a coin because either one of them is capable of playing poorly enough to lose on Sunday. Pick: Cincinnati
Tennessee @ Tampa Bay. Vince Young continues to pull of the “he just wins” part of his myth with alarming regularity. Considering his domination of both Michigan and the Texans, I should hate the guy…but I can’t. Don’t get me wrong–I’ll never root for him. Still, he’s impressive. The fucker. Pick: Tennessee
Philadelphia @ New York Jets. I realized just a second ago that I picked the Eagles to win the NFC East this year. Looking back at the predictions, though, my NFC is jacked up in a number of places. That’s what happens when you try to handicap a conference that is composed entirely of teams that would struggle to finish above .500 in the AFC. (I’m only slightly exaggerating here.) So, my new rule for this year is, when faced with a shitty NFC team and a shitty AFC team, take the AFC. Pick: New York Jets
Carolina @ Arizona. I looked forward to a Jake Delhomme injury because I was thrilled at the prospect of watching Johnny Whitegloves “lead” the Panthers. Of course, he promptly bruised his labia, the Panthers signed Vinnie Testaverde, and David might not have a starting job if Vinnie shows that he is better than Carr. Which, you know, basically requires him to throw to Steve Smith. Pick: Arizona
New England @ Dallas. Five fucking interceptions, one fumble, and the assholes still manage to win? Jesus, I hate the Cowboys. I have no love for New England, but I can’t stand the thought of Dallas being 6-0. And what the fuck was with interviewing Tony Romo after the game instead of, you know, Nick Folk? Guh. Pick: New England
Oakland @ San Diego. So, wait. Just because San Diego dominated a Denver team that also lost to Oakland earlier in the year, we are supposed to believe that the Norv Turner Experience is finally on track? I’m not buying. Oakland is a lot better than we thought. (Yes, I just threw that line in so I could quote it in the offseason as I sing the praises of Asomugha.) Pick: Oakland
New Orleans @ Seattle. If New Orleans could go back and redo the 2006 Draft knowing what they know now, do you think they hesitate on the Bush pick? Maybe for just a little bit? Pick: Seattle
New York Giants @ Atlanta. Let’s see, the last time the Giants went against a team with a young left tackle, they racked up 12 sacks. The Falcons currently feature a left and right tackle who were signed as undrafted free agents. I don’t see this ended well for Joey Harrington. And I am glad. I hope they kill the sonofabitch. Pick: New York Giants
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October 11th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
I will now give you the best advice you have ever, or will ever, receive:
Soften the cervix.
It’s great for the baby and the mother. Know how it’s done? Well……
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October 11th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
No, I’ll give you the best advice ever:
Make her sleep in the garage. (Unless it’s real cold outside, then make her sleep outside. It’s no fun when the windshield gets frost on it.)
Liston
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October 12th, 2007 at 7:22 am
Just be happy she is able to sleep at all. Cranky tired uncomfortable pregos are not fun people to be around.
As for your AJ comment, it is a thought that crossed my mind. I am thinking that AJ would be pulled out of a game kicking and screaming. I think he was really having fun playing and scoring TDs, something that has been in short supply for him in the past because of YKW.
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October 12th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Oh, she has no problem sleeping. That’s fo’ DAMN sure. She just sleeps with sound effects. You know… snoring, the occasional fart, etc.
And BFD, I wish I could place bets on things like “who is most likely to use the word ‘cervix’ in a comment?”
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October 12th, 2007 at 8:17 am
For the record, I’ll take a shitty AFC team over even a good NFC team (all 1 of them). Hell, the Bills almost beat the Cowboys, and the Bills are about the worst the AFC has to offer.
And anyone who debates the AFC South is the best division in football, at this point in the season, is crazy. Every team we’ve got has a winning record and a positive scoring differential. The only non-divisional loss is ours to the Falcons, and part of me refuses to believe that actually happened, no matter what they say. I’m curious to know if there has ever been a division in week 5 where this was true (the scoring differential and winning record).
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October 12th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
You already have a kid, so you know, but you’ll be begging for to have the warthog back once the kid is born. Actually, in my special case, I’ve been dealing with the new kid AND the warthog for the last two weeks (but I’m not tired and/or bitter about it). It’s cool to have a son now, but I can’t wait until I can sleep enough that I’m not wishing for death as I drive to work in the morning.
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October 12th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
I’m also fond of her threatening to murder me when I suggest that maybe she could roll over so that she’s not warthogging right in my ear. Good times!
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October 12th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
Best pregnancy advice: take advantage of months 4-6, cause you won’t be having sex for three months prior to or after your child being born.
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January 5th, 2008 at 12:51 am
[...] risk of sounding really lame, every now and then, I realize just how awesome my wife is. I’ve mentioned before that, when pregnant, she snores like a bulldog on quaaludes, right? Well, aside from occasionally [...]