Bye Week QB Issues
Oct 24, 2007 2007 Season, Fake Conversations with Real People, Inanity, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
John Fox: Ahh…the long weekend of the bye week. The team is taking three days off, there are no secretaries around…nothing like having a little Me Time. Just a coach, his private office, no pants, and two-and-a-half Gigs of Cytherea porn. Time to rub one out.
*phone rings*
Fox: Fuck!
*answers phone* Who is it?
Voice: Coach, this is Pat Yasinskas from the Charlotte Observer. I was just wondering about the quarterba–
Fox: No comment.
Yasinskas: Well, it’s just that the fans want to know who will be sta–
Fox: I said no comment.
*hangs up phone*
Jesus. Now, where was I? Ah, yes…Squirtwoman 2. Very nice. Oooh. Ahhhh. Yeah. Mmmhmm. Ooooooh.
*phone rings*
Fox: *answers phone* Speak.
Second Voice: Oh, sorry. Is this a bad time?
Fox: Who is this?
SV: I’m from the Associated Press. What’s the quarterback situation there in Carolina?
Fox: One’s gay and one’s old.
*hangs up phone* Come to papa, Cytherea. Heh… “come.” Ah. Grr. Hnnngh. Ffffft. Ah Ah AHHHH–
*phone rings*
Fox: SWEET FUCKING CHRIST ON THE CROSS! WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO TO FUCKING WHACK OFF AROUND HERE??!
*answers phone*
WHAT?!
Third Voice: Hey, Coach. It’s Dave. I just thought I should tell you that my back is feeling pretty good and I th–
Fox: Feeling good, huh?
Carr: Yeah.
Fox: Nice and limber?
Carr: Yep.
Fox: Then you won’t have any problem when you GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!
*slams phone down* OK, now I can handle my bus–well, if this isn’t fucking fantastic. My dick’s gone softer than Dan Morgan’s brain. Now…Just calm down, John. Get a hold of yourself. That glovewearing Nancy may have fucked up the team, but he won’t fuck this up. Just breathe and watch the pretty little porn slut get freak nasty with that double-ender. Squirtwoman is your favorite; you love her. Remember that.
*watches porn*
*looks angrily at penis*
*watches porn*
*looks angrily at penis*
*turns off monitor*
*weeps*
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October 24th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
I eagerly await the Fox/Carr entry where John Fox and Steve Smith conspire to glue Mickey Mouse’s gloves together during a film session.
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October 24th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Just read this article, thought you might enjoy it: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=wickersham_seth&id=3068786
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October 24th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
I will take credit for Seth saying nicer things about the Texans. He wrote a really unfair article about Mario Williams in ESPN the mag and so I kindly emailed him something I wrote about it, how I thought the media was being outrageously unfair to a guy who didn’t deserve that, that by all accounts was supposed to be a nice southern country guy.
Here’s the article I wrote:
http://blogs.chron.com/fanblogtexans/2006/07/mario_williams_media_hackery_a_1.html
After that, I noticed Wickersham tended to write kinder things about the Texans. Don’t know if it was coincidental.
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October 24th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
I will take credit for eventually making Richard Justice’s head explode. You can all thank me then.
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October 25th, 2007 at 8:16 am
I will thank you with an alibi.
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October 25th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
http://mistermittens.org/
Be prepared to piss yourself.
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October 25th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Oh my lord. God bless you, Jersey Bill.