An Open Letter to Travis Johnson
Dec 24, 2007 2007 Season, Anger, Colts Shmolts, God hates ugly, Self-Referential Stuff, Travis Johnson is a piece of shit, Tremendous Busts
Dear Shitbag,
This is the thanks I get for being your biggest apologist and defender in the whole fucking universe? Fuck you. Fuck you straight to hell.
Consider: Despite you doing next to nothing since being drafted, I immediately jumped on the bandwagon when you seemed to pick up your play in the preseason. When you taunted an unconscious man, not only did I write what I believe to be one of my two or three best posts in response, I went on Big Blue Shoe’s fucking podcast to defend your ignorant ass. When I went to the Titans game at Reliant, I cheered for you as you played perhaps your best game as a Texan. And whenever the talk turned to the 2008 team, rather than join the Trade Travis movement, I consistently penciled you in at Nose Tackle alongside Amobi Okoye, despite the fact that you are better suited to play the Under Tackle position.
No more. As of today, I am done.
Do you realize how fucking ridiculous you looked getting not one, but TWO completely avoidable late hit fouls? On the first one, you were still being blocked Manning went down right in front of you. You had a clear view of the play as Mario rode him to the ground. There was no way you could have thought that the play was still live or that Manning had fumbled. Yet, you pounced on him like were trying to be some kind of hard ass thug. Not long thereafter, you ran directly at a play where two Texans had tackled the ball carrier, took nearly three steps after the whistle had blown, then lowered your large, empty head and rammed it into the other player’s helmet. Fucking brilliant. Hell, in between those plays, you had another helmet-to-helmet hit that wasn’t called. It was almost as if you’d decided that this was the game where you were going to make a name for yourself as the biggest retard in the National Football League.
You, sir, are a classless, piece-of-shit, moron asshole who brings nothing positive to the table. I cannot wait until you are no longer a member of the Houston Texans organization. I wish you nothing but the worst from here on out. You fuck.
Sincerely,
Matt
P.S. I hope you contract gonorrhea from a transvesite hooker.
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December 25th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
This has to be one the funniest post I have read this year. I will be honest I do not know this player or his past but I was surprised at his confused look after these calls, like he was being picked on by the refs. I think this makes 99 dangerous because he doesn’t seem to understand bounderies and ethics. I think Houston would be better off without this guy! The Texans are a much better team than the Colts saw Sunday, its good to remember that the Texans are without their starting QB.
See you guys next year,
Allen from Indy
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December 26th, 2007 at 8:09 am
I continue to stick to my guns:
http://www.battleredblog.com/story/2007/8/1/103951/5077#4
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December 26th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
I remember getting so mad during that draft that we traded down a couple spots to get Travis Johnson instead of Derrick Johnson.
Of course, DeMeco would have taken Derrick Johnson’s job away anyway, so I guess it’s halfway better… right?
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December 26th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
@TBL: The good news is that DJ will be a free agent before the 2010 season (if memory serves), right around the time Morlon has outlived his usefulness. He would almost certainly welcome a chance to come back to Texas…unless he holds a grudge over the draft thing.
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December 26th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
I like players with grudges almost as much as I like women who bring me beer before I ask. So put me down in favor of the “bring Derrick back to Texas” campaign.
This is the point where a leader on the defensive side of the ball needs to get up in Johnson’s grill and tell him to chill the fuck out, akin to the Falcons ganging up on DeAngelo Hall to put him in his place.
This is, of course, coming from a 170 lb. white boy talking about a huge motherfucker, but still…
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December 26th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
@Rob: You get bonus points for using the phrase “get up in Johnson’s grill.” I nominate Dexter Wynn–all 5′9″/177 of him–to do it, just because I can’t think of a funnier sight than the two of them fighting.
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December 27th, 2007 at 7:32 am
I’ve had the night to let this whole thing soak in, and here is the conclusion I have come to. We need to desparately solicit a new community member who has some animation abilities. Because I would love to have a cartoon of Travis getting taser’d by HPD and then hit by the light-rail just outside the Reliant fence.
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If we can’t find anyone, then we’ll just have to put a Scarecrow on the tracks after practice….and hope he takes the bait.
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January 2nd, 2008 at 11:39 pm
[...] values “character” and “appearances” more than just about any team ever, so I really can’t see how Travis is on this roster come September. He will be gone either through trade (if we can find a sucker) or outright release closer to June [...]