NFL to Mario Williams: Fuck you.
Jan 24, 2008 2007 Season, Anger, Is Roger Goodell gonna have to choke a bitch?, Pro Bowl 2008, Righteous Indignation, Super Mario, Too soon?
With Jason Taylor injured and skipping out on the Pro Bowl, it seemed as if the gross injustice of Mario Williams being left off the roster was about to rectified. Just like it once seemed that Heath Ledger had a long, distinguished career ahead of him.
Instead, the powers that be have decided that Aaron Schobel will replace Taylor, leaving Mario still on the outside looking in. I will give someone a bright, shiny quarter if he or she can explain to me how Schobel’s 6.5 sack, 95 tackle season makes him a more deserving Pro Bowler than Mario Williams. There’s an extra quarter in it if you can explain it without using “because Schobel went down on Roger Goodell and swallowed.”
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January 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
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January 24th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
which Schobel is Aaron? I forget. The family mediocrity gene makes them all seem the same.
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January 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
What in the name of Shitty McShitpants is going on here?? This is seriously fucked. Mario making in the pro-bowl as the first (read: FIRST MOTHERFUCKING) alternate was one of the few bright spots I’ve been looking forward to over the next 3 weeks.
I don’t know nothing, but a hobo’s gonna die tonight!
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January 24th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
That is some seriously fucked up shit. Mario is gonna be pissed off all next season.
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January 24th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
@ Stacy: I was thinking the same thing. If there’s a silver lining in all this, it’s the fact that Mario is going to shit on QBs next season. And I don’t mean that as a euphemism. I think he is actually going to sack the QB, shit through their facemasks, take out a sharpie, and write “Fuck you Goodell” on the helmet.
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January 24th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Vega –
Mario = Osi?
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January 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Vega-
If that ever happened in a game I would have to have a picture made of it framed and then sent to Roger Goodell’s house as a present.
A well deserved present.
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January 24th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
If that ever happened, Joe Buck would spontaneously combust.
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Mario should do it.
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January 24th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Awesome news. I look forward to the 25 sack season Mario’s going to respond with next season.
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January 24th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
@charlie: The dude (Mario) abides.
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January 24th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I googled “Mario Williams Pro Bowl Alternate” and it came up with a few articles that stated Super Mario was actually the second alternate, and they’re dated from December.
Not that it makes any sense. How was Mario 2nd alternate?! I’m still baffled he wasn’t in the Top 3 at his position. Now you’re telling me that he is the 5th best DE in the AFC. OK. Someone explain THAT to me.
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January 24th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Not only that, look at how everyone has been drooling all over Osi’s jock lately. Sure, the dude had a field day for one game, but Mario was consistently fierce rushing the QB and made incredible strides in defending the running game.
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There’s a lot of idiocy working here, and has as been expressed, I hope it ends up with Mario being one talented, pissed, hard-working motherf*cker. BOOM!
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January 24th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Apparently, ESPN now gets the final vote in who the Pro Bowl replacements are.
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Where’s my 2 quarters bitch?
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January 25th, 2008 at 7:53 am
By the way Schobel only has 57 tackles, 45 of which were solo.
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January 25th, 2008 at 9:18 am
Next year I think Mario should sport one of those Rampage Jackson chains and go ape-shit on everyone in his path. You thought TJ’s taunting of Trent Green was uncalled for? Just you fuckin wait NFL. Mario is gonna fucking obliterate QBs, RBs, linemen, line judges, chain gangs, cheerleaders, and whoever else decides to look in his direction. Remember the Beastmaster movie when they poured that green shit into the ears of those masked freaks and they went out and ate babies and shit? Its gonna be like that.
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January 25th, 2008 at 9:36 am
@ SOLIS: He’s no Reggie Bush.
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January 25th, 2008 at 9:56 am
BFD,
if people were smart they wouldn’t be anywhere near Osi’s jock. That dude is dirty…
http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=4790
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January 25th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Nope. Reggie Bush and LT are scheduled to do some homoerotic fetish video where they take turns licking the underside of each other’s knees. It’s gonna be awesome, and by that I mean disgustingly gay.
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January 25th, 2008 at 11:38 am
@SOLIS: And that’s not to be confused with their BUKKAKE video or their animal/necrophelia video. the bukkake video has them getting jizzed on by the entire Patriots team. They’re hoping some of their mojo will soak in. That’s to be followed by them taking turns blowing dead animals they find on the road (video title: ROADKILL COCK). mmmm….armadillo cock. and…..they toss each other’s salads.
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January 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Maybe Osi should make a guest appearance in the Bukkake video….you know just to break up the monotony of all that jizz. Bellicheck would probably appreciate the chance to get some video of the giants anyway.
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January 25th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Hey Guys, just to update you on how badly we need real NFL journalists I asked “The General” on his blog today how the contract negotiations for Will Demps is going and this is what he said to me:
What is the situation with Will Demps? Are they trying to re-sign him?
{James, they want to re-sign Demps, but the truth is, they need to do better than Demps. He was good for what they needed at the time, but they need a FS with a lot of range. Hopefully, Brandon Harrison will be good enough because he has size and speed. — JOHN}
So his solution is to replace a Pro Bowl alternate(one who only played half a season with the team by the way) and replace him with a 7th rounder because they need more range. I wait for the day when someone with half a brain works for the chronicle.
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January 25th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
@grungedave: Just guh. But, you know, unto each their own. btw, the chick is hizz-ot! DAMNZ!
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@James: Thanks for the tip. Since my little exchange with Pancakes after the Saints game, I have gone to the chron site precisely one time…to read about the Dome/hotel thing (which is laughable). Harrison was a fifth rounder out of Stanford. Considering he was on the roster and didn’t have any stats, it’s….specious?…to think he’ll be able to step in and start. Sure, there’s a chance, but with 4.58 speed, I wonder just how rangy he is.
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Personally, I think we’ll be looking at FS in the draft.
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January 25th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
BFD
I agree with you that we will be looking in the draft for a FS not another fucking SS. Anyways since americas next top model made it into the pro bowl he will be asking for a lot of money, I think we should look in the draft and spend money on a CB to start right away.
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January 25th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
@BFD
Harrison didn’t have any stats because he was on the IR all season. He was getting good up to then. I think I remember something about this being an older Denver trick of “hiding” guys on the IR. I think it was a pulled hammy that kept him off the field all season. Camp reports were good, but to assume he can in and start is basically retarded.
@James
I don’t understand all the love for Demps. He had no business being named an alternate. I still want him re-signed, but he was far from great this year and could be upgraded….except in fake conversations with real people.
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January 25th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Hey Matt, did you get that Mario video I sent? It seems there may be a reason for his rampage now.
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January 25th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Papabear- Demps can easily be upgraded by most teams but since our options are either Will Demps, Boulware,Glen Earl,Jason Simmons or as The Hamburgular states a 5th(thanks for correcting me bfd) round draft pick who had a pulled hammy and a 4.58 40. So if we think we can bring in someone or draft someone better than Demps than I will trust that Kubiak and Smith will do that but I say keep him and draft 2 young guys to battle it out for the spot next to him because
C.C. Brown is one step above Matt Stephens.
My picks for Safety would be Craig Steltz to eventually be our SS, and either Quintin Demps or DaJuan Morgan.
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January 25th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Oh and just for the record I am telling people that the NFL was so scared of what MARIO would do to the QB’s in the Pro Bowl that they have made a rule where if any other able bodied (i.e. less good) DE in the NFL can get to Hawaii then they are automatically the next alternate.
And If I was Mario I would practice by learning how to rip off someone’s head and not kill them and then use it as my next sack dance.
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January 25th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Hold on. Now I don’t claim to be a genius when it comes to the defensive side of the ball, but I’m gonna go ahead and throw out the assumptions that I’m working on.
Strong Safety is generally regarded as run support. He provides some coverage in defense, but not much. Our entire Safety Corps is comprised of Strong Safeties. CC Brown, Glen Earl, Boulware, and Demps are all Strong Safeties, even if that’s not their official position.
Free Safety is a position where it is much more important to have coverage skills. This is why Von Hutchins was playing Free Safety before Dunta was injured. Not because he loves to hit people, but because of his cover skills. Additionally, you don’t have to have quite as much speed at this position, which is also why Von’s shortcomings were not as pronounced at this position. This is the same reason that many people are predicting that Dunta will move to safety if he loses a step. With Dunta, you could arguably put him at either position, but since he is relatively more valuable because of his coverage skills, he will probably move to Free Safety.
Now, I’m pretty sure that Brandon Harrison was a Free Safety, and was doing an adequate job during training camp, so we might be able to get by with him next year. Ideally, I think we should get a prototypical Free Safety and let our five Strong Safeties battle it out, and get a CB in free agency. This means drafting a FS, not a SS in the first round, getting a good RB in the third, and then getting O line and BPA throughout the rest of the draft.
***Disclaimer-
As I mentioned above, these are the assumptions that I’m working on. If I have completely misunderstood the difference between FS and SS, let me know, and I’ll be smarter for it. Also, the draft talk at the end is assuming that we don’t trade our pick, and that we don’t make any major free agent additions besides CB.
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January 26th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Dammit MDC, you told me FS was an average guy who wanted to play in the NFL, so they let him play for free. You make me feel so stupid. That probably means my tryout next year was a joke too.
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January 26th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Andy that’s true SS is more of a run stopper and FS is your coverage guy. My main point was that Demps is not your typical FS but right now he is our best option,and as for the draft talk I meant in the 3rd or later rounds. If we stay at 18 I just want a young impact player who will immediately be better than anyone else on our roster
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January 26th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Ok, so Will Demps might have the title of FS, but there is no way that he should be. My point, now that I have my assumptions affirmed, is that all of our Safeties are better suited to SS than FS. Which is why I disagree with drafting a SS in the draft, unless it is at the tail end of it. We have four or five guys who are suited to playing SS (Demps, Boulware, Earl, Brown) and no one who is really suited to FS, which is why I think we should ignore SS in the draft, and get a FS.
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January 26th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
All good points, Andy and James.
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Later tonight, I’m going to start a thread about this subject. As a preview, I’m already mentally placing Dunta at FS, which is my mistake. I just don’t think that he will be able to return to CB.
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January 26th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
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