An Open Letter to Bill Simmons, From My Giants-Fan Buddy, Rendhel
Feb 4, 2008 Anger, Cooper Manning gently weeps, Curious Coaching, Fuck the Cowboys, National Media, Open Letters, Super Bowl 2008, Teams that aren't the Texans, Tremendous Busts, Winner winner chicken dinner
How Dare You?
After a year of reading nothing but Patriots/Brady fellating from you, you have the audacity to write THAT as your post-Superbowl column? Where’s the mea culpa on Eli? Where’s the “sky is falling” commentary? Where’s the acknowledgment that the Giants literally beat the crap out of the Patriots?
Don’t write about how we got all the lucky bounces (false), how your offense just didn’t show up (only partially true), how the coaching staff didn’t call the game aggressively (untrue–how about going for it on 4th and 12? How about the fact that we shut you down on 3rd and short all game? How about the fact that you couldn’t block us?) Where’s the acknowledgment that we made Brady look not only human, but average? Where are the questions about why the perfect Tom Brady didn’t audible to max protect sets or 3 step drops once he realized they couldn’t contain our rush? Where’s the reminder to sports fans everywhere that October is NOT January (or February for that matter) and that there’s no substitute for playing tough hard nosed football in the playoffs? You used to know that. It’s how the Pats won their first three titles.
My Giants just punched Brady, Belichick and Rodney Harrison right in the face and reminded them that this is a man’s game. Take that fancy, all-throwing, non-physical ballet you called your offense and shove it up Beantown’s collective ass. The Patsies just joined the Karl Malone Lakers as the biggest poser teams to ever sell their souls for a championship and come up short. It’s the sports equivalent of cheating on your wife for the first time by renting a high-priced hooker only to find out that she’s got an 8-inch Johnson when you get her home. How’s it taste? The Giants are wicked awesome! Masshole.
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February 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I’m glad someone else felt this way. My first reaction after the game was to send about 5 profanity-laced emails to Simmons reminding him what an insufferable prick he is. Somewhere, he’s curled up in a pool of his own tears, rubbing a picture of the 86 Celtics against his junk. Fucking Massholes.
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February 4th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I guess what bugs me most about that is the talk about “lucky breaks”. Here are some lucky breaks… Eli’s red zone interception that bounced through the hands of Steve Smith; the 12th man on the field after getting stuffed on 3rd down; Eli throwing a pass into the hands of Asante Samuels on the last drive.
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The Patriots got plenty of lucky bounces, but they took a collective shit on them. They never took advantage. The Giants did not win because of “lucky breaks”, they won because they took it to the Pats.
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I remember at one point in the game, Brady was just sitting on the bench staring at the ground like he just found out he got some other bitch prego. You didn’t see that earlier in the season — or two weeks ago for that matter. No, this team got it taken to them by Manning.
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February 4th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
It amazed me that the Patriots were literally confounded by the Giants twice this year, and ended up losing the one that mattered the most. In neither game did they ever attempt to establish the run, or come up with an answer to the sell-out blitz attack that the Gmen sent all night long. Belichick, Brady, everyone- they just completely went blank as if they’ve never seen a blitz before.
I think about the AFC South and how important it is to be able to handle a blitzing Defense and wonder why we keep losing to the Pats since they apparently don’t know what to do.
Amazing.
And the Chester Pitts commercial was awesome. “Hi, I’m Chester Pitts. WHAM!”
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February 4th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
And this is why you should never listen to me.
Luckily I’ve retraced my steps for the most part and destroyed all evidence of my prediction that the ‘jints would have a top ten pick next year.
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February 4th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Now, Nash…you know we don’t listen to you, anyway. I mean, anyone with that kind of mancrush on Jake Plummer…
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/pretends not to have mancrush on Brian Griese
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February 4th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Geez this guy so desperately wishes he was Tom Brady it makes me sick. Well Tommy Brady played like Cindy Brady and his overrated team of cheaters lost.
Good for the rest of the entire universe I say and as for the whole 18-1 chant I hope he dreams about how awful his team played against a team whose best receiver who was playing on one leg still managed to out juke Ellis Hobbs(he of awesome skills). Screw him and the Pats, good for the Giants.
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February 5th, 2008 at 8:11 am
James, seriously, Giselle Bundchen? I wouldn’t mind being Tom Brady myself.
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“Oh, BFD, are you sure that’s legal?”
“No, Giselle, but it’ll all be OK. Trust me.”
“Whatever you say, dreamboat.”
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{As always, apologies to our female readers. But, it’s Giselle! A guy can dream, right? RIGHT??? OK, don’t answer that question.}
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February 5th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
@bfd: Best I can tell, we only have 4 female readers and the three I have talked to all have awesome senses of humor. I don’t know that you need to worry.