The Vapidity of the Chron…Again
Feb 9, 2008 Alex Gibbs, Anger, Awfulness, Dancing With the 'Tards, I really dig my readers
Eric sent me a little video today (and thanks!) starring two of DGDB&D’s favorite people: Pancakes McClain and Anna-Megan, whom Matt hates cuz she dumped his ass at his 7th grade Spring Dance. Anyway, guaranteed to make you 125% more dumb, here is the video. Go ahead, watch it, I dare you.
Done? Now look inside your underwear to remember your name. 1Tex, your name isn’t Tuesday, but close enough. You are reading a blog. Back with me? Sure? OK, back to the action.
What did you gain from this video? Anything? Personally, I learned nothing new regarding football. I did learn that Pancakes talks to a lot of people whom he believes to be very important, but they don’t actually tell him anything of substance. The whole thing was a one-man circle jerk starring Pancakes’ delicate ego. It was pitiful at best and a cry for help that someone tell him he’s really important at worst.
For someone who is supposedly an omnipotent insider who knows so much more than those nasty bloggers, he doesn’t know shit. And that’s for a reason. Do you think Smith or Kubiak or anybody will actually tell him something concrete? Hell no. At least here, we take the time to break down the possibilities and to try to be a step-ahead in the game. Pancakes is a stenographer with a press pass. Whenever he tries to tell you how important he is, think about the 5:22 of your life you just wasted watching him fluff himself in the video.
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February 9th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Is it possible that Pancakes might find himself up to his ears(or colon) in Tribbles and Crisco Shortening in a science fiction/erotica version of fake conversations with real people? He does bear a slight resemblence to Ned Beatty….time for a canoe trip?
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Yep, it’s time to get out the bleach and SOS pads to scrub that brain again.
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February 9th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Eh, I’m not going to knock them any time that they do something about the Texans. Their videos could be shorter and say the same thing–that’s why I prefer when he writes his Texans blog posts like he used to–doesn’t take as much time to read.
His videos are for a general audience who may not be that familiar with all things Texans. Something that you might not know is that one of the reasons Charley Casserly got in big problems with Bob McNair is that he was one of those GM’s that McClain was talking in the video about who didn’t give much imput by assistant coaches. Heard that information from a pretty good source. (interesting that McClain was talking about the sort of GM Smith was and didn’t bring up how he was different than Casserly in this regard).
That’s why the Texans had guys on the team that weren’t being developed. They were Casserly guys, and Capers wasn’t as high on them as Casserly was.
I understand that it is difficult to figure out things to write and things to video, and clearly some of their choices wouldn’t be mine. I save the media critique for when folks at the Chroncle say things that are just wrong or misguided, as opposed to mostly belaboring the obvious. Because if you look at the intellect of the general public out there, sometimes you have to get pretty obvious belaboring.
Nice to see your entry though–hadn’t seen the video because I had mostly given up on them.
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February 9th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
“His videos are for a general audience who may not be that familiar with all things Texans.”
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That’s one way to phrase it. Another way would be “his videos are for morons who can barely name three players on the team and only go to games because their company has a luxury box.”
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February 9th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Oh, I and hate her because she doesn’t swallow.
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February 9th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I guess I disagree, Steph. For example, and I might be wrong, but I don’t remember Pancakes talking about zone blocking, and wouldn’t this be a great opportunity to do so? Even just introduce the concept. And to your comment above, why *wouldn’t* he mention the contrast in the styles of the GMs. He had over five minutes to make a relevant point, but he spent most of that time talking about people he had talked to, and how smart they are, but never mentioning a specific name in all that time.
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And that’s where I have a problem with Pancakes in general. He could’ve talked about relevant issue. He could’ve talked about zone blocking and the difference in the two regimes, but he talked about himself. In other words, he completely missed the chance to elevate his readers because his ego was more important. If a reporter is to do one, solitary thing, isn’t it to educate their audience?
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In a broader scale, his performance encompasses the problem I have with traditional media in general. They have made themselves the news, themselves the important factor, and we are only here to bask in their glorious glory. It seems like they are more interested in becoming the newest Marvin Zindler rather than being a damn good reporter.
/rant
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February 9th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Matt, in the 7th grade??? Sheesh. Kids today….
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February 9th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Matt- I agree she sounds awful I mean what a bitch she broke up with you at the dance. Bitch
Steph-Sorry but I have to go with Matt and bfd here Pancakes is more interested in explaining to his readers who he knows in the industry rather than provide any actual reporting. He is the main reason why I stopped reading the Chronicle (the sports anyway) and between his fat ass and justice’s ability to be a huge douchebag who wants Vince’s children I hate that paper.
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February 10th, 2008 at 9:06 am
BFD, “Tuesday”! Cute, well I’ll just have to start callin you Skid Mark! Besides, last time someone asked me for an I.D. I just turned around and show’d em my belt…know whad I mean.
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February 10th, 2008 at 11:36 am
you said vapidity…hehehe…seriously, though…after watching that clip i realized how uncomfortable anna-megan looked…it was a very awkward moment in time…she was probably thinking “this pen feels really neat in my hands…probably how matt’s weiner would feel…maybe…i guess i’ll never know…”
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February 10th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Sorry Steph, you’re not going to have one of the top five answers on the board. I really don’t recall a “story” (unless you count his game blog) where McClain doesn’t mention how many Oilers he knew, NFL players and admin. he’s had lunch with, and all of the colorful sports world personalities he’s rubbed elbows with. For that trash, write a bio that collects dust in the Barnes and Noble warehouse. Megan Manfull is probably the best of the reporter lot. She interviews, watches and reports. Period. Maybe not the most eye-grabbing stories, but at least she’s not the story.
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February 10th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
@1Tex: I can’t be skid mark cuz I fly commando.
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@vcg: that made me laugh so hard I choked. Well played. But, seriously, you are right that AM looked really uncomfortable. I guess I kinda expected Pancakes to make love to the camera, but he looked like he was halfway through a fifth of some cheap vodka. Together? Maybe they should stop these clips altogether.
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February 10th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
McClain is the first admit that he is not a football Xs and Os guy. His trade is who he knows and story telling. That is what he does and is best at, and he could care less what anyone else thinks about it.
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#3“his videos are for morons who can barely name three players on the team and only go to games because their company has a luxury box.”
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Actually, and also the morons who don’t have luxury boxes.
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Until the Texans get consistently good, the majority of Chronicle readers will be pretty ignorant about the Texans other than maybe a couple of players. So, yeah, the general public isn’t terribly informed, and the Chronicle tends to write toward that viewpoint.
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Over the last couple of years, they have tried to get a little more in depth, and you can see that very incrementally at their blogs for example.
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There’s a place in the world for Mr. Obvious story telling and a place in the world for more X and O talk. I wish they would do more X and Os, but to get them to even talk about the Texans at all is a massive improvement.
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I believe that you are more likely to encourage change if you don’t just throw out nicknames and joke about Matt’s sexual rejection. Of course, that is terribly boring and a complete rejection of typical slacker blogger cynicism.
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But then again, I’m also the niiiiiiiice person that thinks there’s no reason to pile on a try-hard corner who isn’t paid much, when it is the coaching staff’s fault for putting him situations where he was doomed to be non-good. It’s like screaming at a three year old because he can’t do algebra.
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Just putting a contrarian point of view out there because there is no real football going on. I’m bored. I’m forcing myself to clean out my desk. It is amazing how much stuff can fit into a desk. (Like a football mag from a couple of years ago that says from a fantasy standpoint to pick up Domanick Davis, that Eric Moulds is a great sleeper pick, and that David Carr will have bad fantasy stats because it is all the line’s fault. Nothing like looking at old football magazines to prove yet again that “experts” don’t know what the hell they are talking about).
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February 11th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Typical blogger cynicism? Hmph. I knew you’d say that.
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Yeah, that’s what separates you and I, Steph. You *are* the nice one, always finding the best in people (Oh, except for that Titans video post, which is a piece of art). I’m an avowed asshole.
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February 11th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Anything that keeps Anna-Megan from posting blogs/comments or videos about the Houston Rockets… and I’m okay with that.
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February 11th, 2008 at 10:28 am
As far as McClown (as someone so appropriately called him) I really don’t care what he does, as long as he quits running down the Texans, and quits using the Chron to slobber all over the Cowboys. If he wants that, move to Dallas and write for the morning news, and give us Steph in his place. As a matter of fact she could replace Pancakes and Anna Megan, in one fell swoop in my mind.
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February 11th, 2008 at 11:15 am
As a child, I went to the library to hear about “Mother Goose” and/or the “Grimm Fairy Tales”. However, upon gaining age, I look for more *fact* vs. good ole boy yarns. Granted, over a few brews and the “tales” are *neat* but, with his access to these powerbrokers I’d like some substance…
(And McClown and his “merry/fairy” princess can just report and not cook up the smores(?) candies, to digest.
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February 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
1Texan & BFD-
Thanks for the kind words.
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I can’t think how much jack I’d have to be paid to do legit sportswriting. As much as people dog those folks, they work crazy hours and have to travel all the time and have a hard time having a life outside of sport. Yeah, they get to have some cool life experiences, but writing for deadline is non-fun.
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My Titans video was niiiiiiice and not mean at all. I was merely stating facts. If you are naming a multi-million dollar professional sports team in the modern era, it is stupid to name it after incestuous, inbred, child-eating losers. Even if your city does try to model itself after a pompous, overly-idealized view of ancient Greece. Or even if you think alliteration is way cool.
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What I’d like to see from the Chronicle Texans coverage is more left brain writing versus just right brain writing. The coverage tends to be either obvious, or poofy, or insanely critical. Very little Xs/Os talk. It’s a rollercoaster. After a win, they are the best team ever and after a loss they are the worst team that ever was. The truth is that each team over a course of a season has highs and lows, and that hyperbole either way should be saved for when it is truly deserved.
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I’d like to see more analysis and depth than just packaging that day’s press conference notes. The person that I would like to see more of in the regular paper is Lance Zierlein. I don’t always agree with what he says, but at least he has a point of view, he avoids being Captain Obvious, and admits when he is wrong.
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February 11th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
@ Steph: God bless you for not putting apostrophes in “Xs/Os.” If we weren’t both married, that would be enough to make me stalk you.
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That came out wrong. You know what I mean. Look, over there!
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/runs away
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February 21st, 2008 at 9:03 am
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