DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Indecent Proposal

by Matt

Houston Texans lockerroom, 9:35 pm

Will Demps: (singing to himself) It’s my dick in a box, my dick in a box, girl / Christmas…dick in a box / Hannukah…dick in a box / Kwanzaa…dick in a box / Every single holiday, a dick in a box / Over at your parents house, a dick in a box / Mid-day at the grocery store, a dick in a box…

Kevin Bentley: Hello, William.

Demps: Whoa! Will Demps didn’t see you there! Why are you sitting in here with no music on? (turns Justin Timberlake CD on) I’m bringin’ sexy back…

Bentley: I was conjugating irregular Latin verbs from memory, William.

Demps: Conju-what?

Bentley: You know, “sum, erum, ero…” You have no idea what I am talking about do you?

Demps: Will Demps caught his reflection in the mirror and totally stopped listening to you.

Bentley: Anyway, William, much like our last encounter, it is fortuitous that I have again encountered you.

Demps: Speak English, motherfucker. Will Demps doesn’t speak uppity college jibber-jabber.

Bentley: (sighing) Cretin. Like I was saying, it’s good that you are here. Let me preface this by asking a question–you consider yourself quite the ladies’ man, don’t you?

Demps: Does a bear shit in the woods? Will Demps has been in more bush than Crocodile Dundee. Will Demps has plowed more fur fields than John Deere. Will Demps has bon–

Bentley: Christ, I get it! OK, that said, I think you realize that there can be only one, William.

Demps: What kind of Highlander shit are you talking about?

Bentley: This lockerroom–nay, this TOWN–is not big enough for both of us. There are only so many fine young females to go around, you know. So I have come up with a solution…if you have the courage for it.

Demps: Motherfucker, Will Demps has all the courage in the world. Will Demps once let a hungry fat girl go down on him; you have any idea what kind of courage THAT takes?!?

Bentley: Glad to hear it. Here’s the deal–a Contest of Sexual Conquest. Except, rather than sheer numbers, there is only one lady who matters. Bed this prize and you win; I’ll ask to be released so that I can go finish the Great American Novel. But, if I win, you must leave Houston and never return.

Demps: Shiiiiiiiit, holmes. Will Demps has never met some red snapper he couldn’t filet with a quickness.

Bentley: Is that a yes? I rarely have any clue as to what you are saying.

Demps: Fuck yes, it’s a yes. Wait…who’s the Golden Vag?

Bentley: Rhonda.

Demps: Rhonda? Rhonda who, Will Demps don’t kno–WAIT! You mean Rhonda KUBIAK?!?!

Bentley: Indeed, young William. Indeed. You see, I have found that the only prizes worth chasing are the ones that require the most risk. Much like how, once a man has killed another man, mere hunting of dumb animals never satisfies his blood lust again.

Demps: (looking confused)

Bentley: (exasperated) Yes. Rhonda Kubiak. Bed her and you win.

Demps: Will Demps is not so sure this is a great idea…but Will Demps loves him a challenge. Let’s do this. May the best man win.

Bentley: Oh, I shall, William. I shall.

TO BE CONTINUED…