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His mediocrity is faster than your mediocrity

The headline says it all:

Bush wants greater success.

Yeah, it seems that the World’s Most Overrated Punt Returner™ is looking to improve.  Or, perhaps more accurately, he is looking to make people re-buy into the hype that he doesn’t suck.

“Now I’ve got to come and have an equal or better year [than what Chris Paul is having for the Hornets],” Bush said. “I’ve got to get the crowd chanting MVP.”

Riiiight.  That’s what it takes?  A friend who plays a different sport having a good year has motivated you?  Whatever it takes, I guess.  Well, I assume that this means you’ll be there bright and early for every single practice to really work on the myriad weaknesses in your game?

Bush, who made only a cameo appearance at the Saints’ offseason program last year, said he plans on participating most of the time.

“These last two years I definitely learned a lot,” Bush said. “I feel like I’m maturing. That’s what it’s all about — maturing and learning and going through life’s experiences and football.

“It’s the right thing to do, to be here and working out with my teammates. I’m going to be here as much as possible, as much as I can. I won’t make every workout, but I’ll definitely be here for a majority of the workouts.”

This–along with being too much of a Mangina to run between the tackles–is why you are an overrated sack of suck.  You start the article talking about how you want to have an MVP-caliber year and you really want to have a breakout season, but you immediately remind the reader that you only want these things so long as it doesn’t interfere with shooting Pepsi commercials and/or fucking Kim Kardashian.  (Note: Ray Jay was there before you and he had no problem hitting the hole with authority.  You might want to study that tape as well.)

It’s no secret that we here at DGDB&D think very, very little of Reggie Bush.  In fact, the only thing we do think about him is “boy am I glad we didn’t draft THAT dude.”  Still, every now and then, he finds a way to make me like him even less.  This is one of those times.

21 Responses to “His mediocrity is faster than your mediocrity”

  1. Eric
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    “Last season I was injured more than I had ever been injured in my whole career,” Bush said during a recent break from the team’s offseason workout program. “It was hard to stay on top of staying explosive and strong in the weight room when you’re constantly rehabbing every week.

    Carrying a Pepsi bottle and having your ass scrubbed by the “boy grip” doesn’t equate to a NFL strength and conditioning program.
    I smell the “Brian Bosworth(less) syndrome”?!
    I hope the people of NO don’t have to put up with this “flood” of Katrina type shit spewed by this assbag!
    Then again, maybe not? (I don’t know if America or Houston, can afford another disaster from this storm..)


  2. marroncito
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    …he had no problem hitting the hole with authority. You might want to study that tape as well

    just awesome! this is why i love this blog.

    you can really read between the lines of Reggie’s spiel.


  3. SOLIS
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    The sad thing is, Reggie believes the hype. He believes that he can waltz into practice and be the 2008 MVP. MVP? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? He won’t even make GMC player of the week. About the only young back that’s capable of an MVP caliber season is AD – Adrian Peterson. And you Mr. Bush, ain’t no AD. Hell, you ain’t even Marshawn Lynch. Go sell some Pepsi before they tear up your contract.


  4. DisplacedTexan
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Ray Jay also had no problem cutting back and hitting the weak side. Or pulling an end-around.

    Man – we should sign Ray Jay.


  5. Steph
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Dude. I know that this inhibits the flow of player insults, but I am reminding you that it is uncool to throw out the “mangina” or various terms comparing wuss football guys to females. As you know, it is the womens of the species who give birth in a painful way that seems like it truly should be impossible. I have a hard time thinking of things on the football field that would be any tougher.
    -
    In other words, speaking on behalf of females everywhere, do not relate anything involving David Carr or Reggie Bush to female stuff, because it is insulting to females.
    -
    Yeah, the perils of having female readers. Apologies for giving you a minor ration of crap on your secret sanctum blog as getting rations of crap from the opposite sex should be saved for the home front.


  6. Matt
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Without turning this into a gender flamewar, I’ll just say that I don’t buy that having children is the be-all, end-all of pain. I watched my wife do it. They drugged her up, she pushed twice, the baby came out, and she was sore for a few days. Big woop. :)

    Also, if women are so tough due to the labor thing, why do humans have their babies more premature than any other mammal? (The scientific answer is because women haven’t evolved enough to allow a full developed baby to pass through their hips. That doesn’t sound real tough to me, though.)

    /gender-baiting


  7. TheBlowLeprechaun
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    I love that injuries are his excuse for sucking when a big part of the reason most of us knew he would suck was because he would get hurt in the NFL.

    I’m not a big fan of the fake conversations on here, but I’m down with bashing Reggie Bush anytime, anywhere, over anything. I’ve been hating him for so long, I’ve almost forgotten why (no wait, I remember again – he sucks).


  8. TheBlowLeprechaun
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    For the record on child birth, almost all accounts put passing a kidney stone as significantly more painful than giving birth, and that’s a fate suffered by both genders.

    Now I know what to get Reggie Bush for christmas!


  9. Ted Striker
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Pssh. I have Crohn’s Disease. It’s what having Kuato grow inside you must feel like. I have a new sympathy for childbirth after that whole nightmare.

    Oh yeah: Reggie sucks. If he’d gone to A&M-Kingsville, he’d be in the Arena League right now.


  10. Eric
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Him and his evil twin from Wonderlich-6, baby-eating/sister-fucking hollow…


  11. Steph
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    @6,8
    So, what you are saying is that you wish dudes could give birth because it is so easy? It is probably the most painful thing that people willingly do to themselves. All I’m saying is as a matter of accuracy, don’t insult females by comparing us to wussy athletes. Females > Reggie Bush


  12. Steph
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

  13. James
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Apparently Vince Young has had some trouble remembering that the NFL has a Draft Every Year:
    http://www.profootballtalk.com/2008/04/14/vince-says-i-aint-in-no-god-damn-draft/


  14. 1Texan
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    I remember someone posting shit about smilies…14 year old vegatarian dumb shit stuff or something like that…didn’t even leave his right name. Glad that is over.


  15. bigfatdrunk
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    @Steph and Matt: My wife gave birth to my daughter…at home…without any drugs. My wife >>>>>>> bush.
    -
    @Steph: The Mighty MJD >>>> the entire staff of the chron.
    -
    @James: Look, give the man a break. He’s been back at UT studying, at that takes every possible brain cell in his entire body (well, I know where most of my thinking originated).


  16. Matt
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Think your wife could, say, have spinal surgery at home with no drugs? Or have a dislocated hip replaced with no drugs?


  17. Matt
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Also, your wife is clearly much tougher than Reggie Bush.


  18. bigfatdrunk
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    I don’t think my wife would argue that, especially after a couple of things done to my body (torn ACL being one example). And, let’s be honest: my wife’s most painful day was our wedding day.
    -
    I do agree with Steph that it’s not really fair comparing bush to women, which was her original premise.


  19. bigfatdrunk
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    And, of course, just to complete this cycle of life, here’s the link to Steph judging the cheerleader tryouts:
    http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2008/04/14/texans-cheerleading-judging-isnt-easy-a-photo-essay/
    -
    Steph? 348 and 358 obviously need my phone number.
    -
    Now, off to buy a new keyboard!


  20. Doc's Sports Picks Guru
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Great headline. I was one of the few that was preaching patience about the Bush-Mario draft two years ago. My simple reasoning was that even if they are both All-Pro players, Mario is going to be around twice as long. Looks like that may be the case. Well, except for the Bush = All Pro thing.


  21. Shake
    (click arrow to reply)Reply to this comment

    Now is the part where someone who loves me takes the time to post the link to the YouTube clip of Reggie getting drilled in the Philly playoff game…