*clears throat*
Apr 15, 2008 2008 Season, Awfulness, BFD's Real Doll, Hype, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Preview, Teams that aren't the Texans
I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but…
THE 2008 SCHEDULE IS BEING RELEASED TODAY AT 1PM!!!!!
Get your calendars and PDAs ready; it’s time to start planning your live football watching for 2008.
We’ve known for quite some time (relatively speaking) that the 2008 opponents shake out as follows:
AT RELIANT
Indianapolis
Jacksonville
Tennessee
Baltimore
Cincinnati
Chicago
Detroit
MiamiAWAY FROM RELIANT
Indianapolis
Jacksonville
Tennessee
Cleveland
Pittsburgh
Green Bay
Minnesota
Oakland
All that remains today is to tell us the order. So, as we count down the hours, I have a few predictions for you.
- 1. We get a Monday night game, most likely one of our games against the Baby-Eating Sisterfuckers.
- 2. We get a Thursday night game, most likely against Green Bay or Pittsburgh.
- 3. Our Green Bay game will be mid-October at the very earliest. Which is not really a good thing for a domed team from a hot state.
- 4. The Bengals WRs will make Petey Faggins look like BFD’s Real Doll–worn out from hours of torture and pounding.
- 5. Our first home game will be against Da Bears.
(h/t to reader Kevin for reminding me of this date…I was off by a week in my head)
UPDATE 1: Monday, December 1. Jacksonville @ JUGGERNAUT. Ben gets one point for being dead-on with his date. I am giving myself half a point for predicting a Monday night game for us against a division foe.
UPDATE 2: Here it is.
- Week 1 @ Steelers
- Week 2 v. Ravens
- Week 3 @ Baby-Eating Sisterfuckers
- Week 4 @ Jaguars
- Week 5 v. Colts
- Week 6 v. Dolphins
- Week 7 v. Lions
- Week 8 BYE
- Week 9 @ Vikings
- Week 10 v. Bengals
- Week 11 @ Colts
- Week 12 @ Browns
- Week 13 v. Jaguars (Mon. Night)
- Week 14 @ Packers
- Week 15 v. Baby-Eating Sisterfuckers
- Week 16 @ Raiders
- Week 17 v. Bears
Initial thoughts…that December game in Lambeau does not sound fun from a “trying to win the game” standpoint…Weeks 3-5 will go a LONG way toward showing us how we stack up against the division…look for us to go 3-0 from Weeks 6-9.
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April 15th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Crikey, at first I thought you were going to say that Faggins had been named a starter.
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“BFD’s Real Doll” was a label that had been missing for far too long. In fact, here’s a picture of us from just last week:
http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2007/08/09/lars-and-the-real-girl.jpg
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April 15th, 2008 at 9:42 am
hey just rumor - but ive heard that we are playing steelers on thier home opener this morning and that we will be hosting a monday night game december 1st against the titans.
have a friend that is in ticket biz and has connections with nfl teams
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April 15th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Insider info makes me happy as Zoolander with some new Isotoners.
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April 15th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
We might go 7-1 at home, and we’re gonna need everyone single one of those wins because we could very easily go 2-6 on the road. That’s a brutal schedule.
And I’m calling four sacks for Mario against Detroit.
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April 15th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Two hour special? Really ESPN?
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April 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
December 1: Jacksonville @ Houston.
MNF! We’re big time now!!
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April 15th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I’d rather play the Titans on MNF at home, but I’ll take it! What pisses me off is that we close against the fucking BEARS??? Why the FUCK does the NFL schedule AFC/NFC matchups in the last week of the season! Who give a shit about that? Stupid.
Anyway, we better find a way to win those first two games because holy shit, at Ten, at Jax, Indy at home. Five more months. FIVE!!!
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April 15th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
This schedule sucks. I hate how the games are bunched–either a bunch on the road or a bunch at home. Starting out with tough games on the road stinks–the best schedules are the ones that allow teams to get their feet under them at home, especially for a team that doesn’t have much road confidence.
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April 15th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I like the matchups for the last four games, NFC opponents notwithstanding. If we enter that last stretch borderline for playoff spot, I like our chances of winning out. The Farvaro-less Packers are going to suck, the Bears should be pretty easy, the Raiders are the Raiders, and the Sisterfuckers at home should finally put the screws to the “VY Curse”.
Call me an optimist, but I’m cool with this schedule. It’s not ideal, but it’s not a complete nightmare.
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April 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Oh, what BS. The Titans get to play Indy in week 17 again, which most likely means Jim Sorgi behind center.
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April 15th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
@Striker: totally agreed. I think we can finish strong.
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@nash: Jim Sorgi vs. Kerry Collins (subbing for an ineffective VY)? Fun!
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April 15th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Make-or-break is the Week 11-14 stretch. Three on the road - Colts, Browns (again!) and Lambeau in December. Plus the Jags at home for MNF. That is an absolutely crucial/brutal bunch of games for a young team. Makes me nervous but excited to see what they can do.
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April 15th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
The first five games of the season are critical. If we can come out of that 3-2, at worst, then I think we’ve got something here. A 10-6 season and a wild card berth is within our reach.
@Ted Striker :
I just wanted to let you know, we’re all counting on you.
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April 15th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I wanted to go to GB. My friends are a no go because it is in December.
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Hate hate hate this schedule. Sucks for tailgating. And nothing like trying to get cohesiveness of a new offensive line working together whilst on the road. Yup, if the Texans survive the first month, they may be on to something.
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April 15th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
i suppose it’s time that i weigh in on this little debate. first, i don’t honestly think that it’s as bad as it looks. second, this schedule is going to look much different to us after the draft. especially if we trade rosie rosenfels for a second round pick. everything i’ve heard over the past week or so has dom rodgers-cromartie falling out of the top 10. if we come out of the first two rounds with another corner and a pass rushing defensive end, the first month looks like fun.
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@ Pittsburgh: Big Ben can’t run. Super Mario is Super. The Fred and another decent corner can shut down the passing game. This isn’t the Pittsburgh from 3 years ago. Close game but a win.
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Baltimore: OUR HOUSE! They still don’t have a decent quarterback and if McNair plays, Mario is going to force him into retirement. They have a new coach and aren’t going to be in sync by week 2. We win again.
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@ Baby-Eating Sisterfuckers: This is where another DE is going to make the difference for us. Getting VY out of the game will kill the home field advantage for them. However, we have to figure out a way to keep their defense away from the Schaub. Maybe Mario will be willing to play both ways in this one. If Schaub stays healthy, we’ll have another W.
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@Jacksonville: This is the one I’m worried about. They have a good running game that we couldn’t touch last year and a dominating defense. Another DE would help considerably and we’ll have to be getting some good numbers from our running backs. Garrard is injury prone so we might get lucky and put him out of the game. If that happens, I like our chances. If not, we probably lose our first game of the season.
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SO…..Today I went to 5 different stores in the Austin Area in search of some Texans gear to replenish my hat collection. My first 3 stops to ACADEMY yielded NOTHING. After the 3rd stop and ZERO Texans gear, I had a little “chat” with the manager. He actually asked “they’re an NFL team, right?” I pointed out to him that although they had an impressive collection of TEXAS, A&M, COWGIRLS and Spurs, they had absolutely ZERO Texans gear. Needless to say, my conversation was in vain but I needed to vent my frustrations. I ended the conversation by calling him a jerkoff. It was either that or drop my shorts and take a shit in the middle of the men’s department. I went to 3 more places only to find 1 Texans hat. Of course, at that place,which sold nothing BUT hats, you couldn’t swing a dead cat and not hit at least 20 different Cowboy or Yankee hats (I hate them both equally). I had another little chat with the punk kid working there and made him write a note for the manager pointing out the error of his ways. DISCRIMINATION IS A MOTHERFUCKER.
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April 16th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Yeah, I’m in Austin too and it’s a losing battle to find Texans stuff. Early last season I was at the nearest HEB, and in the beer isle they have coozies for A&M, UT, Cowboys, Spurs, etc, etc - but nothing for the Texans. Later in the season when they were doing well - suddenly a whooooole rack of Texans coozies. It makes me angry, and it scares my friends that it makes me angry. Heh.
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April 16th, 2008 at 8:33 am
I went to school in Austin in the early-mid 90’s and quickly learned it was “Dallas south”…having the Cowterds winning 3 SBs in those years didn’t help matters. Oh and training camp was held there too I believe. Of course the Mavs were terrible back then, so being the bandwagon type of town that most smaller cities are, they of course made an exception for the NBA and adopted their closest neighbor, the Spurs. What amazed me tho, was that they were an AL baseball town and supported/gave more coverage to the F-in Texas Rangers WHO HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TERRIBLE. That just blew my mind. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Austin, but it’s always been a Dallas town, probably always will be, unless they grow so large that they get their own franchise. If that ever happened, I would not be surprised if I were to learn that they named their team the Austin Dallas Wannabees, or something similar.
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April 16th, 2008 at 10:21 am
@Austiniteonianers or whatever…
I’d bet the Riverwalk to Sixth St that San Antonio is worse when it comes to finding Texans gear, let alone Texans fans. Hell I damn near hugged the kid at the New Balance store when he told me he was Texans fan.
Shout out to Jason in the Huebner Oaks NB store - Texans fan represent.
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April 16th, 2008 at 11:07 am
The Astros have definitely overtaken the Rangers in Austin now… of course - mainly since they went to the World Series.
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Solis, I might test your theory if I can ever find another reason visit Filth Antonio. I think shopping for sports gear in that town would require me to leave the Riverwalk area, and I think I’d rather go have a picnic in Baytown than go ANYWHERE in SA aside from the Riverwalk.
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April 16th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I think the schedule is quite favorable if we can get to the bye week at 5-2 or 4-3. From there, we have some winnable games to catapult the Juggernaut to at least 10 wins.
If we can’t finish the season 2-0, we suck.
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April 16th, 2008 at 11:36 am
@DHC
Yikes. Don’t hate on the Alamo city bro. Although we’re a little backward in our approach to big city living, I’d still rather live in SA than any other place in Texas - including Austin. The way I see it, I can drive an hour north, catch a show and a drink, and be back home before the pretentious attitude of Austin’s hacky sack culture starts wearing thin.
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April 16th, 2008 at 11:41 am
@Kevin: That wasn’t always true. I moved to Austin in the late 80s, and there’s no question it was an Oiler town. I’ll always remember that a TV station did a poll as to whom they should show the final preseason game: Oilers or Cowfuckers. The Oilers got over 90% of the vote. It wasn’t until the Cowfuckers moved their training camp here did they become popular, and I think that’s mostly because Troy Boy dropped so much money in every gay bar in town.
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Yay pretentiousness! Hoorah!
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April 16th, 2008 at 11:50 am
BFD pretentious? Naw, he’s too cool for that - or at least that’s what he told me.
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April 16th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Solis - Yeah, that’s why I don’t live in south Austin. The hackysackery is beyond tired and old. I love SA because of the Texas history, but I can’t stand the rest of that town. I guess I’m insensitive to insulting other Texas towns because I’m from Houston and I’m used to everyone hating on H-town for how hot and concrete it is. All that said - I’d rather spend an eternity in SA rather have to stay a week in Dallas.
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April 16th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
My sister has actually found me some cool Texans stuff in San Antonio. Things I haven’t seen here. You just never know.
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April 17th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Even in the “Land of the Phillisteines” (Nashville), I find my Texans gear. As an ambassador of the juggernaut to the heathens, I find great comfort in that.
P.S. I hate Bud Adams…
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April 17th, 2008 at 10:15 am
@24 DHC
I feel you bro. I get the same, ‘H-Town’s dirty, dangerous, ugly, etc…’ when I tell people that’s one of my hometowns. All I know is my fandom doesn’t wane, no matter how far life takes me from Houston.
Ditto on Dallas. Fuck em.
@25 Steph
Really? Everything I find that’s Texans related is usually on a clearance rack somewhere… but its real hit or miss - mostly miss. Although my girlfriend did find me a battle red AJ jersey at Target. Not replica quality, but dope enough to rock at a sports bar. She brought it to me as I was watching the Texans last game of the season. Bittersweet to say the least.
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April 18th, 2008 at 8:30 am
@stacy: Reason no. 1740 why Austin can eat my (not so) short and curlies. Seriously, fuck that place.