More draft babbling: Cruising the hair-osphere
Apr 28, 2008 2008 Draft, 2008 Season, Bud Adams is evil, Fluff, I really dig my readers, I'm not a doctor, Inanity, Mel Kiper's Hair
I’m feeling a little sappy tonight, so bear with me. First, a shout out to Liston and hope he’s doing well (and toast should always be eaten above the head, when possible). I’d take Liston over about 99% of professional comedy writers. Secondly, total thanks to Eric for doing the leg work on this post.
We’re now a couple of days post-draft hangover (a vicious Zima hangover, if you’re Tim). I’ve already given my take on the draft, so let’s take a tour around the rest of the delightful internetz and get some opinions from the “experts’ on how the Texans performed (and, by “opinions,” remember that if they don’t match ours, they are wrong. Of course.).
Let’s start with the scorched earth version of Emily Post, Texans blogger Steph Stradley. With her harsh, septic take on life, you knew there was no way she could be complimentary of the Texans. She proved this by giving a completely unfair B/incomplete. Perhaps, one day, she will come to embrace life. For now, I just hope Kubiak wasn’t within back-hand distance when Duane Brown’s name was called (You know, after re-reading this paragraph, I think I’m a little bitter about not being invited to this. Steph, this situation at least calls for some in-depth probing. And I promise: it won’t take long at all.).
Dr. Z is one of the few mass media types I enjoy because he’s not afraid to get technical with his audience (why, yes, I adore Ron Jaworski). This is what he said:
Houston Texans: So their venture into the O-line arena in the first round nets them a finesse guy, Duane Brown, after they traded down eight places. What I’ve always felt about this team is that linemen should be brought in by the truckload, not on little tippy toes.
The grammar channeling of a Chron writer aside, I think he sums up well some of my concerns about Brown. He didn’t give a grade, per se, but it wouldn’t be too pretty.
The hair-opshere reference? Oh yeah, that’s gotta be all about Mel Kiper. He gave us one of the worst grades, a “C”, but I don’t fully understand why from his write-up. Fortunately, Kiper has reached the point of that aunt of yours who knows every-little-fucking-thing in the world, but she earns minimum wage at the local car dealership answering phones. Or is that just my family?
ProFootballWeekly doesn’t hand out grades but seriously echoes of Dr. Z with their write-up. Personally, I think it’s a fair summary of our draft.
Jason Cole at Yahoo! Sports gives us a B, but he adds something I hadn’t seen before:
Okam, a former defensive tackle, is likely to shift to guard, a clever move by teams that realize that non-athletic DTs can make for cheap, athletic G’s.
I argue the part about Okam not being athletic, but this is a really interesting take. Evidently, Okam scored a 39 on the Wonderlic. which just kinda verifies what we already knew: he’s a smart MF. I’m not buying the G angle, but it’s something to consider. Props to Cole.
Finally, Gregg Rosenthal and Evan Silva at nbcsports.com give us a B-. They did give the Babyeating-Sisterfuckers a D+, so I think they put some thought behind it.
So, what can we learn from all these grades? Well, nothing. This exercise reminds me of some advice my father never gave me: opinions are like assholes, and yours stinks.
If there is a takeaway from this grade-wankery, it’s that there isn’t a ton of deviation between opinions. Duane Brown was a stretch and he’s a project. We got some bargains at the end of the draft. BFD + cheerleaders = more complimentary write ups. No surprises once you think about it.
Let me end on this. Mike Florio at PFT has a write-up about Kyle Shanahan and Reggie Bush. Now, aside from this sentence of stupidity:
So, basically, Shanahan thinks Bush is a third-down type player. Which is an accurate assessment of him now.
No. I call bullshit. I don’t know many people who actually thought he would be more than that. And the insinuation that Shanahan had anything to do with this pick, which is asinine beyond belief in the context of the 2006 draft, is just silly.
But the rest? Basically, even though we all know that Shanahan is Chris Simms’ bitch, I have a little place in my heart for him.
Edit: Completely remiss if I don’t add this must-read article by SOLIS on Super Steve Slaton.
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April 28th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Here is an interesting article on Brown during his college days I got off of Jerome Solomon’s blog.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/10/AR2006111001461.html
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April 28th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I am surprised that PFW would say that no one thought Bush would be a “third down back.” While most of the media climbed flocked together and bleated, “B-U-U-U-S-H! B-U-U-U-S-H!,” a fair number pointed out that he was likely oversold, and destined to be a third round back in the NFL, and maybe an excellent return man. What got my attention was attention was that he had gotten much of his yardage against inferior competition. White got the tough yards.
As far as Dr. Z goes, those scads of linemen are already on the Texans roster.
No way Okam goes to G. But I wonder if they have considered moving Barbaro to DT? Maybe he and Okam could rotate.
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April 29th, 2008 at 12:13 am
First and foremost, thanks for the plugging the article.
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It’s hard not to give the Texans a passing grade. I look at it like this… the judges thought the performance was technically sound, but it was lacking in overall style. Meaning we got positions we needed, but didn’t land a shiny blue chipper.
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That being said, flash hardly wins out over substance. The Patriots built a dynasty on a foundation of substance over style. The same could be said about the Spurs in basketball. Both are examples of the success a team can have if they work within in their system’s fundamental philosophy and add and subtract talent as needed.
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I think they got what they needed. The brass targeted athletically gifted players who are by all accounts very sharp. I fully expect the first five picks to contribute at some point in the coming season.
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My grade for the draft: B (last two picks made little sense)
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April 29th, 2008 at 1:27 am
A 39 on the Wonderlic??? No wonder he doesn’t have a passion for football. Can you imagine the level of boredom a guy that smart would have talking to the typical knuckle-dragging jocks? Wow.
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April 29th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Fucking Zima, man.
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April 29th, 2008 at 7:27 am
@DHC: Oddly, in my experience, football players are actually the most intelligent in the athletic world. Fact is, almost every one goes to college, and many of them even graduate. Look at VY who went back to school in the off-season. Many take college as an opportunity.
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Baseball players are the dumbest of the lot. Many come straight out of pampered lives in high school and literally have nothing to fall back on. Basketball and hockey players also generally fall into this category, but there are definitely other socio-/geographic-/cultural- considerations with these groups.
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April 29th, 2008 at 7:47 am
@BFD: Football players are also required to have a much more sophisticated grasp of the tactics of numerous plays than other sports like basketball or baseball.
I’ve always thought the tactical natures of football, soccer, and hockey (I disagree with you on this one) allow players who are smart to succeed even if they lack some of the physical tools of their peers.
These are real team sports, and players have to understand both their initial role and how their role changes as the play/game develops. That requires a lot of intelligence, even if it’s specialized intelligence.
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April 29th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Some thoughts:
1. What Cole wrote about moving Okam to guard is garbage, especially for a ZBS team. It’s garbage that even rats won’t even eat. First of all, the Texans are talking about him as the space eater that the Texans haven’t had at DT. He is an experienced player, who didn’t miss games at UT, and people question his motivation for football because of some overblown concerns about him being interested in law. This is what Okam said: http://www.houstontexans.com/news/Story.asp?story_id=4285
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(on what he said to defensive coordinator Richard Smith to convince him that he was a guy to be drafted by Houston) “I’m a competitor. I love the game, and I want to play in an organization that is heading in the right direction, and I really felt that they were doing that. Basically, I just want to let them see my talents and my focus personally. Before you can judge someone fully you have to get to know that person, and they brought me in and really sat down and talked to me. They just wanted to see where my head was, and they knew that I’m passionate about this game. I basically told them that they are going to get a guy that can stop the run and get at the quarterback when you need that.”
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(on dropping so low in the draft) “It was probably a lot of different factors and things. Probably, the reason talked about was the law school stuff. People wanted to know if I really wanted to play the game or go to school. There were people worried about my passion for the game. I think, just looking at the way things were brought up in the draft, there are still a lot of special type players that haven’t been drafted yet or maybe won’t be drafted. As long as you know what you want, that is really all I cared about. Football is football, the draft will take care of itself, and once you get there no one really remembers what round you went. In training camp, you have to go play.”
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One of the best players in NFL history was a smart DT interested in law:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Page
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What Dr. Z said was moronic, IMO. It completely ignores how poorly Ocho Viejo played when he was a Texan and how that made the line look. It ignores that the Texans drafted TWO third round lineman in 2006. The Texans allowed among the leagues fewest sacks last year, even while having no reliable running game at all because we had a group of running backs that no other team in the league would ever want. It also ignores that yeah, we have Alex Freaking Gibbs so what’s the problem with taking a finesse guy?
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Hello! He is Alex Freaking Gibbs. If the word on Brown is that he could be the guy who is the BEST tackle in the draft if given good coaching in the NFL, well then, it is hard to be too depressed with that because we have the best freaking Oline coach in the entire freaking universe. Brown + AFG = possible steal and a half.
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My problem with the media draft writeups is that most of them are just picking up the draft sheets and mumbling about the upside/downsides. Every player has good points and bad points, but I sometimes think that the pre-draft writeups can be overblown and wrong. It is hard in a huge draft class to get teams to learn who players really are. For example, the pre-draft writeups on DeMeco said he wasn’t athletic. Huh? But if you looked at his career and his key combine stats, he was off the charts good. (BTW, Jerod Mayo should send DeMeco a thank you note).
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I think the Texans met a ton of key needs on paper, so now we get to see how they actually play.
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+1 for Solis on Slaton
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“scorched earth version of Emily Post” - lol. BTW, everyone was invited to the draft party. It was free. But for those who couldn’t be there, I took video of the part I thought would be most interesting to you. Most of the draft party is looking at drunk guys watching TV.
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April 29th, 2008 at 8:58 am
@Steph: Don’t forget about Whizzer White (though, admittedly, he wouldn’t be one of my fave SCJs). And thanks for taking the Post jab
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With Brown, it’s a matter of risk. On a scale of 1-10, Jake and Chris Long are basically 2s or 3s, whereas Brown is a lot closer to a 7. Sure, he *might* be the best LT of the class, but he needs a ton of work to get there. And especially as a 1st rounder, that’s a helluva lot of risk to accept.
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After watching some of the tape of Brown floating around the internet, with the caveat that I’m not AFG, he obviously has holes in his game. His susceptibility to speed rushers, with the group of guys he’ll face in our division, is worrisome. Fact is: AFG has his hands full with this one.
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But I’ve come to grips with that, and it’s why I came up with the “Duane Brown as Eliza Doolittle” tag. He’s a lump of clay, and if it wasn’t for AFG being the sculptor, I’d be pretty pissed.
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Most players at that kind of risk level usually don’t pan out, or they do late in their careers. I don’t think we can count on a huge contribution from Brown his rookie year, but if AFG can work his magic, it’ll be worth it.
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April 29th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Good points, TBL. My experiences with hockey players has been more miss than hit. I almost went into details, but - eh - I ain’t gonna do it.
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April 29th, 2008 at 9:05 am
@Steph
Thanks. The sooner Steve proves that he can play pro football, the better it will be for everyone involved - fans included.
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The thought of having a bullet of a back who can run in the open field has me time traveling to the Sundays soon to come - spillin beer as I stand and cheer…
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April 29th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Seriously, is it August yet? I’m ready for football.
(especially if the Rockets screw the pooch again tonight)
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April 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I went to a state college, and my experience around the football players is obviously pretty different. I had a class with almost ALL football players from the team, and I was on the broadcast team so I was always around them/talking to them, etc. They were… how you say - fucking morons, for the most part.
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But yeah - totally different lockerroom at real colleges and in the pros.
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@Steph - I had the same initial reaction to the ‘move Okam to guard’ comment as you - but I *think* the writer meant noseguard… at least I hope so, because that would an all-time WTF moment from Cole.
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April 29th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I went to UT and covered sports while there, and it was real hit or miss.
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I remember a dude named Anthony Holmes. He had a couple of big games, and we had him on the show. The dude arrived at the station with a stack of books. When I made a crack about it, he kinda laughed and said something to the effect of: “Yeah, but this is my only chance. I’ll never be able to play football professionally, and I want to do this for my mother.”
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That shut my smarmy ass up.
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April 29th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
@13DiehardChris-
I’m thinking the only way that what Cole said makes any sort of sense at all is if he means OG, and then it is a moronic statement. I emailed him, so it will be interesting to see if he responds. Everybody goofs, I give him a semi-pass because he is the only one chasing that Reggie Bush college taking money thing.
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April 29th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
@bfd: “Look at VY who went back to school in the off-season”
C’mon, buddy.
BUDDY…. C’mon.
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April 29th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
@beef: I’d be complimentary of any athlete who goes back to school, even an aggie. Though, of course, I’m not sure how far “Animal Husbandry” rally gets one in life.
http://www.nowpublic.com/texas_a_m_animal_husbandry_professor_arrested
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April 29th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
I didn’t watch any of Brown’s game footage, but I did see some of his footwork drills from the combine. The guy can definitely move. I think he’s going to be a good match for Harvey, KVB, and both of the Indy ends, so I think he’ll do well in our division. Hopefully he won’t have to match up against too many 290+ lb. monsters like Mario.
But even if he’s just adequate in pass protection, I’m stoked about what he’s going to bring to the running game. And imagine Slaton taking screen passes with Brown already halfway up the field blocking for him. Our running backs are going to love running behind this guy.
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April 29th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Fred Weary was just re-signed one year deal
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3374252
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April 30th, 2008 at 8:43 am
@bfd: I also give VY props for actually going back and doing it, but I’m also very aware of the probable reason WHY he’s doing it. Because Austin white chicks are much more likely to bang a rich athlete than the ones in Tenn. It’s easy pickin’s for him there, still sporting his “hero halo.” Kinda like TO’s recent “interest” in USA Softball and Soccer teams. Hell, I say go for it… get you some of that sweet, sweet honey while it’s there, throwing itself at you and your bank account. But lets also speculate on how much actual work Mr. Young is doing to “earn” that degree in Austin. Buddy… c’mon.
There’s no doubt he should be entrenched in Heimerdinger’s butt-crack, trying to make heads/tails of his playbook so he can start earning his accolade (or Escalade, as it were), but he’d rather spend the summer finger-banging Mary Jane Rottencrotch after inhaling a rack of the finest ribs from Earl Campbell’s. Again, I can’t say I blame him, but I’m certainly no big-name pro athlete. And fuck that guy, too.