Top 5 Worst Offensive Texans
Jun 24, 2008 Inanity, Ranting, Sandy Vag, Top 5, Tremendous Busts
Picking up where we left off yesterday, with the same 10-start requirement in place.
5. Corey Bradford, WR. I don’t ask for a whole lot from my WRs, but I do expect things like, oh, at least 700 yards receiving or a fuckton of TDs. I got neither from Bradford, despite all the talk that he was going to give us a true WR1. Instead, we got 500 yards and 4.5 TDs per season for 4 years. Asshole.
4. Todd Wade, OT. Helluva price tag for a guy who couldn’t even play RIGHT tackle very well. It seems almost unfair to include offensive linemen in this list since we don’t know how much better they might have looked without Captain Fetal under Center, but who really cares about “fair” when you are bitching about your own team? Perception is everything, baby! And I perceive Wade to have been a severely overpaid turd who couldn’t block you in a game of Connect Four.
3. Jabari Holloway, TE. Ah, Jabari…the third piece of the TE shitheap (that also included Joppru and Miller). You couldn’t catch (they dropped you and kept Billy Miller the following season), you couldn’t block (Mark Breuner looked like a god-send after you were gone), yet you started 17 games in two seasons. Odd.
2. Seth Wand, OT. Wand paired with Wade to form the least formidable set of bookends I think I’ve ever seen. Hell, Wand is the posterchild for the whole “The Texans Need An Offensive Line” mantra that the press has fed us for six seasons. Or, at least, he would be the posterchild if he’d ever been good enough for non-Texans fans to remember who the hell he was. I hate you, Seth Wand. I hate you so very, very much.
1. David Carr, QB. As if there was any doubt who would be number one?
Also receiving votes: Jabar Gaffney, Milford Brown (and Tony Hollings would be on here for sure but for the 10-start thingie.)
***All stats again from Pro Football Reference.
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June 24th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
The Carr/awful offensive scheme makes this list a little more difficult. Most players aren’t good enough to escape the awfulness of the Carr-offensive coaches combo. I think that it didn’t help any of these guys that Capers hired his cronies as assistants who didn’t know what they were doing on offense and did a crap job of development.
Wand actually wasn’t nearly the worst LT that the Texans had. The offense actually had some good moments in the early part of 2004 when he was at that spot. He’s still in the league.
IMO, the all time worst starter on offense (not named David Carr) for 10 games was Victor Freaking Riley. You are an awful player when:
1. You are a fat man acquired before the 2005 season. You are exactly the wrong player for a zone blocking scheme that Pendry was allegedly putting in. Congrats for getting paid.
2. You come into camp very slow and very fat.
3. Of course, under Capers-Casserly, this means you are handed the left tackle job with no competition. Because you see, this is a free agent signing, see.
5. You get abused.
6. You are so bad that you get moved from left tackle to right tackle…by the 5th game of the season.
7. You get abused some more.
8. You get cut after starting 10 games for your team.
Starter for a bad offensive line who gets cut DURING the season. Victor Freaking Riley is definitely a top 5 suck. His stay with the Texans was completely unredeemable unless you give him a plus factor for getting Carr crushed and putting the Texans in position to draft Mario Williams.
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June 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Riley definitely was a sucktacular piece of suck, but he only started 8 games. He played in 10, but with 8 starts. So he misses the cut-off. Call him the O-line version of Tony Hollings.
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June 24th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I’ll agree with Steph that Riley probably deserves a spot here….although I don’t see any fault with anyone on your list either….Holloway was so bad I seriously had to think about who he was when I saw his name. Once I remembered him I actually had to go look at his stats to see if he really started that many games.
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June 24th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Test test test.
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June 24th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I have tried for a few years to repress the memory of Corey Bradford. Thanks a lot…..
awww, shit, now I’m gonna have to start that anger management therapy all over again.
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June 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Sorry, about the test. Ah, played in 10 games, didn’t start 10 games. For a second I received an error message.
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June 24th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Did Stacey Mack start enough to qualify?
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June 24th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I need to find the stats, but Ragone started a few too, no?
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June 24th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Mack started 5, Ragone started 2.
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Did Jonathan Wells get ten starts? That guy made Ron Dayne look like Adrian Peterson. Maybe it´s just a testament to the fact that Davis was pretty damned good, but averaging under 3.0 per carry is atrocious behind any offensive line.
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June 24th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Jabar Gaffney is great example of how much a quarterback can affect his receivers levels of suck. In Houston he was amazingly mediocre, but when Tom Brady started throwing to him, he was actually able to turn in some pretty good performances (see 2006 playoffs). I have a feeling Bradford would have looked a whole lot less shitty if he’d played with quarterbacks other than Carr, Banks, and Jon Kitna in Detroit for the last 5 years of his career.
On an unrelated note, how do you get that Gravatar thing to show up once you’ve signed up for it?
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Pictorial tribute for David Carr, rolled up in one:
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Well shit! Didn’t work! I’ll be back, if the aliens don’t abduct me…
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June 24th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
@ DSITE: I see your gravatar. Long live Mike Jones!
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Also, great point re: Gaffney and Carr. Consider that another reason why Davey is #1 on this list.
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June 24th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Not that it changes much of anything, but Jabari works at my company. He’s a smart mfer and a hell of nice guy.
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June 24th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
That’s actually pretty cool. He was still awful, but it’s good to know he has real-world talent.
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(That sounds dickish, but I didn’t actually mean it that way.)
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June 25th, 2008 at 5:39 am
I had totally forgotten about Stacey Mack. Yep. Total Suckage.
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June 25th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
So when are we going to do the entry about the worst coaches, and GM and other staff member post? There’s been some amazingly bad ones for the Texans. Long off season.
Yay for the gravitar showing up. I’m using my all time favorite picture that I took personally.
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June 26th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
This list makes me very sad, though I’d fit Ron Dayne on there. Mostly because I hate Ron Dayne and the fact that he “owns” Ricky’s record