Forgive me father, for I have sinned
Jun 25, 2008 BFD's Real Doll, Bloggerating, Self-Referential Stuff
As you may have noticed, things have been pretty damned quiet in BFD-ville (which, I believe, has nothing to do with Podunk, OK but much to do with Fucking, Austria).
Fact is, things have been extremely stressful for me personally lately. I’ve tried to write a couple of times, but I’ve had the worst case of writer’s block evar. And, when you write on a blog with possibly the best in the blogosphere, Matt, if your material looks like shit, it’s gonna stick out like my boner in a porn flick. Well, there’s that, and the floggings when Matt doesn’t like your work.
If this gives you any idea: I had knee surgery today a couple of weeks after a near hit and run while I was on bike. Going the opposite direction, somebody turned left dead-on flush on me. She missed, but only because I jumped the curb at an angle, forcing me to land pretty damn awkwardly. Unfortunately, I completely wrenched my knee in the process…the one that’s already had four surgeries on it. Fortunately, she was classy enough to peel off after this happened, though I did manage to get her license plate (yes, she knows what happened). So, I get to deal with the local PD on this clusterfuck. The surgery, at least, went quite well.
When I went in today, and they checked my blood pressure, it was 153/113. Seriously.
All this on top of normal life, a death in my wife’s family, AND, most stressful of all, a pending death in my family which has created an enormous strain on me. But, the burden has been mostly on my sister, who officially deserves saint-hood for all she’s done. The last two months of my life have been an epic contrast on the difference between being alive and living.
I haven’t pooped in over 48 hours.
I do have some points to make, so bear with me a bit longer.
- Thanks to Matt, who, in reality, is the Internet equivalent of a snuggly teddy bear. Really.
- Thanks to a couple of others who venture around these parts, but especially Eric. Cept when the jerk makes me tear up at work.
- My sister kicks ass.
- Carpe diem. Which, yeah, seems obvious. But I’m watching yet another person dying of cancer, and I have a hard time releasing that concept.
My point isn’t too solicit “I’m sorry”s or anything like that (really and truly, I don’t want them). Consider this another adventure in online carthartic moments. I hope to start posting regularly, both here and at WTP, as soon as possible.
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June 25th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Sorry to hear that man. We havent heard anything from you in a while but im pretty sure no matter how hard headed everyone is in here we all understand that you gotta take care of yourself and your family first. Keep us updated man, I thought we lost you to the baby-eating sister fuckers! Good to hear that the surgery went well.
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June 25th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I was going to TXT you to see how you’re doing with everything, but figured I had a good idea based on the lack of Interweb presense these past 2 weeks.
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Best to you & the fam. If you’re in town for you-know-why and need anything, you know the #.
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At the next luncheon, I’ll bore you with the details of my “but I got the license plate” learning experience.
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June 25th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Keep your head up, BFD. I know easier said than done…
If you need a laugh, just think of Stacy molesting collies.(or any other furry animal)
My thoughts are with you and your family. Take Care, my friend. I’ll buy you a beer the next time I’m in town.(and I won’t expect you to be my bitch)
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June 25th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Jerk? Jerk? Is that the best you got, big boy? I’ve got two (2) ex-wives who slander me and come up with better personal diatribe against me then just “JERK”!
Glad your up and around. Take care my friend and keep the faith! Just a cyber link away…
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June 25th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Thanks for sharing. Even the poop stuff, because just about every guy I know obsesses about the movement of their bowels. And if there is the slightest of slowdowns, it is a tragedy of most epic proportions.
I’d been wondering where you had been, and figured you were having a vacation or something, because those are allowed even for pasty blogger types. Boo that it has been a flaming pile of suck lately, though relieved that you didn’t get hit by the car.
/virtual single malt in your general direction
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June 25th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Thank God I finally have the answer to the question that’s been on my mind since meeting for a beer a few weeks ago. “Is this guy constipated or does he always look like this?” Seriously, I’m glad the surgery went well. You’ll be back to doing your (and Ralph Macchio’s) signature crane move in no time. Your kung fu will definitely become strong once more and couple or six Hefeweizen will take care of that pesky prostate. If you need anything don’t hesitate to let me know.
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June 26th, 2008 at 7:04 am
This is not important. TCB and we’ll be here. Matt? Teddy bear? Like a Chuckie teddy bear or like a Build-a-Bear teddy bear? Oh, and I called in a favor to your PD and got the license information of that woman. The info cames back to Cunty McCunt, 666 Cunty Lane, Cuntsville, U.S.A.
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June 26th, 2008 at 7:27 am
It’s good to have you back, buddy. But between you calling me a teddy bear and beef professing undying love to me over at BRB, I am getting a real Brokeback vibe around blogfrica these days. /guards cornhole.
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Seriouly, though, you need to poop. Though, if you are like me, the pain meds they gave you for that knee aren’t going to do anything to help the situation. Stupid opiates.
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@ Steph: I’m not saying I’m obsessed with my poop, but I frequently weigh my before and after pooping, just to get a handle on how well the ol’ pipes are working.
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@ Jersey Bill: If I am a build-a-bear, the wretched little fuck who made me forgot to put the goddamned heart in there.
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June 26th, 2008 at 7:49 am
someone seriously needs some new tranny porn!
/ j/k, we’ve missed ya, BFD - hopefully you can return 100% before training camp and Matt won’t have to put you on the PUP list!
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June 26th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Best of luck, BFD. I’ll keep a good thought for you and yours.
And because I’m such a nice guy, get me your address and I’ll ship a few cases of Coors Light to you. You know, to help with the healing process. Or to torment you. One or the other, for sure.
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June 26th, 2008 at 9:00 am
@Tim…you might be on to something, with the Coor Light? If that goat piss doesn’t make you shit the bed, nothing will!
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June 26th, 2008 at 9:17 am
I’ll kick in some shiner black, too. But seriously, i hope everything straightens out soon. We’ve all have rough spots, so i’ll cool my clamor for more of your kick ass posts-and as my soon-to-be-wife’ll tell you, it’s no small thing for me to stop bitching, demanding, or whining (i prefer to think of it as contributing).
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June 26th, 2008 at 9:19 am
BFD-I don’t know you but I wish you all the best. Hope you get through it all.
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Also, eat more bran.
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June 26th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Sorry to hear about all the troubles, Mr. Biggs. “What doesn’t kill us, only make us have surgery and drink more, while pooping less.” Or something like that.
Condolences on all the shittyness, though. Football will be back soon enough.
@Matt: That was Beefy that wrote that over at BRB, not the gentle, yet highly masculine Beef. These are not the droids you’re looking for.
@HtownJuggs: re: contributing - My take on this is that if I give my wife my honest opinion enough, she’ll stop asking for it. This works, believe me. Like, I’m sure Matt’s wife is tired of hearing that the resolution to all of life’s speed bumps lies in more butt sex while watching the DVR’d Denver game(although that’s true… she’s just tired of HEARING about it).
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June 26th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
@BFD Keep fighting the good fight - this too shall pass.
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@Matt Seriouly, though, you need to poop. Though, if you are like me, the pain meds they gave you for that knee aren’t going to do anything to help the situation. Stupid opiates.
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Ain’t that the truth. I was laid up in the hospital with a case of meningitis and couldn’t poop at all. Here’s a snapshot of the agonizing experience:
Damn you Lortab.
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June 26th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Damn picture didn’t take - um… maybe it was for the best…
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June 26th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
As someone that’s had 4 surgeries on 1 knee and 3 on the other, I know what it’s like to have a jacked up knee. Sorry to hear that man, hope you feel better/take a dump soon
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June 26th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Oh, and writers block, I have written at WarningTrack once and TheDreamShake only about 5 times in the last month or so
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June 26th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Dude! Shiner black is the shitt! But it wont help you shit at all. Try drinking some dieters tea. You’ll be pooping like crazy after a couple of cups!
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June 26th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
@BFD: Prunes are God’s answer to constipation. I just had knee surgery in January, so I know about the whole “poop” issue. They work…I promise.
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June 26th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
@Foomey- That, or Stacy’s hand(s) if I remember the conversation from a few weekends ago correctly…
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June 26th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
@Shake: I had actually started to write that, but I figured that BFD has been through enough trauma, and may not survive the very thought of Stacy’s hairy arms up his tushy. You did, however, say it, so I will back it up. That’s what friends are for.
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June 27th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Anything to help a brother out. After all, BFD does have a pretty mouth. Maybe we can watch Deliverance together.
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June 27th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
I’ll bring the banjo & the retarded kid. It’s up to someone else to find out Ned Beatty’s availability.