Dearest devoted readers…
Jul 3, 2008 BFD's Real Doll, Bloggerating, Boobies, You'd like to think I was joking
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
No, not that way. No, not that way, either, though I am flattered. Definitely not that way. I mean, not even for $20 or something. Maybe for $50, though.
Anyway, Matt and I are going to start working on a full-fledged site redesign, and we want input from you, our dearest readers. Keep in mind that we already assume you want:
- More hard core nudity, especially Filipino tranny porn (h/t Lee), and
- Us to fuck off.
For example, one of the things we’d like to implement is the “Reply to” feature as on Deadspin. We figure it’ll make it easier for Stacy and Foomey to hurl insults at each other (though can you really get enough anal fisting jokes? I thought not.).
So, let’s hear you loud and hear you proud:
Dear Matt and bfd, I would like to see __________ to help improve the website.
Your biggest fan,
You
Thank you for your assistance.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 11:07 am
I can post some of the pics I’ve had to take for work if you want. Who doesn’t like a good shot of prisoner dick?
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July 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 am
Dear Matt and BFD, DGDB&D needs more of this
Your #1 commenter,
me.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Geez Dave, I loved VY as a Longhorn but even I’m not requesting more crotch-shots of him. You should see a doctor. (I would insert a smiley face here, but I’m still not gay.)
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July 3rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
P.S. I’m filing a lawsuit against BFD for punitive damages since he already stole my reply-to suggestion. But even I think it’s odd that Matt is taking the case pro bono.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
More humiliation of VY and Reggie Bush. I don’t think you can get enough of that.
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And would it kill to branch out from Filipino tranny porn? I understand the Thais do it pretty well, too.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
More links to articles written by Dickie Justice. That guy sure does know his shit.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Oh, and I’ll defend bfd pro cher. Sonny was a tool.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Dear Matt and bfd, I would like to see way more lists. Lists of the nicest football tushies…ranked from bubbliest to flatest, as well as lists of schlongs.(you get the idea) to help improve the website.
(@Shake…I’m not gay, but I am not afraid to add a damn smiley)
Your biggest fan,
The one and only(thank fucking god) Foomey!
PS–I am truly flattered that everyone wants to see more insult-hurling behavior from Stacy and I. It almost brings a tear to my eye BFD.(yes, just one eye…the other one got hurt surfing the other day. Chicks with black eyes are cool, right? Matches the nice black bruise just above my ass…also from the same surfing accident)
PSS–This is just a silly thought…What about a “chicks” corner? For those, like me, who only watch football because of the tushies, but would REALLY like to get to know more about the game. Not necessarily a football 101…I know the basics….but more of a football 201. Getting down some plays, as well as getting to know the players.
PSSS–I’m still in Hawaii, and y’all aren’t! Guys with board shorts hanging half-way down their asses are hot. I just had to add that.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
OH…Almost forgot to add my supporting reason for having a “chicks corner”. Increased readership. There are a lot of questions that we women would just love to ask our beloved men, but are afraid of getting made to look the fool. Just think of how much more punani y’all could get if you contributed some great answers to our “silly” little questions. I’ll be the first in line with my mouth wide-open.(That was intentional…just for Stacy…I’m waiting)
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July 3rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
OH…and one last thing…Wouldn’t y’all just love to see me actually contribute more than just laughs to these blog responses? No, really? I’m being serious.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Shake, I’m a lawyer…
do you really think there’s a doctor in town that’s willing to see me?!? For *any* ailment??
(emoticon added for quasi-ironic purposes)
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July 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Oh, and to remain with the theme,
Dear Matt and BFD, I maintain that DGDB&D also needs a lot more of this and/or this
(depending on what direction you want to go)
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July 3rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
@JB: Matt has offered to work pro boner for me, which is considerably better than having to avoid a cougar. *shudders* The boner is to be fondled later.
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@Dave: Can’t we have both?
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@all: I just heard one lady call another lady “girlfriend.” I can’t wait for Arsenio Hall tonight!
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99,608 on the old sitemeter. I’m getting another pro boner!
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July 3rd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Almost forgot…Hey, JB? You know you can probably get your own email address, right? /being an asshole
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July 3rd, 2008 at 3:40 pm
@ Arsenio: Awesome.
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Hitting 100,000 in this shitbox might be a sign of the apocalypse.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 4:21 pm
@Foomey- I think you are a big fucking liar….trying to trick us into believing that talking to girls about football will get us more punani. If that actually worked I would have STD’s they haven’t even come up with names for yet. OK, maybe I already do, but I didn’t get them by answering girls questions about football.
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On a serious note more shit like the article on the eagles defense. Though it doesn’t have to be the same length as war and peace.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 5:11 pm
@Papabear: That could be classified as TMI. Not quite sure, but I have a feeling that condoms might…just MIGHT solve your burning while you pee problems. I don’t think that I’m a liar. I know a ton of women that would love to put out in exchange for a good lesson in football. Again…being serious here. See…that’s what I get for having conversations about fisting. Now, no one will take me seriously. That’s ok…Bush has bent me over the table and fucked me up the ass for almost 8 years…what’s the difference when Stacy puts both fists up there?
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July 3rd, 2008 at 5:28 pm
If Foomey gets a “tushie” section, then I demand a section devoted only to pictures of hot chicks in only a Texans football jersey.
(I would say Tim owes me one for that, but I’m afraid he’ll just pay me in Coors Light)
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July 3rd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
@Matt — Just for the sake of everyone’s safety around here, I just finished reading the Book of Revelations twice……still can’t find a mention of DGDB&D, Matt, Fake Conversations, or anything else to cause concern.
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I still think you may have a hand in bringing about the end of the world, but this does not seem to be the vessel for it.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
@17 Foomster — I just realized that you must be Kim Kardashian posting under a surname.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
@Shake: Ya know…I was really beginning to look at you as a replacement for Stacy, but with that last remark…you are so NOT my fav any longer. Any comparisons, of myself, made to wealthy, spoiled, uneducated princesses will not be tolerated, and is punishable by cursing your penis to fall off.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
@Foomey — Damn. I was so close to being the next one to bend you over.
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On a side note, which island are you hanging out on this week?
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July 3rd, 2008 at 7:18 pm
ok..improvements..beside a direct link to the wisdom of Pancakes in the great all encompassing Chronicle, and maybe an occasional post from Faggins as to what is really going on with the Texans, maybe you could get a Anna Megan live cam on board, yea, and put it in the ladies section your contemplating. Yea, and a virtual bar in the sites background.
Or, we all bet on something Texans related, put in a little money, and the winner will win 2 tickets to a Texans game, or one of your T shirts.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 7:31 pm
@Shake: That last remark was almost Dave Carr “fake conversation”-like. Spooky. I’m in Waimanalo until Saturday. Then I’m just moving up the Island to Waikiki. I’m actually here for a friend’s wedding, but decided to turn it into a long vacation.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Dear Matt and bfd, I would like to see THIS WEBSITE ON A MIRROR SO I CAN POST COMMENTS AND READ AT WORK to help improve the website. Were the all caps good enough?
Your biggest fan,
Lee
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July 3rd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
@ Dave - It’s easy to be the number one commenter when you are billing that time to a client.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Yep, we need to set up a mirror. We’re working on it.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Well….at least one of us had to earn our keep today…
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@ 9 Foomey: Of course you’ll be first in line with your mouth open. You spend all of your free time in San Antonio cruising the gay bars just get your turn on the other side of a glory hole. You’re used to it. Wipe your mouth before you start to look like a glazed donut.
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As for how to make it better…..I no complaints other than the lack of porn. I’ll be happy to submit some of the videos of Foomey taking both fists while blowing my dog. No BFD, it’s not a collie.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Fake quotes attributed to real people. “That fucking ice cream truck is fast…can’t…catch…breath. Need…Bombpop! ” -Ron Dayne on his off season workout program.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 9:55 pm
@ Shake 18: Consider yourself banned from BRB for your Coors Light heresy. What’s more, I was a mere three cocktails away from beginning a forty-two (42) part photo essay entitled, “Hot Chicks Wearing Nothing But A Super Mario Jersey.”
Now you’ve ruined it for everyone. Congratulations, jerk.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 10:23 pm
@Stacy: Don’t forget…that’s how you and I first met! Don’t pretend just for these guys…they’ll still love you even though you are a glory hole queen cruiser.
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July 3rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm
@Tim — Something tells me you’re bluffing……I move All In. (like poker, not a stacy/Foomey encounter you dirty-minded bastards)
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July 3rd, 2008 at 10:53 pm
@Shake-32: I resemble that remark. Geez…you’re starting to sound like Jan…”It’s always Foomey, Foomey, Foomey…(and Stacy)”
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July 4th, 2008 at 5:31 am
@ Foomey: You dumbass, they weren’t saying “You, you, you.” They were saying “Jew, jew, jew.” Don’t you have some coupons to clip or some Christians to persecute? Maybe you can go to Dachau for your next “vacation”.
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July 4th, 2008 at 5:55 am
@Stacy: Actually, I’m thinking of just taking you with me the next time I go on vacation. Why go to Dachau when I could get the “gas chamber” courtesy of your ass for free?
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July 4th, 2008 at 6:02 am
@ Foomey: Gas Chamber or Ass Chamber?
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July 4th, 2008 at 6:09 am
@ Foomey: Don’t forget……”We have both kinds, country AND western.”
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July 4th, 2008 at 6:09 am
@Stacy: “Ass Chamber” implies that you want me to stick something in it. I leave the word choice up to you.
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July 4th, 2008 at 6:16 am
@Foomey: Of course I want you to stick your tongue in my ass some more. I love it when you toss my salad and yes, I prefer the grape jam instead of the honey.
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July 4th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I’m going to get more popcorn….
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July 4th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@ Shake: If I’m not mistaken, kettle corn tastes better with a little of Foomey’s ‘tranny fluid’. Regular popcorn with butter flavor would taste too much like ass if you put some of her tranny fluid on it.
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July 4th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
@All: HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
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July 4th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
That was an extremely disturbing conversation I just read. Nice work!
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July 4th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
@ Lee: We aims to please, Boss.
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July 4th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
“Shaking the tree, Boss. Shaking the tree.”
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July 4th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
@ 45.Stacy: Oddly enough, I just changed the Gravatar for my @atexansblog email address to be the warden from Cool Hand Luke. I use my gmail addy here, however, so you get to keep looking at my badass ninja dude.
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At least until I get a pic of Foomey’s vag to use.
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July 4th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
@ 46.Matt: Are you sure you want a pic of her vag? I mean, seriously, it has teeth.
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Cool Hand Luke is one of my all time favorite movies. Retro Newman and McQueen movies are the shizzle.
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July 5th, 2008 at 12:46 am
@Matt & Stacy:(very drunk, and full of stuff) WTF? Y’all are taking it to the next level. Good for you, that i am shitfaced, or I’d really have a lot ot say.
@Lee:Stacy can’t possibly take any credit. He might be sick, but Im the one who is very, very, very WRONG.
–Now…back to watching shit blow up. Honolulu has a really basass fireworks display.
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July 5th, 2008 at 12:47 am
@Alll: Booze + Foomey =shitty remarks. Much better w/o booze.
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July 6th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
How is it that I’ve never sat down and watched Cool Hand Luke all the way through but have seen just about every other Newman movie?
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July 7th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
@ Lee: I honestly don’t know.
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July 8th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I’m going to do my best to remedy that over the long sleepless nights that the soon to be new boy will be causing me