The courting of Ted Thompson
Jul 8, 2008 Fake Conversations with Real People, Rumors, You'd like to think I was joking
(Inspired by this.)
Ted Thompson: Honey, there I am! This is the part where I kick the extra point to tie the game!
Mrs. Thompson: Yes, dear, I know. Instead of taking me to the beach or fancy restaurants for vacation, you watch old tapes of yourself playing football every year. Doesn’t this look nice on me? Dear?
TT: Sure, honey, you look great in black. Stabler sure was on fire that game. *phone buzzes* What the fuck! I thought I told people I am on vacation. *looks at phone* Oh, it’s a text message. Honey, do you know how this works?
Mrs T.: *takes phone* Are you ever going to learn how to operate this thing? *wife looks at text*
Hi mr naughty man u can join me im wet and naked now. i will lick and suck ur hard buddy while u sip my juice ohh honey im coming
Mrs T.: What is this!?! Are you cheating on me!?!
TT: *takes phone* Oh fuck, it’s Brett Favre.
Mrs. T.: WHAT!? You lying fuck, you’re cheating on me!
TT: Calm down. It really is Favre. That fucker is unretiring again. What a fucking media whore.
text: wtf you asshole. im on vacation, and now my wif thinks im cheating. go fucking retire.
TT: There, that should do it. CRAP! I missed my kick! Now I have to rewind the tape. That fucker is trying to kill me. Could you get me another beer?
Mrs. T.: You know, Teddy, that text message gave me some great id—*phone buzzes*—FUCK!
Favre text: “sry, my first booty text. cmon, take me back. you love me!”
TT: That motherfucker really wants to unretire. We had to put up with John Madden’s incessant cock-slobbering the last couple of years, and this guy can’t even play anymore.
text: ur retired. fuck off
TT: Dammit, I re-wound too far. Where’s that beer?
Mrs. T.: You know, speaking of cock-slo..*phone buzzes*….damn you, and damn him. I’ll be in the bedroom. Don’t come in for at least 20 minutes.
TT: Of course not! I still have overtime to watch!
Favre text: the panthers want me! cmon, take me back.
TT: I hate this fucking guy.
TT text: u suk. no they don’t.
Favre text: the texans want me!
TT text: ???
Favre text: cmon! you know you love me! ima gunsliger!
TT text: FOAD, you fucking drama queen. and quit texting me. *gets up and throws phone into the backyard pool*
TT: Now, finally, some peace and quiet.
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July 8th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Favre needs to go back to the ‘Sip, grow some plants, and drink himself silly.
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If he misses football so much, let the guy be a color guy or a Sunday morning guy. He can team up with Strahan and lob him easy ones all day long.
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Hell, if backwoods Terry Bradshaw could pull it off, Favre should have no trouble. Remember how well he did in Something About Mary? (complete sarcasm - dude was stiffer than Tom at a Gay Pride rally.)
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July 8th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
C’mon, Mar. You (reads cue card) know I (reads cue card) love…you.
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July 8th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
And here I thought Foomey was the biggest drama queen on the planet……maybe Foomey is really Brett Favre. I’ve never seen them both in the same room at the same time, so it’s possible.
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July 8th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
@ BFD. Very nice. Excellent work.
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July 8th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Brett Favre = Overated
Discuss
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July 8th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Hmm. I put him in the same category as John Elway, in that both were probably not as good as they got credit for being, but both were damn good.
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Also, I’d take both of those guys over Dan Marino. But that could be because I hate Dan Marino
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July 8th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
@ Lee: I have to agree with Matt, Dan Marino is a bitch. Brett, in my opinion was somewhat overrated as a QB but is hands down the toughest QB I’ve ever seen. Or heard about. You have to admit, his record for consecutive starts is AMAZING for any player, much less a QB.
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July 9th, 2008 at 12:20 am
I’d like to see Brett Farve fight, and I mean fight, Steve McNair. Like a Battle for Mississippi or some shit. They could dip their honey soaked hands in glass… and fight in a cage. Hell yeah.
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July 9th, 2008 at 12:26 am
I’d watch that.
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July 9th, 2008 at 5:24 am
@ Solis: After they fight to the death, the winner gets to kick Tony Homo in the vagina 84 times and shit in Jerry Jones hair (or at least the stuff he has that’s supposed to look like hair).
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July 9th, 2008 at 7:45 am
@10: Thinking of TO crying after the winner of the Favre/McNair death match kicks the tar out of Tony Romo makes me feel funny inside… like climbing the rope in gym class.
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July 9th, 2008 at 7:48 am
@ SOLIS: This is the greatest idea I’ve ever heard. Like, seriously, ever.
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July 9th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
This is by far my favorite thread:
1. Dan Marino hatred
2. Favre/McNair death match with broken-glass fists
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Regarding reason #1, did anyone else see the clip on HBO’s NFL show last year regarding the scabs that took the Redskins to the playoffs…..and the immediate comments by Dan-O? Marino deserves to die in the same accident that takes out Travis.
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July 9th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Qb’s are overrated period. Those assholes in Arkansas didn’t bother puting one on the field sometimes, yet still managed to fuck up LSU (sorta). My stupid point is, really i just wanted to see Mark Chumura in Something about mary.
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July 9th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
]1. I agree, F Dan Marino
2. F Elway too, though over time I’ve at least come to respect what he did. It took me a long time to get over him beating the Oilers in the playoffs
3. I really, really like Favre, but as a QB, he had a strong arm and a long list of really good, yet not great (except Sharpe) recievers. He’s just not nearly as good as he’s made out to be.
4. His durabilty is phenomenal
5. Warren Moon as a quarterback is better than all of the above
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July 10th, 2008 at 8:58 am
@Lee- Agreed on all points, and if only Moon had gotten to play those CFL years in the NFL to further enhance his stats…..
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July 10th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Eli Manning, Trent Dilfer, Mark Rypien and Brad Johnson have won Super Bowls, while Jim Kelly, Warren Moon and Dan Marino have not. To me that says a lot about how crucial the quarterback position is. Put a good team around an average quarterback who takes care of the ball and you can go very far in this league.
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Also, I hope this Brett Favre saga goes on at least until December 7. Is that too much to ask?
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July 10th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
@Shake: Yep, I always tell people that laugh at me to take just 1/2 of his CFL numbers and he owns every NFL record. And that’s not really a stretch to think he’d have gotten half of them, is it?
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July 11th, 2008 at 9:26 am
@Lee - UofTOrange: Seeing eye2eye here buddy. If he didn’t make the Hall, I was going to burn that bitch down.
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July 12th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
@Shake: Agreed, that would have been ridiculous