All-Time Texans Team - Offense - WR2
Jul 17, 2008 All-Time Texans, You'd like to think I was joking
Preface: Probably the best baseball blog on the planet, USS Mariner, has been going through some awesome wankery as the team struggles to beat their own Rookie league team.
In that spirit, Matt and I - if we can keep our attention focused on this fucking project - are going to go through the Texans All-Time team. Yes, this is off-season wankery. So, you know, bite me. Because I am the junior here, I get the offense. Fuck.
First up is WR2. I mean, it’s not a mystery who WR1 will be, so kicking off with this.
The candidates for WR2 are…well, what’s that word I’m looking for?…..
…………
…………
…………ah yes, the word is pathetic. The problem is two-fold. First, Zoolander sucked ass. Second, Mr. Mittens was more interested in learning about hair-care products than he was banal things like, you know, the fucking playbook. Finally, WRs have not been part of our growth strategy, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing when you have a QB who can’t throw the ball five yards beyond the line of scrimmage. So, the finalists are:
- Corey Bradford
- Jabar Gaffney
- Kevin Walter
Drum roll, please. And the winner, somehow, is Corey Bradford.
Gaffney actually gained more yards than did Bradford, but Bradford has a huge advantage in TDs, 10 more than the next non-WR1 person. Believe it or not, Bradford had 18 TDs receiving, which is depressing but not suicidal.
Congrats to Corey Bradford, the winner by default! Next up? Left tackle.
- WR2 - Corey Bradford
- LT - ?
- LG - ?
- C -?
- RG - ?
- RT -?
- TE - ?
- WR1 - ?
- FB - ?
- HB - ?
- QB - ?
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Next LT? This is going to be the most depressing series of posts evaaar.
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
@Steph: *sigh* Yeah, I know. Still, it’s something. Actually, the defensive side should be fun.
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Have I mentioned who won the 2004 Rose Bowl lately?
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I’d go Bradford over Gaffney as well since I don’t have any horrific memories of Bradford, and I think he caught a long TD once. When you say Gaffney, all I see is a fumbled spike attempt turning into a touchback.
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
@bigfatdrunk: Not enough times you haven’t. Hell, have you mentioned who won the 2005 one enough?
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I’d take Walter. He’ll have this year to really solidify that mediocre WR2 slot
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
@Charlie: guh. I also still think Bradford could’ve been more if he had a QB, but I think the blinders are on when I say that.
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@Lee - UofTOrange: He’ll hopefully take that over this year, but JJ will be there in 5. It’s a cumulative thing. As far as 2005? Matt loves michigan, so there’s my motivation.
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Speaking of Michigan, did y’all see they are now an Adidas school and they F’d up the all whites?
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July 17th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Tony Boselli!
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July 17th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
In all seriousness, I think Jacoby can nab that second WR spot on the roster if he can get past his pre-season hype. Walter was solid last year considering how shitty his numbers were the year before that. But then again Hairspray Mcgee was our QB so that says a lot.
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July 18th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Chester Pitts was the LT for a while, no? Wow, talk about a stretch.
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July 18th, 2008 at 7:19 am
I’d have to go with Walter on this if only because Bradford was brought on to be a #1 but sucked at it. Walter has been solid as a #2 and even stepped his shit up last year when AJ went down.
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Basically, if it came down to it, I wouldn’t trade the Walter of today for the Bradford of 02 - 06.
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July 18th, 2008 at 7:20 am
By the way, I think as you go through this, you’re going to find that most of the players are going to be from the current roster.
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That’s not a bad thing.
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July 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am
@Vega: Totally agreed. Out talent evaluation is tremendously better. Whenever you bring in Corey Bradford and expect him to be your WR1, well, you’ve got issues. On my Madden team that year, he was my #4, and I always draft WRs last. /being a Madden geek
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July 18th, 2008 at 8:39 am
@bigfatdrunk: Yes, you’ve mentioned it. Have I mentioned that I get to do the Defensive side of these posts? BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!
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July 18th, 2008 at 8:42 am
@Vega: I was going to mention that, Bradford’s numbers at least in part come from when he was supposedly the #1 guy, I don’t know that it’s fair to name him our best ever #2 unless you’re just building a best players ever, position by position.
And if you’re doing that, it hurts.
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July 18th, 2008 at 8:58 am
@Matt: Hey BFD, don’t you know that from the boss/webslave driver, that shit rolls down hill?
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July 18th, 2008 at 9:07 am
@TheBlowLeprechaun: So, seriously, is this a bad idea?
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July 18th, 2008 at 9:31 am
@bigfatdrunk: Nah, I think it’s interesting. I’m curious why there’s been no love for Apostrophe. Shit, I know it was only one year, but he was better in that Tennessee game than Gaffney was his entire time in Battle Red.
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July 18th, 2008 at 9:53 am
@TheBlowLeprechaun: Even if we’re just ranking WR straight up and ignoring the 1/2/3 “status”, I’d still put Walter over Bradford.
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Maybe I’m just drinking the Kubiak Kool-aid and maybe the comparisons aren’t fair because one is playing with a real NFL quarterback and the other had Paul Mitchell throwing to him (see Deep Thoughts with BFD for thoughts on the QB-WR impact), but I still look at it this way: if we had the opportunity to trade Walter for Bradford straight up, would you do it? Based on last years performance, I say no.
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July 18th, 2008 at 9:56 am
@Matt: Good call on Apostrophe. I think he’s a better comparison to Bradford because they both brought the deep throat… er… threat aspect to the game. But Apostrophe also brings the special teams aspect to the table.
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Although looking at his teammates, you could also argue that Bradford played on “special” teams.
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July 18th, 2008 at 10:00 am
@Vega: Although looking at his teammates, you could also argue that Bradford played on “special” teams.
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Dude, you are on FIRE lately.
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July 18th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
I think of Andre as a prototypical WR3 and I would say by far he would be the best at that slot
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July 18th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Offense is kind of an easy call except for wr2. Our o-line at the beginning of last season were each the best at their positions, AJ is a lock, and even Schaub, Vonta, OD, and Dominick Davis seem like gimmes at their positions. Defense will be much more interesting as we actually had some talent there during our early years (see Glenn, Aaron).
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July 19th, 2008 at 9:06 am
@Demecoshallinherittheearth: Agreed, Jamie Sharper better be on there as well