The World’s Largest Forehead Will Be Ready On Sunday!
Jul 18, 2008 Anger, Awfulness, Please let the season start soon, Self-Referential Stuff, Teams that aren't the Texans
Back when I still had Comcast cable—before the tornado made my trees go bye-bye and allowed me a better view of the Southern sky–I did a post about how Comcast was trying to piss me off.
It seems DirecTV has decided to one-up them.
I called today to order my Sunday Ticket (plus SuperFan) package and, when I was placed on hold, whose voice should come on the line but Peyton fucking Manning?!? That’s right—I had to listen to that inbred, Chesney-blowing assmaster give me a three minute spiel about how “aww shucks, I’m gonna be ready on Sunday, will you be?”
Son. Of. A. Bitch. What could I do? I had to order the package, so I waited and tried to ignore him. And I’m pretty sure I confused the operator when she came back on the line and I said “that person who was just talking to me was very, very insulting.”
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July 18th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Matt, you may have only confused the operator if she is from Arkansas, Oklahoma, Southern Missouri, any part of Kansas(other than Kansas City), Montana, Wyoming, Kentucky, or Tennessee. Did I get them all? Yep..think so.
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July 18th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
OH…and VERY funny! I’m gonna have to try that sometime. My latest was asking a telephone solicitor if they had any cleaning supplies strong enough to clean up blood. “Cause there sure is a lot of blood around here. I mean, wow, I ain’t never seen so much blood come out of one person in my life.”
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July 18th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I really want to get the package… but I live on a first-floor apartment, and I’m pretty sure my dish would get ganked the first week.
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Yeah, ganked.
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July 18th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
You might see if the bldg owner would let you have it installed on the roof. It was an option when I lived in the StL ghetto.
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Not that you live in the ghetto.
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July 18th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
It’s a nice complex, but I’m just paranoid. That, and I’ve had shouting matches with assholes who won’t pick up their dog’s shit… so, you know. Paranoia. They won’t affix it to the roof, I asked them. Dammit!
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It’s an issue here too, because, as the season starts - you’ll see me bitching hardcore about how the Austin CBS affiliate will show Titan games instead of Texans games. It’s infuriating.
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July 18th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
@DiehardChris: Yeahh I feel yah chris. I had the satellite installed on the fence of my apt porch on Thursday. It was down by Saturday. My neighbor said that she saw some kids swinging away on the dish while I was at work. What I didnt understand was why she didnt stop em. After that I just started going to people’s houses or to sports bars to watch the game.
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July 18th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I’m still upset that I’m dumb. I accidentally went with DishNetwork and not Directtv, so I can’t get the Sunday Ticket
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July 18th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
@matt: Back in the old days we had them at our apartment in Austin. They let us put it on the roof and we didn’t even have a contract with DirectTV, just a card descrambler. That was before I got scruples
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July 18th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I just clicked on the natural disaster link and it still makes me happy that your pit survived. That thing is beautiful
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July 19th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
@DiehardChris: Well, it’s a buyer’s housing market right now.
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July 20th, 2008 at 12:52 am
These are nothing but drunken ramblings that do not pertain to the afore mentioned topic of this post - nor do did they take into consideration anything anyone else had written…
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I once said this was the bar of the Texans Blogosphere - and goddamit, I’m drunk. Not only do I have to go into work in a matter of hours, I don’t seem to care about it.
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As to why I involved you - the Texans faithful, well… I guess you can say that I dig yall enough to share my moment of happiness mixed the inevitability of tomorrow. I’m happy because I’m drunk and I saw a really off the wall zydeco band tonight… I’m also a little pissed because my sleep will be cut short because of an alarm that will wake me at 5:45am. So there. If you get this, then cool, I’ll pick up the first round when we meet… if you don’t… then fuck you.
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July 20th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
@SOLIS: That was awesome. Hope you had a fantastic time at work today. Hehe.
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July 20th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
@SOLIS: What kind of drink spawns something like that?
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July 21st, 2008 at 5:59 am
@SOLIS: This is your wakeup call. Hope you are well. It is hard not to be happy after listening to good zydeco.
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July 21st, 2008 at 7:17 am
@SOLIS: You type better hammered than any of the Chron writers do sober. Although I’m not 100% sure they’re sober.
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@matt: Dude you’re going to LOVE the DTV. Being a Texan fan in Florida, I’ve had it for years. A friendly piece of advice though… do NOT plan on actually doing something productive on Sunday afternoons (even something minor during commercials). It doesn’t happen. My fiance HATES the Sunday Ticket - which speaks volumes for its awesomeness.
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July 21st, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Okay - yesterday morning sucked, but after I downed a bag of cookies and a couple cups of coffees mixed with hot chocolate, I was good. (I learned a long time ago, if you ever have any doubts about what you want to eat after a long night of drinking - keep it sweet. The repercussions of choosing chorizo and egg over say a cinnamon roll could comeback to haunt you if it all goes sour.)
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July 21st, 2008 at 8:59 pm
@SOLIS: Hell yeah! Big bags of cookies rule!
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July 21st, 2008 at 9:06 pm
@Lee - UofTOrange: @SOLIS: Fuck. That. Gimme a big ole batch of migas with some refried beans, kick ass papas, and home-made flour tortillas. And hot as hell salsa to make me sweat out the evil. That’s the shit.
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July 21st, 2008 at 9:08 pm
@Lee - UofTOrange: @SOLIS: Agreed. One of those massive bags of tiny white powdered donuts, coffee, and Yoohoo gets it done.
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@bigfatdrunk: If I hold down the sweet stuff, I go super spicy and greasy at lunch. (Which sounds like a euphemism for my love life, but isn’t.)
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July 22nd, 2008 at 1:23 am
@bigfatdrunk: You’re comment made me miss my grandma who passed away last year. Thanks a lot asshole.
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I kid.
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But Grandma could hook up a breakfast like no other. Grandma wasn’t afraid to use too much manteca in her Torts… Mmmm. Talk about comfort food. With a little bacon laced refried beans - lord almighty - tengo hambre.
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July 22nd, 2008 at 1:31 am
@Matt: Agreed with easing into the queasiness. I remember one time I ate a shitload of borracho tamales on a very drunk stomach… I found a whole new meaning to the word regret.
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For those unfamiliar with borracho tamales: they’re usually made with the left over masa (corn meal) mixed with a shitload of jalepenos (or chile pequins). Taste great with the beer going down… fucking terrible coming up after a night of sitting in your stomach.
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July 22nd, 2008 at 6:56 pm
@bigfatdrunk: Migas rule too, don’t get me wrong