Matt and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day1
Jul 31, 2008 Anger, Anna-Megan is retarded, Dancing With the 'Tards, Fuck, Ranting
A number of reasons, both Texans- and non-Texans-related, have left me in an incredibly foul mood this afternoon. In the spirit of my disposition, here’s a list of people who need to shut the fuck up.
Jason McIntyre / The Big Lead. Every time you write anything about the NFL, I have this overwhelming urge to throw up all over my computer. Seriously. Your football analysis makes Merrill Hoge sound like Vince Lombardi. The Texans rank 20th in your power rankings, behind the Bucs and the Cardinals and the Bills? Really? You say you base it on “their roster” and “their history,” but I call bullshit. Your football knowledge can be summed up as “this is what ESPN told me to think six months ago.” If you’ll buy a bullet, I’ll loan you a gun so you can just end it and save us all the pain.
Paul Schwartz / NY Post. BFD is going to handle this one later, but, for now, suffice it to say that the only “mercy” that came from Carr’s release was granted TO us, not BY us. Oh, and fuck you, you ignorant cocksucker.
Anna-Megan Raley. This week’s topic: Why do you love Mario Williams? Next week: Why I love to blow football players.
The Kid at Sonic with his employee visor upside-down and backward. Every day, your father wishes he’d pulled out. Also, your father probably isn’t who you think it is.
Houston Chronicle. Brandon Harrison. Brandon Mitchell. What, do all Brandons look alike to you, you name-ist dickholes? Here’s an idea—since no one expects you to have any sort of hot, breaking news, take your fucking time and at least try to get the names right and, maybe, give us a nugget that the AP won’t. Fuck.
1 Most little kid books suck. The inspiration for this post title does not.
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July 31st, 2008 at 6:31 pm
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July 31st, 2008 at 6:44 pm
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July 31st, 2008 at 7:27 pm
That was my favorite book as a kid. That and Misery. I was a sick child.
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July 31st, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I am this close to putting TBL officially “On Notice”… but he keeps linking to the shit I write. Such a quandary.
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July 31st, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Ow. I made the serious mistake of reading the chronicle article and looking at a few of the comments. There is so much stupid there it hurts. There are actually people there that want Cedric Benson instead of Bell. The saddest thing is seeing the very infrequent intelligent commenters respond to the tards because you know they’re just wasting their time.
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July 31st, 2008 at 9:11 pm
@Demecoshallinherittheearth: A huge reason I’m here, and I only read blogs these days (well, pretty much), is because I simply need a higher level of discourse. I need to be challenged. But, you know, it’s a personal thing mostly driven by ego. And I thank you, if I haven’t before, DSITE, for posting here.
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July 31st, 2008 at 9:19 pm
The Chronicle gaffe is bad - even for them. I mean, what the fuck. Because the guys have the same first name THAT is the level of difficulty that stumps the staff? Man, they need some competition.
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July 31st, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I can’t believe you liked that book. It’s a nice story of woe and misery, then they had to tack on this happy schmaltzy ending. It’s like most people accuse Disney of being, only 10 times worse.
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July 31st, 2008 at 9:42 pm
The Bucs will be good this year. They are in the freaking NFC South. Any as a bald guy, I take offense to the slight at Jeff Garcia. So does Matt Hasselbeck.
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As far as the Texans go, what the hell does “their past” have to do with anything? The only “past” that matters is the Kubiak/Smith alliance which has shown consistent and measured improvement each year.
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DeMecoShallInheretTheEarth: what a bad-ass moniker. I would steal it and make it my fantasy football team’s name if I knew I wouldn’t feel all icky inside.
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July 31st, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Ok, full disclosure, much like some movies that I like, I ignore the ending.