DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Down to 53

Aug 30, 2008 Roster, Rules

Chris Brown put on IR after my PUP disaster. (h/t Eric)

In other news, the Texans are expected to bring in Rob Carpenter and Tim Wilson for tryouts now.

Another stop on the Slaton bandwagon

Aug 29, 2008 2008 Draft

I’ve been skeptical about the Steve Slaton pick, admittedly off and on. He’s a fast guy who can probably do plenty of interesting things on the field. But neither I (nor many others) considered him a back that would even sniff 200 carries. He played in a gimmick offense in college, and those guys are usually pretty hard to get a read on. And in the preseason I haven’t been encouraged by the occasional 20 yard carry interspersed with lots and lots of 2 and 3 yard gains.

FootballOutsiders wrote an essay in their latest book about running backs, their size, and their speed. I highly recommend at least reading through it at the bookstore (page 458). Or you could, you know, just buy it. Anyway , they found that of all the information gained from the scouting combine, 40-yard dash times were the most relevant when it comes to predicting future NFL success. Of course 40-yard times should be taken in the context of the player’s size. BMI was used to score a player’s mass relative to their height (after all, 205 lbs is different at 5′7″ and 6′3″). They made a formula and found that the average speed score for all drafted running backs is just north of 100.

Slaton didn’t come out too well in their formula’s eyes, sporting a “speed score” of 96.9; Slaton looks sub-par by this standard. They note that Brian Westbrook scored a 91.71 speed score, but there are very, very few Brian Westbrooks (indeed, he is the only notable outlier of the past 8 years) and tons of LaDainian Tomlinsons (111.7), Edge James (117.4), and Steven Jacksons (117.8). For every Westbrook there’s an army of Artose Pinners and Amos Zeroueues.

So given Slaton’s size, his supposed tendency to fumble, his college system, and his suspect yards-per-carry stats during the pre-season, I haven’t been super-stoked about him.

However, the following is encouraging to hear from people who have seen more than their fair share of film:

What I saw of Slaton when he lined up against the Cowboys’ first-team defense last Saturday was a back with surprising power for his size…

Go ahead and read what they have to say about Slaton. They have a few kind words for Duane “Kung Fu Panda” Brown, too. It’s the second section on the page.

Steph

Aug 29, 2008 Dancing With the 'Tards, Little Dickie Justice, Richard Justice is a talentless hack.

Posted without comment, but I think the word needs to be passed.  If you should feel so inclined, a letter to the editor might be helpful, but keep it clean and professional.

Houston Chronicle Columnist Richard Justice Unfairly Attacks Alex Gibbs…and Then Me?

Texans Roster Cutdown Live Blog!

Aug 29, 2008 Bloggerating, Roster

Kickoff - Dia de los Muertos edition

Aug 29, 2008 Antwaun > Petey, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Faggination, Fluff, Kickoff, Posts that list too many players, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Roster

Back among the living. As noted here and elsewhere, the list of the dearly departed will be read in a solemn service on Texans TV at 3:30 CST today.  In that vein, here’s my predicted roster (based on the roster makeup of the past few seasons):

QB: Matt Schaub, Sage Rosenfels
RB: Ahman Green, Steve Slaton, Vonta Leach, Chris Taylor, Darius Walker¹
WR: Andre Johnson, Kevin Walter, Andre Davis, Jacoby Jones, David Anderson
TE: Owen Daniels, Mark Bruener, Joel Dreessen
OL: Eric Winston, Kasey Studdard, Mike Brisiel, Chester Pitts, Duane Brown, Chris Myers, Chris White, Ephraim Salaam, Brandon Frye, Greg Eslinger²

DL: Mario Williams, Travis Johnson, Amobi Okoye, Anthony Weaver, Frank Okam, Earl Cochran, Tim Bulman, Deljuan Robinson, Rosevelt Colvin³, Gabe Long
LB: DeMeco Ryans, Zac Diles, Morlon Greenwood, Xavier Adibi, Kevin Bentley, Chaun Thompson⁴
CB: Fred Bennett, Jacques Reeves, Antwaun Molden, Jamar Fletcher, Petey Faggins⁵
S: Will Demps, Glenn Earl, Brandon Harrison⁶, C.C. Brown

P: Matt Turk
K: Kris Brown
LS: Brian Pittman⁷

¹I think the carrying of three TEs rather than four, plus the inherent brittleness of Ahman Green might save Darius Walker’s job.

²I would not be the least bit surprised if Rashad Butler got Eslinger’s spot.

³Could EASILY wind up being Kalu rather than Colvin, given the latter’s “play” this preseason, but I think they’ll give Rosey a chance in the regular season.

⁴I’m actually bummed about losing Ben Moffit and Kevis Coley, but I am guessing at least one gets on the PS.  Also…I…I…um…Morlon…well, you know.

⁵SHIT.

⁶Dominique Barber to PS.

⁷Seriously, Bulman and Dreessen can long snap.  Why is Bryan Pittman eating up space?

Why hast thou forsaken me? Speaking of Petey fucking Faggins, I’m beginning to suspect he has made a deal with the devil or something.  After all, how do you explain his inspired (for him) first half?

BFD offered to tutor her in fluid dynamics, but she declined.  Strange-but-true fact—Texans Cheerleader Summer is an aerospace engineer for NASA.

Kickoff

Aug 28, 2008 Kickoff

Next up, executions on live TV!: OK, it’s not that bad, but the Texans will be announcing their cuts on Texans TV Friday afternoon:

HoustonTexans.com is offering our loyal fans unprecedented access!

This Friday at 3:30 p.m. CT exclusively on Texans TV, find out before anyone else which players the Texans release to meet the 53-man roster limit. Coach Gary Kubiak and general manager Rick Smith will make the announcement at their press conference, which will be streamed live only on Texans TV.

Also, Kubiak’s postgame press conference this Thursday will be streamed live exclusively on Texans TV, so tune in right after the game. The day after every game this season, make sure to visit HoustonTexans.com at 3:30 p.m. CT to watch live streaming video of Kubiak’s press conference.

Thanks,

Nick Schenck
Editor, HoustonTexans.com

Job willing, I’ll be covering this live.

Green still alive?: Ahman Green restructured his contract yesterday, and he’ll earn $200,000 for every game he’s healthy starting with the second game.  While the Green contract looks crappy on the surface, outside of last year, we could keep the cap hits to a minimum.  Sometimes, you just gotta gamble, and this one doesn’t look like it’s gonna pay off.  Still, the restructuring adds another level of protection for the team.

This may spell the end for Chris Brown.

Super Mario: And this tells you why.  And here’s some love from ESPN: The Magazine.  It’s nice to see him succeed on, you know, his merits.

Outsider Love for the Texans: Via Kuharsky.  In related news, according to Music City Miracles, the Titans are now 42-1 for the year.  Un-credible!

Gameday, peeps!: As per usual, I’ll be heading off to BRB.  SOLIS has promised beer for everybody, so be sure to join.  Kickoff is at 7pm.  I have a “prior commitment,” though, so I might be a little late.

Edit: Congratulations are due to bigwood and Lee, and their wives, for making babies!  bigwood’s daughter was born August 17.  Lee’s son was born yesterday, though he’s 72 years old and wants us all to get off his lawn.  Well done, gents!

Things That Are Not News: Richard Justice Is A Cockgobbling Douchenozzle

Aug 27, 2008 Dancing With the 'Tards, Richard Justice is a talentless hack.

So, it seems Lil’ Dickie Justice (age 12) got his underoos in a bunch when a bunch of people took him to task for being as asshat toward Stephanie in the comments to his blog.  When pressed by various people, including many of the folks who frequent Texans Talk, Justice finally showed just how professional and mature he is, as he unleashed this beauty of a comment. Let fisk this motherfucker.

I don’t know what Stephanie’s real name is, but she creeps me out.

Well, Dick:  1. You do know Stephanie’s real name because you’d have to be borderline retarded to not realize that she’s the same person who used to do the fanblog on the very same site you are writing for, especially since your dislike of the fanblog has been documented by more than one person.

2. Moreover, you know enough about her to know that “she has her own blog,” thus you are probably also cognizant that, on her own blog, she goes by the name Stephanie Stradley.  Which, coincidentally, is the same name she used in her fanblog for the Chron.

3. Why does her real name matter here?  If you knew her real name, would she not creep you out?  What if her real name was D’Brickashaw?  Would that make you more or less creeped out?

4. Do you really think someone would make up an alias of “Stephanie?”  Seems rather normal, doesn’t it?  When I am going incognito, I prefer Captain Hercules Strongmember III.

She writes a little too often, wants to discuss and debate.

Hey, cumstain, you write a BLOG with COMMENTS on the website of a major(ly shitty) newspaper.  THE FUCKING GOAL SHOULD BE FOR PEOPLE TO WANT TO DISCUSS AND DEBATE, YOU INSOLENT RETARD.  If you don’t want people to write and discuss what you have written, then close the comments.  Then you will be free to fellate Vince to your heart’s content with nary a word from the peanut gallery.

She has her own blog, so why is she so interested in mine?

See above, shit-for-brains.  (Hint: It has something to do with Houston having only one daily newspaper, you writing a blog for said newspaper, and you writing things designed to elicit a response.)

Ask yourself that question.

Asked and answered.  NEXT!

Maybe I’ve watched Fatal Attraction too many times.

And maybe you’ve put gerbils in your ass while dry-humping an 8×10 glossy of Bevo and watching the Rose Bowl DVD.

If something happens to one of my rabbits, she’s going to be in big trouble.

OH, I get it.  You think Stephanie has some sort of psychotic obsession with you due to a brief affair you had with her, that she will eventually turn from adoration to vengeance, and that she will kill your pet rabbit by putting it in a pressure cooker while you are out with your wife and young daughter.

No, wait.  That can’t be right.  Hold on…let me see if I understand you:  You think Stephanie is obsessed with you because she actually discusses and debates the things you write on your blog for Houston’s only daily newspaper rather than leaving comments about how you are a hack or how you should stick to baseball or how your columns are clearly influenced by your desire to get your asshole distended by Vince Young?  The rational comments are what make you think she’s nuts and obsessed?

Or were you just trying to by funny in a hip, pop-culture sort of way…by referencing a twenty-fucking-one-year-old movie?

–Richard

File this under: Needless worrisome speculation

Aug 27, 2008 Awfulness, BFD's Real Doll

From PFT, Rudi Johnson expects to be traded “any minute now.”

We’ve talked a lot, especially on game day threads, that the Texans have a wonderfully deep and talented WR corps.

The Bengals are rumored to want a WR in return.

On *paper*, this is a match.

In real life, this trade would suck monkey balls.  I just can’t imagine Smithiak would make a deal like this.  Yet, I’m worried, especially since Sick Boy Ahman Green and Carl Pavano Chris Brown can’t seem to run more than three plays combined before being hurt.

First, tell me I’m a dumbass for even thinking this.  Then, tell me to FOAD.  But I’ll be watching the wires as much as possible today.

Kickoff

Aug 27, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Kickoff

Per usual, consider this an Almost-All-Eric edition.

Filed under Great News.  I’m guilty of being part of the pessimistic crowd when it comes to the subject of Dunta’s return this year.  Thankfully, this is one of those areas where I really hope I am wrong.  According to this article, it appears that maybe—just maybe—I might be. “Robinson is running hard in practice and cutting sharply.”  Next up, at some point in the coming weeks, is getting out there and trying to cover WRs.  Once I see him do that, I’ll buy that he’s coming back in 2008.  And then I’ll probably shed a couple tears of joy.

Gimme. Interesting blurb from ESPN’s Kuharsky, highlighting the AFC South’s contributions to the AFC’s overall edge in turnovers against the NFC.  Two things jump out at me.  First, we suck(ed) in this department.  Second, between Garrard’s regression to the mean and Gregg Williams’ defenses’ inability to create turnovers (seriously, look it up), Jacksonville has to slide a bit this year.  (Note: This stuff about J’ville?  How it sounds like it could be part of a bigger post?  That’s called “foreshadowing.”)

Not much to add.  Word from the mothership about the first cuts.  Of note, Rick Smith doesn’t believe in “just bringing bodies in” to training camp.  Which suggests that Mike Bell, in theory, had a chance to make the team, had he not been a fat shit.

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?  There’s goofy.  There’s nuts.  And there’s the off-the-deep-end kind of psychosis that leads one to believe that the Titans will be 9-1 through their first ten games.  And they say meth isn’t a problem in Tennessee?

Finally. Hit it.

Pop Quiz

Aug 27, 2008 Had to post something, Stats, Suck it bitchez, Teams that aren't the Texans

Compare and Contrast the following two teams’ first six seasons. Remember to show your work.  Bonus points will be given for using the data contained in this table to refute and/or mock certain fans and national sportswriters.

First round of cuts

Aug 26, 2008 2008 Season

From the mothership:

Released: Jameel Cook (busted with ganja), Tim Carter (manos de piedras)

Waived: Mark Fenton

IR: Harry Williams (neck) and Scott Jackson (fascitis)

PUP: Dunta Robinson

No surprises.  The big one, of course, will be Sunday.

Kickoff

Aug 26, 2008 Kickoff

Sorry, another quickie from me this morning (that’s what she said!).

Wha?: Eric, being the swell guy he is, sent me a link to the Texans Cheerleaders this morning to wake me up.  Isn’t that sweet?  But what caught my eye was this:

Hobbies: DANCING! I also enjoy any water activities such as boating, tubing, ***snoring*** and swimming.

It takes a real woman to admit that.

Today is Turk Day #1: Eric also digs up this oldie but morbidly goodie as we head into cuts today.  As somebody who’s had to escort people off the premises, this isn’t too much fun.  But, unfortunately, we’ll be cutting a lot of guys off the roster over the next 4 days.

Feeling the love…: From SI and from FoxSports.  I’ve got to admit that I don’t like being a sleeper pick.  Not in the least.  It just makes me nervous, and the defensive play isn’t helping.

Timothy: Tim over at BRB was on fire yesterday, evidently able to shake off his Zima hangover.  First, it’s all about Jacques Reeves (I really hate being right on this one, so far, but I’d love for him to make me look like a moron, too) and then the sad story of Jameel Cook.  Think he works in a mall in the off-season?

Man, what a waste of good pot.

Finally: Just because I loves me, Lance Z verifies some of what I’ve seen from Anthony Weaver and “Pies de Melcocha” Colvin, though I think Anthony Maddox has been even worse.  I think the first two are gone before Sunday unless something seriously changes.

Kickoff - Afternoon edition

Aug 25, 2008 Kickoff

Not that we exactly had a morning edition, natch.

First up:

(on the defensive end position opposite DE Mario Williams) “First of all, last week we did not pressure well enough. When I look at Mario, and I’m not trying to just say everything positive about Mario, but he’s played hard and he’s done everything we’ve asked him to do. I have no problem with his performance, but we need some production and pressure from other people. And it just doesn’t come up front; it’s a combination of things. Up front, we have to get better. We have to put more pressure on the quarterback. We have to win the one-on-ones, because that’s not fair to the back end. In return, if we bring a linebacker where we did last week, we have to be able to slip a block and make a play on the quarterback. Not make the sack, it’s not the sacks that concerns you, it’s making the quarterbacks throw off-rhythm. Go back and look at our offense against Dallas last week. How many sacks did Dallas get? Zero. But you know what; they made that quarterback throw off-rhythm. And that’s what we need to generate. And along with that, on the back end, we’ve got to play some tighter coverage and make that quarterback have to hold that ball. And trust me, as coaches, we’re not pleased with that performance last week. And what did I do? We went back and looked at every single play that we had in preseason with our starting unit to evaluate it. Is it something you called? Is it the way you’re teaching it? What area are we getting hurt in? You know what I mean? That’s our job as coaches to fix it, and it’s the players’ job also.”

Sorry for the super long quote, but that’s Richard Smith on HT.com.  No, nothing new or striking here, but as I mentioned earlier, I think the problem is both the coaching and the personnel.  We’ve got serious issues heading into the season with most of our D.  Richard, I just don’t think you’ll be the one to fix it, either.

Drive-by: Nice write up by Keith on the drives.

Osi: I know this isn’t Texans news, but I wanted to mention it.  According to most reports (not adding a link), Osi has a torn lateral meniscus.  That was part of the diagnosis for my knee surgery a couple months ago.  I’m fat, drunk, out of shape, and horny, yet, I am already running pretty well.  I think there’s more wrong here than not.  Just saying.

Cuts: Rosters need to be whittled down to 75 players by tomorrow (Tuesday), and some teams have already started to slash.  I’ll be refreshing sites as I can, but I’m superbusy at the bill-payin’ job.  If you get some info, please feel free to post or email.  On August 30, that number will be 53.

VY: Finally, according to Eric, our mole in Tennessee, VY is getting roasted on the talk radio shows.  This is already a team with a lot of question marks, and outside of CT Texan’s love affair with Kerry Collins (and Brooks Bollinger, of course), the team would have to be worried about Vodka manning the helm.  Two wins against the BE-SFs would certainly help our drive for the playoffs.

Most links h/t Eric.

Edit: Brooke Bentley, obviously taking a clue from me, weighs in on cuts.  At least we have Nick and Brooke to rely on for our hard news.

A quick question for any Jags fan that might stumble through here.

Aug 25, 2008 Teams that aren't the Texans, Tony Boselli is dead

Do you really have to listen to Tony Boselli for 16 games/year?  Because I recorded a Jags game the other day and, upon watching it, wanted to light my eardrums on fire.

Harry Williams

Aug 24, 2008 Bloggerating, Injury bug

Eric asks.

Eric receives.

Great idea, Eric.

If I can convince y’all to do one thing outside of kicking Lil Dickie Justice in the nutz for me, I’d like for it to be this.

bfd

– This post came from: atexansblog.com, and is copyright by the authors. This blog is intended for the personal use of readers and not, for instance, spam blogs.

Deep thoughts with bfd: The D

Aug 23, 2008 BFD's Real Doll, Posts that list too many players, Uncategorized

Kent Brockman: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it’s time for our viewers to crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside?

Professor: Mmm, yes I would, Kent.

Yeah, that pretty much sums up our defense after last night.  Pissed?  Yes.  Alarmist?  Yes.  Time to panic?  Fuck yeah.

I’m gonna say it loud and not proud: Our defense sucks.  Well, why listen to me when you can see what Mario has to say (h/t Eric)?

“We’ve still got a lot of work to do,” (Mario) Williams said. “Thankfully, we’ve still got another week. We’ve just got to work together a little better, not just with the run but against the pass and play off of each other better.

“Also, studying the opponent a lot more wouldn’t hurt either. So, we’ll see.”

Richard Smith, meet bus.  Bus, crush Richard Smith.

Rosy Colvin looked like a boxer stuck in concrete last night.  I swear he wasn’t even trying to run.

Anthony Maddox could be moved by my 2-yo daughter.

Morlon Greenwood just got juked.

Jacques Reeves makes Petey Faggins look like an All-Pro.

CC Brown and Will Demps are slow and couldn’t cover my fat ass.  Good against the run, though.

Yes, I am starting to hit panic mode after just three pre-season games.  Outside of our personnel issues, Mario does not feel Richard Smith is getting this team prepared.  That just compounds our problems.

Our defense is literally centered around Mario, DeMeco, and Bennett.  An argument can be made that every other player on our team is below average versus league starters at their position.  I’m not sure I trust that to change under Smith.

Because, one can also make the argument that we have some serious untapped talent on our defense, as well.  Amobi Okoye.  Zac Diles.  Xavier Adibi.  Antwaun Molden.  Even Travis Fucking Johnson.  The cupboard is not bare by any means, but I see a defense that is literally going backwards before our eyes.

Let’s put this a different way: if the Cowfuckers would not have pulled Jessica Simpson’s wife, that game would’ve been ugly.  He was tearing us apart at will.  That’s embarrassing.

I know I’m being a panicky idiot, and that’s fine.  And I also don’t care about the rushing game one shit as long as Teh Schaub is there as he’s absolutely ripping the joint up and I can *see* improvement.  The defense, however, is playing ass-tastic.  I’m not sure the problem is with our talent, either.  I’m starting to think that ditching Smith is our first step.

I’d really like to hear what y’all think, especially as I enter panic mode.  Am I wrong?  Right?  Oddly turned on by the night stand?

Dear Jacoby

Aug 23, 2008 BFD's Real Doll, Jacoby Jones' beer bong

You know I love you, don’t you, baby?  I hopped on your man-crush train during last pre-season, and TPL’s description of you made me all wet and drippy.  But, something’s happened to you, sweetheart…

It all started the day you were tackled by a punter.  Since that horrible day, you haven’t been the same.  I saw glimpses of the old you last night.  You know, the one I fell in love with last year.  Not fumbling.  Running with confidence.  Not fumbling.  I got those old feelings back again.

But then, you had two bad drops at the end of the game.  Not just drops, either.  You dropped two passes that could’ve won the game for us, the last one, especially.

I still love you, but something has to change.  From now on, if the ball hits your hands in any way, it needs to stay there until you put it down.  No more fumbles, no more drops.

I’m willing to give you one last chance, but if you mess it up, we’re done.  I don’t want to see anyone else, but the ball is in your court.

Sorry, baby.

bfd*

* This isn’t nearly as bad as a certain tribute to VY lately, which is horribly sad.

Quick FFL Wrap-up

Aug 23, 2008 Fantasy Geeks

Going by the projections in Yahoo, which we all know has the credibility of a Lil Dickie Justice column, here is the expected order of finish.

However, considering there’s no way in hell any of us can compete against CT Texan and his stable of 9 backup QBs, we’re really all just playing for second place.

Brooks Bollinger FTW!

Sorry, don’t know the owners of a couple of teams.

Kickoff

Aug 22, 2008 Dancing With the 'Tards, David Anderson's Dance Party, Fuck the Cowboys, History, Kickoff

The White Ernest Givins? Nice Yahoo! write-up on David Anderson.  Haircut notwithstanding, as a fellow short white guy, I am pulling for DA to make the team.  And, really, if we are being honest, don’t you have to put him above Jacoby on the depth chart right now? (H/T Eric)

BONUS DAVID ANDERSON INFO: Ran a 4.53 at the Combine, but was disappointed with it as he routinely ran in the high 4.4s in the weeks leading up to Indy.  Scored a 43 on the Wonderlic as a junior.  One of only two WRs at the 2006 Combine to not drop a pass.

Captain, the Dipshit-o-meter is pegged!  Ridiculously flawed betting advice regarding tonight’s Texans-Cowboys tilt. In all the Wade Phillip cocksuckery going on, the author ignores the simple fact that Wade’s one Preseason Game 3 loss was LAST YEAR TO THE TEXANS.  (Also, if any Cowboys fans are reading this, spare me your excuses.  Your team gameplanned and tried to blitz and still got beat like a rented midget.)

Sadly…this is probably true.  According to the Dallas Morning News Cowboys blog (as opposed to the inexplicable Houston Chronicle Cowboys blog), Jacques Reeves would have a hard time making the Cowboys’ 2008 roster.  I am suddenly having flashes of Romo targeting him like we targeted Jason David last week.  Someone hold me.

Finally. A present for bfd:

FFL Update

Aug 21, 2008 Fantasy Geeks, Self-Referential Stuff, Shameless begging

7 Teams in.  3 or 5 spots remain.  Preferably 5.

Email me for the info.

Update: Chris points out an added bonus to being in this league.

Hey, I don’t know if you want to reference it in your FFL post or not -
but it may or may not help participation to mention that we will be
talking about the league when we do our (hopefully) weekly fantasy
football podcast.

So, if they’re in the league, they have a unique opportunity to be praised
and/or mocked relentlessly on a weekly basis for all the world to hear.

So there you go.