DGDB&D Guest Post feat. Vega
Aug 15, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Dancing With the 'Tards, Guest Posts, I really dig my readers, Richard Justice is a talentless hack., Vince Young can't read this post
Back in this post, I mentioned that we are always willing and happy to run well-written posts from our readers. This is one of those posts. (Also, I expand that offer to include fans of other teams that would like to offer a well-reasoned reponse to things they’ve read here about their favorite teams.)
Here’s the next guest post:
A Reasoned Rebuttal To A Richard Justice Article That Doesn’t Deserve A Link
by: Vega
You sense you are in the presence of greatness the moment he enters a room. Adults and children are in awe. Teammates love him, opponents respect him. There will never be another one like him.
Joe Montana - worthless. Jerry Rice – NFL slut. Dan Marino – what did he ever fucking accomplish? Walter Payton – he couldn’t even avoid death.
Vince Young did things on a football field that made grown men cry.
Similarly, Richard Justice has done things in journalism that make me cry.
He brought happiness to millions, made their boring lives worth living.
Damn it. If only I lived in Texas and was a Longhorn fan, my life wouldn’t suck.
He wore orange, but Tech fans, Aggie fans, UH fans, all fans rooted for him as if he was their own. Such was his greatness.
Wait a second, you mean EVERYONE loved him?! Friend and foe alike?! Well then why do I hate him now that he’s a BE-SF? Also, why… hold on, is he dead? Is this a eugogoly?
He made an entire state—and probably an entire nation—feel good about itself. All Vince Young has been to Texans is everything.
That fucker just called me an “it”.
That’s why nothing that happens this year in sports will be as emotionally powerful as what The University of Texas has planned for August 30. That’s when Vince Young’s jersey No. 10 will be retired by the Longhorns.
Michael Phelps would agree. When Tiger won the US Open on a broken leg, his first thoughts were of Vince Young. Eli Manning wore #10 in the Superbowl in honor of Young.
I’m probably like a lot of you in that when I’m feeling down or have had a bad day at work I put in the DVD of that Rose Bowl. No matter how many times I watch it, I’m still inspired by it, moved by it.
And sometimes, when I’m alone, I’ll grab a bottle of baby oil and a wooden spoon and spank my own ass.
It makes me want to work harder, to accomplish more. It makes me want to make Vince proud.
Usually, I’ll do a double of tequila and rub my own boob and I know that somewhere, Vince Young is smiling.
Whenever I’m in Austin, I drop by to see The Trophy, to feel its power, to remember that incredible evening.
Reading comprehension question: What is Richard Justice referring to when he speaks of “The Trophy”, “its power”, and “that incredible evening”?
a. The BCS Trophy, what it represents, and the 2006 Rose Bowl
b. His Pulitzer Prize, his extensive influence, that night he learned to fly.
c. His Vince Young Real Doll, sweaty man love, and his evening routine
d. Other. Please elaborate.
I never expect to have another one like it as long as I’m on this earth.
I wonder what your wife thinks about this.
I’ll be there for the ceremony. If you can’t be there, I’ll be there for you. I’ll capture the moment for you. I will write something that tugs at your heart and reflects Vince’s greatness. That is my gift.
Gee, thanks Dick, but I’m allergic to literary semen. How about if I just hammer an ice pick through my testicles and we call it square?
Texas isn’t like other places. Texas only honors a few of its own. Texas isn’t like other schools. Greatness is routine at Texas.
I’d like to step aside for a moment and congratulate BFD and all the other Longhorns on this site for being great. Super job, guys!
To have your jersey retired by The University of Texas, you have to be special.
He definitely is “special”.
Vince will join Tommy Nobis (60), Bobby Layne (22), Earl Campbell (20) and Ricky Williams (34) as the only Longhorns to have their numbers retired.
So according to the previous statement, Ricky Williams is pretty great and special too, huh. Among his accomplishments he lists setting the NCAA career rushing record (later broken by Ron Dayne), quitting the NFL so he could smoke more weed, not being able to get through a CFL season, and that night he ate 15 bags of Doritos.
The University of Texas is a special place. Whether you graduated from Texas, as I did, or you have visited the campus, you understand its power, its beauty and its grace. It’s a place of ideas, a place of thought, a place where people learn to be the best they can be.
It’s one of a kind too. Harvard, MIT, Princeton – amateurs.
So Texas will honor one of its best. He’s a magical man in that he’s beloved, not just by the University of Texas, but by millions of others. He’s admired for his football accomplishments, but also for his charitable heart and his dignity.
Yup, dignity. Lots of dignity.
”I’m really looking forward to getting back to Austin again, seeing everyone, reaching out to the community with my foundation event and cheering on my team,” Vince said. ”I was speechless when they told me about the jersey retirement earlier this summer, and I still don’t think it’s sunk in. It’s such a great honor to be remembered in such a special way. Man, when I see that number and my name on the stadium. I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s just going to be such an unbelievable feeling for me and my family.”
Quick, raise your hand if you think that Vince Young knows the name of his foundation.
No, Vince, the honor is all ours. You allowed us to watch you play.
It’s a good thing you did too. Every year before college football starts, I stress over which players are going to allow me to watch.
”When you think about Vince, all he’s done for The University, our football program and the community, it’s going to be a really special day for all of us and a great opportunity to say thank you,” Mack Brown said. ”Thank you for what he does as a football player, how he represents our football program, athletic department and university, for sending such a great message about education by coming back to finish up school, but most importantly, for always giving back. Vince is a terrific football player but an even more special young man.”
Is it me, or is there an excessive amount of “special”-ness going on?
We’re Texas.
I thought we were Marshall?
What starts here changes the world.
We’re still talking about football right? Football that happened two and a half years ago?
Has Vince Young found a cure for cancer that I’m not aware of? Did he bring peace to the Middle East and I just missed the news conference? He’s a fucking football player!!
I’ve been clear in my comments here that I have no affiliation to UT and am completely impartial to what the team does in sports. That said, I don’t speak about my own mother this way. I don’t talk like this to my fiancee. She’d probably cancel the wedding if I did. I would love to hear from the UT crowd. Do you all feel the same?
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August 15th, 2008 at 10:50 am
There’s no link because there is no way that that article could be real. Vega, I think you confused one of Matt’s fake conversations with a Chron article.
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August 15th, 2008 at 10:53 am
If only that were true, JB. I’d feel a lot better about life if the whole column was made up.
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August 15th, 2008 at 10:56 am
@Damn it. If only I lived in Texas and was a Longhorn fan, my life wouldn’t suck.
Let’s be fair, that IS true
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August 15th, 2008 at 11:13 am
somewhere, a no-talent-ass-clown is now sad for ever being affiliated with Richard Justice.
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August 15th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Sweet! Now I can cross off “get published on DGDB&D” from my to do list. Next up: “attend a roller derby game”.
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Just kidding. Thanks for putting that up guys. If anything, I just thought that article needed it’s own post.
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August 15th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
@Jersey Bill: What made that so awesome is that if you were going to write a mock up of what DJ would have said, it wouldn’t have been this bad. But he was DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS!
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August 15th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
@Lee - UofTOrange: Honestly, my life doesn’t suck, it’s just not “great”. Congrats on that by the way.
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August 15th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Longhorns have a special kind of man-crush on VY that the rest of the world could never fathom. To be fair, I guess winning an MNC will do that.
But seriously, when I see blatant homerism like this article presents, I know that I’m dealing with someone that is incapable of viewing football objectively.
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August 15th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I’m a Longhorn and I watch every game religiously. My daughter is 2 and she already knows how to hook em. But this article by Justice is flawed on so many levels, and it’s embarrassing as both a Longhorn fan and as a fellow UT grad (with a journalism minor on top of that). This is pathetic. We all adored VY, and it was incredible watching the team win the 2004 and 2005 Rose Bowls. But, seriously, this is something you expect from an 8-yo, not a supposedly professional writer.
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August 15th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I have to echo BFD on this one. What an amazing amount of cock-slobbery. Vince was a great player. Not the second coming of Christ himself. DJ really needs to shoot himself in the face or at the very least his wife should have the decency to do it for him. I honestly believe that UT is doing this to try and generate some interest in the upcoming season and squeeze more money out of the UT alum.
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August 15th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
@bigfatdrunk: Professional writer? OK that is not something I have associated with Dickless Justice in a very long time. The only thing he does professionaly is jock sniff.
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August 15th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
@Spec: @stacy: True dats.
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August 15th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I never went to UT, but have been a fan since I was born. I loved it when the Longhorns won the Championship, and when VY ran in that final TD I yelled louder then anyone. However now that he plays for the Titans, all bets are off. Buttwhipe Adams drafted him to rub it in the face of Houston fans, not out of need for his team. I do not hate VY, but I do not cheer for him either. Dickless Justice is a douche and a half, and his writing is fucked up from the floor up. I really do not understand how he has a job as a sports writer/columnist, or why any radio station would want him as a part of their programming.
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August 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I was listening to AM 790 today and somebody called in during the lightning round pretending to be a UT fan with, “I’m so excited to see Vince’s number retired. I’ve got my lip-stick and knee-pads ready.”
I feel like that was a pretty fair assessment of what went on in that RJ article.
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August 15th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
@ESAD: That’s really the point. When I saw the Rose Bowl, I though of it as a great game by some great athletes. I didn’t mark it as one of the top moments in the history of mankind. Now that he’s with the enemy, I consider him an open target.
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I don’t have a problem with a college fan rooting for his player into the NFL, which all of you are handling quite well. What I have a problem with is statements like “making their boring lives worth living”, “all he has been is everything”, and “what starts here changes the world”. That’s the kind of fanaticism that borders on insanity. And by “borders” I mean crosses the line by a fucking mile.
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August 15th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
@nash: So, ummmm, did that person happen to give out a phone number or any other contact info? Just, ummmm, you know, just wonderin’.
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August 15th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
@Vega: And it kinda makes you wonder, too, about his professionalism. The article is so insane that he could come back and say, “Hey, can’t you morons tell I was joking? You people are idiots.”
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Even if that was his point - for some reason, though he’s always been a prima donna of the highest degree - it doesn’t make a lick of sense. You can go back and read his romantic odes to VY, an entire archive of them. Has he actually crossed the line of becoming a parody or caricature of himself?
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When you add in the idiotic articles about the Astros lately, it’s hard to argue that he hasn’t jumped the shark into some traditional media fantasy land. It’d be sad if it wasn’t so expected. And entertaining. Kinda like a train-wreck where a bunch of bad people die, you know?
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August 15th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Isn’t it painfully obvious? Little Dickie wants him some “Sexual Chocolate”. VY is his very own SKOR bar.
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August 17th, 2008 at 12:47 am
“He wore orange, but Tech fans, Aggie fans, UH fans, all fans rooted for him as if he was their own. Such was his greatness.”
Please, Dickie, don’t presume to express the opinions of fans that you can in no way relate with. I am a lifelong Aggie fan, and cannot ever remember rooting for VY or any other player wearing burnt orange. I am willing to let bygones be bygones when a t.u alum arrives at the pro level, (that means you, Mr. Okam) but I refuse to make that exception for the overrated posterior fundamental orifice currently festering in the QB slot of Bud Adam’s Evil Empire.
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August 17th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I only wish you could say he was being ironic, but I don’t think he knows what irony is. Sigh.
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Great job, btw Vega.