Clusterfuckotopia - the glass half-full edition
Oct 5, 2008 2008 Season, BFD's Real Doll, Putting people on notice, Ranting
This is going to be a somewhat rambling post I hope to tie up with a nice pretty ribbon in the end, so bare (sic) with me for a bit.
First of all, what Tim said:
The Texans lost this afternoon because of one player, and one player alone. After playing efficient, winning football for approximately fifty-six (56) minutes, Sage Rosenfels singlehandedly cost his team the win. No one else, and I mean NO ONE–no other player(s) and no coach(es)–lost this game. Sage lost it. By himself. In absolutely historical fashion. I’m sure he knows it, and we certainly know it.
The only extent to which I disagree is Richard Smith’s defense giving up another 30+ point effort, but 14 of those weren’t necessarily “his” fault. Still, this epic collapse was kicked off by a ruthlessly easy drive that was started by the Dolts at their 19-yeard line and ended with a bit over four minutes remaining on the game.
Then, what Chris said:
What a disgusting end to an otherwise amazing game.
For those that say the bootleg was a poor, complacent play-call, I disagree. In fact, I was yelling at the TV (with a ton of family over) to do exactly that with images of a play that will forever live in Texas Longhorn lore: Roll Left.
Sadly, for some incredibly unknown and fucked up reason, Sage thought he was Sam McGuffie.
The rest is whiskey-chugging history.
But, WTF?, why is this the glass-half full edition?
Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to go a little more micro with this in the future, but I want to start off with the schedule and a little bit of hope.
We lost @ Pittsburgh, there was a horrific “Bye” week, lost @ BE-SFs, lost @ Jacksonville, and lost to Indy. So let’s break this down in logical groups.
Host Miami, Detroit, and Cincinnati: Let’s be honest with ourselves: the first four games of our schedule sucked ass, no matter how you look at it. We knew this heading into the season, and Ike added another dash of hate to the equation. I’m calling 3-4 after these three games.
@ Minnesota, home against Baltimore: Saying it right now: we are 5-4 after these two games. Yeah, I know I’m a little psycho-nutz, but hear me out. I’d rather play teams with a strong D and weak O than vice-versa. I am far, far more worried about our ability to stop an opposing team’s offensive ability than I am for our team to beat a strong defense. Yes, a logical argument is to point at BE-SF, but they are proving to be pretty elite in that realm.
@ Indianopolis: Need I say anything? 5-5.
@ Cleveland, home against Jacksonville, @ Green Bay: That’s right, people, I am calling 8-5. Yes, I am retarded, so thanks for asking. Cleveland and Green Bay are both struggling on D, and we almost took Jacksonville there.
Home against BE-SFs: If we are up against Vodka, we lose. Against Radio, we win. Calling 8-6. My biggest hope, regardless, is that they are team seriously fighting reversion to the mean.
@ Oakland, home against Chicago: 10-6, people. It’s a long limb, and I feel as stoned as the Music City people, but these are also excellent match-ups for us.
Let me add, dear readers, that these predictions are, ummmm, predicated on two very and precise factors:
1. We hire a personal chef and taster for Teh Schaub so that Rosy doesn’t take the field again unless it’s trash time.
2. Richard Smith is fired.
Demand #2 is just as much a stretch as my 10-6 prediction, but there is a point: we have talent on defense. Zac Diles looked far better in coverage today. Frenchy, even as iffy as he has been so far, is a quantum leap better than he was last year. IF ONLY HE WOULD LOOK BACK FOR THE BALL ON EVERY FUCKING PLAY! *ahem* Frank Okam needs to dress and play, and Fred Bennett needs to look as well as he did today, but the defense has talent.
I am, honestly, liking the offense more and more with every week.
Do we need to place DisplacedTexan on suicide watch after the game today? Yes, and with good cause. But, and I’m saying it right fucking now, my people, that there is hope. We pwn3d the Colts for 56 minutes today with the exception of playing an obviously inferior QB as our starter. I believe we are a better team than the Colts and Jaguars right. Fucking. Now. We just need to bring this whole motherfucker together into one big beautiful ball of consistent, ass-kicking love.
Now, EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
– This post came from: DGDB&D: a Texans blog, and is copyright by the authors. This RSS feed is intended for the personal use of readers and not, for instance, spam blogs.
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October 5th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Amazing how close we are to being 2-2 and pretty happy with the season. The defense was awesome today. Losing C.C. Brown might have been the best thing that could have happened to us. A mix of Harrison, Ferguson, and Eugene Wilson was pretty solid. Bennett stepped it up too. And has anyone ever seen a CB consistently get good positioning like Frenchy and still manage to never make a play? Turn around or put a god-damn hand up, Jacques.
It’s too bad that we got complacent on that last long drive we gave up, but I honestly can’t fault Richard Smith for going into the prevent. Who the fuck would have expected Rosie to hand them the game? That said, even a blind squirrel finds a nut. I’m still on board with canning him.
Oh, and Duane Brown and Steve slaton are making this seem like another good draft. Here’s to hoping Okam, Molden, and Adibi can contribute down the road.
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October 5th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
FUCK YOU SAGE ROSENFELS
/my new mantra.
Is wishing AIDS upon Mr. Rosenfels too harsh?
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October 5th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
If the Texans go 10-2 the rest of the way in accordance with your prophecy, I will gladly buy you another shipment of whatever narcotic you were on when you drafted this post.
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October 5th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
@Tim: Consider it done! I was sniffing glu…, errrr, licking toa…, errrr, I was humping mansions. Many mansions. Great narcotic, they are. At least 10 or so should do it.
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October 5th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Radio, you get a pass today, as we’ve proven today that we have the most severely mentally retarded quarterback in the league.
Seriously… I think Sage was a short-busser.
fuck you, sage. And fuck vy.
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October 5th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
I can see the light! Praise you BFD! Then I watch highlights from the game that’s prompting me a city wide search of rosenfels residence to remind him he’s no elway.
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October 5th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
@grungedave: No dave, I actually think its appropriate.
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October 5th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
@nash: I can see Molden and Adibi becoming huge contributors in the future, im just not too sure about Frank “im easier to block than a padded tackling dummy” Okam.
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October 5th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I guess I’ll take guesses at the remainder of the schedule:
.
WIN MIA
WIN DET
WIN CIN
WIN MIN
LOS BAL
LOS IND
WIN CLE
WIN JAX
LOS GB
WIN TEN
WIN OAK
WIN CHI
.
I don’t guarantee that it will go down that way but I firmly believe that it’s possible. That makes for a 9-7 season.
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October 6th, 2008 at 7:56 am
@socctty:
we could win out and I would not be surprised. We could also lose out and I would not be surprised.
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October 6th, 2008 at 8:16 am
BFD-
I think I would agree with your logic, and your sense of optimism, but the dark clouds won’t lift and I feel like Edgar Allan Poe off his Prozac.
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Now I understand why the NFL uses a Morrissey song in its ads.
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Also: fuck me.
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October 6th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Holland has a unique way of making the worst things seem just a touch more palpable. 10-6 it is my friend!
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October 6th, 2008 at 10:29 am
@DisplacedTexan: Probably the weed.
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October 6th, 2008 at 11:37 am
@WillFist4Food: Notice he doesn’t share with us?
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October 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
@bigfatdrunk: He would have, but Sage took it all. /cheesy joke.
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October 6th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
@WillFist4Food: I think coke makes you think you can fly, though. Or is that tequila? I forget. /cheesier joke
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October 6th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@bigfatdrunk: I’m going to go exotic, and suggest absinthe.
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October 7th, 2008 at 6:45 am
You rang?
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October 7th, 2008 at 8:39 am
@GlassHalfFull: Dadgummit, I forgot to give you a shout-out for the second half of the title. The first half is after my kids’ book, Dinotopia.
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October 7th, 2008 at 9:29 am
@bigfatdrunk: No problemo,you just caught my attention with the title. Now I am playing around trying to get the monkey off my back. Or rather, seeing if I can get an avatar posted.