DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Kickoff - “Varying Levels Of Dumb” Edition

Dec 3, 2008 2008 Season, ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?, Andre Johnson, Anger, Boobies, Kickoff, Stevie Wonder, Super Mario

Huh?  The title of this article is “Texans No Longer Experienced?”  I assumed this would have something to do with the youth of the team or at least have some relevance to SOMETHING the author was writing.  Boy, am I silly.  The whole title is a reference, I guess, to this line near the end of the piece:

While the world-famous Sage Rosenfels Experience comes to an end (for now at least), here are some other notes from around football.

Um…ok.

Dipshit.  What is it about covering the Texans for a Houston-area newspaper that makes one prone to bouts of spontaneous retardation?

I can’t believe I wasted over three hours of my life watching the Houston Texans last night. Sure, they won the game 30-17, but damn, that was an awful game to watch.

Really?  Seeing Mario get three sacks, Stevie Wonder notch over 180 total yards, and Andre Johnson dominate the first half of the team’s first ever Monday Night Football game was “awful?”  Because I found it fairly fucking awesome, to be honest.  But then, I’m not a moron.

But wait…there’s MORE dumb:

For the first time in his years as Texans head coach, Gary Kubiak actually outcoached someone.

At no point in that game did it seem like we were winning because Kubiak was at the helm.  Not once.  Yet the author of this article thinks Kubiak outcoached Jack Of The River because Del Rio blew a challenge?  Jesus Tits.

Final bout of stupidity:

The Texans can easily handle awful and mediocre football teams - Detroit, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Jacksonville[.]

We had to hang on to beat Detroit, a team that most teams have destroyed, so I would exactly call that easy.  Houston also lost to J’ville earlier this season, so I don’t know that I’d just throw them out there as a team the Texans can easily handle.  Well, unless I was an idiot.  Then I would.

Vaya Con Dios, Longsnapper.  One has to think that Bryan Pittman’s suspension for a diuretic (read: steroid masking agent) coupled with his utter fucking inability to fucking longsnap, means the end of his tenure in Battle Red.  Right?  Please?  Memo to Clark Harris:  Be even remotely decent and I bet you have a gig next year.  Just sayin’.  (Tangent: Why not have Zgonina or Bulman or Dreessen longsnap and fill Pittman’s roster spot with a position of need?)

Finally. D’oh!

AJ, K-Dub, and DDR

Oct 30, 2008 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Dunta Robinson, Posts that list too many players, Preview, Self-Referential Stuff, Super Mario, Vonta Leach KTFO Award

[Author's note: I'm a little late getting this finished because I got sidetracked with you bastards complaining about formatting issues.  Regardless, here it be.]

Because of this blog, I generally watch games with a thought of “ok, what’s the big picture lesson here” in the back of my mind.  Approaching the game that way does two things for me:  1. It makes writing the post-game post easier and, 2. it keeps me (usually) from overreacting in the moment and, instead, forces me to evaluate the game as part of the larger season.

This past Sunday, however, the only large, overriding truth I could pull from the thing is that the Bengals really, really suck.  And you know what?  I don’t care.

I don’t care because that was a motherfucking beatdown in every facet of the game.  In fact, the only thing I can find to criticize (other than the usual dumb shit pulled by R. Smith) is the same thing Tim found—that the starters should NOT have been out there in the fourth.  And, hell, after seeing this team piss away two wins late, I can’t even really get too worked up about keeping them on the field and running up the score just to be safe.  (Though, had Andre Johnson gotten hurt, my tune would be wholly different.)

Random observations from the game:

1. Matt Schaub looks REALLY fucking good right now.  NINE incompletions in two weeks?  Total??  Jesus.  That rules.  And when you start finding Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) open, you are definitely going through your reads.  It took a while, but the Schaub we all hoped we were trading for seems to have arrived.

2. A huge part of why Schaub looks so good?  Because Andre Johnson is a god.  The man makes spectacular catches so often that we’ve come to expect it.  He’s the AFC Offensive Player of the Month. He seems to always be open.  He’s the perfect mix of Hines Ward and Randy Moss, but with none of the attitude of either.  And, hell, he doesn’t even complain when Schaub hangs him out to dry—he just makes the catch, takes the hit, and trots back to the huddle.  Class act all the way around.

3. Vonta Leach, Blocking Fullback >>>>> Vonta Leach, Pass Catching Fullback Inexplicably Split Out Wide.  The latter was a liability; the former knocks motherfuckers’ dicks in the dirt.

4. I am still not sure what to make of Zac Diles.  He’s playing his ass off and playing well right now, but there have also been times this season when he’s been exposed as being too small to really play SLB.  For the time being, I guess I’ll just enjoy how aggressively he plays the position and hope that teams don’t start running right at him.

5. Kevin Walter and DDR continue to show that there is always a place in the NFL for guys who bust their asses on every single play.  Walter’s second TD was one of the most heads-up reactions I’ve seen from an NFL player this year.  How many guys would have stayed down?  How many more would have assumed they were down after the touch and gotten tackled?

6. Didn’t you used to be Chad Johnson?  Shut your pie hole, fuck-o.

7. A couple different people pointed this out to me, but doesn’t it seem like we use motion on every single play lately?  Why is this?  For one thing, we rarely cross a guy all the way to the other side of the field—it is usually just moving toward the line and then back out or Elvis splitting out from the TE position—so it’s not like we’re looking to exploit matchups.  For another, we throw so much right now that most teams are playing some sort of zone against us and aren’t going to follow the motion man.  I don’t get it.  I guess I can’t argue with the current results in the passing game, though, so I’ll deal.

8. Much like the ROUSes, I was reasonably sure the Texans’ Red Zone Defense did not exist.  Nice to see it espcape the fire swamp and make an appearance.  [/The Princess Bride references]

9. Dunta Robinson is a bad ass.  The INT was awesome (and set the franchise record), but his reaction after not intercepting the earlier pass was even better.  A lot of guys would have jumped up and danced for knocking the ball away; Dunta was mad at himself for not making the pick.  That’s the difference between being a character and having character.

10. Can we get Jacoby’s mom seats in the front row of the other endzone, too, since we go that way twice per game?  She is some serious good luck for the man.

11. Dear Travis Johnson,  That was your second career sack.  You have seven whole tackles this year.  You’ve been beyond worthless for 90% of the snaps throughout your time in Houston.  There is no fucking reason you should be dancing about anything.  Thankfully, given your track record, we don’t have to worry about you doing anything else this season that might inspire such celebration.  Cordially, Matt

12. I miss the old, non-injured DeMeco Ryans.  I know I’ve been spoiled over the last two years, but it sucks to see him not make plays he would have made last season.  It’s cool to see him still playing his balls off, though.

13. Before Superman goes to bed, he puts on Mario Williams pajamas.

So, after stomping a mudhole in the Bengals, we are back on the verge of .500.  Even better, we are right in the mix with a whole bunch of other teams at or around 3-4.  With three division games remaining, as well as some winnable games outside the division (I’m looking at you, Chicago), we definitely control our own destiny.

We just have to beat Minnesota first.

Kickoff - “First Full Day In The New Digs” Edition

Oct 30, 2008 Andre Johnson, David Anderson's Dance Party, H/T Eric, I really dig my readers, Kickoff

Underrated Greatness. Everyone’s favorite WR—and the best WR in football right now—could set two records on Sunday.

When Houston plays Minnesota on Sunday, Johnson can become the first NFL player to record five consecutive games of 130 or more receiving yards. Last week, he tied Lance Alworth and Harold Jackson with four such games in a row.

But if that weren’t enough, Johnson also can become the first NFL player with four consecutive games of at least 10 receptions, tying Brett Perriman and Reggie Wayne.

The next person who says they’d rather have TO than AJ is getting punched in the face repeatedly. Gotta beat some sense into ‘em somehow.

That’ll do, pig. Wednesday’s practice report contains a couple nuggets, most notably this one:

During their four-game home stand, the Texans played some of the best football the organization has to offer. They enter the week with the fourth-ranked offense in the NFL, 11th in rushing (118.4) and fifth in passing (253.1).

Reeeeeportiiiiiing forrrrrr duuuurrrrrrrrrrty. Conan O’Brien took time out to acknowledge David Anderson’s TD dance and give some pointers on how to do it right. (h/t Jakob).

Finally.

Kickoff - “Matt Will Try To Be More Positive Today” Edition

Oct 14, 2008 Andre Johnson, Hi Steve!, Kickoff, Super Mario

Let’s not start sucking each other dicks just yet.  Interesting statistical breakdown of Schaub’s performance on Sunday.  Long story short, no one has ever won with that many attempts and such a low completion percentage.  On the other hand, thank Christ for Andre Johnson.

I only mention it because sometimes there’s a man—I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? Sometimes, there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about the Mario here… Once again, Super Mario is up for NFL Defensive Player of the Week.  If he doesn’t make the Pro Bowl, the Pro Bowl is dead to me.  (Yeah, yeah…it’s already dead to me, but it could be DEADER.)

West By God Virginia! Did you ever think you’d see the day where a Texans running back was listed in an article about the ten most valuable fantasy football players?  Me neither.  Welcome, Steve.  And bless you.  (BTW–that article kinda sucks, but it was still nice to see Stevie Wonder on there.)

Finally.  You are seriously taking your life into your own hands giving Mario Williams bunny ears in public, holmes.

About Lasterday

Sep 8, 2008 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Anthony Weaver is a thief, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Curious Coaching, Damn it, DeMeco Ryans, Hi Steve!, Morlon Greenwood, Super Mario

Alt. post title: “Chainsaw Sodomy”

So, I suppose I have to say something about the game.  Something more than “well, fuck,” I mean.

At the same time, there’s really not much to say that hasn’t been said.  We played like shit, especially in the secondary and on the o-line.  We let the back-to-back bad calls on the ball spot demoralize us.  Schaub looked indecisive, slow to deliver, and (apparently) blind to the colors black and yellow.  (He should see an optometrist about that.)

Before we pour salt into those wounds, however, let us see if I can come up with five positives from the contest:

1. Mario Williams.  If last year’s 10 sacks in the last six games didn’t sway you, Mario’s dominance against a team that was holding the entire rest of our defense in check should.  Two sacks, a forced fumble, and a team-high six tackles?  He’s good.

2. DeMeco Ryans and Andre Johnson.  You’ve gotta love two pros who, despite the fact that most of the team isn’t giving ANY effort and despite the score, continue to play their balls off until the end.  Johnson was more or less unstoppable.  Too bad Schaub never had the time to really exploit this.

3. Steve Slaton.  I know that his average wasn’t that great, but dude ran hard, was not afraid of contact or to run between the tackles, and showed no hesitation in making his cut and going.  If he’s not the starter soon, I’ll be shocked.

4. It’s only week 1.  There’s a good chance that we will not face a more physical team all year than the Pittsburgh Steelers.  There’s an equally good chance that our staff (sans Richard Smith) is smart enough to see where we sucked and try to make some adjustments (more on that in a bit).  To get that winning record, we just have to go 9-6 now instead of 9-7.  Not the end of the world.  I think.

5. No injuries.  For as bad as the game was, at least we escaped intact.  Watching the debacle unfold, I was struck by how, had this game happened last year, at least four players would likely have wound up broken in half.  [Update: After I wrote this, I heard from Chris that Ahman Green is injured.  Big fucking deal.]

Enough with the Pollyanna bullshit.  For every one good thing above, there are at least five bad things that happened.  The ones that really stuck out were:

1. The Playcalling.  This goes for offense and defense.  Now, I suppose the latter is not surprising, as Richard Smith’s play selection was a topic of much anger and despair around here for all of the 2007 season (save, possibly, for two or three games in November).  The former, however, did surprise me.  If Shannahan can’t call a game better than that, maybe Gary needs to take control of that side of the ball for good.  There was none of the explosiveness that we saw in the early part of last season.  While some of that is because Schaub was pestered all day long by Harrison and Woodley, that doesn’t explain all of it.  There was no attempt to run outside zone at all that I noticed, there were FAR too many short passes on third down, etc., etc., etc.

2. The Secondary.  Holy Christ On Rollerskates, they were atrocious.  The Fred might want to double-check and see if the equipment guy packed his jockstrap because Fred got shaken out of it early in the day.  Reeves was bad, but actually not quite as bad as he’d been in the preseason (though it would have been nice if he had the hands to snag that fumble before it went out of bounds).  But the safeties…if they were any worse, we’d have been better off playing with 9 defensive players.  Demps looked slow and C.C. looked soft.  I am with SOLIS here–we should move Demps to SS (he’s better moving forward and playing the run anyway) and let Eugene Wilson try his hand at FS.  No other move really makes sense (until Dunta comes back, that is.)

3. All LBs whose names do not rhyme with ReMeco Dyans.  Morlon Greenwood…dude…do you have any idea how big of an asshole you are making me look like?  How could you have seemingly aged five years since January?  Why are you ALWAYS out of position?  Does it bother you that teams are throwing and running right at you now?  C’mon, dude.  And Zac, you weren’t necessarily awful, but you sure didn’t do anything to make me say “well, at least HE came to play today.”

4. The Offensive Line.  Wow.  Kung Fu Panda was brutal, but I am almost willing to give him a pass, as asking a rookie to hold James Harrison in check all day in his first start is a suicide mission from the outset.  Eric Winston, I am not as willing to let you slide—you just got fat dollars from the team, yet you looked like you were trying to be a matador out there.  Don’t gimme this “ole!” bullshit.  Chris Myers, you might not want to let yourself get thrown into the running back.  That could be a sign that you just got owned.

5. Matt Schaub.  Yes, I know, he had little time to throw.  When he did have time, however, he looked scared, he looked like a certain other Texans QB who had no mental clock for when to get rid of the ball, and he looked right past the Steelers defenders who might stand between him and his intended target.  And what the fuck was that red zone throw that hit the goddamned crossbar?!?  Who was supposed to catch that, Matthew?!  Also, I know you love Andre Johnson.  We all do.  But you might want to look around a little bit from time to time so you don’t miss Vonta Leach so wideopen that he could have moonwalked into the fucking endzone.

There are plenty more, including 3/4ths of the defensive line, but you get the gist by the now.

*deep breath*

OK…all that said, I am not yet ready to panic.  All of the bad spots can be fixed (or, in the case of the secondary, at least patched up and made to look decent) and we still have Baltimore coming up next week.  They are like Pittsburgh (3-4 defense, surprisingly mobile QB) without all the good stuff (defensive speed, talent at WR).  On top of that, the Jags were bad in every area I suggested they’d be bad this year and the Colts looked pretty exposed when faced with a team that was willing to throw under the Tampa-2 all day.  Besides, the BE-SFs are without their intangibly great QB for 4-6 weeks (don’t buy into that 2-4 week bullshit) and will either suck while he’s gone or face the mother of all QB controversies.  Life could be much, much worse.

I think.

Oh, as a final note, there is a difference between being a fan, being an internet troll, and just being an obtuse douchebag.  Suffice it to say Beans Carter falls squarely into this last category.  Apparently the Titans are the class of the AFC and the Texans are the worst team in football.  Or something along those lines.  It’s always so hard to decipher stupidity.

Kickoff

Sep 4, 2008 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Athletes who don't stab people, Boobies, DeMeco Ryans, Kickoff, Super Mario, The Schaub Experiment

Recon. Chris gets the skinny on the Steelers from AOL Fanhouse blogger JJ Cooper. Which brings us something that’s always bothered me. Namely, why are some initials ok to use as your everyday name while others aren’t? JJ, BJ, AJ, DJ…what is it about the second J that makes that acceptible?

O captain, my captain, our dreadful offseason is done. Your Houston Texans have elected this year’s team captains.  Mario, DeMeco, Andre, The Schaub, and Kris Brown.  No surprises there, I guess.

The leap.  Marroncito returns to BRB with a question I had not really considered:  which player(s), if he raised his game to very good/great levels, would take the Texans to the doorstep of being a Super Bowl contender?  The most common answer in the comments is Amobi, and I tend to agree, but I can definitely see the argument for Schaub.

Finally.

Texans by the numbers

Aug 21, 2008 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Awesomeness, David Anderson's Dance Party, Hi Steve!, K-Dub, RB free-for-all, Stats

Just in case you were wondering, here are some preseason statistics for your Houston Texans.  Grains of salt optional, but recommended.

QB

Matt Schaub: 18-21 (85.7%), 10.3 YPC, 2 TD, 0 INT, 0 Sack, 141.3 rating
S. Rosenfels: 16-23 (69.6%), 10.0 YPC, 1 TD, 0 INT, 1 Sack, 116.4 rating

Analysis: Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Schaub is your QB now and for the foreseeable future.  Even without context, he has been better than Sage.  Then, once you factor in that Matt’s passes have come against mainly first-stringers and Sage’s have come against mainly second-stringers, the distinction becomes even more clear.  Schaub absolutely put on a clinic against New Orleans.  Here’s hoping he keeps it going against Dallas.

RB

Steve Slaton: 24 carries, 94 yards (3.9/carry), 1 TD, 0 fumbles
Chris Taylor: 22 carries, 53 yards (2.4/carry), 1 TD, 0 fumbles
Darius Walker: 8 carries, 29 yards (3.6/carry), 0 TD, 0 fumbles
Chris Brown:    8 carries, 19 yards (2.4/carry), 0 TD, 0 fumbles
Ahman Green:  0 anything because he’s a big ol’ mangina.

Analysis: I included the fumbles just because that was one of two knocks against Slaton.  The other was that he was too small, though, as people have noted, he seems to have added around 15 lbs of muscle to his frame since the Combine.  And, if you watched the second half of the Saints game, Slaton was the MAN.  His TD run involved slipping one tackle, then lowering his shoulder and driving for an additional two yards.  I’d like to see him named starter from the jump, but regardless, if he’s not starting by week 3, I’ll be shocked.  Also, Ahman Green and Chris Brown…ewww.

WR

D. Anderson: 9 catches, 128 yards (14.2 YPC), 1 TD
Kevin Walter: 7 catches, 105 yards (15.0 YPC), 1 TD
Andre’ Davis: 4 catches, 46 yards (11.5 YPC), 0 TD
Jacoby Jones: 2 catches, 61 yards (30.5 YPC), 0 TD

Analysis: Looking at that list, two things jump out at me:  (1) Matt Schaub’s numbers are even better when you realize he hasn’t been able to throw to Andre Johnson a single time this preseason, and (2) our passing attack has the potential to be ridiculously good this year.  When you add in AJ, you have four receivers (plus Jacoby) who all bring a little something different to the mix and who create all sorts of matchup problems for opposing coverages.  The real question is whether we run four wide more often than last year (when I believe we were 30th or 31st in the league in number of plays) and if we are more efficient in the shotgun spread formations (where we were not very good at all last season).  If Slaton gives us merely as much as Ron Dayne gave us last year—which I don’t think is asking a lot—I think the answer to both of those questions is yes.

Kickoff

Aug 12, 2008 2008 Season, 2008 Training Camp, Andre Johnson, Colvin, His name is Earl, Kickoff, Pancakes McTard, Tremendous Busts

Homerism.  Fun exchange over at Mile High Report.  Apparently, for those of us who didn’t get the memo, this is the year that Brandon Marshall establishes himself as the best WR in all of football.  This statement is, apparently, based on (a) Marshall lighting up our awful secondary (11 catches, no TD) and (b) something written at Sporting News.

Cliff Washburn was signed yesterday.  Who?  Exactly.  Here’s the details. (h/t Eric)

Paycheck. It’s no secret around here that Earl Cochran is one of “my guys,” in that I think he has some upside and I prefer him to Anthony Weaver.  Well, good news (even though it comes from Pancakes) is that Cochran is being given a real opportunity to take the starting gig away from Weaver.  Which brings up an interesting side question—if Weaver was already limited to two downs because Colvin is going to be the third-down guy more often than not, would Weaver losing his starting job altogether make him the worst free agent signing in Texans’ history?

UPDATE: Hugging Harold Reynolds has an AFC South postcard preview.  I winced, then I laughed at the other three.

How ’bout a nice glass of shut the hell up?

Aug 3, 2008 Andre Johnson, Anger, Righteous Indignation, Rumors, Weak-ass arguments, What the fuck?

OK…time to bust out the old Righteous Indignation Machine.

First, it was the interviewer in this chat with Tim suggesting that ‘Dre was frustrating to fantasy owners (at least in part) because he was so injury-prone. (Side note: Tim continues to impress me in these, mainly because he always seems so much more knowledgeable than the host and winds up carrying the interview.)  Then it was shithead supreme Mike Florio who wrote:

The Texans need a healthy Johnson (heh-heh, heh) in 2008.  Regardless of whether the latest injury is serious, it’s hard not to wonder whether Johnson has become more than a little fragile as his career enters what should be its prime.

That’s dumb, but it’s not even the dumbest thing on the page, as that honor goes to the mouth-breathing dumbfuck who left the first comment to Florio’s post:

Surprise, surprise! Andre Johnson has an injury! Has this guy made it through an entire an NFL season in his entire career?

Righteous Indignation Machine…engage.

Plain and simple, if you think Andre Johnson is “fragile” or “injury prone” or “always hurt,” you are a goddamned retard.  Prior to last season, ‘Dre had ONE YEAR WHERE HE MISSED EVEN A SINGLE GAME.  That was 2005, when a calf injury forced him out of a game early and caused him to miss the next three.  Other than that, Johnson had played every single game…and played really fucking well.

Yes, he was hurt last year.  (And, yes, I am still kind of bitter at Kubiak about it, as there was absolutely no reason for Johnson to even be in the game at that point.)  And, yes, there’s a chance that this groin tweak is somehow related to the rehabilitation of the knee injury.  But one serious injury in five years of football does not make someone fragile.

Compare:

Andre Johnson

Steve Smith

Plaxico Burress

Larry Fitzgerald

Terrell Owens

Need I continue? For a little clarification, for the list above, other than Steve Smith (who I included because people constantly talk about how tough he is), I tried to stick with receivers who were similar in size and or playing style to Andre Johnson.  I’m pretty sure I could plug most any #1 WR into this post, though, and have similar results.

So what the fuck gives?  The guy is every bit as durable as the WRs who get lauded for their toughness and/or for being “gamers.”  He’s had one small injury and one big injury in five years, despite being one of the most targeted WRs in the game and despite being one of the more active WRs when it comes to downfield blocking.  He’s been hung out to dry by his QBs (especially the since-departed pillow biter) more often than just about anyone, yet he takes hits, rarely runs out of bounds, is not afraid to go over the middle, and almost never gets hurt.

One injury does not make someone injury prone.  People like Florio who say otherwise deserve to be faceraped.

Righteous Indignation Machine…disengage.

AJ Scare

Aug 2, 2008 2008 Training Camp, Andre Johnson

I guess we can consider this the first major scare of Training Camp:

Wide receiver Andre Johnson gave the Texans and a crowd of 3,721 fans at the Methodist Training Center quite a scare Saturday when he pulled up lame after running a deep route at the end of practice.

The two-time Pro Bowler appeared to favor his left groin as he limped off the field in noticeable pain. Immediately, the Texans’ training staff and team orthopedist, Dr. Walter Lowe, attended to Johnson.

Thanks in part to people like Will Carroll at Baseball Prospectus, we know that many injuries don’t happen in a vacuum.  Why does AJ suddenly have a groin problem?  Is it related to his knee?  Some of you may and probably will call me alarmist, but these are legitimate medical questions.

Here’s an example.  How did Dizzy Dean hurt his arm after being hit by a line drive in an All-Star game?  Oh yeah, the line drive broke his toe.  Not related, right?  Well, wrong.  The broken toe changed Dean’s impact foot location because of the pain (he was a righty and it was his left foot), and this cascaded to his arm.  The slight change in his motion blew out his shoulder, and he was never the same pitcher again.

Did Andre hurt his groin because he didn’t trust his knee either physically or sub-conciously?  Was his gait changed because of this, which led to the injury?  If there is no follow-up to the injury over the next couple of weeks, I think we can breathe a sigh of relief.  If there is anything related to his leg or lower back in any way, we need to elevate our concern level from green to blue.  Or something.

Hat-tips to Eric, as always, rblnick on the HoustonTexans.com boards, and Nick Schenck as yet another HT.com reporter embarasses the local fishwrap.

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, but I do try and play one at home on my wife.

I don’t know about you…

Jul 6, 2008 2007 Season, 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, DeMeco Ryans, Please let the season start soon, Super Mario

but I need some motherflippin’ football.  Let’s go to the tape!

Now, let’s get ready for 2008…

Kickoff

Jun 26, 2008 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Dancing With the 'Tards, Kickoff, Preseason 2008, Roster, Super Mario, Tim Bulman

Filed this under BRB > Chron.com. I continued to be blown away with the substance the new BRBers are bringing to the Texans blogosphere.  Case in point, marroncito recently did a kick-ass interview with Tim Bulman.  I have to be honest–I assumed during the DHC/BFD discussion that Bulman was not long for this team.  After reading this piece, however, I REALLY hope I was wrong.  (Side note:  Has anyone found ANY news anywhere regarding DGDB&D fave Earl Cochran?)

But…wait…where are Bush and Young?!?!? Courtesy of Eric — who must not love me, because he’s never made me cry at work — we get CBSSportsline’s Top 50 players based on last year’s performance.  My only quibble with the list is DeMeco not making it (he was an honorable mention), but given that he was sorta hobbled near the end of the year, I suppose I can see it.  Maybe.  Kinda.

I guess we’re past the point of sneaking up on people.  A Yardbarker article listing teams that could be on the verge of a Super Bowl run.  Yes, we are on the list.  (And there’s a picturing of Mario making Jay Cutler his bitch at the bottom, which is always fun.)  Also funny, though the Saints are listed, Reggie Bush is not.

Finally.  Welcome back, BFD.  Despite what you say, there are many who would claim that I am not even the best blogger on this blog.  Like Tim.  Tim would totally say that because he’s a smartass.

Kickoff

Jun 25, 2008 Andre Johnson, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Batman, Curious Coaching, I really dig my readers, Jacoby Jones' beer bong, Kickoff, Sandy Vag

Über-commenter Eric came through today with three solid links and a kick ass picture, so this is the all-Eric Kickoff Edition.

Idiot-Proofing The Offseason.  As we’ve seen (Mario Wililams, Jacoby Jones), free time can be dangerous for young players with lots of money.  There’s only so much you can do about that through the winter and spring, but Smithiak have found a way to deal with it during the summer–shorten the amount of freetime by extending summer workouts.

One team subscribing to this theory is Houston. The Texans started their offseason program March 31 and won’t conclude until the week after July 4th, leaving less than two weeks between the end of the program and the start of training camp on July 25. It’s clear Texans GM Rick Smith and coach Gary Kubiak are hoping this wrinkle will pay dividends on the field. In a copycat league, many teams will be looking at the Texans to see how this plays out.

God, let them be smarter than the average Pats fan.  A prediction from a Patriots blog re: AFC South standings.  The Texans’ final record is a thing of beauty, this line about VY is gold. “VY needs to improve his incredibly poor accuracy. He seriously can’t hit a group of shirtless men in a bar.”

Not earth-shaking, but still informative.  A USA Today piece breaking down the offseason changes, the need for people (read: Green, Schaub, Johnson) to stay healthy, and the arrival of Alex Gibbs.

Cannot Approach Reasonable Respectability. Finally, a little flashback humor.

Kickoff

Jun 21, 2008 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Corky Johnson, Curious Coaching, Fantasy Geeks, Kickoff, Okam's Razor, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?

To Be The Best, You’ve Got To Beat The Best Just Stay Healthy.  CBSSports’ fantasy football coverage offers a write-up of Andre Johnson, how ridiculously good he is, and how important it is for him to be 100% healthy this year. My only knock on the article is that it ends with a hint that Johnson is “injury prone.”  (As an aside: I still rank Kubaik’s decision to leave Johnson on the field once the Panthers game was in hand as his worst single decision ever.) (H/T b0ng, via Eric)

Come Along And Ride On A Fantasy Voyage. Another fantasy sports article regarding your Houston Texans.  A fairly straight-forward and honest write-up, with little in the way of surprise.  In fact, the main reason I am posting it is so I can quote this line: “The only addition the team made to the defensive line was fifth-rounder tackle Frank Okam, who needs to supplant the very injury-prone Travis Johnson as soon as possible.”  Replace “injury-prone” with “retarded” and we are in agreement, anonymous web author. (H/T Eric)

Ladies Love 37th Ranked DBs. Rounding out our Saturday Kickoff fantasygasm, here’s an article ranking the top 50 fantasy DBs coming into 2008.  Our own Smoove Will is #37 and C.C. Brown in #39.  The fact that these two are ranked and Fred Bennett is not should tell you all you need to know about the translation from real-life football to fantasy football.

Kickoff

Jun 6, 2008 Andre Johnson, Athletes who don't stab people, Colvin, Cool dudes with cool cars, Kickoff, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario, The Fred, Wal-Mart kills babies

Cars Go Vroom: Remember that Lamborghini video from last year that showed Mario Williams driving roughly 600 MPH?  Yeah, totally understandable…because Mario has an addiction.  To cars.  No, seriously.  ”At age 21, Williams actually entered the league with a list of expensive vehicles he planned to purchase after being drafted.”

Overstating The Obvious: From the AP’s Kristie Rieken: “With [Dunta] Robinson likely out until midseason with an injury, [Fred] Bennett knows it’s now up to him to lead the group until his mentor returns.”  Tomorrow: Water is wet, the sky is blue, and Cowboys fans are insufferable.

Our bad: As first reported at BRB, Wal-Mart pulled a total dick move and refused to give underprivileged kids ice and water when Andre Johnson “only” purchased 677 bikes (at full retail) instead of the 750 he ordered (and they failed to provide). Well, apparently Wal-Mart realized that this was potentially bad PR, so they donated 400 free bikes to the cause, as well as food, water, and ice.

Daily Colvin Story: Not only did Rosy visit the Texans (and Colts), he underwent physicals for both teams and, according to Rotoworld, passed both.  As an aside, Rotoworld also speculates that the Texans are primarily interested in him as a SLB, which I am totally in favor of.

Note: I am leaving for Gulf Shores around lunchtime, so this is it for me today most likely.

The Houston Comicle - Still an accountability free zone

Jun 2, 2008 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Bloggerating, Chris Taylor gets you stoned, Dancing With the 'Tards, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Pancakes McTard, Winstonsaurus

And I’m not even talking about this.

For a while now, we’ve had to put up with the Comicle’s incessant clamoring over Chris Taylor, which has been, not surprisingly, led by Pancakes himself. After all, he is the King of the ‘Tards.

But, something funny happened on the way to OTAs. Here’s Eric Winston:

Well, I tell you what, there’s a big battle going on there. You can really tell that all those guys really want to play and they all have really good skill. And that’s good, because you want a lot of guys at that position because you never know what can happen. Sometimes, you have four there and everyone stays healthy and a guy doesn’t get to play. Then, when you’re a little thin there, then all of a sudden a rash of injuries hit. So you’ve always got to be prepared, because in our system it’s such a vital point to have a guy that can really go at that part, and with Ahman (Green) looking healthy, Chris Brown coming in and (being) just real familiar with the zone scheme, and you’ve got Steve Slaton just carrying on what he’s done from West Virginia. So I think we’ve got three different kind of backs but, at the same time, three very exciting backs.

What? No mention of Chris Taylor??? Didn’t Winston ask permission from Pancakes to leave him off???

I was just as excited as anyone after Taylor’s performance the last game of the 2006 season. However, it’s 1. not realistic that he was the reason the Texans didn’t take a RB in the 1st round, and 2. he’s not likely in the picture to play a significant role even if he makes the game day roster in the first place.

I’m not saying it’s the best decision. But, as long as Ahman Green is healthy and we are on the hook for his 2008 salary, he’s staying (we have to pay him one way or the other, so it’s almost a why the hell not? kinda thing). Chris Brown looks like he’ll get plenty of carries. Then, what do we do? Drop Slaton? At best, Taylor is #4 on the depth chart, and, even then, he’ll still have to beat Darius Walker for a spot.

That their rampant speculation is so far off base isn’t surprising, and it’s part of the problem of being an insider: the Texans staff simply don’t have to tell the truth to the Comicle writers, and they gain little, if anything, by doing so. As an outsider, there is a certain reliance that the insiders aren’t complete dumbasses and, well, we know how that’s looking. But the Comicle will never have to pay a mea culpa as long as they aren’t held accountable for their poor reporting.

(For the record, if I screw up badly at my job, my company will be in the headlines. I have to deal with accountability every day)

Chris Taylor!? YAY! The savior of the Texans running game? Not so much.

—————–

From the Texans’ All Access celebration:

“First of all, I’d like to thank all you guys for coming out. We’re really excited about this season coming up. All the guys are excited. You know, we finished 8-8 last year. If you are worried about my knee, my knee is doing fine.” - Andre Johnson

Again, I warn of reading too much into this and remind you to ask yourself, “What do you really expect him to say?” It’s good news, but let’s see how he looks in camp and, most importantly, in the pre-season.

———————

One last nugget for the day, courtesy of rotoworld.com:

Jacoby Jones has been running with the Texans’ first-team offense with Andre Johnson (arthroscopic knee surgery) sidelined.

I couldn’t be more thrilled. As exciting as Apostrophe Davis was for us last year, the fact is he’s 29 and coming off his best year since 2002, if not ever. In other words, we have seen his ceiling as a wide receiver. But, damnz, what a badass 4th WR to have (especially if Andre misses time), and what an awesome weapon to have in the return game. I still have my man-crush on Jacoby thanks to TPL from battleredblog.com, and Jacoby was awesomely impressive in the pre-season last year. He just seemed to lose his confidence after being tackled by a punter, getting injured in the process.

As we get closer to the season, Matt and I - with all of you pitching in awesome wisdom - will flesh out our team. I will tell you that I am super-excited about WR heading into 2008.

File this one under “Yikes!”

May 19, 2008 Andre Johnson, Dancing With the 'Tards

Megan Manfull of the Comicle is reporting that Andre Johnson will miss OTAs after he had arthroscopic knee surgery on Thursday. Evidently, the knee acted up during mini-camp.

Now, I’m not worried about Andre missing reps: the dude knows this offense and probably dreams about it in technicolor at night. BUT, I am seriously worried about his health in 2008. After all, this is the knee that caused him to miss seven games in 2007, and that he had clean-up surgery (not knowing the details) is scary. I know there is a little projection going on thanks to my date with the knee knife on several occasions, but revisiting the scene of the crime is never a good idea.

The other factor is that the knee bothered Andre during the season even after the original surgery. Will this be a chronic problem? It has been for nine months and counting.

Let’s be honest here: Andre drives our offense. We can talk about the line or Teh Schaub or whomever, but when we lost Andre last year, our offensive dropped a turd. Andre stretches defenses, which in turn helps our running game. We need Andre.

Checking on Andre’s health heading into training camp will be a priority. Yes, this post smells a bit of paranoia, but after all of last year’s injuries, I’m freakin’ paranoid.

Alive

Feb 16, 2008 Andre Johnson, Blasphemy, Bloggerating, Free Agency, Had to post something, Inanity, Injury bug, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Ron Dayne likes pie, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Sign Andre Davis now, Updates

I know it’s been dead-ish around here. Apologies.

All should improve starting tomorrow. I think. Probably.

Until then, here are five topics to discuss:

• Has anyone ever done more in a shorter time to submarine his own trade value than Sage did at the end of the season?
• Andre Johnson–god, or mere demigod?
• If Ahman Green died in a forest, would anyone notice?
• Given that Andre Davis is a special teams ninja as well as a solid receiver, do you think Jacoby Jones admires Apostrohpe or secretly wishes him dead?
• Who weighs more: Ron Dayne or Rosie O’Donnell?

History is the distillation of rumour.

Dec 28, 2007 2007 Season, 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Bloggerating, Casserly blows goats... I have proof, Douchebag Tom, Gary Kubiak, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Self-Referential Stuff, Shameless begging, T-shirts, Tempting Fate, The Future, The Schaub Experiment

I’m guessing we all sort of assumed as much but, in case you had any doubts, Kubes said yesterday that Sage Rosenfels will start Sunday’s finale.

I’m going to start Sage. Sage will be our starter going into the game. It will be a game-time decision on Matt on whether he’ll be our backup or the third. Over the course of the next couple of days, we’ll see.

Possible Translation: Sage’s trade value took a hit last week, so I am going to run him back out there, hope they play their second-team defense, and give him a chance to bring that stock back up. Also, I’d be a fool if I let Matt Schaub back out there before his shoulder was 100%. Since I already managed to get Andre Johnson hurt this year, I think I’ll pass on taking another stupid risk. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go remind everyone that Mario was the correct pick.

In all seriousness, though (or at least as much seriousness I can muster), this is the right move. As much as we would like to win this game, it would almost be a pyhrric victory if Matt did further damage to the separated shoulder (or suffered another concussion). Besides, right now, at this exact moment in time, I can’t honestly look any of you in the virtual eye and say that starting Matt gives us any sort of increased likelihood of winning.

Which is NOT to say that I don’t still think Schaub is the guy, both in terms of short-term competition with Sage and long-term health of the franchise.

Unless I am missing something, we have four answers to the question of “What about Sage?” 1. We can hold on to him, content in knowing that we have “The Best Backup in Football” should Schuab get injured. 2. We can take advantage of his reputation as “The Best Backup in Football” and use it to net ourselves players or draft picks to fill more pressing needs. 3. We can make him the starter based on what he’s done this year as compared to Schaub. 4. We can hold on to him and let him and Schaub battle it out next summer because we believe both of them are capable of being an NFL starting QB.

Numbers 1 and 2 both have their merits, but we’ll deal with them in a moment. To my way of thinking, #3 is asinine unless you really, REALLY believe that we messed up by trading for Schaub, which is a pretty hard position to defend and is generally shared only by the same sort of people that believe Tony Hollings was a smart pick. Number 4, though…that’s what this discussion is really about, isn’t it? Because there are intelligent people who honestly believe that Sage is capable of being the starter and that whichever one of the two QBs who wins the battle can be the future of this organization. To those people, I have to say that I respectfully disagree. (To the people in the #3 camp, I disagree, but there is no respect involved.)

I’ve said it before, but there absolutely had to be a reason that Matt Schaub was the most sought backup QB in the league before last offseason. True, he did not have much of a body of work to support that lofty position, but NFL heads had to have seen something they liked in him to drive his pricetag up as high as it went. And in his first two games of this season, when the team was reasonably healthy and there was a semblance of a running game, many fans (myself included) were thrilled about how great the Matt Schaub era was going to be. So, yeah, there have been flashes of starting-caliber ability from Matt. Additionally, red zone INTs notwithstanding, there is no substantial body of evidence that suggests Matt isn’t capable of being a starting QB.

On the other hand, for all Sage has done this year, can we really overlook the fact that in four years of mini-camps and training camps (not to mention the 13 games had played in) he couldn’t beat out such Dolphin luminaries as Jay Fielder, Ray Lucas, Brian Griese, AJ Feeley, and Gus Frerotte? Don’t you think that, if Rosenfels had shown even a glimmer of the ability to be a starter, that he would not have been the one constant on the roster as the Dolphins brought in all those other guys in an effort to find a real QB?

Is this dispositive? Of course not. There is nothing that says future performance has to be directly correlated with past performance. Besides, in theory, it is perfectly believable that a guy languished in an organization so bereft of common sense that he never really had a chance to prove his ability. But, while that sounds nice in theory, can someone point me to one guy–just one–who did next to nothing for four years on a winning team (the Dolphins were over .500 three of Sage’s four years) only to be reborn as a bona fide starter somewhere else? I honestly can’t think of one. The closest I can come up with off the top of my head is Rich Gannon in his four years with Kansas City, but that’s a crappy comparison because (a) Rich had already been in the league seven years when he got to KC, (b) he played much more during his time in KC than Sage did in Miami, and (c) anyone with any sense was screaming for Rich to remain the starter over Elvis Grbac. Still, I suppose Gannon is an example of a very late bloomer, so at least that part holds.

On the contrary, you can think of a number of guys who were thought to be better than they’d shown with their previous teams, only to also suck upon arrival at their new NFL addresses, even if they initially showed promise with the second team. David Carr had some Carolina fans calling for Jake’s head based on some training camp games. How’d that work out? People actually believed that Joey Harrington could be the guy in Atlanta based on…umm…I actually don’t know. Brian Griese has gotten multiple shots like this, always based on a couple good games he had in the preseason or in the previous season. So, do you really have enough faith that Sage is the exception to this pattern that you would let the future of the Texans ride on that belief?

Look, I’m not trying to suggest that Sage hasn’t had a good year, or that his year wasn’t objectively better than Schaub’s. Clearly, it was. I would suggest, however, that we are comparing apples and oranges when we put them side-by-side: one is a guy who came in with a ton of promise, lived up to it for his first two games, then saw his #1 weapon–one of the best three or four WRs in football–go down and his running game go kaput; the other guy is one that has a five year history of not being the best QB on a roster full of crappy QBs, led a nice near-comeback that caused people to ignore his turnovers in that game, then was at the helm when Andre Johnson was back at full strength and the defense began playing much better. Which, I guess, is my long-winded way of saying that Sage’s success this year can just as easily be chalked up to right place, right time as to anything inherent in him. There’s nothing wrong with that–a lot of guys get their initial breaks that way (Kurt Warner, Tom Brady, etc.). But how many of those guys previously lost playing time to Ray effin’ Lucas?

Trying again to make a long story short–if you had to bet your life on one of these two QBs being successful in Houston five years from now, would you take the guy who came into town with enough promise to warrant two second-round picks or the guy who came into town after four years of being the backup to guys who should never have been anything more than backups?

“But,” some of you are probably saying, “why not just keep both of them so we have a solid backup?” Thank you for segueing me into Numbers 1 and 2 from the earlier list. In a perfect world, where every Mario Williams is backed up by an Earl Cochran and every free agent WR can produce like Andre Davis, it would be a fantastic luxury to have a backup of Sage’s quality. Hell, it would be ideal. But, as we all know, this Texans roster is far from complete. Our highest paid player, Anthony Weaver, has been invisible or worse for much of the season. We don’t have a real first- and second-down running back. Strongside linebacker, nose tackle, center, right and left guard, free safety, all continue to be question marks as well. To make matters worse–at least when it comes to filling some of those holes–we don’t have a second-round draft pick this year.

Even if you don’t buy the idea that Sage’s past gives us any sort window into his abilities, the mere fact that we have so many spaces to fill should suggest that, if someone is willing to give us any kind of a package that includes the words “third-round draft pick” we owe it to ourselves to make that deal. We would be letting someone else take the chance that Sage 2008 will be more like Sage 2004 than 2007 and we would be addressing actual, pressing needs.

I have to believe that Smithiak realize this need to get something for Sage and that this is what is driving all the talk about Sage being a quality NFL QB. I mean, otherwise, by telling the fans over and over that Rosenfels is a starting-quality QB and will “push” Matt to be better, they would be creating an instant QB controversy as soon as Matt had one down game. I might have bought that the previous regime was that short-sighted, but I tend to think this group understands these things and would not set Matt or Sage up to fail. Besides, given that Kubiak is by all accounts a huge Matt Schaub fan and has been since the kid arrived, any scenario that doesn’t revolve around getting the best team possible on the field around Matt Schaub would be incongruous with what they’ve been telling us.

Wow…I really didn’t mean to write that much when I started this post. Sorry about that. And I realize that a lot of this is rehashing some old points, so I don’t know that much of it is comment-inducing. Such is life.

****************************************************************************

In other, non-related bits:

• You know how I use the Texans’ logo at the top-left of every post? Well, after seeing that the NFL “asked” HPF to remove team logos and whatnot (and factoring in that there have to be at least a few people out there who are unhappy with their respective portrayals herein), I’m beginning to think that I should get rid of that. Now, this place is pretty graphic-free as it is, so I kind of like having a little something up there for visual interest and to make it easier to see where new posts start if I am scrolling down the page. I think it’s pretty well-known that I am awful at photoshops (right, BFD?), so if any of you can come up with some sort of graphic roughly that same size that “embodies” this blog in some way, I’ll, like, give you my undying love. And a free DGDB&D t-shirt, if you want one. To the extent this is a contest, it ends as soon as I pick one.
• Two different people have asked me if I am rooting for the Titans this weekend since I hate Peyton Manning with such a passion.  No, I am not.  I am rooting for Albert Haynesworth to kill Manning and then get kicked out of the game for violating Peyton’s corpse, but I want Sorgi to lead the Colts to the win.  My reasoning?  Seeing Vince choke away a playoff birth would make Mario’s breakout season extra sweet.  (Also, if we can’t make the playoffs, I don’t want those turds to make it, either.  I am selfish like that.)
• Douchebag Tom the douchey banned commenter is still a douchebag. Which is not really news, but still seemed worth mentioning.

Odds and Ends

Dec 11, 2007 2006 Draft, Andre Johnson, Awesomeness, Curious Coaching, Houston Chronicle, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Richard Justice is a talentless hack., Super Mario, The Fred, The Schaub Experiment

Random tidbits of stuff that I would normally do a full post on if this last fortnight hadn’t been ridiculously busy.

• Apparently, someone has kidnapped Richard Justice and replaced him with Pollyanna Sunshine. I replied to the old “he can’t play” email with a message that said simply “care to retract this?” I expected another smart-ass answer, or no answer at all. Instead, I received his answer two minutes after I sent my message. “Yes, I do. That was wayyyyyy wrong.” Color me shocked.
• BRB was all over this when it broke, but it appears Jerome Mathis (a) owns a number of pit bulls and (b) somehow managed to let some of them escape. Dumb? Sure. But also awesomely hilarious. Thank you, Jerome; you may not give the team anything on the field, but you just gave me an early Christmas present.
• Not to be Debbie Downer (who is Pollyanna Sunshine’s goth cousin), but how painful is that loss to Atlanta now that you see the wheels completely off down there? Seriously, your coach just up and walked away from the team during the season so he could take the job with a middle-of-the-road SEC team that’s about to lose Darren McFadden and Felix Jones? That cannot be a good sign.
• I realize I haven’t really posted anything about the win over Tampa Bay. Like a number of you, I was forced to follow on gamecast because the weather prevented me from getting a good Sirius signal in the house. My thoughts on the game, based on what I got from the live blog and what transpired on my computer screen, are as follows:

• Mario Williams is a bad, bad man. I look for him to knock Jay Cutler somewhere into the middle of next week.
• Morlon Greenwood is underrated (and I have been saying so since the preseason, thank you very much).
• Andre Johnson against regular DBs is a lot like when I play against some of the third graders I coach. The fact
• that we had to play without him for much of the year still pisses me off at Kubiak.
• Why was totally-unproven Matt Schaub the most prized backup in football, but Sage gets almost no press at all? Shouldn’t we be able to get a couple second-rounders for him?
• Will Demps is playing like a ninja. A love ninja. Really, other than gets rolled by Jamal Lewis a couple weeks ago, he’s been playing lights out. Which is really weird to say regarding any of our safeties since…um…ever.
• Fred Bennett continues to impress. Jacoby Jones continues to disappoint. Petey Faggins continues to be not playing very much. These things are good, bad, and awesome, respectively.

• I am strangely thrilled about having a Thursday night game. Which is only odd because, prior to this week, I was annoyed by the Thursday games. It’s a really cool idea (an extra night of football) that’s really poorly executed (a channel that a whole lot of people can’t get) and that gets in the way of my prognosticatin’ (because I generally do those on Friday or even Saturday). This week, though, it’s nothing but good.
• UPDATE: It was pointed out by grungedave that I failed to mention that I am the greatest football prognosticator of all time. Pay no attention to the previous week when I was awful, because I rocked a solid 15-0 last week. That’s balls, baby. Big balls.