DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Per usual, consider this an Almost-All-Eric edition.

Filed under Great News.  I’m guilty of being part of the pessimistic crowd when it comes to the subject of Dunta’s return this year.  Thankfully, this is one of those areas where I really hope I am wrong.  According to this article, it appears that maybe—just maybe—I might be. “Robinson is running hard in practice and cutting sharply.”  Next up, at some point in the coming weeks, is getting out there and trying to cover WRs.  Once I see him do that, I’ll buy that he’s coming back in 2008.  And then I’ll probably shed a couple tears of joy.

Gimme. Interesting blurb from ESPN’s Kuharsky, highlighting the AFC South’s contributions to the AFC’s overall edge in turnovers against the NFC.  Two things jump out at me.  First, we suck(ed) in this department.  Second, between Garrard’s regression to the mean and Gregg Williams’ defenses’ inability to create turnovers (seriously, look it up), Jacksonville has to slide a bit this year.  (Note: This stuff about J’ville?  How it sounds like it could be part of a bigger post?  That’s called “foreshadowing.”)

Not much to add.  Word from the mothership about the first cuts.  Of note, Rick Smith doesn’t believe in “just bringing bodies in” to training camp.  Which suggests that Mike Bell, in theory, had a chance to make the team, had he not been a fat shit.

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?  There’s goofy.  There’s nuts.  And there’s the off-the-deep-end kind of psychosis that leads one to believe that the Titans will be 9-1 through their first ten games.  And they say meth isn’t a problem in Tennessee?

Finally. Hit it.

(Many of these links are courtesy of Eric.  I leave it to you to figure out which ones.)

Variations on a theme.  There’s comedy, there’s high comedy, there’s transcendent comedy, and then there’s a thread BE-SF fans trying to decide if Vince Young might just not be quite as good as they think.  My favorite line from the thread: “Anybody that has the chance to have Young close at practices…please tell him that is time to wake up from the Lhorns dreamy land goal got…and get this working as soon as possible… ” I’m not totally sure what that means, but I’m pretty sure it’s not good.

Yikes.  Keith Weiland with a grim reminder of our failings in signing free agents.  There’s not much to say other than “GUH.”

David Anderson.  ‘Nuff said.

This is good news. Remember back right after Manning had the bursa sack removed when his supporters (douchebags, the lot of ‘em) were laughing about the rest of us speculating that Manning might miss regular season games?  “Morons!  Scaredy bitches!  Of course he will be back!  He’ll be ready to kick your ass Week 1!”  Well, it seems like things aren’t quite so certain at this point.  He “hopes” to be ready.  They think he’s on schedule.  There is talk that he might practice next week…or maybe not…who knows?  My own guess: He misses week 1, then struggles to shake some rust off in weeks 2-4.  And then we beat the Colts.  There, I said it.

In a move that is likely to make stacy’s head explode, BE-SF fans voted Earl Campbell their greatest player ever.

Now, say what you will about how they kept the Oilers name/records/etc. Once you CHANGE NAMES in a NEW STATE, all bets are off as far as holding on to the past. You can keep the Oilers as part of your franchise timeline, but you CANNOT lump Earl in as the greatest Titan ever…BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER A TITAN. To claim otherwise makes you an absolute fuckrag. No one likes a fuckrag, man.

To those who will say “but it was for the greatest Oiler/Titan ever,” I call bullshit.  The team (or, more accurately, it’s sodomite owner) wanted out of Houston.  Fine.  And, honestly, had they remained the Oilers this whole time, even the choosing of Earl Campbell would be justified, if slightly dirty.  But they didn’t.  They shitcanned the city of Houston, then punted the team name a short time later—basically, they started fresh without having to waste years as an expansion team. And, in doing so, they offended 95% of the Oilers fanbase.

Was Earl Campbell the greatest Oiler ever?  Of course.  Was he the greatest player ever owned by Bud Adams?  Of course.  Did he have a single goddamned thing to do with the state of Tennessee or the Titans?  Nope.  And I bet he’s happy about that.

Besides, to hear some of you BE-SF fans tell it, shouldn’t Vince Young have won this vote hands down?

Back in this post, I mentioned that we are always willing and happy to run well-written posts from our readers.  This is one of those posts.  (Also, I expand that offer to include fans of other teams that would like to offer a well-reasoned reponse to things they’ve read here about their favorite teams.)

Here’s the next guest post:

A Reasoned Rebuttal To A Richard Justice Article That Doesn’t Deserve A Link
by: Vega

You sense you are in the presence of greatness the moment he enters a room. Adults and children are in awe. Teammates love him, opponents respect him. There will never be another one like him.

Joe Montana - worthless. Jerry Rice – NFL slut. Dan Marino – what did he ever fucking accomplish? Walter Payton – he couldn’t even avoid death.

Vince Young did things on a football field that made grown men cry.

Similarly, Richard Justice has done things in journalism that make me cry.

He brought happiness to millions, made their boring lives worth living.

Damn it. If only I lived in Texas and was a Longhorn fan, my life wouldn’t suck.

He wore orange, but Tech fans, Aggie fans, UH fans, all fans rooted for him as if he was their own. Such was his greatness.

Wait a second, you mean EVERYONE loved him?! Friend and foe alike?! Well then why do I hate him now that he’s a BE-SF? Also, why… hold on, is he dead? Is this a eugogoly?

He made an entire state—and probably an entire nation—feel good about itself. All Vince Young has been to Texans is everything.

That fucker just called me an “it”.

That’s why nothing that happens this year in sports will be as emotionally powerful as what The University of Texas has planned for August 30. That’s when Vince Young’s jersey No. 10 will be retired by the Longhorns.

Michael Phelps would agree. When Tiger won the US Open on a broken leg, his first thoughts were of Vince Young. Eli Manning wore #10 in the Superbowl in honor of Young.

I’m probably like a lot of you in that when I’m feeling down or have had a bad day at work I put in the DVD of that Rose Bowl. No matter how many times I watch it, I’m still inspired by it, moved by it.

And sometimes, when I’m alone, I’ll grab a bottle of baby oil and a wooden spoon and spank my own ass.

It makes me want to work harder, to accomplish more. It makes me want to make Vince proud.

Usually, I’ll do a double of tequila and rub my own boob and I know that somewhere, Vince Young is smiling.

Whenever I’m in Austin, I drop by to see The Trophy, to feel its power, to remember that incredible evening.

Reading comprehension question: What is Richard Justice referring to when he speaks of “The Trophy”, “its power”, and “that incredible evening”?

a. The BCS Trophy, what it represents, and the 2006 Rose Bowl

b. His Pulitzer Prize, his extensive influence, that night he learned to fly.

c. His Vince Young Real Doll, sweaty man love, and his evening routine

d. Other. Please elaborate.

I never expect to have another one like it as long as I’m on this earth.

I wonder what your wife thinks about this.

I’ll be there for the ceremony. If you can’t be there, I’ll be there for you. I’ll capture the moment for you. I will write something that tugs at your heart and reflects Vince’s greatness. That is my gift.

Gee, thanks Dick, but I’m allergic to literary semen. How about if I just hammer an ice pick through my testicles and we call it square?

Texas isn’t like other places. Texas only honors a few of its own. Texas isn’t like other schools. Greatness is routine at Texas.

I’d like to step aside for a moment and congratulate BFD and all the other Longhorns on this site for being great. Super job, guys!

To have your jersey retired by The University of Texas, you have to be special.

He definitely is “special”.

Vince will join Tommy Nobis (60), Bobby Layne (22), Earl Campbell (20) and Ricky Williams (34) as the only Longhorns to have their numbers retired.

So according to the previous statement, Ricky Williams is pretty great and special too, huh. Among his accomplishments he lists setting the NCAA career rushing record (later broken by Ron Dayne), quitting the NFL so he could smoke more weed, not being able to get through a CFL season, and that night he ate 15 bags of Doritos.

The University of Texas is a special place. Whether you graduated from Texas, as I did, or you have visited the campus, you understand its power, its beauty and its grace. It’s a place of ideas, a place of thought, a place where people learn to be the best they can be.

It’s one of a kind too. Harvard, MIT, Princeton – amateurs.

So Texas will honor one of its best. He’s a magical man in that he’s beloved, not just by the University of Texas, but by millions of others. He’s admired for his football accomplishments, but also for his charitable heart and his dignity.

Yup, dignity. Lots of dignity.

”I’m really looking forward to getting back to Austin again, seeing everyone, reaching out to the community with my foundation event and cheering on my team,” Vince said. ”I was speechless when they told me about the jersey retirement earlier this summer, and I still don’t think it’s sunk in. It’s such a great honor to be remembered in such a special way. Man, when I see that number and my name on the stadium. I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s just going to be such an unbelievable feeling for me and my family.”

Quick, raise your hand if you think that Vince Young knows the name of his foundation.

No, Vince, the honor is all ours. You allowed us to watch you play.

It’s a good thing you did too. Every year before college football starts, I stress over which players are going to allow me to watch.

”When you think about Vince, all he’s done for The University, our football program and the community, it’s going to be a really special day for all of us and a great opportunity to say thank you,” Mack Brown said. ”Thank you for what he does as a football player, how he represents our football program, athletic department and university, for sending such a great message about education by coming back to finish up school, but most importantly, for always giving back. Vince is a terrific football player but an even more special young man.”

Is it me, or is there an excessive amount of “special”-ness going on?

We’re Texas.

I thought we were Marshall?

What starts here changes the world.

We’re still talking about football right? Football that happened two and a half years ago?

Has Vince Young found a cure for cancer that I’m not aware of? Did he bring peace to the Middle East and I just missed the news conference? He’s a fucking football player!!

I’ve been clear in my comments here that I have no affiliation to UT and am completely impartial to what the team does in sports. That said, I don’t speak about my own mother this way. I don’t talk like this to my fiancee. She’d probably cancel the wedding if I did. I would love to hear from the UT crowd. Do you all feel the same?

Making the leap? Paul Kuharsky has five questions with Amobi Okoye.  In them we learn that Amobi wants to make a leap similar to the one Mario made last year.  Also, Amobi and LeBron are friends and “obviously, we talked like people of the same age talk.”  Fo’ realz. (h/t Eric)

Consistent.  How does Mike Florio manage to say something retarded every time he writes about the Texans?  You’d think that once he’d get through a whole article without looking like a fool.  Not this time, though.

Guh.  Titans fan with a preview of the Texans.  Don’t you love how someone can spend the majority of the analysis talking about a large amount of talent on both sides of the ball, then conclude with a dismissive “I see another last place finish” for the Texans?  That’s fun.

Finally.  Programming notes:  I hope to set up the Fantasy Football league this weekend and have the information up come Sunday or Monday.  I’ll recap the people who’ve said yes when I post the info.  Also, at some point this weekend, I hope to have a fairly detailed post about why the Jags are going to stumble this year.

With the exception of frequent commenter NewsToTom, Tennessee Titans fans are the most myopic, delusional, irrational demographic in sports.  To hear them tell it, the Titans will win at least 25 games this year, Vince will throw for 5000 yards and run for 2000, and the defense might actually force teams into negative points.

Kids, meth kills.

Overexposure Redux.  I have another article up (and in print) for the Houston Banner.  Nothing groundbreaking, but I’ll be damned if I am going to miss a chance to link to myself.  You all should know that by now.

Where’s Winston?  Total Titans has the All-AFC South team up.  I agree with most of it, though I think Bennett should be in the mix and there is no way in hell you leave Eric Winston off of it.  Also, only slightly related, Dallas Clark is overrated.  There, I said it.

Awesome.  Andre Johnson is back working out with the team for the first time since the groin pull.  This is good news.

Finally. Caption away, peoples!

What’s up?

• Chris Johnson is ridiculously fast, and that cut is pretty nifty, too. In time we’ll find out whether or not he’s a 300-carry guy, but this parcticular run is scary. Somewhere, LenDale White is celebrating his reduced workload with a bottle of chocolate syrup.
• Paul Kuharsky’s blog has found it’s way into my bookmarks and should probably find a home in yours, too. Here’s a quick down and dirty interview he did with our favorite caveman, Eric Winston. I was pretty disappointed with the running game last night, but Winston made me feel all gooey inside when he reminded us that they’re still learning this thing. Also, here is Kuharsky’s take on the Texans’ performance. Nothing that hasn’t been said by bfd or Battle Red Blog already.
• Chris at Houston Diehards asks how the Brett Favre trade impacts the Texans’ pursuit for a playoff spot. My take? There’s a logjam of teams to worry about before we get around to the Jets.
• Hey, what the hell happened to Tim Bulman? Is he still alive? There was a bunch of excitement and now… nothing.

Aristocrats!

You say something this incredibly stupid:

Hey Matt did you understand that OT loss to VY’s Titans? Or was that too complicated… you know a touchdown in sudden death OT. even a …. fuckwit…. takes a playmaker that wins games over a defensive lineman.

/looking for games Mario Williams won…. still looking…. couldnt find one but he did have a mediocre season last year. Congratulations Texans fans! you went 8-8!

Holy.  Crap.

There’s way too much stupid in this statement to even Fisk the sucker.  But I will say this: the basic, fundamental lack of football knowledge displayed here is simply astounding.  To answer your question: yes, it appears to have been posted by a cow-fuckers fan.  Just kinda figures, don’t it?

The stupid burns!  Get it off! GET IT OFF!!!

No link yet, but… A Fox 26 rumor has it that four running backs will be visiting camp today–-Tony Temple (Missouri), Calvin Dawson (UL-Lafayette), J.D. Washington (Denzel’s kid, out of Morehouse), and the aforementioned Mike Bell (Arizona, by way of the Denver Broncos).  Of these, Bell is the known quantity, of course.  Washington has spent two years on the Rams’ practice squad.  I know nothing of Dawson.  Temple, however, is the one who intrigues me.  Maybe it was just the ineptness of the Razorback coaching staff, but Temple took Arkansas’ Ess Eee See Speed and shoved it up their asses, dismantling the Hog defense in the Cotton Bowl.  Regardless, Chris Brown should probably go ahead and pack his bags…or, you know, have someone else do it, since his back is so bad. (h/t Eric)

Brilliant.  I hate linking to PFT, but I’ve seen this other places as well.  Apparently, the Baby-Eating Sister-Fuckers are bringing in Byron Leftwich to work out.  They don’t plan on signing him, but they want to see how he’d fit in the offense, should Radio and Vodka Collins both get injured. Because, clearly, a guy who passes like Vince and runs like Kerry is going to be fantastic. (Eric)

Sticking with the BESFs. It seems Jevon Kearse missed his second straight practice yesterday, this time with knee pain.  He left the morning practice because his foot got stepped on.  Dear Tman, please tell me again how Kearse is going to be an amazing quarterback destroying force this year.  I love a good tall tale. (Yup, Eric)

Finally. Caption time.

Forward Thinking.  Rosy Colvin likes his new team and likes the role of situational pass rusher.  Says Colvin, “I would love to be going forward. A lot of the guys up there in New England used to say all the time when I’d drop back in coverage, ‘Keep that guy going forward.’”

Cinco.  SOLIS has a great run-down of Day Five of Training Camp.

OHMYGOD, STOP THE PRESSES AND HOLD EVERYTHING!!!!! Vince Young was inconsistent in practice yesterday.  This is a shocking and wholly unexpected development.  In other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, and I am a jerk.

Programming Note.  I am kind of busy for the rest of the day, so odds are good that I won’t post anything else before this evening at the earliest.  As always, BFD is at the mercy of his job.  And you thought doing gay fetish porn was easy.

Novel. Paul Kuharsky is doing a solid job on his AFC South blog for tWWL.  See, Matt Mosley, it is possible to talk about more than just the Dallas Cowboys!  Anyway, he has this blurb yesterday in his discussion of Texans practice:

Chester Pitts told me Sunday the Texans are doing a better job of using the whole field in the run game, and I could see that is the case. It looks like everyone involved in the run game is making progress with the new zone-blocking scheme, though obviously the offensive line isn’t cut-blocking teammates.

It’s an interesting point and one I hadn’t really considered, I guess.  The team was pretty limited in the directions they ran the ball last year, though.  Anything wider than off-tackle was seemingly done with a flare pass rather than a run, for example.  Assuming ol’ Chester is right, that fact alone could make the running game more effective this year.

Yes, sensei! Sticking with Paul for a second, the Texans are your AFC South leaders. In number of coaches, that is.  I’m not sure what to make of this.  On the one hand, it’s probably good for the younger players to have more face time with the staff, both for learning purposes and for better evaluation when it comes time to cut people.  On the other, don’t you wonder if some of that is just trying to cover for weaker coaches without firing them?  I’m looking at you, Ray Rhodes and Richard Smith.

Shirts, unfortunately, not optional. A guide for people planning on attending Titans practice. There’s a warning at the end: You’ll hear plenty of salty language during practice. I’m not sure that prepares a fan for the shock of hearing VY tell LenDale how much he wants to suck the sweat from the fat man’s titties, but maybe that’s just me.

Finally.  Caption away, peoples!

Albert “Puppy Po-Boy” Haynesworth and the BE-SF came to an agreement today as he signed a one-year tender.  Haynesworth led the league in cheap shots and hair-pulling last year, two of his proudest accomplishments.

To celebrate, Haynesworth threw lawn darts at a Boy Scout troop and knocked an old lady across the street.

Here’s hoping our newly signed Mr. Brown teaches this asshole a little lesson in respect.

Fuzzy math.  The Titans claim Haynesworth’s one-year tender offer makes him the highest paid player in football.  Haynesworth’s agent disagrees.  Haynesworth responded by punching an eldery lady and squishing a newborn baby with his bare hands. (h/t Eric)

Irritating trends in national sports journalism. I post this article merely as further proof that Morlon Greenwood is the most underrated player in football.  He is lumped into the guys who are “holes around” Mario, Amobi, and DeMeco.  Fred Bennett is also, apparently, part of that group.

The is your brain on drugs.  Following up from BFD’s Kickoff yesterday, Chris has added a second round of numbers to the predictions for the BE-SF’s 2008 season.  Suffice it to say that, should these numbers pan out, the Titans will be one of the greatest offensive teams in the history of football.  Which will be even more impressive, since they are doing it without WRs.

Finally.  Some retard wrote a breakdown of the Texans’ running back situation.

Albert Haynesworth’s only sustenance is kittens and the blood of homeless people.

Discuss.

(h/t Tman, cuz he gets all his BE-SF news here)

Somebody needs a hug: As much fun as it is to make fun of Vince Young, noted cheap-shot artist and Teh Schaub killer Albert Haynesworth truly deserves our scorn.  With a h/t to Eric in the last thread, it appears that Haynesworth needs his favorite dolly and a nap after he and the BE-SFs couldn’t agree to terms on a long-term contract.  Instead, he’ll be slapped with the franchise tag.  If you go to the link, you can see him tearing up at the thought.  He’ll be OK, though: he’s gonna go all Cruella Di Vil on a bag full of puppies to make him feel better.

More man-crush coverage: Stealing this link from Jordan, the league’s version of an aneroxic Methuselah, Al Davis, couldn’t reach terms on a long-term contract with Nnamdi Asomugha.  A year is a long way from now, about a year, in fact, but since we drafted Antwaun Molden and signed Frenchy Reeves, I don’t think we’ll focus on CB next year.  Oh well, but here’s hoping our CBs make the decision easy.  As with Haynesworth, Asomugha gets the franchise tag.

9-7?: Tim at BRB takes his first shot at the season and comes up with a 9-7 season.  Personally, I like BigBlueShoe’s prediction of a 10-11 season.  Heh.

Vince Young != MVP, Cy Young, and Lady Byng all wrapped up into one neat little package: The 9-7 discussion led Chris to do a little look-back at a BE-SF prediction.  No pollyannas were found.

The X Factor Cometh: Temporarily breaking the Comicle moratorium, Xavier Adibi signed a four-year deal.  Finally, is it me or are some of the commenters at the chron, well, special?  This person, with his in-depth analysis, is likely to be hired by the chron soon: “CaptainHook wrote: He’s going to suck!!!!”  Hard hitting news you can trust.

Anyway, great news for the team getting him inked.

Secret Santa Says You Suck.  I’m not going to lie—if I received this as a present, I would assume that the giver of said gift thought I was a total flop at life, that I wasn’t worth the money my job paid me, and/or that I am injury prone.  (Seriously, though, the inclusion of Corey Bradford is a nice touch that screams “when we made this, we couldn’t name a third Texan off the top of our collective heads.”) (h/t Eric)

“plays [them] close” = gimme? WTF? I was going to do a big post about this piece and its line about the Texans, but then I realized my entire post boiled down to a simple message: Fuck you, Jason McIntyre. Stick to writing bullshit gossip pieces and leave the analysis to people who actually watch sports. Alternatively, die in a fire.

Bud Adams as Chet is brilliant. Hilarious thread over at TT.com (complete with some whiny BESF fans chiming in) doing [Random Titan] looks like _________.  My favorite so far is the Collins as Lumbergh. (h/t Eric)

Better 40-time than Buzz Aldrin. My internet connection is slow at work [fucking county government -ed.], so I can’t get a good read at what is going on in this video.  My guess is that NASA wants a bad motherfucker to go to Mars and they are recruiting DeMeco.  It’s either that or something to do with Liberty White Liftoff.  Dunno.

Banner?  I barely even know ‘er! I mentioned it off-hand in my 100K post (go look for yourself if you don’t believe me), but thanks to Liston the Houston Banner offered to let me write a little Texans content. OK, technically, it was “sports content” in general, but I don’t write about basketball and I’m not an Astros fan, so it’s football time in Houston. Or something like that. Here is the Banner’s website, though they don’t have the July articles posted yet. If you want a hard copy (though I can’t imagine why you would), you can pick one up in and around Northwest H-town.

Finally.  Another “Create Your Own Caption” photo:

(bfd edit: A gift from Eric to Lee.  I was at this game!)

Finally, football is almost here!: Eric reminded Matt and I that the list of dates for open training camp is up and at the Texans’ website.  July 26 is just 48 days away! (math h/t VY)

Fluffy analysis: Eh, Pete Prisco doesn’t make me overly nauseous, and here’s his take on the Ephraim Salaam/Duane Brown battle.  I’ve never been one to downplay the role of rookies, but let’s see how Brown actually performs in training camp and the pre-season before anointing him the starter.  I would love to see him start on Opening Day, but if it means sacrificing a procession of QBs - Teh Schaub, Rosy Rosenfels, Alex Brink, Brett Favre, Dan Pastorini, Commander Cody Carlson, and a surprisingly spry George Blanda - then not so much.

Speaking of fluffy analysis and unnecssary foresight: It’s really not a secret that I think Brooke Bentley has quickly become the best “beat reporter” for the Texans (really, the only difference between her and the Comicle is that 1. we *know* she is paid by the Texans, and 2. the whole grammar, style, intelligence thing).  But this new series previewing 2008 matchups?  I dunno.

The latest is a preview against our favoritist rivals, those cute and bubbly Babyeating-Sisterfuckers.  The game is over two months away.  Let’s, you know, wait til we get closer to the season until we actually start writing Week 3 previews.  It’s not like we’re printing a magazine here. (h/t Eric)

Be-Sf analysis?: This is the right way to start.

Finally: Well, just because.

(Oops, wanted to add this: Trent Dilfer retired.  The last of the great Fresno State QBs?)

We could take up a collection.  Apparently, die-hard Cowboys fans (as well as people who don’t fuck sheep) can buy personalized stones for the walkway around the new stadium.  For $150, you get four lines of text on a brick.  I assume they will weed out shit like “TO’s mom sucks cocks in Hell” and “Hey, Romo, why don’t you die in a fire, you fucking twat?!”  So I suggest someone with a little extra cash should purchase “September 8, 2002.  19-10.  Never forget.” (h/t Deadspin)

All your ESPN are belong to Bulluck.  The Titans’ LB is going to do his best Woody Paige and be on the Leader all day long, spreading the gospel of the Titans or some shit like that.  Whatever.  I post this because Keith throws out “Yeah, we are in a smaller market and we don’t get the notoriety as a team that others do.”  Um, Keith, there is no such thing as a “small market” in football, considering there is a hard cap, total revenue sharing, and league-wide TV contracts.  Fuckin’ idiot. (h/t Eric)

Strategery.  The Texans are “working toward less injuries” this year.  Ignoring the grammatical misstep (it’s “fewer,” not “less,” goddamnit), this seems to be a solid idea.  Honestly, I can see nothing wrong with such a plan. (h/t Eric)