DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Forward Thinking.  Rosy Colvin likes his new team and likes the role of situational pass rusher.  Says Colvin, “I would love to be going forward. A lot of the guys up there in New England used to say all the time when I’d drop back in coverage, ‘Keep that guy going forward.’”

Cinco.  SOLIS has a great run-down of Day Five of Training Camp.

OHMYGOD, STOP THE PRESSES AND HOLD EVERYTHING!!!!! Vince Young was inconsistent in practice yesterday.  This is a shocking and wholly unexpected development.  In other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, and I am a jerk.

Programming Note.  I am kind of busy for the rest of the day, so odds are good that I won’t post anything else before this evening at the earliest.  As always, BFD is at the mercy of his job.  And you thought doing gay fetish porn was easy.

Are any of you fuckers exceptionally skilled in Photoshop?   Would you like to work for free?  If so, reply here and/or email me because I have a couple things I want to do that I lack the skills to accomplish.  (Over/under on the number of jokes based on that last sentence: 13.5)

Just wanted to let everyone know that the funky little grey (gray?) arrow beside the commentors’ name in the comments to each post is the reply-to function.  So, no more having to type “@ Asshead” before you write.

As I write this, the ol’ Sitemeter sits at 99,997, meaning that we will roll that thing over the 100K mark at some point in the next hour or two.  I’d been telling myself that I was going to write some big post celebrating that milestone, but doing that kind of post so close in time to my big discussion on blogging in general seems redundant.  (Besides, I know for a fact that the Sitemeter has crashed at least three times for hours at a time, so we should have rolled over the meter some time last week most likely.  Whatever.)

ANYWAY, instead of doing some kind of big, introspective piece, I thought I would take this chance to offer some thanks to random people reasonably related to this blog.  If you are not on this list, it either means that I don’t like you or that I simply forgot.  Or, I suppose, that I have nothing to thank you for, but I still like you.  You figure it out.

Thanks to bfd for being a fantastic co-blogger and a heckuva person in real life.  He and I have become close enough (in a hetero way) from doing this gig that I don’t feel at all weird referring to him as “my friend.”  He also doesn’t complain when I bombard him with text messages, which is nice.

Thanks to Tim for all sorts of stuff.  Jeez…the man has bought muliple rounds of drinks, hooked a brother up with a ticket to the HOU-TEN game last year, let me crash at his house when I made the trip to H-town to pick up the smoker.  Totally above and beyond.  Also, he doesn’t complain about my million text messages, which seems to be a pre-req for being my friend.

Thanks to Liston for hooking me up with an actual paying gig writing about the Texans.  (I’ll have a more detailed mention of this next week.)

Thanks to stacy for being the first reader of this place to ever email me and cheer me on in the early months.  I really think it wouldn’t have become as good as it has (I’ll leave the actual “goodness level” determination to each of you) were it not for his early urgings.

Thanks to Whitney Pastorek for giving me the chance to help with the Deadspin preview last year and for just being awesome when I pester her via email.

Thanks to beef, SOLIS, and Shake for routinely cracking me up in the comments.  Also, SOLIS gets credit for inspiring me to switch from blogspot to a real host in an effort to keep the Man from censoring me.

Thanks to Eric, without whom the morning Kickoff posts would be WAY more labor-intensive.

Thanks to anyone who has ever emailed me to suggest a story, a picture, or a restaurant, or just to comment on something I said or did.

Thanks to my wife for putting up with her football-obsessed husband blogging away while we watch television.  “No, dear, I can’t feed the baby because someone is wrong on the internet!”

Thanks to any of you who I have met in real life for not kicking me in the nuts or setting me up to stumble into a dark alley where Travis Johnson is hiding.  That’s really cool of you.  Also, any of you who have ever bought me a beer are on the shortlist of people I will give money to should I ever win billions of dollars.

Finally, thanks to everyone other than Douchebag Tom who has ever bothered to comment, even if it was just once.  The comments are what keep me doing it, you know.  (Extra thanks to Dave for being lame awesome enough to be the MOST prolific commenter.  I’m sure he has it on his resume.)

How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.

No, not that way.  No, not that way, either, though I am flattered.  Definitely not that way.  I mean, not even for $20 or something.  Maybe for $50, though.

Anyway, Matt and I are going to start working on a full-fledged site redesign, and we want input from you, our dearest readers.  Keep in mind that we already assume you want:

1. More hard core nudity, especially Filipino tranny porn (h/t Lee), and
2. Us to fuck off.

For example, one of the things we’d like to implement is the “Reply to” feature as on Deadspin.  We figure it’ll make it easier for Stacy and Foomey to hurl insults at each other (though can you really get enough anal fisting jokes?  I thought not.).

So, let’s hear you loud and hear you proud:

Dear Matt and bfd, I would like to see __________ to help improve the website.

Your biggest fan,

You

Thank you for your assistance.

HoustonProFootball is back. Well, sorta.  If you are like me, in addition to running blog that will eventually bring shame to the next three generations of your family, you used to rely upon HoustonProFootball.com’s estimated salary cap figures.  When they closed-up shop, as it were, I assumed that we were just hosed when it came to having all those numbers in one place again.  But fear not!  Keith is back with …In The Bullseye.com, and it features the cap numbers as well quality posts about our favorite football team.

“…Mr Smith, Blair Thomas Lite is on line 2…”.  There’s a rumor floating around the internets — OK, it’s floating over from TT.com, with little in the way of attribution, so take it with however much salt you fancy — that Cedric Benson might sign with the Texans. I really, REALLY hope this is all a hoax.  First, I have a slightly-irrational hatred of Benson that I will not apologize for.  Second, though, and more importantly, Benson sucks.  Like, really sucks.  I know the idea of “well, he played with some turds in Chicago,” but that’s the same type of thing Carolina fans were telling themselves when they signed Zoolander Q. Hairdo and we saw how that panned out.  Third, Benson is not a character guy in the least and has a reputation as a lockerroom tumor.  So…yeah…just say “No,” Rick.

Leaders are not born, nor are they made; they are appointed by the internet. Typical offseason fluff article from New Era Scouting about some “no name” guys who are important to their respective teams.  Chris Myers makes an appearance.  Now, I certainly have no beef with the idea that he was acquired for great value OR that he is a very good center, despite measuring poorly.  I do hesitate, however, at the idea that his leadership of the O-line cannot be overstated.  Could we let him, you know, PLAY a game before we crown him King Shit of Fuck Mountain?

So…you’re saying there’s a chance?! If you are not a season-ticket holder and you have any dreams of going to the Monday Night game (or the December Titans game), you have to enter a lottery at HT.com.  Note, they are only drawing for the “chance to buy tickets if any are available,” so I wouldn’t hold your breath.

As you may have noticed, things have been pretty damned quiet in BFD-ville (which, I believe, has nothing to do with Podunk, OK but much to do with Fucking, Austria).

Fact is, things have been extremely stressful for me personally lately.  I’ve tried to write a couple of times, but I’ve had the worst case of writer’s block evar.  And, when you write on a blog with possibly the best in the blogosphere, Matt, if your material looks like shit, it’s gonna stick out like my boner in a porn flick.  Well, there’s that, and the floggings when Matt doesn’t like your work.

If this gives you any idea: I had knee surgery today a couple of weeks after a near hit and run while I was on  bike.  Going the opposite direction, somebody turned left dead-on flush on me.  She missed, but only because I jumped the curb at an angle, forcing me to land pretty damn awkwardly.  Unfortunately, I completely wrenched my knee in the process…the one that’s already had four surgeries on it.  Fortunately, she was classy enough to peel off after this happened, though I did manage to get her license plate (yes, she knows what happened).  So, I get to deal with the local PD on this clusterfuck.  The surgery, at least, went quite well.

When I went in today, and they checked my blood pressure, it was 153/113.  Seriously.

All this on top of normal life, a death in my wife’s family, AND, most stressful of all, a pending death in my family which has created an enormous strain on me.  But, the burden has been mostly on my sister, who officially deserves saint-hood for all she’s done.  The last two months of my life have been an epic contrast on the difference between being alive and living.

I haven’t pooped in over 48 hours.

I do have some points to make, so bear with me a bit longer.

1. Thanks to Matt, who, in reality, is the Internet equivalent of a snuggly teddy bear.  Really.
2. Thanks to a couple of others who venture around these parts, but especially Eric.  Cept when the jerk makes me tear up at work.
3. My sister kicks ass.
4. Carpe diem.  Which, yeah, seems obvious.  But I’m watching yet another person dying of cancer, and I have a hard time releasing that concept.

My point isn’t too solicit “I’m sorry”s or anything like that (really and truly, I don’t want them).  Consider this another adventure in online carthartic moments.  I hope to start posting regularly, both here and at WTP, as soon as possible.

As I’m sure most of you have seen by now, Will Leitch took The Big Lead to task (kinda) in response to this LA Times article about how Buzz Bissinger’s [likely drunken] tirade against Will made bloggers change their tone and become more serious.  Will’s article was well-written, even if (as other’s have pointed out) it’s a little ironic for him to be complaining about blogs changing, given the number of writers, many of them horribly shitty, who have guest slots on Deadspin now.  After all — and I’m paraphrasing a number of comments and blog posts — selling out is selling out, no matter what the impetus, right?

But none of that is why I mentioned this whole thing in the first place.  Honestly, I don’t care about the fallout from Bissingergate at all because I don’t see that it’s had any affect on what we (or other Texans blogs) are doing.  Nor do I care about whether other sports blogs are changing their tune because, honestly, other sports blogs don’t cover the Texans enough to really draw more than a passing interest from me.  (Honestly, unless the material is (a) consistently hilarious or (b) extremely well-written, I might go weeks without reading a given blog.)

No, I bring this whole thing up because of Will’s final sentences in that article.  In a piece of advice to all bloggers, Will opines:

Just take care of your own business, figure out what you do best, pray everyone just stays out of your way and then start ripping shit up. Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

If I were trying to sum up the mindset of DGDB&D in one sentence, that part in bold would come pretty close.  I hope BFD doesn’t mind me speaking for him here, but our goal has always been to entertain first and inform second, and I feel like we do a pretty good job of it.  There aren’t too many blogs, Texans or otherwise, that do in-depth Xs and Os talk sandwiched between fake conversations and jokes about sodomy.  Do we go a little over the top at times?  Definitely.  Is it possible that we are offending some people, including families of some of the people we write about?  Sure.  But so what?  No, seriously — why does that matter at all?  I mean, for Christ’s sake, I have a photo essay about Richard Justice that begins with a rhino having explosive diarrhea.  Do you really think there’s anything here you shouldn’t take with a huge grain of salt?

Now, I realize that, as with anything, tastes vary when it comes to blogs.  For instance, I love half of the KSK writers but can’t stand the other half, I find With Leather nearly unreadable, and I happen to think that Deadspin was best when it was just Will and Rick on a daily basis.  Your opinions may (and likely do) vary, which is totally fine by me.  Which is why I don’t understand people who feel the need to comment or email to tell me that what I’ve done is “offensive” or “rude” or “stupid as shit” or whatever.  You feel that way?  Great, more power to you…but your opinion means less to me than, apparently, mine does to you.  Why waste your e-breath writing something that is just going to get ridiculed or, more likely, ignored?  It’s not like you are going to change anything at all on this site.

I guess my point is that DGDB&D is never going to please everyone.  First, that’s more or less impossible, and, second, that would incredibly boring.  What we try to do is entertain the people who do like the site and just forget about those who don’t.  More accurately, what we try to do is bring something to the Texans blogosphere that you can’t get anywhere else.  To my way of thinking, that should be everyone’s goal.  For example, Battle Red Blog, the gold-standard of being entertaining while being informative, has cornered the market on doing in-depth features, hitting on breaking news first, and creating a comment section that is friendly and often hilarious.

Now, as a blog with a similarly-sized readership base, we could attempt to do the same thing as them or we could find another angle and try to make our site different, which is exactly what we’ve done.  By doing this, to paraphrase SOLIS, we’ve created a place that is like a local bar, where you recognize most everyone, you bullshit with your friends, you revel in the constantly stupidity, and you get into the occasional sports argument.

If we can entertain you while providing the occasional nugget of actual football insight — and if we can accomplish the whole thing through some well-written pieces — then I feel like we’ve succeeded in reaching our goal as a blog.  It may leave some things to be desired and it sure as hell ain’t for everyone, but no one is making you read it.  If you don’t like it, read something else; if you do read it, then realize that this site is the way it is for a reason.

And fuck you if you can’t take a joke.

I realize that the last, oh, week (at least) has been little more than the kickoff posts and that such link dumps smack of laziness. Keeping in mind that BFD and I really are incredibly lazy, I promise that we have some more substantive stuff in the works. It’s just going to have to wait one more day, at least on my end, because I am playing catch-up today.

For now, I offer:

P.S. Totally unrelated, but the blockquote citation in the comments doesn’t make sense. All you have to do is the traditional <blockquote></blockquote>. I don’t know what the hell the “cite=”"” part is about.

How NOT to blog.  From–surprise!–a Baby-eating Sisterfuckers’ fan blog comes a fantastic example of why old media thinks blogs are a ridiculous exercise.  Sweeping generalizations about other teams?  Check.  A pollyanna-esque assumption that all the players on your team will be healthy and uber-productive?  Check.  A conclusion that does not follow logically from anything you have written?  Check.

Know thy enemy.  Petey Faggins turns 29 today, making him the worst 29-year-old CB in the league and opening the door for someone else to claim the title of Worst 28-year-old CB.  Congrats! (He also allows me to link to one of my favorite posts.  Woot!)

Um…what?  Article from RealFootball365, suggesting that we should sign LaMont Jordan because our RB roster is currently Ahman Green, Vonta Leach, Admichinobi Echemandu, and Samkon Gado.  Way to research your premises, guys.  Fo’ real.

That’s about it…not much Texans news floating around the ether today.  Hopefully, I’ll be back with something later today.  No promises, though.

Your balls are shaped funny. As the U.S. Open kicks off today, you might notice one duffer, Bobby Collins, with a Texans logo on his hat and bag.  That’s the kind of thing you do when Bob McNair agrees to sponsor you in the Gateway tour, brining you back from the verge of early retirement.  Hey, maybe he’d like to sponsor a couple ne’er-do-well bloggers…

Winstonsaurus smash puny baseball! Grr! Texans players hit the field at the Juice Box yesterday for the 6th annual charity homerun derby thingy.  Contestants included DeMeco Ryans, Mario Williams, and Captain Tradebait, among others, but the big bat of the night belonged to Eric Winston. Three of Winston’s four homers even reached the upper deck, an area that Darin Erstad and Michael Bourn have only heard legend of.

Slut.  It seems that Shake’s interest in the Texans extends beyond smart-assed comments and witty observations.  Shake: From the defensive side of the ball, what specific improvements do you see in the O-line this offseason? DeMeco: Hey, ain’t you that dude who comments on those dumbass blogs? (One of those quotes might not be accurate.)

80=80.  Chris has been doing a great job of breaking down some of the logistical concerns behind guessing who will make the 80-man roster.  One thing that makes it so tough this year is that the 80-man roster really does mean 80 human beings.  In years past, teams were allowed the use of up to 6 additional players through NFL Europa roster exemptions. Now, of course, Europa is dead, but the league has not increased the 80-man limit.

As Eric mentioned, but I was waiting on the post on the Texans site, Quinn Gray and Jordan “Turnstile” Black are history. As much as I had hoped Rosy Rosenfels would be traded, it certainly ain’t gonna happen now. Also, it makes Gray’s decision to sign with us for the minimum that much more interesting. He’s sure to get picked up quickly.

Michael Strahan says “Adios, peeps,” as he informed the New York Giants he is retiring. A helluva football player who managed to become much better as he aged, he’s probably a first ballot Hall of Famer. Mittens is delighted that Strahan won’t nail him during practice, which is bad news for the rest of us. As a side note, the contest for ugliest NFLer is now re-open.

Will Leitch is quitting Deadspin? May jeebus have mercy on us all.

Finally, what is it about UT athletes doing stupid things lately? Ced Benson was arrested for a DWI here in Austin over the weekend. Remember the name Matt Forte, as he’s the likely starting RB for Da Bears this year. As for Benson? The CFL awaits. (OK, maybe not, but he’s on seriously thin ice with the Bears front office, Roger Goodell, and UT alums like me)

Update: Goodbye, Ced.

Perhaps another new feature?  I don’t know.  But, you know, why not?

Matt and I love music.  If you were there for the draft, you got a taste of many music genres.

So, what are you listening to these days?  Me?

Mogwai - I’ve been digging the hard-rock instrumental sounds lately.

CanOx - Just part of the Aesop Rock phase I can’t seem to shake.

Robert Earl Keen - Sometimes, I have to stick to my Texas roots.

What say you?  What are you listening to?

(The Boston Globe column where I got the Rosy Colvin story is written by Mike Reiss.  Say what you will about the Pats, but his blog is fantastic and is the measuring stick for all newspaper-owned team blogs in my mind.  Anyway, Reiss does a daily thing called “Quick Hits,” where he posts all the random little news blurbs and links to thing of interest to Pats fans.  I am going to start doing the same thing here, simply because I think it’s a great way to (a) put more content out there, (b) get a morning discussion started, and (c) put a little space between the fake conversations and dick jokes.  Now, of course, I am an idiot and am starting this the day before I leave to go to the beach for a week, so it might be a little hit or miss at first, but we’ll hit our stride.  And BFD is welcome to do it in my absence. –Matt)

Dog Days of Summer Come Early:  Ex-Texan Steve Foley was formerly charged with a felony stemming from the March 26 incident in which his pit bulls attacked a woman and killed her puppy.  Foley turned himself in yesterday, but according to the Fort Bend County Jail, he has since been released.

Texas Rose?: Following up on yesterday’s Colvin visit, the linebacker told KRIV (Houston) that he is completely healthy and that “[b]oth parties are interested. We need to work something out.”

Unblockable: Mario Williams is listed as one of ten veteran players who turned heads at OTAs and/or minicamps.  Money quote: “At times this spring, Williams has looked unblockable.”

And I’m not even talking about this.

For a while now, we’ve had to put up with the Comicle’s incessant clamoring over Chris Taylor, which has been, not surprisingly, led by Pancakes himself. After all, he is the King of the ‘Tards.

But, something funny happened on the way to OTAs. Here’s Eric Winston:

Well, I tell you what, there’s a big battle going on there. You can really tell that all those guys really want to play and they all have really good skill. And that’s good, because you want a lot of guys at that position because you never know what can happen. Sometimes, you have four there and everyone stays healthy and a guy doesn’t get to play. Then, when you’re a little thin there, then all of a sudden a rash of injuries hit. So you’ve always got to be prepared, because in our system it’s such a vital point to have a guy that can really go at that part, and with Ahman (Green) looking healthy, Chris Brown coming in and (being) just real familiar with the zone scheme, and you’ve got Steve Slaton just carrying on what he’s done from West Virginia. So I think we’ve got three different kind of backs but, at the same time, three very exciting backs.

What? No mention of Chris Taylor??? Didn’t Winston ask permission from Pancakes to leave him off???

I was just as excited as anyone after Taylor’s performance the last game of the 2006 season. However, it’s 1. not realistic that he was the reason the Texans didn’t take a RB in the 1st round, and 2. he’s not likely in the picture to play a significant role even if he makes the game day roster in the first place.

I’m not saying it’s the best decision. But, as long as Ahman Green is healthy and we are on the hook for his 2008 salary, he’s staying (we have to pay him one way or the other, so it’s almost a why the hell not? kinda thing). Chris Brown looks like he’ll get plenty of carries. Then, what do we do? Drop Slaton? At best, Taylor is #4 on the depth chart, and, even then, he’ll still have to beat Darius Walker for a spot.

That their rampant speculation is so far off base isn’t surprising, and it’s part of the problem of being an insider: the Texans staff simply don’t have to tell the truth to the Comicle writers, and they gain little, if anything, by doing so. As an outsider, there is a certain reliance that the insiders aren’t complete dumbasses and, well, we know how that’s looking. But the Comicle will never have to pay a mea culpa as long as they aren’t held accountable for their poor reporting.

(For the record, if I screw up badly at my job, my company will be in the headlines. I have to deal with accountability every day)

Chris Taylor!? YAY! The savior of the Texans running game? Not so much.

—————–

From the Texans’ All Access celebration:

“First of all, I’d like to thank all you guys for coming out. We’re really excited about this season coming up. All the guys are excited. You know, we finished 8-8 last year. If you are worried about my knee, my knee is doing fine.” - Andre Johnson

Again, I warn of reading too much into this and remind you to ask yourself, “What do you really expect him to say?” It’s good news, but let’s see how he looks in camp and, most importantly, in the pre-season.

———————

One last nugget for the day, courtesy of rotoworld.com:

Jacoby Jones has been running with the Texans’ first-team offense with Andre Johnson (arthroscopic knee surgery) sidelined.

I couldn’t be more thrilled. As exciting as Apostrophe Davis was for us last year, the fact is he’s 29 and coming off his best year since 2002, if not ever. In other words, we have seen his ceiling as a wide receiver. But, damnz, what a badass 4th WR to have (especially if Andre misses time), and what an awesome weapon to have in the return game. I still have my man-crush on Jacoby thanks to TPL from battleredblog.com, and Jacoby was awesomely impressive in the pre-season last year. He just seemed to lose his confidence after being tackled by a punter, getting injured in the process.

As we get closer to the season, Matt and I - with all of you pitching in awesome wisdom - will flesh out our team. I will tell you that I am super-excited about WR heading into 2008.

So, I have been spending some time lately doing some spring cleaning.  As a long-time pack rat, getting rid of my old sports magazines - which date back to 1977 - has been interesting.

Today, I ran across a cover with Tony Rice, RB, ND, on an old Sporting News.

And it got me thinking: who was my most embarassing man-crush?  IOW, who was it that I cheered for relentlessly when they turned out to be a total scrub?

Now, as a grown man, I’m not prone to man-crush-itis, so childhood fave and accomplished wife beater Cesar Cedeno doesn’t count.

Sadly, some of you rooted for Zoolander Jackson like that.  No, I never really did cuz I never thought he was worth a shit and was a horrible pick from the start.

Here’s mine: Michael “Puppy Master” Vick.  Yes, it’s true.  I thought he was all that and a bag of extra crunchy Cheetos where all the Cheetos look like Abraham Lincoln.  I loves athletic QBs in the Randall Cunningham mode, and I thought for sure even *he* would be able to pick up enough of the offensive playbook to destroy opposing defenses.  Alas, he sucked.  Badly.

So, as we hear about Matt’s adventures with beer, who was your embarassing man-crush?

I realize how quiet it’s been around here of late.  That should all change with OTAs kicking off next week.  As for me, I have a BBQ competition this weekend, so I don’t foresee much in the way of posting until Sunday afternoon at the earliest.  But we should be back to full-strength as of Monday morning.  Until then, I suggest all of you look at porn.

This past Saturday, this blog’s first birthday came and went with barely any mention on my part. I am a bad blogparent, I suppose. It’s not that we didn’t realize it was coming; hell, BFD and I tried to come up with some kind of cool promotion/blowout/shameless whoring that would excite all the readers. There was even talk of him table dancing while dressed like Darcy Maeda.Alas, none of it came to pass. We are nothing if not busy. And lazy. Mainly lazy, really.

ANYWAY…I didn’t want to completely miss the chance to say “thanks” to all the readers who have stopped by over the first year. We ended Saturday at just over 85,000 hits–even if you discount the two hits per day I put on that counter (work and home), that is still damn impressive for a little potty-mouthed blog with almost no promotion.

But enough tooting my own horn (which sounds dirty, but isn’t). The point of this post is to thank all of you who read DGDB&D on a daily basis. An extra-special thanks goes out to those of you who have cut-and-paste stuff we’ve written here on other websites and credited us for it and to those of you who email us stories/blurbs/bizarre conversation ideas regularly.

I know I’ve said it before, but allow me to say it again. My biggest thrill from this thing isn’t getting any sort of recognition from national media. I’ll take word of mouth and people who comment regularly over that other stuff any day. You guys are the reason we keep writing and, thankfully, the reason we strive to put out good product any time we post. There is no better editor alive than thirty or forty intelligent commenters who will straight call you out when you are off-base.

Enough of this sappiness. We now return you to your regularly scheduled curse words, already in progress.

Because he is far less lazy than I, BFD beat me to doing a post in the same vein as Orson’s. Still, because I think anything that casts light on bloggers as an informed, educated, non-basement-dwelling entity is a good thing, I am going to copy BFD’s format and answer the questions about myself.

Why the fuck do I blog: The short answer is because when I started this thing, there weren’t nearly as many Texans-centric blogs as their are now, I thought I could add something to the mix, and it gave me something to do while I sat at my desk pretending to work. The longer answer would add: because I like to write, I like to try to entertain people, I have all these bizarre ideas running around my head (see, e.g., anything written about Will Demps), and I enjoy getting feedback from others.

Why do I blog anonymously?: I don’t. It’s Matt Campbell up in this, bitches. In the long run, not maintaining a level of anonymity might bite me in the ass, but I don’t think so. I don’t post anything about my job (other than taking the pictures of some dude’s junk) and I still get all my “real” work done. In the beginning of this blog, I felt like full disclosure would give me more credibility.

Do I live in my mother’s basement?: No. Much like Texas, there are very few basements in Arkansas once you get out of the mountains because it rarely gets cold enough for the ground to freeze. I live in my own house with the wife, two kids, two dogs, and a goldfish that is apparently immortal. I am also fortunate enough–long story–to already own said house outright. Also, my mom doesn’t have a basement.

So, why the fuck is it OK for you to blog?: Because there are a large number of people who want to read about the Texans and, as detailed here and elsewhere, the Houston Chronicle does a horrendously shitty job of providing entertaining and informative discussion regarding the team. Am I the best person for the job? Doubtful. But I am willing to do it, I think I do a pretty good job most days, and I have a co-blogger who was also willing to host the URL. It’s the perfect storm, baby. And the fact that we’ve gotten 84,000+ hits (despite being banned in many fascist workplaces) suggests that maybe we are doing SOMETHING right.

Have you been spayed or neutered?: Nope. I’m still as potent as ever.

Religion/Politics: The only reason I haven’t been real open on these issues is I know how touchy other people can be about your answers. I don’t want to alienate or drive away readers simply because of something that has nothing to do with the blog. I will mention, however, that I was born Catholic, but it didn’t stick all that well and that I have never, ever voted straight ticket in any election. So there.

Edumacation: Business Admin (Accounting) degree because I dicked around and dropped out for a year and that was the quickest way to get done when I went back. JD from Washington University in St. Louis. I honestly have NO idea how I got into a school that good.

Career: Investigator for a local government agency. Freelance writer for two different legal periodicals. Blogger. Soon-to-be BBQ mogul.

Family: Wife and two kids: a son (9) and a daughter (2 mos.)

What do I look like?: I’m 5′7″, chubby, and I look like I am about 18 (I’ll be thirty next month).

Dramatic Ending: I really got nothing here. I started this blog (which, by the way, turns 1 tomorrow) as an outlet and a chance to connect with some Texans fans. It has become bigger than I ever really thought it would. If it continues to grow and we manage to piss off some “establishment” writers along the way, all the better.

Unless you live in a cave on the Internet, or you think newspapers still have a ton of upside, you may have missed this at deadspin.

Look, I know that I’ve gone off on the Jurassic media before. Don’t worry, that’s not my intent here, even though I could easily type 1000 words on the subject.

Yesterday, I saw what one of the best bloggers in the biz, Orson Swindle, had to say. In the spirit of his post, consider this an open thread for questions about me. Yes, it’s ego-centric and arrogant and serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. However, after the Christmas Ape got dooced and this dust-up about the blogosphere and credentials and whatever, I think it’s worth a go - though I can’t exactly go too far.

With apologies to Matt, Steph, and all of you who don’t give a shit, here we go:

Why the fuck do I blog: Because I like to write. I have an undergrad in English from THE University of Texas at Austin. I like to write. I don’t suck at it…too badly. I’d put my body of work against the chron’s any day. I love sports, and I love to talk about sports. Being able to express my opinion is fun. I encourage all opinions at a reasonable level of discourse.

Why do I blog anonymously?: See dooced above. I don’t do this full-time, and I really can’t afford to lose my job. You’ll notice that I don’t talk about my job and I don’t say for whom I work. This is done on purpose. As long as people like Christmas Ape can be fired for no particular reason other than blogging, I am paranoid. Add that I work in a conservative industry, all the more so.

Do I live in my mother’s basement?: No. First, in this part of Texas, there really aren’t any basements. The only known basement is Tim’s mother’s. I live in Austin. In 15 years or less, I will own my house outright. It’s not a big house, but it’s what I like. I live in the middle of the city, but I have awesome views and I can bike to a ton of places.

So, why the fuck is it OK for you to blog?: I never said it was. I blog because I can. I blog because I want to. If blogging is no longer fun - even this post will take an hour to put up - I will quit. Blogging is harder work than it looks. If you don’t believe me, ask Steph of Tim or Hilton. It’s not easy. And when you don’t do it full time, it’s even harder. Still, I love the Texans, and that’s why I’m here (well, that, and Matt’s temporary lack of sanity).

Have you been spayed or neutered?: Why, yes! Yes I have. Thanks for asking. Jerk.

Religion/Politics: I only add this because Orson did, but I am going to skirt the issue a little. Just as I believe all people should be able to express their opinion, they should be able to express their religion. Politically, I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

Edumacation: As mentioned, English undergrad with several minors, and I am working toward my MBA (I’ll go into homework mode right after this post).

Career: Not much to say here, but I have been published in over 100 magazines, newspapers, pamphlets, and websites across our great nation (and SE Asia). Unfortunately, I did all this as a ghost writer, so little of it is to my credit. As a special note to Little Dickie Justice, age 12, and Pancakes McClain: I make more than you both do, so bite me. Oh, while in school, I was the co-host for a sports show for three years. So, yes, I know the power of credentials (and they mean SHIT!).

Family: Wife and two kids: a son of 5 and a daughter at 1 1/2.

What do I look like?: Something about like this:

Dramatic Ending: I’ll end on this note. I hate the traditional media. I don’t watch TV, and when I watch sports, I rarely have the sound on. One of my minors is journalism, and somebody on deadspin.com reminded me of this: as a journalist, you are told you are the gatekeeper of information. Hasn’t this gatekeeper mentality gotten us into enough trouble already? That’s why I blog, and it’s why I read blogs. I’m not saying there’s no place for the traditional media - we need somebody to be the stenographer for coaches and managers and players and politicians - but I strongly believe that the best quality of work is at blogs.

Any questions? I’m ready to move away from these inane discussions, but as long as dinosaurs like Buzz Bissinger stalk the earth, these are slightly necessary. Kinda.

/being arrogant ass