DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

.500

Dec 30, 2007 2007 Season, Awesomeness, Chad Stanley, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Free Agency, Matt Turk rules, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Posts that list too many players, Ron Dayne likes pie, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Secondary issues are primary, Sign Andre Davis now, Stats, Team Records

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your non-losing Houston Texans.  There were a lot of statements made in this game, both good and bad. At the end of the day, however, the fact that we won our eighth game overshadows every single thing I am about to write.

• Dear Texans Fans, You’re welcome. Love, Andre Davis. Seriously…that was amazing. Hell, it was Hester-esque. Between what he offered as a WR when Andre Johnson was out, how well he played on punt coverage (highly underrated), and his contributions as a kick returner, we would be ridiculously stupid not to sign him to a multi-year deal. As an added bonus, signing him means we don’t even have to consider re-signing Jerome Mathis, which is good if only because Mathis might hurt himself signing the contract.
• Dear Matt, How’s that for “not good?” Love, Darius Walker. I apologize for doubting you. No, you might not have the fastest top-end in town and, no, you might not be able to get the corner against a fast defense, but you have fantastic vision and you don’t dance around behind the line. Like I said over in the Game Thread, it seems like Walker hits his top speed–whatever that may be–instantly. So, what he might lack as an open field runner, he more than makes up for between the tackles. Fact: If you take away his 41 yard run, Walker still averaged 5 yards per carry; if you include that run, he averaged 8.6. Nice.
• Dear Petey Faggins, I don’t think your pre-game pointers helped. Love, Von Hutchins. Wow…as surprisingly good as Walker was, that’s how shockingly bad Hutchins looked. It got to the point early on that I half expected Garrard to come to the line, find Hutchins, and start laughing before the snap. Even Tina Turner wasn’t abused like that.
• Dear Von Hutchins, Thanks for the opportunity! Love, Dexter Wynn. Much like how Kubiak pulled Faggins out of the Atlanta game to try and stop the bleeding, Wynn replaced Hutchins for the most part after the second TD that Hutchins coughed up. Dexter looked surprisingly solid, especially when you consider the size he was giving up to the Jacksonville WRs. He wasn’t perfect and you sure wouldn’t want to go into the season with him as your CB2, but he might have gotten a leg up on Hutchins in the “which one will we re-sign” battle (both are unrestricted free agents).
• Dear Sage Rosenfels, About that whole trading-for-you thing…nevermind. Love, NFL GMs with QB Problems. Short of sporting bouffant hair and wearing white gloves, I don’t know that it would be possible for a player to damage his trade value more than Sage has the last two weeks. While he wasn’t atrocious or anything to day, he wasn’t anywhere approaching “good.” Even the TD pass to Daniels was on a poor throw and required a great grab by the big TE. Of course, he later felt the need to hit an opposing DB between the numbers for his weekly INT. He’s still a good backup, but any talk (by me) of getting a third-round or better pick for him or any talk (by others) about a QB controversy needs to be put on hold. Let’s all take a deep breath and move on.
• Dear NFL QBs, Be afraid in 2008. Very afraid. Love, Mario Williams. No, our resident sackmaster didn’t get the one he needed to pass Patrick Kearney, but Jacksonville was clearly concerned with him from the first snap. This was some of the most blatant holding of Mario we’ve seen this year, but the refs seem to have already put him in the category of elite pass rushers that can be held with near-impunity. I don’t think it’s a stretch to expect at least 18 sacks out of Mario next season. Reggie who?
• Dear Richard Smith, How did you manage to make Quinn Gray look like Peyton Manning? Love, Texans Fans. Here’s a thought–and I think we’ve been over this before–but when your secondary is getting worked like Jenna Jameson’s labia and you are letting a backup QB throw for four TDs, maybe you shouldn’t completely abandon the blitz. Because, maybe I am crazy, but it seems like you would have seen over the past month how much better this entire defensive unit is when you are blitzing and you would have used that knowledge against the Jags so they didn’t pick you apart with their gigantic WRs against your patchwork defensive backfield. Just sayin’.
• Dear Rick Smith, Please get rid of Richard Smith before he forces me to climb a clock tower and start shooting student nurses. Love, Matt.
• Dear Rick Smith, I think I deserve more than $1.3MM next season. Love, Ron Dayne. The Trayne ended this game with 88 yards (4.2/carry) and 2 more TDs, giving him a team-high 773 yards (career high) and 6 rushing TDs. He also added career highs in receptions (17) and receiving yards (112). If we can get him back for any combination of bonus and salary under $2MM/year, I think we have to.

Other tidbits

• When he wasn’t busy misidentifying Texans or mispronouncing names, Dick Enberg mentioned that the forty-two points scored today was a new franchise record. This breaks the old record of 34, set against Carolina in week 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an offense.
• If I told you before the season started that Darius Walker would have more rushing yards than Ahman Green and that the two of them combined would have fewer than Ron Dayne, what would you have guessed our record to be?
• Chad Stanley, 2006: 41.6 yards per punt, 36.7 net. Matt Turk, 2007: 41.7 yards per punt, 37.9 net. Yet, despite their similarities, there were only a couple games where Turk worried me, as opposed to sixteen where I was concerned by Stanley. Weird.
• We won despite being outgained by 91 yards and having 3:34 less in time of possession. God bless Andre Davis.
• 8-8. Never has symmetry looked so nice.

Roughly 75 hours until kickoff

Sep 6, 2007 Chad Stanley, Dunta Robinson, Michigan Wolverines, Ohio State makes baby Jesus cry, Please let the season start soon, Preseason 2007, Preview, Secondary issues are primary, Self-Referential Stuff

Contrary to popular belief (hope? expectation?), I did not end it all after Saturday’s Michigan loss. However, with the younger brother in town until 4AM today, I was otherwise occupied with non-blog-related stuff. Shocking, I know.

Stories I missed between Sunday and today:

• TEP was granted a stay of execution and was placed on IR. He’s like herpes… always lurking, ready to flare up, but currently invisible. Eww.
• Dunta Robinson’s house was robbed.
• The practice squad was finalized. Jared Zabransky (QB), Darius Walker (RB), Harry Williams (WR), Brandon Frye (OT), Mike Brisiel (OG), Deljuan Robinson (DT), Tim Bulman (DT), Brandon Mitchell (S), and imported LB Eduardo Castaneda.
• Scott Jackson made the team and then didn’t make the team. He was released when we brought in Carolina-cast-off Rashad Butler. Given that Jackson was doing his best Jimmy Herndon impression in his extended reps, this can only be viewed as a positive.
• Stephanie ran some Q-and-A with me, Tim, and other people whose curse hobby it is to write about the Texans.

And, just like that, we are up to speed. Awesome.

So I says to Mabel, I says…

Aug 30, 2007 Chad Stanley, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Matt Turk rules, Ohio State makes baby Jesus cry, Preseason 2007, Preview, Secondary issues are primary

Three player-related notes on the eve of the 53-man roster.

I wonder if Chad Stanley¹ woke up this morning with a Jack-Bauer-esque countdown clock in his head. Considering it’s 83.2% certain that Stanley will get the axe² at some point between now and Saturday afternoon, it’s kind of fun to picture him racing around town today, trying to save his job. It’s even more fun, however, picturing him getting a pink slip on Saturday morning. Lord knows he deserves it.

Jacoby Jones continues to show that he is a pass-catching, punt-returning, country-music-listening³ super ninja bent on total NFL domination. He ended the preseason with 11 catches for two TDs to go along with his two punt return TDs. Which, of course, means that Kevin Walter is still the second WR. Because, you know, those two catches and two drops he had over the past four games were simply dominant.

I have a love-hate relationship with Brandon Mitchell. On the one hand, he worships at the altar of Woody Hayes and, thus, is a soulless puppy-eating incubus. On the other, though, he’s played well enough this preseason that I would actually feel better about our safety depth if he made the roster. Honestly, I would rather have him on the active roster than Brandon Harrison, whom Mitchell has outplayed in three of the four games.

Final roster decisions made today (trimming from 75 to 53) and most likely announced tomorrow. I’ll have my last set of projections up sometime today. Because I’m sure Kubiak is waiting for my input.

¹ The turd-eating pederast.
² Only figuratively, damn it.
³ Huh?

Texans pass on Pass. Please pass the peas.

Aug 29, 2007 2008 Draft, Chad Stanley, Dan The Assassin, Jon Abbate, Matt Turk rules, Michigan Wolverines, Offensive (punch)Line, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007

The team made two player moves yesterday, one surprising and one not so much. First, despite the fact that (a) he’d played pretty well, (b) Jon Abbate is nursing a bum bodypart, and (c) he’s not Jameel Cook, the team released RB/FB Patrick Pass.

I want to hope that this means Abbate is going to make the team (or, at the least, that we are going to keep a fourth RB) and that we will not have to deal with another year of Cook screwing things up. I suppose we’ll find out soon enough, like right around the same time we find out if Chad Stanley made some sort of deal at the crossroads with Jerry Jones and traded his eternal soul for the chance to punt in Houston in 2007.

The other move–the unsurprising one–was that Charles Spencer was put on the PUP list to start the season, meaning he will have to miss at least the first six games. According to Kubes, however, “it’s still a pretty long shot that he plays this year, but who knows.”

Spencer will (theoretically) be ready for Opening Day 2008, regardless of how this season turns out for him. If doctors determine that he’d be better served by not playing at all in ‘07, I am fine with that. That said, and coupled with the dearth of first round quality secondary talent next April, it would not bother me one bit if our first pick was Jake Long, Michael Oher, or Sam Baker.

The other question-marked positions (starter at SLB, C, and DT; survivor at P) should be sorted out some time between now and the fourth of never at this rate. Answers were supposed to come yesterday, then Friday, and now Saturday. My predictions are still Danny Clark, Steve McKinney, Anthony Maddox (though Travis Johnson has impressed me this preseason), and Matt Turk. Of course, the last one in that list is the only one that really matters, as that’s the only battle where the loser deserves to be shot in the face gets released.

The best part about all of this, though, is that it means we are only 11 days from a game that actually means something.

109. Chad Stanley has more 16-yard punts than anyone ever born with two functioning legs.

Aug 28, 2007 Andre Johnson, Batman, Chad Stanley, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Preview

Random Texans-related fantasy football nuggets from Matthew Berry’s “50 Things You Need to Know,”

4. Last season, Ahman Green had more than 1,400 total yards in 14 games. Last season, the Houston Texans had 13 rushing touchdowns as a team and averaged more than 100 yards rushing per game, both numbers better than those of the Packers last season. And the Texans did it with Samkon Gado, Wali Lundy[,] and Ron Dayne carrying the rock.

12. Only one wide receiver (Houston’s Andre Johnson) had more receptions than Detroit’s Mike Furrey last season.

27. Owen Daniels had the same number of touchdowns (five) as Tony Gonzalez, L.J. Smith[,] and Heath Miller.

51. Jacoby Jones is clearly the greatest athlete to ever even consider touching a football.

Well, I’m sure that would have been next, had the list continued.

What do you call a crime ring in Dallas?

Aug 24, 2007 Chad Stanley, Dunta Robinson, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Jason Babin, Matt Turk rules, Offensive (punch)Line, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario, Teams that aren't the Texans

Zero. That’s the number of times Matt Schaub and Sage Rosenfels have been sacked this preseason.

Now, the optimist looks at that number and says, “I told you the line was improved!”¹ The pessimist, however, counters with “it’s just the preseason–hardly anyone gets sacked much this time of year.”

I suppose both sides have a point.

The realist, however, knows that this week is the true test of our new line.² Because, apparently, the girls from up north are coming to Houston and bringing a passel of blitz packages. Whiny protestations of John Lynch notwithstanding, I think this is a great opportunity for us to see exactly what we have up front and, perhaps even more importantly, to see how The Schaub reacts to pressure, collapsed pockets, and forced hot reads.

So far this preseason, the Cowboys have used their blitzing 3-4 defense³ to notch 3 sacks and 3 forced fumbles, to hold opposing teams to 42 yards per game rushing, and to keep teams under 200 yards passing. If we get through this game without Schaub getting sacked, you will have to like our offensive line going into this season.

On the flip side, the Cowboys’ o-line has allowed Tony “Slipperyhands” Romo to be sacked twice in 29 attempts, while completing just over 72% of his passes. If our front four can get pressure against this line, and maybe knock Romo on his butt two or three times my fears will be somewhat allayed. (Also, with Weaver looking less and less likely to start the season, one has to imagine that this game is an open audition for Kalu and Babin to figure out who will be starting on the left side against Kansas City.)

Things to watch for this week:

• Babin v. Kalu, part III
• Mario. Of course. Just so you are up to speed when McClain, et al, resume bashing him on Monday.
• CBs other than Dunta. Petey was torched last week and was most at fault for Edge’s TD. Fletcher has looked pretty good. Which, of course, means that Petey is still the starter. Huh?
• Our running game. For all the talk about how the running game has been solid enough to make play action mean something (and this is true), the “solid enough” has not translated to much actual real estate on the field. Now, they face an extremely stingy run D. Good Times!
• Kevin v. Jacoby. 2 against 2a. Though, if we looked just at performance thus far, this one shouldn’t even be a question.
• Turk finally, mercifully issues the coup de grace to Chad Stanley’s career in Battle Red. Somewhere, Tim smiles.
• Jordan Black. Just how bad can he be?! Tune in to find out.

¹ Or, if that optimist is also a grudge-holding type, “I told you David Carr was the cause of a whole lot of those sacks!” Then he makes some random joke about Carr and a vagina… you get the picture.
² Christ, that was a contrived way to start a post. I apologize.
³ Shake brings up a good question–what’s the point of the 3-4 if Ware just lines up as a DE on every play? Also, how long is Jerry Jones’ tail?

Quid Pro Quo. Act Like Ya Know.

Aug 19, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, Chad Stanley, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Legal stuff, Self-Referential Stuff

This should be the final entry in the DGDB&D / DeMeco Ryans saga. You might recall the last entry, where the attorney told me that DeMeco was going to make a donation to StandUp For Kids and send an autographed football to my son.

Well, a few days ago, I received word from the attorney that the football had been mailed, that BOTH DeMeco’s Foundation and the law firm were going to make donations to the charity, and that SUFK would actually be the initial charity donated to by DeMeco’s Foundation.

Then, yesterday, I received a package from Alabama to find not just a single football for Gabe, but two footballs along with other autographed memorabilia. Once again, the people involved had gone above and beyond.

So, it is with this last fact in mind that I have decided to go ahead and shorten the name of the blog (at least as it’s used here) to DGDB&D. They have not asked me to do this since the initial emails, nor has there even been any hinting about doing it in exchange for the gifts. Quite the contrary, actually–it seems like everyone involved is more than happy with the compromise we reached. So why the change?

First, just out of a feeling of good will towards DeMeco, his attorney, and the classy manner in which the whole thing has been handled. Second, I think shortening the name will allow me to be a little less PC, especially in describing people like Chad Stanely or Petey Faggins, without wondering if I am putting DeMeco in an awkward situation with his teammates. (I might be being paranoid with that one, but whatever.) Third, and most importantly by far, it’s my little way of saying “thank you” to them for making donations that will help many homeless and at-risk children in the Houston area.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. The name of the blog is still and will always be “Da Good, Da Bad, and DeMeco.” I like that name a lot and don’t plan on pretending like the acronym does not stand for the original name. If you have already linked to it in that manner, please leave it that way. I will still refer to it both as the full name as well as the acronym. I am simply taking the name off the top of the page. Otherwise, nothing has changed. Well, other than a slight restoration of my faith in humanity.

I put the other two entries about this story below, just so I have all of them in one place.

**********

Update 1, Thursday, August 9, 2007

When last we left our hero (me), the disclaimer had been moved into a more prominent position, DeMeco and his attorney were happy, and it seemed as though the whole situation had wrapped up all nice and tidy.

Last night, however, the founder of StandUp For Kids, Rick Koca, found the post and commented on it. (Which is pretty cool.) Then, this morning, I received another email from the lawyer, saying that DeMeco’s Foundation is going to make a donation to SUFK, that he thanked me for bringing the charity to their attention, and that DeMeco was going to send an autographed football to my son. (All of which is also pretty cool.)

I still think there is a big underlying issue here and it’s likely one that won’t go away until one of these “blogger v. celebrity” cases winds up in court. Thankfully, all sides involved in my situation remained calm and worked through the discussion like rational human beings. (Full disclosure: I have to thank my friends for keeping my replies friendly and level-headed. I am nothing if not prone to flying off the handle.)

************

Original Entry, Wednesday, August 8, 2007

If you glance to your right, you will notice that the disclaimer once buried near the bottom of the right hand column has been moved up. “Why is that,” you are likely thinking. And the answer would be “because I am a nice guy.”

Hold on. Let me back up a few days and fill you in. Because, you see, there have been some rather strange and unexpected goings on in the land of DGDB&D over the past three days.

Sunday morning, I plopped down on the couch to map out my fantasy football draft strategy and check email. Which is to say, it was shaping up to be a pretty typical Sunday.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I opened Gmail to find a letter from DeMeco Ryans’ lawyer. According to Mr. Lawyer, my use of DeMeco’s first name in the title of this blog presented some possible legal and marketing problems for DeMeco. Lawyer then said they would “greatly appreciate” it if I would remove the name.

I was puzzled. Granted, I didn’t pay much attention in law school–OK, I didn’t pay ANY attention in law school–but I was pretty confident that I was doing nothing wrong. I replied to the barrister, thanking him for a very polite email (his approach was much better than a boilerplate cease-and-desist letter) and asking him to explain what the problem was. I also mentioned that, while I was pretty sure I wasn’t doing anything other than exercising some free speech, I was totally willing to work with him and his client (including changing the name) if we could reach some sort of mutually beneficial agreement.

The law-talkin’ guy replied, still in a pretty gracious manner. He said that owners of intellectual property have a right to police “the marketplace” in order to prevent loss of income or marketing viability resulting from unauthorized use, that DeMeco’s marketing agreements require him to be pro-active in making sure people aren’t illegally using him or his image, and that my use could potentially expose DeMeco to lawsuits through no fault of his own. (I had also asked in my previous email if DeMeco was aware of the site and the attorney assured me that he was. Which means DeMeco might be reading this. Email me, dude.)

Anyway, there are some nuggets of truth to what he was saying. In a vacuum, at least. As they applied to my situation, however, this explanation fell a little short. So, another email from me to him. I asked him to point to me where anyone has intellectual property rights in his or her first name, especially as that would apply to a non-commercial blog. (The non-commercial aspect is the key to this whole exchange, really.) Also, because he had mentioned in his previous email that DeMeco was cognizant of the importance of fans and free speech, I suggested that asking a fan to abridge his free speech rights seemed contradictory.

The attorney again replied. He “explained” that DeMeco has common law and statutory rights in his name and substantial rights of publicity. He also said that, insofar as free speech goes, they have no issue whatsoever with me (or anyone) discussing DeMeco’s play in the blog; they were merely concerned that his name in the title of the blog could lead someone to think Ryans supported everything that was said here. (Author’s note: I want to meet someone that clueless. That’s how millionaires are made.)

And that’s where it sat as of Monday night. I read back over his previous email. I had to give him points for aggressively representing his client; he was hyper-vigilant. Still, the legal analysis was not quite right because this is (and always has been) a non-commercial site. And–without getting into boring legal crap–he couldn’t claim assumption because, again, I was not making any money off of his name. In short–there was pretty much no way they could force me to change. Still, I was willing to work with them, if only because I didn’t like the idea of having DeMeco or the Texans organization mad at me.

But how to respond to the lawyer? He had mentioned throughout the exchange that he and his client were amenable to reaching a compromise that would leave all of us happy. I guess he thought I would ask for some tickets or something. I don’t know. Instead, I decided that, if I was going to give up something that I didn’t have to, I wanted someone who really needed help to benefit from it. So, I replied with an offer.

I proposed the following exchange: I would shorten the name of the blog to the acronym “DGDB&D” in the header, the page title, and by email to anyone who links here. In return, DeMeco would make a donation to the Houston Chapter of Stand Up For Kids. (They get homeless and at-risk children off the street.) Also, if DeMeco was interested, I’d like to do a phone interview. I figured this charitable donation was in keeping with the whole Ahman Green-Jason Simmons thing and would be good press for the team and DeMeco (and, yes, me). Conversely, I offered to move the disclaimer up on the page so that it was more prominent, but stipulated that I would be keeping the name if I did that.

Lawyerman replied the next day (yesterday) and told me he would run it by his client.

Today, I get an email at 7:14 CST. They had chosen the latter option and would be placated if I moved the disclaimer up. So long as I kept it non-commercial. He also said that they would suggest the charity to DeMeco’s foundation at some point in the future. Which brings us to where we are right now.

This whole thing was somewhat interesting, not only from a legal standpoint, but also from a blogger/free speech/new media point of view. Part of me thinks this was just a good attorney doing what he thought was best for his client. I mean, I had a new hit from where his office was located about ten minutes before the first email, so I kind of assume he took it upon himself to run with the ball. And there is no harm in that. Hell, I would want my representative to do the same. (I also respected how cordial he was through the whole thing and his stick-to-it-itiveness throughout the legal back-and-forth.)

Another part of me, however, wonders if this is the tip of the iceberg. As sites like Kissing Suzy Kolber and Ghosts of Wayne Fontes and Fire Joe Morgan grow in popularity, once has to believe that the sites’ namesakes are aware of their existence. To the extent that any of it results in negative feedback or positive income, I would imagine that the parties named will slowly start to intervene. And, in the realm of the All Powerful NFL, I assume the “aggrieved” parties will have Goodell and Co. behind them more often than not. It will then be up to the courts to decide where free speech and fair use end, if at all.

For now, however, this blog lives. Free speech rules.

Texans v.2.0… not exactly bug free

Aug 11, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Chad Stanley, Chocodiles, DeMeco Ryans, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Jason Babin, Jon Abbate, Matt Turk rules, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007, The Fred

Ugh. That sucked.

I know, I know… it’s only the preseason and it’s only one game. And I know there were plenty of bright spots. For instance:

• Jacoby Jones. Wow. WOW. As a return man and as a WR, Jacoby lived up to the hype. If not for Ricky Manning’s penalty-inducing contact, JJ would have had a sweet TD to cap off his great night. If he isn’t our WR2 on opening day 2008, something will have gone very wrong.
• DeMeco Ryans. He was only in for limited action, but Ryans had his nose in the middle of everything. I saw NOTHING that would suggest a decline this year or any kind of sophomore slump. This guy is for real.
• Sage Rosenfels. Sure, he’s the backup, but he moved the ball well and spread it around. As a security blanket goes, we could do a lot worse. His line–16/26, 138 yds, TD–was all you could have asked.
• Jerome Mathis. He’s back. At least, it looks like it. He flashed that serious straight-line speed that made him a Pro Bowler not too long ago.
• Jason Babin. I would have bet you $50 that he wouldn’t be on this list. I would have lost. Babin flashed great chasing speed coming from the backside and an ability to shed blocks and make the play from the frontside. He played like (gulp) a first-round draft pick.
• Jon Abbate. They didn’t mention on the radio, so I have no idea if people held up five fingers at the start of the 4th quarter. What they did mention was that Jon was blocking extremely well and he even caught a pass. Man, I hope this guy makes the team.
• Zac Diles. I really expect this guy to make an impact on special teams this year. Nice intensity, nice motor. He also played well as a true LB near the end of the game.
• Matt Turk. One booming punt (58 on the fly) and one nice pin-point punt in the fourth (downed at the 11).
• ND Kalu. If Weaver isn’t ready to go in week 1, I am suddenly feeling a lot better about the prospect of Kalu filling in for him. Maybe work Babin into the strongside rotation, too. I’m breathing a little easier.
• Kick returners. Mathis, Bethel Johnson, and Andre Davis all looked good running back KOs. That said, if Mathis is indeed healthy, there is hardly a need to keep one of those other two, let alone both.

Still, in the end, we walked away with a big fat L. Which is what happens when you crap the bed. In the middle of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, we had such craptacular performances as:

• Jordan Black. He played positively awful, which would explain why the Chiefs fans called him “Turnstile.” I know I said David Carr caused a lot of his own sacks, but putting Jordan Black at LT will make the beating Sandy took look like he was wearing a red jersey in practice.
• Sam Gado looked like he had tunnel vision and cement shoes. This is not really what I am hoping for from our RB3.
• Bradlee Van Pelt looked like a third string QB–for a Special Olympic team. 1/7, a fumble that led to a TD, and a strange fascination with throwing to Joel Dreessen, which worked exactly zero times.
• Jamar Fletcher played passably decent as a nickel but got beat in standard coverage and Fred Bennett got completely lit up on the drive that ended with Ayanbadejo’s TD.
• Chad effin’ Stanley managed a whopping 35 yards on his vital 4th quarter punt, because he likes to make me throw things around the den. He also lucked out with a great roll on his first punt, making it look better in the box score than it actually was. Surely to god, this type of performance will get him his release sooner rather than later. I hate him.
• Earl Cochran had the bonehead running into the kicker penalty that kept Chicago alive with two minutes left, leading to their game winning FG. Nice one.
• Ron Dayne. I’m not sure how our short-yardage back can run three straight times for more or less zero gain. That was ugly. You know… Ron… you are a big (fat) dude. Maybe you could, like, lower your shoulders and actually deliver a hit. Just a thought.

This is not setting well. With 10 minutes to go, I was almost positive we had the game won. With 5 minutes to go, I was still optimistic. It all seems… um… familiar. And I don’t like that feeling.

OK. Breathe. I’m keeping myself positive. This was a fluke. It was all the fault of Van Pelt (or Stanley). The Colts have lost 10 of their last 11 preseason games. Etc.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have nine beers to drink in rapid succession. NFL Football is back, baby.

UPDATE: I should mention that these notes were the product of the radio broadcast, NFL Gamecenter, and the live blog at BRB. Which is to say they are subject to revision once I watch the recorded replay tomorrow morning. Also, I still hate Chad Stanley.

Kickin’ it in Houston

Aug 4, 2007 Chad Stanley, Matt Turk rules, Preview, Special Teams, Training camp 2007

For fans of most teams, a training camp punter battle would be slightly less interesting than Special Olympic tic-tac-toe. (And way less interesting than a cripple fight.)

Most teams, however, haven’t been privy to the Chad Stanley Experience.¹

How bad is Chad Stanley? Well, a Google search for “Chad Stanley sucks” turns up the following quotes:

Their current punter Chad Stanley is awful. Gardocki awful. Worse really, if looked at more than just last year. (Author’s note: This is from a Steelers fan.)

Chad Stanley? Yikes. This guy was brutal last year. My guess is he isn’t the only punter on the roster come training camp. They are probably (no, hopefully) searching for his replacement already.

This sucks. I’m sorry, Chad Stanley is now a terrible NFL punter. Hopefully this is something we can address with a late-round pick.

Chad Stanley laid an egg.

Even accepting that disgruntled fans are not the most unbiased observers, these quotes coupled with Stanley ranking 29th in Gross Average Yards and 21st in Net suggest that Captain Shank might not be the best man for the job.

Enter Matt Turk. The same Matt Turk who ranked 18th in Gross and 9th in Net last year in St. Louis. Yeah, you could say I’m excited.

Dale Robertson sums up just what Matt Turk could bring to our table.

The Friday morning workout was for special teams only and the punt team became the primary focus of the session. Veteran punter Matt Turk, brought in to compete with original Texan Chad Stanley, dazzled the attending media with a series of crushing punts, a couple of which looked like they were going to bust through the Methodist bubble top.

Rookie Jacoby Jones tried to field one and wound up shaking his hand in pain.

“He’s a boomer,” special teams coach Joe Marciano said. But he didn’t want to start a controversy, quickly pointing out that Turk and Stanley are very different types of punters and should be judged differently. “Chad doesn’t have any 70-yarders in him,” Marciano conceded, “but he’s been very effective in the 40- to 50-yard range, with hang times of 4.5 to 4.8 (seconds). One of those guys will be punting here this year and other one will be punting for some other team. They’ll both be in the league, I guarantee you that.”

Turk missed the 2005 season with an injury but then became “a gym rat,” Marciano said, and now could pass for a linebacker, he’s so muscular. Asked if he’d ever seen a punter rip into the football like Turk does, Marciano replied, “Yeah, last year, when we played St. Louis (in the preseason).”

Turk was the Rams’ punter.

Compare and contrast that with this TexansTV video of Stanley and Turk going head-to-head. Maybe I am just being overly optimistic, but quotes like “we thought it was important to push Chad” and “Matt is a power guy…explodes into the ball” seem to bode well for a Stanley-less future.

Thanks for the memories, Chad. We’ll keep in touch. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, dude.

¹For the uninitiated, watching Stanley has been roughly as painful as a root canal. Performed rectally.