DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

On the strong side

Nov 7, 2008 Bad Idea Jeans, Chaun, Chocodiles, Fire Richard Smith, Football 101, President Lyndon Veins Johnson, Rendhel and Sid, The X Factor

Since Zac Diles kicked his own ass and will miss the rest of the season, there has been some speculation as to who will play SLB as well as who should play SLB.  Oddly enough, however, the one name that keeps popping up is Xavier Adibi.  I say “oddly” because it seems that no one has stopped to think what a horrifically bad idea this would be.

First, some background on the strongside LB position.  (Feel free to skip)

In a traditional 4-3¹, the strongside linebacker is going to be your biggest, strongest linebacker.  This makes a ton of sense if you think about it, as he is almost always going to have to fight through a TE or FB block to make a tackle on a D-gap running play.  On most plays, however, he is going to jam the TE, and then either pick up TE coverage or maintain containment depending on the D called.  When he does stick his nose in to tackle a running back, he’s generally going to have to deal with more offensive lineman than the weakside LB because the line will flow to the strong side. If he is doing his job perfectly, he’ll force everything back to the inside (meaning that a perfect SLB, unless he’s playing behind a really bad D-line, is only going to notch 50 or 70 tackles a year).

Look at those reponsibilities again.  The standard 4-3 SLB has to be big and strong enough to jam the TE, fight through TE/FB/OT blocks, maintain secondary edge contain (i.e. not get locked up and moved out of the way), and quickly tackle the TE when in coverage.

[Another quick aside:  In Richard Smith's "scheme," the SLB doesn't usually have any edge contain responsibilities and is freed up to make some more tackles than a normal SLB would.  This is partly by design---because Smith is a moron---and partly because our defensive line isn't exactly the Steel Curtain. But I digress.]

Because of all this, the prototypical SLB is someone like Carlos Emmons or Marcus Washington (both of whom are getting up in years now).  Emmons is 6-5/255ish.  Washington is 6-3/245ish.  Both are large and strong, almost like an undersized DE.  Even Zac Diles, who was short for the SLB job at 6-0, weighed 240 lbs.

Xavier Adibi is 6-2/224.²

TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FOUR POUNDS.

Picture for just a moment what would happen if you put a 224 lb man at SLB.  Let’s see—blown up by TEs with regularity?  Check.  Unable to get a good jam at the line?  Check.  Owned on the edge by FBs and OTs?  Check and check.  Unable to fight through the blockers and tackle the running back in the backfield?  Check.  Even worse, can you imagine the strain this puts on Mario (as the best run defender on the line) and DeMeco (for having to clean up Adibi’s mess)?  You actually manage to make run defense HARDER for a team that has a crap run defense to begin with.  BAD IDEA.

In fact, of all the non-DeMeco LBs on the team, I’d go so far as to say Xavier Adibi (along with Kevis Coley) is the WORST IDEA anyone could consider for SLB.  Look:

Chaun Thompson: 6-2/245
Kevin Bentley: 6-0/240
Morlon Greenwood: 6-0/240
Kevis Coley: 6-1/225

My vote?  Chaun Thompson.  He’s got the size.  He’s got the speed and strength, as evidenced by the show he put on at the Combine a few years back.  He’s got the speed.  Given our limited options, he’d be absolutely perfect for the role.³ Which is precisely why Richard Smith won’t put him there.

Let’s just hope that he doesn’t put Adibi there, either.

¹ Though not always in Richard Smith’s ‘tarded version of the same.
² I don’t buy the 232 that ESPN listed him as. Dude was 220ish all through college and was 224 at the combine. He’s a 220-lber.
³ At least until we draft Brian Orakpo.

The Problem With Richard Smith, Or, Perhaps More Accurately, Referendum On Coaching Incompetence

Sep 30, 2008 2008 Season, Chocodiles, Curious Coaching, DeMeco Ryans, Hi Steve!, Kevin Bentley, Morlon Greenwood, Ranting, Super Mario

Let me just start by saying that, by and large, I agree with Tim and Chris’s points on the game.  There were lots of positives (for the offense) and lots of negative (for the defense and special teams).  In fact, this was one of those games that I didn’t really feel the need to write a recap of, since the goods and the bads were so glaringly obvious.

But, still, my job (as it were) here is to talk about the Houston Texans (as well as make inappropriate remarks about the team and people associated with it).  So rather than do a traditional recap, let’s hit some big picture points.

First, if I were the GM of this team, Richard Smith would not be receiving paychecks from me.  And I don’t just mean going forward, as he should have and would have been fired a long time ago.  After all, the problems are manifold and obvious–no cohesive philosophy, no idea how to use his assets, no clue how or when to blitz, no attempt to adjust when another team is going the Tecmo Bowl route and burning you with the same exact play over and over and over and over, and nothing to suggest that his charges are this close to turning the corner and becoming markedly better.  We’ve spent numerous first- and second-round draft picks on defense, especially the front seven, yet we remain incapable of getting to the QB before the ball is thrown or creating turnovers or (on many days) even tackling with any regularity.  That’s ALL on Richard Smith.

Despite cries for his head after last year, Smith got a free pass to come back for another 16 games because (a) Mario became dominant in 2007 and (b) there were so many injuries that it somehow seemed unfair (to everyone but me, I guess) to fire him when he was shorthanded.  Unfortunately, last year’s MASH unit was actually better, at least to the naked eye, than this year’s healthy squad has been.  If Smith were any kind of DC, doing better this year than last should have been the easiest assignment of his tenure.  Instead, everyone except Mario (yes, even DeMeco) seems to have stagnated or regressed in 2008.

Sunday’s game was a snapshot of the entire Richard Smith experience—players out of position, inexplicable defensive calls in tight situations, defensive backs who looked lost and exposed.  Even worse, one got the feeling that absolutely none of those problems was going to go away until Smith himself went away.  So, while I have railed against Smith in this space for over a year, I feel like it’s time to turn it up a bit.  In that vein, “FIRE RICHARD SMITH” is now the official motto of DGDB&D 2008.  I realize that I have no pull and a relatively limited audience, but I figure saying it a lot and trying to get others to spread the message absolutely cannot hurt our cause.  Say it loud, say it often, and say it to anyone who will listen.

Moving on…

As bad as Smith’s squad was Sunday, Joe Marciano’s was even worse.  And I’m not just talking about their inability to recognize that a team cannot punt when there is no punter lined up behind the center, though that was certainly the most egregious example.  But, yeah, it was worse than that.  All day long, our returners made horrible decisions and/or did nothing while our coverage teams allowed Jacksonville’s return men to get huge chunks of yardage on seemingly every kick.  In fact, thus far in 2008, on Kevin Bentley has really been a consistent contributor on special teams.

Like Richard Smith, Marciano probably should have been gone a while ago.  However, because he’s been blessed to have some very, very good return men, as well as the occasional solid cover guy, he’s been able to keep his job.  Nevermind that, as a Texans fan, you have reached a point where you just expect the other team to be starting somewhere past their own 25 on every single possession.  Hopefully, for my own sanity as well as the future success of your Houston Texans, Sunday’s game was the beginning of the end of the Marciano era.  If not, here’s to hoping that Kevin Bentley becomes the next Eugene Seale.

Thirdly, can someone please tell me what the heck is going on between Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson?  Because I honestly cannot come up with any sort of answer that makes sense.  Some have suggested that maybe Andre’s injury has changed his route running or made him slower, but it seems like the passes to Schaub are behind Andre rather than out in front.  Others have suggested that they are just not clicking because they didn’t get to play together very much in the second half of last season, but they had never played together before last season and they started the year firing on all cylinders.  Like I said…I don’t get it.

What I DO get, however, is that our offense on Sunday was on fire and looked like the team from early 2007 that was putting up points fast and often.  And that’s without Andre being involved even half as much as you would have assumed.  If/when he and Matt get back on the same page, the Texans should be able to score against just about anyone.  Judging by the success Denver had (prior to the KC game), a high-powered offense combined with a non-tackling defense can still win you more than it loses you, at least until playoff time rolls around.  Maybe, for now, we need to approach the game like those old Colts and Rams teams did—we are going to put up 35 or more most weeks and assume that even our sub-par defense can stop you a couple of times.  Scoreboard, holmes.

Finally, a couple quick thoughts on some players:

Steve Slaton is your running back for the foreseeable future.  That TD pass he caught was the product of a route that no previous Texans RB could have done.  In the modern, pass-happy NFL, having a back who can split out wide and blow by a corner is a luxury and it’s one that we now possess.  This is very, very happy news.

Morlon Greenwood, what has happened to you?  Consider this my official mea culpa: I was wrong on Morlon in 2008 and it’s time to replace him with…

Kevin Bentley.  Gotta love what you’ve seen from LVJ so far.  He’s playing fantastic on special teams, he’s one of the few guys on the team who has shown a willingness to hit, wrap up, and tackle, and he even looked solid playing in place of DeMeco for a few snaps Sunday.  So, I ask ya, is there any reason not to assume that he would be an upgrade over Greenwood or Zac “I’m Way Too Small To Play SLB” Diles?  I think not.

Dear Jacques Reeves, TURN AROUND AND FIND THE BALL EVERY NOW AND THEN.  Signed, Anyone With Two Ounces Of Common Sense.

Last, but certainly not least, a kudos to the entire offense line (but, especially, Duane Brown) on Sunday.  Nicely done, gentlemen.  I see that you’ve realized that keeping Matt upright makes you look good and makes the whole team better.  Let’s continue that approach against the Colts in what is certain to be an absolutely rocking Reliant Stadium this week.

Cracklin’ Rosy

Jun 4, 2008 2008 Season, Chaun, Chocodiles, Colvin, Kevin Bentley, President Lyndon Veins Johnson, Super Bowl 2011, Super Mario

Well, that was certainly interesting.  And surprisingly informative, really.  But, back to what really matters.  According to the Boston Globe,

Former Patriots outside linebacker Rosevelt Colvin, now a free agent, is scheduled to visit the Houston Texans today.

I know we have a solid starter at WLB and three guys vying for the title of starting SLB, but I like this move.  I like it a lot, actually.  Colvin is definitely on the downward slope of his career, but he would bring the kind of veteran leadership (and winning experience) that a young LB corps can always benefit from, as well as being a mentor for Zac Diles as Diles transitions to the outside.

The short article also mentions that Colvin previously met with the Colts.  If we can get him on the cheap, I think you’ve got to make this move.  Worst case scenario, you cut him loose if he can’t hack it.  Best case, though, he gives you a solid backup to Diles (sorry, Kevin) and makes it so Chaun Thompson is more expendable and more able to be used as a pass-rushing DE opposite Mario.  Win-win, baby!

Bring out yer dead!

Aug 31, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, Chocodiles, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Please let the season start soon, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007, Preview, Roster, The Fred, The Schaub Experiment

Well… I wasn’t quite as on-the-money as I thought (hoped?) I would be. Kubes announced the dearly departed in today’s press conference. They are:

(# denotes practice squad possibility, ! denotes turd-eating pederasts who no longer wear Battle Red)
Chad Stanley!
Bethel Johnson
Keenan McCardell
Wali Lundy
Jared Zabransky #
Darius Walker #
John Walker #
Tyrone Poole
Dexter McCleon
Jon Abbate #
Drew Hodgdon
Alfred Malone
Matt Brisiel
Brandon Frye #
David Anderson
Victor Degrate #
Brandon Mitchell #
Trent Bray
Deljaun Robinson #
Tim Bulman

Which leaves us with the following roster:
QB: Matt Schaub, Sage Rosenfels
RB: Ahman Green, Ron Dayne, Sam Gado, Vonta Leach, Jameel Cook (boo.)
WR: Andre Johnson, Jacoby Jones, Kevin Walter, Andre Davis, Jerome Mathis,
TE: Owen Daniels, Jeb Putzier, Mark Bruener, Joel Dreessen
OL: Eric Winston, Fred Weary, Jordan Black, Scott Jackson, Chester Pitts, Kasey Studdard, Steve McKinney, Mike Flanagan, Chris White, Ephraim Salaam

DL: Mario Williams, Travis Johnson, , ND Kalu, Amobi Okoye, Anthony Maddox, Jason Babin, Earl Cochran, Anthony Weaver, Jeff Zgonina, Cedric Killings
LB: DeMeco Ryans, Danny Clark, Morlon Greenwood, Charlie Anderson, Shantee Orr, Shawn Barber, Zac Diles
CB: Dunta Robinson, Petey Faggins, Jamar Fletcher, Dexter Wynn, Fred Bennett
S: Jason Simmons, Von Hutchins, Brandon Harrison, C.C. Brown

P: Matt Turk
K: Kris Brown
LS: Brian Pittman

Unless my counting is off, that’s 55, so there are still two more cuts to come. (Eduardo Castaneda does not have to be cut–he will be put on the practice squad automatically and doesn’t count against the number of players we can put on the squad.) I imagine one cut will be either Dreessen or Pittman, as I can’t see carrying two longsnappers, and I am guessing Chris White or Scott Jackson will get the boot.

It blows my mind that McCardell didn’t make this team, but it blows it in a nice, call-you-the-next-day sort of way. When was the last time we could honestly say we had a deep WR corps?

Projected Roster as of 8/31/07

Aug 31, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, Chocodiles, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007, Preview, The Fred

And like that, the preseason is over. Thank goodness. While I thoroughly enjoyed seeing Schaub exorcise some demons and watching Jacoby Jones be absolutely amazing, the preseason still reminds me of that girl in high school that would make out with you at a party, but never went any further. She thought she was playing hard to get, but she was really just annoying you and leaving you unfulfilled. That’s the preseason in a nutshell. ESPECIALLY game 4, when most teams play “this is what it would look like if all our starters died.” Blech.

Anyway. Moving on. Like last week, * denotes a player is a lock to make the team. All numbers are based upon last year’s opening day roster.

QB (2)- Matt Schaub*, Sage Rosenfels* (Jared Zabransky should make the practice squad, as shown by his performance last night. Practice, dude.) Changes since last week: None.

RB/FB (5)- Ahman Green*, Ron Dayne*, Vonta Leach*, Sam Gado*, Wali Lundy. (That’s right–I think we will carry five RBs and only one true FB. If push came to shove, I’m sure Captain Pie and/or Samkon could play the role of blocking back. Lundy looked good (relatively speaking) last night. That coupled with Jon Abbate’s injury likely puts him on the practice squad. Patrick Pass just misses the cut. Darius Walker continues to not be good. Jameel Cook not invited back after last season’s debacles.) Changes since last week: Wali and Abbate switching places.

WR (5)- Andre Johnson*, Jacoby Jones*, Kevin Walter*, Jerome Mathis*, Andre Davis. (Charlie Adams is the sixth WR if we really keep six like Kubiak is saying. [Ed: Nevermind.] (What a difference a week makes. Last time I did this, I wrote “Keenan McCardell looks to be getting every benefit of every doubt in order to keep him on this team.” However, after seeing Bethel Johnson get every chance in the world to make this team, I think he’s the sixth man if such a creature exists. David Anderson reminded me that he is, in fact, still on the roster.) Changes since last week: Bethel above McCardell on the list.

OL (9)- Eric Winston*, Chester Pitts*, Fred Weary*, Ephraim Salaam*, Mike Flanagan*, Steve McKinney*, Kasey Studdard, Drew Hodgdon, Jordan Black. (Just missing the cut: Scott Jackson, Kevin Barry, and Brandon Frye. I have pretty much already decided that Black is the player I like least on this team, but I’m guessing he’ll still be around come Sunday morning. Chris White and Mike Brisiel won’t.) Changes since last week: NONE.

TE (4)- Owen Daniels*, Jeb Putzier*, and Mark Bruener*. (Yes, I realize that Joel Dreessen is on the roster, and, yes, I realize that he is a TE and long snapper… but I have been laboring under the impression that he had zero chance from day one. I stick to that.) Changes since last week: NONE

K (1)- Kris Brown*. Changes since last week: Impossible.

P (1)- Matt Turk. (Dear Chad Stanley. Please leave. Sincerely, all of us.) Changes since last week: NONE.

DL (9)- Mario Williams*, Amobi Okoye*, Anthony Weaver*, Anthony Maddox*, Jason Babin*, ND Kalu*, Travis Johnson*, Jeff Zgonina, and Earl Cochran. (Just missing the cut: Cedric Killings. Also not making the roster, though by a wider margin, DelJuan Robinson, Victor DeGrate, Alfred Malone, and Tim Bulman. Christ, this is a logjam. Cochran and Killings looked decent last night. I moved Orr back to the LB list just for the sake of simplicity. ) Changes since last week:

LB (6)- DeMeco Ryans*, Morlon Greenwood*, Charlie Anderson*, Shawn Barber*, Danny Clark*, Shantee Orr. (Practice squad: Zac Diles. Getting cut: Trent Bray.) Changes since last week: Orr back on this list, with Diles to the practice squad. I think he’s a great kid and he will probably find a way back onto this roster, but Orr’s ability to play pass-rushing DE and pass-rushing LB keeps him on the roster.

CB (6)- Dunta Robinson*, Demarcus Faggins*, Fred Bennett*, Jamar Fletcher*, Von Hutchins, Dexter McCleon and Tyrone Poole. (Not making the cut: Dexter Wynn and Roc Alexander.) Changes since last week: Wynn and McCleon changed places.

S (4)- C.C. Brown*, Jason Simmons*, Brandon Mitchell, Brandon Harrison (John Walker gets cut. In my perfect world, Von Hutchins is spending more time at safety. Gary Kubiak does not seem to agree with this plan, so I’m guessing it’s Walker who misses out.) Changes since last week: Mitchell up.

Long Snapper (1)- Bryan Pittman*. (I just want to mention one last time that Zgonina can long snap, which would allow us to carry 6 CBs and 5 Safeties.) Changes since last week: NONE.

Projected Roster as of 8/27/07

Aug 27, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, Chocodiles, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Ohio State makes baby Jesus cry, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007, Preview, Teams that aren't the Texans, The Fred

Another week, another demonstration by Jacoby Jones as to why he should be the starting WR2. Which, of course, means that he’s not. That’s life, I guess. Like last week, * denotes a player is a lock to make the team. All numbers are based upon last year’s opening day roster.

QB (2)- Matt Schaub*, Sage Rosenfels* (Jared Zabransky should make the practice squad.) Changes since last week: Quinton Porter and Bradlee Van Pelt were cut. So, far, I am 2/2.

RB/FB (5)- Ahman Green*, Ron Dayne*, Vonta Leach*, Sam Gado*, Jon Abbate, (Wali Lundy and Patrick Pass just miss the cut. Darius Walker continues to not be good. Jameel Cook not invited back after last season’s debacles.) Changes since last week: Gado bumped up to lock status. Abbate is hanging on by a thread and I could see Pass or Cook (NO!) supplanting him.

WR (5)- Andre Johnson*, Jacoby Jones*, Kevin Walter*, Jerome Mathis, Andre Davis. (Charlie Adams is the sixth WR if we really keep six like Kubiak is saying. [Ed: Nevermind.] Keenan McCardell looks to be getting every benefit of every doubt in order to keep him on this team. Bethel Johnson was given a temporary stay of execution, as poor Charlie Adams was killed instead. David Anderson reminded me that he is, in fact, still on the roster.) Changes since last week: Adams and Harry Williams were cut. I am 3/4.

OL (9)- Eric Winston*, Chester Pitts*, Fred Weary*, Ephraim Salaam*, Mike Flanagan*, Steve McKinney*, Kasey Studdard, Drew Hodgdon, Jordan Black. (Just missing the cut: Scott Jackson, Kevin Barry, and Brandon Frye. There is still no indication that Kubiak is as unhappy with Turnstile Black as fans are, so I am guessing that he’ll be around come the end of the preseason. Chris White and Mike Brisiel get sent packing.) Changes since last week: NONE.

TE (4)- Owen Daniels*, Jeb Putzier*, and Mark Bruener*. (I think this is why we’ll be carrying 6 WRs, which is good news for Charlie Adams someone other than Charlie Adams.) Changes since last week: NONE

K (1)- Kris Brown*. Changes since last week: Impossible.

P (1)- Matt Turk. (Chad Stanley is gone. Praise Jesus.) Changes since last week: NONE, technically, but Kubiak’s statement that they “could have” made a decision yesterday but decided not to suggests to me that Stanley is 99% out the door. I mean, I see no way that they could have decided “you know… I am really sick of getting good punts and winning the field position battle. Turk’s gone!”

DL (9)- Mario Williams*, Amobi Okoye*, Anthony Weaver*, Anthony Maddox*, Jason Babin*, ND Kalu*, Travis Johnson*, Jeff Zgonina, and Shantee Orr. (Just missing the cut: Earl Cochran and Victor DeGrate. Also not making the roster, though by a wider margin, DelJuan Robinson, Cedric Killings, Alfred Malone, and Tim Bulman.) Changes since last week: Thomas Johnson released, a week after I had moved him UP on this thing. I am 3/5. Orr was moved from LB to RDE and seemed to play extremely well.

LB (6)- DeMeco Ryans*, Morlon Greenwood*, Charlie Anderson*, Shawn Barber*, Danny Clark*, Zac Diles. (Getting cut: Trent Bray. Theoretically, Orr might make the team as an LB who just plays DE, kind of like DeMarcus Ware, with Diles going to the practice squad, which would allow for Earl Cochran to make the team as a DL.) Changes since last week: NONE (though it looks and sounds like Clark is back to being the bona fide starter at SLB).

CB (6)- Dunta Robinson*, Demarcus Faggins*, Fred Bennett*, Jamar Fletcher*, Von Hutchins, Dexter Wynn and Tyrone Poole. (Not making the cut: Dexter McCleon and Roc Alexander. The last four guys on this list were more or less invisible Saturday, so I am not sure if there was any real shake-up here.) Changes since last week: I moved Hutchins back to CB because I think there was some movement at safety.

S (4)- C.C. Brown*, Jason Simmons*, Brandon Harrison, Brandon Mitchell (John Walker gets cut. I moved Hutchins back to CB, as I think Mitchell strong showing Saturday has him back on the good list. Also, there is a possibility that we will carry only 5 WRs/3 TEs so that we can use the extra roster spot for a 5th safety along with our 6 CBs.) Changes since last week: Mitchell up, Hutchins moved.

Long Snapper (1)- Bryan Pittman*. (I just want to mention AGAIN that Zgonina can long snap, which would allow us to carry 6 CBs and 5 Safeties?) Changes since last week: NONE.

Projected Roster as of 8/20/07

Aug 20, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, Chocodiles, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Preseason 2007, Preview, Secondary issues are primary, Shawn Barber and Danny Clark, Super Mario, The Fred, The Schaub Experiment

Another game, another round of roster shuffling. There weren’t too many changes this time around, if only because our defense has the most question marks, but no one really stood out. Click here for last week’s entry. (* denotes lock to make the team; all projections are based on the number of players we took at each position last year.)

QB (2)- Matt Schaub*, Sage Rosenfels* (Jared Zabransky on the practice squad. Bradlee Van Pelt and Quinton Porter cut.) Changes since last week: NONE.

RB/FB (5)- Ahman Green*, Ron Dayne*, Vonta Leach*, Jon Abbate, Sam Gado (Wali Lundy and Patrick Pass just miss the cut. Darius Walker continues to not be good. Jameel Cook not invited back after last season’s debacles.) Changes since last week: Gado supplants Lundy in the last slot because Kubiak is strangely enamored with Samkon. Pass snuck up to “just misses the cut” status, based mainly on special teams work.

WR (5)- Andre Johnson*, Jacoby Jones*, Kevin Walter*, Jerome Mathis, Andre Davis. (Charlie Adams is the sixth WR if we really keep six like Kubiak is saying. Keenan McCardell is on the verge of having no shot. Bethel Johnson is already there. Harry Williams is like one of those uncles you never see–you know he’s alive, but you have no proof.) Changes since last week: Adams up to #6, McCardell less likely to make the team without a big showing over these next two games.

OL (9)- Eric Winston*, Chester Pitts*, Fred Weary*, Ephraim Salaam*, Mike Flanagan*, Steve McKinney*, Kasey Studdard, Drew Hodgdon, Jordan Black. (Just missing the cut: Scott Jackson, Kevin Barry, and Brandon Frye. There is still no indication that Kubiak is as unhappy with Turnstile Black as fans are, so I am guessing that he’ll be around come the end of the preseason. Chris White and Mike Brisiel get sent packing.) Changes since last week: Hodgdon moved up, due mainly to a biceps tear to Kevin Barry.

TE (4)- Owen Daniels*, Jeb Putzier*, and Mark Bruener*. (I think this is why we’ll be carrying 6 WRs, which is good news for Charlie Adams.) Changes since last week: NONE

K (1)- Kris Brown*. Changes since last week: Impossible.

P (1)- Matt Turk. (Chad Stanley is gone. Praise Jesus.) Changes since last week: NONE, though I would be putting a * by Turk’s name if we’d gotten a nice 18 yard wobbler out of the Turd Eating Pederast.

DL (9)- Mario Williams*, Amobi Okoye*, Anthony Weaver*, Anthony Maddox*, Jason Babin*, ND Kalu*, Travis Johnson, Jeff Zgonina, and Thomas Johnson. (Just missing the cut: Earl Cochran and Victor DeGrate. Also not making the roster, though by a wider margin, DelJuan Robinson, Cedric Killings, Alfred Malone, and Tim Bulman.) Changes since last week: Johnson onto the roster, DeGrate moved up, Malone moved down.

LB (6)- DeMeco Ryans*, Morlon Greenwood*, Charlie Anderson*, Shawn Barber*, Danny Clark*, Zac Diles. (Just missing the cut: Shantee Orr. Also getting cut: Trent Bray.) Changes since last week: NONE (though Anderson is now co-starter at SLB with Clark).

CB (6)- Dunta Robinson*, Demarcus Faggins*, Fred Bennett*, Jamar Fletcher*, Dexter Wynn and Tyrone Poole. (Not making the cut: Dexter McCleon and Roc Alexander. These last two positions are up in the air as much as any two can be.) Changes since last week: Wynn up, Poole added, McCleon downgraded.

S (4)- C.C. Brown*, Von Hutchins*, Jason Simmons*, Brandon Harrison. (Brandon Mitchell and John Walker are left out if we only keep 4 safeties. However, given the flux at that position right now, I would not be surprised if we kept 5 CBs and 5 Safeties, in which case Mitchell would get in. This would actually be preferable in my mind, if only because Hutchins really gives you a sixth CB if need be, anyway.) Changes since last week: NONE.

Long Snapper (1)- Bryan Pittman*. (I just want to mention AGAIN that Zgonina can long snap, which would allow us to carry 6 CBs and 5 Safeties?) Changes since last week: NONE.

Projected Roster as of 8/14/07

Aug 14, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, Chocodiles, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Mark Bruener, Offensive (punch)Line, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007, Preview, Super Mario, The Fred, The Schaub Experiment

One thing that is becoming clear under Kubiak is that the roster is a very dynamic thing through training camp. A guy can be a starter one day and on the verge of not making the team the next week, all based on performance–either a lack of his own performance or an increase in the level of play by his competitors. You need look no further than Shantee Orr for an example of this. So, keeping that in mind, I thought it would be interesting to track the perceived 53-man roster as we go through these preseason games. Yes, I am that bored right now.

Anyway, using the same numbers as we took last year into week 1, who would be on the roster if the season started today? (* denotes the player is a lock to make the team)

QB (2)- Matt Schaub*, Sage Rosenfels* (Jared Zabransky on the practice squad. Bradlee Van Pelt mercifully taken out behind the barn and shot. Quinton Porter cut.)

RB/FB (5)- Ahman Green*, Ron Dayne*, Vonta Leach*, Jon Abbate, Wali Lundy (Sam Gado just misses the cut. Darius Walker continues to not be good. Patrick Pass is a poor man’s Chris Taylor, so he’s gone. Jameel Cook not invited back after last season’s debacles.)

WR (5)- Andre Johnson*, Jacoby Jones*, Kevin Walter*, Jerome Mathis, Andre Davis. (The last two positions here are some of the most up-in-the-air spots on the roster. If Mathis stays healthy through camp and keeps playing like he did Saturday, I think that spot is his to lose. The last slot will be between Davis and Keenan McCardell most likely, though I suppose Charlie Adams could make some noise before it’s all said and done. David Anderson is too small and Bethel Johnson is superfluous if Davis/Mathis are healthy. Much like the Rodents of Unusual Size, I’m pretty sure Harry Williams doesn’t actually exist.)

OL (9)- Eric Winston*, Chester Pitts*, Fred Weary*, Ephraim Salaam*, Mike Flanagan*, Steve McKinney*, Kasey Studdard, Kevin Barry, Jordan Black. (Just missing the cut: Scott Jackson, Drew Hodgdon and Brandon Frye. Which sucks, because it means that Turnstile just made the cut. After Saturday night’s performance, though, I can see him being on a pretty short leash at this point, so maybe we still get lucky and Black gets the boot. Chris White and Mike Brisiel get sent packing.)

TE (4)- Owen Daniels*, Jeb Putzier*, and Mark Bruener*. (I really don’t think they’ll carry four this year, though, which means they can carry an extra person somewhere else. If they go with one more at WR, that gets McCardell in for sure. I, for one, am excited about some two TE packages with Daniels and the Jebster.)

K (1)- Kris Brown*.

P (1)- Matt Turk. (Chad Stanley is gone. Praise Jesus.)

DL (9)- Mario Williams*, Amobi Okoye*, Anthony Weaver*, Anthony Maddox*, Jason Babin*, ND Kalu*, Travis Johnson, Jeff Zgonina, and Earl Cochran. (I think Babin nailed down his roster spot with that showing on Saturday. In reality, Zgonina is probably a lock, if only because I can’t see anyone on the roster who is suddenly going to unseat him, but we’ll leave him as working for the job for now. Cochran was doing a lot to solidify his spot before he got flagged for the penalty that lost the damned game. Thomas Johnson and Alfred Malone could surprise some people and make this roster, but I don’t think DelJuan Robinson, Cedric Killings, Tim Bulman, or Victor DeGrate can. Also, rumors that Tim Bulman is the “Tim” behind BRB are likely false.)

LB (6)- DeMeco Ryans*, Morlon Greenwood*, Charlie Anderson*, Shawn Barber*, Danny Clark, Zac Diles. (Shantee Orr is odd-manned out here, as Clark brings MLB/SLB versatility and Diles is shaping up to be a special teams beast. I’m a pro-Shantee guy, but I like the six guys ahead of him as a unit. Trent Bray also will not make the team, which is not even surprising to his wife and mother.)

CB (6)- Dunta Robinson*, Demarcus Faggins*, Fred Bennett*, Jamar Fletcher*, Roc Alexander, Dexter McCleon. (With Von Hutchins moving to safety, Dexter Wynn is left out of this sextet.)

S (4)- C.C. Brown*, Von Hutchins*, Jason Simmons*, Brandon Harrison. (Brandon Mitchell and John Walker are left out if we only keep 4 safeties. However, given the flux at that position right now, I would not be surprised if we kept 5 CBs and 5 Safeties, in which case Mitchell would get in. This would actually be preferable in my mind, if only because Hutchins really gives you a sixth CB if need be, anyway.)

Long Snapper (1)- Bryan Pittman*. (Why the hell can’t we find a guy who can long snap and play a real position? I think I heard mention that Zgonina was a LS, though, so maybe he does some dual duty and we can carry 6 CBs and 5 Safeties?)

Texans v.2.0… not exactly bug free

Aug 11, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Chad Stanley, Chocodiles, DeMeco Ryans, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Jason Babin, Jon Abbate, Matt Turk rules, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007, The Fred

Ugh. That sucked.

I know, I know… it’s only the preseason and it’s only one game. And I know there were plenty of bright spots. For instance:

• Jacoby Jones. Wow. WOW. As a return man and as a WR, Jacoby lived up to the hype. If not for Ricky Manning’s penalty-inducing contact, JJ would have had a sweet TD to cap off his great night. If he isn’t our WR2 on opening day 2008, something will have gone very wrong.
• DeMeco Ryans. He was only in for limited action, but Ryans had his nose in the middle of everything. I saw NOTHING that would suggest a decline this year or any kind of sophomore slump. This guy is for real.
• Sage Rosenfels. Sure, he’s the backup, but he moved the ball well and spread it around. As a security blanket goes, we could do a lot worse. His line–16/26, 138 yds, TD–was all you could have asked.
• Jerome Mathis. He’s back. At least, it looks like it. He flashed that serious straight-line speed that made him a Pro Bowler not too long ago.
• Jason Babin. I would have bet you $50 that he wouldn’t be on this list. I would have lost. Babin flashed great chasing speed coming from the backside and an ability to shed blocks and make the play from the frontside. He played like (gulp) a first-round draft pick.
• Jon Abbate. They didn’t mention on the radio, so I have no idea if people held up five fingers at the start of the 4th quarter. What they did mention was that Jon was blocking extremely well and he even caught a pass. Man, I hope this guy makes the team.
• Zac Diles. I really expect this guy to make an impact on special teams this year. Nice intensity, nice motor. He also played well as a true LB near the end of the game.
• Matt Turk. One booming punt (58 on the fly) and one nice pin-point punt in the fourth (downed at the 11).
• ND Kalu. If Weaver isn’t ready to go in week 1, I am suddenly feeling a lot better about the prospect of Kalu filling in for him. Maybe work Babin into the strongside rotation, too. I’m breathing a little easier.
• Kick returners. Mathis, Bethel Johnson, and Andre Davis all looked good running back KOs. That said, if Mathis is indeed healthy, there is hardly a need to keep one of those other two, let alone both.

Still, in the end, we walked away with a big fat L. Which is what happens when you crap the bed. In the middle of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, we had such craptacular performances as:

• Jordan Black. He played positively awful, which would explain why the Chiefs fans called him “Turnstile.” I know I said David Carr caused a lot of his own sacks, but putting Jordan Black at LT will make the beating Sandy took look like he was wearing a red jersey in practice.
• Sam Gado looked like he had tunnel vision and cement shoes. This is not really what I am hoping for from our RB3.
• Bradlee Van Pelt looked like a third string QB–for a Special Olympic team. 1/7, a fumble that led to a TD, and a strange fascination with throwing to Joel Dreessen, which worked exactly zero times.
• Jamar Fletcher played passably decent as a nickel but got beat in standard coverage and Fred Bennett got completely lit up on the drive that ended with Ayanbadejo’s TD.
• Chad effin’ Stanley managed a whopping 35 yards on his vital 4th quarter punt, because he likes to make me throw things around the den. He also lucked out with a great roll on his first punt, making it look better in the box score than it actually was. Surely to god, this type of performance will get him his release sooner rather than later. I hate him.
• Earl Cochran had the bonehead running into the kicker penalty that kept Chicago alive with two minutes left, leading to their game winning FG. Nice one.
• Ron Dayne. I’m not sure how our short-yardage back can run three straight times for more or less zero gain. That was ugly. You know… Ron… you are a big (fat) dude. Maybe you could, like, lower your shoulders and actually deliver a hit. Just a thought.

This is not setting well. With 10 minutes to go, I was almost positive we had the game won. With 5 minutes to go, I was still optimistic. It all seems… um… familiar. And I don’t like that feeling.

OK. Breathe. I’m keeping myself positive. This was a fluke. It was all the fault of Van Pelt (or Stanley). The Colts have lost 10 of their last 11 preseason games. Etc.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have nine beers to drink in rapid succession. NFL Football is back, baby.

UPDATE: I should mention that these notes were the product of the radio broadcast, NFL Gamecenter, and the live blog at BRB. Which is to say they are subject to revision once I watch the recorded replay tomorrow morning. Also, I still hate Chad Stanley.

Sashay, Shantee

Aug 4, 2007 Andre Johnson, Athletes who don't stab people, Chocodiles, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Michigan Wolverines, Posts that list too many players, Shantee Orr, Shawn Barber and Danny Clark

Going into camp, two pretty wide-spread assumpion were that Jerome Mathis would wind up being cut and Shantee Orr would compete with Charlie Anderson for the starting SLB role.

Oh, how things can change in a week.

First of all, it appears that Mathis is healthy and playing well at WR. (Plus, he’s still really friggin’ fast.)

It’s the best football practice he’s had since I’ve been here, Kubiak said of Mathis. There was a little buzz tonight, some people out here. You can tell his juices are flowing, and if he keeps this up and stays on the field, he’s going to have a special year. We’ve just got to keep him going. He hasn’t worked much at receiver, but he’s progressing. That was nice to see the things he did tonight.”

Then, today, we get this nugget from camp:

WR Jerome Mathis continued his fine play, with several catches, including a leaping one that covered 40 yards.

So… where does that leave us? At first blush, this development would seem to be the worst case scenario for Bethel Johnson. There is absolutely no reason to keep Mathis Lite on the team if the full-calorie version is healthy and productive. If we assume Mathis makes the team, that’s four spots filled (along with AJ, JJ, and K-Dub). I see no way we keep more than six WRs, meaning Apostrophe Davis, Keenan McCardell, David Anderson, the aforementioned Bethel, and a couple scrubs will be duking it out for two spots.

On the other side of the ball as well as the other side of the keep-drop ledger, Shantee Orr has apparently gone from being a starter in 2006 to being unemployed in 2007. Chalk it up to some combination of Orr’s nagging injury, Kubes’ affection for Charlie Anderson, Danny Clark’s versatility, Shawn Barber’s experience, and the emergence of Zac “Choco” Diles, but Shantee seems almost certain not to survive the first real round of cuts.

Linebacker Charlie Anderson hasn’t recorded a start in his three-year career with the Texans. But if his production in training camp is indicative of the future, that statistic may need to be revised, according to Kubiak.

“When I look at the defensive side of the ball, I think Charlie Anderson’s really separated himself,” Kubiak said. “When you look at the linebacker group, you look at Morlon (Greenwood), you look at DeMeco (Ryans), and you look at Charlie. Then right away you go to Zac Diles, and you go to Danny Clark. Shawn (Barber) is missing time, but Shawn looked good. You look at those six, and chances are you’re going to keep six. Those guys have kind of distinguished themselves day in and day out.”

One notable omission from that list is last year’s starting outside linebacker Shantee Orr. Orr has been slowed by injuries this camp, and the fifth-year pro out of Michigan will need to return quickly in order to compete for his roster spot, let alone his old job, Kubiak said.

“He got bruised, some type of bruise the first day of practice, and just continues to not be able to be out here,” Kubiak said. “It’s very important for him to get out here for him to make this football team.”

I fully admit to being a pro-Shantee guy. Hell, I’ve posted at least twice that I thought he would be the starter and would have a pretty good season. That said, I am far from broken up about this; if the linebacking corps is so solid this year that we can cut one of last year’s starters, that is a good thing.

With the first pick in the 2029 NFL Draft…

Jul 20, 2007 2007 Draft, Chocodiles, Non-Texan stuff, Self-Referential Stuff, The Fred, Training camp 2007

Some random Friday Texans nuggets while I let it sink in that my wife is pregnant.

• The Texans have inked draft picks Zac Diles and Fred Bennett. With rookies scheduled to report to camp on Sunday, expect a flurry of deals in the next 48 hours.
• Texas.com has a breakdown of the three TEs. Nothing overly newsworthy in there, except that it appears all three are healthy and ready to contribute to the team in slightly different ways.
• Single game tickets are now on sale. The Titans game and the Saints game reportedly sold out in minutes. I have no idea why…
• Not so much “breaking news” as just really cool and helpful, USA Today has a searchable NFL salary database.
• Finally, I just wanted to mention that I will be in Houston around 6PM next Friday. Somewhere in between the three practices (note: if any of those three are canceled, someone dies), I’d like to meet up with readers/fellow bloggers/non-serial killers and have a beer or thirty. An Astros game is also doable if anyone is interested.

Zach Diles wishes he played a different position

Jul 1, 2007 2007 Draft, Chocodiles, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Preview, Secondary issues are primary, Shawn Barber and Danny Clark, The Fred

With 25 days until the opening of Training Camp, it’s time to get up to speed on position battles and the players involved. Up first, the defense.

Position: SLB
Incumbent: Shantee Orr
Players involved: Orr, Charlie Anderson
Analysis: I already did some of this position here. Long story short, the better candidate for this job depends greatly on the role Kubiak sees for the SLB. If he wants to blitz from that side, in order to free Weaver/Okoye (and draw attention from Mario), Orr is the answer–he played that style in the old 3-4. If, however, Kubes sees more of an all-around LB role, with TE pass coverage and whatnot, Anderson might be the way to go (better height and slightly faster).
Prediction: Orr named “starter,” but Anderson will get plenty of second/third down reps.

Position: WLB
Incumbent: Morlon Greenwood
Players involved: Greenwood, Shawn Barber, Danny Clark
Analysis: All three of those guys have at least seven years of NFL experience, so we aren’t exactly talking about a long-term solution here. Even more strange, you have three dudes here who are incredibly similar. All are roughly the same height and weight and all have posted multiple 100-tackle seasons. The biggest differences lie with Barber, as he is far better in pass coverage than the other two, but also has a lot of trouble staying healthy. Given the choice, I would probably go with Clark because he is a little younger than Barber and a little better than Greenwood, but I don’t know that any decision here will make or break much of anything.
Prediction: Greenwood keeps his job, at least to open the season. (Note: If one of these three gets cut, my guess is it will be Barber, as Clark can also play MLB if needed.)

Position: CB2
Incumbent: Demarcus Faggins
Players involved: Faggins, Fred Bennett, Jamar Fletcher, Dexter Wynn
Analysis: So, the official word is that this position is Petey’s to lose–something he is completely capable of doing. Bennett, the rookie out of South Carolina, looked good in OTAs. He picked up the defense quickly and seemed to be taking in everything the coaches taught. The knock was that he still needed to improve his ball skills, but you could say the same thing about Faggins and Wynn. Neither Wynn nor new addition Fletcher have never really shown anything that would suggest they could be a starting NFL CB, so this competition is really just about Faggins and Bennett.
Prediction: Faggins continues to butcher the CB2 position.

Positon: FS
Incumbent: C.C. Brown
Players involved: Brown, Dexter McCleon, Von Hutchins
Analysis: Newsflash–Granted, I spend most of my words on the secondary complaining about Petey, but Brown was no great shakes last season. Because of this, the Texans did not receive much in the way of big plays from their safeties last year. As a possible remedy, veterans McCleon and Hutchins have been taking reps at free safety through the offseason. Now, if the goal for the free safety in this defense (and the reason for moving two CBs to FS) is to create turnovers via the interception, then my vote goes to McCleon. (As an aside, I have no idea why Hutchins would give anyone the impression that he can play a ball-hawking centerfield type of safety.)
Prediction: McCleon.

Position: SS
Incumbent: Glenn Earl
Players involved: Earl, Brown, Brandon Harrison
Analysis: If Brown is supplanted at FS, he will likely get the chance to compete at his natural position of SS. Rookie Brandon Harrison will also be in the mix there as well. The odd thing about Harrison is his size–he’s 6′1″/227 and will likely fill out at this level, meaning he might be better served playing nickel LB. (There are also rumors that he is afraid of making big hits, which isn’t exactly what I want out of my SS.) As for Earl and Brown, flip a coin.
Prediction: Earl keeps his starting gig.

Position: Nickel CB
Incumbent: McCleon
Players involved: Bennett, Fletcher, Hutchins
Analysis: Such is the state of our secondary that a guy who was not even the primary nickel CB at the beginning of last season is in a position to be our starting free safety this year. Also, in a nice twist of irony, our starting CB2 is not good at the position he gets to play, but might be our best nickel CB. Crud. The team brought in Fletcher to play this kind of role, and I am sure he will get some opportunities, but I think a strong showing by Bennett in his competition with Faggins might land him this gig as a consolation prize.
Prediction: Bennett

Amobi Okoye is 19

May 3, 2007 2007 Draft, Amobi Okoye is 19, Athletes who don't stab people, Chocodiles, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Mel Kiper's Hair, Suckfactor, Super Mario, The Fred, Tremendous Busts

Yeah, yeah. I’m a few days behind the curve on the draft recap. I know this. You know this. Let’s just leave it at that.

Anyway, bouncing around the internets, it seems people are not overly thrilled with the Texans’ draft. See, e.g., here, here, and here. [Author's note: Screw you, Paul Zimmerman.] Then again, other than the Browns (and, I suppose, the Pats, if you want to count Randy Moss as part of their draft), no one really wowed me. That said, I liked Houston’s draft for one simple reason: They addressed needs with every pick. While this is not a novel concept, it is certainly one that is lost on many, many NFL heads.

On to the picks.

• Round 1, pick 10. Amobi Okoye. I admit it–I love this pick. I went into this draft wanting Okoye only slightly less than Joe Thomas. And, we weren’t ever in a position to get Thomas. (Hey, did you hear that Amobi is 19? I wonder why the networks didn’t mention that a little more.) Okoye (in addition to being 19), is 6′2″/285 (or 300, depending on who is reporting) and, more importantly, should immediately be our best interior lineman. Given that Mario Williams faced double-teams pretty much every down, Okoye should be a welcome sight along the front four. He will also free up DeMeco Ryans even more, which, you know, is good. Plus, he’s 19. Not sure if that got mentioned.
• Round 2, no picks (due to the Matt Schaub trade). I still like the trade. Of course, when next year rolls around, Schaub better have played well enough to make me not unhappy about the lack of ANOTHER second round pick.
• Round 3, pick 73. Jacoby Jones. My first thought was “who?” My second thought was “where the hell is Lane College?” (Jackson, TN.) Jones is the “reason” some people are knocking the Texans’ draft, saying that the team reached to take him this high. Hell, maybe they did. Then again, this is a team that needed a #2 receiver, since the Slug Formerly Known As Eric Moulds has been released. In Jones, they got a 6′4″, 210 lb wideout, with good speed (4.5 at pro day, on grass). The kid is athletic as hell (ran track and played basketball in college) and is apparently a workout warrior. Said Jones about his workout habits following an impressive pro day showing: “I will train twice a day, every day. I will train from 9AM to 11AM, break for lunch, then get back at it for another two hours.” I’ll take that.
• Round 4, pick 123. Fred Bennett. Two things were apparently brought to Gary Kubiak’s attention before the draft. First, due to his continuing inability to bend the space-time continuum, Dunta Robinson can only cover one receiver at a time. Second, Demarcus Faggins and Dexter McCleon and Von Hutchins combine for a Suckfactor* score of roughly 9–a number that Jamar Fletcher is unlikely to bring down. While the big knock on Bennett is that he doesn’t play the run particularly well (and, perhaps, that his tackling form is not great), Fred is big, physical, and has good closing speed.
• Round 5, pick 144. Brandon Harrison. This is the one pick that I am not overly optimistic about. This team really needs a good safety (no offense to CC Brown or Glenn Earl). Harrison, however, is likely to go the way of Cato June and become a linebacker at the next level; he’s 6′1″, 227, and has room to add another 10 pounds or so to his frame. Also, from what I’ve read, he seems to be afraid of making a big hit, which is never good. He might wind up being the best nickel linebacker in the league, but that still doesn’t address the team’s needs the way a true ball-hawking safety would have.
• Round 5, pick 163. Brandon Frye. The other Round 5 Brandon is, apparently, a mutant. 6′4″, 302, with a 690 lb squat and a 445 lb bench press to go along with a 4.79 40. He may be raw (actually, that’s not true… he IS raw), but he seems to have the tools to become a good offensive lineman. He finished the season at VT playing some left tackle, but I am guessing he will move to the interior of the line, perhaps displacing Fred Weary in a year or so.
• Round 6, pick 183. Kasey Studdard. Meh. Kasey has some solid NFL lineage (his dad and uncle both played O-line in the pros) and, by most accounts, he’s strong and has a bit of a mean streak. Other than that, most of the things I’ve read about him (granted, that’s not a huge volume of stuff) say that he’s slow and has poor balance. That pretty much limits him to spelling the other two guards for a few plays per game. Still, it’s the sixth round. We’ll take what we can get on the offensive line at this point.
• Round 7, pick 218. Zach Diles. Let me be really clear about something: If my last name were “Diles,” you can bet your sweet ass that I would name my sons “Croco” and “Sun.” Also, why can I never find Hostess Chocodiles at the store? Those things are awesome. (As for Zach, he plays DeMeco’s position. Hopefully he’s adept at punt and kickoff coverage.)

Speaking of “grading” the drafts, let me just say that I find the whole process asinine. The two most important things in a draft should be (a) filling needs and (b) taking the best available player to fill those needs (with an eye on not drafting a player too early). Unfortunately, most people seem to grade the draft by guessing what the drafted players will do in the NFL. Teams that get the Can’t Miss players automatically “score” higher. But, for every Reggie Bush, there are multiple Can’t Miss guys like Robert Gallery, Charles Rogers, and Joey Harrington. Even more to the point, there are plenty of guys in this and every draft taken after the first round or two who will become stars. So, when Kiper says that the Raiders did well because they got a “franchise QB” in JaMarcus Russell, he’s talking out of his ass. Which probably also has fantastically groomed hair.

*Suckfator explained: (The number of times I scream “you SUCK!” at the player while watching him * pi)/total losses. It’s science.