DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Caption away, people!

(h/t Deadspin and some god, somewhere, that wanted to make me smile)

Posted without comment, but I think the word needs to be passed.  If you should feel so inclined, a letter to the editor might be helpful, but keep it clean and professional.

Houston Chronicle Columnist Richard Justice Unfairly Attacks Alex Gibbs…and Then Me?

So, it seems Lil’ Dickie Justice (age 12) got his underoos in a bunch when a bunch of people took him to task for being as asshat toward Stephanie in the comments to his blog.  When pressed by various people, including many of the folks who frequent Texans Talk, Justice finally showed just how professional and mature he is, as he unleashed this beauty of a comment. Let fisk this motherfucker.

I don’t know what Stephanie’s real name is, but she creeps me out.

Well, Dick:  1. You do know Stephanie’s real name because you’d have to be borderline retarded to not realize that she’s the same person who used to do the fanblog on the very same site you are writing for, especially since your dislike of the fanblog has been documented by more than one person.

2. Moreover, you know enough about her to know that “she has her own blog,” thus you are probably also cognizant that, on her own blog, she goes by the name Stephanie Stradley.  Which, coincidentally, is the same name she used in her fanblog for the Chron.

3. Why does her real name matter here?  If you knew her real name, would she not creep you out?  What if her real name was D’Brickashaw?  Would that make you more or less creeped out?

4. Do you really think someone would make up an alias of “Stephanie?”  Seems rather normal, doesn’t it?  When I am going incognito, I prefer Captain Hercules Strongmember III.

She writes a little too often, wants to discuss and debate.

Hey, cumstain, you write a BLOG with COMMENTS on the website of a major(ly shitty) newspaper.  THE FUCKING GOAL SHOULD BE FOR PEOPLE TO WANT TO DISCUSS AND DEBATE, YOU INSOLENT RETARD.  If you don’t want people to write and discuss what you have written, then close the comments.  Then you will be free to fellate Vince to your heart’s content with nary a word from the peanut gallery.

She has her own blog, so why is she so interested in mine?

See above, shit-for-brains.  (Hint: It has something to do with Houston having only one daily newspaper, you writing a blog for said newspaper, and you writing things designed to elicit a response.)

Ask yourself that question.

Asked and answered.  NEXT!

Maybe I’ve watched Fatal Attraction too many times.

And maybe you’ve put gerbils in your ass while dry-humping an 8×10 glossy of Bevo and watching the Rose Bowl DVD.

If something happens to one of my rabbits, she’s going to be in big trouble.

OH, I get it.  You think Stephanie has some sort of psychotic obsession with you due to a brief affair you had with her, that she will eventually turn from adoration to vengeance, and that she will kill your pet rabbit by putting it in a pressure cooker while you are out with your wife and young daughter.

No, wait.  That can’t be right.  Hold on…let me see if I understand you:  You think Stephanie is obsessed with you because she actually discusses and debates the things you write on your blog for Houston’s only daily newspaper rather than leaving comments about how you are a hack or how you should stick to baseball or how your columns are clearly influenced by your desire to get your asshole distended by Vince Young?  The rational comments are what make you think she’s nuts and obsessed?

Or were you just trying to by funny in a hip, pop-culture sort of way…by referencing a twenty-fucking-one-year-old movie?

–Richard

The White Ernest Givins? Nice Yahoo! write-up on David Anderson.  Haircut notwithstanding, as a fellow short white guy, I am pulling for DA to make the team.  And, really, if we are being honest, don’t you have to put him above Jacoby on the depth chart right now? (H/T Eric)

BONUS DAVID ANDERSON INFO: Ran a 4.53 at the Combine, but was disappointed with it as he routinely ran in the high 4.4s in the weeks leading up to Indy.  Scored a 43 on the Wonderlic as a junior.  One of only two WRs at the 2006 Combine to not drop a pass.

Captain, the Dipshit-o-meter is pegged!  Ridiculously flawed betting advice regarding tonight’s Texans-Cowboys tilt. In all the Wade Phillip cocksuckery going on, the author ignores the simple fact that Wade’s one Preseason Game 3 loss was LAST YEAR TO THE TEXANS.  (Also, if any Cowboys fans are reading this, spare me your excuses.  Your team gameplanned and tried to blitz and still got beat like a rented midget.)

Sadly…this is probably true.  According to the Dallas Morning News Cowboys blog (as opposed to the inexplicable Houston Chronicle Cowboys blog), Jacques Reeves would have a hard time making the Cowboys’ 2008 roster.  I am suddenly having flashes of Romo targeting him like we targeted Jason David last week.  Someone hold me.

Finally. A present for bfd:

With a h/t to TPL, the hometown heroes signed Marcel Shipp.  Even if being slightly forgiving that he was with the Cards throughout his career, Shipp’s 3.6 YPC is simply sucky.

Pancakes seems to believe that the signing spells the end for Ahman “Football to the Groin” Green on the team.  Due $4.5MM for the year no matter what we do, I don’t think it’ll happen…yet.  But unless Green actually takes the damn field at some point, Pancakes *gulp* might be right.

So where does this leave us?  Our running game has looked pretty awful in the preseason.  The team asked Chris Taylor to bulk up, which he did, and then he didn’t do much rushing the ball and now he is hurt.  Darius Walker didn’t get a single rush last week, so it seems Smithiak doesn’t consider him an answer.  Chris Brown looked pretty decent, but he’s no more physically reliable than is Green.

So, is the only reliable RB we have on the roster an unproven rookie in Steve Slaton?  And is Slaton a 300 carries kinda guy?  Makes you wonder what Ron “Three Pies and a Cloud of Meringue” Dayne is up to these days, doesn’t it?*

It’s not time to panic yet, and I don’t think our offensive line has even thrown a single cut-block so far, but I am starting to feel a bit antsy.

What do y’all think?

* My guess?  450.

Edit: Got some awesome feedback from Keith, who deserves my most empahtic leg hugs for his help, and you can see it here.  In addition, I had a follow-up question for him:

Handsome, virile, and manly bfd: I can’t find the precise terms of the contract, but I thought the first two years of it were guaranteed?  There is some amount of money that is, I believe.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2787723

Does that change the June 1 cut amount?

Response from Keith:

So, media reports are often incorrect or misleading, mostly because it involves agents talking to journalists. ‘nuf said.

The guaranteed money mentioned by Pastabelly is not mentioned in the documentation I have from the NFLPA, so I consider the report erroneous. Technically, Green’s $5 million signing bonus is guaranteed. I imagine the agent told ESPN that the workout and roster bonuses were pretty much guaranteed (for a total of $2.1 million if he played out the contract) to give Lenny the impression that “$6 million-$7 million” is guaranteed.

So there we have it.  Thanks, Keith!

Note: Matt and I were honored to anonymously receive a box of Richard Justice’s old writings.  Many of them were written in pink or purple crayon and thus difficult to read, but we did the best we could.  Here is the first installment.  Special note: All “i”s were dotted with a smiley face.

by Little Dickie Justice, age 14, Memorial HS, 1974

Dear Diary,

Ohmygod!  He finally said “Hello” to me today, diary!  His name his Dylan Wayne Whitman, and he’s absolutely dreamy!  Somebody said he graduated like 4 years ago, but he’s here when I get here in the morning and he’s here when I leave in the afternoon.  Oh diary, it must be because I’m here!

And he does things that make other men cry.  People always seem to be thanking him after he gives them a plastic bag full of white powder, and others bow their heads in obvious deferment to his greatness, too scared and awed to even speak to him.  Everybody admires him and his really cool band t-shirts.  And he’s got the fastest car in the neighborhood.  He is greatness.

Oh diary!, his greatness is so great, it makes me proud to just be around him!  I feel like I can do more, and especially more for him, if you know what I mean diary.  Every day I get home and I practice on a banana for when he’s ready for me.  He just makes me feel so good about myself!

Diary, it’s my gift to you that I will document all of my adventures with him.  It’s the least I can do.  But, for now my sweet, diary, mommy bought me those new batteries, so I’m off to prepare for sweet, great, Texan Dylan.

XOXOXOXOXOX,

Dickie

Back in this post, I mentioned that we are always willing and happy to run well-written posts from our readers.  This is one of those posts.  (Also, I expand that offer to include fans of other teams that would like to offer a well-reasoned reponse to things they’ve read here about their favorite teams.)

Here’s the next guest post:

A Reasoned Rebuttal To A Richard Justice Article That Doesn’t Deserve A Link
by: Vega

You sense you are in the presence of greatness the moment he enters a room. Adults and children are in awe. Teammates love him, opponents respect him. There will never be another one like him.

Joe Montana - worthless. Jerry Rice – NFL slut. Dan Marino – what did he ever fucking accomplish? Walter Payton – he couldn’t even avoid death.

Vince Young did things on a football field that made grown men cry.

Similarly, Richard Justice has done things in journalism that make me cry.

He brought happiness to millions, made their boring lives worth living.

Damn it. If only I lived in Texas and was a Longhorn fan, my life wouldn’t suck.

He wore orange, but Tech fans, Aggie fans, UH fans, all fans rooted for him as if he was their own. Such was his greatness.

Wait a second, you mean EVERYONE loved him?! Friend and foe alike?! Well then why do I hate him now that he’s a BE-SF? Also, why… hold on, is he dead? Is this a eugogoly?

He made an entire state—and probably an entire nation—feel good about itself. All Vince Young has been to Texans is everything.

That fucker just called me an “it”.

That’s why nothing that happens this year in sports will be as emotionally powerful as what The University of Texas has planned for August 30. That’s when Vince Young’s jersey No. 10 will be retired by the Longhorns.

Michael Phelps would agree. When Tiger won the US Open on a broken leg, his first thoughts were of Vince Young. Eli Manning wore #10 in the Superbowl in honor of Young.

I’m probably like a lot of you in that when I’m feeling down or have had a bad day at work I put in the DVD of that Rose Bowl. No matter how many times I watch it, I’m still inspired by it, moved by it.

And sometimes, when I’m alone, I’ll grab a bottle of baby oil and a wooden spoon and spank my own ass.

It makes me want to work harder, to accomplish more. It makes me want to make Vince proud.

Usually, I’ll do a double of tequila and rub my own boob and I know that somewhere, Vince Young is smiling.

Whenever I’m in Austin, I drop by to see The Trophy, to feel its power, to remember that incredible evening.

Reading comprehension question: What is Richard Justice referring to when he speaks of “The Trophy”, “its power”, and “that incredible evening”?

a. The BCS Trophy, what it represents, and the 2006 Rose Bowl

b. His Pulitzer Prize, his extensive influence, that night he learned to fly.

c. His Vince Young Real Doll, sweaty man love, and his evening routine

d. Other. Please elaborate.

I never expect to have another one like it as long as I’m on this earth.

I wonder what your wife thinks about this.

I’ll be there for the ceremony. If you can’t be there, I’ll be there for you. I’ll capture the moment for you. I will write something that tugs at your heart and reflects Vince’s greatness. That is my gift.

Gee, thanks Dick, but I’m allergic to literary semen. How about if I just hammer an ice pick through my testicles and we call it square?

Texas isn’t like other places. Texas only honors a few of its own. Texas isn’t like other schools. Greatness is routine at Texas.

I’d like to step aside for a moment and congratulate BFD and all the other Longhorns on this site for being great. Super job, guys!

To have your jersey retired by The University of Texas, you have to be special.

He definitely is “special”.

Vince will join Tommy Nobis (60), Bobby Layne (22), Earl Campbell (20) and Ricky Williams (34) as the only Longhorns to have their numbers retired.

So according to the previous statement, Ricky Williams is pretty great and special too, huh. Among his accomplishments he lists setting the NCAA career rushing record (later broken by Ron Dayne), quitting the NFL so he could smoke more weed, not being able to get through a CFL season, and that night he ate 15 bags of Doritos.

The University of Texas is a special place. Whether you graduated from Texas, as I did, or you have visited the campus, you understand its power, its beauty and its grace. It’s a place of ideas, a place of thought, a place where people learn to be the best they can be.

It’s one of a kind too. Harvard, MIT, Princeton – amateurs.

So Texas will honor one of its best. He’s a magical man in that he’s beloved, not just by the University of Texas, but by millions of others. He’s admired for his football accomplishments, but also for his charitable heart and his dignity.

Yup, dignity. Lots of dignity.

”I’m really looking forward to getting back to Austin again, seeing everyone, reaching out to the community with my foundation event and cheering on my team,” Vince said. ”I was speechless when they told me about the jersey retirement earlier this summer, and I still don’t think it’s sunk in. It’s such a great honor to be remembered in such a special way. Man, when I see that number and my name on the stadium. I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s just going to be such an unbelievable feeling for me and my family.”

Quick, raise your hand if you think that Vince Young knows the name of his foundation.

No, Vince, the honor is all ours. You allowed us to watch you play.

It’s a good thing you did too. Every year before college football starts, I stress over which players are going to allow me to watch.

”When you think about Vince, all he’s done for The University, our football program and the community, it’s going to be a really special day for all of us and a great opportunity to say thank you,” Mack Brown said. ”Thank you for what he does as a football player, how he represents our football program, athletic department and university, for sending such a great message about education by coming back to finish up school, but most importantly, for always giving back. Vince is a terrific football player but an even more special young man.”

Is it me, or is there an excessive amount of “special”-ness going on?

We’re Texas.

I thought we were Marshall?

What starts here changes the world.

We’re still talking about football right? Football that happened two and a half years ago?

Has Vince Young found a cure for cancer that I’m not aware of? Did he bring peace to the Middle East and I just missed the news conference? He’s a fucking football player!!

I’ve been clear in my comments here that I have no affiliation to UT and am completely impartial to what the team does in sports. That said, I don’t speak about my own mother this way. I don’t talk like this to my fiancee. She’d probably cancel the wedding if I did. I would love to hear from the UT crowd. Do you all feel the same?

From reader and occasional guest-poster, Will “The Thrill”:

Here’s a point that hasn’t been brought up anywhere yet, and I think it’s the biggest problem facing the Texans.

We have to avoid, at all costs, getting into the “funk” we got into many of the games last year.  Not playing physical.  Not hitting people in the jaw.  Jags play physical and so do the Titans.

I remember being so mad during the second Titans game I left the sports bar at the half and watched the rest of the game from the house.  It wasn’t necessarily talent, it was just playing on their heels.

It’s a mental aspect, an intangible.  Is it coaching, or is it scheme?  It’s contagious, whatever it is.  At times it looked like the team wanted to curl up in a fetal position and find a happy place rather than hit someone in the mouth.  We need more “mean streaks” like you see in O-Line scouting reports.  BTW, is that the same as saying a girl is “sweet,” meaning their technique isn’t the best, but they’re mean?  She’s kinda fat, but she’ll still fuck.  [Awesome. --Ed.]

The strange thing is someone finally steps up, and then it’s like the team gets a Popeye can of spinach, and then everyone’s back in the game.  My favorite Maddenism is so true, “90% of the game is half mental.”  I forget what the spark was to the Titans comeback, but a big part of it could support the next argument.

We came back on the Titans when they started playing back on their heels on defense.  I firmly believe non aggression on defense can lead to playing on your heels.  Whether or not this is THE issue, it’s a major issue, as we’ve cited numerous times last year.

Maybe it’s coaching, and guys like Alex Gibbs and Ray Rhoades will keep a fire lit under people’s ass.

Speaking of Rhoades, when will some of the local media quit copying each other’s stories and look at Rhoades some more?  The Alex Gibbs deal has been re-run to death.  Give us some damn ax-cess!

You know, I hadn’t even thought about it because the season ended on such a high note, but Will is exactly right–there were times last year when it looked like the Texans were scared.  The Chargers game comes to mind [Side note: Fuck you, Drayton Florence] as one where they never snapped out of the “funk.”

I have two theories as to why this is, at least on our defensive side of the ball.  First, Richard Smith is mildly retarded and has no idea how to play aggressive defense and get the most out of what he has.  Unfortunately, he is still here.  Fortunately, Ray Rhodes is lurking and might give him a pointer or ninety.

Second, the Texans are a young team.  I haven’t looked at the numbers to back this up, but it’s my guess that young teams are more prone to getting overwhelmed early in a game and then being on their heels the rest of the day.  Of course, it’s that same youth that comes out fearless when they get some early breaks.

What say the rest of ye?

No accountability for saying the wrong guy got cut.

You get to put up a bunch of shit and call it a blog post.

I’ve had an uber-tough/shitty week at work, and every time I see this sort of shit, I die a little.  I really do.  These guys can fuck up for a living, and if I do, I lose my job.

/worthless and helpless cathartic moment

A number of reasons, both Texans- and non-Texans-related, have left me in an incredibly foul mood this afternoon. In the spirit of my disposition, here’s a list of people who need to shut the fuck up.

Jason McIntyre / The Big Lead. Every time you write anything about the NFL, I have this overwhelming urge to throw up all over my computer. Seriously. Your football analysis makes Merrill Hoge sound like Vince Lombardi. The Texans rank 20th in your power rankings, behind the Bucs and the Cardinals and the Bills? Really? You say you base it on “their roster” and “their history,” but I call bullshit. Your football knowledge can be summed up as “this is what ESPN told me to think six months ago.” If you’ll buy a bullet, I’ll loan you a gun so you can just end it and save us all the pain.

Paul Schwartz / NY Post. BFD is going to handle this one later, but, for now, suffice it to say that the only “mercy” that came from Carr’s release was granted TO us, not BY us.  Oh, and fuck you, you ignorant cocksucker.

Anna-Megan Raley.  This week’s topic: Why do you love Mario Williams?  Next week: Why I love to blow football players.

The Kid at Sonic with his employee visor upside-down and backward.  Every day, your father wishes he’d pulled out.  Also, your father probably isn’t who you think it is.

Houston Chronicle.  Brandon Harrison.  Brandon Mitchell.  What, do all Brandons look alike to you, you name-ist dickholes?  Here’s an idea—since no one expects you to have any sort of hot, breaking news, take your fucking time and at least try to get the names right and, maybe, give us a nugget that the AP won’t.  Fuck.

¹ Most little kid books suck. The inspiration for this post title does not.

So, I have been obsessive-compulsively refreshing the chron and Texans home page looking for any sign of a Duane Brown signing.  Instead, this is what I am treated to:

To the chron: Seriously, if you guys are so obsessed over the assholes to our north, move there.  Go.  You’ve repeatedly shown a lack of interest covering the Texans.  Just go.  Get it over with.  And don’t come back.

Football?  In Texas?: It looks like the comicle writers finally remembered that it was football season and decided to stitch together a few articles for the benefit of the masses (sic).

Pancakes sez (I used quote form, but these are basically paraphrases with my comments thrown in.  Hard doing this while holding a baby):

Kubiak thinks Mario looks good.

Learning left tackle is hard and it’s a little scary having Eliza Doolittle Duane Brown out there over Ephraim Salaam.

Xavier Adibi and Antwaun Molden are both making progress.  If it is true that Molden is ahead of Fred Bennett at similar points, we have a ton to be excited about.

Most improved are: “defensive tackle Amobi Okoye, guard Kasey Studdard, safety Brandon Harrison and receiver David Anderson.”  Harrison intrigues me quite a bit.

In his blog, Pancakes sees Darius Walker as the odd man out.  Hard to disagree, but between Ahman Green and Chris Brown, injuries might settle that decision, first.

These sorts of articles are nice, but until we start seeing some pre-season action, let’s not put too much stock into these comments.

But here’s the money-maker from Pancakes this morning:

And then there are some of you who seem to think that Mario Williams is still a bust, and he stumbled into all 14 sacks that were created by other pass rushers. And you fail to point out that every pass rusher with a lot of sacks gets some of them because of their teammates. There’s nothing I can do to convince you otherwise, so I won’t try because you’re hopeless.

Seriously, you can’t make this shit up.  In fact, I think the above accurately reflects with the staff of the comicle, en masse, wrote about Mario last year.  Assholes.

Lil Dickie Justice, age 12, managed to go an entire article without mentioning Vince Young once, definitely a new record.  The article, itself, is relatively useless.

Gettin’ people inked: oiler-texan diehard poses a good question about getting our top draft picks signed.  With Jake Chris Long (seriously, doing this while holding a baby is difficult) now signed, I think we’ll start seeing the dominos fall, and we’ll hopefully get the rest of our guys in camp quickly.

bfd, you dumb: socctty makes a great point, and I will take it upon myself to become more football stats geeky this year.

Adventures in stupidity: Finally, it’s my belief that the best thing about the intertoobz is the democratization of information.  I still believe in the old Schoolhouse Rock belief that knowledge is power.  Of course, the worst thing about the non-dumptruck utilizing tubes is that anybody can post garbage on them.  As Eric said, this is the sort of post that makes Baby Jesus Buzz Bissinger cry.

Lessee here: irrational hatred of the Texans?  Check!  Functionally illiterate?  Check!  Can’t count?  Check!  Has no idea what football is or how it works?  Check and check!

Ladies and gentlement, your next Lil Dickie Justice!

(h/t to Eric for his assistance this morning)

Filed this under BRB > Chron.com. I continued to be blown away with the substance the new BRBers are bringing to the Texans blogosphere.  Case in point, marroncito recently did a kick-ass interview with Tim Bulman.  I have to be honest–I assumed during the DHC/BFD discussion that Bulman was not long for this team.  After reading this piece, however, I REALLY hope I was wrong.  (Side note:  Has anyone found ANY news anywhere regarding DGDB&D fave Earl Cochran?)

But…wait…where are Bush and Young?!?!? Courtesy of Eric — who must not love me, because he’s never made me cry at work — we get CBSSportsline’s Top 50 players based on last year’s performance.  My only quibble with the list is DeMeco not making it (he was an honorable mention), but given that he was sorta hobbled near the end of the year, I suppose I can see it.  Maybe.  Kinda.

I guess we’re past the point of sneaking up on people.  A Yardbarker article listing teams that could be on the verge of a Super Bowl run.  Yes, we are on the list.  (And there’s a picturing of Mario making Jay Cutler his bitch at the bottom, which is always fun.)  Also funny, though the Saints are listed, Reggie Bush is not.

Finally.  Welcome back, BFD.  Despite what you say, there are many who would claim that I am not even the best blogger on this blog.  Like Tim.  Tim would totally say that because he’s a smartass.

And I’m not even talking about this.

For a while now, we’ve had to put up with the Comicle’s incessant clamoring over Chris Taylor, which has been, not surprisingly, led by Pancakes himself. After all, he is the King of the ‘Tards.

But, something funny happened on the way to OTAs. Here’s Eric Winston:

Well, I tell you what, there’s a big battle going on there. You can really tell that all those guys really want to play and they all have really good skill. And that’s good, because you want a lot of guys at that position because you never know what can happen. Sometimes, you have four there and everyone stays healthy and a guy doesn’t get to play. Then, when you’re a little thin there, then all of a sudden a rash of injuries hit. So you’ve always got to be prepared, because in our system it’s such a vital point to have a guy that can really go at that part, and with Ahman (Green) looking healthy, Chris Brown coming in and (being) just real familiar with the zone scheme, and you’ve got Steve Slaton just carrying on what he’s done from West Virginia. So I think we’ve got three different kind of backs but, at the same time, three very exciting backs.

What? No mention of Chris Taylor??? Didn’t Winston ask permission from Pancakes to leave him off???

I was just as excited as anyone after Taylor’s performance the last game of the 2006 season. However, it’s 1. not realistic that he was the reason the Texans didn’t take a RB in the 1st round, and 2. he’s not likely in the picture to play a significant role even if he makes the game day roster in the first place.

I’m not saying it’s the best decision. But, as long as Ahman Green is healthy and we are on the hook for his 2008 salary, he’s staying (we have to pay him one way or the other, so it’s almost a why the hell not? kinda thing). Chris Brown looks like he’ll get plenty of carries. Then, what do we do? Drop Slaton? At best, Taylor is #4 on the depth chart, and, even then, he’ll still have to beat Darius Walker for a spot.

That their rampant speculation is so far off base isn’t surprising, and it’s part of the problem of being an insider: the Texans staff simply don’t have to tell the truth to the Comicle writers, and they gain little, if anything, by doing so. As an outsider, there is a certain reliance that the insiders aren’t complete dumbasses and, well, we know how that’s looking. But the Comicle will never have to pay a mea culpa as long as they aren’t held accountable for their poor reporting.

(For the record, if I screw up badly at my job, my company will be in the headlines. I have to deal with accountability every day)

Chris Taylor!? YAY! The savior of the Texans running game? Not so much.

—————–

From the Texans’ All Access celebration:

“First of all, I’d like to thank all you guys for coming out. We’re really excited about this season coming up. All the guys are excited. You know, we finished 8-8 last year. If you are worried about my knee, my knee is doing fine.” - Andre Johnson

Again, I warn of reading too much into this and remind you to ask yourself, “What do you really expect him to say?” It’s good news, but let’s see how he looks in camp and, most importantly, in the pre-season.

———————

One last nugget for the day, courtesy of rotoworld.com:

Jacoby Jones has been running with the Texans’ first-team offense with Andre Johnson (arthroscopic knee surgery) sidelined.

I couldn’t be more thrilled. As exciting as Apostrophe Davis was for us last year, the fact is he’s 29 and coming off his best year since 2002, if not ever. In other words, we have seen his ceiling as a wide receiver. But, damnz, what a badass 4th WR to have (especially if Andre misses time), and what an awesome weapon to have in the return game. I still have my man-crush on Jacoby thanks to TPL from battleredblog.com, and Jacoby was awesomely impressive in the pre-season last year. He just seemed to lose his confidence after being tackled by a punter, getting injured in the process.

As we get closer to the season, Matt and I - with all of you pitching in awesome wisdom - will flesh out our team. I will tell you that I am super-excited about WR heading into 2008.

If you’ve been following the comments on Jerome Solomon’s “Will the Texans win eight games” blog post, you are (a) as bored as I am and (b) no doubt aware of the back-and-forth that has transpired between Solomon and Mark (1Tex) as well as between Solomon and Solis.

Long story short, Mark took Solomon and the Chron to task for being so needlessly negative and pointed to a pro-Texans article from the Dallas Morning News as proof of getting better Texans coverage elsewhere.  Solis then added that the Chron’s negative approach and subpar coverage of the team was why so many people were anti-Chron at this point. Solomon fired back that the same article had been posted on the Chron, that the Texans coverage on the paper was not negative, and that Mark and Solis sounded like they were whining.

Mark and Solis each responded, basically pointing out that Solomon was missing the bigger point here, to which Solomon replied that there was no “point” and likened the idea that people agreed that the Chron sucked to the KKK.  (No, seriously.)

In all, it was your typical “Chron writer gets defensive about how poorly the paper covers the team” discussion.  It would event be post-worthy were it not for this line from Jerome:

Courage to run what you say? You are nuts if you think I don’t run comments from people who disagree with me.

That’s good to hear.  I mean, one wouldn’t want to think that Jerome was selectively approving comments in order to avoid having his argument shot down.  Nope, he is better than that; he runs comments from people who disagree with him.

Unless those comments come from me or BFD.

Right after Solis’ first comment, BFD wrote the following:

Cmon, there’s really no reason to try and use logic on this here site.  Wasn’t it JS who called Texans fans morons, or something similar, last year?  Pancakes was “liveblogging” the Saints game last year, but obviously wasn’t watching the game.  And RJ still can’t let go of his unrequited man-crush of VY.

The coverage here is pathetic and condescending with a bunch of reporters who are more excited about the Cow-pokes than they are the team they are supposed to cover.

That was written at 11AM on Sunday.  As of 1:40PM on Monday, it still hasn’t been posted.  Shortly after BFD, I added a comment of my own:

I also agree with 1Tex.  It’s no secret among Texans fans that the Chron’s coverage of the team is horrible.  Heck, look at any Texans blog, Texans message board, or just talk to any fan who cares enough to follow the team on a daily basis.

Obviously, Jerome misses the larger underlying point that 1Tex is making–the Chron’s coverage of the Texans should BLOW AWAY Texans coverage on other news outlets, yet it never does.  At best, we get the same “oh, the team isn’t that good” tripe that we get everywhere else in the ether of the internet.

On top of that, we get a DALLAS COWBOYS BLOG on the Texans main page.  Between that, a guy who lives to make insipid videos, a writer that will never forgive the team for not drafting Radio Young, a piece of eye-candy that has never once written anything remotely insightful, and a guy who literally called the Texans fanbase “losers” last year, it is little wonder that Texans fans feel like the Chron’s coverage is subpar.

I think every Texans writer at this paper should thank the deity of his/her choice that there is not a another major daily paper in Houston.

That comment also to that internet comment graveyard in the sky.  I would have chalked it up to our being a collective persona non grata at the Chron and left it at that, but Jerome had to go and make it sound like he wasn’t filtering.  So I emailed him, asking where my comment was if he was so willing to run opposing viewpoints.  He replied that the problem was my inclusion of the atexansblog.com URL in my header.

Fine, I sent a new comment, basically mirroring my last one with some added responses to what he’d written in the interim and I was sure to leave my URL out.  I was even somewhat friendly in this version.

I also agree with 1Tex.  It’s no secret among Texans fans that the Chron’s coverage of the team is horrible.  Heck, look at any Texans blog, Texans message board, or just talk to any fan who cares enough to follow the team on a daily basis.

Jerome misses the larger underlying point that 1Tex is making–the Chron’s coverage of the Texans should BLOW AWAY Texans coverage on other news outlets, yet it never does.  At best, we get the same “oh, the team isn’t that good” tripe that we get everywhere else in the ether of the internet without much in the way of additional, insider-type articles that a local paper should provide.

On top of that, we get a DALLAS COWBOYS BLOG on the Texans main page.  Between that, a guy who lives to make insipid videos, a writer that will never forgive the team for not drafting Radio Young, a piece of eye-candy that has never once written anything remotely insightful, and a guy who literally called the Texans fanbase “losers” last year, it is little wonder that Texans fans feel like the Chron’s coverage is subpar.

*****
“And to say that the Chron’s stories on the Texans are shrouded in negativity is a bit disingenuous, considering the team has never had a winning season.”

One has nothing to do with the other, Jerome. You don’t have to have a winning season for articles following your best season to date to remain positive about the upcoming year. The team was .500 last year and, for the first time ever, seems to have most of the pieces in place to challenge any other team on any given week.  Given that, which makes more sense–to talk about how the team has a better chance than ever to win at least 9 games OR to keep pointing out how they haven’t won 9 games in any previous years?

“Journalists are not supposed to write like fans of the team and say all is well when things are falling apart.”

Nor are they supposed to keep talking about how Mario Williams is a bust and wrong pick when he is dominating opposing teams and making the people who drafted him look like geniuses. They are supposed to write objectively about what is actually happening. So, when things AREN’T falling apart, by your rationale, the writers should not suggest that they are.  (Unless you really think things are falling apart right now, which is a ridiculous assertion.)

Look, I don’t disagree that the paper should not aspire to be Pollyanna Sunshine 100% of the time.  And I don’t think that negativity is necessarily the biggest problem facing the Chron (though it is certainly an important issue).  The problem, as I see it, is that (a) the coverage provided that is good is–more often than not–written by the AP or someone unaffiliated with the paper and (b) the stuff written by Chron staff reeks of negativity so often that the occasional piece that isn’t gets lost in the mix.

That was two-and-a-half hours ago.  Still, nada.  About thirty minutes ago, following the brilliant KKK mention, I added:

The KKK comment is ridiculous and does nothing to further the debate.  If you can’t see why it doesn’t work in the context of this debate–I can already hear you typing “no it’s not, both are examples of people with similar opinions”–then this conversation is pointless.

As for arguing that Solis’ (and others’) OPINION is wrong, how can you take that stance and still argue that people shouldn’t call you an idiot because you don’t like MMA?  Your OPINION is that MMA is not entertaining, right?  You back it up with other opinions–that it is about violence, that it is boring–but in the end it is still nothing more than opinion.  And opinions are a matter of taste, not a matter of fact that can be argued.

Oh, wait, I forgot that it was perfectly acceptable for Chron writers to be hypocritical.  See, e.g., Justice’s positions on Mario.

Of course, since you still haven’t posted my last comment, despite my removal of the URL, I doubt this one goes up either.  And, yes, that is a thinly-veiled challenge.

I won’t hold my breath that either of these gets posted.

In the end, I can’t even pretend like this is surprising.  After all, both BFD and I have taken many, many shots at the Chron and its staff over the past 13 months, so I guess they are justified in shutting us out of their comments if they want to.  Whatever.  Just don’t sit there and pretend like you are running all of the comments, even the negative ones, when you most certainly aren’t.  THAT “is a bit disingenuous,” Jerome.  If the people in charge won’t let you run DGDB&D comments, then say so.  Hell, I’d have more respect for you if that was the case.  Otherwise, I am going to assume that you and your cohorts are spineless and incapable of anything resembling the rational debate you claim to be willing to engage in.

Game Show Host: Aaaaaand, we’re back! It’s time for the lightning round. You all know how this works; You pick a category, I ask a question and, if you get it right, I ask you another one. If you get it wrong, the next person gets a chance to answer. The first person to answer five correct wins. Travis, as the only person without a negative dollar amount following round one, you get to go first.  Please choose from General Knowledge, Human Anatomy, and Authors.

Travis Johnson: General Knowledge.

Host: OK…name the first President of the United States.

Johnson: George Washington–

Host: Correct!

Johnson: Carver.

Host: Um…incorrect.  Ms. Raley, your question.

Anna-Megan Raley: What?

Host: It’s your turn to answer the question.

Raley: What question?

Host: Name the first President of the United States.

Raley: Sam Houston.

Host: Ugh.  No.  Vince, please, who was the first president of the United States?!

Vince Young: Oh, that’s that dude on the dollar bills I put down those strippers pants at JR’s.  Oh, what’s his name…um…Washington!  Yeah, George Washington!

Host: Correct!  Next question: In the equation 2x+4=6, what does x stand for?

Young: X?  Hold up! This is a trick question, dawg.  X is a letter, not a number!

Host: Good god.  I mean, seriously…sweet holy Jesus.  Travis?

Johnson: (dancing to music no one else hears) Word.

Host: What does X stand for?

Johnson: Shoot, I dunno…one?

Host: Wow…that’s right!  OK, what is the capital of Texas?

Johnson: Ha, that’s easy, dude! The letter T!

Host: What? Oh. No. Anna-Megan?

Raley: (two octaves higher) Uh huh!

Host: Ow.  What is the capital of Texas?

Raley: AUSTIN!!!!!

Host: Yes, but please calm down.  You still have to answer four more to win, ok?

Raley: OK!

Host: (sighing) Jesus.  In the sentence, “the dog bit the cat,” what part of speech is “dog?”

Raley: I love dogs!  What color is he?!

Host: WHAT PART OF SPEECH IS THE WORD “DOG?”

Raley: The tail?

Host: (stares blankly at Anna-Megan)

(stares)

(stares)

(considers the sweet release of death)

Host: Moving on…Vince, what part of speech is “dog?”

Young: (removes shirt) A noun, dude.

Host: I honestly have no idea how you knew that, but correct!  

(bell rings)

Host: Oh, we are running short on time!  That means it only takes THREE correct answers to win the lightning round.  Vince, if you can answer this, you will win.  How many sides are there on a dodecahedron?

Young: I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout dinosaurs.

Host: (muttering) Goddamnit.  Travis, dodecahedron, sides?

Johnson: It burns when I pee.

Host: (eyes fill with tears)

(stabs self in the chest with pocket knife)

(dies)

Johnson:  Whoa.  That’s some fucked up shit there, dude.  (looks at Raley and Young)  Yo, Vince, you wanna stuff this broad like a pair of Chinese finger cuffs?

Young: (rubbing nipples) Nah, dawg. You know I don’t get down like that.  (realizes what he said)  Um, with, uh, white women.  Yeah, that’s it.  Nothing to do with guys at all…no, no sir, not me. Not that, like, there’s anything wrong with that, but, you know, I ain’t, um, like that…

Johnson:  Whatever.  (to Raley) Yo, bitch, you ever get yo’ shit rocked by a big ol’ dude like me?

Raley:  Puh-lease…how do you think I GOT my job?  Let’s go back to your place and I’ll show you why they called me “Ol’ Three Hole” in college. (pauses) You’re wearing a condom though…Lord knows I don’t need another inflamed elvis.

Megan Manfull of the Comicle is reporting that Andre Johnson will miss OTAs after he had arthroscopic knee surgery on Thursday. Evidently, the knee acted up during mini-camp.

Now, I’m not worried about Andre missing reps: the dude knows this offense and probably dreams about it in technicolor at night. BUT, I am seriously worried about his health in 2008. After all, this is the knee that caused him to miss seven games in 2007, and that he had clean-up surgery (not knowing the details) is scary. I know there is a little projection going on thanks to my date with the knee knife on several occasions, but revisiting the scene of the crime is never a good idea.

The other factor is that the knee bothered Andre during the season even after the original surgery. Will this be a chronic problem? It has been for nine months and counting.

Let’s be honest here: Andre drives our offense. We can talk about the line or Teh Schaub or whomever, but when we lost Andre last year, our offensive dropped a turd. Andre stretches defenses, which in turn helps our running game. We need Andre.

Checking on Andre’s health heading into training camp will be a priority. Yes, this post smells a bit of paranoia, but after all of last year’s injuries, I’m freakin’ paranoid.

Courtesy of super über-emailer, Eric:

I’m listening to 104.5 “The Zone” here in Nashville and John McClain–Houston’s biggest name in football coverage and the Chron’s only HOF-voting SOB–will be in Europe this weekend, while the Texans have their first mini-camp this year!

Now THERE is some coverage you can count on. I assume he’s just going to have Anna-Megan do some crayon drawings of what happens at mini-camp. And then he’ll make a movie about his trip to Europe. And, maybe, if we are lucky, he’ll combine the two into some goddamned ridiculous song that makes us all dumber for having heard it.

Fuck the Chron.

Because he is far less lazy than I, BFD beat me to doing a post in the same vein as Orson’s. Still, because I think anything that casts light on bloggers as an informed, educated, non-basement-dwelling entity is a good thing, I am going to copy BFD’s format and answer the questions about myself.

Why the fuck do I blog: The short answer is because when I started this thing, there weren’t nearly as many Texans-centric blogs as their are now, I thought I could add something to the mix, and it gave me something to do while I sat at my desk pretending to work. The longer answer would add: because I like to write, I like to try to entertain people, I have all these bizarre ideas running around my head (see, e.g., anything written about Will Demps), and I enjoy getting feedback from others.

Why do I blog anonymously?: I don’t. It’s Matt Campbell up in this, bitches. In the long run, not maintaining a level of anonymity might bite me in the ass, but I don’t think so. I don’t post anything about my job (other than taking the pictures of some dude’s junk) and I still get all my “real” work done. In the beginning of this blog, I felt like full disclosure would give me more credibility.

Do I live in my mother’s basement?: No. Much like Texas, there are very few basements in Arkansas once you get out of the mountains because it rarely gets cold enough for the ground to freeze. I live in my own house with the wife, two kids, two dogs, and a goldfish that is apparently immortal. I am also fortunate enough–long story–to already own said house outright. Also, my mom doesn’t have a basement.

So, why the fuck is it OK for you to blog?: Because there are a large number of people who want to read about the Texans and, as detailed here and elsewhere, the Houston Chronicle does a horrendously shitty job of providing entertaining and informative discussion regarding the team. Am I the best person for the job? Doubtful. But I am willing to do it, I think I do a pretty good job most days, and I have a co-blogger who was also willing to host the URL. It’s the perfect storm, baby. And the fact that we’ve gotten 84,000+ hits (despite being banned in many fascist workplaces) suggests that maybe we are doing SOMETHING right.

Have you been spayed or neutered?: Nope. I’m still as potent as ever.

Religion/Politics: The only reason I haven’t been real open on these issues is I know how touchy other people can be about your answers. I don’t want to alienate or drive away readers simply because of something that has nothing to do with the blog. I will mention, however, that I was born Catholic, but it didn’t stick all that well and that I have never, ever voted straight ticket in any election. So there.

Edumacation: Business Admin (Accounting) degree because I dicked around and dropped out for a year and that was the quickest way to get done when I went back. JD from Washington University in St. Louis. I honestly have NO idea how I got into a school that good.

Career: Investigator for a local government agency. Freelance writer for two different legal periodicals. Blogger. Soon-to-be BBQ mogul.

Family: Wife and two kids: a son (9) and a daughter (2 mos.)

What do I look like?: I’m 5′7″, chubby, and I look like I am about 18 (I’ll be thirty next month).

Dramatic Ending: I really got nothing here. I started this blog (which, by the way, turns 1 tomorrow) as an outlet and a chance to connect with some Texans fans. It has become bigger than I ever really thought it would. If it continues to grow and we manage to piss off some “establishment” writers along the way, all the better.

Unless you live in a cave on the Internet, or you think newspapers still have a ton of upside, you may have missed this at deadspin.

Look, I know that I’ve gone off on the Jurassic media before. Don’t worry, that’s not my intent here, even though I could easily type 1000 words on the subject.

Yesterday, I saw what one of the best bloggers in the biz, Orson Swindle, had to say. In the spirit of his post, consider this an open thread for questions about me. Yes, it’s ego-centric and arrogant and serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. However, after the Christmas Ape got dooced and this dust-up about the blogosphere and credentials and whatever, I think it’s worth a go - though I can’t exactly go too far.

With apologies to Matt, Steph, and all of you who don’t give a shit, here we go:

Why the fuck do I blog: Because I like to write. I have an undergrad in English from THE University of Texas at Austin. I like to write. I don’t suck at it…too badly. I’d put my body of work against the chron’s any day. I love sports, and I love to talk about sports. Being able to express my opinion is fun. I encourage all opinions at a reasonable level of discourse.

Why do I blog anonymously?: See dooced above. I don’t do this full-time, and I really can’t afford to lose my job. You’ll notice that I don’t talk about my job and I don’t say for whom I work. This is done on purpose. As long as people like Christmas Ape can be fired for no particular reason other than blogging, I am paranoid. Add that I work in a conservative industry, all the more so.

Do I live in my mother’s basement?: No. First, in this part of Texas, there really aren’t any basements. The only known basement is Tim’s mother’s. I live in Austin. In 15 years or less, I will own my house outright. It’s not a big house, but it’s what I like. I live in the middle of the city, but I have awesome views and I can bike to a ton of places.

So, why the fuck is it OK for you to blog?: I never said it was. I blog because I can. I blog because I want to. If blogging is no longer fun - even this post will take an hour to put up - I will quit. Blogging is harder work than it looks. If you don’t believe me, ask Steph of Tim or Hilton. It’s not easy. And when you don’t do it full time, it’s even harder. Still, I love the Texans, and that’s why I’m here (well, that, and Matt’s temporary lack of sanity).

Have you been spayed or neutered?: Why, yes! Yes I have. Thanks for asking. Jerk.

Religion/Politics: I only add this because Orson did, but I am going to skirt the issue a little. Just as I believe all people should be able to express their opinion, they should be able to express their religion. Politically, I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

Edumacation: As mentioned, English undergrad with several minors, and I am working toward my MBA (I’ll go into homework mode right after this post).

Career: Not much to say here, but I have been published in over 100 magazines, newspapers, pamphlets, and websites across our great nation (and SE Asia). Unfortunately, I did all this as a ghost writer, so little of it is to my credit. As a special note to Little Dickie Justice, age 12, and Pancakes McClain: I make more than you both do, so bite me. Oh, while in school, I was the co-host for a sports show for three years. So, yes, I know the power of credentials (and they mean SHIT!).

Family: Wife and two kids: a son of 5 and a daughter at 1 1/2.

What do I look like?: Something about like this:

Dramatic Ending: I’ll end on this note. I hate the traditional media. I don’t watch TV, and when I watch sports, I rarely have the sound on. One of my minors is journalism, and somebody on deadspin.com reminded me of this: as a journalist, you are told you are the gatekeeper of information. Hasn’t this gatekeeper mentality gotten us into enough trouble already? That’s why I blog, and it’s why I read blogs. I’m not saying there’s no place for the traditional media - we need somebody to be the stenographer for coaches and managers and players and politicians - but I strongly believe that the best quality of work is at blogs.

Any questions? I’m ready to move away from these inane discussions, but as long as dinosaurs like Buzz Bissinger stalk the earth, these are slightly necessary. Kinda.

/being arrogant ass