Elway on the Raiders, Carr
Oct 24, 2008 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Teams that aren't the Texans, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
ESPN’s AFC West blog has some excerpts from an article that John Elway wrote for Sporting News on JaMarcus Russell and the Raiders.
We all know that the Raiders and the Broncos probably hate each other at an administrative level moreso than any other teams in the league, including the Jets and the Patriots. These guys have been going at it for years. So it’s interesting from that angle. Elway tries to draw a comparison between Russell’s situation and David Carr’s, and I’m not sure it helps Russell any:
“It’s this kind of organizational instability that can ruin a quarterback, like the Texans ruined David Carr and the Browns ruined Tim Couch. A young quarterback, especially a No. 1 guy with the weight of a city’s expectations on his shoulders, can wilt.”
I have to admit, I didn’t follow the Dom Capers years as intimately as I’ve followed the Kubiak years. But I have never had the impression that the only reason David Carr didn’t succeed was because of “organizational stability.” I thought it was because, you know, he sucked. If he “wilted”, it’s because David Carr is the kind of guy that wilts, period. (Something-something about gloves.)
Elway seems to fall under the impression that, if you’re a #1 overall pick as a QB, you must be awesome, because Elway was awesome and he was a #1 pick. Surely those guys must have had some sort of exceptional talent, but being exceptional at one thing - throwing a football hard and fast and far - doesn’t make you into a good NFL quarterback. Maybe things came really easy to John Elway, and he takes that for granted.
It kind of makes me wonder what Elway thinks of Gary Kubiak’s handling of David Carr. After all, Kubiak was Elway’s back-up and then his position coach, and Kubiak saw enough of David Carr in a year to cut him loose and admit that he made a mistake on thinking the guy was a capable player. So either Elway thinks coaching is important (and implicitly thinks Kubiak was a pretty darn good one), or he thinks David Carr was super-awesome and that Kubiak and every subsequent coach since has made a big mistake on the guy.
Can you guys provide some insight on the coaching that David Carr received, specifically at Offensive Co-ordinator and Quarterbacks Coach? Like I said, I wasn’t paying too much attention then, but I never got the impression that Carr went through the coaching hell that Jason Campbell has gone through since high school. Carr just seemed to me like another guy in a long list of Jeff Tedford QBs that sucked (with the apparent exception of Aaron Rodgers). How much of it is Carr and how much of it is what Elway suggests is an Al Davis-esque level of incompetence?
Update: Completely unrelated, but Stephanie scores a must-read interview with FootballOutsiders alumnus Bill Barnwell. Go check it out now. It makes you want to take up a “Fire Millen” type crusade against Richard Smith.
My crush note to Paul Schwartz
Jul 31, 2008 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Open Letters, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Dear Paul,
It was with much interest that I read your moronic fluffing deeply insightful article on Houston’s most wanted favorite son, David Carr, aka Mr. Mittens. As a tribute to your l33t reporting skills, I will give your article the proper respect it deserves: a full-on Fisking.
Let’s begin, shall we?
ALBANY - David Carr plans on using the Giants. The Giants plan on using David Carr.
Holy crap. You actually write for a living? Write in English? And for a major newspaper? I’d say this is cliched, but you’d probably just take it one day at a time.
“I told Coach [Tom] Coughlin I want to help the team any way I can, and I’m looking for them to help me as well,” a relaxed Carr said yesterday in between practice sessions at Giants training camp. “If we can both do that, it’s going to be positive for everybody.”
Hmmmmm, yes, I can see how this is an important quote to have in your “paper.” A player says a cliche, and you are more than happy to gobble it up. Well done!!! That’s the precise definition of journamalism!
Consider this the ultimate user relationship.
What in the fuck does that mean? I have no idea. Please clarify.
This can be viewed as the last roundup for Carr, 29, who in 2002 was the No. 1 pick in the NFL Draft, a great honor that devolved into a great headache when he languished within the moribund offense that was the Houston Texans.
Wow, where to begin. Last roundup, you say? Nice Texas reference, if it was at all amusing. A “moribund offense,” you say? Did it ever occur to you that the weak-working pretty boy was a primary reason for that “moribund offense?” Do you think that the guy who didn’t attend team meetings and showed no passion for the sport might be a cause of the “moribund offense?” My Durga, you are a fucking moron.
Five years later, he was mercifully released, the best option for his body and mind…
…to say nothing of Texans’ fans bodies and minds…
…and last season struggled through an unsatisfying and unsuccessful one-and-done stay with the Panthers.
Lemme guess. That was the fault of the Texans, as well? It had nothing to do with the fact the guy played dead on the field more than a passive opossum?
Can a career in tatters be repaired by the Super Bowl champions?
W.T.F? Do you mean to infer that Super Bowl champions have some super-healing powers like de Leon’s Fountain of Youth?
“Being around a good group, guys who had the camaraderie these guys had, I watched them all through the playoffs, that was neat to see, man,” Carr said. “You don’t see that at this level, you see it in college and high school, there are no selfish guys. Seemed like the place I wanted to be.”
Because it is a proven fact that the Texans have 14 guys on death row, so this obviously makes sense.
This is a one-year trial for Carr, who after 262 career sacks - including a ghastly 76 as a rookie - is looking to reclaim the form and confidence that once made him a hot commodity. The backup role for the Giants is the cushiest job around, as long as Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning remains healthy.
No, the cushiest job around is being a writer for the New York Post because you have no editor, no knowledge, and no accountability.
Given the impossibility of Manning getting unseated, the security of five returning offensive linemen and the winning attitude permeating the franchise, Carr hopes he can get himself right in a pressure-free and hospitable environment and then head elsewhere to reclaim a starting role.
If there was one part of this article that proved you have no idea about football, this was it. Your argument is, basically, that if he can hold a clipboard without dropping it or tripping over his own feet, it’s proof that he’s suddenly of starter quality? And New York is a “pressure-free and hospitable environment?” Personally, I’d like to know how you are still alive because breathing and walking at the same time must be terribly confusing for you.
One caveat: He first has to make the team.
But…but…but…it’s all the Texans’ fault!!!! By himself, Zoolander is a god! You’ve spent the entire article telling me so!
Carr missed the first handful of practices with a sore foot (plantar fasciitis) and watched while last year’s backup, Anthony Wright, hit the ground running.
Texans’ fault. And, once again, this sentence negates everything above. Your ability to self-contradict is awesome.
“He has been good in camp,” Coughlin said.
There you go again. He missed practice, but he looks good in camp. You are the one who inserted this quote, asshole, and you’d better be able to justify it.
Wright, 32, is in his 10th NFL season and a journeyman. If the Giants truly believed in him, they would not have signed Carr to a one-year deal. The No. 3 quarterback spot likely is reserved for rookie Andre’ Woodson.
Wow, you cited some facts and you didn’t fuck it up. Well done.
Despite his pedigree, Carr is no lock.
But you spent the first part of this article telling me how nothing was Carr’s fault. Ever.
This version is skinnier, has shaved off almost all his hair and certainly has been humbled.
Kick ass! We have found the keys to his world domination! If he wasn’t a dirty fucking hippie while he was with the Texans, he would’ve been good!
His offensive coordinator in Houston, Chris Palmer, is the Giants quarterback coach, which is a big plus.
Why? Because Palmer was so successful with him the first time around? Because Palmer has suddenly become the best QB coach in the history of man-kind? Why? Please tell me why this is good.
The question is whether the pummeling Carr has taken has turned him into a shell-shocked, jittery quarterback.
You really don’t know football, do you?
Asked to sum up his mentality with the protection-challenged Texans, Carr said “Survival, man, I was just trying to get back to my kids.”
And there you have it. If you had any reason to doubt David Carr’s class or Paul Schwartz’ reporting ability, it’s captured right there.
Mr. Schwartz, let me finish this post with one, simple message: If you are going to report on football, at least take the time to watch a game or two and learn about it. Otherwise, you’ll just post needless trash like this.
Oh, and FOAD.
Yours in Christ,
bfd
Saturday’s Moment of Zen
Jun 6, 2008 Darcy Maeda, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome
Yeah, it’s still Friday, so bite me.
This one courtesy of the lovely yet talented Jersey Bill:
I knew I liked the red Giants jersey best. I’m sure if Eli goes down that they won’t be able to keep these in stock at Modell’s or Dick’s.
Uhhhh, heheheeheh, Dick’s.
An Open Letter to David Carr
Mar 14, 2008 Anger, Blasphemy, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Open Letters, Ranting, Sandy Vag, Teams that aren't the Texans, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Dear Homo,
When you lost your job first to a 44-year-old QB and then to an undrafted rookie, I assumed we were done hearing from you. I mean, any QB with any fucking sense would just go away, but I suppose “any fucking sense” is giving you way too much credit. After all, if you’d had any fucking sense, you wouldn’t have spent half a decade scrambling into opposing rushers and working “Fetal Position Blue on 3″ into the playbook, right?
What I don’t get, though, is why you feel the need to continue saying shit that makes you seem borderline retarded. Because, really, it seems like every time you get a change of scenery, you say some kind of ignorant-ass thing that makes it seem like YOU are not the cause of your own problems. Which we both know is a goddamned lie.
Here…allow me to refresh your memory. When you got signed by Carolina [Author's note: Scoreboard, bitch.], you remarked:
As far as the talent on this team, it’s something I haven’t been around. It’s fun for me, just coming out here and playing with a group, both offensively and defensively, that has (so) much skill. […] If you’re not having fun, it’s going to be like what I had the last couple of years where you almost don’t even want to come to work.
How’d all that “talent” and “skill” work out for you, cockmouth? Oh…wait…that’s right.
Anyway, like I said, I thought we were officially done with you after you lost your job twice and posted a stellar 58.3 rating. At worst, I assumed you’d sign somewhere and quietly collect a paycheck from the sidelines, lest ye really make an ass of yourself. “No way,” I thought, “will he try to claim that his failures were due to BOTH of his teams not being good.”
I guess I underestimated your competitiveness douchebaggedness. How else do you explain this:
I have a lot of calluses, Carr said. I’m like an old carpenter[;] I’ve been through it. If you let that stuff affect you, you’re not going to be able to do your job. One of the reasons I’m excited about coming here is they protect the quarterback well and they have playmakers on the outside.
“Playmakers,” huh? Seriously? Have you taken so many dicks to the throat hits to the skull that you’ve forgotten about Andre Johnson catching 103 balls in 2006 and generally keeping you from looking even worse than you already did? Or about Steve Smith having success with every QB in Carolina last year except for you? Or abou– Hold up! Are you really saying that Plaxico Burress is better than Andre Johnson and Steve Smith? Fuck you, dude.
I know you are probably thinking this is just sour grapes on my part. That’s what asshole losers like you tend to claim when someone points out what an asshole loser you are. But it’s not sour grapes–we are well past that point. No, this is a genuine, unfettered missive of hatred. I went from just being glad you were gone to enjoying watching you fail to sincerely hating you with every fiber of my being, all in less than a year. I only take solace in the fact that pretty much everyone other than you, your wife, and your dad realize how much you fucking suck and, therefore, no one takes your comments to be much more than the insipid drivel they are.
I’ve got $10 that says you don’t see the field next year.
Yours in Christ,
Matt
P.S. I hope you have to watch your mother get sodomized by a pit bull. Twice.
Texans fans: The Giants luv you! {hugs}
Mar 11, 2008 2008 Draft, 2008 Season, Blasphemy, Broken Record, Casserly blows goats... I have proof, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, I really dig my readers, Non-Texan stuff, Pacman Jones' gunrack, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
This post is about four hours late this morning. Doesn’t my employer know that work time is blog time? DAMMIT! Anyway, work sucks today, so sorry for the delay.
The big news of the morning is, of course, that the New York Giants loves them some Mr. Mittens. The mere fact that the Giants want to keep Mittens in the news is proof that *the God of your choice* loves us and wants us to drink more rubbing alcohol beer! The danger is that Mittens actually beats the monstrous Jared Lorenzen (that’s Shake on the left), and Jared simply pops Carr into his mouth like the worm from a bad bottle of Mezcal. Obviously, our nation would grieve for days after the loss of someone of Mittens’ stature, but I don’t think Mittens has much of a chance of winning the backup job. (original link courtesy from profootballtalk.com)
If that isn’t enough to make you swoon, then how about signing Pacman Jones (again from PFT):
If Titans CB Pacman Jones is reinstated and traded to another team, the new team would be on the hook for base salaries of $1.29 million in 2008, $1.74 million in 2009, and $2.19 million in 2010.
Yeah, I am willing to take a chance with salaries like that, especially in lieu of our signing Petey Faggins, Jr. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that parts of the Texans nation are developing a nice little man-crush on Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie (ADF, Matt, me, I’m looking at you). Sadly, I don’t think he’ll be there for #18, and it looks like the Ravens are zeroing in on Leodis McKelvin with their pick.
I’m neither inherently a risk-taker, nor am I risk averse. I am, however, optimistic that things would work for Pacman in Houston, but I’ve got nothing to base that on other than my formidable gut.
Finally, and a little off-topic, but it looks like the Stros’ Kaz Matsui has a little pain in the ass. This is ironic, of course, because watching him play this year will cause pain to all our asses.
Crap. Back to work. “Clean your windshield, sir?”
Open Thread for 3/6
Mar 6, 2008 2008 Season, Bud Adams is evil, Dancing With the 'Tards, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Free Agency, Fuck the Cowboys
I’ve been either super busy (voting and studying), ill, or helping take care of my super sick daughter since my post on Tuesday, so apologies for the Cone of Silence from my end. I’ve got a horribly busy day at my bill-paying job, so I’m going to make this an open thread for all the actions going on around foosball. And here’s a couple of links to get you started.
Greg Cote of the Miami Herald believes in GLOVE POWER!!! You know, if journalists were held to any kind of intellectual standards, he’d already be looking for a new job. Alas, the best we can do is laugh and point. (h/t Eric)
If you haven’t seen this by Steph, you are a liberal fascist communist who hates America, Cuba, and Xenu.
Assorted sources: The Texans will have or have had G Jake Scott, S Chris Crocker, DE Corey Smith, and C John Wade in for visits. Crocker would compete with CC Brown at SS, but more likely he’d be a backup for the Ladies Man and CC. Smith is quick but undersized and good on special teams, but I still think we’ll be looking for a long-term answer opposite Mario in the draft. Wade would be a backup at C and possibly G. For the right price, none of the last three guys would nauseate me, though I don’t think Smith would stick on the 47-man roster.
Scott, however, is intriguing. He’s an athletic G, average build (6′5″, 295 lbs), and only 27 for the season. This is the kind of player I get excited about. The Titans are also in on him, and it’d be nice to give Bud a kick in the nutz.
Open thread for all! Now, to go shake my money-maker.
Don’t forget to pack those gloves, Zoolander
Feb 11, 2008 2007 Season, Awesomeness, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Free Agency, Sandy Vag, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
I suppose I should take the high road, but that is clearly not my style. So file this under “Things That Continue To Make Me Laugh.”
CHARLOTTE – It’s time to begin trimming the fat from NFL rosters.
The Carolina Panthers, like other teams around the league, are free to begin releasing unwanted players Monday morning as the NFL waiver wire picks up. The cuts will come for various reasons – age, overall ineffectiveness, injury concerns and high salary cap figures.
After finishing 7-9 in 2007 and failing to make the playoffs for a second straight season, the Panthers are likely to see plenty of turnover. As owner Jerry Richardson said last month, the Panthers can’t afford to have a “ho-hum” off-season.
That means the team will be looking to make changes. And to make room for the new, the Panthers in many cases will have to part with the old.
And while the cuts won’t all come Monday – and, in fact, some may takes weeks or months to make as the team makes certain it has a replacement in place – you can bet the Panthers roster will look very different when they report to training camp in July.
That said, here are a number of players who should be a little concerned with their job security over the off-season:
QB David Carr
Reasons to cut him: Carr looked frightened in the pocket and his teammates quickly lost all confidence in him. By the end of the season coach John Fox was even afraid to play Carr, demoting him to third string. With a cap figure of more than $4 million, keeping Carr would be, well… ludicrous.
Reasons to keep him: Can’t think of any.
My take: To me, this is easiest cut in franchise history. I would anticipate the team will waste little time parting with Carr.
Over/under on how long it takes before he starts blaming the players around him and suggesting that, had there been more talent, he would have succeeded?
A Fictitious Letter from Melody Carr
Nov 7, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Fake Conversations with Real People, Open Letters, She is pretty hot, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Dear DGDB&D,
I was doing my monthly Google search for stories for my scrapbook about my husband, David Carr, and I came across your blog. I have to say that it is the most vile, disgusting, worthless piece of trash I have ever seen. You call yourself a blogger, but all you really are is a total fucking jerk.
What did David ever do to you? He might not have been the greatest quarterback the city of Houston had ever seen, but he has HEART, dammit. Besides, there is a lot of pressure when you are the number 1 overall pick, and he never hid from the pressure. I mean, ok, he was usually the last to arrive and the first to leave, and we never had any teammates over the house for BBQs, and he relayed many messages through his dad, but other than that, he never avoided the pressure and the spotlight.
Yet, instead of pointing that out, you call him Zoolander and make fun of his gorgeous hair? Oh, that’s brilliant. Newsflash, dickweed: not everyone who looks like a male model is dumb and vain. Some of them are just hard working guys who love their parents and family more and who happen to like the feel of supple cowhide on their hands while they are playing sports. Is that so wrong???
David is a wonderful person and a great husband, and a big reason for that is that he’s sensitive and emotional. When I showed him your worthless blog, he could have gotten angry and tried to find your address and came and kicked your sorry ass (as I suggested), but he didn’t. Instead, he went and locked himself in my powder room and started weeping. Sure, it took me almost an hour to get him to stop crying, and sure he might have threatened to shave his head, and, yes, there was a long discussion as to whether the Panther uniform makes him look fat, but all of that’s ok by me; most guys are afraid to show that kind of sensitivity. YOU certainly haven’t shown any to anyone, except that you are a grade-A asshole.
While all that other stuff is important, the main reason I am writing you is because of these fake conversations between David and Coach Fox? Boy, you have some nerve. There is no way Coach Fox would be touching himself inappropriately in his office. And he would NEVER attack Vinnie just to get David hurt. Coach Fox loves David–he says all the time that he is so happy David because now he doesn’t have to worry about his nieces getting pregnant. What’s next? Are you going to suggest that David hates Matt Moore because Matt went to Oregon State and David is scared of beavers? Well, let me just tell you right now, Mr. Blogger, David is most definitely not scared of beavers. He loves beavers. He pounds my beaver HARDCORE! (No, he doesn’t do it often, and he normally happens to be really drunk, and it’s usually right after he’s watched Brokeback Mountain or a Clay Aiken video, but still.) You just sit in your mom’s basement wishing you could be an NFL QB and get all the beaver David could get. If he wanted it.
In short, eat my ass, you fucking turdgoblin.
Yours in Christ,
Melody
P.S. All that stuff you said about David’s dad? Totally true. Even I can’t stand that cocksucker.
Albert Haynesworth smash puny human. AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
Nov 5, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Fake Conversations with Real People, I guess this storyline has run its course...or has it?, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Sunday, November 4, 3:15PM EST
Vinnie Testaverde: (to Matt Moore, on the bench) Yeah, so no shit, I’m sitting there in his office, in the dark, and he grabs my fucking foot and just starts twisting. It was the weirde–
John Fox: OH MY GOD!!! HELL YES!!!!
Testaverde: What the?
Fox: (running at Testaverde) Did you see that?!?! Did you fucking see that?!?! Holy sweet Jesus in Heaven, he’s down. He’s down and he’s not getting up and I’m happier than a whore with negative AIDS test!!!
Testaverde: Sir, I don’t think you shou–
Fox: I told you, Vincent!!! I fucking told you my plan would work!!! Didn’t I say Albert Haynesworth was going to fuck Captain Gayness up three ways from Sunday?!?! Didn’t I???
Testaverde: Yes, but–
Fox: And now look!!!
(Assistant coach approaches, whispers in Fox’s ear) What? Oh. Yeah. What’s that kid’s name? Whatever…just tell him to get in the game.
(grabs Testaverde and gestures toward the field) Look out there, Vincent! Look at his glossy eyes. Look at the drool. Fucking marvel at the lack of equilibrium. That is beautiful, Vincent. Bee-ooo-teee-ful! I’ve actually got a chubby right now, no foolin’.
Testaverde: Sir, I just don’t want to be a part of this. It seems–
Fox: What!? What does it seem, Vincent?! Because, from where I am standing, it seems like God himself reached down and thumped that mittened fuckwit in the skull with his Almighty golden forefinger. It’s a goddamned miracle!!! Look at him, Vincent. He can’t even stand. To hell with my wife and kids; this is the single greatest day of my life!
(Fox runs over to where David Carr is being tended to on the sideline)
Carr: I can’t with the throw glove mitten man kisses. Sack time hurt oww! Aiiieeeieee! Big big Albert big crushy smash. Purple.
Fox: Oh, this is fantastic! He’s nuttier than squirrel turds! I want do some goddamned cartwheels!!!
(flipping Carr off) How many fingers am I holding up? HA! You don’t know, do you?! I’m holding up ONE, because FUCK YOU, NANCY!!!
With apologies to Johnny Cash
Sep 14, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Idiot Karaoke, Inanity, Teams that aren't the Texans
I Blame The Line
by: David Carr
I keep a close watch on my offensive line
Lest they let someone hit me from behind
They buy me three seconds, they know that I need nine
The fault’s not mine
I blame the line
Other teams find it easy to beat us
So in fear I curl up like a fetus
Don’t try to blame those four picks on me because
The fault’s not mine
I blame the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light
Daddy swears I’m doing everything right
And he should know, since he’s always within sight
That the fault’s not mine
He blames the line
The humidity in Houston wrecks my hair
But my teammates, they seem not to care
That I need thirty seconds when I’m back there
See, the fault’s not mine
I blame the line
I still think I’ll make the Hall of Fame
Then people won’t spit when they say my name
In Carolina, that’s where I’ll stake my claim
(Unless I find
I need to blame the line)
I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You’ve done nothing! NOTHING!
Sep 13, 2007 2007 Season, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Teams that aren't the Texans
I am not ignoring the “David Carr facing his old team” angle of this week’s game. I’m aware the story is out there and that the Chronicle seems to think Zoolander took more knowledge with him than he bothered to display while in Houston, but I just don’t have a lot to say about it.
Thankfully, Tim does.
On behalf of Houston fans, allow me to offer our sincere apology. We’re truly sorry that the situation “just got so big,” David. Unreasonable expectations, such as a .500 record within (5) years and/or a QB who is better known for his play than his hair, sure can be a pain.
[...]
And while his worth ethic, leadership, and performance have thus far proven to be everything you weren’t, we haven’t forgotten you, Dave. Every time we purchase a bottle of mousse, or get a spray tan, or watch an infant or a puppy curl up as if it was still in its mother’s womb, we will think of you.
Awesome. And it only gets better in the accompanying diary.
Zoolander: But it’s not over. A defender may have already gotten some penetration into the…wait, who am I kidding? This is the Texans offensive line! Of course the D will have gotten back there! You know, that’s why I’m not still in Houston, Foxy. The Texans never protected me.
Fox (speechless):…
Zoolander: Anyhooo…if there’s a defender within five yards of that SOB #8, he’ll go to his third option–the fetal position.
Fox: WHAT THE…!
Zoolander: Yup. He’ll curl up and fall down. I used to imagine that I was back in my daddy’s womb, where it was always so safe and warm and…
In other news, I am actually starting to look forward to this game. Considering the Panthers have good corners and a pass rush, this should be the perfect test for the Texans v. 2.0 offense, as we’ll actually have to manufacture some drives. (Something that we are not used to seeing between September and December.) Should be close.
Also, if anyone can find a link to the stats that Eric Kuselias (or it might have been John Seibel) was talking about yesterday regarding the importance of week 1 games, I would greatly appreciate it.
"Water is wet," and other observations by D. Carr
Aug 28, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Inanity, Teams that aren't the Texans
Reader Jersey Bill sends along this story of Zoolander being hobbled by a …wait for it… broken pinkie toe.
‘I’m limping around a little bit; broken toes will do that to you [Author's note: Thank you, Captain Obvious.], but we’ll be alright,’ Carr said after hobbling through Sunday’s practice.’You really don’t need it ; it’s just kind of in the way. I’ve been trying to get rid of it all week, but it doesn’t seem like it wants to go away.’
You don’t need what? The injury? Well, no shit. The pinky toe? Actually, I’m pretty sure you do need that. The weird-ass black glove on your throwing hand? Agreed!
And, yes, the only reason I posted this story was to link to the picture of him with the black glove and glorious, flowing locks.
Ain’t it just like a friend of mine to hit me from behind
Aug 6, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Preview, Sandy Vag, Super Mario, Teams that aren't the Texans
Considering I have never been there, I have a surprising number of friends who either hail from or currently reside in North Carolina. Nearly every one of them has given me some form of the “I think David Carr is going to be great in Carolina” spiel. I pointed out tiny little things like how he was told not to try to read defenses because he wasn’t good at it, or that he throws like a ninny, or that he caused many of his own protection problems by refusing to get rid of the ball, but they–for the most part–ignored me.
I found this simultaneously funny and grating. And I assumed all Panthers fans were in agreement that Zoolander was going to lead them to the promised land.
Thankfully, reader Dan sent along this blurb from one more sensible Panthers fan:
It’s very obvious that Delhomme is our starter and the better QB by far from any of them out there. Anyone who thinks Carr should start needs to get to TC and just watch him. Overthrowing, underthrowing, fumble (Carr getting Shelton the ball late), dancing feet – ugh!! He needs to step up or settle down or something. He is most definitely a project, didn’t look like he’s been playing for 5 years. He has a “wind up” to his throw that reminds me of a pitcher’s short wind up but he does throw it hard. Did see him, also, just “toss” it with his wrist and it was still thrown hard.
I think Basinez did better than Carr or Bell. Heck, Bell was better than Carr.
Anytime Smitty was out there, every one of the 4 QBs only looked at him and only threw to him. I certainly hope that changes by the end of TC. If he wasn’t out there, they all read through their progressions.
Ahh… a voice of reason, blowing in from the East. Not that I care, really; if they want to bench a QB who took them to the Super Bowl in favor of a retread who doesn’t know the meaning of “read through a progression,” that’s fine with me. I just hope they do it before week 2, so we can benefit.
UPDATE: Reader Jersey Bill sends this link to a video on the Charlotte Observer’s website along with this comment: “You have got to be fucking kidding me that Carr would double-pump during a training camp drill. He will never get it.”
Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?
Aug 2, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Inanity, Sandy Vag
Meanwhile, back in Spartanburg, SC…
By bringing in Zoolander, the Panthers managed to find the one QB in the NFL with an uglier throwing motion than Cajun Jake. Of course, that doesn’t worry the Panthers. Oh no. They think it’s a laugh riot when Sandy drops back to pass.
Kids, cover your eyes.
‘We look like two guys who are just out of the freaking boat, just swinging out there,’ Carr conceded Wednesday.
Ok, first, I have no idea what Carr’s quote means. Off of what boat? Swinging what? Second, “Kids, cover your eyes” accurately describes the David Carr Experience. In total. Enjoy.
The article continues
Carr, who signed a free-agent deal in April, said one thing he enjoys about being with the Panthers is that quarterbacks coach Mike McCoy hasn’t tried to mess with his throwing motion, as the Texans’ coaches did.
Just a hunch, but that could be because you are the backup QB. I seriously doubt if Capers or Kubiak were spending a lot of time worrying about the deliveries of Dave Ragone or Sage Rosenfels. Then again, neither of them throws like Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds, so who knows.
Sandy again talked about this hot topic with the media following Wednesday’s practice. We have obtained the unedited copy of the quote.
On how he developed his unorthodox throwing style: I started when I was 12 and it just kept on working [until I got to the NFL]. It wasn’t until I got into the NFL did they really start to talk about it[, saying things like "Jesus Christ, why are you throwing like a cripple?!"]. Here, they just let me worry about other things [like holding the clipboard and making sure my hair is perfect]. That’s what’s great about Mike[; he lets me hold the clipboard with either hand]. We work on footwork drills and things like putting arc on the ball, but not the actual mechanics of me throwing the football. [We tried working on mechanics at first, but he mumbled something about "hopeless lost cause" and quit.] I can’t tell you what a relief it is for Mike to just let me go out there and play ball [in my comfy red jersey, where I am safe from the bad men]. It’s been nice, man[, collecting a paycheck without doing anything productive; it's a lot like it was in Houston]. Real nice.
A horse is a horse, of course of couse
Jul 25, 2007 Barbaro is dead, Charles Spencer, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Injury bug, Preview, The Schaub Experiment
Well, it’s official. Charles Spencer will begin the season on the Physically Unable to Perform list, meaning he will miss (at minimum) the first six games of the 2007 campaign.
Damn. Double damn, even.
Now, I’ve spent the last 3 months harping on how our line was not that bad last year, despite not having Barbaro, as well as Mike Flanagan and the since-departed Zack Weigert. And, it’s true, many of the sacks of David Carr were created by none other than David Carr–a problem that we won’t face this year. And it’s fair to say that Salaam did a decent job filling in last year, though allowing 7.5 sacks is not exactly what I would call All-Pro caliber.
So, no, all is not lost.
Still, I was hoping Spencer would be ready to go if for no other reason than I wanted the full varsity line intact when Schaub slides under Flanagan’s butt for the first time against the Chiefs. Then again, by having basically the same line that Carr ended last season with, maybe fate has lined up so Schaub will still succeed and we can say “See?! I told you Carr was responsible!” That would be nice.
On the flip side, going against Julius Peppers with Ephraim Salaam scares me. A lot.
Anyway, I’m just rambling at this point. Spencer on PUP list. Matt not happy about it. The circle of life is complete.
Blue Steel
Jul 18, 2007 Awesomeness, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, T-shirts, Teams that aren't the Texans
It’s rare that another blogger does something so cool for me that I feel the need to mention it. And, by “it’s rare,” I mean “it has never happened before.” Today, that changed.
Stephanie Stradley, aka Texans Chick, procured for me tickets to the Saturday morning and afternoon and the Sunday morning practices for camp’s opening weekend. So, it looks like I shall be in the heezy (fo’ sheezy).
But, that wasn’t her only piece of awesomeness today. Oh, no. She also sent along this link. Which, you may rest assured, will be turned into a t-shirt as soon as I finish this post.
(Speaking of t-shirts, I’m picking up the bar tab for the first person I see wearing one of the DGDB&D shirts. Offer void in Rhode Island and where prohibited by law.)
Darcy Maeda strikes again!
Jul 18, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Self-Referential Stuff, Shameless begging, T-shirts
If you are the observant type, you might notice that down near the bottom, over on the right side, is a section entitled “DGDB&D Gear.” And, though it’s a little hard to see in that thumbnail, you might also notice a certain, slightly famous photo available on a t-shirt.
If you click on that shirt, there are a couple others available, too.
I suppose I should mention that I am not doing this to make money. (In fact, that store is set up at 0% commission, so that I don’t make a single dime on any of them, that you might get them as cheaply as possible.) I am doing this because (a) that picture makes me laugh and (b) I think the thought of someone wearing a DGDB&D t-shirt is beyond awesome. You know… someone other than me.
‘Til you top the superbowl, keep your mouth on lock
Jul 15, 2007 Andre Johnson, Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, DeMeco Ryans, Fred Weary is dirty, Offensive (punch)Line, Preview, Super Mario
I was going to apologize for the lack of posting around here over the past few days. Then I remembered that there is nothing to post about, so you would be getting rehashed arguments and recycled jokes.
However, now that the weekend is over and I am back at work, I have to find something to do to keep myself busy. Enter the STATS, Inc. database. My goal–to find ten stats from last season that should make us look forward to the upcoming season.
- Eric Winston was only charged with 2 sacks allowed last season. As a rookie. In 12 games. That’s a-nice.
- Of David Carr’s 140 incompletions, only 16 were due to dropped passes, while 30 were due to bad throws and 19 were hit at the line. This is one of the lowest percentage of dropped passes in the league and suggests to me that–just as we’ve all said–many of Sandy Vag’s problems were of his own making.
- DeMeco Ryans was eerily consistent last year. 75 tackles at home, 81 away. 73 in the first half of games, 83 in the second half. 37 on the left side of the field, 38 on the right.
- Andre Johnson caught 62.8% of the balls thrown at him. By way of comparison, Marvin Harrison caught 64.2%, Torry Holt caught 52%, and Chad Johnson caught 57.2%. Now, granted, all of them had a higher first down percentage, but that should come up for Andre as the offense becomes accustomed to a QB who actually looks downfield.
- Morlon Greenwood was noticeably better in the second half of the season, posting 66 of his 110 tackles, all of his FFs and PDs, and his lone INT. He’s also Jamaican, which cracks me up for some reason.
- Owen Daniels owned the Titans, going off for 11 catches, 124 yds, and 2 TDs against them. (That’s “owned” by TE standards.) I’m setting his over/under against them this year at 16 catches.
- Fred Weary had only 4 penalties and 3 sacks allowed. Combine that with Eric Winston’s production and I think it’s fair to say our right said could be one of the best in football this year. Fred also enjoys swingers clubs, which is both hilarious and frightening.
- Ahman Green averaged 5.4 YPC against the AFC last season, compared to 3.5 against the NFC. Now, he gets to rush against the Titans and Colts twice instead of the Vikings and Bears twice. That is a good thing.
- Anthony Maddox was statistically almost twice as good in December as he was in October. Instead of struggling to get into football shape, he seemingly became stronger and better each week.
- Sage Rosenfels was sacked once in 40 attempts. I’m pretty sure he was playing with the same line the other QB was. Just sayin’.
T-minus 10 days until camp. (I feel like a little kid at Christmas. But without the fear that I will again walk in on my mom tongue-bathing Santa.)
ESPN to Texans fans: Suck it.
Jul 14, 2007 Broken Record, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Preview, Reggie Bush
On the ESPN NFL page as of this moment, we have the following:
David Carr was just too smart for the Texans and now he’s free to think his way to greatness. The author does not broach the subject of Carr having sand in his vagina.
Scouts, Inc., ranks the Texans QB corps as 25th best, RB corps as 28th, O-line as 30th, WR corps as 26th, and the TEs as 20th. The O-line ranking is based (in large part) on the expected contribution of Jordan Black, who may not even start. Nicely done, nerds.
Christopher Harris thinks that none of the Texans–including Andre–are worth owning from a fantasy perspective. He also mentions Reggie Bush FIVE times in the opening, before he ever gets to any fantasy analysis.
Looking around, aside from anal ventriloquist Bucky Brooks’ take on pre-camp questions for each team at SI.com, none of the major sports outlets seem to have anything really Texans-centric.
While I enjoy TWWL’s Texans-hate as much as the next guy, there is only so much I care to write about it. I need camp to start. Like, now.
Anthony Maddox got me a sweet deal on this sofa
Jul 10, 2007 2007 Draft, Amobi Okoye is 20, Athletes who don't stab people, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Gary Kubiak, Posts that list too many players, Preview, Super Mario
Filed under “Betcha ESPN never mentioned this,” over the last eleven games of last season, the Houston Texans had a top-10 defense.
Now, before the negative types in the audience say anything, yes, I know the whole “if you remove all the bad, of course they were good” rebuttal. But, however true that argument is in other situations, it misses the huge underlying point here.
Last season, Kubiak took a 3-4 defense and transmogrified it into a 4-3. Considering the struggles of the 3-4 in 2005, especially against the run, one would have expected some struggles with the change in scheme. And struggle they did for the first six games.
Week 1. McNabb throws for 314 and 3 TDs, the Eagles rush for 130, and Houston loses 24-10.
Week 2. Mrs. Chesney throws for 400 and 3 TDs, the Colts rush for 125, and Houston loses 43-24.
Week 3. Brunell throws for 261 and 1 TD (and sets the consecutive completion record), the Redskins rush for 234, and Houston loses 31-15.
Week 4. Culpepper throws for 249 and 1 TD, the Dolphins rush for 70, and Houston squeaks out a 17-15 win.
Week 6. The Cowboys threw for 203 and 3 TDs, rushed for 170, and beat Houston 34-6.
Now, the conventional explanation for why this D struggled out of the gate was because it was attempting to fit square 3-4 pegs into round 4-3 holes. This sounds good, but isn’t completely true. Jason Babin, Travis Johnson, and Seth Payne were the only DL remnants (with Babin technically a LB in ‘05) from the 2005 season on the 2006 roster.
A more accurate reason is that the defense was almost completely new, not only in terms of scheme, but also in terms of personnel. Two-thirds of the starting DL from 2005 (Robaire Smith and Gary Walker) were missing from the ‘06 team. Meaning you had Travis Johnson and rookie Mario Williams thrust into a starting roles, Anthony Weaver starting at DE without the support of the Ravens’ D all around him, and a revolving door at the other DT position that started with Seth Payne and ended with someone who was delivering furniture a few weeks before he suited up.
Right behind those guys, you had a rookie MLB replacing both Antwan Peek and DaShon Polk, and a SLB (Orr) with only one full season and 59 career tackles. In fact, one could argue that the WLB Greenwood was the only member of the front seven who was a proven performer in the 4-3 (having played it in Miami).
Looking at all of that, not struggling would have been surprising. Yet, something happened on the way to the cellar–this group of guys gelled, the system clicked, and the defense became good. Their 300.1 YPG in the last ten games would have ranked 8th over the course of the whole season. Compared to other teams over the same span, that average also ranked the Texans in the top 10 in the NFL.
That a team so comprised would struggle out of the gate with such a switch is almost expected. That the same team would pick up the new system so well in five games so as to be one of the league’s best defenses over the last 10 games of the season is wholly unexpected. That a team would rise to that level despite having an injured RDE, uninspiring play from DT, and a ‘tweener at LDE is unheard of.
Along with David Carr packing his sandy vagina and moving to BBQ Hell,1 the development of the defense over the course of last season is one of the most exciting things about this upcoming year. After all, the team went out and improved the defensive line by bringing in Manchild and relegating Travis Johnson to the bench.2 DeMeco is another year older. Mario is healthy and has been working on his technique. Anthony Maddox is not beginning the season as a Rent-A-Center associate. Shawn Barber and Danny Clark were brought in to provide depth at linebacker (and possibly challenge for a starting spot). And on, and on, and on it goes. With the way this unit finished last season, if the pass coverage can just be passably decent (or if, by some sort of divine intervention, Petey Faggins becomes WAY better during camp), this side of the ball could be one of the best in football.
[Author's note: Tip of the cap to Stephanie whose post here gave me the idea for this one.]
1 Also known as “North Carolina.”
2 I fail to even pretend that Okoye will not be better than Bust Johnson.
