DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Back among the living. As noted here and elsewhere, the list of the dearly departed will be read in a solemn service on Texans TV at 3:30 CST today.  In that vein, here’s my predicted roster (based on the roster makeup of the past few seasons):

QB: Matt Schaub, Sage Rosenfels
RB: Ahman Green, Steve Slaton, Vonta Leach, Chris Taylor, Darius Walker¹
WR: Andre Johnson, Kevin Walter, Andre Davis, Jacoby Jones, David Anderson
TE: Owen Daniels, Mark Bruener, Joel Dreessen
OL: Eric Winston, Kasey Studdard, Mike Brisiel, Chester Pitts, Duane Brown, Chris Myers, Chris White, Ephraim Salaam, Brandon Frye, Greg Eslinger²

DL: Mario Williams, Travis Johnson, Amobi Okoye, Anthony Weaver, Frank Okam, Earl Cochran, Tim Bulman, Deljuan Robinson, Rosevelt Colvin³, Gabe Long
LB: DeMeco Ryans, Zac Diles, Morlon Greenwood, Xavier Adibi, Kevin Bentley, Chaun Thompson⁴
CB: Fred Bennett, Jacques Reeves, Antwaun Molden, Jamar Fletcher, Petey Faggins⁵
S: Will Demps, Glenn Earl, Brandon Harrison⁶, C.C. Brown

P: Matt Turk
K: Kris Brown
LS: Brian Pittman⁷

¹I think the carrying of three TEs rather than four, plus the inherent brittleness of Ahman Green might save Darius Walker’s job.

²I would not be the least bit surprised if Rashad Butler got Eslinger’s spot.

³Could EASILY wind up being Kalu rather than Colvin, given the latter’s “play” this preseason, but I think they’ll give Rosey a chance in the regular season.

⁴I’m actually bummed about losing Ben Moffit and Kevis Coley, but I am guessing at least one gets on the PS.  Also…I…I…um…Morlon…well, you know.

⁵SHIT.

⁶Dominique Barber to PS.

⁷Seriously, Bulman and Dreessen can long snap.  Why is Bryan Pittman eating up space?

Why hast thou forsaken me? Speaking of Petey fucking Faggins, I’m beginning to suspect he has made a deal with the devil or something.  After all, how do you explain his inspired (for him) first half?

BFD offered to tutor her in fluid dynamics, but she declined.  Strange-but-true fact—Texans Cheerleader Summer is an aerospace engineer for NASA.

At least judging by the answers he gave in the Houston Texans 2008 Official Yearbook, he is.  All of the draftees were asked some get-to-know-you questions. Here are the answers:

If I were not a football player, I would be:

Duane Brown: A basketball player. I love basketball. I had a couple of offers from smaller schools coming out of high school. Every chance I get, I try to get out there and run around a little bit on the court.

Antwaun Molden: A motivational speaker. I love giving back to the community. When I grew up, I never had that figure, that role model in my life. So I know how important it is for kids to have that positive figure in their lives.

Steve Slaton: A chef. I like to cook.

Xavier Adibi: A basketball player. I played a lot as a kid.

Frank Okam: A chef. I really like to cook. I like to try different things in the kitchen. I started at a very early age, so I can say it’s probably one of my talents.

Dominique Barber: A hockey player. I grew up playing hockey since I was [a] little kid, two years old, just like football.

Alex Brink: Probably in school still, studying, trying to get my MBA.

When I’m not at work, I’m most often:

Brown: Playing video games — Madden or NBA 2k8. It’s just something me and my friends always get a kick out of — heated rivalries.

Molden: Reading on stocks. I read Benjamin Graham, Warren Buffett. I’ve been doing it for a year-and-a-half [sic] now.

Slaton: Usually listening to music.

Adibi: Playing Xbox — NBA 2k8 and Madden.

Okam: Sleeping, especially on this level, I get a lot of rest. But if I’m doing something, I like to be around people. I’m a people person, and that’s important to me.

Barber: Watching hockey, trying to fish or trying to golf.

Favorite all-time song:

Brown: I’d say “The World Is Yours,” by Nas.

Slaton: I don’t know about all-time, but right now it’s Mary J. Blige and Jay-Z, “You’re Welcome.”

Adibi: Sam Cooke, “Long Time Coming (A Change Is Gonna Come).”

Barber: I would say “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough,” Temptations. [Ed. note: I wonder if he actually means the original version by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell or the later cover done by the Supremes and Temptations? Because the former is MUCH better.]

Brink: I would probably have to say Eminem, “Lose Yourself.”

Favorite non-football sports moment:

Molden: In 2003, we won a national championship in 2003 at NC State in the Adidas National Championship.

Slaton: I ran track in high school, and we did really well in the Penn Relays.

Adibi: My first dunk in a high school game. I was in the ninth grade. Everybody just went crazy.

Barber: Going to the state high school hockey tournament my senior year, just being at the Excel Energy Center where the Minnesota Wild play. It was a memorable moment for me.

Brink: My senior year of high school, I was all state in baseball. Baseball was my favorite sport, so it was awesome to get a little recognition there. I thought about playing in college but didn’t end up doing it because I was in a quarterback battle for like three springs in a row, so I didn’t have time.

Favorite cartoon as a kid:

Brown: “Scooby Doo.”

Molden: I would definitely have to say “Ninja Turtles.”

Slaton: “The Angry Beavers.”

Adibi: “X-Men.”

Okam: Probably sounds a little corny, but it was “Darkwing Duck.”

Barber: “Alvin and the Chipmunks.” Absolutely.

Brink: “Duck Tales.”

What actor would play you in a movie about your life?

Adibi: Will Smith. He just reminds me of myself, you know: tall, handsome…

Okam: Probably Michael Clarke Duncan. Everybody tells me I look like the guy from “The Green Mile,” so it’d have to be somebody pretty big.

Brink: I don’t know…Matthew McConaughey maybe. I think he’s a good actor.

Favorite guity pleasure:

Brown: Cheesecake. I love cheesecake.

Molden: I used to play a lot of video games in high school. I definitely grew out of that now, though. I haven’t picked up a controller in three or four years.

Slaton: Eating cake.

Adibi: I ate a lot of Snickers when I was growing up.

Barber: Cold Stone ice cream. When you can get the whole mixture of my favorite candy, Kit Kat, Snickers…it’s bad.

Brink: My mom’s chocolate chip cookies. No doubt.

Special talents:

Brown: I play the alto saxophone. I started playing that in sixth grade, so I went about eight years straight. I haven’t played in a while, though.

Slaton: Not many people know that I am a really good cook.

Brink: None. I’m very one-dimensional.

Ideal SportsCenter highlight:

Brown: I would just say become tackle eligible or something like that in the red zone, get the ball in my hands somehow and score a touchdown. That’d be my ultimate SportsCenter moment.

Molden: My perfect SportsCenter highlight would be after the Pro Bowl, on ESPN after a great Pro Bowl performance, one of the cast asking me, “What were you thinking on this play when you took an interception to the ouse in the Pro Bowl?” [Ed. note: The Pro Bowl?  Weak.]

Slaton: The first time I touch the ball in the regular season, I take it all the way for a touchdown.

Adibi: Maybe just running through a quarterback’s back and him fumbling, me picking it up and going to the end zone with it.

Okam: You know, it’d probably be a game to clinch going to the playoffs against the Titans and being able to sack Vince Young and cause a fumble and return it for a touchdown. Playing with him at Texas, you never got to touch him because we’ve got that quarterback ruleor whaever,so if I ever get a chance to do that, I’l tell him, “This is what I would’ve been doing to you all those years in college.” [Ed. Note: I didn't think it was possible, but I love Big Frank's selection even more after this answer.]

Barber: I would say a pick to te house, an interception to the house vrsus the Cowboys with my brother (Cowboys RB Marion Barber III) chasing me.

Brink: I would be running for a touchdown and I’d probably be leaping over somebody at the pylonlike Reggie Bush. That would be my ultimate highlight.

Once again, Matt graces Deadspin with a Houston Texans preview, and he set the bar pretty damn high.

OK, Matt, I did it.  Can I have my puppy back now?

HoustonProFootball is back. Well, sorta.  If you are like me, in addition to running blog that will eventually bring shame to the next three generations of your family, you used to rely upon HoustonProFootball.com’s estimated salary cap figures.  When they closed-up shop, as it were, I assumed that we were just hosed when it came to having all those numbers in one place again.  But fear not!  Keith is back with …In The Bullseye.com, and it features the cap numbers as well quality posts about our favorite football team.

“…Mr Smith, Blair Thomas Lite is on line 2…”.  There’s a rumor floating around the internets — OK, it’s floating over from TT.com, with little in the way of attribution, so take it with however much salt you fancy — that Cedric Benson might sign with the Texans. I really, REALLY hope this is all a hoax.  First, I have a slightly-irrational hatred of Benson that I will not apologize for.  Second, though, and more importantly, Benson sucks.  Like, really sucks.  I know the idea of “well, he played with some turds in Chicago,” but that’s the same type of thing Carolina fans were telling themselves when they signed Zoolander Q. Hairdo and we saw how that panned out.  Third, Benson is not a character guy in the least and has a reputation as a lockerroom tumor.  So…yeah…just say “No,” Rick.

Leaders are not born, nor are they made; they are appointed by the internet. Typical offseason fluff article from New Era Scouting about some “no name” guys who are important to their respective teams.  Chris Myers makes an appearance.  Now, I certainly have no beef with the idea that he was acquired for great value OR that he is a very good center, despite measuring poorly.  I do hesitate, however, at the idea that his leadership of the O-line cannot be overstated.  Could we let him, you know, PLAY a game before we crown him King Shit of Fuck Mountain?

So…you’re saying there’s a chance?! If you are not a season-ticket holder and you have any dreams of going to the Monday Night game (or the December Titans game), you have to enter a lottery at HT.com.  Note, they are only drawing for the “chance to buy tickets if any are available,” so I wouldn’t hold your breath.

So, you’re saying we’re not the only ones who noticed? Great post on Mario Williams v. Bush and Young, including some potshots at Lil’ Dickie Justice, age 12, and Bill Simmons.  Oh, and Dr. Z, who I am reasonably sure is not really a doctor.  Money quote: “In a league that has been called modern day gladiator combat, isn’t having the most physically dominating gladiator worth something more than constant derision?”  (H/T Eric)

Sticking with Mario.  As a counter-point to last week’s David Carr pictures (which, by the way, never stop being funny), Mario Williams illustrates how to be awesome.  1. Arrive in Hummer stretch limo.  2. Dress like a normal human.  3. Rock a watch that costs more than most cars.  4. Ignore the small white man who is groping your bicep.

Yes, please! Finally, because I can’t find much news this morning, here are your Houston Texans cheerleaders to dance us on out of this post:

This past Saturday, this blog’s first birthday came and went with barely any mention on my part. I am a bad blogparent, I suppose. It’s not that we didn’t realize it was coming; hell, BFD and I tried to come up with some kind of cool promotion/blowout/shameless whoring that would excite all the readers. There was even talk of him table dancing while dressed like Darcy Maeda.Alas, none of it came to pass. We are nothing if not busy. And lazy. Mainly lazy, really.

ANYWAY…I didn’t want to completely miss the chance to say “thanks” to all the readers who have stopped by over the first year. We ended Saturday at just over 85,000 hits–even if you discount the two hits per day I put on that counter (work and home), that is still damn impressive for a little potty-mouthed blog with almost no promotion.

But enough tooting my own horn (which sounds dirty, but isn’t). The point of this post is to thank all of you who read DGDB&D on a daily basis. An extra-special thanks goes out to those of you who have cut-and-paste stuff we’ve written here on other websites and credited us for it and to those of you who email us stories/blurbs/bizarre conversation ideas regularly.

I know I’ve said it before, but allow me to say it again. My biggest thrill from this thing isn’t getting any sort of recognition from national media. I’ll take word of mouth and people who comment regularly over that other stuff any day. You guys are the reason we keep writing and, thankfully, the reason we strive to put out good product any time we post. There is no better editor alive than thirty or forty intelligent commenters who will straight call you out when you are off-base.

Enough of this sappiness. We now return you to your regularly scheduled curse words, already in progress.

I’m feeling a little sappy tonight, so bear with me. First, a shout out to Liston and hope he’s doing well (and toast should always be eaten above the head, when possible). I’d take Liston over about 99% of professional comedy writers. Secondly, total thanks to Eric for doing the leg work on this post.

We’re now a couple of days post-draft hangover (a vicious Zima hangover, if you’re Tim). I’ve already given my take on the draft, so let’s take a tour around the rest of the delightful internetz and get some opinions from the “experts’ on how the Texans performed (and, by “opinions,” remember that if they don’t match ours, they are wrong. Of course.).

Let’s start with the scorched earth version of Emily Post, Texans blogger Steph Stradley. With her harsh, septic take on life, you knew there was no way she could be complimentary of the Texans. She proved this by giving a completely unfair B/incomplete. Perhaps, one day, she will come to embrace life. For now, I just hope Kubiak wasn’t within back-hand distance when Duane Brown’s name was called (You know, after re-reading this paragraph, I think I’m a little bitter about not being invited to this. Steph, this situation at least calls for some in-depth probing. And I promise: it won’t take long at all.).

Dr. Z is one of the few mass media types I enjoy because he’s not afraid to get technical with his audience (why, yes, I adore Ron Jaworski). This is what he said:

Houston Texans: So their venture into the O-line arena in the first round nets them a finesse guy, Duane Brown, after they traded down eight places. What I’ve always felt about this team is that linemen should be brought in by the truckload, not on little tippy toes.

The grammar channeling of a Chron writer aside, I think he sums up well some of my concerns about Brown. He didn’t give a grade, per se, but it wouldn’t be too pretty.

The hair-opshere reference? Oh yeah, that’s gotta be all about Mel Kiper. He gave us one of the worst grades, a “C”, but I don’t fully understand why from his write-up. Fortunately, Kiper has reached the point of that aunt of yours who knows every-little-fucking-thing in the world, but she earns minimum wage at the local car dealership answering phones. Or is that just my family?

ProFootballWeekly doesn’t hand out grades but seriously echoes of Dr. Z with their write-up. Personally, I think it’s a fair summary of our draft.

Jason Cole at Yahoo! Sports gives us a B, but he adds something I hadn’t seen before:

Okam, a former defensive tackle, is likely to shift to guard, a clever move by teams that realize that non-athletic DTs can make for cheap, athletic G’s.

I argue the part about Okam not being athletic, but this is a really interesting take. Evidently, Okam scored a 39 on the Wonderlic. which just kinda verifies what we already knew: he’s a smart MF. I’m not buying the G angle, but it’s something to consider. Props to Cole.

Finally, Gregg Rosenthal and Evan Silva at nbcsports.com give us a B-. They did give the Babyeating-Sisterfuckers a D+, so I think they put some thought behind it.

So, what can we learn from all these grades? Well, nothing. This exercise reminds me of some advice my father never gave me: opinions are like assholes, and yours stinks.

If there is a takeaway from this grade-wankery, it’s that there isn’t a ton of deviation between opinions. Duane Brown was a stretch and he’s a project. We got some bargains at the end of the draft. BFD + cheerleaders = more complimentary write ups. No surprises once you think about it.

Let me end on this. Mike Florio at PFT has a write-up about Kyle Shanahan and Reggie Bush. Now, aside from this sentence of stupidity:

So, basically, Shanahan thinks Bush is a third-down type player. Which is an accurate assessment of him now.

No. I call bullshit. I don’t know many people who actually thought he would be more than that. And the insinuation that Shanahan had anything to do with this pick, which is asinine beyond belief in the context of the 2006 draft, is just silly.

But the rest? Basically, even though we all know that Shanahan is Chris Simms’ bitch, I have a little place in my heart for him.

Edit: Completely remiss if I don’t add this must-read article by SOLIS on Super Steve Slaton.

So, what I want to know is, do you crush Chris Taylor and snort him? Or do you roll him and smoke him? Just curious.

Pancakes has a column up discussing his take on why the Texans won’t draft a RB in the first round. If you can get around the poor grammar and writing style (”really high?”), it’s basically because of Alex Gibbs and Chris Taylor. You know, thinking about the column, this is about the highest level of technical football I’ve seen him write. Then, of course, he spends most of the column self-fluffing. OK, enough bashing.

That the coaching staff is “really high” on Taylor isn’t really new news unto itself. They have been for a while, and Kubiak specifically wanted Taylor. I believe a healthy Taylor is why “Three Pies and a Cloud of Meringue” Dayne has not been re-signed (obviously a drastic blow to the Houston area House of Pies franchise). However, Taylor’s 4.54 40-yard isn’t exactly top-of-the-line, and that’s before his reconstructive knee surgery.

Pancakes also mentions a LT, but unless one of the more elite prospects amazingly slides to us, I don’t think Kubes takes a LT in the first round.

That said, and with another influence from Matt’s post yesterday, my current hypothesis is that we go DE in Round 1, RB/CB/LT in Round 3, CB/LT/RB in Round 4, and DT in the 5th (assuming we don’t trade up or down in the first). The Texans may be getting really stoned on Chris Taylor, but he’s not the long-term answer here, and I still think we take a RB on the earlier side.

In other self-fluffing news (if I could, I’d never leave the house), I just started reading _God Save the Fan_ by Deadspin’s Will Leitch. Already an entertaining read, and it’s yet another reason why I think our best “news” and information is coming from the blogosphere these days.

Edit: Matt mentions the possibility of taking Aqib Talib in the first, which is obviously a possibility, as well.

Michael Huff, the versatile defensive back of the Oakland Raiders, is on the trading block (h/t to Jersey Bill). The 2005 Thorpe Award winner was a badass for the Longhorns (as are all Longhorns, natch), but the Raiders in their infinite wisdom decided to take a 4.34 guy and put him at SS. Ummm, yeah, that turned out to be a pretty bad idea (their experiment to insert Randy Moss as a blocking tight end didn’t work out well, either).

If there is a more humble group of people than the Raiders Nation, it could only be a clown car full of Gandhis, so let’s see what nice things they have to say about Huff:

Einstein says: “Huff reminds me of Najee Mustafa or Elvis Patterson. He sucks, how he even receives and NFL check is beyond me. And to think this waste of roster spot was a first round pick. What a complete bust. He is probably one of the biggest busts the Raiders have ever drafted.”

Bodiddly says: “The Raiders scouting department needs an overhaul,they have missed on more than they have hit.Look at the winning teams draft history and you will seldom see a safety drafted so high.Now the team is stuck with this player that is over paid due his high draft position.No team is likely to pay more than a bargain price for a player
in this salary category if he’s not an outstanding contributor.” (if a post ever needed the {sic} notation, this would be it}

Granted, there are a lot of commenters on this post who get it: Huff is a FS or CB, not a SS. As we have previously agreed, there often is not a huge difference between the FS and SS. However, with guys like Antonio Gates and Kellen Winslow in the league, covering and being able to tackle tight ends is an essential part of the job, one that Huff had difficulty in doing because of his size.

Perhaps the Raiders realize this. And, perhaps, with a roster already loaded with CBs like Fabian Washington, Stanford Routt, and Nnamdi Asomugha, the Raiders believe they have some depth (and salary) to trade.

In many ways, Huff would be a great pick up because of his versatility. If Dunta is 100%, Huff easily slides into FS. If Dunta loses a step, Huff sticks at corner and Dunta moves to FS.

There is a genuine question on if Huff can play CB in the NFL. At UT, he had a reputation as a hard, self-motivated worker, and that 4.34 speed doesn’t hurt, either (as a benchmark, Huff’s 4.34 would be 3rd for RBs and tops for WRs this year (DBs haven’t run yet). At 6′ and 205 lbs, he has good size, as well.

The bigger problem is, what would it take to grab the Nimitz High (and therefore Houston) native. It’s a huge contract on top of giving something up. The Raiders don’t exactly have a friendly trading history, either, with Al Davis a well-known trading asshole.

As for Brian Kelly? I vote for “Just say no.” First, he lost his starting job in TB to P-Buch. Secondly, he’s 32 and has obviously lost a step. Third, P-Buch took away his job. Finally, we don’t run the Cover 2, the defense he’s most familiar with and one that covers his weaknesses (aka, coverage and anything related) well.

————————

Just, holy crap. This is considered journalism? “And I wish each one of you could be here with me.” That’s really what it’s all about for you, isn’t it?

Whenever the traditional media shits on blogs for not following journalistic standards, think of this article.

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Zach Thomas, thanks to {insert deity of your choice here}, signed with the Cowpokes. There’s just a poetic, ironic justice at work here. I wish both ZT and the ‘pokes a nice, downhill ride off into the sunset together. Actually, I take that back. I wish ZT a pleasant farewell. The cowboys. still. suck.

Those of you tuning in this morning to read a pithy recap of the Pro Bowl will be disappointed. Not because I won’t be a smartass, but, rather, because I boycotted the game due to the egregious injustice that was the absence of Mario Williams.

In the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that I generally only watch about the first 20 minutes of the game anyway. Who the hell wants to see people NOT hit Tony Romo as hard as they possibly can? Certainly not I.

But, anyway…I refused to watch any of it yesterday. I’m sure the NFL is reeling from this loss. In lieu of Pro Bowl coverage, however, I present to you:

A Random Number Of Links That Have Dick To Do With Anything!

1. ***In news that I am sure all of you support (or at least any of you that I like), “Stupid beer laws” are going away around the country. Of course, there is still no sign that Arkansas is going to repeal the uber-ignorant Sunday sales ban that plagues me every weekend, again proving that this state hates me.
2. ***Speaking of the state that time forgot, it appears that there is LEPROSY in Northwest Arkansas. Now, the Department of Health says it is not an “outbreak,” as only nine people are infected, but still…LEPROSY? Seriously? I didn’t even think that existed anywhere in the U.S. Outside of Anna-Megan’s pants, of course.
3. ***The Dream Shake (aka The Only Blog Solely Dedicated To The Rockets That Is Worth Reading) thinks Stern picked Rasheed Wallace for the NBA All-Star game out of spite. I love this theory, if only because that is the type of shit I like to do as a parent. It’s good for the kids. And for ‘Sheed.
4. ***Official invite list for the 2008 Combine. I still say one of the events should be sending the guys to a strip club with $10,000 in ones.
5. ***The other day, BFD and I were invited to join a bigger website as football contributors. We considered it briefly, until we saw this caveat: “All submissions must comply to accepted decency standards. No obscenities, inflammatory or slanderous statements, or abusive comments will be tolerated and are grounds for immediate withdrawal of content, as well as withdrawal of writing/podcasting privileges, without reimbursement.” Umm…yeah…fuck that shit.

There are plenty of reasons to like Amobi Okoye. For instance, he’s smart. He’s incredibly athletic. He’s not Travis Johnson.

Perhaps the best thing about him, though, is that by all accounts he’s one of the most humble, down-to-earth people you’d ever meet. Apparently, fearing for your life throughout much of your childhood will do that to a guy.

As recently as eight years ago, Okoye worried almost daily that his father Augustine — or someone else he loved — might be killed by simply opening his mouth. In 1993, when the military overthrew the government in Nigeria, turmoil erupted in Okoye’s native country.

‘When the military took over, they were very hostile,’ said Augustine, who owned his own business and was a major contractor for the government before the coup. ‘They went from being hostile to a dictatorship. No freedom of speech. If you said something, you were either killed or something. It got real bad.’

That has got to suck. I mean, when I was 12, I wondered about a lot of things–how to find the last Rated Rookies to complete the set of Donruss baseball cards, whether anyone would be playing football behind the high school in the afternoon, where to maximize my chances to see boobies–but I never had to stress over whether my dad would be alive in the morning. Yikes.

Because I am one of America’s best-known political analysts,* random strangers often approach me on the street and ask things like “Who should I vote for” and “If Mitt Romney is Mormon, does that mean that he wants to eat my children?”** “I dunno,” is usually my response to these queries, as that generally allows me to slip away without further discourse.

Today is different, however. Today, if asked today whom someone should vote for, I would have to answer truthfully. I would look them square in the eye and say, “Amanda.” This would undoubtedly cause them to look at me like I had just shat upon their living room rug. Because what they would not know (and what you likely didn’t know until now)*** is that you can vote for the final Houston Texans cheerleader.

Don’t you just love Democracy in action?

*This is not true.
**This might be true. My knowledge of Mormonism is limited.
***Christ, this was a long-winded and obtuse way to post a puff piece.

One of my favorite bits of NFL (or any sport, for that matter) writing is the human interest puff piece. Not because I need to be reminded that the people on my television are, in fact, actual human beings, mind you. Rather, I like them because they are full of completely useless nuggets of knowledge that you can later drop in casual sports conversation, thus making you seem like an extremely knowledgeable fan. (I realize that this appearance of knowledge may apply only within my group of NFL-obsessed friends. Whatever. I’ll take what I can get.)

I think we can all agree that pieces don’t get much puffier than this one about Manchild. There’s nothing really new in this article, but it neatly sums up every Amobi-Okoye-related tidbit we heard last weekend. (It also reminds us, in case we recently suffered tremendous brain damage and have forgotten everything (in which case, I doubt we could still read) that Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans do, in fact, play defense for the Houston Texans. Good to know.) Anyway, to recap some of the article’s highlights:

• Manchild was walking a 7 months old and was pushing a chair across the room for fun by 1. (Oh, those wacky Nigerians… is there ANYTHING they won’t do for fun?!)
• Manchild started high school at 12, was an all-state football player as a 14-year-old senior, enrolled at Louisville at 16, and earned a Psych degree in 3 1/2 years.
• Manchild is 19. Still. That, apparently, has not changed since the draft.
• Manchild once smoked weed, though he regrets it. He does not regret being honest about it, though. He may or may not regret other things.
• Manchild will be an upgrade on the interior of the Texans defensive line. (This is good to know, because I would be upset if we had intentionally drafted a downgrade.)

The article says something else about Manchild’s dad having lived in Houston and his mom not being surprised that Manchild was the youngest player ever drafted. Consider yourself learned in the history of Manchild.

To answer your other question: Yes, I used this entire post as an excuse to beat the new nickname into your brain and hope it sticks. Manchild.