Kickoff - “0-4 Eats My Nuts” Edition
Oct 7, 2008 2008 Season, His name is Earl, Kickoff, Rosie Rosenfels, Trent Green's mushed up brains
News and happenings while we all still ponder what the fuck Sage Rosencopter was thinking.
Bad News Travels Fast. Even the goddamned Canadians are talking about how awful the Texans’ collapse was. Great. “A day removed from perhaps the worst collapse in their short history, the winless Texans had many ways to describe their stunning loss to the Indianapolis Colts.”
Would someone please just shank Anthony Weaver? You want a perfect example of how stats don’t always tell the whole story? Look at Earl Cochran’s line for the year. Yet I don’t think you’d find anyone who would argue that Cochran hasn’t been our second-best DE whenever he’s been on the field.
The oddsmakers know. It’s not a stretch to say we were this close to being 2-2 right now, which explains why we are still favored to beat the Miami Dolphins (2-2) this weekend. In fact, Travis Johnson is sharpening his kneecap as we speak.
Finally. Caption this photo of Sage Rosenfels and Big Papa Pump at a ping pong tourney. (No, seriously.)
Kickoff - “The Humpty Dance Is Yo’ Chance To Do The Hump (Day)” Edition
Oct 1, 2008 2008 Season, DeMeco Ryans, H/T Eric, His name is Earl, Kickoff
Alt-title: “Hey, yo, fat girl, c’mere…are ya ticklish?”
Not something we are used to seeing. Paul Kuharsky labels DeMeco Ryans as the goat for Sunday’s loss because of his missed tackle in OT. “If Ryans makes that tackle, it’s a loss of yardage and a second-and-long that would have still had the Jags at least 10 yards out of good field-goal range.” UGH.
Cool. If you are creative, lame, or just otherwise bored, NFL.com has a neat-o new toy for you to play with. Basically, you pick your team and it lets you create your own highlight reels from game footage. Then you, umm, like, post it or something. Consider it YouTube for football junkies, I guess.
Question. Can we all please stop pretending that Dallas Clark is a TE? Regardless, here’s HT.com’s scouting report on the team from the land of ugly women. (Honestly, if you’ve ever spent even thirty-five minutes in or around Indy, you know what I’m talking about. /shudders)
Finally. It’s no secret that I loves me some Earl Cochran. If I had my way, he’d be starting opposite Mario right now. Regardless of your stance on his playing time, however, if you bounce around his foundation’s website a bit, it’s pretty hard NOT to come away rooting for the dude.
Urge to kill…rising.
Aug 19, 2008 Anger, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Bud Adams is evil, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Fuck, His name is Earl, Logo by Chris, Righteous Indignation, Teams that aren't the Texans
In a move that is likely to make stacy’s head explode, BE-SF fans voted Earl Campbell their greatest player ever.
Now, say what you will about how they kept the Oilers name/records/etc. Once you CHANGE NAMES in a NEW STATE, all bets are off as far as holding on to the past. You can keep the Oilers as part of your franchise timeline, but you CANNOT lump Earl in as the greatest Titan ever…BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER A TITAN. To claim otherwise makes you an absolute fuckrag. No one likes a fuckrag, man.
To those who will say “but it was for the greatest Oiler/Titan ever,” I call bullshit. The team (or, more accurately, it’s sodomite owner) wanted out of Houston. Fine. And, honestly, had they remained the Oilers this whole time, even the choosing of Earl Campbell would be justified, if slightly dirty. But they didn’t. They shitcanned the city of Houston, then punted the team name a short time later—basically, they started fresh without having to waste years as an expansion team. And, in doing so, they offended 95% of the Oilers fanbase.
Was Earl Campbell the greatest Oiler ever? Of course. Was he the greatest player ever owned by Bud Adams? Of course. Did he have a single goddamned thing to do with the state of Tennessee or the Titans? Nope. And I bet he’s happy about that.
Besides, to hear some of you BE-SF fans tell it, shouldn’t Vince Young have won this vote hands down?
Kickoff
Aug 12, 2008 2008 Season, 2008 Training Camp, Andre Johnson, Colvin, His name is Earl, Kickoff, Pancakes McTard, Tremendous Busts
Homerism. Fun exchange over at Mile High Report. Apparently, for those of us who didn’t get the memo, this is the year that Brandon Marshall establishes himself as the best WR in all of football. This statement is, apparently, based on (a) Marshall lighting up our awful secondary (11 catches, no TD) and (b) something written at Sporting News.
Cliff Washburn was signed yesterday. Who? Exactly. Here’s the details. (h/t Eric)
Paycheck. It’s no secret around here that Earl Cochran is one of “my guys,” in that I think he has some upside and I prefer him to Anthony Weaver. Well, good news (even though it comes from Pancakes) is that Cochran is being given a real opportunity to take the starting gig away from Weaver. Which brings up an interesting side question—if Weaver was already limited to two downs because Colvin is going to be the third-down guy more often than not, would Weaver losing his starting job altogether make him the worst free agent signing in Texans’ history?
UPDATE: Hugging Harold Reynolds has an AFC South postcard preview. I winced, then I laughed at the other three.
