We get emails
Aug 15, 2008 2008 Training Camp, Alex Gibbs, Dancing With the 'Tards, I'm not even sure this one is funny, Self-Referential Stuff
From reader and occasional guest-poster, Will “The Thrill”:
Here’s a point that hasn’t been brought up anywhere yet, and I think it’s the biggest problem facing the Texans.
We have to avoid, at all costs, getting into the “funk” we got into many of the games last year. Not playing physical. Not hitting people in the jaw. Jags play physical and so do the Titans.
I remember being so mad during the second Titans game I left the sports bar at the half and watched the rest of the game from the house. It wasn’t necessarily talent, it was just playing on their heels.
It’s a mental aspect, an intangible. Is it coaching, or is it scheme? It’s contagious, whatever it is. At times it looked like the team wanted to curl up in a fetal position and find a happy place rather than hit someone in the mouth. We need more “mean streaks” like you see in O-Line scouting reports. BTW, is that the same as saying a girl is “sweet,” meaning their technique isn’t the best, but they’re mean? She’s kinda fat, but she’ll still fuck. [Awesome. --Ed.]
The strange thing is someone finally steps up, and then it’s like the team gets a Popeye can of spinach, and then everyone’s back in the game. My favorite Maddenism is so true, “90% of the game is half mental.” I forget what the spark was to the Titans comeback, but a big part of it could support the next argument.
We came back on the Titans when they started playing back on their heels on defense. I firmly believe non aggression on defense can lead to playing on your heels. Whether or not this is THE issue, it’s a major issue, as we’ve cited numerous times last year.
Maybe it’s coaching, and guys like Alex Gibbs and Ray Rhoades will keep a fire lit under people’s ass.
Speaking of Rhoades, when will some of the local media quit copying each other’s stories and look at Rhoades some more? The Alex Gibbs deal has been re-run to death. Give us some damn ax-cess!
You know, I hadn’t even thought about it because the season ended on such a high note, but Will is exactly right–there were times last year when it looked like the Texans were scared. The Chargers game comes to mind [Side note: Fuck you, Drayton Florence] as one where they never snapped out of the “funk.”
I have two theories as to why this is, at least on our defensive side of the ball. First, Richard Smith is mildly retarded and has no idea how to play aggressive defense and get the most out of what he has. Unfortunately, he is still here. Fortunately, Ray Rhodes is lurking and might give him a pointer or ninety.
Second, the Texans are a young team. I haven’t looked at the numbers to back this up, but it’s my guess that young teams are more prone to getting overwhelmed early in a game and then being on their heels the rest of the day. Of course, it’s that same youth that comes out fearless when they get some early breaks.
What say the rest of ye?
Battle of the seven-button suitcoats
Jan 21, 2008 2006 Draft, 2007 Season, Bad Idea Jeans, Fake Conversations with Real People, Huh?, I'm not even sure this one is funny, Inanity, Overrated, Super Bowl 2008, Teams that aren't the Texans, Thannon Tharpe, Vinsanity
Bathroom at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, 10:45pm
Shannon Sharpe: Man…I really gotta take a thit. Thtupid airplane food.
(2 minutes later)
Sharpe: (singing to himself) Thwing loooowwww, thweet chariot, comin’ for to thumthin thumthin hoooome…
(Merril Hoge enters the next stall)
Hoge: Damn, son…that’s some FINE singin’. I love me an old-fashioned black spiritual. Makes me feel like I am back home in Idaho. Not that we had blacks…hey, who’s in there, anyway?
Sharpe: Thumone tryin’ to thit, dammit. Thut up and give a brotha thum peathe.
Hoge: Hooooo, boy! Listen to that lisp! You sound frutier than bag of Starburst, son! Wait…is that you, Vince?!? I always knew you’d sound gay!!! I’d ask you to toss me some toilet paper, but you couldn’t get it over here even if you wanted to. Isn’t that right, Mr. Overrated?
Sharpe: Motherfucker, ith me–Thannon Tharpe! Who the hell are you?
Hoge: It’s Merril. You know, ESPN Analyst Merril Hoge. Good lord, I never realized how gay you sound. If you’d have been tapping your foot there in the stall while you were singing, I’da thought you were hitting on me.
Sharpe: Whatever, man. Jethuth taught me to turn the other cheek and not hate juth becauth thumone ith diffent. (pauses, grunts, continues) Hey, thpeaking of hate, why the hell are you alwayth ripping on Vinthe? You jus make yourthelf thound ignurrant, cuz it thows you don unnerthand what he really bringth to hith team.
Hoge: What he brings to his team? You mean like twice as many INTs as TDs? (farts, laughs)
Sharpe: Thee! Thath what I am talk about! You mith the point–that he bringth intangimableth that thtupid thtatithticth can’t meathure!
Hoge: Please! That’s what everyone says, what’s that even mean? If the only thing he does well is stuff that can’t be measured, then how much stock can you put in the “intangibles?”
Sharpe: But he winth gameth!
Hoge: No, the Titans’ DEFENSE wins games. Their offensive line that turns shitheads like LenDale White into viable options wins games. Vince is just along for the ride and, if he manages not to screw shit up, gets all the credit for the win! How does that make any sense? But no matter how much I scream about it, people listen to you lisp about how great he is!
Sharpe: You are thuch an ignurrant hick. Taking all thothe hitth to the head mutht’ve methed you up. You thimply don’t know what you are talking about, becauth he ith that great. I mean, tho what if he can’t throw thirty yardth with accurathy? He ith deadly effithient on thothe eight yard dump offth. He creath playth with hith legth. He fortheth defentheth to adjutht. He hath a chanthe to be one of the betht dual-threat quarterbackth in hithtory. I’ve gotta be honetht, Merril–it really thoundth like thour grapeth, man. All you’ve done thince he wath drafted wath talk about how awful he ith.
Hoge: Maybe I am just sick of people making him into Jesus in Cleats! Maybe I fail to see what he does that is worth a first round pick, let alone a high first round pick. Or…maybe…
Sharpe: What ith it?
Hoge: Maybe I miss the old days, Shannon. The days when I could still play and quarterbacks were not supposed to run. That’s what the running backs were for. I miss the days when Neil O’Donnell was a god among men.
Sharpe: Neil O’Donnell wath never a god, Merril! Thath juth thtupid.
Hoge: You didn’t know Neil like I knew him, Shannon! No one did! See…NOW who is being the negative prick?!
(voice from the third stall)
Emmit Smith: Guys, guys, guys…let me be the void of return. All this negativosity is impending you from researching a mortgageable contraceptive.
Shannon: Oh, Jethuth Chritht.
