Please stop laughing at me, Jesus.
Nov 18, 2008 Awfulness, Fuck Jared Allen, Injury bug, The Schaub Experiment
Yeah, great. Awesome. Stupendous, even.
NFL
Schaub will be out longer than Texans thought
Quarterback might get back before end of season.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Tuesday, November 18, 2008HOUSTON — Texans coach Gary Kubiak said Monday that Houston quarterback Matt Schaub’s recovery from a knee injury will take longer than the two to four weeks initially projected.
Schaub has been out two weeks with an injured medial collateral ligament. Kubiak said it could be another four weeks. There are six games left in the season.
Schaub was injured in a Nov. 2 loss at Minnesota on a pair of below-the-knee hits that got Jared Allen fined $50,000.
With Sage Rosenfels at the helm, the Texans have dropped three straight. Rosenfels has seven interceptions with four touchdowns this season.
Random Updates
Nov 7, 2008 2008 Season, Awfulness, Fuck Jared Allen, High Motor must be a euphemism for White, Injury bug
Per Pro Football Weekly (and via Eric), Jared “I Like To Taste My Own Semen” Allen will be fined but not suspended. Apparently, the league thought the hit, while dirty enough to warrant a fine, was not committed by someone black enough to deserve suspension. And, no, I am not going to let the race card go on this one. So there.
Also, per the mothership (and via Dan in WC), Xavier Adibi will be playing WEAKside (praise Durga) and does in fact weigh “only” 223. Of course, as Dan astutely noted, there’s still no chance in hell we blitz with him. Because Richard Smith is retarded, you see.
Finally, per Kubiak (and via da Bull), Chaun Thompson has a hamstring issue and THAT’S why he’s not in line to take the SLB gig. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR ONE GODDAMNED LINEBACKER TO BE FUCKING HEALTHY?!?!? IS IT?!?
Not that each of you isn’t special to me, but I have family in town tonight so don’t expect any more posting from me until some time tomorrow. And, even then, should you really expect all that much on a weekend? Or ever? Didn’t anyone ever warn you about unrealistic expectations?
Harry Williams
Aug 24, 2008 Bloggerating, Injury bug
Eric asks.
Eric receives.
Great idea, Eric.
If I can convince y’all to do one thing outside of kicking Lil Dickie Justice in the nutz for me, I’d like for it to be this.
bfd
– This post came from: atexansblog.com, and is copyright by the authors. This blog is intended for the personal use of readers and not, for instance, spam blogs.
Kickoff
Jul 9, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Fuck the Cowboys, I really dig my readers, Injury bug, Kickoff, National Media, Ranting, Teams that aren't the Texans
We could take up a collection. Apparently, die-hard Cowboys fans (as well as people who don’t fuck sheep) can buy personalized stones for the walkway around the new stadium. For $150, you get four lines of text on a brick. I assume they will weed out shit like “TO’s mom sucks cocks in Hell” and “Hey, Romo, why don’t you die in a fire, you fucking twat?!” So I suggest someone with a little extra cash should purchase “September 8, 2002. 19-10. Never forget.” (h/t Deadspin)
All your ESPN are belong to Bulluck. The Titans’ LB is going to do his best Woody Paige and be on the Leader all day long, spreading the gospel of the Titans or some shit like that. Whatever. I post this because Keith throws out “Yeah, we are in a smaller market and we don’t get the notoriety as a team that others do.” Um, Keith, there is no such thing as a “small market” in football, considering there is a hard cap, total revenue sharing, and league-wide TV contracts. Fuckin’ idiot. (h/t Eric)
Strategery. The Texans are “working toward less injuries” this year. Ignoring the grammatical misstep (it’s “fewer,” not “less,” goddamnit), this seems to be a solid idea. Honestly, I can see nothing wrong with such a plan. (h/t Eric)
Alive
Feb 16, 2008 Andre Johnson, Blasphemy, Bloggerating, Free Agency, Had to post something, Inanity, Injury bug, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Ron Dayne likes pie, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Sign Andre Davis now, Updates
I know it’s been dead-ish around here. Apologies.
All should improve starting tomorrow. I think. Probably.
Until then, here are five topics to discuss:
- Has anyone ever done more in a shorter time to submarine his own trade value than Sage did at the end of the season?
- Andre Johnson–god, or mere demigod?
- If Ahman Green died in a forest, would anyone notice?
- Given that Andre Davis is a special teams ninja as well as a solid receiver, do you think Jacoby Jones admires Apostrohpe or secretly wishes him dead?
- Who weighs more: Ron Dayne or Rosie O’Donnell?
Opening Salvo (Remix)
Jan 3, 2008 2008 Draft, Barbaro is dead, Charles Spencer, Dunta Robinson, Free Agency, Injury bug, Nnamdi Asomugha
Two follow-up notes to the post below:
1. I realize that I am being uncharacteristically optimistic when it comes to Dunta. It is entirely plausible that he doesn’t step on the field at all in 2008. I am just buying into the idea that his rehab is going well and assuming that he has the type of personality that lends itself to a more rapid recovery (i.e. “fuck the naysayers, this is the style I bring” vs. “oh, man, I don’t deserve this; why’d this happen to me?”) You’ll note, however, that I am not so sold on my own beliefs that I don’t also think we should go after Asomugha.
2. Until Steph mentioned it, I was completely unaware that Charles Spencer is a big ol’ fatty now. Probably not the best thing for a rehabbed leg. I’m leaning more toward assuming he’ll be a guard in 2008.
It’s only a flesh wound!
Dec 18, 2007 Awesomeness, Colts Shmolts, DeMeco Ryans, Injury bug
In his only-four-days-late game recap, Tim says, “Methinks DeMeco is hurt worse than the team is letting on.” The numbers certainly back that up–Ryans has only 6 total tackles in each of the last two games. As further proof that Tim isn’t just talking out of his ass, though, I point you to this blurb on USA Today:
Texans LB DeMeco Ryans played in Week 15 with a torn PCL in his right knee, but expects to finish out the season.
Ryans suffered the injury against the Bucs in Week 14. The tacking machine is tied for third in the NFL with 121 stops, but had only six combined in the last two games. A limited Ryans is good news for a slumping Colts running game.
How fucking bad ass is that?
$3.22 per unimpressed Houstonian
Dec 5, 2007 2007 Season, Bad Idea Jeans, Batman, Huh?, Injury bug, Tremendous Busts
Inspired by Tim’s comment here, let’s break down exactly what Ahman Green has cost the Texans thus far. All numbers based on his $6.5MM guaranteed contract.
- $16,971.28 per total yard
- $25,000 per rushing yard
- $72,222.22 per week on injury report
- $92,857.14 per carry
- $2,166,666.67 per game with at least one 10+ yard rush
- $3,250,000 per touchdown
- $6,500,000 per victory over Dallas, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, and Tennessee
It’s nice work, if you can get it.
Somehow, I doubt they’ll make a Fathead of any of these guys
Nov 20, 2007 2007 Season, Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Batman, Injury bug, Nigerian Mafia, RB free-for-all
Just scrolled across the bottom of NFL Network:
“Houston Texans: Activate RB Darius Walker from practice squad.”
Interesting for a number of reasons. First, this might mean that Gary is starting to doubt Joe Echemandu. (Echeman-don’t?) Second, it wasn’t that long ago that someone close to the Texans organization told me that “Walker’s not good, but you’re right [in thinking] he asked to be released. That said, I would be shocked if he made a roster, let alone play a down in the NFL.” Maybe is he is less not good now? Third, could this possibly be the final sign that Ahman Green shan’t be suiting up in the Texans colors again this year (or ever)?
And, with that, the waters parted and all of my sane readers ran away
Nov 16, 2007 Batman, Blasphemy, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Fake Conversations with Biblical Characters, Injury bug, National Media, Reggie Bush, Reservoir Dogs, Tempting Fate, Too far?
Sports Bar in Heaven, 6 Kislev 5768 (Heaven does not buy into the Gregorian calendar)
God: (to other people at his table) …this was during the Los Angeles marijuana drought of 1986. I still had a connection. Which was insane, ’cause people couldn’t get weed anyfuckinwhere then. Anyway, I had a connection with this hippie chick up in Santa Cruz and all my friends knew it. And they’d give me a call and say, “Hey, God…hey, dude, you gettin’ some, you think you could get me some too?” They knew I smoked, so they’d ask me to buy a little for them when I was buying for myself. But it got to be that everytime I bought some weed, I was buyin for four or five different people. Finally I said, “Fuck this shit.” I’m makin’ this bitch rich. She didn’t have to do jack shit; she never even had to meet these people. I was doin’ all the work…then that got to be a pain in the ass. People called me on the phone all the fuckin’ time. I couldn’t rent a fuckin’ tape without six fucking phone calls interrupting me. “Hey, when’s the next time you’re gettin’ some?” “Motherfucker, I’m tryin to watch The Lost Boys! When I have some, I’ll let you know.” And then these rinky-dink pot heads come by–they’re my friends and everything, but still, y’know? I got all my shit laid out in sixty dollar bags. They don’t want sixty dollars worth. They want ten dollars worth. Breaking it up is a major fuckin pain in the ass. I don’t eve–
St. Peter: (interrupting) Sorry dude, but you need to see this. (conjures up magical heavenly computer monitor out of mid-air) It seems a blogger has been writing prayers to you in the hopes that you would heal and/or hurt certain professional football players.
God: Son of a bitch. I swear to Me, this is all because that assbag Jon Kitna has convinced people that I care about football. Why am I supposed to give two shits about the outcome of NFL games? The only thing the NFL is good for is helping me figure out which people have no shot at Heaven. Oh, speaking of, what’s the latest on Mike Vick?
St. Peter: Sentencing in December; still on the “get anally fisted in Hell” list. But, that’s not why I showed you this, though. It appears that this blogger, a “Matt Campbell,” decided that you were ignoring his prayers, so he began offering the same to some Hindu god.
God: WHAT?! Jesus Christ!
Jesus: (jumping up) Yeah, dad?!
God: It’s just an expression; sit down. (turns back to Peter) A Hindu god, huh? How did that work out for him?
St. Peter: Well, that’s just it. He prayed that a “Petey Faggins” would be removed from the starting lineup and, sure enough, it happened! I guess I don’t have to tell you that this has caused a few whispers among the living.
God: Fuck no, you don’t need to tell me! I’m omnipotent, asshole!
Job: Then how did you not already know about this?
God: Better question, smart guy–why are you going to walk with a limp for eternity? (smites Job’s knee) Talk to me, Peter. What do I need to do?
St. Peter: That’s the good news. The Texans are playing the Saints this weekend and, were you to see fit to injure a certain running back, I think you’d re-convert some of the doubters. You just have to tweak his knee a little bit, maybe give him a tor–
God: I’m on it. (smites Ahman Green, rendering him inactive for Sunday’s game)
St. Peter: NO!!!! Dude, I meant Reggie Bush!!!
God: Reggie Bush?!? Are you out of your fucking mind, Peter? I LOVE that kid! Don’t you watch ESPN? I’d sooner smite the Savior of mankind over there before I’d hurt Reggie! That’s my DAWG, yo!
St. Peter: But, if he’s your favorite, why is he only averaging 3.7 yard per carry for his career? What gives?
God: Dude, even my powers have limits.
It’s another one, in-the-gutter one
Nov 16, 2007 2007 Season, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Injury bug, Secondary issues are primary, The Fred, Von, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?
So, lost in the smart-ass posts and fake press conferences of the past few days is the fact that we have a rather interesting and important game this weekend. I would apologize, but I do this for free, so go to hell.
Anyway…yeah. I suppose my thoughts on Reggie Bush are pretty well-documented. (Short version: he’s an overrated, glorified punt returner who will never be anything more than an average RB. Also, I don’t think he was born of the Virgin Mary and became man, as some people at ESPN seem to suggest.) So there’s no need to get into that again.
The one question on every Texans fan’s mind, however, is whether our secondary is going to resemble Onyx’s “Slam” video. Because, on paper, it’s kind of worrisome. You have a cornerback who was deemed expendable and moved to safety in the preseason, a rookie cornerback who was not supposed to be a starter this year, a free safety who was your strong safety until TWO free safeties went down, and a strong safety who was unceremoniously kicked to the curb in NY earlier this year. Stellar.
So, yeah, in a vacuum, it looks like a recipe for disaster. Unless you realize one little thing–none of those descriptions are about Petey Faggins. That alone is worth a couple extra defended passes per game.
In the comments to this post, Stephanie–in addition to accusing me of being the Jinxmaster, which is a kickass title–points out that neither Von Hutchins nor Fred Bennett was able to beat out Faggins in the preseason. This, she reasons, is cause for concern, because if they weren’t better than Faggins then, why would they be better now?
I would agree, except I think the underlying premise is flawed. Severely flawed, actually. Going into camp, Kubiak was pretty clear that Faggins was “the guy” and that he would be starting against Kansas City. Short of Petey getting arrested on a Fred Smoot sex cruise with a 12-year-old boy and three pounds of Peruvian flake hidden up his ass, no one was going to beat him out. Consider:
Player A–3 Games, 6 Tackles, 0 INTs, 0 Pass Def.
Player B–4 Games, 9 Tackles, 1 INT, 1 Pass Def.
Player C–4 Games, 8 Tackles, 1 INT, 1 Pass Def.
Now, if there really was an open competition in the preseason, is there any way that Player A wins it? Of course not. But Player A is (obviously) Petey Faggins, B is Von Hutchins, an C is Fred Bennett.
I am not saying that this cobbled-together defensive backfield is not a cause for concern; it definitely is. What I am saying is that the lack of Petey Faggins makes is LESS of a concern, not more. Both cornerbacks were better than Faggins in the preseason. More importantly, neither of them made opposing QBs’ eyes light up when they stepped on the field and neither of them was so brutally bad in the early going that people were emailing me about how they should be taken out behind the Astrodome and shot.
There are plenty of reasons to worry about the secondary–Bennett is inexperienced, Hutchins might not be fast enough, Will Demps might start hitting on C.C. Brown, etc.–but the fact that neither of the corners could beat Faggins 3 months ago is not one of them.
Isn’t that the dark-headed chick from Friends?
Nov 14, 2007 Free Agency, Injury bug, Secondary issues are primary, Who?
I suppose it is a sign of how many injuries you’ve had in your defensive secondary when you start signing guys the same week they were cut by other teams. In that vein, your Houston Texas signed Curome Cox yesterday, less than a week after Cox was released by the Broncos.
I have to be honest; Twenty-four hours ago, I had no idea who Curome Cox was. But, as is usually my wont, I decided to find out for you, the reader. That’s the kind of nice guy I am. So, I present “Ten Five Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Curome Cox.”
1. Cox was an honorable mention All-ACC selection his senior year at Maryland. He finished the season sixth in the conference with 10 passes defensed per game, and also made 40 tackles (32 solo).
2. A cornerback by trade, he primarily played safety in Denver.
3. He was not invited to the 2004 NFL Combine, but was decent enough in college that Scouts, Inc., considered his a “notable omission” and 2004 Previews listed him as a “key loss” for the Terps.
4. He ran a 4.52 and did 19 reps at Maryland’s pro day workouts.
5. Holds two Chick-Fil-A Bowl records (though both were set on the same play).
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
William Jennings Bryan, Buffalo Bills, and Petey Faggins
Nov 13, 2007 Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Injury bug, Secondary issues are primary, Von, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?
Reader Andy passed along this link which features a blurb about Von Hutchins being moved back to corner from safety due to the injury of one Willie Dunta Robinson. I am going to go ahead and assume that losing one’s starting job thrice in a season ( if you include him being moved on passing downs) means that said loser is unlikely to be in the longterm plans at CB2.
I’m also going to go ahead and consider this the first Christmas gift of the year.
UPDATE: You know what? No. No, I cannot let this story go by with just a little pithy comment. Not after the hundreds upon hundreds of words that I have spent over the last six months on the Suckiness of Petey Faggins.
First, in case anyone failed to notice, Tim predicted (or suggested or whatever) this move as soon as God flipped me off and hurt Dunta. Proving, yet again, that it should not be so goddamned hard to find competent front-office people in the NFL.
Which actully dovetails into the bigger point I wanted to make. Namely, that my dumb ass has been screaming since the inception of this blog about how bad Faggins is (pre-blog, actually, but I have no visual proof of that), yet it took the Texans’ cognoscenti OTAs, training camp, and multiple shitty games–including games where you could pin the majority of the blame for the loss on him–before they could see what we already knew.
How is this possible? How is it that people who, given the chance, would explain to us how they understand football in ways we never will could themselves be so clueless about something so obvious? I understand the desire for them to give him the benefit of the doubt. I even understand not selling him out to the media after the Panthers game. But I do not, cannot, and will not pretend to understand how they could keep rolling out one of the worst starters in the NFL week after week.
And that is exactly what they are admitting with a move like this one with Hutchins. They are saying that Petey is so bad as a starting corner that even a season-ending injury is not enough to move him up the depth chart; that they would rather un-convert a CB-cum-safety than let Petey stink up the joint as a starter. To which I can only say, “duh” and “thank god,” respectively.
I guess what I am looking for is some sort of mea culpa from the front office or even from Kubiak himself. I just want a little “ok, my bad…Faggins is just not capable of doing this and we are sorry we pretended otherwise, but, look, we’re doing something to fix it.” I know I will never get this, though, so I suppose this Hutchins thing will just have to do.
If Faggins is on the opening day roster in 2008, though, I reserve the right to have someone killed.
Albert Haynesworth smash puny human. AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
Nov 5, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Fake Conversations with Real People, I guess this storyline has run its course...or has it?, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Sunday, November 4, 3:15PM EST
Vinnie Testaverde: (to Matt Moore, on the bench) Yeah, so no shit, I’m sitting there in his office, in the dark, and he grabs my fucking foot and just starts twisting. It was the weirde–
John Fox: OH MY GOD!!! HELL YES!!!!
Testaverde: What the?
Fox: (running at Testaverde) Did you see that?!?! Did you fucking see that?!?! Holy sweet Jesus in Heaven, he’s down. He’s down and he’s not getting up and I’m happier than a whore with negative AIDS test!!!
Testaverde: Sir, I don’t think you shou–
Fox: I told you, Vincent!!! I fucking told you my plan would work!!! Didn’t I say Albert Haynesworth was going to fuck Captain Gayness up three ways from Sunday?!?! Didn’t I???
Testaverde: Yes, but–
Fox: And now look!!!
(Assistant coach approaches, whispers in Fox’s ear) What? Oh. Yeah. What’s that kid’s name? Whatever…just tell him to get in the game.
(grabs Testaverde and gestures toward the field) Look out there, Vincent! Look at his glossy eyes. Look at the drool. Fucking marvel at the lack of equilibrium. That is beautiful, Vincent. Bee-ooo-teee-ful! I’ve actually got a chubby right now, no foolin’.
Testaverde: Sir, I just don’t want to be a part of this. It seems–
Fox: What!? What does it seem, Vincent?! Because, from where I am standing, it seems like God himself reached down and thumped that mittened fuckwit in the skull with his Almighty golden forefinger. It’s a goddamned miracle!!! Look at him, Vincent. He can’t even stand. To hell with my wife and kids; this is the single greatest day of my life!
(Fox runs over to where David Carr is being tended to on the sideline)
Carr: I can’t with the throw glove mitten man kisses. Sack time hurt oww! Aiiieeeieee! Big big Albert big crushy smash. Purple.
Fox: Oh, this is fantastic! He’s nuttier than squirrel turds! I want do some goddamned cartwheels!!!
(flipping Carr off) How many fingers am I holding up? HA! You don’t know, do you?! I’m holding up ONE, because FUCK YOU, NANCY!!!
Hamstrung
Nov 5, 2007 2007 Season, Awfulness, Dunta Robinson, I'm not a doctor, Injury bug
As of right now, we only know that Dunta Robinson has a torn hamstring–technically, a hamstring avulsion–and that his knee might be injured. Given how quiet this regime is with injuries, we might not know anything about the knee for a while.
But what about the hamstring tear; what do we know about that kind of injury?
Surgical treatment recently has been advocated to repair the complete rupture of the hamstring tendons from the ischial tuberosity. Surgical repair involves a transverse incision in the gluteal crease, protection of the sciatic nerve, mobilization of the ruptured tendons, and repair to the ischial tuberosity with the use of suture anchors. Reports in the literature of surgical treatment of proximal hamstring rupture are few, and most series have had a relatively small number of patients. Surgical repair results project 58% to 85% rate of return to function and sports activity, near normal strength, and decreased pain.
That is from the Journal of the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgery (J Am Acad Orthop Surg, Vol 15, No 6, June 2007, 350-355) as excerpted here (post #2), but the emphasis is mine. Before you head for the cyanide pills, however, you should remember two things: first, the sample size in that projection is admittedly small; second, that sample size is comprised almost entirely of average Americans and not of NFL-caliber athletes.
In fact, among NFL players, this injury–while uncommon–does not currently seem to be career threatening. Tommie Harris of the Chicago Bears suffered a similar avulsion last December and, despite rumors that he would miss an entire year, was actually on the field for the season opener this year. While there were questions as to whether he’d be able to stand the strain of playing DT, Harris has come out and notched 7 sacks in 8 games.
Similarly, in December 2005, God’s Linebacker Ray Lewis underwent hamstring re-attachment surgery. All he did was return in 2006, make the Pro Bowl, and finish fifth in Defensive Player of the Year voting on the strength of 103 tackles.
In fact, a simple Google search reveals that most high-profile athletes who have undergone this surgery in the last three or four years have come back. Ken Griffey, Jr., for instance, had the same surgery in 2004. He hit 35 homers in 128 games the following season.
I am not going to lie and say that this injury never ends careers, however. In the Tommie Harris article above, the author cites John Jurkovic and Mike D’Onofrio as former players “whose careers also were ended by similar hamstring tears.” Moreover, this case study of a 5′7″, 185-lb., 27-year-old corner from 2001 showed that, while rehab was only about 24 weeks, the corner lost .3 seconds on his 40-yard time and was waived soon after the start of the following season.
The one thing that doesn’t seem to be mentioned in the Tommie Harris article, but that pertains both to it and to any lessons gleaned from the CB case study is this: there is a world of difference in the medical knowledge regarding treatment of these injuries between what was known in 1999/2001 and what is known today. I do not think it is a coincidence that players like Harris and Lewis have been able to come back relatively quickly and play at a high level while players with similar injuries could not as recently as 6 years ago; such recovery would be expected more and more frequently as the injury becomes better understood, just as more people survive all sorts of other injuries today that would have killed them a generation ago.
Still, my only big concern–other than the unknown knee injury, which could take MUCH longer to rehab–is that neither Lewis nor Harris is a cornerback, thus neither of them really relies on backpedaling and the ability to swivel around quickly without losing a step. As such, any lessons we take from their recoveries must be tempered until we see how Dunta’s different position (and even different body type) factors into the equation. In the end, though, I would say that the odds that he recovers from the hamstring portion of the injury are pretty good.
24-17
Nov 4, 2007 2007 Season, Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Injury bug, Matt Turk rules, Posts that list too many players, The Fred, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?
It wasn’t comfortable, it wasn’t injury-free, and, for the most part, it wasn’t pretty. But it will certainly do.
What went right?
- Hello, Ron Dayne. It’s good to see you again. I still cannot figure out how you slithered 14 yards for that TD, but it was much appreciated. Of course, the fact that you are our first 100-yard rusher this season makes me a little ill, but it explains a lot.
- Sage-to-Davis might be the homeless man’s 4th-quarter Montana-to-Rice. Or not. But it’s still really damn good right now.
- (Seriously, 122 yards for Dayne? I have no explanation.)
- Kudos to the pass defense. Three INTs (including DeMeco Ryans getting his reversed, then going and getting another) and only 158 yards allowed was a good showing. Sure, it was Josh McCown, but that still counts.
- Fred Bennett, in addition to getting his first career pick, played well in his first game as a starter. I am a big fan of the Fred. I still want Nnamdi Asomugha, but I love Fred.
- Kevin Walter was kept out of the endzone, but all three of his catches went for first downs. You gotta love that.
- Will Demps got a lot of reps and played well. Even the penalty called against him late was a shaky call (it didn’t really look like he led with his head according to both radio broadcasts). Plus, let’s not forget that he is “the most metrosexual brother in the NFL possibly.” That’s always fun.
- Amobi Okoye. Sack #5. VIVA OKOYE!!!
- Ahman Green–before he managed to leave AGAIN with an injury–looked awesome both receiving and rushing. For just a moment, I was beginning to not regret his signing.
- Danny Clark played like a man possessed for most of the game and came away with five tackles, an INT, and the knowledge that Justin Fargas fears him.
- Sage Rosenfels. Not spectacular. Just efficient. 180+, game-clinching TD pass, only one INT. What more can you ask from your backup QB?
What went wrong?
- Dunta Robinson’s injury. Look, all joking aside, it’s not my fault unless you really buy into voodoo and the like. Because, as we saw with the Colorado Rockies, the Almighty does not care about sports teams. Still, it sucks immeasurably. According to Tim, the injury looked like the type that ends seasons. And Kubiak’s post-game comments apparently echo this without saying as much. Damn.
- Petey Faggins. It’s bad enough that Dunta’s injury ruined what had been great news and forced Petey into action. But adding insult to that was the way Josh McCown decided, “hell, even I can throw on this dude.” The final TD that made the game, you know, close and un-relaxing? Guess who that was thrown at. Go on…guess.
- He started off on the good list, but that injury to Batman’s knee lands him down here, too. Seriously, Ahman? ANOTHER game cut short by injury? Thanks, dude. Remember early in the preseason, when I was suggesting that you’d give us at least 14 healthy games? Man…
- Matt Turk. It wasn’t that he was awful top-to-bottom, but that 10-yard punt when we really, really needed to pin them deep was so Stanley-esque that I screamed at the radio. Between that kick and last week’s muff, some of the new car smell is fading from Turk.
In the end, all that matters is that we won, of course. Still, reading that list, you wouldn’t think that a game with so many positives against a team like Oakland would have been that close on the scoreboard. If Turk hits that last punt deep, the game probably stays a 14-point margin.
Whatever. I’ll take it.
Mojo?
Nov 4, 2007 2007 Season, Bad Juju, Dunta Robinson, Injury bug, Self-Referential Stuff
Text message from Tim as the first half expired:
Even your bad juju couldn’t ruin the first half. Congrats.
Now, I am still not willing to admit that my little exercise in blasphemy had anything to do with Dunta Robinson going down in the first quarter. After all, it’s not like we were paragons of health prior to today.
That said…I am going to feel a little uneasy if Dunta is gone for any length of time. The bye week cannot come at a better time.
UPDATE: Well, we won. Still no news on Dunta. Based on the threatening messages I’ve received from Tim, the prognosis is not good. But, hey, we won! That counts, right?!? What??? What’s with the pitchforks?? *runs away*
The Dead Zone
Nov 4, 2007 2007 Season, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Faggination, Injury bug, Posts that list too many players, The Fred, You're the Man Now Dog
By week 9, no team is at 100%. Football definitely takes a piece of your roster nearly every week. Still, look at the following list (courtesy of BRB):
J. Fletcher–out (appendicitis)
M. Schaub–out (concussion)
K. Studdard–out (groin)
A. Johnson–out (knee)
K. Brown–probable (plant foot)
C. Pitts–probable (illness)
C.(C.) Brown–probable (shoulder)
O. Daniels–probable (ankle)
A. Davis–probable (chest)
J. Dreessen–probable (elbow)
M. Flanagan–probable (head)
D. Ryans–probable (ankle)
E. Salaam–probable (hand)
J. Echemandu–probable (thigh)
A. Green–probable (knee)
Sure, most of those guys are probable, but that is a whole lot of nicks and scraps and dings and dents for a team that came into the season with very little depth. And that list doesn’t even include the following guys who are out for the year:
C. Spencer–out (broken leg)
S. McKinney–out (knee)
J. Mathis–out (yearly injury)
C. Killings–out (broken neck)
J. Simmons–out (knee)
G. Earl–out (foot)
S. Barber–out (neck)
B. Harrison–out (hamstring)
J. Horton–out (broken arm)
K. Barry– out (torn biceps)
C. Taylor–out (knee)
J. Abbate–out (ankle)
R. Alexander–out (knee)
Good lord.
In other fagginating player news, as Jersey Bill pointed out, Durga totally hooked me up and had Petey removed as starter. Long live The Fred! It should be noted, though, that although the team is suggesting that Petey will excel at nickel–a belief I shared before the season, by the way–he hasn’t exactly excelled in his time there this year. By which I mean he’s also played that position like crap.
Still, this move makes sense for any number of reasons that we’ve all screamed at one another all season. It lets us see if Bennett can play, it moves our weak link to a less-important (relatively speaking) position, etc. I, for one, am thrilled.
Remember I said I’d kill you last? I lied.
Nov 2, 2007 Fake Conversations with Real People, Inanity, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Teams that aren't the Texans, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Vinnie Testaverde: Coach? There was a note in my locker that said you wanted to see me. Coach? Are you in here?
John Fox: Come in and sit down, Vincent.
Testaverde: Why are all the lights off, sir? And why are your curtains drawn?
Fox: Please. Sit. It will all be explained to you in time.
Testaverde: Okaaayyyy.
Fox: You see, Vincent, the time for action is now. No longer must we labor under the restrictive glove of mediocrity. No longer must I lie awake at night, wondering what I’ve done wrong. No longer, Vincent.
Testaverde: I honestly have no fucking idea what you are talking about.
Fox: ROLL TAPE! *video of Titans-Texans game begins playing on wall* You see this, Vincent? You see how Albert Haynesworth absolutely destroys Matt Schaub right here. Do you notice the utter lack of compassion Albert displays as he crushes Matt like an empty beer can? Can you see, Vincent? Can you see the wonderfulness? Can you see the sweet tears of pain on Schaub’s cheeks?
Testaverde: Ok, for real, what the fuck are you talking about? I am too old for this shit. And where are you? I can’t see a goddamned thing in here.
Fox: I’m right here beside you, Vincent.
Testaverde: FUCK! Jesus Christ, don’t DO that! You scared the shit out of…hey, what are you doing with my foot?
Fox: Just relax, Vincent.
Testaverde: That’s the ankle I twea– FUUUUCK! OWWW! CHRIST!!! WHY ARE YOU BENDING IT LIKE THAT?!?! OWWWWW!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!
Fox: (maniacally) Don’t you see, Vincent?! This is what must happen!! You cannot play this weekend. David must start! Oh yes, he must start so that he can be stopped!!! His fractured back and penchant for holding the ball??? That’s music to Haynesworth’s ears. It’ll be glorious, Vincent. Absolutely glorious!!! Imagine–David lying in a barely-mobile heap, gloves torn and bloodied, with his spine in the shape of a question mark!!
Testaverde: Oh god. You’ve lost your fucking mind! *Fox bends ankle 90 degrees the wrong way* SHIT! OWWWW!
Fox: Have I, Vincent? Have I, really? Or am I the only one who sees the big picture here? Not a word of this to anyone, Vincent. Do you understand me? Not a word. This must happen and it must happen this weekend. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Boo!
Oct 31, 2007 2007 Season, Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Andre Johnson, Batman, Houston Chronicle, Injury bug, Nigerian Mafia, The Schaub Experiment
Because I aspire to be nothing moreso than evenhanded,1 I should point to John McClain’s entry from today.2
If the Texans can keep from embarrassing themselves at Oakland the way they did at San Diego and escape with a victory, they’ll stop the bleeding momentarily.
[...]
The Texans need to run the ball like they did at San Diego, where they outrushed the Chargers 115 yards to 109 — thanks to Adimchinobe Echemandu. They also must continue to play that kind of run defense, something that had been lacking in recent weeks.Obviously, the Texans can’t continue to turn over the ball. They’ve committed 23 turnovers, including 11 in the last two games.
And it would help, of course, if the defense could actually force some turnovers.
[...]
If the Texans defeat the Raiders, enter their week off 4-5 and get back Schaub and Johnson, those of us with the glass-is-half-full philosophy will feel better.The rest of you won’t, because your glass is always half-empty, and you expect — indeed, almost welcome — the kind of incompetence the Texans have shown so you can say, “I told you so.”
While I still think the playoffs are out of reach already–losing your first three division games and being in last in your division at the half-way point is a big ass mountain to climb–McClain is right in his assertion that this is the last chance to really put together a “good” season. If we lose the Raiders and fall to 3-6, the odds of getting to even .500 are slim. That would require, obviously, a 5-2 record to end the year.3
Not impossible obviously, save for two things. First, teams that start 3-6 rarely decide to right the ship and finish 5-2; there is a reason you get to 3-6 in the first place. Second, the schedule only gets harder from here, with @Titans, Broncos, @Colts, Jaguars, and even a game with the upstart Browns @Cleveland.
Now note: With that kind of road ahead, I am not saying that winning this Sunday and going into the bye week at 4-5 makes us a lock for a winning record. Far from it. Still, I can at least fathom the idea that this team can finish 4-3 and sneak out a win or two against “better” teams. 5-2, on the other hand, seems less likely at this moment than the Patriots going 19-0.
Now we just need to find a way to win without Matt Schaub. Or Andre Johnson. Or Ahman Green. Or Adminchinobe Echemandu.
There’s a Halloween scare for you.4
1 Not counting “rich,” “Paris Hilton hot,” “the owner of many, many monkeys,” “reincarnated as Monica Bellucci’s underwear,” “quoted in the Wall Street Journal,” “tall,” and “a ninja.”
2 We haven’t done footnotes in a while, have we? This is fun. Wheeeeeeeeee.
3 Math!
4 Not for nothin’, but the giving out candy gets more entertaining with each passing beer. Father of the year, bitches!
