Dear Jacoby
Aug 23, 2008 BFD's Real Doll, Jacoby Jones' beer bong
You know I love you, don’t you, baby? I hopped on your man-crush train during last pre-season, and TPL’s description of you made me all wet and drippy. But, something’s happened to you, sweetheart…
It all started the day you were tackled by a punter. Since that horrible day, you haven’t been the same. I saw glimpses of the old you last night. You know, the one I fell in love with last year. Not fumbling. Running with confidence. Not fumbling. I got those old feelings back again.
But then, you had two bad drops at the end of the game. Not just drops, either. You dropped two passes that could’ve won the game for us, the last one, especially.
I still love you, but something has to change. From now on, if the ball hits your hands in any way, it needs to stay there until you put it down. No more fumbles, no more drops.
I’m willing to give you one last chance, but if you mess it up, we’re done. I don’t want to see anyone else, but the ball is in your court.
Sorry, baby.
bfd*
* This isn’t nearly as bad as a certain tribute to VY lately, which is horribly sad.
Kickoff
Jun 25, 2008 Andre Johnson, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Batman, Curious Coaching, I really dig my readers, Jacoby Jones' beer bong, Kickoff, Sandy Vag
Über-commenter Eric came through today with three solid links and a kick ass picture, so this is the all-Eric Kickoff Edition.
Idiot-Proofing The Offseason. As we’ve seen (Mario Wililams, Jacoby Jones), free time can be dangerous for young players with lots of money. There’s only so much you can do about that through the winter and spring, but Smithiak have found a way to deal with it during the summer–shorten the amount of freetime by extending summer workouts.
One team subscribing to this theory is Houston. The Texans started their offseason program March 31 and won’t conclude until the week after July 4th, leaving less than two weeks between the end of the program and the start of training camp on July 25. It’s clear Texans GM Rick Smith and coach Gary Kubiak are hoping this wrinkle will pay dividends on the field. In a copycat league, many teams will be looking at the Texans to see how this plays out.
God, let them be smarter than the average Pats fan. A prediction from a Patriots blog re: AFC South standings. The Texans’ final record is a thing of beauty, this line about VY is gold. “VY needs to improve his incredibly poor accuracy. He seriously can’t hit a group of shirtless men in a bar.”
Not earth-shaking, but still informative. A USA Today piece breaking down the offseason changes, the need for people (read: Green, Schaub, Johnson) to stay healthy, and the arrival of Alex Gibbs.
Cannot Approach Reasonable Respectability. Finally, a little flashback humor.
The Titanic was “stopped safely” when divers found it.
Mar 19, 2008 Awesomeness, Beer, HPD, Houston Chronicle, Jacoby Jones' beer bong
Question: If I am driving around at 3AM with a BAC of .13 and, upon stopping at a red light, I lose consciousness with the car still in gear, would you say I have merely “fallen asleep” or would I be “blacked out like a motherfucker”?
Because I am thinking it would be the latter, but this Chron article suggests it is the former. Even better, there are assertions that the whole thing was done with the utmost care. No, seriously.
Richards said Jones was cooperative and seemed remorseful. He was taken into custody and charged with driving while intoxicated. The bail, set at $500, was paid later Sunday morning.
[Jones' attorney, Chip] Lewis said Jones was stopped safely and was wearing his seat belt when officers found him (emphasis added).
Really, Chip? Stopped “safely?”
Get off my lawn!
Mar 16, 2008 2007 Draft, Beer, Grumpy Old Men, I really dig my readers, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jacoby Jones' beer bong
According to various sources (most notably, reader Eric who alerted us to the “rumor” at 11:30am), Jacoby Jones was arrested early this morning for driving while intoxicated.
Of course, the team has no comment until the facts come out. Which means that Gary and Co. will issue a “we’re really disappointed in Jacoby, but he has told us that he’s sorry” statement in a day or two. And that’s fine, I suppose; I mean, if this is the worst thing that our players do all offseason, we’ve gotten off light by today’s NFL standards. And, yes, JJ is only 23 and this is the type of stupid, youthful thing that 23-year-olds do frequently in the real world. I get that.
All that said, however, I would think that a punt returner/4th receiver who had a great preseason and a forgettable regular season (and who already lost half of his special teams duties to the Special Teams Ninja) would do his best to avoid doing anything stupid. I mean, we all love Jacoby (some of us to alarming degrees), but we don’t love him in the same, wouldn’t-trade-him-for-anyone way that we love DeJesus, Mario, and Andre. No, our love for Jones is of the “wow…this kid might just be something someday” variety. That’s not a hard love to forget if it goes unrequited for very long.
No, I am not saying that I am done with Jacoby. He’s not Travis Johnson or anything; I don’t hate him with the hot burning intensity of a thousand suns. I still want to believe the hype and I want him to wind up being great. More importantly, though, I want him to want to be great and to act like he wants to be great. Shape up, kid.
God, I feel old.
