DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

You do realize you list wins and then losses, right?  Apparently, the fine folks over at Music City Miracles know something the rest of us don’t.  I can only assume that they’ve learned from their super-inside sources that Vince Young will not be playing this year.  Because that’s the only way “anything less than 10-6 is unexcusable” makes sense.

At least the Bennett choice makes sense. Pete Prisco continues his mancrush on the Texans as well as his overarching idiocy in his list of 30 players poised to break out this season.  Number 13? Eric Winston.  AKA “The Guy Who Was One Of The Best RTs In Football Last Year.”  How do you break out from that? (H/T Eric)

Vaya con dios, dick.  Jared “I’M A COLLEGE STAR…I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!” Zabranksi was dumped by the Steelers.  Statue of Liberty play <<< Dennis Dixon’s talent. (Also via Eric)

So, I’ve been absent lately. I nearly wrote “notably absent,” but that would have been presumptuous on my part and, most likely, incorrect. We’ll just stick with “absent.”

Anyway…as I have bitched to a number of you over email or text message, I managed to catch some sort of virus last week, which filled me with roughly twenty pounds of snot. By Saturday, I was feeling better, so I allowed myself to be roped into helping someone move, which caused me to spend all day out in damp, 40-degree air. Apparently, this was a bad idea, as my doctor informed me today that I now have “severe bronchitis, a double ear infection, and tonsilitis.” Which is another way of saying I feel like I got skull-fucked by a rhinoceros.

Why am I telling all of you this? Because I like to pretend like you care. Moving on…

As has been discussed here and elsewhere, the Texans hired Ray Rhodes. There is absolutely no way this can be seen as anything but a fantastic move. Whether Rhodes is merely an assistant and is tasked with helping to improve the secondary or he is made an assistant head coach and has more oversight, the end result is that someone with a MUCH better defensive mind than Richard Smith is going to have input on the defensive side of the ball.

1Texan’s dream of a Jared Zabransky-led offense is kaput–the Sooner Killer is expected to sign with the Steelers. He’s expected to “compete to be the team’s 3rd-string quarterback.” There really isn’t anything else to be said here.

[Author's Note: The movie The Number 23 is playing in the background as I write this. I am, coincidentally enough, 23 minutes into it. Does it get to a level even approaching "decent" in the near future, or should I change channels at the top of the hour?]

Finally, it seems that Jacoby Jones is back at Lane College this semester and hopes to graduate this summer. Good for him. I hope one of his final classes focuses on not being horribly cliched and boring in Q-and-A sessions. Reading that was like watching him return punts against Tennessee–painful and awkward.

According to the Houston Chronicle, the Texans have come to terms with or received commitments from the following undrafted free agents:

• QB Jared Zabransky (Boise State)
• LB Jon Abbate (Wake Forest)
• FB Cory Anderson (Tennessee)
• WR Onrea Jones (Hampton)
• CB Derrick Roberson (Rutgers)
• DE Deljuan Robinson (Mississippi State)
• FS Brandon Mitchell (Ohio State)
• TE Luke Smith-Anderson (Idaho)
• DE Victor DeGrate, (Oklahoma State)
• WR Terry Richardson (Arizona State)
• C Enoka Lucas (Oregon State)
• OT Tavo Tupola (Utah)
• P Eric Wilbur (Florida)

Of these (and despite my intense hatred for everything OSU), Brandon Mitchell is the one I am most interested in. A converted corner, Mitchell is 6′3″/205/4.5 and a technically solid tackler. He was also a second-team All-Big Ten selection.

Tavo Tupola is also somewhat interesting. Apparently, Tupola was recruited out of high school as a 186 lb safety. After one year at Utah, he left for two years to serve his mission (which, I suppose, means he’s either Mormon or special forces). When he returned, he weighed somewhere north of 290. “When I went to Tuscon, it affected me a lot. I gained a lot of weight,” says Tavo. Gee, ya think?