DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Bud Adams > Satan, and goodbye, wifebeater!

Apr 6, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Bud Adams is evil, Fuck the Cowboys, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Secondary issues are primary

Bud Adams and the rest of the Babyeating-Sisterfuckers are flipping us the bird once again, celebrating the 10 year anniversary of the team in Nashville.  So, when we play them twice this year, we need not only put up with Little Dickie Justice’s incessant Vince Young cock-slobbering but also with that new Babyeating-Sisterfuckers logo.

Bud?  Satan is eagerly awaiting your arrival.  Between throwing tornadoes at Arkansas, the bullshit in the Middle East, and the reunion of New Kids on the Block*, poor Satan is running out of ideas.  Asshole.

Finally, some good news.  Pit bull afficionado and unaccomplished wifebeater Jerome Mathis signed with the Washington Politically Incorrect Redskins.  To that I say, good riddance to bad garbage: you and Daniel Snyder are a whiny match made in Heaven.

Oh, what’s that?  I’m a stinkin’ hypocrite because I’m the same guy that wants to trade for Pacman Jones?  Well, you are partially right.  To me, the difference is that Mr. Glass had his toughness and commitment to the team questioned continuously, while Pacman is considered a hard-worker and good teammate.

Here’s hoping everybody has a tornado free weekend!

* Is it me, or do you think Little Dickie Justice, age 12, sprouted wood the moment he heard about the reunion?

Mr. and Mrs. Glass

Feb 20, 2008 Faggination, Fake Conversations with Real People, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Johnny Fisterbottom, Pro Bowl 2008, Too far?, Tremendous Busts, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?

February 15, 2008. Manvel, TX. 10:30PM.

Jerome Mathis: (in car, to himself) Damn. DAMN! I have completely fucked up. Fuck. She is going to be pissed, too. Why the fuck did I let the dogs get out? After the year I had…man…I’m fucked.

(pulls into driveway, goes into house) Erica! Erica?! You here?

Erica Smith: (from upstairs) Yeah, I’m upstairs. Hold on. I’ll be down in a minute.

Mathis: (to self) Fuuuuuck. OK, Jerome. Hold it together. You’re a Pro Bowler; you’ll get a job somewhere. And she loves you for you…y’all having a baby together and shit. OK, here she comes. Stay calm. Don’t get defensive… (to Smith) Hey, baby! How was your day?!

Smith: Motherfucker, how do you think my day was?! I am fucking pregnant. I threw up this morning, then I was tired, then my feet started hurting, then I threw up again, then I had to nap for a while. That’s how MY day was. But that’s not what concerns me right now. What concerns me is whether you talked to McNair about what we talked about last night.

Mathis: Yeah, I did.

Smith: And?!?

Mathis: He said the team wasn’t entirely sure if they were going to bring me back. He said the pit bull incidents really having him questioning whether I have the right kind of character to be a Houston Texan.

Smith: You ignorant motherfucker! I told your stupid ass to chain those dogs up! Did you listen?! Fuck, no, you didn’t listen. You just let those mutts go out and maul some people. Brilliant. Asshole. Did you at least mention that you were a Pro Bowler not that long ago?

Mathis: Yo, you need to ease up off me a little bit. I thought I told you I wasn’t going to put up with that kind of tone anymore.

Smith: Fuck you, jack. Who the fuck do you think you are? Motherfuckin’ Ron O’Neal or somethin’? Talkin’ ’bout I better not talk to you like that.

Mathis: Look, bitch, seriously…I’m not going to put up with much more of this lip.

Smith: Whatchu gonna do, then? You ain’t gonna hit a pregnant woman. Besides…remember what happened last time you tried to pick a fight with me. You want your ass kicked again?

Mathis: Bitch, I told you I had a sinus infection. And I was kinda drunk. You can’t take me in a fair fight and you know it!  I’m in the NFL, goddamnit.

Smith: Yeah…that “F” stands for “Fragile As A Motherfucker.”

Mathis: I am leaving before you make me break my foot off in your ass.  (turns to leave, pauses, turns back) Hey, where the hell is my phone charger?  I need it–my Blackberry is dead.

Smith: Just like your career, apparently.

Mathis: Shut up. Just go get my charger. (shoves Smith)

Smith: Make me, bitch.

Mathis: That’s it.  It’s on now! (grabs Smith by the throat) Yeah! You like that?! You like…wait…what the fuck…LET GO OF MY NUTS!!! OW OW OW OW OW!!! FUUUUUCK!!!! (begins weeping)

Smith: Yeah! You think you’re bad?! You ain’t bad! You ain’t shit!! Get the fuck out of my house, bitch! (throws him out the front door, locks it behind him, heads back upstairs)

Will Demps: (from closet) Everything cool.

Smith: Yeah, baby. It’s cool. Come give mama some of the black throbbing Jesus before I call the police on his unemployed ass. I love me some Pro Bowler sex.

Hula Dancing 101 (3 credit hours) Instructor: Prof. Mario Williams.

Dec 14, 2007 2006 Draft, 2007 Season, Awesomeness, Black Salaami, Curious Coaching, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Morlon Greenwood, Posts that list too many players, Reggie Bush, Rosie Rosenfels, The Future, The Schaub Experiment, Undrafted Free Agent watch list, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?

It wasn’t that long ago that Comcast cable decided to slip on the old sandpaper condom and bend me over by moving the NFL Network from basic cable to the “Sports Entertainment Package” and charging extra if I wanted to watch it. I have to say…that was the best extortion I’ve ever been victim to. In all honesty, following last night’s impressive win, I would have paid five times as much for the NFL Network. [Author's Note: If anyone at Comcast reads this and bumps the price up, I'll fucking blow your shit up. For real.]

Anyway, what you witnessed last night–from the pitch-perfect opening drive to the Mario Williams show–was the most complete and most dominant game your Houston Texans have ever played. Ohmygoditsbulletedlisttime!!!!

• Like you don’t know where I am going to start. Mario Williams–excuse me, SUPER Mario Williams–is a bad motherfucker. He’s like Shaft, but with a better 40 time. Who’s the defensive end/ that just sacked Cutler again?/ MARIO!/I can dig it. Seriously, though…wow. As one of roughly nine people in the world who liked the Mario pick from day one, watching last night’s game gave me a weird sense of satisfaction. 13 sacks on the season, our single-season and career sack leader (besting immortals Jeff Posey and Kailee Wong, respectively), and, by all accounts, a great guy and an emerging lockerroom leader? Fuck Reggie Bush.
• How great was that first drive to watch? The line held up well, Darius Walker ran just enough to make the play-action make sense, and Andre Johnson had his way with the Denver DBs. Seeing how much Andre’s mere presence changes this team, there are a whole lot of “what ifs” about this season that revolve around him not missing eight games. After all, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say his presence would have been worth at least one more win, possibly two. Atlanta? Tennessee? Indy? How much different is this year if he’d stayed healthy Kubiak hadn’t allowed him to get hurt?
• Morlon Greenwood continues to be the most underrated player on this defense. 12 tackles, solid in both pass and run defense, and a couple big hits. I don’t know about you, but I will take that out of my Will every single Sunday. Or Thursday.
• Two dropped INTs aside, this patchwork secondary continues to play miles above their heads. That play Jamar Fletcher made in the endzone was as good a recovery as you’ll see. Fred continues to develop nicely. Smoove Will might have butter fingers, but he is hitting people like they are standing between him and sweet virgin ass. Girl ass, even. Getting Petey out of there and getting the defense to blitz (more on that in a second) has made all the difference in the world for this unit. When (if?) Dunta comes back healthy, he and Bennett should be a better one-two punch than we’ve ever had. Or, if we really want to give me a raging boner, we could sign Nnamdi Asomugha and let Dunta play free safety, where he could hit people and go after the ball without worrying that the surgically repaired leg was going to hamper him in one-on-one coverage. Just sayin’.
• If you are Rick Smith, don’t you HAVE to sign Andre’ Davis to a multi-year deal with some guaranteed money and just tell Jerome Mathis not to let the door hit him on the way out (lest it break his fragile spine)? Davis was fantastic in the receiving game when Johnson was out and he’s become a kick return ninja of late. Why not ink him?
• Mario Williams. Just wanted to mention him again.
• ND Kalu…nice to see you again!
• Whether or not you are on the Sell Sage bandwagon, you have to admit that he did nothing at all to hurt his value last night. He even offered the slowest bootleg TD run in history and capped it off with a Special Olympics bronze-winning dive.
• I have no idea how he did it, but Ephraim Salaam managed to make Elvis Dumervil a non-factor last night. If you’d given me 100-1 odds that Salaam would pull that off, I still wouldn’t have touched it. That was beyond surprising.
• Early in the second quarter, a friend of mine in NY turned on the game and, almost immediately, sent me a text saying “was that a Texans blitz?!” You bet your ass it was. Over the last two weeks, this defense has worked straight linebacker blitzes (especially using Charlie Anderson off the edge) and zone blitzes with Anthony Weaver and/or Anthony Maddox dropping into coverage to fill the holes. Now, I ain’t sayin’ that the powers-that-be read my little truck stop/strip joint on the information superhighway, but I am pretty sure I’ve seen this before. Now…how is it that it took them 13 weeks to figure this out?
• As with any game, win or lose, there were some things that still need to be fixed. First, Jacoby Jones–seriously, what the fuck? How can he be Dante Hall in the preseason and Dante Hicks in the regular season? Second, can someone PLEASE explain to me why Vonta Leach is getting so many looks in the passing game? General rule: Your run blocking FB getting a one-yard TD run? Acceptable. Your run blocking FB getting a 23-yard pass thrown his way on a skinny post route? No gracias, amigo.
• It feels weird to be this far into a recap without having mentioned DeMeco Ryans. Playing on a bum wheel, he notched six tackles and was a half-step short of getting a sack. Meaning he is better with a bad ankle than a lot of linebackers are at 100% health.
• Finally, kudos to Darius Walker and Ron Dayne on a very productive night running the ball. 24 carries for 143 yards and a TD is something we’ll take from the running game every single week. I am right at the point where I feel like we should keep the Dayne Trayne around next year as our RB2. Preferably behind Michael Turner or Felix Jones.

So, that’s that. 7-7 with two potentially brutal games upcoming. It could be better. It could be a lot worse. Fuck it…bring on the Colts.

Odds and Ends

Dec 11, 2007 2006 Draft, Andre Johnson, Awesomeness, Curious Coaching, Houston Chronicle, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Richard Justice is a talentless hack., Super Mario, The Fred, The Schaub Experiment

Random tidbits of stuff that I would normally do a full post on if this last fortnight hadn’t been ridiculously busy.

• Apparently, someone has kidnapped Richard Justice and replaced him with Pollyanna Sunshine. I replied to the old “he can’t play” email with a message that said simply “care to retract this?” I expected another smart-ass answer, or no answer at all. Instead, I received his answer two minutes after I sent my message. “Yes, I do. That was wayyyyyy wrong.” Color me shocked.
• BRB was all over this when it broke, but it appears Jerome Mathis (a) owns a number of pit bulls and (b) somehow managed to let some of them escape. Dumb? Sure. But also awesomely hilarious. Thank you, Jerome; you may not give the team anything on the field, but you just gave me an early Christmas present.
• Not to be Debbie Downer (who is Pollyanna Sunshine’s goth cousin), but how painful is that loss to Atlanta now that you see the wheels completely off down there? Seriously, your coach just up and walked away from the team during the season so he could take the job with a middle-of-the-road SEC team that’s about to lose Darren McFadden and Felix Jones? That cannot be a good sign.
• I realize I haven’t really posted anything about the win over Tampa Bay. Like a number of you, I was forced to follow on gamecast because the weather prevented me from getting a good Sirius signal in the house. My thoughts on the game, based on what I got from the live blog and what transpired on my computer screen, are as follows:

• Mario Williams is a bad, bad man. I look for him to knock Jay Cutler somewhere into the middle of next week.
• Morlon Greenwood is underrated (and I have been saying so since the preseason, thank you very much).
• Andre Johnson against regular DBs is a lot like when I play against some of the third graders I coach. The fact
• that we had to play without him for much of the year still pisses me off at Kubiak.
• Why was totally-unproven Matt Schaub the most prized backup in football, but Sage gets almost no press at all? Shouldn’t we be able to get a couple second-rounders for him?
• Will Demps is playing like a ninja. A love ninja. Really, other than gets rolled by Jamal Lewis a couple weeks ago, he’s been playing lights out. Which is really weird to say regarding any of our safeties since…um…ever.
• Fred Bennett continues to impress. Jacoby Jones continues to disappoint. Petey Faggins continues to be not playing very much. These things are good, bad, and awesome, respectively.

• I am strangely thrilled about having a Thursday night game. Which is only odd because, prior to this week, I was annoyed by the Thursday games. It’s a really cool idea (an extra night of football) that’s really poorly executed (a channel that a whole lot of people can’t get) and that gets in the way of my prognosticatin’ (because I generally do those on Friday or even Saturday). This week, though, it’s nothing but good.
• UPDATE: It was pointed out by grungedave that I failed to mention that I am the greatest football prognosticator of all time. Pay no attention to the previous week when I was awful, because I rocked a solid 15-0 last week. That’s balls, baby. Big balls.

You say "Echema," I say "Echemandu"

Oct 13, 2007 2004 Draft, Amobi Okoye is 20, Free Agency, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha, RB free-for-all

I didn’t mention it on Wednesday, but the Texans signed Adimchinobe Echemandu–known as “Joe Echema” at Cal before he decided to go back to his real Nigerian name–to the practice squad. (There was an extra spot after we filled Jerome Mathis‘ roster hole.)

Anyway, it could be the fact that it’s late and I’ve been drinking or it could just be the paint fumes getting to me, but I am sorta jazzed about this signing. “Why,” you ask? A number reasons.

First, the simple fact that we signed him may mean that Samkon Gado is not factoring into our long-term plans. Which is good, because he sucks.

Second, though, and more importantly, is that when Echemandu is not injured, he’s fast. No, scratch that. He’s fast. He was banged up and didn’t run the 40 at the combine in 2004, but he turned in a 4.33 into the wind the summer before. Had he run that time at the combine, it would have been the fastest time in that year’s RB crop. Not shabby. And not surprising, as Joe was a sprinter before turning to football full time. He has had some injury issues since and has been very limited in playing time in the NFL, but that kind of speed is hard to come by. If you can get it at a discount like this, why not take a shot?

Third, Echemandu is a cousin of Nnamdi Asomugha. Do not underestimate how excited this makes me.

Finally, Joe is the fifth Nigerian-born player under some sort of contract with the Texans right now, joining Amobi Okoye, ND Kalu, Samkon Gado, and WR Gbolahan Devin Aromashodu. I suppose the way Amobi talked early in camp about Kalu being like a mentor/big brother to him is what makes me like this signing of Echemandu, as I buy into the idea of players overachieving when placed into highly comfortable situations. And that idea ties into us somehow luring Asomugha here in the offseason. Yes, I am slightly obsessed.

Lions and Tigers and a complete lack of football

Oct 7, 2007 2007 Season, Black Salaami, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Preview, The Fred

Following the less-than-shocking placement of Jerome Mathis on IR, the Texans activated Harry Williams from the practice squad. Williams spent last spring in NFL Europea, and one has to imagine that he’ll immediately get some work, what with Andre Johnson out another week and all.

Clearly, however, he was activated in an effort to get Jacoby Jones back on the field as soon as possible. Jones, a former Lane College Dragon, has sworn a murderous blood oath against all former Tuskegee Golden Tigers.¹ Consider yourself on notice, Harry.

In other news, potential savior of all-mankind² Fred Bennett has been practicing enough with the first team that he will “rotate in to spell Faggins at times,” as will Fletcher. I am going to be optimistic and assume that the talk of not one, but TWO guys ready to take reps is code for Petey being on a short leash like one of those hyper, spazzed-out kids at your local mall.

The fact that Jason Taylor is pissed off by his own play thus far in 2007 frightens me. Not that I don’t have a reasonable amount of faith in the Salaami, but I could see him being abused by an angry Taylor.

Finally, if you have my cellphone number, feel free to text me updates, especially as to how Faggins is playing. I am going to be wandering around the Memphis Zoo during the game and gamecenter only tells one so much.

¹ This may not be true.
² This may be an overstatement.

Texans facts for your post-lunchtime reading

Oct 5, 2007 2007 Season, Injury bug, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Matt Turk rules, The Schaub Experiment

1. Jerome Mathis is injured. This is not surprising. What is surprising, however, is that no one really seems to know what the problem is. They’ve narrowed it down to his fibula, but, otherwise, are still in the dark. Señor Cristal is going to miss “some time,” but, much like the injury, no one is sure about the details of that, either.

2. In other news that is good only for friends and family of Dexter Wynn, Jacoby Jones is out for the game against Miami as well. And how much does it suck to get hurt by any punter not named Matt Turk?

3. I know this isn’t exactly scientific, but Matt Schaub is currently on pace for 4020 yards, 20 TDs, 12 INTs, 74% completions, and only 24 sacks. FYI–all of those numbers except INTs would be team records. Also FYI–the NFL single-season record for completion percentage is 70.5% (Ken Anderson, 1982).

Hurt so good

Oct 2, 2007 Andre Johnson, Batman, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Ron Dayne likes pie, The Fred

Oh, speaking of Fred Bennett, there is some apparent good news on the injury front. Kubiak is optimistic that Jacoby Jones and Jerome Mathis (as well as Bennett) will be back at practice today. There is also hope that Ahman Green (aka The Only Running Back Worth A Damn On The Whole Damned Roster) will be back later in the week, which would be good news for everyone except Ron Dayne and Samkon Gado.

There is no real timetable for the return of Andre Johnson, however, which is less-than-good news. HoustonTexans.com has a video wherein AJ says that he has “been lifting on it” and that “the doctor…thinks that [Johnson's] PCL is completely healed.” Johnson also said that he would up the intensity of the rehab today or Wednesday, but stopped short of giving a timeframe or saying for sure whether he would be on the field against the Dolphins.

Sashay, Shantee

Aug 4, 2007 Andre Johnson, Athletes who don't stab people, Chocodiles, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Michigan Wolverines, Posts that list too many players, Shantee Orr, Shawn Barber and Danny Clark

Going into camp, two pretty wide-spread assumpion were that Jerome Mathis would wind up being cut and Shantee Orr would compete with Charlie Anderson for the starting SLB role.

Oh, how things can change in a week.

First of all, it appears that Mathis is healthy and playing well at WR. (Plus, he’s still really friggin’ fast.)

It’s the best football practice he’s had since I’ve been here, Kubiak said of Mathis. There was a little buzz tonight, some people out here. You can tell his juices are flowing, and if he keeps this up and stays on the field, he’s going to have a special year. We’ve just got to keep him going. He hasn’t worked much at receiver, but he’s progressing. That was nice to see the things he did tonight.”

Then, today, we get this nugget from camp:

WR Jerome Mathis continued his fine play, with several catches, including a leaping one that covered 40 yards.

So… where does that leave us? At first blush, this development would seem to be the worst case scenario for Bethel Johnson. There is absolutely no reason to keep Mathis Lite on the team if the full-calorie version is healthy and productive. If we assume Mathis makes the team, that’s four spots filled (along with AJ, JJ, and K-Dub). I see no way we keep more than six WRs, meaning Apostrophe Davis, Keenan McCardell, David Anderson, the aforementioned Bethel, and a couple scrubs will be duking it out for two spots.

On the other side of the ball as well as the other side of the keep-drop ledger, Shantee Orr has apparently gone from being a starter in 2006 to being unemployed in 2007. Chalk it up to some combination of Orr’s nagging injury, Kubes’ affection for Charlie Anderson, Danny Clark’s versatility, Shawn Barber’s experience, and the emergence of Zac “Choco” Diles, but Shantee seems almost certain not to survive the first real round of cuts.

Linebacker Charlie Anderson hasn’t recorded a start in his three-year career with the Texans. But if his production in training camp is indicative of the future, that statistic may need to be revised, according to Kubiak.

“When I look at the defensive side of the ball, I think Charlie Anderson’s really separated himself,” Kubiak said. “When you look at the linebacker group, you look at Morlon (Greenwood), you look at DeMeco (Ryans), and you look at Charlie. Then right away you go to Zac Diles, and you go to Danny Clark. Shawn (Barber) is missing time, but Shawn looked good. You look at those six, and chances are you’re going to keep six. Those guys have kind of distinguished themselves day in and day out.”

One notable omission from that list is last year’s starting outside linebacker Shantee Orr. Orr has been slowed by injuries this camp, and the fifth-year pro out of Michigan will need to return quickly in order to compete for his roster spot, let alone his old job, Kubiak said.

“He got bruised, some type of bruise the first day of practice, and just continues to not be able to be out here,” Kubiak said. “It’s very important for him to get out here for him to make this football team.”

I fully admit to being a pro-Shantee guy. Hell, I’ve posted at least twice that I thought he would be the starter and would have a pretty good season. That said, I am far from broken up about this; if the linebacking corps is so solid this year that we can cut one of last year’s starters, that is a good thing.

David Carr is mercifully absent from this post

Jul 1, 2007 Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Offensive (punch)Line, Preview, Ron Dayne likes pie

The offensive side of the ball is a little more settled than the defensive side, so we’ll lump the special teams question marks into this post as well.

Position: WR2
Incumbent: Eric Moulds (no longer with team)
Players involved: Kevin Walter, Jacoby Jones, Andre Davis, Keenan McCardell (?)
Analysis: The story over the past six weeks has been that Kevin Walter is our second receiver. Of course, the team then turned around and worked out Keenan McCardell, so I’m not sure how sold they are on K-Dub.¹ I know that I’m not sold on him. Rookie Jacoby Jones has impressed in college all-star games and possesses serious, game-breaking speed. One can argue that such speed would be better utilized in the slot, and maybe that’s true, but given the choice between Jones and Walter, I still lean to Jones. Veteran malcontent Apostrophe Davis is the dark horse here. I mean, he was brought in for a reason and I’m pretty sure that reason wasn’t “to play the fourth receiver role.” So, I look for him to either win the #2 slot or be cut–I can’t imagine keeping him otherwise. Jerome Mathis does not figure into this discussion.
Prediction: Unless McCardell signs with the team, Davis wins the job early on and gets supplanted by Walter or Jones later in the season.

Position: LT
Incumbent: Ephraim Salaam
Players involved: Charles Spencer, Salaam, Jordan Black, Eric Winston
Analysis: Let’s be real clear about something: This is Charles Spencer’s position as soon as he is healthy enough to play it. Now, while Carmine Pirone told me via email that Spencer was working hard and was going to give it a go at the beginning of camp, other writers at the Chronic have suggested that Spencer is going to start the season on the PUP list. If he can’t go, it’s primarily between Salaam and Jordan Black and Kubiak has been pretty clear that he prefers Salaam. The darkhorse is Eric Winston, who played LT at The U and has gotten some reps over there this summer. Physically, he’s probably the best of the rest (not counting Spencer), but that would be asking him to play a new NFL position this year and would thrust rookie Brandon Frye into a starting role as well (or require Salaam and Black to switch sides… I don’t like either alternative). If Spencer never comes back, maybe Winston is the long-term answer, but not this year.
Prediction: Salaam, until Spencer comes back. Winston in 2008 if Spencer is still PUP.

Position: RB2
Incumbent: Technically, Samkon Gado
Players Involved: Gado, Ron Dayne, Wali Lundy, Darius Walker
Analysis: I’ve avoided most of the backup battles, but the RB2 will get plenty of touches in this offense, so it’s worth discussing. As of this instant, Ron Dayne is penciled in. Problem is, Ron Dayne is pretty much awful. I don’t care that he led the team in yards last year; 612 yards doesn’t even give me a semi. Gado showed flashes in Green Bay, but Harvey Williams once showed flashes in KC–it doesn’t always translate to continued success. Lundy was supposedly going to be the man after Domanick Williams (nee Davis) went down, but that never really happened. Walker was an undrafted free agent², but who knows if he will even make the team? It’s not like we are going to carry five RBs. In the end, this battle becomes the equivalent of being the prettiest girl in Clovis, NM–not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Prediction: Dayne in Week 1, but more or less a carousel all season.

Position: KR/PR
Incumbent: Jerome Mathis
Players Involved: Mathis, Jacoby Jones, Dexter Wynn, Wali Lundy, David Anderson
Analysis: Mr. Glass has likely seen his last reps as a Texan. Kubiak seems incredibly fed up with Mathis’ inability to keep from hurting himself and also seems enamored with Jones’ breakaway speed in the return game. Currently, the NFL.com depth chart lists Dexter Wynn as both the KR and PR, but I don’t think that matters much (with his 22 YPR on kickoffs). And, If Lundy really is in the mix for the RB2 position, I don’t figure him to be also returning kicks (especially since he can’t return punts), though he’s probably a better choice than Anderson.
Prediction: Jacoby Jones, unless/until he takes over the WR2

¹ It’s possible I’m the only person who refers to him as this.
² Probably should have gone back for another season, eh Darius?