The legend of the BE-SFs
Sep 17, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Bud Adams is evil, Logo by Chris
How, you might’ve asked yourself, how did the name “Baby Eating-Sister Fuckers” come to be? Well, it all started with this little video by Steph.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve thought it a million times: this video is the reason the Internet exists. Period.
Ladies, gentlemen, and the functionally illiterate: Baby Eating-Sister Fuckers!
Dear meth-laden BE-SF fans*: A love note from bfd
Aug 19, 2008 Broken Record, Bud Adams is evil, Logo by Chris, Suck it bitchez, What the fuck?
Earl Campbell? Really?
When Earl chose Houston to call his home, he knew no one man could do it alone.
That, if you don’t know, is a lyric from “Big Bad Earl” by Tom Cantrell. But if you are an average BE-SF fan or a complete dumbass like August West, aka cumsucker, you wouldn’t know that, would you? And why would you not know that?
Because Earl Campbell never played a game in that back-assed state. That’s why. How is this concept even remotely confusing?
Sure, we can blame the makers of the poll for this error the same way we can blame your 6th grade English teacher because you still think it’s spelled “kat,” but that misses the point, doesn’t it? You morons simply don’t understand that the Oilers aren’t your team. It never was, and it never will be.
And contrary to Tom’s argument, there is plenty of justification to be pissed. Bud Adams did his best to alienate the city of Houston at every opportunity. That fucker’s only interest is self-interest, and he hated that Bum Phillips and Earl Campbell and the waiter at Los Tios were far more popular than he was. For that prick, the goal was never to win, but to make as many shiny dimes as possible. As far as I’m concerned, Bud Adams is a perfect fit for you people: you can have him, but you cannot have the Oilers.
After all, how many of you actually cheered for the team? How many of you invested every NFL Sunday rooting for them? And how many of you actually *WATCHED EARL CAMPBELL PLAY?* None? Or is it less?
I will end with, fuck you to all who voted for somebody other than Steve McNair or Eddie George. To those who did vote for those guys? Thank you for actually paying attention.
Again, I say to anybody who rooted for the Oilers while they were in Houston and followed that “loyalty” to TN: you are a fucking idiot of epic, titanic proportions.
Yours in Durga,
bfd
* Excludes Tman and NTT, both of whom I actually like and enjoy reading what they have to say, even if I disagree.
Urge to kill…rising.
Aug 19, 2008 Anger, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Bud Adams is evil, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Fuck, His name is Earl, Logo by Chris, Righteous Indignation, Teams that aren't the Texans
In a move that is likely to make stacy’s head explode, BE-SF fans voted Earl Campbell their greatest player ever.
Now, say what you will about how they kept the Oilers name/records/etc. Once you CHANGE NAMES in a NEW STATE, all bets are off as far as holding on to the past. You can keep the Oilers as part of your franchise timeline, but you CANNOT lump Earl in as the greatest Titan ever…BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER A TITAN. To claim otherwise makes you an absolute fuckrag. No one likes a fuckrag, man.
To those who will say “but it was for the greatest Oiler/Titan ever,” I call bullshit. The team (or, more accurately, it’s sodomite owner) wanted out of Houston. Fine. And, honestly, had they remained the Oilers this whole time, even the choosing of Earl Campbell would be justified, if slightly dirty. But they didn’t. They shitcanned the city of Houston, then punted the team name a short time later—basically, they started fresh without having to waste years as an expansion team. And, in doing so, they offended 95% of the Oilers fanbase.
Was Earl Campbell the greatest Oiler ever? Of course. Was he the greatest player ever owned by Bud Adams? Of course. Did he have a single goddamned thing to do with the state of Tennessee or the Titans? Nope. And I bet he’s happy about that.
Besides, to hear some of you BE-SF fans tell it, shouldn’t Vince Young have won this vote hands down?
Your “Vince Young, Intangibly Great QB” moment of hilarity
Aug 15, 2008 Intangibly Great, Logo by Chris, Preseason 2008, Stats, Teams that aren't the Texans, Vince Young can't read this post
Oh, yes…it’s back for another year.
vs. Oakland: 4-13, 37 yards. 0 TD. 0 INT. Sacked once.
But at least he rushed for four yards!
John Clayton eschews reality-based analysis, decides Young is next great QB
Aug 12, 2008 Logo by Chris, Overrated, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Ranting, Rebuttals, Vince Young can't read this post, Vinsanity, Weak-ass arguments
No, really. Time to fisk.
The Pittsburgh Steelers‘ personnel officials assembled on the practice field in Latrobe, Pa., Sunday to watch workouts for Byron Leftwich and Daunte Culpepper, two talented quarterbacks who went through the offseason looking for work instead of preparing for the season.
Replacing Chaz Batch with Leftwich or Culpepper? Was Kordell Stewart unavailable? How about Spergon Wynn? Could no one reach Shaun King?
They were amazed. “What are these guys doing on the street?” scouts muttered to themselves.
What were they doing on the street? Hanging out with other people who are not viable NFL QBs, I guess. Oh, and in Leftwich’s case, eating. A lot.
Both quarterbacks are in great shape. They are big and physical with powerful arms.
And all the mobility of a tectonic plate.
Both have been winners in this league.
Jacksonville was 24-20 in games started by Leftwich. His best record as a starter was 8-3 in 2005. Winner winner, give this man his chicken dinner.
Feeling as though they had hit the lottery for a quick fix while Charlie Batch heals from a broken collarbone, the Steelers signed Leftwich for the minimum salary.
Their version of the lottery sounds a lot like Shirley Jackson’s. Can I volunteer to throw the first rock?
The NFL chews up quarterbacks like patrons at a football game devour hot dogs. Alex Smith, the top pick in the 2005 draft, is struggling in San Francisco and could be beaten out by journeyman J.T. O’Sullivan. Matt Leinart is the starter in Arizona, but one stumble could bring Kurt Warner into a starting role again. Rex Grossman isn’t exactly wowing them in the great Chicago Bears quarterback debate.
Yes, it is the NFL’s fault the the QBs you just mentioned are shitty. That makes sense. All failed QBs fail not because of their own lack of talent, but, rather, from the evil NFL machine eating them like a hotdog.
With Peyton Manning sidelined with a knee infection and Tom Brady nursing an ankle injury, you wonder, “Where are the next great quarterbacks coming from?”
Hmm…let’s see. My guesses for places you could look for the next great QB would be: 1. Cincinnati 2. New York (Giants) 3. New Orleans 4. Denver 5. Dallas 6. Washington 7. Houston 8. Jacksonville 9. Cleveland and 10. Anywhere other than Nashville or Kansas City.
On a recent trip to Nashville, Tenn., to see Titans quarterback Vince Young, I saw hope for the present and the future.
Well fuck me runnin’.
Young might not be a fantasy football delight because he’s not a numbers guy, but in time, the numbers might come.
“he’s not a numbers guy” = “he fucking blows as a QB under any traditional metric you might care to use, save for ‘being ambiguously gay at da club,’ where he is among the league leaders.”
In the meantime, Young, under the instruction of offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger, is taking the next step in developing into an elite NFL quarterback.
Step 1: Run just enough as a rookie that people overlook your mediocre passing.
Step 2: Regress in your second year, cease to run, and ride a great defense to the playoffs.
Step 3: Throw your offensive coordinator under the bus.
Step 4: ???
Step 5: Profit?
Heimerdinger watched all of Young’s game tapes and developed a plan for taking his immense talents to the next level.
That plan was relayed to Vince using simple, crayon drawings:
While Young is still a work in progress, the Titans are fortunate to have a quarterback who can be a winner on the field while he learns.
Obligatory reminder: VY’s career record: 17-11 (0-1 playoffs). Rex Grossman, WHO CLAYTON JUST SAID SUCKED ABOUT FOUR PARAGRAPHS AGO: 19-11 (2-2 playoffs).
“Eventually, I think he’ll be pretty darn good,” Heimerdinger said. “This guy’s physical presence is amazing. He’s 6-4 or 6-5. I didn’t think I would see anybody bigger than Steve McNair and John Elway, two guys I worked with.”
So, there you have it. Vince will be good because he is tall. Other tall QBs who came in with a lot of hype: Todd Marinovich (6-4) and Ryan Leaf (6-5). (Also, Heimerdinger didn’t think he’d ever see someone bigger than McNair (6-2) or Elway (6-3)? Really? Chad Pennington, whom he worked with, was as big or bigger than both of those guys.)
Young has Michael Vick-type running ability, but his height gives him a downfield edge when he stays in the pocket to pass.
Which would matter if he ever stayed in the pocket to pass. And if he could read defenses.
In two seasons, he has gone through some interesting configurations. Coming out of Texas, he was a running quarterback who could throw.
And who could probably spell his name if you spotted him the “V-I-N-C.”
He went 8-5 as a rookie starter in 2006 and was billed as the NFL’s next star. He was on the cover of the Madden game. He threw for 12 touchdowns and ran for seven. He was the offensive rookie of the year and earned a trip to the Pro Bowl.
He also threw 13 INTs, which John leaves out because that would be the verbal equivalent of using teeth in this written blowjob.
Not only did he beat the Madden jinx by starting 15 games last season, Young, through his leadership, took the Titans on a surprise ride to the playoffs.
Yup. That’s exactly what happened. The playoffs had nothing to do with Tennessee having the best defense in the league. It was Young’s “leadership” that took them to playoffs. That leadership included standing away from all the other players, pouting like a little ho when he was not the starter in the game at Houston. But that kind of leadership is so powerful, it can overcome a 9 TD, 17 INT, year. That leadership is not fazed by a fall off in yards per attempt, yards per completion, or yards per carry. Amazing. He’s like General fucking Patton out there.
Despite that success, things were holding him back.
Based on what we’ve seen and heard from him, I’m betting those “things” were Norm Chow and the itchy, restrictive nature of shirts.
He played a good portion of the season with an agonizing quad injury that handcuffed him.
Little-known fact: An injured quad makes it so that you can’t see the opposing teams’ defensive backs, thus forcing you to throw into coverage a LOT.
Worse, he struggled in his second season, trying to be more of a pocket passer than a multidimensional quarterback.
Sooo…the “next great QB” struggled when trying to be a QB? Weird.
“My quad, man, it was bad,” Young said. “Every week you get it better, then you go out and play and hurt it again. The quad would get weak. I was taking those pills for the pain. I was running around trying to make plays when it’s not there. The quad is definitely back where it needs to be although I still have a little hole in there.”
Brett Favre thinks you are a total fucking pussy if you can’t plan through some pain while hopped up on Vicodin. Also, just fyi, the fact that the pain pills make it not hurt during the week does not mean it has gotten “better.” Further, if it was that bad, why the fuck didn’t you take a few weeks off and rest/rehab it, especially since the team did not miss a beat with Vodka Collins at the wheel. (Because, you know, that whole “we’re riding our defense” thing)
Heimerdinger returns to the Titans at the right time for Young. Having worked with McNair and Elway, Heimerdinger knows how to craft a plan for a talented quarterback.
OK, first of all, the next person to mention Heimerdinger and Elway in the same sentence gets smacked in the head. Mike Heimerdinger was the WIDE RECEIVERS COACH for the Broncos from 1995 to 1999. He had literally DICK to do with developing John Elway. Yet that is exactly what Clayton is insinuating.
Secondly, though, Heimerdinger also worked with Brooks Bollinger and Chad Pennington when they were in their developmental stages as QBs and neither of them became much of anything. (That’s called an “understatment.”) So, it looks like ‘Dinger does well when he has a talented QB (McNair) and not well at all when he doesn’t. Which makes him no different from anyone else, really. Besides, you can argue pretty convincingly that it is EASIER to devlop a talented QB, so McNair’s development under Heimer (which, incidentally, came after McNair had been starting in the league for three years, which is the point where many QBs make a large leap in terms of production) is not some merit badge for the OC.
FINALLY, all of this presupposes that Vince is a “talented” QB in the same manner that Elway and McNair were, which has yet to be proven.
Norm Chow, the Titans’ offensive coordinator the past two seasons, helped in Young’s early development but a different set of eyes was needed.
The first thing Heimerdinger did was work extensively on defense recognition.
Not a bad plan.
Young was lax in making pre-snap reads in his first two seasons.
Yes, yes he was. And Mike Vick was “lax” in taking proper care of his pets, Charlie Casserly was “lax” in properly evaluating free agents and trade proposals, and John Clayton is “lax” on supporting his arguments with anything resembling proof.
For Young, it was back to school and he had plenty of tutors.
The Titans signed veteran tight end and former Atlanta Falcon Alge Crumpler, who’s known as much for his recognition of defenses as he is for his pass-catching ability.
So, they had to bring in someone to yell out the correct answer to Vince? “R-o-C-k!” “Ohhhh, the ‘c’ is silent!” Sounds like the teaching of Vince was going really well.
Crumpler often bailed out Vick during Vick’s mad scrambles by putting his big body in a spot where the quarterback could see it.
I fail to see how Mike Vick being consistently bailed out by a TE will make Vince a better QB. I mean, when the guy is having to change his route on the fly and go get the ball from the QB, it doesn’t really sound to me like the QB is “developing” as a QB. For example, imagine I am horribly shitty at my job (real stretch, I know). Then, one day, my boss hires a co-worker who, for whatever reason, is an incredibly hardworker and he does all his work and all my work, but I still the get the praise and the bonuses. Have I “developed” as an employee? No. Of course not.
“I see the maturation of Vince,” Crumpler said. “I just want to make sure he doesn’t lose his confidence. Can he weather the storm of being the third pick in the draft and can I be one of those guys who help to get him there? Eli Manning took all the shots in his first few years and he weathered the storm. It’s a great story. I would hope the same thing can happen to Vince.”
And Ryan Leaf took all the shots but didn’t weather the storm. I would hope the same thing can happen to Vince.
Vick’s dogfighting trial and later imprisonment were the story in 2007, as much a part of the daily headlines as Brett Favre’s divorce from the Packers this offseason. That experience adds perspective to Crumpler’s move from Atlanta to Nashville to help Young.
Huh?
Vick’s demise and Crumpler’s season of noncommunication with Bobby Petrino were a personal hell for the Pro Bowl tight end and his Falcons teammates. Being with Young is heaven to Crumpler because he can help.
Ah, ok. Because Crumpler lost his starting QB to federal prison, that makes it much better for him in Nashville. Fine. Whatever. Glad he’s happy. Quick—name all the QBs who have gone from below average to great due to the signing of a veteran TE!
“Look at it, Vince threw nine touchdown passes and 18 interceptions last year,” Crumpler said.
Close, Alge. Though it’s funny that you just made his numbers even worse than they really were.
“He had the Pacman Jones distraction.
Everyone who thinks Vince struggled to throw the ball because Pacman was in trouble with the law and suspended by Herr Goodell, please raise your hand.
He had an injury.
Fair enough. Though, again, if it was so bad that he was hurting the team by playing, then he should have been benched or placed on IR. If it wasn’t bad enough to affect his play, then it shouldn’t be an excuse for his play. But, still, I’ll grant the injury as a viable thing that might have distracted a young QB.
Yet he wins 10 games and goes to the playoffs in the AFC South, a tough division.
Actually, he “won” 9 games, at least according to how such things are recorded. In reality, a much better argument can be made that the team won many of those games despite Vince’s play:
Week 1: 11-18, 78 yds, 1 INT, 1 rushing TD, 1 fumble. Team wins.
Week 5: 20-33, 157 yds, 3 INT. Team wins.
Week 8: 6-14, 42 yds, 1 fumble. Team wins.
Week 9: 14-23, 110 yds, 2 INT, 1 rushing TD. Team wins.
Week 16: 12-22, 166 yds, 1 INT, 3 fumbles. Team wins.
Week 17: 14-18, 157 yds. Team wins.
We have a quarterback. His game management just has to get a little bit better. He’s a difference-maker.”
He’s a difference-maker as a QB like ebola is a difference-maker as a weight-loss tool.
In his first practice this summer against non-Titans, Young completed 22 of 26 passes against the Rams last week in a scrimmage.
Two questions: 1. What were the other numbers, John? 2. You do realize that scrimmage (not even a preseason game!) is rather meaningless, right?
Despite the struggles with confidence and the quad injury last season, Young improved from a 51.5 to a 62.3 percent passer.
And his TD % went down, his INT % went up, and his number of passes over 20 yards went down. Besides, David Carr was a 68% passer in 2006 with a similar YPC and a better INT %. I don’t see anyone calling him the next great QB.
In his third season, he’s starting to figure out who he is as a quarterback.
Mediocre and overrated.
“I’m going to try to be rookie year Vince Young that everybody was talking about,” Young said. “I’m going to go out, win games and try to go further in the playoffs.”
Rookie Year Vince: 51.5% completion, 12 TDs/13 INTs, 12 fumbles, 146.6 passing YPG, 8-5 as a starter…way to set those goals high, Vincent.
His improvements are noticeable.
IN TRAINING CAMP. NOT IN A REAL GAME. PLEASE REMOVE YOUR PBS-LOGO-LOOKING HEAD FROM HIS CROTCH.
Thanks to his offseason of studying pre-snap reads, Young is comfortable behind center. Heimerdinger has worked him in drills to improve his footwork.
File this under “Things They Hope You Have A Basic Grasp On When You Enter The League.”
“Different drills improved my base on five- and seven-step drops,” Young said. “Now, I’m keeping my feet underneath me and I’m sliding up and moving in the pocket. I’m not just standing in one place and bouncing. Having my feet underneath me, I’m throwing more accurately. You watch Tom Brady. He brings his whole body with him when he moves in the pocket. Sometimes, I would use my arm more and not bring my whole body with me.”
You know who else was fundamentally flawed as a thrower when he entered the league? David Carr. All kidding aside, though, did you really just mention Tom Brady in a paragraph about your own development? That feels wrong on a number of levels.
Heimerdinger showed Young tape of how he would stand eight yards behind the line of scrimmage, bouncing with his feet and looking downfield.
“Bouncing with his feet,” huh, John? What the fuck else would he be bouncing on? That’s quality sportswriting. I suddenly have this feeling that you are going to work some ridiculous pun into this article.
If Young had to run, he was so far behind the line of scrimmage, it would be hard to make a gain.
Yet people talked about how he was a much better runner than a passer. Odd.
From reads to foot placement to depth in the pocket, Young is starting to turn old school. He’s getting better.
Translation: Now that he is learning some of the most basic tenets of quarterbacking at any level, Young is starting to at least resemble a real QB. (As for the “he’s getting better,” again, can we PLEASE wait until he does something in a real game before we start throwing this shit around?)
Thanks to Young’s development, remember the Titans when picking playoff contenders.
Welcome to Punsville, population: you. Admit it, you ugly fuck—you wrote this whole goddamned article so you could use that shitty quip, didn’t you?
