DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Opening Salvo

Jan 2, 2008 2007 Season, 2008 Season, Barbaro is dead, Batman, Black Salaami, Boulware, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Free Agency, I'm not a doctor, Mark Bruener, Matt Turk rules, Nnamdi Asomugha, Posts that list too many players, Roster, Secondary issues are primary, Sign Andre Davis now, Tremendous Busts

Certain discussions in football are incredibly dependent upon context. Take, for instance, “who is the greatest player of all time?” Without contextualizing the question, we can have different answers and all might be correct. If you are asking “who was the most dominant in his era,” the near-universal answer is Jim Brown. If you are factoring in which player had the biggest drop-off in talent between himself and the second-best player at his position, Lawrence Taylor is a popular answer. And if you are considering longevity coupled with a high level of performance, a case can be made for Larry Allen, Emmitt Smith, or even Brett Favre if a person is so inclined.

Discussing the draft is no different. Before we can have any sort of serious discussion regarding our needs (both perceived and real) and how the draft can meet them, we have to answer the following:

• What is the 2008 contribution from Dunta Robinson likely to be?
• What is the 2008 contribution from Charles Spencer likely to be?
• Is Travis Johnson going to be on the 2008 Texans?
• Which of our free agents are going to be re-signed?
• Which free agents from other teams are we looking at?
• Which role players/reserves from this year played well enough to challenge for an expanded role next year?
• Which starters played poorly enough to “earn” their outright releases?

Let’s try to tackle these. Everything from here is on is my best guess, so feel free to correct/mock/taunt me in the comments.

1. What is the 2008 contribution from Dunta Robinson likely to be?

The facts: According to this article (hat tip to reader Eric, who keeps me abreast of stuff almost daily), Dunta is taking rehab seriously and is progressing well.

“I know myself, and I know what I will do to get back on the field,” [Dunta said].

Unless you enjoy being wrong, don’t doubt him.

He might be moving slowly with a limp [as of now], but at some point next season, No. 23 will throw his body around Reliant Stadium, making hard-hit highlights.

***

The most likely scenario calls for Robinson, 25, to be placed on the physically unable to perform list entering camp. If he isn’t ready at the start of the season, he would not be eligible to be activated until after the sixth game.

Though he has been told he is ahead of schedule in the rehab, he smartly realizes to rush would be foolish.

Really bad grammar aside, no one is currently ruling out the possibility that he will be back on opening day. Now, given the severity of the injury–see video here–it might be a little much to expect a September return, but what if he is ready to go by October? With Dunta and Fred Bennett, it would make very little sense to draft a CB at 18. (This is doubly true when you consider that this draft isn’t exactly rife with big name cornerback talent–not only would be drafting redundantly, but you would be reaching to do it.)

One strange sub-question to this is what if Dunta does return as planned in 2008, but is not as fast as he was prior to the injury? Because I know we don’t want to hear it right now, but there is no guarantee that he can rehab his speed back to what it was (or even what it needs to be to be a top corner). If this happens, as a couple people said shortly after he was hurt, it might just make sense to pencil Dunta in as a free safety when he returns, allowing him to play the ball and still knock the piss out of people, but without expecting him to also turn and run with the Reggie Waynes of the world. In such a scenario, obviously that second corner position is an issue. I’m just not sure it is an issue to address via the draft.

Predicted answer to the question: I think Dunta returns in mid-October and, by November, is in “playing shape.” He might be slightly slowed, but any conversion of him to safety would be in 2009 at the earliest.

2. What is the 2008 contribution from Charles Spencer likely to be?

The Facts: If it seems like a really loooooong time since Spencer got hurt, you are not imagining things. He had surgery on the broken leg on September 18, 2006, meaning that 103 weeks will have passed between that date and opening day 2008. Now, of course, the good news is that there was some talk and hope going into 2007 Camp that Spencer would play at some point this past year. While that didn’t happen (obviously), the team website reports that Barbaro is expected to participate in the team’s offseason conditioning program.

To have been cleared for such workouts, Spencer’s rehab would have to be completed to his personal physician’s satisfaction and he would have to have been evaluated by the team doctor. So, apparently, 2 out of 2 medical professionals agree that Spencer is healthy enough for NFL workouts. That’s a start. Much like with Dunta, however, there is no way of knowing short of seeing Spencer play whether he was able to rehab to the level of an NFL left tackle.

Also similar to the Dunta situation, if Spencer does not have the quickness and explosiveness needed to take on professional defensive ends, the team is not without options. Fred Weary is a free agent and Chester Pitts was less than stellar for much of the year, so moving Spencer to a guard spot is certainly a possibility. Given his bulk and athleticism (6-5, 350 compared to 6-4, 307 for Weary and 6-2, 320 for Pitts), lining him up beside Eric Winston or a real–read: not Ephraim Salaam–left tackle would certainly be an asset to our running game (unless it is foolishly decided by the powers above that we are going to convert to a pure zone blocking scheme).

Predicted answer to the question: I think that Spencer will be at 100% of whatever his post-surgery ability is and that Kubiak will give him every chance to win back the LT spot. For better or worse, unless Spencer is visibly way too slow, has some sort of major surgery-related setback, or Jake Long/Sam Baker falls to us at 18, I’m guessing that Spencer is our guy going into next season.

3. Is Travis Johnson going to be on the 2008 Texans?

Facts: Travis is a loud-mouthed, under achieving jerk. While his taunting of Trent Green was hilarious (to me), his play has never been such that we can absorb his stupid penalties and brain farts.

Prediction: This organization values “character” and “appearances” more than just about any team ever, so I really can’t see how Travis is on this roster come September. He will be gone either through trade (if we can find a sucker) or outright release closer to June 1, either of which is fine because we need a real nose tackle anyway.

4. Which of our free agents are going to be re-signed?

Facts: The following are my predicted fates for the unrestricted free agents:

• Roc Alexander–gone w/ no offer
• Charlie Anderson–signed
• Kevin Barry–gone w/ no offer Oops.
• Mark Bruener–gone? retired? neither?
• Danny Clark–signed
• Andre’ Davis–signed
• Ron Dayne–signed
• Will Demps–signed
• Glenn Earl–gone w/no offer
• Von Hutchins–gone b/c offer withdrawn after Wynn signs
• ND Kalu–signed
• Cedric Killings–gone (retired)
• Jason Simmons–gone w/ no offer
• Matt Turk–signed
• Fred Weary–gone b/c unable to perform in 2008
• Dexter Wynn–signed

And for the restricted free agents:

• CC Brown–signed
• Anthony Maddox–signed
• Jerome Mathis–gone b/c he’s a fragile wuss
• Scott Jackson–signed

Quick Review:

Unrestricted Free Agents have four or more seasons of service and have reached the end of their contract. They are free to sign with any club through the first day of the first scheduled NFL training camp. After that, their exclusive rights revert to their original club (if that club made a June 1 tender to these players) and that team has until the Tuesday after the 10th week of the season to sign the player. If the player does not sign, he must continue to sit out the rest of the season.

Restricted Free Agents have completed three accrued seasons of service and have reached the end of their contracts. They have received offers from their old clubs, but can negotiate with any team until April 21. If a new team’s offer is accepted, the old club has the right to match the offer and keep the player. If they do not match the offer, the old team might receive a compensatory draft pick (subject to how much the new team’s offer was).

Notes regarding predicted answer to the question: I have been going back and forth on whether they will sign Mark Bruener. He’s a great run blocker, but he’s old as hell, so it wouldn’t shock me to see them carry Joel Dreessen if they want a third TE or for them to keep Bruener because they release Putzier. I think the Von Hutchins/Dexter Wynn thing comes down to who signs first and, god, I hope it’s Wynn. I think Demps wins out over Glenn Earl and I think that is a good thing. Finally, I think they keep Turk for another year unless someone releases a top-tier punter for some odd reason.

5. Which free agents from other teams are we looking at?

Facts: We have a better free agent budget than in some recent offseasons, but we are still not free and clear of some of the dead money (Domanick Davis Williams, anyone?) Keeping in mind the overriding philosophy of not over-spending on big names and putting character at the forefront of any player evaluation, here are some names at key positions that I could see us considering (my favorite at each position is linked to player info):

RB–Musa Smith, Derrick Ward, LaBrandon Toefield, Michael Bennett, and Justin Fargas. Notable omissions–Michael Turner (price), Julius Jones (not good)

DE–Marques Douglas, Bobby McCary, Travis LaBoy. Notable omissions–Jared Allen (character, price), Justin Smith (price)

DT–Ethan Kelley, Isaac Sopoaga. (This position is likely better filled through the draft) Notable omissions–Albert Haynesworth (character, price), Pat Williams (I was an idiot and overlooked his extension signed in September, so he’s not a free agent like I had been saying)

S–Gibril Wilson, OJ Atogwe, Mike Doss. (This position is extremely thin in free agency this year) Notable omission–Ken Hamlin (slight character concerns, overpriced due to Pro Bowl)

CB–Keith Smith, Domonique Foxworth, Nnamdi Asomugha. (Yes, I realize Asomugha’s predicted price tag, but if the team thinks Dunta will not be back in 2008 or will not be back to his old self, I think Smithiak realizes the value of a shutdown corner. Plus, I am hoping that his low INT total this year will temper the cost.) Notable omission–Asante Samuel (will think he’s worth too much and won’t talk to smaller-market teams)

OT–Jordan Gross, Stacey Andrews, Adrian Jones. Notable omissions–Flozell Adams (age), Cory Lekkerkerker (not enough Ks for jersey if he’s signed)

6. Which role players/reserves from this year played well enough to challenge for an expanded role next year?

Facts: The injuries to 94.35% of our roster this season gave us an extended look at some guys who under normal circumstances would have gotten nothing but scout team and special teams reps. Honestly, this was the one silver lining to come out of the bubonic plague that struck our locker room.

Not counting free agent guys like Andre Davis and Charlie Anderson, the three guys who jump to mind are Earl Cochran, Kasey Studdard, and Zac Diles. Last one first, Kubiak said recently that Diles had shown an ability to possibly play the other LB positions, so I could see him getting a chance to earn the SLB position in camp next year. This is not ideal–I’d much rather have a pure SLB over there–but if we can’t resign Charlie Anderson and Danny Clark, it might not be the worst thing to happen. Cochran showed a real nose for the ball every time he got in there and he even earned a starting role for the last game of the season. Studdard is a coaching staff favorite and showed real potential on the interior.

Predicted answer to the question: If the team is able to get a big nose tackle either through the draft or through free agency, it would not shock me to see Cochran given a chance at the starting defensive end gig next summer. I like the guy, so this would not bother me. Diles’ opportunity to earn a starting role is going to be limited to a total departure of the other SLBs on the roster or the untimely death of DeMeco Ryans. Finally, Studdard should be in line to compete for an OG position, especially if Spencer is playing OT. There’s also a chance that Brandon Harrison or Brandon Frye could compete, but, again, that is going to depend more on who leaves this offseason than what either actually did during the 2007 campaign.

7. Which starters–other than Travis Johnson–played poorly enough to “earn” their outright releases?

Facts: Anthony Weaver is the highest-paid player on this team, yet he was not even among the five best DEFENSIVE players we had this year. That is unacceptable. Shawn Barber started off fine, but injury derailed him. Still, that might be enough to earn a ticket out. Ahman Green I cannot discuss without getting angry. DeMarcus Faggins should lead this list, but he seems to have some sort of soft spot in the hearts of the leadership. Jeb Putzier…I’m pretty sure he is still on the team, though you wouldn’t know it by watching the last 8 games. Jordan Black was atrocious from day 1. Mike Flanagan apparently subscribed to the Jordan Black newsletter. Finally, Michael Boulware was decent on special teams, but horrid in coverage. If you listen real closely, you can hearing him whiffing on another assignment as I write this.

Obviously, there are salary cap implications for cutting any of these guys. Based on the best numbers I could find, the cap hit for each guy would be as follows (and remember that you can split guys cut on June 1 over two seasons as well as 2 guys cut prior to June 1 but designated as such):

• Weaver: $8.1MM
• Barber: $1.4MM
• Green: $3.75MM
• Faggins: $425K
• Putzier: $950K
• Black: $900K
• Boulware: $0 (unless there are some hidden bonuses that I missed)
• Flanagan: $1MM
• (Johnson: $2.7MM)

Keeping Weaver is going to cost us $6.2MM against the cap, so it depends entirely on whether losing him is worth roughly $2MM plus whatever his replacement costs. Then again, if he is one of the June 1 guys, you are saving money ($4.05MM vs. 6.2MM) in the short term. Knowing this, I think he’s either gone or will be “asked” to restructure his deal. Same deal with Green, though I say it is less likely that he is given the chance to restructure because he is cheaper to cut than to keep ($3.75MM vs. 5.1MM). Deciding whether to keep the others listed here depends less on dollars and cents and more on long-term planning for the franchise.

Predicted answer to the question: Like I said, I think Weaver is either not a Texan or is not under the same contract come September, but I am betting it is the latter. I think Green is giving his walking papers, which he will carry with a limp. Faggins stays around be he’s cheap, they like him for some reason, and because God likes to torture me like that from time to time. Putzier…I’m going back and forth on. I think he’s gone if they keep Bruener and vice versa. Boulware and Flanagan are done. Barber stays because he’s versatile and is good leadership for some of the younger ‘backers.

*****

So, about 2700 words later, there you have it. One obsessive-compulsive fan’s look at the background questions that have to be answered before we can form a coherent draft strategy. I’m sure I missed something in there.

.500

Dec 30, 2007 2007 Season, Awesomeness, Chad Stanley, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Free Agency, Matt Turk rules, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Posts that list too many players, Ron Dayne likes pie, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Secondary issues are primary, Sign Andre Davis now, Stats, Team Records

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your non-losing Houston Texans.  There were a lot of statements made in this game, both good and bad. At the end of the day, however, the fact that we won our eighth game overshadows every single thing I am about to write.

• Dear Texans Fans, You’re welcome. Love, Andre Davis. Seriously…that was amazing. Hell, it was Hester-esque. Between what he offered as a WR when Andre Johnson was out, how well he played on punt coverage (highly underrated), and his contributions as a kick returner, we would be ridiculously stupid not to sign him to a multi-year deal. As an added bonus, signing him means we don’t even have to consider re-signing Jerome Mathis, which is good if only because Mathis might hurt himself signing the contract.
• Dear Matt, How’s that for “not good?” Love, Darius Walker. I apologize for doubting you. No, you might not have the fastest top-end in town and, no, you might not be able to get the corner against a fast defense, but you have fantastic vision and you don’t dance around behind the line. Like I said over in the Game Thread, it seems like Walker hits his top speed–whatever that may be–instantly. So, what he might lack as an open field runner, he more than makes up for between the tackles. Fact: If you take away his 41 yard run, Walker still averaged 5 yards per carry; if you include that run, he averaged 8.6. Nice.
• Dear Petey Faggins, I don’t think your pre-game pointers helped. Love, Von Hutchins. Wow…as surprisingly good as Walker was, that’s how shockingly bad Hutchins looked. It got to the point early on that I half expected Garrard to come to the line, find Hutchins, and start laughing before the snap. Even Tina Turner wasn’t abused like that.
• Dear Von Hutchins, Thanks for the opportunity! Love, Dexter Wynn. Much like how Kubiak pulled Faggins out of the Atlanta game to try and stop the bleeding, Wynn replaced Hutchins for the most part after the second TD that Hutchins coughed up. Dexter looked surprisingly solid, especially when you consider the size he was giving up to the Jacksonville WRs. He wasn’t perfect and you sure wouldn’t want to go into the season with him as your CB2, but he might have gotten a leg up on Hutchins in the “which one will we re-sign” battle (both are unrestricted free agents).
• Dear Sage Rosenfels, About that whole trading-for-you thing…nevermind. Love, NFL GMs with QB Problems. Short of sporting bouffant hair and wearing white gloves, I don’t know that it would be possible for a player to damage his trade value more than Sage has the last two weeks. While he wasn’t atrocious or anything to day, he wasn’t anywhere approaching “good.” Even the TD pass to Daniels was on a poor throw and required a great grab by the big TE. Of course, he later felt the need to hit an opposing DB between the numbers for his weekly INT. He’s still a good backup, but any talk (by me) of getting a third-round or better pick for him or any talk (by others) about a QB controversy needs to be put on hold. Let’s all take a deep breath and move on.
• Dear NFL QBs, Be afraid in 2008. Very afraid. Love, Mario Williams. No, our resident sackmaster didn’t get the one he needed to pass Patrick Kearney, but Jacksonville was clearly concerned with him from the first snap. This was some of the most blatant holding of Mario we’ve seen this year, but the refs seem to have already put him in the category of elite pass rushers that can be held with near-impunity. I don’t think it’s a stretch to expect at least 18 sacks out of Mario next season. Reggie who?
• Dear Richard Smith, How did you manage to make Quinn Gray look like Peyton Manning? Love, Texans Fans. Here’s a thought–and I think we’ve been over this before–but when your secondary is getting worked like Jenna Jameson’s labia and you are letting a backup QB throw for four TDs, maybe you shouldn’t completely abandon the blitz. Because, maybe I am crazy, but it seems like you would have seen over the past month how much better this entire defensive unit is when you are blitzing and you would have used that knowledge against the Jags so they didn’t pick you apart with their gigantic WRs against your patchwork defensive backfield. Just sayin’.
• Dear Rick Smith, Please get rid of Richard Smith before he forces me to climb a clock tower and start shooting student nurses. Love, Matt.
• Dear Rick Smith, I think I deserve more than $1.3MM next season. Love, Ron Dayne. The Trayne ended this game with 88 yards (4.2/carry) and 2 more TDs, giving him a team-high 773 yards (career high) and 6 rushing TDs. He also added career highs in receptions (17) and receiving yards (112). If we can get him back for any combination of bonus and salary under $2MM/year, I think we have to.

Other tidbits

• When he wasn’t busy misidentifying Texans or mispronouncing names, Dick Enberg mentioned that the forty-two points scored today was a new franchise record. This breaks the old record of 34, set against Carolina in week 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an offense.
• If I told you before the season started that Darius Walker would have more rushing yards than Ahman Green and that the two of them combined would have fewer than Ron Dayne, what would you have guessed our record to be?
• Chad Stanley, 2006: 41.6 yards per punt, 36.7 net. Matt Turk, 2007: 41.7 yards per punt, 37.9 net. Yet, despite their similarities, there were only a couple games where Turk worried me, as opposed to sixteen where I was concerned by Stanley. Weird.
• We won despite being outgained by 91 yards and having 3:34 less in time of possession. God bless Andre Davis.
• 8-8. Never has symmetry looked so nice.

I woke up Sunday mornin’ with no way to hold my head that didn’t hurt

Dec 24, 2007 2007 Season, Broken Record, Colts Shmolts, Curious Coaching, DeMeco Ryans, Dunta Robinson, God hates ugly, Kris Brown's golden leg, Matt Turk rules, Posts that list too many players, Rosie Rosenfels, Super Mario, The Fred, Travis Johnson, Von

In the spirit of the holiday season, let us start with the good things from yesterday’s game. This will be a short list.

• Mario Williams. Super Mario continued to show that he should not only be on the Pro Bowl roster, but should be a starter, putting up a sack in his sixth straight game and keeping pace as the AFC leader. It’s a bit premature, but I am going to come out and say it now–next year, anything less than 18 sacks will disappoint me. (He did get fooled on the Dallas Clark end around, but, Christ, who didn’t?)
• Earl Cochran. I have no idea how he does it, but Earl gets to the ball more or less unblocked more often than not. Hell, he made a tackle on the RB eight yards downfield at one point. He’s fast, aggressive, and has fluid hips that allow him to turn in space. If we don’t keep him around, it’s a mistake.
• Fred Bennett. I love The Fred. The back-to-back passes to Wayne (second one for a TD) notwithstanding, Fred played his ass off all day. 11 tackles, a forced fumble, two great breaks on balls to break up passes…the fact that he languished on the bench while Petey was out there stinking up the joint is still irritating. The good news, though, is that a Bennett/Dunta Robinson combo would mean we finally had two real CBs.
• DeMeco Ryans. Injured knee nothing. It pretty much doesn’t matter which direction the play goes or where Ryans is lined up pre-snap–if the ball leaves the QBs hand, there is roughly a 74.4% chance that DeMeco will be in on the play that brings the ball carrier down. Amazing. The announcers–who, by the way, sucked–mentioned that over the last two seasons, Ryans has more tackles than ANYONE in football. He’s good like that.
• Andre Johnson. Same as it ever was, AJ is just a monster. He’d have been even better Sunday had Sage not eyeball humped him as he ran his routes (more on that later).
• Andre Davis. The man is a special teams ninja.
• Matt Turk. Never a good sign when his 4 punts for a 44.5 yard average are a highlight.

Now for the bad. These are the little lumps of coal in the stocking of my life.

• The secondary other than Fred Bennett. Will Demps seems to knock the crap out of people on every hit, yet, strangely, he doesn’t really knock people flat on their asses most of the time. I can’t figure it out. Case in point, Kenton Keith took Demps’ hit head on, paused briefly, and then moved forward for additional yards. I like Will and I’m glad he’s been so good for us, but this could be a problem. Even more of a problem is the fact that C.C. Brown only hits people with any sort of authority when they are extended or not looking. When the opposing player could see him coming, Brown was as harmless as a fart on a windy day Sunday. Even more irritating, though, was the way he played his position (or, more accurately, didn’t play his position). He was nowhere to be seen on Joe Addai’s TD run (Charlie Anderson also whiffed on this one, but Brown was noticeably absent behind him), he got juked out of his shorts by Clark in the open field, he nearly airballed when he went to shove Clark out of bounds later, he was late to pick up Wayne in the two-deep coverage after Bennett released him, and he vacated his position on Clark’s second TD catch. But Brown was an All-Pro compared to Von Hutchins, who was used and abused by Wayne until Kubiak adjusted and put Bennett on Reggie. He was absolutely roasted on the 42-yard bomb to Wayne near the end of the first quarter (Why was Demps up at linebacker depth before the snap on that play if he wasn’t blitzing and where was Brown? Or did someone think it was a good idea to see if Hutchins could run with Wayne?). AND Hutchins was so late closing on WRs that caught the ball in front of him that they were twice tackled by a linebacker who had to first turn and then chase them down. Oh, and then there was Jamar Fletcher…
• Sage Rosenfels. I sincerely hope that this game will hush the “Sage is Baby Jesus” talk. Even if you don’t want to say he failed as a starter, the fact is that he has never impressed someone to the point that he was “the guy” other than when he was replacing an injured starter. Sunday, he showed us why. There were at least five balls thrown behind receivers, two of which were picked. He stared down his receivers from the snap and threw directly where he was looking almost every time. He forced throws to Andre Johnson when Walter and/or Daniels were wide open. This guy is a solid backup, but if someone wants to give us value for him, holding on to him is borderline retarded, because he is never going to be anything more than a solid backup.
• Darius Walker. I almost put him in the “good” list because he did look strong early and he ran the ball between the tackles well in the beginning stages of the second half. I put him here, however, because it became incredibly apparent that he is nowhere near fast enough to get the ball to the outside and create something out of nothing. The Colts adjusted to his early runs by keeping the LBs home and letting Walker decide whether to run into them or to take it outside where he was hauled down with minimal effort. Of course, seeing this, Kubiak decided it would be a good idea to pitch the ball to him eight yards behind the line and see what he could do (the answer: nothing). I like the idea of him as a third-down back, but that’s about it.
• Travis Johnson. This gets its own post.
• Kris Brown. You miss your only FG, you go on this list by default. Not a horrible game by the Husker, but he didn’t seem upset at all that he pushed that 49-yarder wide.
• Vonta Leach. Question: What good is a fullback who misses on his lead blocking assignments? Answer: No good at all, regardless of whether the coach and QB try to force passes to him. Leach played like butt. Now, part of this might have been due to Walker’s lack of speed; blocking for someone slower than you are probably takes a different approach. Still…man…never a good day when the FB stands out.

Other notes from the contest:

• Regardless of what the now-banned-commenter “Tom,” thinks, the problem Sunday was not the blitz getting burned. Only one of the TDs came against a blitz, and that was a weird phenomenon where we sent too many blitzers and the lanes got clogged up before we could get there. Otherwise, the problem was the Manning was picking apart our zone and then Reggie Wayne would abuse whomever was on him in man coverage. And that we couldn’t get to Manning whether we sent 4, 5, or 6 rushers. And that we couldn’t move the ball because Sage imploded after the second possession. AND because 3/4 of our secondary was playing like crap.
• Kubiak’s playcalling left a lot to be desired. Outside runs with Walker, sending Kevin Walter on a 6 yard route when you need 8, not going for it on fourth when we should have, using Andre Johnson on a hitch screen from our own 25, etc. Uninspiring at best.
• Owen Daniels continues to run hot and cold. He’ll make some great catches over the middle and get you all excited, only to irritate you when he alligator arms one in the face of a linebacker or fails to catch easy balls.
• Tony Dungy may be the nicest guy in the NFL or in the whole world. He might be a great father, husband, coach, and author. But he looks like a whiny ninny when he stands there and yells “no, no, no!” at the refs after they called one of the most obvious horse-collar tackles you’ll ever see.
• So much for the nine wins. At least we have one more crack at .500. I never thought I’d be so happy to be playing a team with absolutely nothing to play for. (Though you could argue that the Colts didn’t have much to play for, either…)

After further review

Nov 19, 2007 2006 Draft, 2007 Season, Andre Johnson, Matt Turk rules, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Reggie Bush, Righteous Indignation, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario

Regardless of how good it felt to watch our defense slap Reggie Bush around like he stole something, the most important thing about yesterday’s game was that it got us back to .500. This seems obvious, but consider the implications–a win meant that we needed to go 3-3 over the last six, while a loss forced us to go 4-2 if we were to break even on the year. Considering both our schedule and how we’ve played thus far, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that 3-3 seems infinitely more likely than 4-2. Thankfully, we don’t have to think about that today.

What we do get to think about is all the things that went right yesterday. IT’S BULLETED LIST TIME!!!!

• Andre m.f. Johnson. Welcome back, sir. Regardless of how well Apostrophe and K-Dub and the gang played in Johnson’s absence, one need only look at that gorgeous 73-yard TD strike to realize just how much AJ means to this offense. A person would not be incorrect in assuming that a healthy AJ for the entire season would have meant at least one more win (Atlanta? Tennessee? INDY???) and possibly more. Of course, this realization only increases my annoyance with Gary Kubiak for having Johnson on the field in the fourth quarter of a blowout at Carolina. Somehow, this has managed to be swept under the rug by the mainstream media–probably because they ignore us in general–but that lack of action by Kubiak towers over his clock-management skills in terms of how much it hurt us.
• Mario Williams. Dear Richard Justice, Eat poop. Sincerely, Mario Williams. I mentioned it yesterday, but six tackles (4 of which were on Reggie Bush) and a sack/forced fumble for Mario would be good in any game, but in a game like this, where he was under a national microscope, that’s out-freakin’-standing. (Speaking of the national spotlight, not to play the Rodney Dangerfield card again, but it’s indicative of the lack of respect we get nationally that people weren’t talking very loudly about how Mario outplayed Reggie; after all, were the roles reversed and Reggie the better player yesterday, NFL writers would have been all over it. Whatever.)
• Ron Dayne. Seriously? No, I mean, for really serious? I fail to understand the enigmatic pastry that is Ron Dayne. How can he cut back against blocks and sneak through holes for the occasional big run, yet not be able to get a 4th and 1? He weighs 245 pounds for christsakes. And why does Andre Ware keep telling me that Dayne is a “power runner?” Power runners get that single yard and fall forward; Dayne is merely a surprisingly quick fat guy. Still, nice performance yesterday, Krispy Kreme.
• Reggie Bush. Thanks for the two fumbles, douche nozzle.
• Owen Daniels. Two questions: How do you break your nose while wearing a football helmet and how bad ass do you have to be to play the game with a broken nose? I have no answer for the first one, but the answer to the second is “as bad ass as Owen Daniels.” Also, he got shafted on the fumble call (more on that in a minute), so his day of 5 catches for 72 yards with a broken nose was even better than it appears.
• Defensive line. Richard Smith continues to adhere to his “ewww, blitzes are yucky” philosophy, but the defensive line stepped up big yesterday. They had backfield penetration all day and even got a sack on a QB who had been sacked the league’s fewest times. They combined for 19 total tackles, 1 sack, and two forced fumbles. You can’t ask for much more than that without bringing some extra bodies. Of course, this performance shows that there is real talent in that front four, which leads me to believe that, in addition to avoiding blitzes like Karen Carpenter avoided cake, Richard Smith is having problems motivating his players. I know, I know…”they are professionals, so they shouldn’t need outside motivation.” Probably true, but they are also reasonably young, unaccustomed to winning consistently, constantly maligned by jerkwad Chronicle writers, and having to do the pass rushing duties entirely on their own, so offering some motivation and trying to get guys fired up might be necessary for a year or two. Hell, Mario played like a man possessed yesterday, almost certainly because he had the Reggie thing to spur him on. The other guys picked up on that, too. The defensive coordinator needs to at least try to light that kind of fire under his players week in and week out.
• Offensive line. Hmm…at the beginning of the year, when they looked really good, Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson were healthy. Yesterday, when they again looked good, Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson were healthy. Interesting. Still, they only allowed one sack and Schaub seemed to have enough time to go through his reads most of the afternoon. Kudos, large men.
• Matt Schaub. In addition to hitting Johnson and going through his reads well, Schaub also fired a laser to Joel Dreessen in the back of the endzone. I know a certain gloved QB who could not have made that throw even in practice.
• The secondary. For a group that was supposed to give up roughly 575 yards passing yesterday, they looked pretty damned good. Von Hutchins got himself an INT, just to show Stephanie that she was wrong about him, and the other guys played well pretty much start to finish. Who woulda thunk it?
• Kris Brown. If a story came out today that alleged Kris Brown was a ninja from the future, I would buy it completely.
• Matt Turk. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Other things worth thinking about, but from a not-so-happy point of view:

• Adimchinobe Echemandu. 1 carry, 1 fumble lost, -3 fantasy points for me. I fear I might have believed too highly in the talent of Joe Echema. Please prove me wrong, Joe. Please.
• Mike Carey and his Crew of Assclowns. OK…someone please tell me how in the hell a crew can consistently get every single call wrong. How is this possible? Even worse, how does the official get the part of a play being challenged wrong? OF COURSE Daniels lost the ball, tick turd; that’s not what you were supposed to be looking at. And the fumble Mario caused, where you just assumed after the fact that New Orleans had possession? How did that work? Oh, and what about the numerous times no one felt the need to flag illegal linemen down field? Do we not call that one anymore? I’m glad we won, just so this doesn’t sound like sour grapes, but that was an absolutely wretched job. Unfortunately, that was also the norm for a Mike Carey crew.
• Umm…I think that’s about it.

5-5. I’ll take it.

24-17

Nov 4, 2007 2007 Season, Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Injury bug, Matt Turk rules, Posts that list too many players, The Fred, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?

It wasn’t comfortable, it wasn’t injury-free, and, for the most part, it wasn’t pretty. But it will certainly do.

What went right?

• Hello, Ron Dayne. It’s good to see you again. I still cannot figure out how you slithered 14 yards for that TD, but it was much appreciated. Of course, the fact that you are our first 100-yard rusher this season makes me a little ill, but it explains a lot.
• Sage-to-Davis might be the homeless man’s 4th-quarter Montana-to-Rice. Or not. But it’s still really damn good right now.
• (Seriously, 122 yards for Dayne? I have no explanation.)
• Kudos to the pass defense. Three INTs (including DeMeco Ryans getting his reversed, then going and getting another) and only 158 yards allowed was a good showing. Sure, it was Josh McCown, but that still counts.
• Fred Bennett, in addition to getting his first career pick, played well in his first game as a starter. I am a big fan of the Fred. I still want Nnamdi Asomugha, but I love Fred.
• Kevin Walter was kept out of the endzone, but all three of his catches went for first downs. You gotta love that.
• Will Demps got a lot of reps and played well. Even the penalty called against him late was a shaky call (it didn’t really look like he led with his head according to both radio broadcasts). Plus, let’s not forget that he is “the most metrosexual brother in the NFL possibly.” That’s always fun.
• Amobi Okoye. Sack #5. VIVA OKOYE!!!
• Ahman Green–before he managed to leave AGAIN with an injury–looked awesome both receiving and rushing. For just a moment, I was beginning to not regret his signing.
• Danny Clark played like a man possessed for most of the game and came away with five tackles, an INT, and the knowledge that Justin Fargas fears him.
• Sage Rosenfels. Not spectacular. Just efficient. 180+, game-clinching TD pass, only one INT. What more can you ask from your backup QB?

What went wrong?

• Dunta Robinson’s injury. Look, all joking aside, it’s not my fault unless you really buy into voodoo and the like. Because, as we saw with the Colorado Rockies, the Almighty does not care about sports teams. Still, it sucks immeasurably. According to Tim, the injury looked like the type that ends seasons. And Kubiak’s post-game comments apparently echo this without saying as much. Damn.
• Petey Faggins. It’s bad enough that Dunta’s injury ruined what had been great news and forced Petey into action. But adding insult to that was the way Josh McCown decided, “hell, even I can throw on this dude.” The final TD that made the game, you know, close and un-relaxing? Guess who that was thrown at. Go on…guess.
• He started off on the good list, but that injury to Batman’s knee lands him down here, too. Seriously, Ahman? ANOTHER game cut short by injury? Thanks, dude. Remember early in the preseason, when I was suggesting that you’d give us at least 14 healthy games? Man…
• Matt Turk. It wasn’t that he was awful top-to-bottom, but that 10-yard punt when we really, really needed to pin them deep was so Stanley-esque that I screamed at the radio. Between that kick and last week’s muff, some of the new car smell is fading from Turk.

In the end, all that matters is that we won, of course. Still, reading that list, you wouldn’t think that a game with so many positives against a team like Oakland would have been that close on the scoreboard. If Turk hits that last punt deep, the game probably stays a 14-point margin.

Whatever. I’ll take it.

An election!? That’s one of those deals where they close the bars, isn’t it?

Oct 17, 2007 2007 Season, Athletes who don't stab people, DeMeco Ryans, Dunta Robinson, Kris Brown's golden leg, Matt Turk rules, Pro Bowl 2008, Super Mario

A person could make the argument that a number of Texans are worthy of Pro Bowl votes. Matt Turk comes to mind, as do Dunta Robinson, Kris Brown, Vonta Leach, and both of the busts on the defensive line. A vote for any or all of them would be rational and not simply chalked up to blind homerism.

That said, the most worthy of our players is none other than this blog’s namesake, DeMeco Ryans. Currently tied for second in the NFL in solo tackles, Ryans is the unquestioned leader of the Texans defense and has gotten so good so quickly that he routinely makes the extraordinary look ordinary.

Therefore, it is the goal of this blog to GET DEMECO RYANS ELECTED TO THE 2008 PRO BOWL! He (and I) can’t do it without you, though. Click that link. Vote early, vote often. Vote DeMeco!

Note: When filling out the ballot, if you are pressed for time, you can click and go directly to inside linebackers, vote for Ryans, and click submit without voting for any other positions. Or you can just fill out the whole thing, though I would suggest only voting for one AFC Inside LB (Ryans) instead of two, just to prevent other candidates from picking up extra votes.

Seriously, go vote. It’s your civic duty.

This message paid for by DeMeco Ryans For Pro Bowl, Matt Campbell treasurer

Texans facts for your post-lunchtime reading

Oct 5, 2007 2007 Season, Injury bug, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Matt Turk rules, The Schaub Experiment

1. Jerome Mathis is injured. This is not surprising. What is surprising, however, is that no one really seems to know what the problem is. They’ve narrowed it down to his fibula, but, otherwise, are still in the dark. Señor Cristal is going to miss “some time,” but, much like the injury, no one is sure about the details of that, either.

2. In other news that is good only for friends and family of Dexter Wynn, Jacoby Jones is out for the game against Miami as well. And how much does it suck to get hurt by any punter not named Matt Turk?

3. I know this isn’t exactly scientific, but Matt Schaub is currently on pace for 4020 yards, 20 TDs, 12 INTs, 74% completions, and only 24 sacks. FYI–all of those numbers except INTs would be team records. Also FYI–the NFL single-season record for completion percentage is 70.5% (Ken Anderson, 1982).

Now to me, that’s biscuits and gravy.

Sep 10, 2007 Andre Johnson, Inanity, Matt Turk rules, National Media, Super Mario, The Schaub Experiment

What other people are saying about the win.

From Fanhouse, though not from Stephanie.

This isn’t David Carr’s Houston Texans. Sure, new quarterback Matt Schaub wears the same No. 8 Carr sported in his five years in Houston, but that’s where the similarities end.

The Texans won their season opener for the first time since 2003 — a 20-3 shellacking of the Chiefs — and they did it behind a solid effort from their former first-round pick, and their new starting QB, something the club hasn’t been able to say, well, ever.

From Deadspin, where the KSK guys spelled it out nicely.

But Kansas City, with one of the best RBs in the game in Larry Johnson, sauntered into Houston and got skullfucked by the Texans. What. The. Shit? Andre Johnson caught 7 for 142 and a score. Schaub threw for 225 (1 TD, 1 pick). The Texans were on top for most of this game (or, pitching, if you will), and served a bit of notice to the League that their days as the doormat of the AFC South may finally be over.

The Chiefs finished the day at 3-for-11 on 3rd down conversions and 1-for-1 on screwing the pooch on opening weekend. But I give credit to the Texans, who finally got tired of getting the shit kicked out of them and deciding to hold serve on their home weekend.

From ESPN, where they absolutely refuse to ever give any good news about our team because it would make the offensive lines jokes harder to sell.

One game into the season and the Houston Texans are already looking for their third different starting free safety in a month.

Tenth-year veteran Jason Simmons tore the patella tendon of his left knee in the second quarter of Sunday’s 20-3 season-opening victory over the Kansas City Chiefs and will be placed on injured reserve, effectively ending his season. Houston lost its regular starter, Glenn Earl, for the entire season when he suffered a broken foot last month.

From CNNSI’s Don Banks.

The kid has taken his share of shots since Houston hung that No. 1 around his neck, so we feel compelled to note that Texans defensive end Mario Williams has more touchdowns (one) than Reggie Bush (none) this season. Williams had a big opener against the Chiefs, racking up two sacks, and returning a fumble 38 yards for his first career touchdown. For a week at least, the Houston fans can give the Williams-Bush debate a break.

From Liston’s diary at BRB.

I watched it, you watched it, the world watched it. The (rockin’ ass) Houston Texans beat the (mildly retarded) Kansas City Chiefs today , 20-3.

If you didn’t watch the game here’s some stats you can use to impress your friends. As usual, these are 100% fact.

1. You’re a douche if you didn’t watch the game. The Texans are the greatest team in the history of the free world.

2. Andre Johnson caught seven passes for 144 yards. Andre Johnson is to receiving what Jesus Christ is to Christianity

3. Matt Turk’s foot is made of solid gold. [the list continues and it's totally worth it to follow the link]

Schaub + Mario + AJ + DeMeco = 20

Sep 10, 2007 2007 Season, Athletes who don't stab people, Matt Turk rules, Reggie Bush, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario, Winner winner chicken dinner

As soon as the game ended, I wrote a post about it. Which I promptly deleted, because it was too… um… overreaching. To say the least.

Look, I know it was only one game. I realize that it’s possible (though not probable) that we could go 0-15 the rest of the way, making yesterday’s game beyond meaningless. I even realize that–protestations of their fans aside–the Chiefs might be one of the two or three worst teams in football right now.

Even knowing all of that, I can’t help but be excited about the way the game turned out. I mean, when you

• haven’t won a season opener since 2003,
• hold Larry Johnson to less than 50 yards rushing,
• far exceed even your own fans confident expectations,
• allow your fans to actually HAVE confident expectations for the first time,
• see your “bust” of a draft pick have the kind of thoroughly dominant day that you have been hoping to see out of him for a year,
• see your other, older bust (Travis Johnson) get a freaking interception off a guy who had only one all of last season,
• set a franchise record for the longest clock-killing drive in team history to finish off the win,
• have your all-world WR set a new career long TD reception, and
• watch your new QB do everything right where your old QB would almost certainly have done everything wrong (deep passes, pocket poise, team leadership, etc.),

well then, yeah, your fans are going to be as excited as they’ve been since September 9, 2002.

Because it’s a Monday and I am slightly hungover, you’re getting the rest of this post in bullet point form, too.

• The All White Pants Party (or whatever they were calling it) looked pretty cool. It’s not something I’d want them to do more than once or twice a year, but it should definitely stay as part of the rotation. Also, in a nice dose of irony, people living in the other city where a football team occasionally wears all white did not get to see the Texans’ version of that uniform.
• Mario Williams. SUPER Mario Williams. Look at this line: 2 sacks, 5 tackles, 1 FR (38 yds), 1 TD. He was also in on (though did not get any credit for) Kalu’s sack near the end of the game. He is already halfway to last season’s sack total. He has more TDs this season than Reggie Bush. Putting him on the other side and running twists and stunts with him made Mario look like a monster. I am ready to up the projected sack total to 14. (Oh, speaking of Reggie Bush, everyone’s favorite Future Hall of Famer averaged 3.2 yards per carry, with a long of 9 this week. Awesome.)
• At some point over this training camp, Travis Johnson won me over. I didn’t realize it until he picked off that pass, but I was genuinely happy for the guy.
• You want to know why Matt Turk is a fantastic addition? Look no further than that 59 yard punt (5.0 second hang time!) from our own 17 just before halftime. Not to pile on the guy, since he’s apparently “hurt” and all, but there is no way in hell Chad Stanley pulls that off.
• The only bad news that came out of yesterday was that Jason Simmons is gone for the year with a torn patellar tendon. If we weren’t so thin at safety, I wouldn’t even bat an eye at this. Thankfully, Von Hutchins played well in his stead and we have Boulware waiting in the wings. This is not a unit that can lose any more bodies, but I think we’ll be fine with the current pieces. Besides, Hutchins is the one “safety” we have who has shown any kind of nose for the ball. He had his preseason pick and then followed that up with the forced fumble that Mario recovered. In a perfect world, he would play FS and C.C. Brown/Boulware would rotate at SS, but beggars and choosers and whatnot.
• I’m not going to lie–after seeing how Carolina destroyed St. Louis yesterday, I am a little scared about next week. Unless Zoolander plays.

20-3, fool. How you like THEM apples, Herm?

So I says to Mabel, I says…

Aug 30, 2007 Chad Stanley, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Matt Turk rules, Ohio State makes baby Jesus cry, Preseason 2007, Preview, Secondary issues are primary

Three player-related notes on the eve of the 53-man roster.

I wonder if Chad Stanley¹ woke up this morning with a Jack-Bauer-esque countdown clock in his head. Considering it’s 83.2% certain that Stanley will get the axe² at some point between now and Saturday afternoon, it’s kind of fun to picture him racing around town today, trying to save his job. It’s even more fun, however, picturing him getting a pink slip on Saturday morning. Lord knows he deserves it.

Jacoby Jones continues to show that he is a pass-catching, punt-returning, country-music-listening³ super ninja bent on total NFL domination. He ended the preseason with 11 catches for two TDs to go along with his two punt return TDs. Which, of course, means that Kevin Walter is still the second WR. Because, you know, those two catches and two drops he had over the past four games were simply dominant.

I have a love-hate relationship with Brandon Mitchell. On the one hand, he worships at the altar of Woody Hayes and, thus, is a soulless puppy-eating incubus. On the other, though, he’s played well enough this preseason that I would actually feel better about our safety depth if he made the roster. Honestly, I would rather have him on the active roster than Brandon Harrison, whom Mitchell has outplayed in three of the four games.

Final roster decisions made today (trimming from 75 to 53) and most likely announced tomorrow. I’ll have my last set of projections up sometime today. Because I’m sure Kubiak is waiting for my input.

¹ The turd-eating pederast.
² Only figuratively, damn it.
³ Huh?

Texans pass on Pass. Please pass the peas.

Aug 29, 2007 2008 Draft, Chad Stanley, Dan The Assassin, Jon Abbate, Matt Turk rules, Michigan Wolverines, Offensive (punch)Line, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007

The team made two player moves yesterday, one surprising and one not so much. First, despite the fact that (a) he’d played pretty well, (b) Jon Abbate is nursing a bum bodypart, and (c) he’s not Jameel Cook, the team released RB/FB Patrick Pass.

I want to hope that this means Abbate is going to make the team (or, at the least, that we are going to keep a fourth RB) and that we will not have to deal with another year of Cook screwing things up. I suppose we’ll find out soon enough, like right around the same time we find out if Chad Stanley made some sort of deal at the crossroads with Jerry Jones and traded his eternal soul for the chance to punt in Houston in 2007.

The other move–the unsurprising one–was that Charles Spencer was put on the PUP list to start the season, meaning he will have to miss at least the first six games. According to Kubes, however, “it’s still a pretty long shot that he plays this year, but who knows.”

Spencer will (theoretically) be ready for Opening Day 2008, regardless of how this season turns out for him. If doctors determine that he’d be better served by not playing at all in ‘07, I am fine with that. That said, and coupled with the dearth of first round quality secondary talent next April, it would not bother me one bit if our first pick was Jake Long, Michael Oher, or Sam Baker.

The other question-marked positions (starter at SLB, C, and DT; survivor at P) should be sorted out some time between now and the fourth of never at this rate. Answers were supposed to come yesterday, then Friday, and now Saturday. My predictions are still Danny Clark, Steve McKinney, Anthony Maddox (though Travis Johnson has impressed me this preseason), and Matt Turk. Of course, the last one in that list is the only one that really matters, as that’s the only battle where the loser deserves to be shot in the face gets released.

The best part about all of this, though, is that it means we are only 11 days from a game that actually means something.

What do you call a crime ring in Dallas?

Aug 24, 2007 Chad Stanley, Dunta Robinson, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Jason Babin, Matt Turk rules, Offensive (punch)Line, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario, Teams that aren't the Texans

Zero. That’s the number of times Matt Schaub and Sage Rosenfels have been sacked this preseason.

Now, the optimist looks at that number and says, “I told you the line was improved!”¹ The pessimist, however, counters with “it’s just the preseason–hardly anyone gets sacked much this time of year.”

I suppose both sides have a point.

The realist, however, knows that this week is the true test of our new line.² Because, apparently, the girls from up north are coming to Houston and bringing a passel of blitz packages. Whiny protestations of John Lynch notwithstanding, I think this is a great opportunity for us to see exactly what we have up front and, perhaps even more importantly, to see how The Schaub reacts to pressure, collapsed pockets, and forced hot reads.

So far this preseason, the Cowboys have used their blitzing 3-4 defense³ to notch 3 sacks and 3 forced fumbles, to hold opposing teams to 42 yards per game rushing, and to keep teams under 200 yards passing. If we get through this game without Schaub getting sacked, you will have to like our offensive line going into this season.

On the flip side, the Cowboys’ o-line has allowed Tony “Slipperyhands” Romo to be sacked twice in 29 attempts, while completing just over 72% of his passes. If our front four can get pressure against this line, and maybe knock Romo on his butt two or three times my fears will be somewhat allayed. (Also, with Weaver looking less and less likely to start the season, one has to imagine that this game is an open audition for Kalu and Babin to figure out who will be starting on the left side against Kansas City.)

Things to watch for this week:

• Babin v. Kalu, part III
• Mario. Of course. Just so you are up to speed when McClain, et al, resume bashing him on Monday.
• CBs other than Dunta. Petey was torched last week and was most at fault for Edge’s TD. Fletcher has looked pretty good. Which, of course, means that Petey is still the starter. Huh?
• Our running game. For all the talk about how the running game has been solid enough to make play action mean something (and this is true), the “solid enough” has not translated to much actual real estate on the field. Now, they face an extremely stingy run D. Good Times!
• Kevin v. Jacoby. 2 against 2a. Though, if we looked just at performance thus far, this one shouldn’t even be a question.
• Turk finally, mercifully issues the coup de grace to Chad Stanley’s career in Battle Red. Somewhere, Tim smiles.
• Jordan Black. Just how bad can he be?! Tune in to find out.

¹ Or, if that optimist is also a grudge-holding type, “I told you David Carr was the cause of a whole lot of those sacks!” Then he makes some random joke about Carr and a vagina… you get the picture.
² Christ, that was a contrived way to start a post. I apologize.
³ Shake brings up a good question–what’s the point of the 3-4 if Ware just lines up as a DE on every play? Also, how long is Jerry Jones’ tail?

Texans v.2.0… not exactly bug free

Aug 11, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Chad Stanley, Chocodiles, DeMeco Ryans, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Jason Babin, Jon Abbate, Matt Turk rules, Posts that list too many players, Preseason 2007, The Fred

Ugh. That sucked.

I know, I know… it’s only the preseason and it’s only one game. And I know there were plenty of bright spots. For instance:

• Jacoby Jones. Wow. WOW. As a return man and as a WR, Jacoby lived up to the hype. If not for Ricky Manning’s penalty-inducing contact, JJ would have had a sweet TD to cap off his great night. If he isn’t our WR2 on opening day 2008, something will have gone very wrong.
• DeMeco Ryans. He was only in for limited action, but Ryans had his nose in the middle of everything. I saw NOTHING that would suggest a decline this year or any kind of sophomore slump. This guy is for real.
• Sage Rosenfels. Sure, he’s the backup, but he moved the ball well and spread it around. As a security blanket goes, we could do a lot worse. His line–16/26, 138 yds, TD–was all you could have asked.
• Jerome Mathis. He’s back. At least, it looks like it. He flashed that serious straight-line speed that made him a Pro Bowler not too long ago.
• Jason Babin. I would have bet you $50 that he wouldn’t be on this list. I would have lost. Babin flashed great chasing speed coming from the backside and an ability to shed blocks and make the play from the frontside. He played like (gulp) a first-round draft pick.
• Jon Abbate. They didn’t mention on the radio, so I have no idea if people held up five fingers at the start of the 4th quarter. What they did mention was that Jon was blocking extremely well and he even caught a pass. Man, I hope this guy makes the team.
• Zac Diles. I really expect this guy to make an impact on special teams this year. Nice intensity, nice motor. He also played well as a true LB near the end of the game.
• Matt Turk. One booming punt (58 on the fly) and one nice pin-point punt in the fourth (downed at the 11).
• ND Kalu. If Weaver isn’t ready to go in week 1, I am suddenly feeling a lot better about the prospect of Kalu filling in for him. Maybe work Babin into the strongside rotation, too. I’m breathing a little easier.
• Kick returners. Mathis, Bethel Johnson, and Andre Davis all looked good running back KOs. That said, if Mathis is indeed healthy, there is hardly a need to keep one of those other two, let alone both.

Still, in the end, we walked away with a big fat L. Which is what happens when you crap the bed. In the middle of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, we had such craptacular performances as:

• Jordan Black. He played positively awful, which would explain why the Chiefs fans called him “Turnstile.” I know I said David Carr caused a lot of his own sacks, but putting Jordan Black at LT will make the beating Sandy took look like he was wearing a red jersey in practice.
• Sam Gado looked like he had tunnel vision and cement shoes. This is not really what I am hoping for from our RB3.
• Bradlee Van Pelt looked like a third string QB–for a Special Olympic team. 1/7, a fumble that led to a TD, and a strange fascination with throwing to Joel Dreessen, which worked exactly zero times.
• Jamar Fletcher played passably decent as a nickel but got beat in standard coverage and Fred Bennett got completely lit up on the drive that ended with Ayanbadejo’s TD.
• Chad effin’ Stanley managed a whopping 35 yards on his vital 4th quarter punt, because he likes to make me throw things around the den. He also lucked out with a great roll on his first punt, making it look better in the box score than it actually was. Surely to god, this type of performance will get him his release sooner rather than later. I hate him.
• Earl Cochran had the bonehead running into the kicker penalty that kept Chicago alive with two minutes left, leading to their game winning FG. Nice one.
• Ron Dayne. I’m not sure how our short-yardage back can run three straight times for more or less zero gain. That was ugly. You know… Ron… you are a big (fat) dude. Maybe you could, like, lower your shoulders and actually deliver a hit. Just a thought.

This is not setting well. With 10 minutes to go, I was almost positive we had the game won. With 5 minutes to go, I was still optimistic. It all seems… um… familiar. And I don’t like that feeling.

OK. Breathe. I’m keeping myself positive. This was a fluke. It was all the fault of Van Pelt (or Stanley). The Colts have lost 10 of their last 11 preseason games. Etc.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have nine beers to drink in rapid succession. NFL Football is back, baby.

UPDATE: I should mention that these notes were the product of the radio broadcast, NFL Gamecenter, and the live blog at BRB. Which is to say they are subject to revision once I watch the recorded replay tomorrow morning. Also, I still hate Chad Stanley.

Kickin’ it in Houston

Aug 4, 2007 Chad Stanley, Matt Turk rules, Preview, Special Teams, Training camp 2007

For fans of most teams, a training camp punter battle would be slightly less interesting than Special Olympic tic-tac-toe. (And way less interesting than a cripple fight.)

Most teams, however, haven’t been privy to the Chad Stanley Experience.¹

How bad is Chad Stanley? Well, a Google search for “Chad Stanley sucks” turns up the following quotes:

Their current punter Chad Stanley is awful. Gardocki awful. Worse really, if looked at more than just last year. (Author’s note: This is from a Steelers fan.)

Chad Stanley? Yikes. This guy was brutal last year. My guess is he isn’t the only punter on the roster come training camp. They are probably (no, hopefully) searching for his replacement already.

This sucks. I’m sorry, Chad Stanley is now a terrible NFL punter. Hopefully this is something we can address with a late-round pick.

Chad Stanley laid an egg.

Even accepting that disgruntled fans are not the most unbiased observers, these quotes coupled with Stanley ranking 29th in Gross Average Yards and 21st in Net suggest that Captain Shank might not be the best man for the job.

Enter Matt Turk. The same Matt Turk who ranked 18th in Gross and 9th in Net last year in St. Louis. Yeah, you could say I’m excited.

Dale Robertson sums up just what Matt Turk could bring to our table.

The Friday morning workout was for special teams only and the punt team became the primary focus of the session. Veteran punter Matt Turk, brought in to compete with original Texan Chad Stanley, dazzled the attending media with a series of crushing punts, a couple of which looked like they were going to bust through the Methodist bubble top.

Rookie Jacoby Jones tried to field one and wound up shaking his hand in pain.

“He’s a boomer,” special teams coach Joe Marciano said. But he didn’t want to start a controversy, quickly pointing out that Turk and Stanley are very different types of punters and should be judged differently. “Chad doesn’t have any 70-yarders in him,” Marciano conceded, “but he’s been very effective in the 40- to 50-yard range, with hang times of 4.5 to 4.8 (seconds). One of those guys will be punting here this year and other one will be punting for some other team. They’ll both be in the league, I guarantee you that.”

Turk missed the 2005 season with an injury but then became “a gym rat,” Marciano said, and now could pass for a linebacker, he’s so muscular. Asked if he’d ever seen a punter rip into the football like Turk does, Marciano replied, “Yeah, last year, when we played St. Louis (in the preseason).”

Turk was the Rams’ punter.

Compare and contrast that with this TexansTV video of Stanley and Turk going head-to-head. Maybe I am just being overly optimistic, but quotes like “we thought it was important to push Chad” and “Matt is a power guy…explodes into the ball” seem to bode well for a Stanley-less future.

Thanks for the memories, Chad. We’ll keep in touch. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, dude.

¹For the uninitiated, watching Stanley has been roughly as painful as a root canal. Performed rectally.