Kickoff
Jul 16, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha, The X Factor, Vince Young can't read this post
Somebody needs a hug: As much fun as it is to make fun of Vince Young, noted cheap-shot artist and Teh Schaub killer Albert Haynesworth truly deserves our scorn. With a h/t to Eric in the last thread, it appears that Haynesworth needs his favorite dolly and a nap after he and the BE-SFs couldn’t agree to terms on a long-term contract. Instead, he’ll be slapped with the franchise tag. If you go to the link, you can see him tearing up at the thought. He’ll be OK, though: he’s gonna go all Cruella Di Vil on a bag full of puppies to make him feel better.
More man-crush coverage: Stealing this link from Jordan, the league’s version of an aneroxic Methuselah, Al Davis, couldn’t reach terms on a long-term contract with Nnamdi Asomugha. A year is a long way from now, about a year, in fact, but since we drafted Antwaun Molden and signed Frenchy Reeves, I don’t think we’ll focus on CB next year. Oh well, but here’s hoping our CBs make the decision easy. As with Haynesworth, Asomugha gets the franchise tag.
9-7?: Tim at BRB takes his first shot at the season and comes up with a 9-7 season. Personally, I like BigBlueShoe’s prediction of a 10-11 season. Heh.
Vince Young != MVP, Cy Young, and Lady Byng all wrapped up into one neat little package: The 9-7 discussion led Chris to do a little look-back at a BE-SF prediction. No pollyannas were found.
The X Factor Cometh: Temporarily breaking the Comicle moratorium, Xavier Adibi signed a four-year deal. Finally, is it me or are some of the commenters at the chron, well, special? This person, with his in-depth analysis, is likely to be hired by the chron soon: “CaptainHook wrote: He’s going to suck!!!!” Hard hitting news you can trust.
Anyway, great news for the team getting him inked.
Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington
Mar 19, 2008 2008 Season, Athletes who don't stab people, It bugs me that I had to edit their story, Nigerian Mafia
NFL sources told FOX 26 Sports [that f]ree agent defensive end N.D. Kalu has agreed to a one-year contract to return to the Houston Texans for a third season.
Last season[,] Kalu played in 15 games for the Texans and had 13 tackles and three quarterback sacks.
He may be old, he may have lost a step or three, and he may be best utilized as a situational pass rusher. That said, unless we wind up snagging a Calais Campbell at pick 18, Kalu is almost certain to contribute. And, while I don’t normally buy into the “sign the old guy as a mentor” move, this might be one of the few cases where it actually makes sense.
Raiders pay $9.5MM to crush my soul
Feb 20, 2008 Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha, Non-Texan stuff, Shit, Teams that aren't the Texans
Well fuck me in the ear.
It seems that the puppeteers who manipulate the Corpse of Al Davis have placed the exclusive franchise tag on stud CB and cause of rampant wishing and speculation, Nnamdi Asomugha.
Asomugha, who emerged as a franchise star the past two seasons, will earn $9.465 million for the 2008 season, the average salary of the top-five cornerbacks in the NFL. He could earn more if the average is higher at the end of the restricted free agency period.
I know it was–at best–a pipe-dream that he would sign with the Texans. I know this and yet I am still pissed about it. And here I said I wasn’t going to drink tonight. Thanks, Al.
Enyimba Enyi
Jan 18, 2008 2008 Season, Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Free Agency, Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha
Good news, Texans fans: the team is already addressing some of our needs and filling holes in the roster. For instance, with the unceremonious release of Adimchinobe Echemandu a couple weeks ago, the team suddenly found itself short one Nigerian. Problem solved–yesterday, the team signed veteran Center Chukwunweze Sonume Okobi, better known to you and I as Chukky Okobi.
This is the kind of pro-active move that lets one know that the team is committed both to winning and to maintaining a Nigerian mafia. This is something that a certain Raiders cornerback might ought to consider when looking for a new team.
(Yes, yes…technically Chukky was born in Connecticut and his parents are Nigerian, but with a name like his, that is close enough.)
Everyone out! C’mon. No, not you, Scottie. Not you, Number 2. Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember. Not you, guys back there. Not you, henchman holding a wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you’re doing something.
Dec 27, 2007 Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Corky Johnson, Free Agency, Hype, Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha, Tremendous Busts, Undrafted Free Agent watch list
Tim beat me to the punch on this, but Adimchinobi Echemandu was cut by the Texans yesterday, ending my dream that he would become the new Nigerian Nightmare.
While the official reason given was that the team needed to cut someone to make room for DelJuan Robinson (more on him in a minute), the fact remains that there had to be some underlying reason for why Joe E. was the person chosen. One can only assume that either Kubiak never got past Joe’s back-to-back performances against Oakland and New Orleans (2 carries for 6 yards, then 1 carry for 2 yards and a fumble lost) or the team is completely committed to using Darius Walker the rest of the way in order to evaluate him.
Either way, I can live with the decision. After all, this was a guy that we signed out of absolutely nowhere and those kinds of players rarely get mulligans. Besides, it’s not like he bounced back after that New Orleans game–in two more games he had 7 carries for 15 yards. Walker, on the other hand, is averaging 3.7 yards per carry and has 13 catches for 81 yards in his three games of action. Now, the pessimists–of whom I am a charter member–will point out that Walker showed last week that he lacks the speed to be a true number one back in the and that he would be best suited as a 3rd-down back, so an evaluation of his “long-term potential” is rather pointless. (The numbers certainly support this: he ran a 4.56 and a 4.57 at the NFL Combine; for the sake of comparison, Najeh Davenport ran a 4.44 at his Combine. Davenport also pooped in a hamper, which has nothing to do with Darius Walker but is still worth mentioning.) While this may be true, I think the general consensus was that Echemandu was not going to be the answer, regardless of how Walker did or did not pan out. Fair enough.
All of this overlooks the main reason I was high on Echemandu from the start. Namely, that a certain cousin of his is arguably the best or second-best cover corner in the NFL and can opt out of his contract at the end of the season. I was hoping that some family ties might have made it easier to entice him. With the emergence of Fred Bennett, however, and assuming that Dunta Robinson will be back and be 100% at some point next year, then giving Nate-Clements-money to Nnamdi Asomugha is probably not the highest best use of our free agent dollars (see, e.g., Pat Williams, Alan Faneca, Jared Allen, Demorrio Williams…)
Which sorta segues into DelJuan Robinson. The Second-team All-SEC tackle was undrafted out of Mississippi State, primarily due to a knee injury that limited his senior season to 8 games. In those 8 games, he had 12.5 tackles for a loss, which was fifth-best in the SEC. At MSU’s Pro Day, Robinson ran a 5.07 40, a 2.88 20, and put up 23 reps on the bench. He was part of the group of undrafted free agents that the Texans signed in May, was released by the team at the end of August, and was signed to the practice squad shortly thereafter. Because defensive line was the one place that didn’t turn into a M*A*S*H unit, Robinson had not gotten a shot at the active roster. Until now.
But let me ask you this: if you are the front office and you have four healthy defensive tackles, one of whom is retarded, but have injuries throughout your linebacking corps, secondary, and offensive line, why would you activate another defensive tackle? The only answer I can come up with is “because we are washing our hands of the retarded guy.” If that’s the case, it makes sense to see if Deljuan can play and let Travis languish until the time comes to set him free. (If they make Johnson a June 1 casualty next year–either by cutting him then or cutting him prior to that date but designating him as one of the two June 1s allowable under the CBA–there will be a cap hit of almost $2.5MM in 2008 and 2009 as opposed to a $5MM hit in 2008 if they cut him right now just to make a point). Besides, they might be able to convince Cincinnati that Travis would fit right in on their roster and get something in trade for him.
So while I might have had high hopes for him, if you are telling me we had to sacrifice Joe Echemandu to get rid of Travis Johnson…well, that’s a deal I’d make any day of the week.
Somehow, I doubt they’ll make a Fathead of any of these guys
Nov 20, 2007 2007 Season, Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Batman, Injury bug, Nigerian Mafia, RB free-for-all
Just scrolled across the bottom of NFL Network:
“Houston Texans: Activate RB Darius Walker from practice squad.”
Interesting for a number of reasons. First, this might mean that Gary is starting to doubt Joe Echemandu. (Echeman-don’t?) Second, it wasn’t that long ago that someone close to the Texans organization told me that “Walker’s not good, but you’re right [in thinking] he asked to be released. That said, I would be shocked if he made a roster, let alone play a down in the NFL.” Maybe is he is less not good now? Third, could this possibly be the final sign that Ahman Green shan’t be suiting up in the Texans colors again this year (or ever)?
Boo!
Oct 31, 2007 2007 Season, Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Andre Johnson, Batman, Houston Chronicle, Injury bug, Nigerian Mafia, The Schaub Experiment
Because I aspire to be nothing moreso than evenhanded,1 I should point to John McClain’s entry from today.2
If the Texans can keep from embarrassing themselves at Oakland the way they did at San Diego and escape with a victory, they’ll stop the bleeding momentarily.
[...]
The Texans need to run the ball like they did at San Diego, where they outrushed the Chargers 115 yards to 109 — thanks to Adimchinobe Echemandu. They also must continue to play that kind of run defense, something that had been lacking in recent weeks.Obviously, the Texans can’t continue to turn over the ball. They’ve committed 23 turnovers, including 11 in the last two games.
And it would help, of course, if the defense could actually force some turnovers.
[...]
If the Texans defeat the Raiders, enter their week off 4-5 and get back Schaub and Johnson, those of us with the glass-is-half-full philosophy will feel better.The rest of you won’t, because your glass is always half-empty, and you expect — indeed, almost welcome — the kind of incompetence the Texans have shown so you can say, “I told you so.”
While I still think the playoffs are out of reach already–losing your first three division games and being in last in your division at the half-way point is a big ass mountain to climb–McClain is right in his assertion that this is the last chance to really put together a “good” season. If we lose the Raiders and fall to 3-6, the odds of getting to even .500 are slim. That would require, obviously, a 5-2 record to end the year.3
Not impossible obviously, save for two things. First, teams that start 3-6 rarely decide to right the ship and finish 5-2; there is a reason you get to 3-6 in the first place. Second, the schedule only gets harder from here, with @Titans, Broncos, @Colts, Jaguars, and even a game with the upstart Browns @Cleveland.
Now note: With that kind of road ahead, I am not saying that winning this Sunday and going into the bye week at 4-5 makes us a lock for a winning record. Far from it. Still, I can at least fathom the idea that this team can finish 4-3 and sneak out a win or two against “better” teams. 5-2, on the other hand, seems less likely at this moment than the Patriots going 19-0.
Now we just need to find a way to win without Matt Schaub. Or Andre Johnson. Or Ahman Green. Or Adminchinobe Echemandu.
There’s a Halloween scare for you.4
1 Not counting “rich,” “Paris Hilton hot,” “the owner of many, many monkeys,” “reincarnated as Monica Bellucci’s underwear,” “quoted in the Wall Street Journal,” “tall,” and “a ninja.”
2 We haven’t done footnotes in a while, have we? This is fun. Wheeeeeeeeee.
3 Math!
4 Not for nothin’, but the giving out candy gets more entertaining with each passing beer. Father of the year, bitches!
Someone get Tony Hollings on the line, I guess
Oct 31, 2007 2007 Season, Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Batman, Injury bug, Nigerian Mafia, Ron Dayne likes pie
Because Baby Jesus has decided that I am not allowed to be happy with anything Texans-related this year, it appears that my latest crush, Adimchinobe Echemandu, might be sidelined with a gimpy hamstring.
He apparently tweaked it in San Diego, most likely as he tried to outrun our ineptitude, and played through the pain.
If Echemandu can’t go, we’re pretty much screwed Ron Dayne will likely get the carries. (I say this on the far-fetched assumption that Ahman Green won’t be healthy). Dayne is not 100% either, however, as in related news, he continues to play through sucky fatness.
Your "Reggie Bush, Feature Back" moment of zen
Oct 29, 2007 2007 Season, Inanity, Nigerian Mafia, Reggie Bush, Teams that aren't the Texans
64 Rushing Yards on 10 carries (…to Aaron Stecker’s 12) with a long of 20, 7 catches for 49 yards, 0 TD
Point of reference: Adimchinobe Echemandu had 62 yards on 10 carries
10 Questions Reasonably Related to Today’s Game
Oct 28, 2007 2007 Season, 2008 Draft, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Injury bug, Nigerian Mafia, Posts that list too many players
1. Whose bright idea was it to assign Petey Faggins to cover Antonio Gates (on the play where it looked like no one was even in Gates’ area code)? Because, call me crazy, but putting the worst starting defensive back in football on the prototype for mutant TE/WR hybrids is likely not going to yield good results.
2. I know it’s only one game, but is there any way Adimchinobe Echemandu isn’t starting next week? I mean, in a rational universe.
3. I didn’t get to see it, so could someone tell me how Mario Williams‘ sack looked? (Did he beat someone off the end or was it a busted play or what?)
4. Speaking of Adimchinobe Echemandu, which is as fun to type as it is to say, can I drive the bandwagon?
5. So, given the utter lack of blitzes (again) and the subsequent lack of pressure, combined with the “play” of Petey Faggins, would it really be a bad move to fire Richard Smith in the middle of the season? Couldn’t we just have a “be D-coordinator for a day” radio contest or something?
6. I ask the following with only the slightest touch of sarcasm. Can someone please name two or three good moves Gary Kubiak has made with regard to players playing (or not playing) based on health, score, etc? Because I can quickly tick off some bad ones (Andre Johnson getting hurt, Jacoby Jones starting last week, Petey Faggins continued role on the team, starting Matt Schaub today, keeping Sam Gado around far too long), but the only good one I am coming up with is sticking with Kevin Walter. Maybe Adimchinobe Echimandu becomes a great move–god, I hope–but that’s not exactly an overwhelming list. (I don’t give him credit for going to Ephraim Salaam over Jordan Black because choosing Black would have been like choosing herpes over the common cold.)
7. Who exactly did we piss off to deserve the amount of injuries we’ve sustained this year? Whoever it was, I am pretty sure he or she is related to Antonio Cromartie.
9. I have a draft related post that I am working on, but should I consider this season a dismal failure if I am already talking ‘08 Draft before Halloween? Or can I just pretend that I am so eaten up with football minutiae that this type of thing is not reflective of our 3-5 record?
10. Reader Interaction Time!!!! What are the three biggest necessities for the offseason as you see them? Bonus questions: What expletive did you yell when Petey failed to wrap up his tackle, gifting the Chargers a TD? Would our defense actually improve if Faggins were just placed on IR?
Odds and Ends
Oct 25, 2007 2007 Season, Fuck the Cowboys, Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha, RB free-for-all, Teams that aren't the Texans
So, we are supposed to learn today where Sunday’s game will be played (and if it will even be on Sunday). The current realistic choices are Reliant, Texas Stadium, University of Phoenix Stadium, this guy’s backyard, and Qualcomm. If the game is at Qualcomm and (possibly) if the game is at U-Phoenix, odds are it will be a Monday night game. Taking those options in order:
- Reliant. This makes the most sense to me. I mean, in theory, if you are supposed to play a game with a team and you are unable to host it, the default should be to have it at their stadium and just call you the “home” team. Baseball does this all the time, most recently with some Cleveland and Seattle games (though, to be fair, those games were played later in the year instead of the day of the original game, but baseball has that kind of logistical flexibility). Still, I can see the Chargers and (more accurately) their fans getting all up in arms about this scenario. To which I say, “why do you hate charity?” You see, as Steph pointed out to me, if they are going to use this game to raise money for San Diegans, the Houston is a perfect locale. First, Bob McNair did all sorts of fundrasie-y type stuff for the Katrina victims, including shelling out $1MM of his own cash–by the way, Bob, this blog would gladly accept a sugar daddy–so it’s not like using a game at Reliant to raise cash is out of left field or anything. Second, I assume that tickets to this game will just go on general sale to the public instead of being part of the season tickets, which means that nearly everyone who buys tickets will be doing it because they want to see the game, meaning that the disaffected season ticket holders who don’t even sit in their seats will be kept to a minimum.
- Texas Stadium. Let’s be really blunt about something. Texas Stadium is a festering shitbox. And it’s not just because of the team that plays there. No, it really is a disgusting, run-down facility. Of ALL the options on that list, it is hands-down the worst if only because of the structure. On top of which, last I checked, Dallas was primarily full of mouth-breathing yokels and credit card millionaires. (Dallas residents who read this blog are excluded from that characterization.) Not exactly a polo match crowd. Which might be what they want, with the theory being that the people who show up will do so to boo the Texans. Brilliant. Let’s hold a game in a place where you have to bank on animus to drive ticket sales. I’m sure that is going to raise as much money as the game at Reliant. Assbags.
University of Phoenix Stadium. This is easily the nicest stadium sponsored by an online university. Kidding aside, this plan at least makes logistical sense in that San Diegans could migrate to the game if they were so inclined. And if their cars hadn’t burned up. The problem is, apparently someone else has rented out the whole complex for some kind of something until Sunday, which would make preparations a problem. The game would have to be played on Monday, which, while that would not be a problem were it in San Diego (more on that in a minute), asking fans of either team to get to a game like that on a weekday night is probably stretching it.Update: I took a break from writing this to go to lunch and, upon returning, saw that UoPS had been eliminated due to the obligations through Sunday. This is good.- That guy’s backyard. Unlikely. Though, judging by the pictures of both, it is probably nicer than Texas Stadium.
- Qualcomm. Word has come out today that they might actually get to play the game at Qualcomm. They have cleared out most of the evacuees, with the number currently holed up in the stadium at around 5,000. If they can get everyone out and if they can get the place cleaned up and ready, then the game would be held there. Possibly–again, assuming the ifs–on Sunday as planned. I wouldn’t hold my breath (unless I was near the wildfires), though. The league has said that they will give the organization as much time as possible to figure out if Qualcomm will work.
In other news, I cannot believe I waited this long to mention that Sam Gado was asked to turn in his playbook, pack his 2 yards/carry, and head to somewhere other than Reliant Stadium. This is good news. Perhaps even better news, though, is that the team activated recent signee, liason to Nnamdi Asomugha, and has-to-be-better-than-Gado RB Adimchinobe Echemandu (Joe Echema, for the Nigerian-impaired). You could say I am a little happy about this. He might turn out to be a total bust, but I’ll take that kind of chance on 4.33 speed any day.
You say "Echema," I say "Echemandu"
Oct 13, 2007 2004 Draft, Amobi Okoye is 20, Free Agency, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha, RB free-for-all
I didn’t mention it on Wednesday, but the Texans signed Adimchinobe Echemandu–known as “Joe Echema” at Cal before he decided to go back to his real Nigerian name–to the practice squad. (There was an extra spot after we filled Jerome Mathis‘ roster hole.)
Anyway, it could be the fact that it’s late and I’ve been drinking or it could just be the paint fumes getting to me, but I am sorta jazzed about this signing. “Why,” you ask? A number reasons.
First, the simple fact that we signed him may mean that Samkon Gado is not factoring into our long-term plans. Which is good, because he sucks.
Second, though, and more importantly, is that when Echemandu is not injured, he’s fast. No, scratch that. He’s fast. He was banged up and didn’t run the 40 at the combine in 2004, but he turned in a 4.33 into the wind the summer before. Had he run that time at the combine, it would have been the fastest time in that year’s RB crop. Not shabby. And not surprising, as Joe was a sprinter before turning to football full time. He has had some injury issues since and has been very limited in playing time in the NFL, but that kind of speed is hard to come by. If you can get it at a discount like this, why not take a shot?
Third, Echemandu is a cousin of Nnamdi Asomugha. Do not underestimate how excited this makes me.
Finally, Joe is the fifth Nigerian-born player under some sort of contract with the Texans right now, joining Amobi Okoye, ND Kalu, Samkon Gado, and WR Gbolahan Devin Aromashodu. I suppose the way Amobi talked early in camp about Kalu being like a mentor/big brother to him is what makes me like this signing of Echemandu, as I buy into the idea of players overachieving when placed into highly comfortable situations. And that idea ties into us somehow luring Asomugha here in the offseason. Yes, I am slightly obsessed.
