DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

OD

Oct 22, 2008 Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp

Great write-up by Chris on the need to lockup some important pieces before they hit the free agent market.  But the reason I am linking to it is this tidbit:

Look at Owen’s current statistics, compared to other AFC tight ends:

29 receptions, AFC rank: 1st
374 receiving yards, AFC rank: 1st
62.3 receiving yards per game, AFC rank: 1st
21 catches for a first down, AFC rank: 1st

This is in a conference with Tony Gonzalez and Antonio Gates.

Fuckin’ A, as the kids say.

Kickoff

Jul 31, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Kickoff, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, RB free-for-all, Vince Young can't read this post

No link yet, but… A Fox 26 rumor has it that four running backs will be visiting camp today–-Tony Temple (Missouri), Calvin Dawson (UL-Lafayette), J.D. Washington (Denzel’s kid, out of Morehouse), and the aforementioned Mike Bell (Arizona, by way of the Denver Broncos).  Of these, Bell is the known quantity, of course.  Washington has spent two years on the Rams’ practice squad.  I know nothing of Dawson.  Temple, however, is the one who intrigues me.  Maybe it was just the ineptness of the Razorback coaching staff, but Temple took Arkansas’ Ess Eee See Speed and shoved it up their asses, dismantling the Hog defense in the Cotton Bowl.  Regardless, Chris Brown should probably go ahead and pack his bags…or, you know, have someone else do it, since his back is so bad. (h/t Eric)

Brilliant.  I hate linking to PFT, but I’ve seen this other places as well.  Apparently, the Baby-Eating Sister-Fuckers are bringing in Byron Leftwich to work out.  They don’t plan on signing him, but they want to see how he’d fit in the offense, should Radio and Vodka Collins both get injured. Because, clearly, a guy who passes like Vince and runs like Kerry is going to be fantastic. (Eric)

Sticking with the BESFs. It seems Jevon Kearse missed his second straight practice yesterday, this time with knee pain.  He left the morning practice because his foot got stepped on.  Dear Tman, please tell me again how Kearse is going to be an amazing quarterback destroying force this year.  I love a good tall tale. (Yup, Eric)

Finally. Caption time.

.500

Dec 30, 2007 2007 Season, Awesomeness, Chad Stanley, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Free Agency, Matt Turk rules, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Posts that list too many players, Ron Dayne likes pie, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Secondary issues are primary, Sign Andre Davis now, Stats, Team Records

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your non-losing Houston Texans.  There were a lot of statements made in this game, both good and bad. At the end of the day, however, the fact that we won our eighth game overshadows every single thing I am about to write.

• Dear Texans Fans, You’re welcome. Love, Andre Davis. Seriously…that was amazing. Hell, it was Hester-esque. Between what he offered as a WR when Andre Johnson was out, how well he played on punt coverage (highly underrated), and his contributions as a kick returner, we would be ridiculously stupid not to sign him to a multi-year deal. As an added bonus, signing him means we don’t even have to consider re-signing Jerome Mathis, which is good if only because Mathis might hurt himself signing the contract.
• Dear Matt, How’s that for “not good?” Love, Darius Walker. I apologize for doubting you. No, you might not have the fastest top-end in town and, no, you might not be able to get the corner against a fast defense, but you have fantastic vision and you don’t dance around behind the line. Like I said over in the Game Thread, it seems like Walker hits his top speed–whatever that may be–instantly. So, what he might lack as an open field runner, he more than makes up for between the tackles. Fact: If you take away his 41 yard run, Walker still averaged 5 yards per carry; if you include that run, he averaged 8.6. Nice.
• Dear Petey Faggins, I don’t think your pre-game pointers helped. Love, Von Hutchins. Wow…as surprisingly good as Walker was, that’s how shockingly bad Hutchins looked. It got to the point early on that I half expected Garrard to come to the line, find Hutchins, and start laughing before the snap. Even Tina Turner wasn’t abused like that.
• Dear Von Hutchins, Thanks for the opportunity! Love, Dexter Wynn. Much like how Kubiak pulled Faggins out of the Atlanta game to try and stop the bleeding, Wynn replaced Hutchins for the most part after the second TD that Hutchins coughed up. Dexter looked surprisingly solid, especially when you consider the size he was giving up to the Jacksonville WRs. He wasn’t perfect and you sure wouldn’t want to go into the season with him as your CB2, but he might have gotten a leg up on Hutchins in the “which one will we re-sign” battle (both are unrestricted free agents).
• Dear Sage Rosenfels, About that whole trading-for-you thing…nevermind. Love, NFL GMs with QB Problems. Short of sporting bouffant hair and wearing white gloves, I don’t know that it would be possible for a player to damage his trade value more than Sage has the last two weeks. While he wasn’t atrocious or anything to day, he wasn’t anywhere approaching “good.” Even the TD pass to Daniels was on a poor throw and required a great grab by the big TE. Of course, he later felt the need to hit an opposing DB between the numbers for his weekly INT. He’s still a good backup, but any talk (by me) of getting a third-round or better pick for him or any talk (by others) about a QB controversy needs to be put on hold. Let’s all take a deep breath and move on.
• Dear NFL QBs, Be afraid in 2008. Very afraid. Love, Mario Williams. No, our resident sackmaster didn’t get the one he needed to pass Patrick Kearney, but Jacksonville was clearly concerned with him from the first snap. This was some of the most blatant holding of Mario we’ve seen this year, but the refs seem to have already put him in the category of elite pass rushers that can be held with near-impunity. I don’t think it’s a stretch to expect at least 18 sacks out of Mario next season. Reggie who?
• Dear Richard Smith, How did you manage to make Quinn Gray look like Peyton Manning? Love, Texans Fans. Here’s a thought–and I think we’ve been over this before–but when your secondary is getting worked like Jenna Jameson’s labia and you are letting a backup QB throw for four TDs, maybe you shouldn’t completely abandon the blitz. Because, maybe I am crazy, but it seems like you would have seen over the past month how much better this entire defensive unit is when you are blitzing and you would have used that knowledge against the Jags so they didn’t pick you apart with their gigantic WRs against your patchwork defensive backfield. Just sayin’.
• Dear Rick Smith, Please get rid of Richard Smith before he forces me to climb a clock tower and start shooting student nurses. Love, Matt.
• Dear Rick Smith, I think I deserve more than $1.3MM next season. Love, Ron Dayne. The Trayne ended this game with 88 yards (4.2/carry) and 2 more TDs, giving him a team-high 773 yards (career high) and 6 rushing TDs. He also added career highs in receptions (17) and receiving yards (112). If we can get him back for any combination of bonus and salary under $2MM/year, I think we have to.

Other tidbits

• When he wasn’t busy misidentifying Texans or mispronouncing names, Dick Enberg mentioned that the forty-two points scored today was a new franchise record. This breaks the old record of 34, set against Carolina in week 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an offense.
• If I told you before the season started that Darius Walker would have more rushing yards than Ahman Green and that the two of them combined would have fewer than Ron Dayne, what would you have guessed our record to be?
• Chad Stanley, 2006: 41.6 yards per punt, 36.7 net. Matt Turk, 2007: 41.7 yards per punt, 37.9 net. Yet, despite their similarities, there were only a couple games where Turk worried me, as opposed to sixteen where I was concerned by Stanley. Weird.
• We won despite being outgained by 91 yards and having 3:34 less in time of possession. God bless Andre Davis.
• 8-8. Never has symmetry looked so nice.

After further review

Nov 19, 2007 2006 Draft, 2007 Season, Andre Johnson, Matt Turk rules, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Reggie Bush, Righteous Indignation, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario

Regardless of how good it felt to watch our defense slap Reggie Bush around like he stole something, the most important thing about yesterday’s game was that it got us back to .500. This seems obvious, but consider the implications–a win meant that we needed to go 3-3 over the last six, while a loss forced us to go 4-2 if we were to break even on the year. Considering both our schedule and how we’ve played thus far, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that 3-3 seems infinitely more likely than 4-2. Thankfully, we don’t have to think about that today.

What we do get to think about is all the things that went right yesterday. IT’S BULLETED LIST TIME!!!!

• Andre m.f. Johnson. Welcome back, sir. Regardless of how well Apostrophe and K-Dub and the gang played in Johnson’s absence, one need only look at that gorgeous 73-yard TD strike to realize just how much AJ means to this offense. A person would not be incorrect in assuming that a healthy AJ for the entire season would have meant at least one more win (Atlanta? Tennessee? INDY???) and possibly more. Of course, this realization only increases my annoyance with Gary Kubiak for having Johnson on the field in the fourth quarter of a blowout at Carolina. Somehow, this has managed to be swept under the rug by the mainstream media–probably because they ignore us in general–but that lack of action by Kubiak towers over his clock-management skills in terms of how much it hurt us.
• Mario Williams. Dear Richard Justice, Eat poop. Sincerely, Mario Williams. I mentioned it yesterday, but six tackles (4 of which were on Reggie Bush) and a sack/forced fumble for Mario would be good in any game, but in a game like this, where he was under a national microscope, that’s out-freakin’-standing. (Speaking of the national spotlight, not to play the Rodney Dangerfield card again, but it’s indicative of the lack of respect we get nationally that people weren’t talking very loudly about how Mario outplayed Reggie; after all, were the roles reversed and Reggie the better player yesterday, NFL writers would have been all over it. Whatever.)
• Ron Dayne. Seriously? No, I mean, for really serious? I fail to understand the enigmatic pastry that is Ron Dayne. How can he cut back against blocks and sneak through holes for the occasional big run, yet not be able to get a 4th and 1? He weighs 245 pounds for christsakes. And why does Andre Ware keep telling me that Dayne is a “power runner?” Power runners get that single yard and fall forward; Dayne is merely a surprisingly quick fat guy. Still, nice performance yesterday, Krispy Kreme.
• Reggie Bush. Thanks for the two fumbles, douche nozzle.
• Owen Daniels. Two questions: How do you break your nose while wearing a football helmet and how bad ass do you have to be to play the game with a broken nose? I have no answer for the first one, but the answer to the second is “as bad ass as Owen Daniels.” Also, he got shafted on the fumble call (more on that in a minute), so his day of 5 catches for 72 yards with a broken nose was even better than it appears.
• Defensive line. Richard Smith continues to adhere to his “ewww, blitzes are yucky” philosophy, but the defensive line stepped up big yesterday. They had backfield penetration all day and even got a sack on a QB who had been sacked the league’s fewest times. They combined for 19 total tackles, 1 sack, and two forced fumbles. You can’t ask for much more than that without bringing some extra bodies. Of course, this performance shows that there is real talent in that front four, which leads me to believe that, in addition to avoiding blitzes like Karen Carpenter avoided cake, Richard Smith is having problems motivating his players. I know, I know…”they are professionals, so they shouldn’t need outside motivation.” Probably true, but they are also reasonably young, unaccustomed to winning consistently, constantly maligned by jerkwad Chronicle writers, and having to do the pass rushing duties entirely on their own, so offering some motivation and trying to get guys fired up might be necessary for a year or two. Hell, Mario played like a man possessed yesterday, almost certainly because he had the Reggie thing to spur him on. The other guys picked up on that, too. The defensive coordinator needs to at least try to light that kind of fire under his players week in and week out.
• Offensive line. Hmm…at the beginning of the year, when they looked really good, Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson were healthy. Yesterday, when they again looked good, Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson were healthy. Interesting. Still, they only allowed one sack and Schaub seemed to have enough time to go through his reads most of the afternoon. Kudos, large men.
• Matt Schaub. In addition to hitting Johnson and going through his reads well, Schaub also fired a laser to Joel Dreessen in the back of the endzone. I know a certain gloved QB who could not have made that throw even in practice.
• The secondary. For a group that was supposed to give up roughly 575 yards passing yesterday, they looked pretty damned good. Von Hutchins got himself an INT, just to show Stephanie that she was wrong about him, and the other guys played well pretty much start to finish. Who woulda thunk it?
• Kris Brown. If a story came out today that alleged Kris Brown was a ninja from the future, I would buy it completely.
• Matt Turk. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Other things worth thinking about, but from a not-so-happy point of view:

• Adimchinobe Echemandu. 1 carry, 1 fumble lost, -3 fantasy points for me. I fear I might have believed too highly in the talent of Joe Echema. Please prove me wrong, Joe. Please.
• Mike Carey and his Crew of Assclowns. OK…someone please tell me how in the hell a crew can consistently get every single call wrong. How is this possible? Even worse, how does the official get the part of a play being challenged wrong? OF COURSE Daniels lost the ball, tick turd; that’s not what you were supposed to be looking at. And the fumble Mario caused, where you just assumed after the fact that New Orleans had possession? How did that work? Oh, and what about the numerous times no one felt the need to flag illegal linemen down field? Do we not call that one anymore? I’m glad we won, just so this doesn’t sound like sour grapes, but that was an absolutely wretched job. Unfortunately, that was also the norm for a Mike Carey crew.
• Umm…I think that’s about it.

5-5. I’ll take it.

Daily Affirmations

Sep 18, 2007 2007 Season, Andre Johnson, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Peyton Manning's lovelife, Teams that aren't the Texans, The Schaub Experiment

I can’t think of a moment where I would not be a little upset to read that Andre Johnson was injured. Possibly fifteen minutes after he retires following a Hall of Fame career, he could sprain his knee and I would not be overly upset. Though, by then, we will probably have found a way to include retired players in fantasy football scoring, so it would still be a problem. Sayeth the Kubes regarding AJ’s knee:

I would say that he is doubtful for that football game. We’ll know more in the next couple of days. There was no swelling, but there’s definitely a sprain there. It’s a concern right now.

That’s the good news and the bad news. We feel fortunate. Andre is going to be fine. Is he going to be fine in one week? Or is he going to be fine in four weeks? We’re still in the evaluation stage. We don’t know.

Obviously, when your next game is against the reigning champs (and the other undefeated AFC South team), you would like to have your All-World WR at 100%. That, however, is not going to happen.

And, you know what? We still have a chance to win. Granted, it’s not as good as it would be with a healthy AJ, but it’s still fairly decent. And that, my friends, is the biggest difference between having Matt Schaub under center and having Johnny Whitegloves taking snaps. Schaub gives us a chance to win every single time out. He avoids sacks. He makes good decisions. He doesn’t get flustered and fall to the ground in a puddle of his own tears and pee. You know, he does all the things a good NFL QB is supposed to.

He is also accurate and adept at spreading the ball around, which is the biggest reason we still have a chance. If Schaub just takes what the defense gives him–and, let’s be honest, the secondary of the Colts is not exactly fantastic–he should be able to move the ball. There likely won’t be any 70-yard TDs, but there is no reason to think that he can’t get 8 or 10 at a time to Jones, Walter, and the Owen Daniels Express, not to mention Leach and Batman.

Of course, it’s not scoring on the Colts that will win the game for us so much as preventing them from scoring. Given that Petey will have to “cover” either Harrison or Wayne… well… um… that might be a problem unless Mario turns into Adebisi on Ugoh.

All that said, the fact that I could wake up this morning, see that Johnson was doubtful for Sunday, and not break down in a cold sweat while picturing a 77-0 drubbing says a lot about this current Texans team and, more importantly, about Matt Schaub. Now, if you’ll excuse, I have about 30 Manning-Chesney posts to write between now and Sunday.

109. Chad Stanley has more 16-yard punts than anyone ever born with two functioning legs.

Aug 28, 2007 Andre Johnson, Batman, Chad Stanley, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Preview

Random Texans-related fantasy football nuggets from Matthew Berry’s “50 Things You Need to Know,”

4. Last season, Ahman Green had more than 1,400 total yards in 14 games. Last season, the Houston Texans had 13 rushing touchdowns as a team and averaged more than 100 yards rushing per game, both numbers better than those of the Packers last season. And the Texans did it with Samkon Gado, Wali Lundy[,] and Ron Dayne carrying the rock.

12. Only one wide receiver (Houston’s Andre Johnson) had more receptions than Detroit’s Mike Furrey last season.

27. Owen Daniels had the same number of touchdowns (five) as Tony Gonzalez, L.J. Smith[,] and Heath Miller.

51. Jacoby Jones is clearly the greatest athlete to ever even consider touching a football.

Well, I’m sure that would have been next, had the list continued.

28-16

Aug 26, 2007 Andre Johnson, Athletes who don't stab people, Dan The Assassin, DeMeco Ryans, Dunta Robinson, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Preseason 2007, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario, The Schaub Experiment, Winner winner chicken dinner

I’m not gonna lie. I was cheering and yelling at the television as if last night’s game really mattered. Considering I have no special feeling for the Governor’s Cup (I mean, he’s not even my governor), I can only chalk this up to some combination of seeing the team play well and hating the Cowboys.

And they did play well, especially the first team, in all three facets of the game.

OFFENSE
Matt Schaub is rapidly making his signing look like the smartest thing this organization has ever done. Which, I realize, is not saying much–kind of like calling him the prettiest girl at Flathead Valley Community College–but still. He is poised in the pocket. He can make all the throws from all the possible drop distances (as well as rolling to either side). He can avoid sacks with his feet. He gets rid of the ball in short order. And so on, and so forth. In short, he’s doing absolutely everything we could have hoped for. Plus, he has a totally awesome first name.

I was also thrilled with the WR play of Andre Johnson, Apostrophe Davis, and (of course) Jacoby Jones. AJ flashed speed and nice open field moves on one catch, then turned around and showed his amazing strength/size combination on the TD grab. Without jumping that route, I can think of only one or two CBs in all of football who might have stopped him on that slant. Apostrophe looks like he is completely fine with playing the role of slot guy/3rd WR, which is perfect for what he brings to the table. JJ has done absolutely everything and then some to win the role of WR2 (leaping TD grab/end around speed), PR (breakin’ off a little somethin’ somethin’ twice), and defender of the free world (he could totally catch bin Laden).

Batman looked great. Power runs, toss plays, that huge off-tackle gain… so this is what it’s like to have a real running back. Weird. I like it. The Dallas announcers can make all the Ahman-is-old jokes they want. When push came to shove, he run the ball right at them and–with the help of some good blocking–took them from first to fourth in average rushing yards allowed this preseason. I’m still calling 1100 yards and 8 TDs this year.

Speaking of the blocking, I thought the o-line looked very good in run blocking and above average to good in pass blocking. We knew Dallas was going to throw more bodies (and faster bodies) at us than we’d seen so far. The unit was able to pick up blitzers and/or slow them down enough to keep Matt Schaub upright for all but one play. In fact, that one sack wasn’t even on a blitz so much as it was a blown assignment where Burnett came free. Sure, you have to credit a lot of that to Schaub’s ability to avoid sacks and whatnot, but it was still a good performance all around. And it was nice to have Chester Pitts back.

Owen Daniels and Jeb Putzier played well, too. And that’s all I feel the need to write about TEs.

DEFENSE
Super Mario, baby. Sure, I am probably putting too much emphasis on this one game. I’ll even stipulate to that. But here’s the thing: I am only a fraction of the importance on this good performance as people were putting on his two previous games. If Chicago and Arizona were proof that Mario is a piece of shit bust who should probably just go play in traffic, last night’s game supports my notion that he is the greatest athlete ever to play any sport anywhere in the world. The truth, as always, is somewhere in the middle. Still, by my count (though I haven’t gone back over the tape closely) he had 3 tackles, 2 assisted tackles, a sack, and at least one hurry. More importantly, though, is that he did a lot of this from the LDE spot, which physically he is probably better suited for.

DeMeco and Dunta continued to shine. D-Rob was the third man to the clusterhump that missed TO on the touchdown, but he otherwise had the Dallas headcase on lockdown. DeMeco was in on 8 tackles. What else is new?

Other defensive notables included Jamar Fletcher, who had a nice defense of a quick pass to the slot man, Jason Babin, who had five tackles and a big sack (as opposed to ND Kalu’s 1 tackle and virtual anonymity), and Danny Clark, who should be the damned starter at SLB.

SPECIAL TEAMS
JJ. Punt return TD. Again, he flat ran past people like he was a created player in a video game. I am currently petitioning the wife to let me name the new child, boy or girl, Jacoby. She seems unreceptive.

Matt Turk averaged 39.7 on his three punts, pinning two inside the 20 with one of the boots going 51 yards. TEP hit one 32 yards, yet somehow managed to avoid today’s roster cuts.

13-10

Aug 18, 2007 Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Preseason 2007, Super Mario, The Schaub Experiment

Halftime in the desert.

Good so far: Schaub, Jones, AJ, Dunta, Danny Clark, Owen Daniels, Sage, Green.
Bad so far: Mario, Amobi, FAGGINS, Dayne, Safeties, officiating, Cardinals broadcasters.
Invisible so far: DeMeco, Morlon, Apostrophe.

Full recap following the game. By which I mean some time between the end of today’s game the start of next week’s. Also, an update on the DeMeco Ryans/DGDB&D story.