Is my life really this boring?
Apr 21, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Fuck the Cowboys, Pacman Jones' gunrack
OK, I’m a busy guy. I like it like that. I admit: I’ve had to chill on the social scene for a while due to family needs and other issues.
But, even at my best, I couldn’t beat shit like:
‘Pacman’ allegedly paid $15K in extortion cash
I mean, seriously, where are these people? Why don’t I have stuff like this happen to me? I’ve really got to party with this guy. My life just seems so unfulfilled.
bigfatdrunk
PS: Yes, this broke me with regard to Pacman. Let’s be honest: this guy is the perfect Dallas Cowboy.
Texans fans: The Giants luv you! {hugs}
Mar 11, 2008 2008 Draft, 2008 Season, Blasphemy, Broken Record, Casserly blows goats... I have proof, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, I really dig my readers, Non-Texan stuff, Pacman Jones' gunrack, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
This post is about four hours late this morning. Doesn’t my employer know that work time is blog time? DAMMIT! Anyway, work sucks today, so sorry for the delay.
The big news of the morning is, of course, that the New York Giants loves them some Mr. Mittens. The mere fact that the Giants want to keep Mittens in the news is proof that *the God of your choice* loves us and wants us to drink more rubbing alcohol beer! The danger is that Mittens actually beats the monstrous Jared Lorenzen (that’s Shake on the left), and Jared simply pops Carr into his mouth like the worm from a bad bottle of Mezcal. Obviously, our nation would grieve for days after the loss of someone of Mittens’ stature, but I don’t think Mittens has much of a chance of winning the backup job. (original link courtesy from profootballtalk.com)
If that isn’t enough to make you swoon, then how about signing Pacman Jones (again from PFT):
If Titans CB Pacman Jones is reinstated and traded to another team, the new team would be on the hook for base salaries of $1.29 million in 2008, $1.74 million in 2009, and $2.19 million in 2010.
Yeah, I am willing to take a chance with salaries like that, especially in lieu of our signing Petey Faggins, Jr. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that parts of the Texans nation are developing a nice little man-crush on Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie (ADF, Matt, me, I’m looking at you). Sadly, I don’t think he’ll be there for #18, and it looks like the Ravens are zeroing in on Leodis McKelvin with their pick.
I’m neither inherently a risk-taker, nor am I risk averse. I am, however, optimistic that things would work for Pacman in Houston, but I’ve got nothing to base that on other than my formidable gut.
Finally, and a little off-topic, but it looks like the Stros’ Kaz Matsui has a little pain in the ass. This is ironic, of course, because watching him play this year will cause pain to all our asses.
Crap. Back to work. “Clean your windshield, sir?”
Time to make it rain in Houston?
Feb 28, 2008 HPD, Pacman Jones' gunrack, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Secondary issues are primary
As I write this, I have Elmore James singing “The Sky is Crying” in the back of my head, and I think I know why.
As reported in Nashville’s City Paper (ironically, an old client of mine from many years ago), Pacman Jones “has been given permission by the Tennessee Titans to pursue a trade.”
Now, let’s see here. Texans have a huge need for help at CB? Check. Houston has serious zoning issues? Check. The Crystal Pistol? Check. Houston has the highest strip joints/capita in the nation? Check and check.*
Can you say match made in heaven?
Seriously, though, and tip your waitress, I have no problem giving up a 5th round pick or so and taking a chance on Pacman. Fact is, he’s still only 25, and I really don’t have a problem with taking chances on people who have made mistakes in the past, especially when considering he’ll be relatively cheap to acquire. The Texans’ locker room seems to have strong character people, and something might click for Pacman. I mean, who among us wasn’t arrested six times in their 20s? Sheesh.
Sometimes, the gamble pays off, and this one could be huge. Just say yes to Pacman. What do y’all think?
Anyway, how can I possibly thank the person who brought the phrase “make it rain” into my every day vocabulary enough? You simply can’t pay back that kind of reward.
* Yeah, I made that shit up, though I wouldn’t doubt it.
Pete Rozelle is wearing a headband that says "Goodell"
Jul 5, 2007 Bad Idea Jeans, Inanity, Is Roger Goodell gonna have to choke a bitch?, Johnny Fisterbottom, Legal stuff, Pacman Jones' gunrack, Tank Johnson's gunrack
If you read Deadspin or Fanhouse, you’ve undoubtedly heard about the NFL’s new video policy. Stephanie sums up the rule thusly:
In sum, the rules limit videos to 45 seconds of footage for interviews, practice footage, just about everything. The videos can’t be archived and have to be removed in 24 hours.
As I am generally opposed to stuff that is asinine, I am not in favor of this rule. Oh, sure, I understand the idea behind it–the NFL wants people to have to go to official team websites to view video. More people to those websites, in theory, generates more revenue from those sites. (I picture Roger Goodell rapping in his office. “Cash rules everything around me–C.R.E.A.M.–get the money, dolla dolla bill, y’all.”)
I also understand that the NFL can do whatever they want with their product. But, to (again) quote Ms. Stradley, “just because something is legal to do, doesn’t mean that it is right, smart or advisable.” That is a concept that seems to escape the NFL here. Yes, you can tell all of us what to do vis-a-vis your product…but you can’t make us like your product.
As of now, everyone loves the NFL. (Well, anyone I would want to be around.) We love it despite the insane cost of tickets and parking and memorabilia, despite the abhorrently bad television announcers, despite the inability of most fans to get NFL Sunday Ticket, despite the positive steroid tests, despite the continued legal trouble of Tank and Pacman and 48% of the Bengals, and despite a number of other things that might make us turn our collective back on a lesser organization.
It is this love of the NFL’s product that makes Joe Fan practically insatiable when it comes to NFL news and coverage. Yet, instead of reveling in this adoration and keeping up with our football jones, they are now trying to take away some of what we already had. We are begging for more (see, e.g., the whole thing about people wanting to end DirectTV’s monopoly on the Sunday Ticket) and they are trying to give us less.
What. The. Fuck? How does this make sense?
Do you really think that making us go to the team sites to watch video clips is going to raise your revenue that much? I love the Texans as much as the next guy, but I can only sit through so many homogenized, team-produced fluff pieces on TexansTV before I want to put a thumbtack in my left eye. I can’t imagine watching those clips and then suddenly being inspired to order a jersey or a koozie or a window sticker from the team website. It’s just not going to happen. At least not as long as ordering from the official site is the most expensive way in the world to get a jersey.
Besides, this rule is more than likely going to make people spend less time watching NFL videos as a whole. Once I watch whatever is on the Texans’ page, I am not going to some other team’s site to watch their videos; I’m moving on to read about my team on other (read: non-official, non-pandering) websites. So, congrats, you have effectively reduced the average fan’s exposure to your product. That makes total business sense.
Don’t get me wrong–I have nothing against people making money (though I don’t think this new rule will increase revenue). If I had a product that millions of people clamored for, I’d try to maximize my profitability, too. But I would also try to make sure that I remained as popular as possible. You don’t remain popular for too long if every move you make is a big sandpaper fist right in your customer’s shitter. (Unless that is actually your business, in which case such a move would ironically make you more popular.) When every move you make is designed to line your pockets and you blatantly disregard what your customers want, you cannot be surprised when one day many of those fans move on to something else. This video rule might not be the cliche that broke the camel’s back, but it is another step in that direction.
Earl Campbell would probably crack the starting lineup right now
Jul 1, 2007 Amobi Okoye is 20, Desperate times call for desperate MEshawns, Jeff Fisher's Mustache, Pacman Jones' gunrack, Preview, Super Mario, Teams that aren't the Texans, Vinsanity
Win #4–Week 7 v. Tennessee; Win #7–Week 13 @ Tennessee. The one place where I differ from many (most? all?) other Texans bloggers is in my feelings toward Vince Young. Oh, sure, I acknowledge that he is very good and has a knack for coming up big in big games. I just don’t think he’s Jesus in Cleats (and I also suspect that he is more than a tad overrated). And, because he’s not the missing piece of a holy foursome, even Vince needs a little help to win football games.
Unfortunately for Vince, Jeff Fisher did not get that memo. Gone from Nashville are Drew Bennett, Bobby Wade, and Travis Henry. In their places are Brandon Jones, David Givens, and cut-then-begged-to-come-back Chris Henry. Fisher and Co also scrambled post-draft and tried to sign everyone from Keyshawn Johnson to Steve the Beer Guy. Clearly, this is not an offense that is going to blow anyone out.
The Titans’ O-line–surprisingly good at run blocking last year–is solid, but asking Michael Roos to block a healthy Mario Williams is a recipe for problems. (To say nothing of the potential Okoye v. Benji Olson matchup, which has possible hilarity written all over it.) On the flip side, Kyle Vanden Bosch is going to have all sorts of problems with Eric Winston. Advantage: Texans.
On the defensive side of the pigskin, the Titans lost Pacman Jones. Say what you will about the dude’s off-field stupidity, but, on the field, Jones was a game changer in coverage and in special teams. He almost single-handedly beat Jacksonville last year. In his place, the Titans hope Nick Harper–a man who is MUCH better in nickel coverage–can shut down Andre Johnson. Ain’t. Gonna. Happen. Keith Bulluck and David Thornton are both high quality OLBs, but MLB Stephen Tulloch is the opposite of that. Besides, if you are relying on your two outside ‘backers in run defense, you are giving up lots of four and five yard carries. Not good. Advantage: Texans.
In the end, this game comes down to the same thing last year’s meetings did–Vince Young against the Titans defense. However, unlike last year, unless Bo Sciafe becomes Antonio Gates, Vince is going to face a whole lot of 8- and 9-man fronts. Even Jesus would have some trouble running against that. So, pencil us in for wins in both contests this year, pencil me in winning a certain bet with Tman, and pencil in the Vince saga as back to even.
Sam Adams seems like a man who likes BBQ
Jun 2, 2007 Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Non-NFL football, Pacman Jones' gunrack, Sam Adams, Teams that aren't the Texans
Some random Texans-themed nuggets from around the web for your Saturday afternoon perusal.
***From Len P’s latest Tip Sheet (Insider only):
The Texans met this week with defensive tackle Sam Adams, recently released by the Bengals, and will stay in touch with the 13-year veteran as he continues to rehabilitate from arthroscopic surgery to clean out some debris from his knee.
Finally, some word about the whole thing. Still, this seems pretty vague. My inkling is that the Texans don’t want to tip their hand regarding their level of interest in Sam, which would both jack up Adams’ asking price and make other teams looking at Adams bump up their offers out of the gate. I mean, if they weren’t interested in Big Sam at all, why would they “stay in touch” with him after the fact?
Then again, I am probably reading a LOT into this blurb because of how much I want to see them sign Adams.
***A somewhat-tedious-to-read explanation for why the UFL is not likely to succeed. I only include this link because the author uses Jacoby Jones to make her (his?) point.
For example, you know who Keyshawn Johnson is if you’re even a causal fan of the game. But do you know who Jacoby Jones is?
Who?
See that’s my point. Jacoby Jones is a wide receiver from tiny Lane College, drafted by the Houston Texans in the third round of the 2007 NFL Draft. That’s one of the rounds Hambrecht and Cuban say they’re going to “compete” with the NFL for players. That’s great for the player and for the NFL, because the NFL doesn’t have to worry about paying that player who may have dropped to the lower rounds for weird reasons more than a third round pick, and the player at least has another place to go, but don’t think there’s going to be a bidding war — in fact, I predict the opposite.
The Jacoby Jones [sic] of the world may try to use the UFL as a negotiating ploy, and wind up not being signed by the NFL team. It’s basic math — there are more “third round level” players, than first round level players, so someone else who fell past the eyes of NFL scouts may look better in free agency than the third round pick using an upstart league to cause a bidding war. So Jacoby Jones goes to the UFL and gets the same money he would have earned as a third round pick by the Houston Texans. Fine, so he’s happy. Meanwhile, the UFL gets a player no one ever heard of, and no one save for his family, friends, and the curious, will come out to see or turn on the TV to watch.
An interesting angle, I suppose. I don’t know that I can imagine any draftee going into a GM’s office and saying “yeah… I don’t know about this offer… I mean, the UFL is going to give me almost double.” Methinks that, in most cases, the GM is going to warn the player not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out. Which is sort of what the author was saying, I guess, but I don’t believe the UFL will give Johnny Third Round any sort of leverage to being with. If you want to play in the NFL, the UFL is going to have to come with some dollars that the NFL wouldn’t even consider before you are jumping ship.
Plus, even with third round players, I assume that many (most?) of them assume that they will become NFL stars. With that mindset, do you take slightly more to go to the UFL and hope that (a) they pay you as much as a comparable NFL star would be making in eight years or (b) hope you can pull a Warren Moon and jump over to the NFL, or do you sign on the dotted line with a team someone has heard of before? I know what I would do.
***Self-professed “foul-weather fan” (he likes both the Bengals and Texans) Dustin McKeehan offers an entertaining new blog, “Odell, Where Art Thou?” I’m not usually one to pimp other blogs, especially those about other teams, but I really enjoyed this one.
***The inimitable guys over at Battle Red Blog have a quick and dirty discussion of why Goodell’s latest act is just plane dumb.
The Commish is taking things to a whole new level, one that is analogous to smashing a gnat with a sledgehammer. Prohibiting cold beer on an NFL flight or at a team function is absolutely absurd.[...] No one from the League will complain publicly, I imagine, because clearly it is a politically incorrect position to take, but I for one find this to be an abuse of power that will solve nothing.
I have to agree; this is ridiculous. It’s almost admitting “well, I can’t prevent them from going to strip clubs, but I need to show some sort of control.” The irony, of course, is that such a stance will likely cause players to go out upon the plane’s landing, thereby increasing the likelihood of drinking and driving or being intoxicated in public. Strippers everywhere should be worried.
Justin Gatlin hopes to outrun DBs and pee tests
May 5, 2007 Pacman Jones' gunrack, Teams that aren't the Texans, Training camp 2007
I suppose this is only tangentially related to the Texans, considering they never gave him more than a cursory glance, but Justin Gatlin is back in the news. This time, he is sprinting through Tampa Bay’s minicamp, trying to make the Bucs as a wide receiver.
I also suppose this is only noteworthy (to the extent that it is) because of Gatlin’s track suspension, which came on the heels of a positive testosterone test at the Kansas City relays. I mean, it’s not like he is the first track star to try out for a football team. Still, I find it humorous that a league so currently concerned with public image and policing player behavior would sign off on a guy who has already been banned by another sport. Somewhere, Pacman Jones is pissed off. Which means no one is safe. Allegedly.
