Kickoff - “Where Wins Feel Like Losses and Losses Look Like Wins” Edition
Oct 20, 2008 2008 Season, Fire Richard Smith, Kickoff, Reggie Bush shat himself, Teams that aren't the Texans
Another week, another game that was tough on the bloodpressure and the willingness to not maim Richard Smith. Lots of stuff to cover today, time willing, so let’s get to the links.
Truth to power. Alan Burge says the “Texans are going nowhere” until the defense plays better. Can’t disagree with that at all. I have no idea how you play the Lions and don’t force a single turnover. (I do disagree with the idea, however, that all 30 other NFL teams would have beaten the Texans yesterday.)
No link, but… How awful was the officiating (from a Texans perspective) in that fourth quarter? Not roughing the kicker? Ticky-tack personal foul against Will Demps? (Not to mention the personal foul against Fred that the TV didn’t show clearly.) Very, very awful.
The Petey Faggins Experience. From the Chicago Tribune, a write-up on the game features this nugget:
The Texans punted early in the fourth quarter, pinning the Lions at their own 4-yard line. Calvin Johnson ran past the Texans’ defense and caught a perfect pass from Orlovsky and scored. It was Detroit’s longest pass play since 1998 and the fourth longest in team history.
Finally.
Another year, another injury for Captain Douchebag.
Monday Afternoon Randomness Somewhat Related To Yesterday’s Football Contests (As Well As The Game That Wasn’t)
Sep 15, 2008 2008 Season, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Ike, News and Notes, Ranting, Reggie Bush shat himself, Teams that aren't the Texans
…aaaaaand, we’re back!
First things first, my thoughts go out to all you Tina Turners who got battered around by Ike over the weekend. We had some minor power outages and had a neighbor’s window awning slam into our house at 2:30AM Sunday, but that was it. I can’t imagine having to deal with hundreds of gallons of water in my house or anything like that. (Also, if you have a little extra cash lying around and want to help, here’s the Red Cross link. They were a huge help when we were digging out of the tornado.)
Second, the decision to postpone the Texans game altogether sucked from a football fan standpoint, but I really think it was the only thing that could be done, especially once the NFL realized that the rescheduling of the game was feasible. I know a couple people suggested the Dome or Rice Stadium, but putting the game at either spot would have been a stretch considering people were still dealing with the hurricane. Sure, the game probably could have been played at a different site (including the aforementioned as well as stadiums where games were not scheduled this past week), but I don’t think the NFL and the powers-that-be thought it should be played.
So what does this mean for Texans fans? Well, for one, it means that our first four three games are on the road and our first four games might be the hardest four game stretch any team will face this year. (Seriously…@ Pittsburgh, @ Nashvile, @ Jacksonville, and v. Colts??? Thanks, Jesus!) On the flip side, it also means that we’ll have four straight home games (three of which we should be favored in) starting October 5 (v. Colts, v. Lions, v. Dophins, v. Bengals). Therefore, I think you can make a pretty strong case that we have to win at least one of the three upcoming division games (preferably next week if I am allowed to choose)if we are going to make any noise this year. That would give us a good shot at being 5-3 0r 4-4 after the tough half of our schedule is over.
Still, even with the added fun of four straight home games, the Week 2 bye sucks my balls. And not in that tender, loving way I prefer. No sir, it’s a full-on Vince-Young-Gay-Porn-moneyshot nutsuckin’ and that is totally due to the bye week. A week two bye, simply put, blows. A week eight bye, even more simply, rules. The former, especially when it comes unsuspected like this, meaning you had a week of normal practices, does nothing to help you heal or prepare or regroup for the stretch run. The latter does all of these things (and, assuming it doesn’t sneak up on you, also allows for some time off to heal the dings and nicks of seven weeks of football).
Which brings me to my larger point, which is one I’ve harped on from time to time through this blog’s lifecycle. Namely that there is NO REASON WHATSOEVER TO HAVE BYE WEEKS. The bye week is a remnant of the days of 31 teams, when someone had to be off each week because there were not enough teams for everyone to play every week. Nowdays, some teams get “rewarded” with a week 8 or (sometimes) week 9 bye week, giving players that would normally miss the next game time to heal while other teams are stuck with the ol’ week 4 early byes. There is no rhyme or reason (that I can see) to the scheduling of byes, either, meaning that teams cannot predict from year to year when their next bye will fall. How does any of this make sense? (Answer: It doesn’t, Matt. Like always, you are right on.)
****
Other news and notes from around my Week 2 Experience.
NFLN quote as the Titans-Bengals highlights showed Kerry Collins and Chris Simms. “This is what’s left of Tropical Depression Vince.” A+, guys.
Keith Bulluck’s blocked punt/punt block TD was one of the best plays I’ve seen from an OLB in a loooong time. Very impressive. Damn it.
The St. Louis Rams and the Minnesota Vikings are apparently using the same playbook. Chapter 2 of that playbook is “Never, Ever Do Anything To Get Your Franchise RB The Ball In Space.” Both teams have abandoned the swing pass and are trying to subsist on slants, the occasional go route, and draws and traps. Oh, and the always fun, “RB chips the blitzer, then goes two yards and turns around for a worthless short pass.” Unfortunately, if you are St. Louis (or their fans), the Rams’ D is nowhere near good enough to keep them in games that Minnesota can stay in.
Speaking of Minnesota, Ryan Longwell, you are on notice for choking that last FG. That said, Minny’s refusal to go for the TD when down in the red zone was further proof of the idea that conventional football wisdom is often anything but wise.
Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall are a studs, but the real balls belong to Mike Shanahan. Not only did he have the sack to go for the win rather than the tie, but he used the EXACT same play as he’d just run to score the TD. Tecmo Bowl School of Game Management, cum laude.
Justin Tuck is fucking great.
Marc Bulger is not.
Tarvaris Jackson is getting lambasted for doing the exact same things that Vince Young has been doing for two years now.
Man, a smart fellow would have predicted this Jags decline and David Garrard’s struggles. Oh, wait…I did. Yay, me.
Man, a smart fellow would have predicted this Buffalo success. Oh, wait…I did. Yay, me again.
Darren McFadden is damn good, but he is not as good as Kansas City made him look. No one is. I am reasonably sure Tim could rush for 95 yards and a TD against the Chefs.
Reggie Bush = Still a Douchebag.
An Open Letter to Reggie Bush
Sep 14, 2008 2006 Draft, Reggie Bush, Reggie Bush shat himself, Tremendous Busts
Dear Fuckface,
When you are drafted #2 overall to play RUNNING BACK and are being held to 2.8/carry by a Redskins team that got throttled last week, you should probably not taunt as you RETURN A PUNT, even if it is for a TD. Because doing that makes you a complete fucking douchebag; after all, you wouldn’t be returning punts if you were a three-down back. You fucking retard.
FOAD,
Matt
Breaking News: Reggie Bush still scared of Mario
Aug 14, 2008 Demarcus Faggins sucks, Reggie Bush, Reggie Bush shat himself, Secondary issues are primary, Teams that aren't the Texans
To no one’s surprise, Reggie Bush has begged out of Saturday’s game against the Texans due to an, ahem, “knee injury.”
Coach Sean Payton said that “Poor Reggie has been crying during walkthroughs all week. We had to assign Richard Justice to follow him and clean his accidental piddles. We believe it best for all parties that he sit out this week’s games. The little fellow just can’t face Mario again.”*
Bush is expected to be healthy for the third preseason game and contribute his stellar 1.9 YPC to the offense.
* May or may not be true
