Archive for the ‘Ron Dayne likes pie’ Category

Oh Shipp

Aug 18, 2008 Dancing With the 'Tards, Ron Dayne likes pie

With a h/t to TPL, the hometown heroes signed Marcel Shipp.  Even if being slightly forgiving that he was with the Cards throughout his career, Shipp’s 3.6 YPC is simply sucky.

Pancakes seems to believe that the signing spells the end for Ahman “Football to the Groin” Green on the team.  Due $4.5MM for the year no matter what we do, I don’t think it’ll happen…yet.  But unless Green actually takes the damn field at some point, Pancakes *gulp* might be right.

So where does this leave us?  Our running game has looked pretty awful in the preseason.  The team asked Chris Taylor to bulk up, which he did, and then he didn’t do much rushing the ball and now he is hurt.  Darius Walker didn’t get a single rush last week, so it seems Smithiak doesn’t consider him an answer.  Chris Brown looked pretty decent, but he’s no more physically reliable than is Green.

So, is the only reliable RB we have on the roster an unproven rookie in Steve Slaton?  And is Slaton a 300 carries kinda guy?  Makes you wonder what Ron “Three Pies and a Cloud of Meringue” Dayne is up to these days, doesn’t it?*

It’s not time to panic yet, and I don’t think our offensive line has even thrown a single cut-block so far, but I am starting to feel a bit antsy.

What do y’all think?

* My guess?  450.

Edit: Got some awesome feedback from Keith, who deserves my most empahtic leg hugs for his help, and you can see it here.  In addition, I had a follow-up question for him:

Handsome, virile, and manly bfd: I can’t find the precise terms of the contract, but I thought the first two years of it were guaranteed?  There is some amount of money that is, I believe.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2787723

Does that change the June 1 cut amount?

Response from Keith:

So, media reports are often incorrect or misleading, mostly because it involves agents talking to journalists. ‘nuf said.

The guaranteed money mentioned by Pastabelly is not mentioned in the documentation I have from the NFLPA, so I consider the report erroneous. Technically, Green’s $5 million signing bonus is guaranteed. I imagine the agent told ESPN that the workout and roster bonuses were pretty much guaranteed (for a total of $2.1 million if he played out the contract) to give Lenny the impression that “$6 million-$7 million” is guaranteed.

So there we have it.  Thanks, Keith!

I CAN HAZ RUNNING BACK?

Jul 11, 2008 Fake Conversations with Real People, Gary Kubiak, Inanity, Rick Smith, Ron Dayne likes pie

Rick Smith: So, yeah, I figured out that if you order from Papa John’s online you can order one of the specialty pizzas — meat lovers, Hawaiian, whatever — but then add and remove toppings, so that you get whatever pizza you want at the special price.

Gary Kubiak: Wait…what?

Smith: Yeah, you can pick whatever pizza has the best deal but still get something else.

Kubiak: I honestly don’t–  You mean I can say I want a barbeque chicken pizza, but still end up with black olive and mushroom?

Smith: Exactly!  Wild, huh?!  The missus and I had QUITE the laugh over that.

(secretary enters)

Rick Smith’s Secretary: Mr. Smith, a delivery man just brought this box of donuts for you.

Smith: Huh?

Secretary: Yeah, he said that it was to be delivered to you.  It’s very sticky.  May I set it down?

Smith: (clearing space on his desk) Of course.  Thank you. (considers slapping her ass as she leaves, but doesn’t)

(opens box) Gary, look…someone FedExed me 12 donuts.  (counts again) Wait, no, 11 donuts.  Odd.

Kubiak: Are those sprinkles?

Smith: Yeah.  No, hold on…they are letters.  Someone stuck Alpha-Bits to the donuts! (takes one out)  This one says “Ron haz itch to.”  (pulls another from box) “Take Ron back.”

Kubiak: (picks up donut) “Dayne haz tal–.”  I’m guessing that said “talent” before someone took a bite out of it.

Smith: This one just says “Ron” (pauses, looks closer) and the other glaze seems to have been licked off! (drops donut)

Kubiak: “Ahman wuss Brown haz gay.”  What in the world?

Smith: “I eat ur kidz if Ron not play.”

Kubiak: This is freakin’ weird, man.

(Smith’s phone rings)

Smith: (answering phone) Hello?

Disguised voice: Did yu git muh meshizh?

Smith: Excuse me?

Voice: Muh meshizh!

Smith: Why does it sound like you have a mouth full of Funyuns?

Voice: (chews, swallows) DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE?!

Smith: Yes, Ron.

Voice: Good.  I mean, this isn’t Ron!  This is…um…a concerned fan.

Smith: Ron, your name came up on caller ID.  I told you, we have no need for your services this year.

Voice: Oh.

…

Hmm.

…

Could you return those donuts, then?

OTA Transactions

May 22, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Bud Adams is evil, Inflamed body parts, Ron Dayne likes pie

Yes, this post is the height of laziness, so just bite me.  Consider this post link free!*

The Texans made a couple of moves today, though they are about as Earth-shattering as the time I went to that all-guys shirtless party and met this wonderful lad named…..

Oops.

Sadly, the Texans won’t have a psychotic killing doll on the team as Chukky Okobi was placed on IR.  This is his age 30 season, which means it’s doubtful he ever returns, which is kinda sad.  Chukky was a fine prospect until his neck injury, and I would’ve loved to see his hard-nosed style lead the offensive line.

We signed Tim Carter!  WHEE!!!!  The WR is fast as hell, but he couldn’t catch a cold and would probably wind up on the IR if he did.  I admit to having a bit of that Al Davis/speed infatuation in me, and here’s another case where I was really fucking wrong.  Oh well.  Carter won’t last long.

What I most want to mention is that the Babyeating-Sisterfuckers are bringing in Ron “If you cut me, do I not bleed custard?” Dayne for a little talkie talkie.  In my harsh opinion, bringing Dayne back into the fold as a RB would have been an epic fail on the part of the Texans.  At 452 pounds, Dayne should at least know to fall forward, but he couldn’t.  I thank him for his time and effort, but he was done a couple of years ago.

In response to this news, every “House of Pies” in Houston is flying their flag at half-mast, though many kitchen workers are happy for the break.

* Source: the absolutely indispensable rotoworld.com

“really high” on Chris Taylor

Mar 12, 2008 2008 Draft, 2008 Season, Alex Gibbs, Chris Taylor gets you stoned, Dancing With the 'Tards, Fluff, Ron Dayne likes pie, Self-Referential Stuff

So, what I want to know is, do you crush Chris Taylor and snort him? Or do you roll him and smoke him? Just curious.

Pancakes has a column up discussing his take on why the Texans won’t draft a RB in the first round. If you can get around the poor grammar and writing style (”really high?”), it’s basically because of Alex Gibbs and Chris Taylor. You know, thinking about the column, this is about the highest level of technical football I’ve seen him write. Then, of course, he spends most of the column self-fluffing. OK, enough bashing.

That the coaching staff is “really high” on Taylor isn’t really new news unto itself. They have been for a while, and Kubiak specifically wanted Taylor. I believe a healthy Taylor is why “Three Pies and a Cloud of Meringue” Dayne has not been re-signed (obviously a drastic blow to the Houston area House of Pies franchise). However, Taylor’s 4.54 40-yard isn’t exactly top-of-the-line, and that’s before his reconstructive knee surgery.

Pancakes also mentions a LT, but unless one of the more elite prospects amazingly slides to us, I don’t think Kubes takes a LT in the first round.

That said, and with another influence from Matt’s post yesterday, my current hypothesis is that we go DE in Round 1, RB/CB/LT in Round 3, CB/LT/RB in Round 4, and DT in the 5th (assuming we don’t trade up or down in the first). The Texans may be getting really stoned on Chris Taylor, but he’s not the long-term answer here, and I still think we take a RB on the earlier side.

In other self-fluffing news (if I could, I’d never leave the house), I just started reading _God Save the Fan_ by Deadspin’s Will Leitch. Already an entertaining read, and it’s yet another reason why I think our best “news” and information is coming from the blogosphere these days.

Edit: Matt mentions the possibility of taking Aqib Talib in the first, which is obviously a possibility, as well.

Alive

Feb 16, 2008 Andre Johnson, Blasphemy, Bloggerating, Free Agency, Had to post something, Inanity, Injury bug, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Ron Dayne likes pie, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Sign Andre Davis now, Updates

I know it’s been dead-ish around here. Apologies.

All should improve starting tomorrow. I think. Probably.

Until then, here are five topics to discuss:

  • Has anyone ever done more in a shorter time to submarine his own trade value than Sage did at the end of the season?
  • Andre Johnson–god, or mere demigod?
  • If Ahman Green died in a forest, would anyone notice?
  • Given that Andre Davis is a special teams ninja as well as a solid receiver, do you think Jacoby Jones admires Apostrohpe or secretly wishes him dead?
  • Who weighs more: Ron Dayne or Rosie O’Donnell?

Three pies and a cloud of meringue

Jan 21, 2008 2007 Season, 2008 Draft, Charles Spencer, Free Agency, Offensive (punch)Line, RB free-for-all, Ron Dayne likes pie

There’s been a lot of talk about taking a running back with our first round pick in the 2008 Draft - with good cause - so I am going to take just a quick look behind and ahead at our RB experience.

2007 was the year of the Pie for the Texans running game. After signing a $400 quadrillion contract in the off-season, Ahman Green proved what most of the rest of us already knew: a RB over 30 years old = over the hill. And to get over that hill, he’ll need some oxygen. Now, it is true that Green looked great in the pre-season and in the first game. Sadly, though his longest rush of the year came on his first rush of the year, and he wound up with only 260 yards and a pathetic 3.7 YPC. This left the majority of the team’s carries to Ron Dayne.

It’s not like Dayne had a bad year. His YPC was marginally successful at 4.0, but the league averaged 4.1 YPC. In other words, the guy who got the ball the most for us was below average versus the league…including the super sucky Bears. As a team, the Texans ranked 24th in YPC and 22nd in total rushing yards. Yeah, as master of the obvious, let me state: we need to improve the running game.

As Matt mentions in his Zone Blocking Manifesto, Gibbs is unlikely to take an offensive lineman in the first round, though he has done this. With as deep of a crop of RBs as there are in this year’s draft, I’m not sold on taking a RB with our first pick, either. Look at how well 7th round pick Ahmad Bradshaw performed last night: RB talent can be found deep in the draft. We know that Gibbs alone with help the running game, but there’s no way in hell we should count on Barbaro Spencer being healthy, either. There are a ton of variables at play here to improve the running game, and I haven’t even talked about the rest of the offense yet.

Personally, I’m starting to convince myself that signing Tatum Bell might be a good idea, then use a pick (maybe a 2nd rounder if we trade back, or a 3rd rounder if not) to take a RB. Bell should come relatively cheaply, and he knows the system. Hell, in Denver, he averaged 4.9 YPC. Yes, he comes with some baggage (pouty, can’t handle a big workload, issues picking up the blitz), but he also gives us the home run ability that not a single other Texan on the roster has. After his 39 yard run, Dayne had to have a peach pie IVed into him. By drafting a RB a little later, we can still address the problem in the running game and plug a hole elsewhere.

Regardless (and assuming we re-sign him), if Dayne gets more than 40 carries in 2008, we will have to consider our off-season plan to address the running game a failure. And, no, I give no disclaimer due to injury. Simply, there are better options out there than Dayne, and we need to find them.

Source: nfl.com for stats.

So…about that zone blocking.

Jan 11, 2008 2008 Season, Alex Gibbs, Awesomeness, Football 101, Nnamdi Asomugha, Posts that list too many players, Preview, RB free-for-all, Ron Dayne likes pie, Stats, Teams that aren't the Texans

The hiring of Alex Gibbs prompted at least three people to ask me to re-address the zone blocking concept. Because there are a few things in the original post on the subject that I wanted to correct or clarify, I am glad to. [Note: all block quotes are cut-and-pasted from the original post.]

Not long ago, I heard a color commentator mention during an NFL game that a “zone blocking system is one in which the lineman all have a specific area they are responsible for, kind of like a zone defense in basketball.” I found the same sort of thought at Football Outsiders, too. While this is more-or-less, sorta kinda accurate when it comes to pass blocking, it is not correct vis-a-vis run blocking. Or, at least, not near correct enough to get the point across. At its most basic level, all a zone run blocking scheme means is that the offensive linemen work in pairs against two or three of the defensive linemen–i.e. the guard and center simultaneously block a defensive tackle–with one of the offensive linemen then peeling off and blocking a linebacker. The “zone” the system refers to is the part of the line where the running play is going. This is what creates the “one cut” system, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

Let’s expound on that a little. First, for the sake of brevity and clarity, let’s get some acronyms working. “ZPB” will refer to zone pass blocking and “ZRB” will refer to…well, you get it.

Anyway, in a ZPB scheme, it is true that the offensive linemen are responsible for an area rather than a specific defender. This means on a blitz or a defensive lineman stunt, the offensive linemen must all be on the same page as to assignments and all must maintain zone discipline similar to lane discipline on special teams coverage. Getting this coordinated movement down is one of the more difficult aspects of learning the system, mainly because of some of the intricacies involved.

For instance, imagine a twist-stunt between the RDE and RDT. In pure theory, the LT and LG are just going to wait for the stunting lineman to come into their respective zones. Problem is, the game moves at too high a speed–especially when you are talking about the speed of a DE compared to an OG. In this situation, assuming a normal twist where the end goes under the tackle, four distinct movements will happen on the O-line. (1) The LT will engage the DE to stop him from shooting the gap. (2) The LG will step backward and to his left. (3) The LT will disengage the DE, passing him off to the LG who is now in position to block him. (4) The LT will locate and pickup the stunting DT.

As with any pass-blocking scheme, you have the question of how blitz pickup works. There are some people who disagree, but I actually feel blitz pickup is easier in a zone system. Assume a blitz where the SLB is going to shoot the B gap, the LDE is going outside the tackle (C gap) and the LDT is going A gap. Here, we have at least three defined movements. (1) The RG engages the DT, allowing the C enough time to get his head up and make the 45-degree step back and to his right. (2) The RG passes the DT off to the C, now in position, and slides right to pick up the SLB. (3) The RT picks up the LDE as he usually would. The reason this is preferable (at least in my mind) is that it simplifies the blitz pickup assignment, as each offensive lineman is essentially guarding a gap rather than worrying about who will pick up the extra rusher. This way, if the SLB actually goes to the C gap and the LDE stunts to the B gap, the RT mirrors what the RG did in steps (1) and (2) above, then passes the DE to the RG. The TE mirrors the two linemen, picks up the SLB (if necessary), and then passes him off to the RT before releasing.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say. “That’s all fine and dandy, but what about the good stuff?” Because, as we all know, the real excitement of the Gibbs hire (and the real difficultly in implementing the zone system) comes from ZRB.

Let’s walk through a example play where the running back is supposed to go right against a 4-3 defensive front. At the snap of the ball, the left tackle and left guard block the nose tackle, the center takes under tackle, and the right guard and right tackle block the left defensive end. This two-on-one blocking allows the offensive front to get a push and, also, to create the running lanes. Now, here’s where it gets tricky. Depending on certain factors (where the defensive player lined up, which direction the running play is going, where the LB is in relation to the defensive lineman, etc.), one offensive player from each double-team will disengage the defensive lineman and pick up the corresponding linebacker. So, in our example, assuming a standard 4-3 Over, the LT would disengage and slide to the second level to pick up the WLB, the RG would do the same and pick up the Mike linebacker, and the TE would be responsible (from the snap) for the SLB.

If this is done correctly, there should be a hole between the TE and RT, the C and where the RG was, and the C and LG. This is the “inside zone” and is where the “one cut” comes into play. In this system, the running back chooses one of these holes, makes his single cut, and goes. Ideally, he won’t make this cut until he is almost to his offensive lineman, thus allowing the defense less time to react to his angle. By contrast, the “outside zone” is the area beyond the TE/Sam block. Plays designed to seal off the defense and open up the outside zone do not have the “one cut” aspect to them–the running back is obligated to head outside (in theory, at least)–so the linemen block similar to a man blocking scheme, where there is a pre-determined hole.

The above part is where I should have been more precise. Apologies.

For one thing, if you want to be extremely technical, running this play to the hole between the RG and RT is “middle zone.” That’s really neither here nor there for our discussion, but I want to be thorough. Additionally, you could include a stretch play, where the RB heads for just inside the last offensive player (i.e. a WR). This is far more common in college, but can be done in the NFL with the right personnel.  We shan’t be doing it much with Ron Dayne, however, so we’ll ignore it for now.

Another slight correction. Re: the man-blocking appearance of the outside zone runs, it is possible to run a variation, wherein the tackle seals the DE, the C cuts the DT, and the G peels around to seal off the OLB. This is often called a “pull and overtake” or “pin and pull” maneuver. The key is that the G make an initial hit on the playside shoulder of the DE to knock him off balance and allow the OT to overtake him.

With those corrections out of the way, let’s look at some other aspects of ZRB.

First, some historical background. Like all good football innovations, ZRB was developed as a response to a defensive trend. Teams were using a slant/angle defense, where the defensive linemen all rush to the same side of their corresponding offensive linemen and the blitzing linebacker flows back the other direction into a wide open rushing lane to sack the QB or blow up the running play. ZRB (and ZPB) mitigated this by allowing linemen to pass rushers off and stay home to deal with the linebackers. In fact, with ZRB, a properly-handled blitzing LB is basically taking himself out of the play. If he is blitzing to the same side as the running play, he’s picked up and and sealed off like any other defensive lineman; if he’s blitzing to the backside of the running play–as long as it is not through the A gap–he is generally allowed to shoot through with minimal resistance as the one-cut technique allows the RB to be long gone by the time the LB adjusts.

A second feature of ZRB is its consistency in appearance. From snap to cut, every play should look more or less the same, forcing the linebackers into a no-win choice–do they stay home and see where the play develops (and, thus, risk getting picked up by the offensive lineman who has just disengaged and looked to the second level) or do they flow with the play and more often than not overpursue? Part of the reason they are forced into this quandry is because the RB in a ZRB system has two responsibilities–first, he is running to a specific spot (usually called a “landmark”) on each play. This spot can vary, but it usually somewhere right around the OG’s butt. Second, he is running toward that landmark as for as long as he can, so that he gets as deep as possible into the line–and causes the flowing linebackers to keep moving away–before making his cut.

[Author's note: I need to make another correction here. I stated that running to the outside zone does not have the one-cut aspect to it and that it is more like traditional man blocking. While this is true, it overlooks that, because it looks the same as the middle- and inside-zone runs as it initially develops, the fact that your back has been making cuts effectively turns not making a cut and going outside just as effective as the cuts. Like anything in football, it's all about mixing it up.]

A third feature of ZRB is actually what it does not feature. Namely, it is very rare (read: never) that you will see a counter or misdirection play. The reason for this should be obvious. If the running back goes right, but the entire ZRB unit sets up for a run to the left, the play doesn’t really fool anyone, the RB is pretty much forced to turn the run into an outside zone or stretch play when he heads back to his left, and the RB is running right into the defensive players that ZRB lets through with minimal resistance. There are some variations on ZRB that attempt to incorporate traps and counters, but they are few and far between.

Fourth, traditional ZRB chooses which side to run the play to based upon the defensive technique. What do I mean? Well, take your inside zone, for instance. Most teams will run all inside- and middle-zone runs toward the 1-technique tackle, regardless of whether he lines up on the right or left. This is because his position relative to the inside shoulder of the OG makes it easy for the C and OG to double-team him, push him in the proper direction, and still be in position to pick up the LB. This lack of this sort of theory is part of what made the Texans system in ‘06 and ‘07 a hybrid–they would run plays to pre-determined sides, meaning that certain plays called for man blocking and eliminated double teams.

Facets of zone blocking thus taken care of, let’s move on to the final pieces of the puzzle–personnel and Gibbs’ history.

In the last post, I wrote:

Well, as Tim correctly notes, the zone blocking scheme almost invariably features smaller, more agile offensive linemen. The reason should be obvious–it is not going to be real easy for a Larry Allen to engage a defender, then slide his big butt away from the block and pick up a linebacker who is 4 or 5 tenths of a second faster than he is. Besides, since you are hitting at the initial point of attack with a 2-on-1 advantage, you don’t need a pair of 340 lb. behemoths; a pair of 280 lb. lineman will work just fine, with the added bonus of being able to pick up linebackers and be more maneuverable in space.

I then went on to opine that our current crop doesn’t fit that mold, which is true, and explaining the underlying theory of the smaller guys. However, what I failed to really flesh out is that the idea of smaller linemen is only the current theory of what works and it is primarily based on the success Denver has had. However, just like how teams moved from the power-I to today’s offensive formations, the current mold for a ZRB lineman is not necessarily the only thing that works.

The Denver theory of using two-on-one and having the speed to get to the second level is fine and it is incredibly successful. However, it is also the reason that they have to use the cut-blocks that so many people complain about. When Gibbs took over Denver’s offensive line in 1984, his offensive linemen were nearly all between 260 and 280. He played with the hand he was dealt and created a ZRB scheme that utilized cutblocking because he had to (though it is no stretch to say that, over time, he developed an affinity for the sub-300 lbers). After all, there are two ways to create running lanes–you can move the defensive player out of the way or you can knock him down. Even going two-on-one, because of the way ZRB quickly disengages and moves to the next level, your two 280-lb linemen don’t have the bulk to appreciably move a 340-lb 1-technique tackle before one of them releases. So you send one of the 270-lbers into the side of the DT’s thigh and knock him flat.1

If, on the other hand, you have more bulk at the point of attack, you obviate the need for the cut block because you can physically move the DT before the OG (or whomever) slides to the next level. Simple physics, really–620 lbs are going to exert more force in a given time than 560 lbs will.

Now…which of these lineman prototypes is preferable? I honestly can’t say. On the one hand, as we discussed, the smaller, more agile linemen give you the speed to move to the linebackers and the size to fit through smaller gaps in order to get to that next level. However, as commenter cseafous pointed out (comment #4), modern linebackers are always going to be faster than even the most agile OG. So, unless your RB is really, really good at running to his landmark and freezing the LBs, there’s a fairly decent chance that the OG will not be able to pick up the LB on the run. Conversely, if you have traditional offensive linemen, you have a lot more mass at the point of attack, but you create a situation where the doubleteam has to engage, move, have one disengage, and find the next level more quickly to compensate for the lack of speed.

Ideally, you’d get guys like Eric Winston who were slightly smaller than average (305) but were strong (22 reps) and quicker (4.93) than average, basically splitting the baby and getting maximum push in a short amount of time while still having the agility to pick up LBs. Of course, if it were that easy to find those guys, everyone would do it. Still, I imagine that, over time, you will see the girth of our existing line lessened.

Ignoring the size of the blockers for a second, the cool thing about Gibbs, however, is that he’s had success everywhere he’s gone, regardless of the initial group he got to work with. When he got to Denver, the team ran for 746 yards in its first five games. When he went to Atlanta in 2004, he had guys like Kynan Forney (307), Martin Bibla (306), Michael Moore (318)…not exactly the prototype from his Denver days (and not exactly All-Pros). Yet that Falcons team had both backs–Warrick Dunn and TJ Duckett–average at least 4.2/carry and they were consistent in those averages pretty much game in and game out.

With that kind of sustained success, regardless of the personnel he starts with, I think it is safe to say that hiring Alex Gibbs is going to prove to be bigger than any single offseason move we might make. And I would stick by that statement even if we signed Nnamdi Asomugha.

Another consistent thing about Gibbs’ teams–more often than not, they don’t take offensive linemen early in the draft. In 1984, the first o-lineman they took was in Round 8 (Winford Hood). In 1985, Round 5 (Billy Hinson). In 1986, Round 4 (Jim Juriga–this one is misleading, though, because the fourth round was the first pick Denver had). In 1987, Round 8 (Dan Morgan). In 1995, Round 4 (Jamie Brown). In 1996, Round 7 (Leslie Ratliff). In 1997, Round 3 (Dan Neil). In 1998, Round 7 (Trey Teague). In 1999, Round 2 (Lennie Friedman). In 2000, Round 4 (Cooper Carlisle). In 2001, Round 4 (Ben Hamilton). In 2002, they didn’t draft one. Finally, in 2003, Round 1 (George Foster).

When he went to Atlanta, the trend continued. 2004–didn’t draft one. 2005–Round 5 (Frank Omiyale). 2006–Round 5 (Quinn Ojinnaka).

Long story short, you can probably stop mentioning names like Ryan Clady and Sam Baker when you are talking about possible picks at 18. While not drafting first-round OTs is nothing new for this franchise, with Gibbs on board, the results almost surely will be.

1 Mark Schlereth has also said that a benefit of the cutblock is that you keep knocking these 300 lb. DTs down and they have to get right back up and trail the play while the O-lineman lays there and rests until the play ends, thus tiring the defensive player far more quickly. This is probably true, but is more of an added benefit than a raison d’etre for ZRB.

.500

Dec 30, 2007 2007 Season, Awesomeness, Chad Stanley, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Free Agency, Matt Turk rules, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, Posts that list too many players, Ron Dayne likes pie, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Secondary issues are primary, Sign Andre Davis now, Stats, Team Records

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your non-losing Houston Texans.  There were a lot of statements made in this game, both good and bad. At the end of the day, however, the fact that we won our eighth game overshadows every single thing I am about to write.

  • Dear Texans Fans, You’re welcome. Love, Andre Davis. Seriously…that was amazing. Hell, it was Hester-esque. Between what he offered as a WR when Andre Johnson was out, how well he played on punt coverage (highly underrated), and his contributions as a kick returner, we would be ridiculously stupid not to sign him to a multi-year deal. As an added bonus, signing him means we don’t even have to consider re-signing Jerome Mathis, which is good if only because Mathis might hurt himself signing the contract.
  • Dear Matt, How’s that for “not good?” Love, Darius Walker. I apologize for doubting you. No, you might not have the fastest top-end in town and, no, you might not be able to get the corner against a fast defense, but you have fantastic vision and you don’t dance around behind the line. Like I said over in the Game Thread, it seems like Walker hits his top speed–whatever that may be–instantly. So, what he might lack as an open field runner, he more than makes up for between the tackles. Fact: If you take away his 41 yard run, Walker still averaged 5 yards per carry; if you include that run, he averaged 8.6. Nice.
  • Dear Petey Faggins, I don’t think your pre-game pointers helped. Love, Von Hutchins. Wow…as surprisingly good as Walker was, that’s how shockingly bad Hutchins looked. It got to the point early on that I half expected Garrard to come to the line, find Hutchins, and start laughing before the snap. Even Tina Turner wasn’t abused like that.
  • Dear Von Hutchins, Thanks for the opportunity! Love, Dexter Wynn. Much like how Kubiak pulled Faggins out of the Atlanta game to try and stop the bleeding, Wynn replaced Hutchins for the most part after the second TD that Hutchins coughed up. Dexter looked surprisingly solid, especially when you consider the size he was giving up to the Jacksonville WRs. He wasn’t perfect and you sure wouldn’t want to go into the season with him as your CB2, but he might have gotten a leg up on Hutchins in the “which one will we re-sign” battle (both are unrestricted free agents).
  • Dear Sage Rosenfels, About that whole trading-for-you thing…nevermind. Love, NFL GMs with QB Problems. Short of sporting bouffant hair and wearing white gloves, I don’t know that it would be possible for a player to damage his trade value more than Sage has the last two weeks. While he wasn’t atrocious or anything to day, he wasn’t anywhere approaching “good.” Even the TD pass to Daniels was on a poor throw and required a great grab by the big TE. Of course, he later felt the need to hit an opposing DB between the numbers for his weekly INT. He’s still a good backup, but any talk (by me) of getting a third-round or better pick for him or any talk (by others) about a QB controversy needs to be put on hold. Let’s all take a deep breath and move on.
  • Dear NFL QBs, Be afraid in 2008. Very afraid. Love, Mario Williams. No, our resident sackmaster didn’t get the one he needed to pass Patrick Kearney, but Jacksonville was clearly concerned with him from the first snap. This was some of the most blatant holding of Mario we’ve seen this year, but the refs seem to have already put him in the category of elite pass rushers that can be held with near-impunity. I don’t think it’s a stretch to expect at least 18 sacks out of Mario next season. Reggie who?
  • Dear Richard Smith, How did you manage to make Quinn Gray look like Peyton Manning? Love, Texans Fans. Here’s a thought–and I think we’ve been over this before–but when your secondary is getting worked like Jenna Jameson’s labia and you are letting a backup QB throw for four TDs, maybe you shouldn’t completely abandon the blitz. Because, maybe I am crazy, but it seems like you would have seen over the past month how much better this entire defensive unit is when you are blitzing and you would have used that knowledge against the Jags so they didn’t pick you apart with their gigantic WRs against your patchwork defensive backfield. Just sayin’.
  • Dear Rick Smith, Please get rid of Richard Smith before he forces me to climb a clock tower and start shooting student nurses. Love, Matt.
  • Dear Rick Smith, I think I deserve more than $1.3MM next season. Love, Ron Dayne. The Trayne ended this game with 88 yards (4.2/carry) and 2 more TDs, giving him a team-high 773 yards (career high) and 6 rushing TDs. He also added career highs in receptions (17) and receiving yards (112). If we can get him back for any combination of bonus and salary under $2MM/year, I think we have to.

Other tidbits

  • When he wasn’t busy misidentifying Texans or mispronouncing names, Dick Enberg mentioned that the forty-two points scored today was a new franchise record. This breaks the old record of 34, set against Carolina in week 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an offense.
  • If I told you before the season started that Darius Walker would have more rushing yards than Ahman Green and that the two of them combined would have fewer than Ron Dayne, what would you have guessed our record to be?
  • Chad Stanley, 2006: 41.6 yards per punt, 36.7 net. Matt Turk, 2007: 41.7 yards per punt, 37.9 net. Yet, despite their similarities, there were only a couple games where Turk worried me, as opposed to sixteen where I was concerned by Stanley. Weird.
  • We won despite being outgained by 91 yards and having 3:34 less in time of possession. God bless Andre Davis.
  • 8-8. Never has symmetry looked so nice.

“Down the road a-ways,” I’ve heard said, “a new day’s comin’ on.”

Dec 2, 2007 2006 Draft, 2007 Draft, 2007 Season, 2008 Draft, Andre Johnson, Batman, Curious Coaching, DeMeco Ryans, Pro Bowl 2008, Richard Justice is a talentless hack., Ron Dayne likes pie, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario, The Schaub Experiment

I’m not really sure where to start. I actually felt ill watching the second half unfold. For everything that went right–Mario Williams, DeMeco Ryans, Andre Johnson–it seemed like just as many if not more went wrong–season-crippling injuries, poor special teams, poor run defense, continual mental mistakes.

One could easily argue that this game was a microcosm of our entire season, so let’s approach the recap that way.

The continued development of Mario Williams. The continued, Fox-News-like insistence of Richard Justice aside, most people agree that Mario has progressed well in his first full healthy season. After notching three sacks in his first seven games, Super Mario scored three in the past four games prior to today. So, all he does today is come in, put up a new personal single game high two and a half sacks (one was a gimme), and break the franchise single-season sack record. He is currently two sacks away from the franchise career record of 15 (Kylie Wong).

The continued excellence of DeMeco Ryans. His 14 total tackles today–a season high–pushed him over 100 for the season and gave him three straight games (and five total games this season) with at least 10 total tackles. Week in, week out, the one consistent thing about this team is DeMeco. If he doesn’t make the Pro Bowl this season, it will be a complete traveshamockery.

The continued demonstration of how much Andre Johnson means to this offense. This doesn’t need much explanation. Basically, Andre gives us a WR who, when healthy, is almost always good for 8-10 catches, 110+ yards, and a TD or two. More importantly, though, is that he catches nearly every ball thrown at him, regardless of how good a pass it really was. He is so good that I was actually shocked when he didn’t haul in the pass from Sage Rosenfels down around the ten yard line, despite the fact that catching it would have required him to stop on a dime, spin back 180 degrees, and snag a ball that was thrown at his back shoulder.

The continued enigma that is Ron Dayne. Don’t look at me; I’m as confused as you. In the first eight games of the year, Dayne played in six. Of those, only once did he crack three yards/carry. His single game high during that stretch was 62 yards. Since then, however, he’s been nothing short of, um, well above average. He’s been over four yards/carry every game, and he’s put up 122, 89, 78, and 86 yards respectively. Just when it was concede by nearly everyone involved in football that we had no running game whatsoever, the Dayne Trayne got on track and proved nearly everyone wrong. Perhaps the strangest thing about this, though, is that I still have no desire to go into next season with Ron Dayne occupying a prominent role in this offense.

The continued inability to beat the Tennessee Titans. 10-2. That’s the all-time record between the Titans the Texans. We have been beaten by Steve McNair six times, Vince Young three times, and Kerry Collins once. We have not beaten them since 2004, when we inexplicably beat them twice. It does not seem to matter who is under center for them or for us. It doesn’t matter how well or poorly we play. It doesn’t even matter how late in the game we manage to hold a lead. It defies explanation, yet somehow it defines much of the past 5-plus seasons. And now, it’s cost me two bottles of Jagermeister. Good times.

The continued plague of injuries. OK, now it’s just getting ridiculous. We can add Fred Weary (broken leg) and Chris White (injured MCL) to this list of players lost for the year, raising that total to 15. And that doesn’t even count Ahman Green, who has yet to finish a single game; or Matt Schaub, who has been knocked from games more than once and who might now be lost for the year with a dislocated shoulder; or Andre Johnson, who missed eight of our 12 games with a completely avoidable injury; or any of the myriad other players who have been listed as “questionable” or worse this season.

The continued sieve that passes as run defense. The 153 yards allowed to the Titans today was even worse than the 119 yards/game average we allowed coming in. In fact, we went from 22nd in the league to 25th in rushing yards allowed/game based on today’s (lack of) performance. In fact, this probably deserves its own post at some point.

The continued struggles on special teams. Early in the year, there were issues with Kris Brown (see, e.g., the Atlanta game). Then, we had issues with kickoff returns while Jacoby Jones was out (see, e.g., the first Titans game, when Andre Davis decided that kicks 9 yards deep in the end zone were still worth bringing out). Then, it was Matt Turk channeling Chad Stanley (see, e.g., the San Diego game). Today, it was Jacoby deciding that fair catches were for girls…until he muffed one that effectively ended our chances at winning the game. Oh, and let’s not forget the stupid holding penalty that negated our own recovery of a Tennessee muff (which sounds dirty, but isn’t). He’s not Richard Smith-level bad, but special teams coach Joe Marciano isn’t exactly doing a bang-up job.

The continued mental mistakes of both players and coaches. Sage Rosenfels‘ curious decision to run back toward the middle of the field at the end of the game, Richard Smith’s wussified decision not to blitz near the end of the game despite being shown repeatedly that the blitz was working while the “rush three” defense was being eaten alive (on the big completion to Eric Moulds, for example), Jacoby Merkel’s aforementioned boner, Kubiak’s odd insistence about making Vonta Leach an integral part of the running and passing game, and so on and so forth. Is it possible to get through one game–just one–where we aren’t left scratching our heads at the decision-making?

Today’s loss was just another dose of variations on any number of themes. Unfortunately, it is also the end of any realistic chance of a playoff appearance. Now, the more cynical among us might say that the playoffs were never an attainable goal this season. While that is debatable, what is not arguable is that the games are always more meaningful when you can delude yourself into thinking January football is a possibility. Without that, all we have is another year of draft talk in December.

I don’t want to be all doom and gloom. Certainly, we have pieces in place that should lead to a successful 2008 and beyond. This team is sitting in a better position than any version of the Texans that we’ve seen. We know what works on this team and, just as importantly, we know what doesn’t. Still, right now (and until I am sufficiently un-angered), I can’t help but say it over and over in my head. “Same old, same old.”

There’s a full moon rising on the Cuyahoga River

Nov 20, 2007 2007 Season, Ron Dayne likes pie, Secondary issues are primary, Super Mario, Teams that aren't the Texans, The Fred, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?

One of the great things about last Sunday’s win (and, really, any win) is that it allows me to move on quickly to thinking about the next game instead of dwelling on all the ways I’d like to injure Richard Smith (i.e. with a tack hammer, throwing him in front of a train, etc.). So, it’s on to the City by the Lake. Or, if you are the negative type, that place where the fucking river caught on fire multiple times.

Two weeks into this season, I was contemplating hiring someone with large hands to fist Randy Lerner because it looked like that draft pick they traded to Dallas was going to be a top 5 pick and would net Dallas Darren McFadden. Thankfully, they have improved since then, negating my need for paid sexual assault. Somewhat.

Unfortunately, if you are a Texans fan, the Browns’ improvement has been significant. They are currently 6-4 thanks in large part to the play of Derek “Horse Balls” Anderson and a couple nice field goal bounces. Fortunately, if you are a Texans fan, they Browns record is due in no way to their defense, which could not stop a fat a Girl Scout from gaining 75 yards on 20 carries. (This is especially good news for Ron Dayne who is, in many ways, our own fat Girl Scout.)

Over at BRB, Mr. “Oh, yeah, I completely forgot that there were two bloggers,” Scott, offers up a detailed examination of the AFC Playoff picture and where the Texans fit within it. Basically, if we win our next two games–@ Cleveland and @ Tennessee–we will have a real shot at playing into January; if we don’t, we can probably start making reservations for whatever the hell people do in January. Simple.

So, what will it take to win this week? Well, as I noted above, Cleveland’s defense is about as potent as a mustard burp on a windy day in the stockyards. They rank 31st in the league against the pass and 28th against the run. Now, while we might not have much of a run game (inexplicable Ron Dayne performances notwithstanding), we can pass the hell out of the ball, ranking 7th with nearly 255 yards per game. And that was without AJ for most of the year. If Schaub doesn’t crack 300 this week, something went wrong. Thus, we should have little-to-no problem scoring. THUS, whether we win is going to come down–as it always seems to–to whether we can stop the Browns passing attack (10th in the league with almost 240/ypg).

If you’d asked me prior to the Saints game if we were going to beat any team that passed the ball well, I’d have kicked you in the junk for being a facetious asshole. Now, however, I can at least have hope.

For one thing, the secondary played very well last week and, in a bizarre turn of events, decided that they should attempt to intercept the ball. Always a welcome addition, that. They are not going to be mistaken for a Pro Bowl roster, but they seem to play well together and everyone seemingly has a role. The Fred gets to be the physical corner, bis the ball-hawking corner, C.C. gets to knock the shit out of people, and L.L. Smooth Will is the Indian Chief. In theory, that works.

In reality, however, that only works when you have adequate pressure on the QB. After the Saints game, we now have proof that, properly motivated, the defensive line can get some pressure on the opposing ball chucker by themselves. This week will give them a chance to prove that they can do it against an NFL-quality line, as Anderson has only been sacked 8 times this year. And, since we know that Richard Smith blitzes roughly as often as I post without swearing, the front four is going to have their work cut out for them.

Barring anything unforeseen, that is pretty much the long and short of the game: can our pass defense hold up enough to keep Cleveland from matching us score for score? I mean, after watching Mario and Co. superman Reggie Bush, I have little concern that Jamal Lewis is going to break 80 yards on us. On the flip side, I think the Dayne Trayne will rumble for just enough against Cleveland’s run “defense” to keep the Browns honest. All of which means that, as of this moment, our playoff hopes (or, stated more generally, our hopes for a winning season) rest on the shoulders of four guys who were either not starting in week 1 or who were starting at a different position.

Strangely–and perhaps this is a sign of how far this team has come–I am not near as worried as I probably should be.

Someone get Tony Hollings on the line, I guess

Oct 31, 2007 2007 Season, Adimchinobe Echemandu is fun to say, Batman, Injury bug, Nigerian Mafia, Ron Dayne likes pie

Because Baby Jesus has decided that I am not allowed to be happy with anything Texans-related this year, it appears that my latest crush, Adimchinobe Echemandu, might be sidelined with a gimpy hamstring.

He apparently tweaked it in San Diego, most likely as he tried to outrun our ineptitude, and played through the pain.

If Echemandu can’t go, we’re pretty much screwed Ron Dayne will likely get the carries. (I say this on the far-fetched assumption that Ahman Green won’t be healthy). Dayne is not 100% either, however, as in related news, he continues to play through sucky fatness.

Hurt so good

Oct 2, 2007 Andre Johnson, Batman, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Ron Dayne likes pie, The Fred

Oh, speaking of Fred Bennett, there is some apparent good news on the injury front. Kubiak is optimistic that Jacoby Jones and Jerome Mathis (as well as Bennett) will be back at practice today. There is also hope that Ahman Green (aka The Only Running Back Worth A Damn On The Whole Damned Roster) will be back later in the week, which would be good news for everyone except Ron Dayne and Samkon Gado.

There is no real timetable for the return of Andre Johnson, however, which is less-than-good news. HoustonTexans.com has a video wherein AJ says that he has “been lifting on it” and that “the doctor…thinks that [Johnson's] PCL is completely healed.” Johnson also said that he would up the intensity of the rehab today or Wednesday, but stopped short of giving a timeframe or saying for sure whether he would be on the field against the Dolphins.

26-16

Oct 1, 2007 2007 Season, Athletes who don't stab people, Batman, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Gary Kubiak might be high, Ron Dayne likes pie, Teams that aren't the Texans, The Schaub Experiment

First off, let’s be clear: The injuries are not an excuse.

Would it have been nice to have Andre Johnson and Ahman Green and the rest? Of course. But this game was not lost because we didn’t have the primary weapons. It was not lost because ND Kalu couldn’t play. It was not even lost because our special teams were without Jerome Mathis and Jacoby Jones. Nope, this game was lost because of:

  • Petey Faggins,
  • Piss-poor clock management,
  • Below average play-calling,
  • Some questionable decisions by Matt Schaub, and
  • Surprisingly effective play by Joey Harrington.

Let’s take these one at a time.

Petey Faggins. When he was abused by Steve Smith for two TDs in roughly 9 seconds, the excuse was “well, LOTS of people get burned by Smith.” When he allowed nearly every pass thrown his way to be completed by playing 30 yards off the line of scrimmage and allowed Joseph Addai to score two TDs by running right at him, the excuse was “the coaches put him off the line like that and, hey, at least Marvin didn’t score.” What, pray tell, are the excuses going to be this week?

Just for grins, let’s recap. On one play, he managed to hold the wide receiver, impeding said receiver’s progress (in theory), only to still find himself burned on the play. Now, the prudent thing to do at this point would be to try and recover (which he lacks the speed to do), try to play the ball and maybe knock it down (which he lacks the wherewithal to do), and/or try to be in position to deliver a hit as the ball is caught in the hopes of knocking it loose (which he has rarely been able to do). The thing you shouldn’t do–especially when you’ve been beaten for three straight weeks–is get a pass interference penalty while still not even preventing the catch. Because, if you do that, the opposing team will likely realize that you really are as bad as you seemed on tape and will continue to attack you until the even the TV guys are saying “wow, they are running pretty much every play to that side.” This would likely lead to you getting flagged for another hold and another PI before it is all said and done.

I am not surprised by Petey’s struggles; I have been railing against him since the inception of this blog. I am surprised at the extent of his ineptitude, however. I can honestly say that, right now, he’s the worst defensive starter in the NFL. Because of that, and until I am shown otherwise, I am going to continue to refuse to believe the company line that he is still our best option.

Clock management. Let me ask you something. How is it that the hundred-people on the Texans sideline collectively failed to notice that they had been screwed out of 14 seconds? Wouldn’t you assume that someone–say, maybe, the HEAD COACH of the team trying to score ten points in the last 3 minutes–would look to see that, because the play did not count, the 14 elapsed seconds would be put back on the board? Of course, not noticing was in keeping with how Gary Kubiak has managed the clock for much of this season. I believe in The Kubes, I really do, but a simple grasp on how to best conserve (or expend, depending on the score) time is pretty freakin’ important. Between the confusion last week just before halftime and this week’s willy-nilly use of time and timeouts, Kubiak continues to shoot himself in the foot. After the way the time had been handled throughout the game, seeing Jameel Cook (or was it Vonta Leach?) run toward the middle of the field with 8 seconds left and no timeouts just seemed like the icing on the mismanagement cake.

Poor play calling. A naked halfback toss to Ron Dayne at the one-yard line? Seriously? This isn’t Tecmo Bowl, man. That play would be near impossible for Dayne to manage from midfield, when the defense is spread out; there is no chance in hell he’s going to score on that play from the six, with the defense packed in tight. Besides, and here’s the bigger issue, after seeing us pound the ball up the middle with a modicum of success during the game, why the heck didn’t we try to punch it in from the one with either Dayne (who is supposed to be our between-the-tackles power RB), Gado, or even one of the fullbacks? Twice, while trying to mount the comeback, we had the ball at Atlanta’s one-yard line. We came away with three points TOTAL out of those two trips. Unacceptable.

This isn’t the first instance of odd play-calling, either. There was the curious decision last week not to kick the onside kick. There have been several random “run when we probably should have passed” or vice versa moments. I know that injuries have played into that to an extent, but still.

Questionable decisions by The Schaub. Far be it from me to cast stones at the Altar of Schaub, because God knows I wouldn’t want to revert to the old QB, and the positives certainly outweigh the negatives with Matt, but someone might want to sit him down and explain some things to him. First of all, throwing a two-yard pass to a crossing fullback on thirdfourth-and-three is never, ever a good idea unless the defense is made up of blind people and retards. Second, in the hurry-up offense, again you might want to avoid dump passes to people like Jameel Cook. (In fact, speaking of Cook, I think it’s fair to say that something went wrong in your game planning if Cook ends a game with 6 catches, especially for a whopping 28 yards.) Third, that “running to the right, throwing back against the grain into the middle of the field” thing? Yeah, rarely a good idea. And, by “rarely,” I mean “never.” Finally, the next time you think about throwing the ball to Ron Dayne, do me a favor and throw it directly into the ground to end the suspense.

Harrington. I was going to cite “inability for the defense to stop anything” as the reason, but that would take away from how well Harrington actually played. Still, when you saw how easily we were able to get to him and disrupt their offense near the end when we started blitzing, one has to wonder why we didn’t mix that in a little more. Sure, Amobi got his fourth sack and, yes, Mario was getting pressure, but for the most part, Harrington just avoided whichever defensive lineman worked his way free and threw to the open man being guarded by Faggins. I am generally not a huge fan of blitzing, but mixing a couple in just to get some shots in on Joe and force him to make quick throws would have gone a LONG way toward keeping Atlanta points off the board. But, because we didn’t, my hat is off to Joey for playing an efficient and intelligent game.

****

Not everything was bad, however. After a game like that, it can be hard to admit that there were in fact a few bright spots. First, the offensive line continues to play far better than anyone thought they would. Schaub was sacked once, raising the season total to 6 (1.5 per game). The old QB was sacked three times in his first start at Carolina.

Second, DeMeco Ryans. Six more tackles and a sack. He and Morlon Greenwood (11 tackles) quietly had a great game in the middle of the field.

Lastly, Apostrophe Davis. The man came into the game with a recently-dislocated finger, made a leaping one-handed circus catch for a TD, and finished the game with 5 catches for 117 yards. Considering he wasn’t even on the active roster a couple weeks ago, this performance was outstanding.

Through early morning fog I see, visions of the things to be

Sep 25, 2007 2007 Season, Andre Johnson, Batman, Injury bug, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Ron Dayne likes pie

Tim took a break from shmoozing his readers to offer us a quick recap of who is in and who is out this weekend as the JUGGERNAUT travels down to the Dirty South.

Unfortunately, it looks like some of those injuries are going to be for longer than just the upcoming beatdown of the Falcons. Andre Johnson is expected to miss “at least two more weeks” according to HoustonProFootball.com. Jacoby Jones is out at least that long as well according to pretty much every source. Obviously, McKinney is done for the year with the blown ACL, as is Killings with a fractured neck. Good lord.

Of these, obviously Andre Johnson is the most important. That is hardly news. Now, I am not a physical therapist (though I have said I was as a pickup line before), but I have sprained a knee, and getting that flexibility back after the brace comes off can be a bitch–the tendons feel all tight and weird and you keep thinking it is going to explode if you bend it. Long story short, if he is ready to go in two weeks, AJ is a bad motorscooter.

In happier news, Ron Dayne managed to dislodge the immigrant family he accidentally swallowed, so he should be good to go this week. Also, according to Ahman Green, Batman is fine and just needs the swelling to go down, though Kubiak wasn’t quite so sure. Breaking the tie, for now at least, KFFL says that Megan Manfull says that she heard from Tommy who sits next to Becky in Biology that Green will play. Of course, we all know Becky is a lying slut, so take that with a grain of salt.

The best news from the M*A*S*H unit is that Andre Davis is going to play, despite dislocating his finger last week. After that leaping sideline grab last week, I became a fan of Apostrophe. Hell, I would Friendster the guy if I had any clue what the hell that meant. Stupid kids with their stupid hip slang. In my day, “bad” meant “good,” and that’s how it was supposed to be!

As I type feverishly in an effort to convince myself…

Sep 18, 2007 2006 Season, 2007 Season, Colts Shmolts, Gary Kubiak, Jacoby Jones is slighty less unheralded, Ron Dayne likes pie, Zoolander's snazzy handwear

I left a shorter version of that last post as a comment for Stephanie over at FanHouse. In response, she brought up a good point: when we beat the Colts last Christmas Eve (i.e. the last time they lost to anyone), we did with David Carr and Ron Dayne.

Not only that, we did it with the final iteration of Zoolander the Texan. You know, the one whose progression was “safety valve, run out of bounds, fetal position.” The one whose month of December included things like 3-step drops1, 4 INT game, and a overall rating for the month of 59.9. In that game against the Colts, however, Johnny Whitegloves went 16-26–7 of those to the RBs–for 127 yards (a whopping 4.5 average) and 1 TD. Clearly, this would not be good enough to beat the Colts. Yet, win we did because Ron Dayne chipped in with 153 rushing yards and two TDs, which, along with Kris Brown’s two FGs, allowed us to eke it out.

Now, nine months later, our team appears to be markedly better in nearly every aspect than the one that took the field last December. Most importantly, in place of Carr and Dayne, we’re rolling out there with Schaub and Batman. And, if we can manage to get the Colts to punt–they didn’t punt once in last year’s game–we have Jacoby freakin’ Jones ready to bust off a little somethin’ somethin’.

My point?

Andre Johnson had 4 catches for 48 yards in that game, meaning he wasn’t exactly the reason we won. Hell, he had a holding penalty that negated a TD and forced us to settle for a FG late in the game. We won because Gary Kubiak’s gameplan called for minimizing our weaknesses (i.e. Carr) and exploiting the Colts’ weaknesses (i.e. run defense). There is no reason to think we can’t use the same philosophy this time around. If we do, we can be in this thing until the end.

If, in addition, we cause a couple turnovers and avoid any of our own, we can actually win this game. And I can say with little or no hyperbole that a win Sunday would be the biggest win in the history of the franchise, bar none.

1 Despite this shortened drop and the instruction from the staff to stop trying to read defenses, Sandy was still sacked 12 times in December… behind the EXACT same line that has only allowed 2 sacks of Matt Schaub. Can we please, PLEASE stop pretending that David’s own timidity and lack of poise didn’t lead to most of his sacks?

I heart JJ

Aug 12, 2007 Amobi Okoye is 20, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Preseason 2007, Ron Dayne likes pie, Super Mario, The Schaub Experiment, WR

News and observations from the video tape:

  • Despite how they listed the starting lineup (i.e. Mario Williams, Amobi Okoye, Anthony Maddox, ND Kalu), Maddox was actually lined up beside Mario on all the plays where I was able to ID the linemen. As described repeatedly here, this makes sense.
  • Matt Schaub’s numbers were not good, but he made a couple impressive moves. The pass to Kevin Walter (dropped) with a blitz coming from his blindside was a thing of beauty and something that could not have happened last year. He got a little antsy on the possible TD pass to Walter, but I think he makes that pass 9 times out of 10.
  • Jason Babin is seriously fast. He just slipped past a shoulder block and chased down the RB from the backside.
  • Ron Dayne is still fat. I mean, he looks like he’s dropped a little weight, but he is f-a-t.
  • I really hope Kubiak noticed how teams were over committing on the goal line runs. I agree with the TV guys that there is no reason to risk putting your QB out on a naked bootleg in the preseason, but even Jared Lorenzen could have run that one in.
  • So, the first team D-line didn’t get as much penetration as I’d hoped. Kalu got in a little bit, and Mario had about three plays where he was this close. But that’s about it. I know the Bears O-line is very good (Rex Grossman was only sacked 21 times last year), but I still wanted to see a little more middle penetration.
  • OK, I’m just going to come out and say it–we don’t need Bethel Johnson. Mathis and Jones have the return game on lockdown. Wow.
  • I don’t think the announcers noticed that Manchild was not lined up alongside Mario. I say that because they were just talking about “people think maybe you put one of them on the other side… no.” What?
  • Charlie Adams is a little faster and a little more physical than I remembered. But these drops (Adams, Walter) are killing us.
  • Even if that was more hustle and output than we’ve seen in the rest of his career combined, Travis Johnson probably should have saved that little Riverdance for a TD that counted. Still, I laughed. Oh, and it was Babin again causing that pressure.
  • Speaking of, we are getting good pass rush with our 2s against their 2s.
  • Jacoby Jones was the best athlete on the field throughout the second quarter. I like this.
  • Why the hell didn’t the officials stop the clock for a measurement on that Sam Gado catch with :17 left? It was within a yard… surely that requires the sticks. The only thing I can think is that Rosenfels called the TO too quickly.
  • Kris Brown, 4/4. Consistently consistent.

That’s the end of the first half. I’m taking a break and I’ll update with second half notes this afternoon.

Some people have no sense of humor

Aug 6, 2007 Houston Chronicle, Inanity, Ron Dayne likes pie

Megan Manfull had a live chat today at the Chronic. Nothing groundbreaking in there, I guess–McCardell has a strained quad, Turk is likely to win the punting job, the coaches are giving Mario extra attention at every practice.

She didn’t answer any of the questions I submitted, however.

To the best of your knowledge, is Ron Dayne enrolled in any donut- or pie-of-the-month clubs?

True or false: Richard Justice hates bloggers more than he hates the Texans?

More likely to happen: Texans make the playoffs this year or Jerome Solomon develops a semblance of talent?

(Note: I thought the third one was kind of intriguing.)

Zac Woodfin, we hardly knew ye

Jul 24, 2007 Batman, Preview, RB free-for-all, Ron Dayne likes pie, Training camp 2007, Undrafted Free Agent watch list

Remember way back on July 10th, when the Texans–to much fanfare, I might add–signed LB Zac Woodfin? Nevermind, kid. Woodfin was released Monday along with FB Cory Anderson, G Atlas Herrion, C Enoka Lucas, CB Derrick Roberson, RB Darius Walker, and P Eric Wilbur. (Herrion was also with the team less than two weeks.)

Of these, I suppose the only true surprise is Walker, if only because we kinda sorta actively pursued him. Walker was close to signing with the Bears before, depending on who you ask, he either couldn’t come to terms with the Super Bowl losers or we swooped in and signed him first.

Then again, I don’t know that you can even call his release a surprise. As of right now, you have Batman and Cartman occupying spots one and two. That leaves Lundy, Taylor, and Gado fighting for two spots (assuming we keep 4 RB like last year). Surely Walker–and, more importantly, his agent Drew Rosenhaus–are smart enough to realize he is not likely to supplant TWO guys who have shown flashes of talent in the NFL (a description that applies to all three). It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he asked to be released.

Lucas, Anderson, Roberson, and Wilbur were all part of the herd of undrafted free agents we brought in back in May.

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As to news of additions, it seems we brought in P Matt Turk. Which I am sure has the guys at BRB thinking of happy, Stanley-free days.

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Amobi Watch: Still no news.

UPDATE: Someone who would have occasion to know such things echoes the sentiment that Walker probably asked to be released, but adds “Walker’s not good, but you’re right [in thinking] he asked to be released. That said, I would be shocked if he made a roster, let alone play a down in the NFL.”

The same person also said that both Manchild and JJ will sign before camp, but “it could be as late as Thursday.”

David Carr is mercifully absent from this post

Jul 1, 2007 Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Offensive (punch)Line, Preview, Ron Dayne likes pie

The offensive side of the ball is a little more settled than the defensive side, so we’ll lump the special teams question marks into this post as well.

Position: WR2
Incumbent: Eric Moulds (no longer with team)
Players involved: Kevin Walter, Jacoby Jones, Andre Davis, Keenan McCardell (?)
Analysis: The story over the past six weeks has been that Kevin Walter is our second receiver. Of course, the team then turned around and worked out Keenan McCardell, so I’m not sure how sold they are on K-Dub.1 I know that I’m not sold on him. Rookie Jacoby Jones has impressed in college all-star games and possesses serious, game-breaking speed. One can argue that such speed would be better utilized in the slot, and maybe that’s true, but given the choice between Jones and Walter, I still lean to Jones. Veteran malcontent Apostrophe Davis is the dark horse here. I mean, he was brought in for a reason and I’m pretty sure that reason wasn’t “to play the fourth receiver role.” So, I look for him to either win the #2 slot or be cut–I can’t imagine keeping him otherwise. Jerome Mathis does not figure into this discussion.
Prediction: Unless McCardell signs with the team, Davis wins the job early on and gets supplanted by Walter or Jones later in the season.

Position: LT
Incumbent: Ephraim Salaam
Players involved: Charles Spencer, Salaam, Jordan Black, Eric Winston
Analysis: Let’s be real clear about something: This is Charles Spencer’s position as soon as he is healthy enough to play it. Now, while Carmine Pirone told me via email that Spencer was working hard and was going to give it a go at the beginning of camp, other writers at the Chronic have suggested that Spencer is going to start the season on the PUP list. If he can’t go, it’s primarily between Salaam and Jordan Black and Kubiak has been pretty clear that he prefers Salaam. The darkhorse is Eric Winston, who played LT at The U and has gotten some reps over there this summer. Physically, he’s probably the best of the rest (not counting Spencer), but that would be asking him to play a new NFL position this year and would thrust rookie Brandon Frye into a starting role as well (or require Salaam and Black to switch sides… I don’t like either alternative). If Spencer never comes back, maybe Winston is the long-term answer, but not this year.
Prediction: Salaam, until Spencer comes back. Winston in 2008 if Spencer is still PUP.

Position: RB2
Incumbent: Technically, Samkon Gado
Players Involved: Gado, Ron Dayne, Wali Lundy, Darius Walker
Analysis: I’ve avoided most of the backup battles, but the RB2 will get plenty of touches in this offense, so it’s worth discussing. As of this instant, Ron Dayne is penciled in. Problem is, Ron Dayne is pretty much awful. I don’t care that he led the team in yards last year; 612 yards doesn’t even give me a semi. Gado showed flashes in Green Bay, but Harvey Williams once showed flashes in KC–it doesn’t always translate to continued success. Lundy was supposedly going to be the man after Domanick Williams (nee Davis) went down, but that never really happened. Walker was an undrafted free agent2, but who knows if he will even make the team? It’s not like we are going to carry five RBs. In the end, this battle becomes the equivalent of being the prettiest girl in Clovis, NM–not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Prediction: Dayne in Week 1, but more or less a carousel all season.

Position: KR/PR
Incumbent: Jerome Mathis
Players Involved: Mathis, Jacoby Jones, Dexter Wynn, Wali Lundy, David Anderson
Analysis: Mr. Glass has likely seen his last reps as a Texan. Kubiak seems incredibly fed up with Mathis’ inability to keep from hurting himself and also seems enamored with Jones’ breakaway speed in the return game. Currently, the NFL.com depth chart lists Dexter Wynn as both the KR and PR, but I don’t