DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

OK…time to bust out the old Righteous Indignation Machine.

First, it was the interviewer in this chat with Tim suggesting that ‘Dre was frustrating to fantasy owners (at least in part) because he was so injury-prone. (Side note: Tim continues to impress me in these, mainly because he always seems so much more knowledgeable than the host and winds up carrying the interview.)  Then it was shithead supreme Mike Florio who wrote:

The Texans need a healthy Johnson (heh-heh, heh) in 2008.  Regardless of whether the latest injury is serious, it’s hard not to wonder whether Johnson has become more than a little fragile as his career enters what should be its prime.

That’s dumb, but it’s not even the dumbest thing on the page, as that honor goes to the mouth-breathing dumbfuck who left the first comment to Florio’s post:

Surprise, surprise! Andre Johnson has an injury! Has this guy made it through an entire an NFL season in his entire career?

Righteous Indignation Machine…engage.

Plain and simple, if you think Andre Johnson is “fragile” or “injury prone” or “always hurt,” you are a goddamned retard.  Prior to last season, ‘Dre had ONE YEAR WHERE HE MISSED EVEN A SINGLE GAME.  That was 2005, when a calf injury forced him out of a game early and caused him to miss the next three.  Other than that, Johnson had played every single game…and played really fucking well.

Yes, he was hurt last year.  (And, yes, I am still kind of bitter at Kubiak about it, as there was absolutely no reason for Johnson to even be in the game at that point.)  And, yes, there’s a chance that this groin tweak is somehow related to the rehabilitation of the knee injury.  But one serious injury in five years of football does not make someone fragile.

Compare:

Andre Johnson

Steve Smith

Plaxico Burress

Larry Fitzgerald

Terrell Owens

Need I continue? For a little clarification, for the list above, other than Steve Smith (who I included because people constantly talk about how tough he is), I tried to stick with receivers who were similar in size and or playing style to Andre Johnson.  I’m pretty sure I could plug most any #1 WR into this post, though, and have similar results.

So what the fuck gives?  The guy is every bit as durable as the WRs who get lauded for their toughness and/or for being “gamers.”  He’s had one small injury and one big injury in five years, despite being one of the most targeted WRs in the game and despite being one of the more active WRs when it comes to downfield blocking.  He’s been hung out to dry by his QBs (especially the since-departed pillow biter) more often than just about anyone, yet he takes hits, rarely runs out of bounds, is not afraid to go over the middle, and almost never gets hurt.

One injury does not make someone injury prone.  People like Florio who say otherwise deserve to be faceraped.

Righteous Indignation Machine…disengage.

(Inspired by this.)

Ted Thompson: Honey, there I am!  This is the part where I kick the extra point to tie the game!

Mrs. Thompson: Yes, dear, I know.  Instead of taking me to the beach or fancy restaurants for vacation, you watch old tapes of yourself playing football every year.  Doesn’t this look nice on me?  Dear?

TT: Sure, honey, you look great in black.  Stabler sure was on fire that game.  *phone buzzes*  What the fuck!  I thought I told people I am on vacation.  *looks at phone*  Oh, it’s a text message.  Honey, do you know how this works?

Mrs T.: *takes phone* Are you ever going to learn how to operate this thing?  *wife looks at text*

Hi mr naughty man u can join me im wet and naked now. i will lick and suck ur hard buddy while u sip my juice ohh honey im coming

Mrs T.: What is this!?!  Are you cheating on me!?!

TT: *takes phone* Oh fuck, it’s Brett Favre.

Mrs. T.: WHAT!?  You lying fuck, you’re cheating on me!

TT: Calm down.  It really is Favre.  That fucker is unretiring again.  What a fucking media whore.

text: wtf you asshole.  im on vacation, and now my wif thinks im cheating.  go fucking retire.

TT: There, that should do it.  CRAP!  I missed my kick!  Now I have to rewind the tape.  That fucker is trying to kill me.  Could you get me another beer?

Mrs. T.: You know, Teddy, that text message gave me some great id—*phone buzzes*—FUCK!

Favre text: “sry, my first booty text.  cmon, take me back.  you love me!”

TT: That motherfucker really wants to unretire.  We had to put up with John Madden’s incessant cock-slobbering the last couple of years, and this guy can’t even play anymore.

text: ur retired.  fuck off

TT: Dammit, I re-wound too far.  Where’s that beer?

Mrs. T.: You know, speaking of cock-slo..*phone buzzes*….damn you, and damn him.  I’ll be in the bedroom.  Don’t come in for at least 20 minutes.

TT: Of course not!  I still have overtime to watch!

Favre text: the panthers want me!  cmon, take me back.

TT: I hate this fucking guy.

TT text: u suk.  no they don’t.

Favre text: the texans want me!

TT text: ???

Favre text: cmon!  you know you love me!  ima gunsliger!

TT text: FOAD, you fucking drama queen.  and quit texting me.  *gets up and throws phone into the backyard pool*

TT: Now, finally, some peace and quiet.

Running behind today as I attempt to make it possible for me to not show up to work tomorrow at all.

Houston plays Houston?  Huh? Aside from an odd typo (he means “Jacksonville”), this is a pretty good write-up from Scouts, Inc., breaking down the importance of a fast start to the Texans’ season.  Long story short, winning early = better than losing.  Or something like that.

Aw, poop. Osi Umenyiora found Pete Prisco’s article ranking Mario Williams as the 6th best performer from last season to be a tad bit “ridiculous.” Because, you know, being the second-best DE on a team with a disgustingly good line and getting nearly half your sacks against a single, grossly overmatched LT is WAY BETTER than being completely dominant while teamed up with a rookie, two turds, and a DC that is functionally retarded.  (For the record, Mario was a little high on the list, but the real “ridiculous” part was leaving DeMeco off altogether. Die, Prisco.)  Also, federal law prohibits me from mentioning Umenyiora without linking to this.(NSFW)

No Sunchips for you! According to Adam Schefter of NFLN, the Texans are not interested in Cedric Benson.  “That guy?  Fuck him,” said Kubiak.  (This may or may not be an accurate quote.)

HoustonProFootball is back. Well, sorta.  If you are like me, in addition to running blog that will eventually bring shame to the next three generations of your family, you used to rely upon HoustonProFootball.com’s estimated salary cap figures.  When they closed-up shop, as it were, I assumed that we were just hosed when it came to having all those numbers in one place again.  But fear not!  Keith is back with …In The Bullseye.com, and it features the cap numbers as well quality posts about our favorite football team.

“…Mr Smith, Blair Thomas Lite is on line 2…”.  There’s a rumor floating around the internets — OK, it’s floating over from TT.com, with little in the way of attribution, so take it with however much salt you fancy — that Cedric Benson might sign with the Texans. I really, REALLY hope this is all a hoax.  First, I have a slightly-irrational hatred of Benson that I will not apologize for.  Second, though, and more importantly, Benson sucks.  Like, really sucks.  I know the idea of “well, he played with some turds in Chicago,” but that’s the same type of thing Carolina fans were telling themselves when they signed Zoolander Q. Hairdo and we saw how that panned out.  Third, Benson is not a character guy in the least and has a reputation as a lockerroom tumor.  So…yeah…just say “No,” Rick.

Leaders are not born, nor are they made; they are appointed by the internet. Typical offseason fluff article from New Era Scouting about some “no name” guys who are important to their respective teams.  Chris Myers makes an appearance.  Now, I certainly have no beef with the idea that he was acquired for great value OR that he is a very good center, despite measuring poorly.  I do hesitate, however, at the idea that his leadership of the O-line cannot be overstated.  Could we let him, you know, PLAY a game before we crown him King Shit of Fuck Mountain?

So…you’re saying there’s a chance?! If you are not a season-ticket holder and you have any dreams of going to the Monday Night game (or the December Titans game), you have to enter a lottery at HT.com.  Note, they are only drawing for the “chance to buy tickets if any are available,” so I wouldn’t hold your breath.

[Author's note: I've written this in fits and starts, had a bunch of different things I wanted to cover, and never really worked it through beginning to end. If it rambles, I apologize; if there are factual mistakes, they are mine.]

As we discussed in part one of my obsessive-compulsive pre-draft coverage, what a team should do in the draft cannot be determined in a vacuum. Therefore, to do this correctly, we need to compile as much information as possible and create a coherent Big Picture from which to work. So consider this Part Two of the project.

Now, whereas the last post focused on answering questions about the team, this one is going to take a look at what we know (or, more accurately, what we think we know) about the team and its tendencies. Hopefully, by combining what we know with our answers to the original questions, we can create an epistemological framework for analyzing the 2008 Draft. In this post, we will address what we know about the relative depth at the various positions on the roster.

1. Where we are thin. There are really two kinds of depth in the NFL. There is the “we have a body in case this guy goes down” and there’s “we have enough talent at a position to do all sorts of permutations and substitutions and keep everyone fresh while remaining effective on every snap.” For an example of the latter, look at the NY Giants defensive ends.

Thing is, only the “talent” depth is worth anything at all. In fact, you can go further and say having the “body” kind of depth as an actual goal is just plain stupid. I mean, you have a 53-man roster, so by definition you should always have enough bodies to replace an injured starter. So effin’ what? The point is to have depth with talent. While the Giants’ situation with their DEs is rare, it is the type of all teams should aspire to. Ideally, every guy on your roster is there because he was the best available player at his position in terms of what your team will ask of him. I say, “ideally,” however because teams and coaches seem to insist on carrying guys that serve no purpose (Petey Faggins) when there is almost certainly a better alternative out there. And they do it because “he gives us depth,” as if such a statement means anything.

How useless is “body” depth? As we saw with our secondary this year, even if every guy you planned on relying upon has been hurt and you have reached the end of your roster and have no guys left at a position, you are still going to be able to find someone to fill a hole. It might not always be pretty, but it’ll fill the hole and, really, the free agent on the street is unlikely to be appreciably worse than that 50th guy on your opening day roster. (And, on the flipside, you might just find a Will Demps who should not have been released by his former team and still has Pro Bowl-level talent.)

Anyway…all of this is just pie-in-the-sky rambling. Moving on.

Back to the point–where are we thin? The most obvious answer is in the Secondary, where neither of the top two CBs from 2007 is likely to start the season opener in 2008 and it remains to be seen if and to what degree Dunta Robinson will contribute in 2008. Moreover, Glenn Earl is an unrestricted free agent, is coming off a season-ending foot injury, and was never suited to be a free safety in the first place. Even worse, some of the backups–Jason Simmons (injured), Dexter Wynn, Von Hutchins (craptastic), and Roc Alexander (injured) are unrestricted free agents as well. Oh, and C.C. Brown is a restricted free agent. So, yeah, even if you account for unknowns like Derrick Roberson and Curome Cox, as of this very moment, it is not a stretch at all to say this unit is thinner than Tara Reid on a three-month coke bender.

Second–and perhaps most arguably–we are thin at RB. Ron Dayne (and this is the ONLY time you’ll see him listed among things that are thin) and Darius Walker are currently 1-2 on the depth chart I suppose, as Ahman Green is still a huge question mark. He’s injured, he’s old, he’s expensive, and he’s unproductive…but he’s also who we were relying upon as recently as 6 months ago. [Edit: Plus, you have the constant question of "is this the year Chris Taylor stays healthy and produces?"] With that kind of unsettled situation and only two healthy RBs–neither of whom is exactly something to write home about–you can only describe the position as “lacking.”

The final answer to my way of thinking is NT. Because we don’t have one. The Texans roster on the team homepage lists Travis Johnson as our only NT (most likely as a hold-over designation from the 3-4 days that no one bothered to change), but there are all kinds of things wrong with giving him that label. First, the mere fact that he outweighs our other DTs (other than Cedric Killings) does not make him a two-gap player. Second, he’s not even the best current team member for that position–in my opinion that would be Anthony Maddox (whom the interactive depth chart curiously has listed as Amobi’s backup), though I have unsubstantiated high hopes for DelJuan Robinson. Third, and perhaps most importantly it is my fondest wish that Travis would show up to Reliant one day, only to find that the locks had been changed. Then, as he looks around for a janitor or someone to let him in, he is gunned down by Central American Libyan rebels in a VW Microbus.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, lack of bodies. So, secondary and nose tackle are definitely thin as of now, and running back is arguably lacking as well. That could change if Demps is re-signed and remains exceedingly solid, or Dunta comes back quickly, or Ahman decides to stay healthy, or Travis gets sent to one of those shock boot-camp things where they send the crappy kids on Montel. But, for now, thin.

But that’s all obvious, because that’s a case of actually lacking players. If we turn our attention back to “talent” versus mere “body” depth, a case can be made that a number of other positions run the gamut of thinness from skinny to skeletal.

For one, and with apologies to Ephraim Salaam, we still don’t have a single NFL-quality left tackle on the roster unless Fluffy Spencer suddenly comes around. (The signing last offseason of Jordan Black was a perfect example of “body” depth as a goal, as no one in his right mind should have believed that a guy nicknamed “Turnstile” by fans of his previous team was going to offer much in the way of talent. The signing of the since-departed Kevin Barry was arguably the same thing–an attempt to accumulate large, non-dead humans.)

Currently, in addition to Salaam, Black, and Spencer, we have Brandon Frye who spent much of 2007 on the practice squad and of whom I wrote back in May:

The other Round 5 Brandon is, apparently, a mutant. 6′4″, 302, with a 690 lb squat and a 445 lb bench press to go along with a 4.79 40. He may be raw (actually, that’s not true… he IS raw), but he seems to have the tools to become a good offensive lineman. He finished the season at VT playing some left tackle, but I am guessing he will move to the interior of the line, perhaps displacing Fred Weary in a year or so.

Now, nearly a year later, I stand by the first part of that–that he is, indeed, a physical mutant and seems to possess solid tools from which to build. The only change I would make is to the second half of it, as his combination of speed and strength makes him a nice choice for the left tackle in an Alex Gibbs system.

But even if Frye is the LT of the future, that gives us…um…one healthy, in-shape, potentially-NFL-quality LT. THIN!!!

Moving inside to the guards, our depth chart currently shows Kasey Studdard as the backup at both left and right guard. Fred Weary is old (and injured and a free agent), Chester Pitts was less-than-stellar for much of the year, Scott Jackson is injured, and Mike Briesel and Dan Stevenson are relative unknowns. Until we have some sort of idea how Jackson will heal and what Briesel and Stevenson are capable of, the guard position offers nothing more than the “body” depth at best (and actual thinness at worst). And this problem could be exacerbated if some of the guys who seem healthy and ready to contribute prove unable to adjust to the Gibbs system.

On the other side of the ball, defensive end gives us another example of “body” depth without meaning. Currently, we have one great one (Mario Williams), one who has shown an occasional glimpse of real talent (Earl Cochran), one who is ancient and a free agent (ND Kalu), one who is grotesquely overpaid and did next to nothing this year (Anthony Weaver), and someone named Eric Powell who was just signed to a future/reserve contract. Unless Cochran turns out to be something good, we are sitting right now with one defensive end who is starter-quality and another–Weaver–who could possibly be again.

The other spot where we are sorely lacking on defense is at strongside linebacker. Danny Clark is good, but is a free agent and had momentary lapses that the coaching staff did not like. Charlie Anderson likewise had some solid moments but, overall, was uninspiring. Unless Zac Diles can move to the strongside (more on him in a bit), this position needs addressing in the offseason.

(Pauses to re-read all of the above.)

Guh…that was more than I planned to write for the first point. I think it all makes sense, though, so I am leaving it. Moving on…

2. Where we are deep. Based on the point I belabored above, you can guess that by “deep” I mean “richer than average with talent.” Under that rubric, really, it is possible to be “deep” at a position where you have but two players and not be deep at another where you have five. Which sounds confusing and counter-intuitive, but really isn’t. But, instead of further kicking that dead horse, let’s all just agree to read the following with that definition in mind, ok?

The most obvious position of depth on this team is quarterback. When you can have a serious discussion about whether or not you would trade your backup QB for a third-rounder, I think it is safe to say that you are stocked at the position. No, neither of them is going to remind you of Peyton Manning (because both of them are straight, for one thing), but they still give us solid talent behind our starting talent. For the record, I would still trade Sage in a heartbeat for anything in the fourth round or higher. But that is a different post that we and others have covered ad nauseum.

Secondly, we are stocked at middle and weakside linebacker. DeMeco is a golden god, but Diles has impressed both coaches and fans alike. (He’s also been versatile enough that Kubiak has made mention of moving Diles to one of the outside spots, which would change this equation somewhat.) What’s more, Danny Clark (assuming he’s re-signed) gives you a third option at middle linebacker.

On the weakside, as this blog and others have said, Morlon Greenwood is one of the most underrated defensive players in the league. He was consistently good to very good (with moments of great) this season. Behind him, you have Shawn Barber (assuming he comes back from injury and the team keeps him), the possibility of Zac Diles getting some time here if we find a strongside guy, and Danny Clark has experience at this position as well. This position is not so deep that it couldn’t be improved, mind you, but every person but one in line to play it brings at least some starting experience to the equation.

Moving back to the offensive side of the ball, a case can be made that we are potentially deep at Center. In addition to current starter Steve McKinney and seemingly serviceable Chris White (both injured), we recently signed two guys in Chukky Okobi and Greg Eslinger who seem to be very, very good fits for the new Gibbs regime. Thus, without even pausing to consider Mike Flanagan (who should not be on the roster as a center come September) or Drew Hodgdon (who might still be able to play guard), we have four Centers from which to find our best zone blockers and any of the four could conceivably be the guy.

Finally, I don’t think it is much of a stretch to say that we find ourselves deep at Wide Receiver. Andre Johnson, Andre Davis (because we better re-sign him), Kevin Walter, Jacoby Jones, David Anderson…that’s a solid five-man rotation. Now, as we saw, losing the guy at the front end of that list changes the dynamic greatly–Andre Davis is good, but it’s not like having a Reggie Wayne to stand in for Marvin Harrison–but going into the year with those five counts as quality depth in my book.

Now, astute readers will notice that the positions of TE and RT don’t appear on either list. The reasons why are as follows: At TE, whether we are deep or thin is going to depend on whether we resign Breuner, whether Gibbs likes Owen Daniels enough to make him the Shannon Sharpe of this offense, and whether we decide to keep Jeb Putzier (and how we choose to implement him). At RT, we have a very good starter and a specified backup, which is not really deep or thin at this point.

***

What can we glean from all this? Well, when you combine these holes with the draft history of the Kubiak-Gibbs era in Denver, I think we can assume that we will almost certainly NOT be drafting an o-lineman (even an LT) with our first pick, barring Jake Long falling to 18, but will fill up much of our second-day picks with the big fellas. There is a fair-to-good chance that we will go with defense, with the pick likely being the best-available defensive player who doesn’t play MLB or WLB. Personally, and I think I have said this before, I would rather get a CB through free agency instead of relying on another rookie alongside Fred. Also, if I had my druthers, I would prefer a nose tackle, but then this post isn’t about what I want.

There is also at least some evidence to suggest that Kubiak and Co will be willing to trade back if the offer presents itself, even trading all the way out of the first if the right package was available. Finally, I would not completely write off the idea of a running back at 18 if a Felix Jones or Jonathan Stewart was sitting there and Gibbs was convinced that was his guy.

There is something about the first day of really shitty weather each winter that makes me bust out the old guitar and waste the afternoon. As I was playing today, however, I thought to myself, “I really don’t do this often enough…I should make a New Year’s resolution to play more often!”

Anyway, lameness of my inner conversations aside, I was struck by the fact that no one ever seems to make resolutions that reflect the hedonistic, self-destructive, and questionably-legal things they actually want to do. All we ever hear are “I want to lose weight” and “I want to learn a foreign language” and “I want to catch up on my child support.” Where are the “I will have much more meaningless sex” and “I will drink my body weight in bourbon weekly” that would actually please us if we carried through with them? Think about it–if someone gave you the choice between learning Spanish or having sex with 40 members of the gender of your choosing, which would you pick? Si usted dijo el “Spanish,” usted es un mentiroso. [Author's note: my Spanish sucks.]

To that end, I present the first annual DGDB&D New Year’s Blogolutions. In 2008, I will:

• use the words “fuck” and its derivatives (fucknut, fuckstick, fucktard, etc.) more often.
• make at least one post questioning the heterosexuality of random players and coaches each month.
• continue to mock David Carr and laugh at his failures, even as he becomes less and less relevant to Texans fans.
• continue to make bets of liquor with people I have never met. (Hopefully, I will win one at some point.)
• make a trip to Austin next season to watch a game and get as drunk as possible with people I met on the internet.
• embrace the dorkiness inherent in blogging. And then molest it.
• push fake conversations to the point that someone sends me a cease and desist letter.
• run better between the tackles than Reggie Bush.
• maintain my dominance in Google searches for “Filipino tranny porn” and try to improve my ranking for “houston bukkake parties” and “texans blog.”
• create wildly speculative pre-draft rumors, and proclaim my brilliance for any that might come true.
• convince myself by February that the Texans will make the playoffs in 2008.

Feel free to leave yours in the comments.

Reader Dan points to this article by Redskins Insider Jason La Canfora (picked up by Rotoworld) regarding Keenan McCardell. According to La Canfora

[I h]eard the veteran WR has agreed to terms with Houston, as expected. The Skins had some serious interest in him, but only at the right price - the [veteran minimum]. He lives in Houston and if he was going to sign anywhere for that kind of money it was going to be there.

Now, I have not yet been able to verify this report, but I am inclined to believe it. After all, dollars being equal, why wouldn’t he sign with us?

Assuming the veracity of said article, what does this mean for the Texans?

McCardell joins the logjam at WR2, but I have to think he is going to be given the first best chance to win the job. Just looking at the raw numbers over the last five years, however, I think one has to temper his expectations of what McCardell can do. Best case scenario, we are probably looking at 65 catches, 850 yards, and 7 TDs. Worst case scenario, he resembles Eric Moulds, circa 2006. Unfortunately, at least for planning purposes, each of those scenarios is as likely as the other.

We can argue all day long whether McCardell is the right guy to “teach” Jones and Walter how to be starting NFL receivers. I suppose it depends on what level of instruction you are looking for–if you mean “show them some tips and tricks for playing at this level,” then he can do that in spades; if you mean “take them under his wing and groom them to replace him,” I don’t see Keenan going that far. What he will bring, though, is a higher level of competition for the WR2 position. I get the feeling, just from McCardell’s quotes around the time of his workout that he sincerely plans on making the team and starting all sixteen games. (Sure, maybe it’s just to pad his career numbers, but it’s better than just signing for a paycheck.) This means that Jones & Walter & Apostrophe & Anderson & Bethel & Adams & Mr. Glass are all going to have to work that much harder to make the team.

Speaking of making the team, the Texans broke camp last year with 5 WRs. If they take that same number this year, who are the odd men out? Johnson is in. Jones is in. Walter is likely in. Which means you have 5 or 6 guys competing for 2 spots. My guess is that Apostrophe and McCardell round out the squad.

Ever intrepid, I’ll keep looking for some sort of confirmation of this rumor. You can click here for DGDB&D’s discussion of KMc.

UPDATE: I emailed Carmine Pirone and Nicholas Scurfield of houstontexans.com and asked about the rumor. Pirone’s response was a simple “Not true.” So–for now, at least–there you go. Somewhere, Apostrophe Davis just relaxed a little.