Lazy
May 16, 2008 Bloggerating, Self-Referential Stuff, She is pretty hot, You'd like to think I was joking
I realize how quiet it’s been around here of late. That should all change with OTAs kicking off next week. As for me, I have a BBQ competition this weekend, so I don’t foresee much in the way of posting until Sunday afternoon at the earliest. But we should be back to full-strength as of Monday morning. Until then, I suggest all of you look at porn.
A Fictitious Letter from Melody Carr
Nov 7, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Fake Conversations with Real People, Open Letters, She is pretty hot, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Dear DGDB&D,
I was doing my monthly Google search for stories for my scrapbook about my husband, David Carr, and I came across your blog. I have to say that it is the most vile, disgusting, worthless piece of trash I have ever seen. You call yourself a blogger, but all you really are is a total fucking jerk.
What did David ever do to you? He might not have been the greatest quarterback the city of Houston had ever seen, but he has HEART, dammit. Besides, there is a lot of pressure when you are the number 1 overall pick, and he never hid from the pressure. I mean, ok, he was usually the last to arrive and the first to leave, and we never had any teammates over the house for BBQs, and he relayed many messages through his dad, but other than that, he never avoided the pressure and the spotlight.
Yet, instead of pointing that out, you call him Zoolander and make fun of his gorgeous hair? Oh, that’s brilliant. Newsflash, dickweed: not everyone who looks like a male model is dumb and vain. Some of them are just hard working guys who love their parents and family more and who happen to like the feel of supple cowhide on their hands while they are playing sports. Is that so wrong???
David is a wonderful person and a great husband, and a big reason for that is that he’s sensitive and emotional. When I showed him your worthless blog, he could have gotten angry and tried to find your address and came and kicked your sorry ass (as I suggested), but he didn’t. Instead, he went and locked himself in my powder room and started weeping. Sure, it took me almost an hour to get him to stop crying, and sure he might have threatened to shave his head, and, yes, there was a long discussion as to whether the Panther uniform makes him look fat, but all of that’s ok by me; most guys are afraid to show that kind of sensitivity. YOU certainly haven’t shown any to anyone, except that you are a grade-A asshole.
While all that other stuff is important, the main reason I am writing you is because of these fake conversations between David and Coach Fox? Boy, you have some nerve. There is no way Coach Fox would be touching himself inappropriately in his office. And he would NEVER attack Vinnie just to get David hurt. Coach Fox loves David–he says all the time that he is so happy David because now he doesn’t have to worry about his nieces getting pregnant. What’s next? Are you going to suggest that David hates Matt Moore because Matt went to Oregon State and David is scared of beavers? Well, let me just tell you right now, Mr. Blogger, David is most definitely not scared of beavers. He loves beavers. He pounds my beaver HARDCORE! (No, he doesn’t do it often, and he normally happens to be really drunk, and it’s usually right after he’s watched Brokeback Mountain or a Clay Aiken video, but still.) You just sit in your mom’s basement wishing you could be an NFL QB and get all the beaver David could get. If he wanted it.
In short, eat my ass, you fucking turdgoblin.
Yours in Christ,
Melody
P.S. All that stuff you said about David’s dad? Totally true. Even I can’t stand that cocksucker.
