DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

I pray to the deity of your choice that I am wrong, but I really don’t think Dunta Robinson will play this season.

Shit.

Running behind today as I attempt to make it possible for me to not show up to work tomorrow at all.

Houston plays Houston?  Huh? Aside from an odd typo (he means “Jacksonville”), this is a pretty good write-up from Scouts, Inc., breaking down the importance of a fast start to the Texans’ season.  Long story short, winning early = better than losing.  Or something like that.

Aw, poop. Osi Umenyiora found Pete Prisco’s article ranking Mario Williams as the 6th best performer from last season to be a tad bit “ridiculous.” Because, you know, being the second-best DE on a team with a disgustingly good line and getting nearly half your sacks against a single, grossly overmatched LT is WAY BETTER than being completely dominant while teamed up with a rookie, two turds, and a DC that is functionally retarded.  (For the record, Mario was a little high on the list, but the real “ridiculous” part was leaving DeMeco off altogether. Die, Prisco.)  Also, federal law prohibits me from mentioning Umenyiora without linking to this.(NSFW)

No Sunchips for you! According to Adam Schefter of NFLN, the Texans are not interested in Cedric Benson.  “That guy?  Fuck him,” said Kubiak.  (This may or may not be an accurate quote.)

Well, I have to admit, I TOTALLY didn’t see that coming. The tornado, I mean. One minute, I am nearly asleep in bed (naked, of course) and, the next, I am hiding in the bathroom with the family as a tornado roars overhead. Once it passed, I went outside and surveyed the damage–lots of trees down, a ruptured gas main that was spewing natural gas, and lots of general carnage. We walked to a friend’s house a couple blocks away and got a ride to the mother-in-law’s house (I honestly would rather have slept in the yard, breathing natural gas).

ANYWAY…we went back this morning to really take stock of what happened. Long story short, God smote the neighbors while sparing me and mine. The only conclusion I can draw is that he happens to read this blog and didn’t want me to die, though, honestly, I think we can all agree that BFD brings way more to the party these days than I do. I took some pictures of the destruction, too, so we can all be entertained. Oh, and to answer your question, the new smoker and the big TV are totally fine.

Here is the neighbor’s kitchen. According to him, the whole house shifted on the foundation, too. He is a Cowboys fan, though, so he probably deserved this.

Here is the adjacent neighbor’s work trailer. “Suck it,” says God.

This rental car did not come standard with a roof tree. That was an aftermarket add-on. I think it brings out the paint job nicely.

Arkansas Bonsai Tree.

This is our one little spot of damage. Had it fallen differently, it would have smashed into my bedroom and mangled shit. Instead, it’s a flesh wound, giving the house some street cred. Yes, Jesus loves meeee…

These used to be upright. And that piece of the sidewalk was flat. I think I liked both better that way. Then again, I have never had much of an eye for decorating.

My car is doing its impression of Trent Green’s brain.

2200 lbs. of tornado-proof steel. God bless Texas(-made products).

You see disaster; I see a clear chunk of southern sky that will let me get DirecTV before football season starts. Life gives you lemons, you throw those suckers at someone and laugh.

Perhaps the funniest part of this whole thing was, as the tornado was passing overhead, the baby slept right through it. In the end, nothing I like got damaged, I have a cool story, and my football watching is improved. I think I kinda like tornadoes.

Well fuck me in the ear.

It seems that the puppeteers who manipulate the Corpse of Al Davis have placed the exclusive franchise tag on stud CB and cause of rampant wishing and speculation, Nnamdi Asomugha.

Asomugha, who emerged as a franchise star the past two seasons, will earn $9.465 million for the 2008 season, the average salary of the top-five cornerbacks in the NFL. He could earn more if the average is higher at the end of the restricted free agency period.

I know it was–at best–a pipe-dream that he would sign with the Texans. I know this and yet I am still pissed about it. And here I said I wasn’t going to drink tonight. Thanks, Al.

I was going to write up something about the debacle/miracle/heartbreak that was Sunday, but–thankfully–Tim beat me to it. I don’t have anything of any importance to add, so I just link to his here (offense) and here (defense). I really am glad he took the time and effort, because I am not sure that I could have gone in depth on that game without throwing up all over my computer.

Update: I will mention that Travis Johnson’s performance on Sunday was amazingly bizarre. I mentioned somewhere that I am too lazy to link to right now that he won me over somewhat in camp, as he really seemed to be working. Then, after the Trent Green episode, I actually found myself rooting for the guy. Still, none of that prepared me for seeing Travis effin’ Johnson running sideline to sideline, making hits, playing well, and talking smack after big plays.

OK, maybe I was sorta prepared for the smack talking, but not the other stuff.

Recap coming. Plus a rant about people who suck. Eventually.

Fuck.