DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Pop Quiz

Aug 27, 2008 Had to post something, Stats, Suck it bitchez, Teams that aren't the Texans

Compare and Contrast the following two teams’ first six seasons. Remember to show your work.  Bonus points will be given for using the data contained in this table to refute and/or mock certain fans and national sportswriters.

Dear meth-laden BE-SF fans*: A love note from bfd

Aug 19, 2008 Broken Record, Bud Adams is evil, Logo by Chris, Suck it bitchez, What the fuck?

Earl Campbell?  Really?

When Earl chose Houston to call his home, he knew no one man could do it alone.

That, if you don’t know, is a lyric from “Big Bad Earl” by Tom Cantrell.  But if you are an average BE-SF fan or a complete dumbass like August West, aka cumsucker, you wouldn’t know that, would you?  And why would you not know that?

Because Earl Campbell never played a game in that back-assed state.  That’s why.  How is this concept even remotely confusing?

Sure, we can blame the makers of the poll for this error the same way we can blame your 6th grade English teacher because you still think it’s spelled “kat,” but that misses the point, doesn’t it?  You morons simply don’t understand that the Oilers aren’t your team.  It never was, and it never will be.

And contrary to Tom’s argument, there is plenty of justification to be pissed.  Bud Adams did his best to alienate the city of Houston at every opportunity.  That fucker’s only interest is self-interest, and he hated that Bum Phillips and Earl Campbell and the waiter at Los Tios were far more popular than he was.  For that prick, the goal was never to win, but to make as many shiny dimes as possible.  As far as I’m concerned, Bud Adams is a perfect fit for you people: you can have him, but you cannot have the Oilers.

After all, how many of you actually cheered for the team?  How many of you invested every NFL Sunday rooting for them?  And how many of you actually *WATCHED EARL CAMPBELL PLAY?*  None?  Or is it less?

I will end with, fuck you to all who voted for somebody other than Steve McNair or Eddie George.  To those who did vote for those guys?  Thank you for actually paying attention.

Again, I say to anybody who rooted for the Oilers while they were in Houston and followed that “loyalty” to TN: you are a fucking idiot of epic, titanic proportions.

Yours in Durga,

bfd

* Excludes Tman and NTT, both of whom I actually like and enjoy reading what they have to say, even if I disagree.

Why we won’t draft a LT in the first?

Feb 18, 2008 2008 Draft, 2008 Season, Alex Gibbs, LT, Self-Referential Stuff, Suck it bitchez

First, h/t to Eric for the reminder.

Oh, I am a stats geek. Back in the 70s - which few of you outside of stacy even know - I was a sabrematrician. That’s right, bitchez, I am a baseball geek, and I think there’s a HUGE progression to be made with football. So, let’s hit it.

At footballoutsiders.com, they have broken down offensive line play. And what do their vicious computers say? They say that, *gulp*, or offensive line don’t suck so much. In fact, we were the best team about getting positive yards from the run, and we were the 10th best team at avoiding the sack. There’s a lot to like from these stats. AND, when you consider that we did all this with Ron Dayne (and a cloud of meringue) as our leading rusher, then we look all the better.

Now, am I saying that we have the best offensive line evar!!!!~!~!~111~!? Well, no. Obviously, we could stand to use a little work. Tenth, after all, ain’t first. And if you ain’t first, you’re last (or something). I do, however, think it’s another data point in that we won’t be looking LT with our first pick (#18). Putting Alex Gibbs in control, alone, should put us up the scale a notch or two. If, and I pray to Barbaro’s Alp0-ed ass every day, our own Barbaro, Charles Spencer can come back, then we might bump up a couple more notches on the o-line rankings.

At this point, with a history of passing on offensive lineman early in the draft, and a focus on the system rather than the specific player, I again hypothesize that we do not go o-line with our pick. I just don’t see it, and yet, it doesn’t concern me. We will go defense, even if we trade down.

Allow me to end this post by saying that I am doing nothing more than self-gratification here - I have been married for 13 years, so I am used to it - and I could be wrong. And I oh-so-want to be proved right. But, you know, my ego ain’t that important, and I am mostly talking from the logical side of my brain. Anyway, it’s either this, or I can talk about all the super important people I talk to. Why, the other day, my mail-lady told me about…

Open Thread - BFD Fails the Texans Nation

Feb 5, 2008 Self-Referential Stuff, Shameless begging, Suck it bitchez, You'd like to think I was joking

Yes, that’s right, I’ve got nothing better.

Look, I have excuses, but they all suck. Life is just super-busy these days, and Matt thinks that watching him “star” in blow-your-own-trumpet films qualifies as pay. Now, as incredibly flexible as he is, I can’t send that to the mortgage company. Those hardasses!

Tim is doing a fantastic on taking a look at positional needs, and I can’t beat that. As far as off-season material, I can’t think of many things better.

So, I look to you, my fan club. What would you like to see?

I hope to post more Football 101 type material (though, seriously, the zone blocking thing was more like 185 type stuff). I think there should be a deep, probing expose on cheerleading twins that I would be happy to undertake. Is there anything else? Seriously, I am stuck for ideas right now as we lead up to the draft (when I won’t shit TF up).

Post ideas here. And post anything else you might be pondering. Umm, regarding football. Only *I* am allowed to talk about my sex life here. And Matt’s.

What fresh hell is this?

Jan 18, 2008 Awesomeness, Bad Idea Jeans, Bloggerating, Suck it bitchez

When Matt asked if I would be interested in joining the clusterfuckery known as atexansblog.com, my first thought was, “Wow, he gets stoned at work. Sweet!” Well, it turns out I was wrong. He was drinking Guinness. But, I thought, if the thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters that live in the mind of Little Dickie Justice, age 11, can post on a blog about the Texans, then why can’t I? I figure, the bar has been set exceedingly low by the traditional media coverage of the Texans, and there’s really nowhere to go but up. Whatever I can do to add to the awesomeness of new media coverage, such as that provided by BattleRedBlog and Stephanie and this not-so-humble blog, among others, then all the better. In other words, my single-minded goal is to do no harm.

Because I love me as much as you love me, a couple of things. I’ve been an Oilers fan for literally as long as I remember and hate the cowpokes with an equal amount of enthusiasm. My grandparents were super-loaded, so my dad and I had season tickets every year. I saw some of the worst football in history in the mid-70s, and saw some of the best just a couple of years later. Even after all these years, I still have a large number of 45s from Oilers games (those are records for the kids out there), and I can tell you exactly where I was when we lost to the Bills. I died more than a little when Beelzebud moved the Oilers. When the Texans were resurrected, I went apeshit buying a bunch of Oilers tchotchkes off eBay. Wow, this is already too long, so heading into the lightning round….

I went to UT and am a proud ‘Horn. I make fun of the traditional media all the time because journalism is one of my 42 minors, and there’s no way they are held to any sort of standards. Blog readers do much more than the best editors, I can tell you. I also did a sports radio show for three years. I don’t get all giggly around athletes.

I really don’t know wtf I will add to this here blog, but I strongly believe that the community is just as, if not more, important than the authors. And with that, I end this post of self-wankery.

e-turd

Nov 24, 2007 Dancing With the 'Tards, Fuck the Cowboys, Houston Chronicle, Richard Justice is a talentless hack., Righteous Indignation, Suck it bitchez

By now, I am sure that you’ve heard about this.

It appears that the powers-that-be over at Chron.com have decided to launch a Cowboys blog. Seriously? Because, maybe I am just hearing what I want to hear, but it has certainly sounded to me that one of the chief complaints about the Chronicle–along with Richard Justice being a talentless shitstain–has been that the paper seems to devote too much ink/coverage/love/masturbatory fantasies to things other than the Texans.

Knowing that, the decision to launch a fanblog about the team that nearly every Texans fan loathes is questionable at best. It’s a big “fuck you” to the Texans fans at worst. Some of the commenters on that Chron story have made good comparisons–that it’s like having a “Bronx chapter of the Red Sox fan club”–but that misses the point slightly, as the Yankees would likely be well represented and well covered alongside the Red Sox talk. Here, this is nothing more than offering to be the pivot man for any Cowboys fans that come along, while simultaneously taking a gigantic dump on the Texans and their fans.

And, really, is that even surprising at this point? The writers over there have made it more than clear that they are willing to let their personal feelings about players color what the write, that they have no qualms about making stuff up about players or about the team in general, and that many of them would like nothing more than to be Vince Young’s fluffer in their next lives. So why, then, would we be even slightly shocked that they would take the next logical step and put fan coverage of the Cowboys on par with that of the Texans? The only unexpected part of this story is that they didn’t just have Thomas Hilton killed and replace the Texans fan blog completely.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but this is the final straw with me. As of now, unless one of the stories over there mentions me or this blog by name, I will not comment on or link to anything written by paid employees of the Houston Chronicle. I’m reasonably sure I will get by without them.

An Open Letter (from bigfatdrunk) to John McClain

Nov 21, 2007 Dancing With the 'Tards, Houston Chronicle, McTard, Megan Manfull is retarded, Open Letters, Richard Justice is a talentless hack., Suck it bitchez

Ed. note: It’s no secret that I have an active dislike for the Houston Chronicle and, even more specifically, for the trite drivel spewed by most of their sportswriters. Lest ye think I am alone in my disdain, I present the following letter from BFD to John McClain, as first posted at BRB.

Dear Mr. McClain,

As I intimated recently, the Jurassic media, such as the Houston Comicle, jumped the shark many years ago. As if to prove my point with a flourish, you publish this absolute turd of an article.

Forgetting such basic math concepts such as prior performance is no guarantee of future performance or that as variables (aka players, coaches, your BAC) change, the outcome will change, I will again pound on a theme that has become blatantly obvious to any reader with an education level north of Richard Justice, or about the 4th grade.

You, Mr. McClain, hate the Texans. Whether it’s the unrequited love syndrome that so affects Justice due to his man-crush on Vince Young, or whether you seem to enjoy inflicting Solomon-esque pain, I am not quite sure. Perhaps, it’s a little of both? Or am I missing something?

Now, I’m sure your defense will be, “But I mentioned they are .500! Don’t you read? Or do you just read what you want to read?” To answer your questions, yes I read. And, yes, I read what I want to read. You, dear sir, do not fall into the “want to read” category. As for yet another back-handed compliment, we’ll just place that one in the Mario file.

If you are the General, you are the modern-day equivalent of Ambrose Burnside. And with a leader like you, who needs the bleach?

The overall lack of objectivity toward the Texans is incredibly reprehensible, but even when given the opportunity to play a bit of a hometown fan-boy, you showed your true colors. How could, and why should, anyone consider the Houston Chronicle sports section a reliable source of information when you and your cohorts have exhibited such unmitigated and non-negotiable hatred of the Houston Texans?

Your BFF,
XOXOXOXOX,
bigfatdrunk

PS: I’m sure you’ll take full credit for being incredibly right, all the time, once the bandwagon starts chugging.