Don’t forget to pack those gloves, Zoolander
Feb 11, 2008 2007 Season, Awesomeness, David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Free Agency, Sandy Vag, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
I suppose I should take the high road, but that is clearly not my style. So file this under “Things That Continue To Make Me Laugh.”
CHARLOTTE – It’s time to begin trimming the fat from NFL rosters.
The Carolina Panthers, like other teams around the league, are free to begin releasing unwanted players Monday morning as the NFL waiver wire picks up. The cuts will come for various reasons – age, overall ineffectiveness, injury concerns and high salary cap figures.
After finishing 7-9 in 2007 and failing to make the playoffs for a second straight season, the Panthers are likely to see plenty of turnover. As owner Jerry Richardson said last month, the Panthers can’t afford to have a “ho-hum” off-season.
That means the team will be looking to make changes. And to make room for the new, the Panthers in many cases will have to part with the old.
And while the cuts won’t all come Monday – and, in fact, some may takes weeks or months to make as the team makes certain it has a replacement in place – you can bet the Panthers roster will look very different when they report to training camp in July.
That said, here are a number of players who should be a little concerned with their job security over the off-season:
QB David Carr
Reasons to cut him: Carr looked frightened in the pocket and his teammates quickly lost all confidence in him. By the end of the season coach John Fox was even afraid to play Carr, demoting him to third string. With a cap figure of more than $4 million, keeping Carr would be, well… ludicrous.
Reasons to keep him: Can’t think of any.
My take: To me, this is easiest cut in franchise history. I would anticipate the team will waste little time parting with Carr.
Over/under on how long it takes before he starts blaming the players around him and suggesting that, had there been more talent, he would have succeeded?
Maybe he could catch it from Romo?
Dec 9, 2007 2007 Draft, 2007 Season, 2008 Draft, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Sucks to be John Fox, Super Bowl 2008
I completely forgot about my picks this week because, for some odd reason, I was actually busy at work. (I usually use the picks to eat up Thursday morning.) Thankfully–I think–three people either emailed or otherwise contacted me to remind me about them. Gracias.
Last week: 8-7
Season: 111-76
Week 14 Picks
Miami @ Buffalo. Take heart, Dolphins fans, it could be worse. I’m not sure how, exactly, but it could be. Like Jason Taylor could contract AIDS and then, on his way to the clinic, be run down by a bus full of white supremacists, who then proceed to violate his corpse. That would be worse, right? Pick: Buffalo
Dallas @ Detroit. God’s old favorite team against his new favorite. No one seems to be asking the important question, though–why would God switch allegiances like that? I don’t know, but I assume it has something to do with Tony Romo being gay. Pick: Dallas
Carolina @ Jacksonville. We are about one piss-poor performance away from John Fox walking into the weight room with 45 pounds of C-4 strapped to himself. Pick: Jacksonville
Oakland @ Green Bay. So, at this point, I have to wonder: what kind of injury would it take to keep Brett Favre from starting? Because I get the feeling that he saw Kevin Everett was going to miss the rest of the year and thought “pussy.” Basically, I think anything short of “double-amputee in a coma” and he is at worst questionable. Pick: Green Bay
St. Louis @ Cincinnati. The best thing to come out of this season of picks is that I no longer try to spell Cincinnati as “Cincinatti.” I’m an idiot. Pick: Cincinnati
San Diego @ Tennessee. There’s a decent chance that these two teams will meet again in San Diego in the first round of the playoffs. That’s not important, though. What is important is that LaDainian Tomlinson makes Albert Haynesworth his punk bitch. And if Shawn Merriman or Shaun Phillips can injure Vince Young, that’s an added bonus. Pick: San Diego
Tampa Bay @ JUGGERNAUT. Part of me feels like I should pick against Houston just to try and break the string of bad luck. Another part feels like any sane person (which I decidedly am not) would be hoping for losses right now, just to improve draft positioning. A third part feels like I need to poop. I’m going to listen to the third one and ignore the other two. Pick: Houston
New York Giants @ Philadelphia. All week, people have been talking about the last meeting, in which New York registered roughly 173 sacks. Boooooring. What I want to talk about is that the people of Philadelphia are apparently racist. There is no other way I can think of to explain the love affair with AJ Feely. Pick: New York Giants
Arizona @ Seahawks. God, I hate these NFC West matchups. It’s like watching the Special Olympics. Which reminds me…you know what’s better than winning a gold in the Special Olympics? Not being retarded. (I’m going to hell.) Pick: Seattle
Minnesota @ San Francisco. I don’t know about you, but I welcome our new Purple overlords. Pick: Minnesota
Cleveland @ New York Jets. Hey, Derek Anderson. It’s all well and good that you’ve become a great QB. Really, the people in Cleveland are thrilled. Imagine how much happier everyone would be this season if they hadn’t mortgaged the 2008 first round pick in order to get Brady Quinn. Thanks for doing this a year too late. Dick. Pick: Cleveland
Kansas City @ Denver. Ah, an old fashioned battle for mediocrity. This is what football is all about. If you are a Chiefs fan, I mean. Pick: Denver
Pittsburgh @ New England. So, just so I am clear, if New England goes undefeated, they will have played Dallas, Indy, and Pittsburgh in the regular season and likely faced at least one of those AFC teams again in the playoffs? If they go 19-0, I am fully willing to call them the best team ever. Pick: New England
Indianapolis @ Baltimore. I didn’t think it was possible, but Bart Scott made Ray Lewis look completely sane. Be afraid, Baltimorons. Be very afraid. (Note: I have no idea what people from Baltimore are actually called.) Pick: Indianapolis
New Orleans @ Atlanta. “Hey, Steve. Can you come in here for a second? You know when we let you schedule the Monday Night games before the season started? Well, remember how a whole bunch of us told you that the New Orleans/Atlanta game was going to blow ass? You’re fired, you mouth-breathing fuck.” Pick: New Orleans
“A man without hand is not a man. I’ve got so much hand I’m coming out of my gloves.”
Dec 5, 2007 2007 Season, Fake Conversations with Real People, Fisted by Jessica Alba, I guess this storyline has run its course...or has it?, Non-Texan stuff, Sandy Vag, Sucks to be John Fox, Teams that aren't the Texans, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Saturday, November 24, 2007. Panthers locker room, top shelf of locker #8.
David Carr’s Left Glove: Psst. PSST! Righty, you awake?
David Carr’s Right Glove: Guh! I am now, asshole. I was dreaming about getting fisted by Jessica Alba, you jerk.
Lefty: My bad, dude.
Righty: S’alright. What’s up?
Lefty: Well, I was thinking. This whole “actually being on the field” thing sucks. There’s a grass stain on my palm that will probably never come out. Captain Buttplug can’t keep himself upright long enough to do anything and we are taking a beating because of it.
Righty: Dude, TELL me about it. If John Candyass goes all fetal position and lands on me again, I’m going to fucking lose it.
Jar of Pomade: (lisping) Would you two shut the hell up? Some of us are trying to sleep.
Lefty: Don’t make me slap the shit out of you, hair snot. I’m not even fucking kidding. I’ll shove you to the goddamned floor and break your jar again. You didn’t like that last time, did ya?
Pomade: (lisping) Asshole.
Righty: Homo.
Lefty: ANYWAY, here’s what I was thinking. If you can make the Rump Ranger look like total shit tomorrow, that might just do it. I mean, Coach Fox is pissed as it is–surely one more bad game would do it. And it’s not like you’ll have to work that hard–he’s totally capable of looking like shit on his own. You just need to kick it up a notch or two.
Righty: Dude, that’s brilliant! If we do this right, we’ll get to hang out on the sideline and hold a clipboard for the rest of the year.
Lefty: Man, I love holding a clipboard. It fe–
Jockstrap: Guys, not to butt in, but I am not totally sure about this. We could get in a lot of trouble.
Righty: Listen here, cockrag–no one asked you. If I want an opinion on the relative merits of shaved testicles as compared to unshorn, I’ll find you. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and contemplate just how ironically useless you are.
Lefty: So, it’s settled?
Righty: Hell yeah. It’s on.
Sunday, November 25, 2007, 2:15PM CST.
Lefty: Dude, what are you doing?! He’s completing passes to Steve! That is so not cool! It’s second and eight from midfield–fucking throw an interception!!
Righty: OK, OK…chill out. I got this. (pulls thumb off the ball too early)
Radio Announcer: “Carr takes the snap, steps up in the pocket. He looks left. He fires deep to Carter down the left side aaaaaaannnnnnd INTERCEPTED!! Carr threw that ball right where Craft could get his hands on it. That ball never had a chance. New Orleans takes over at their own twenty-one.”
Lefty: AWESOME! Nice fucking throw, man!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!! BOOOOOOOOO!!!! WE WANT MOORE! WE WANT MOORE! GET THIS TURD BURGLAR OUT!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Righty: Dude! Look! Coach Fox is over there, talking to Matt Moore. It looks like he’s telling the kid to warm up! We did it!
Lefty: Fuckin-A, man. Fuckin-A.
A Fictitious Letter from Melody Carr
Nov 7, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Fake Conversations with Real People, Open Letters, She is pretty hot, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Dear DGDB&D,
I was doing my monthly Google search for stories for my scrapbook about my husband, David Carr, and I came across your blog. I have to say that it is the most vile, disgusting, worthless piece of trash I have ever seen. You call yourself a blogger, but all you really are is a total fucking jerk.
What did David ever do to you? He might not have been the greatest quarterback the city of Houston had ever seen, but he has HEART, dammit. Besides, there is a lot of pressure when you are the number 1 overall pick, and he never hid from the pressure. I mean, ok, he was usually the last to arrive and the first to leave, and we never had any teammates over the house for BBQs, and he relayed many messages through his dad, but other than that, he never avoided the pressure and the spotlight.
Yet, instead of pointing that out, you call him Zoolander and make fun of his gorgeous hair? Oh, that’s brilliant. Newsflash, dickweed: not everyone who looks like a male model is dumb and vain. Some of them are just hard working guys who love their parents and family more and who happen to like the feel of supple cowhide on their hands while they are playing sports. Is that so wrong???
David is a wonderful person and a great husband, and a big reason for that is that he’s sensitive and emotional. When I showed him your worthless blog, he could have gotten angry and tried to find your address and came and kicked your sorry ass (as I suggested), but he didn’t. Instead, he went and locked himself in my powder room and started weeping. Sure, it took me almost an hour to get him to stop crying, and sure he might have threatened to shave his head, and, yes, there was a long discussion as to whether the Panther uniform makes him look fat, but all of that’s ok by me; most guys are afraid to show that kind of sensitivity. YOU certainly haven’t shown any to anyone, except that you are a grade-A asshole.
While all that other stuff is important, the main reason I am writing you is because of these fake conversations between David and Coach Fox? Boy, you have some nerve. There is no way Coach Fox would be touching himself inappropriately in his office. And he would NEVER attack Vinnie just to get David hurt. Coach Fox loves David–he says all the time that he is so happy David because now he doesn’t have to worry about his nieces getting pregnant. What’s next? Are you going to suggest that David hates Matt Moore because Matt went to Oregon State and David is scared of beavers? Well, let me just tell you right now, Mr. Blogger, David is most definitely not scared of beavers. He loves beavers. He pounds my beaver HARDCORE! (No, he doesn’t do it often, and he normally happens to be really drunk, and it’s usually right after he’s watched Brokeback Mountain or a Clay Aiken video, but still.) You just sit in your mom’s basement wishing you could be an NFL QB and get all the beaver David could get. If he wanted it.
In short, eat my ass, you fucking turdgoblin.
Yours in Christ,
Melody
P.S. All that stuff you said about David’s dad? Totally true. Even I can’t stand that cocksucker.
Albert Haynesworth smash puny human. AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
Nov 5, 2007 David Carr has Post-Concussion Syndrome, Fake Conversations with Real People, I guess this storyline has run its course...or has it?, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Sunday, November 4, 3:15PM EST
Vinnie Testaverde: (to Matt Moore, on the bench) Yeah, so no shit, I’m sitting there in his office, in the dark, and he grabs my fucking foot and just starts twisting. It was the weirde–
John Fox: OH MY GOD!!! HELL YES!!!!
Testaverde: What the?
Fox: (running at Testaverde) Did you see that?!?! Did you fucking see that?!?! Holy sweet Jesus in Heaven, he’s down. He’s down and he’s not getting up and I’m happier than a whore with negative AIDS test!!!
Testaverde: Sir, I don’t think you shou–
Fox: I told you, Vincent!!! I fucking told you my plan would work!!! Didn’t I say Albert Haynesworth was going to fuck Captain Gayness up three ways from Sunday?!?! Didn’t I???
Testaverde: Yes, but–
Fox: And now look!!!
(Assistant coach approaches, whispers in Fox’s ear) What? Oh. Yeah. What’s that kid’s name? Whatever…just tell him to get in the game.
(grabs Testaverde and gestures toward the field) Look out there, Vincent! Look at his glossy eyes. Look at the drool. Fucking marvel at the lack of equilibrium. That is beautiful, Vincent. Bee-ooo-teee-ful! I’ve actually got a chubby right now, no foolin’.
Testaverde: Sir, I just don’t want to be a part of this. It seems–
Fox: What!? What does it seem, Vincent?! Because, from where I am standing, it seems like God himself reached down and thumped that mittened fuckwit in the skull with his Almighty golden forefinger. It’s a goddamned miracle!!! Look at him, Vincent. He can’t even stand. To hell with my wife and kids; this is the single greatest day of my life!
(Fox runs over to where David Carr is being tended to on the sideline)
Carr: I can’t with the throw glove mitten man kisses. Sack time hurt oww! Aiiieeeieee! Big big Albert big crushy smash. Purple.
Fox: Oh, this is fantastic! He’s nuttier than squirrel turds! I want do some goddamned cartwheels!!!
(flipping Carr off) How many fingers am I holding up? HA! You don’t know, do you?! I’m holding up ONE, because FUCK YOU, NANCY!!!
Remember I said I’d kill you last? I lied.
Nov 2, 2007 Fake Conversations with Real People, Inanity, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Teams that aren't the Texans, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Vinnie Testaverde: Coach? There was a note in my locker that said you wanted to see me. Coach? Are you in here?
John Fox: Come in and sit down, Vincent.
Testaverde: Why are all the lights off, sir? And why are your curtains drawn?
Fox: Please. Sit. It will all be explained to you in time.
Testaverde: Okaaayyyy.
Fox: You see, Vincent, the time for action is now. No longer must we labor under the restrictive glove of mediocrity. No longer must I lie awake at night, wondering what I’ve done wrong. No longer, Vincent.
Testaverde: I honestly have no fucking idea what you are talking about.
Fox: ROLL TAPE! *video of Titans-Texans game begins playing on wall* You see this, Vincent? You see how Albert Haynesworth absolutely destroys Matt Schaub right here. Do you notice the utter lack of compassion Albert displays as he crushes Matt like an empty beer can? Can you see, Vincent? Can you see the wonderfulness? Can you see the sweet tears of pain on Schaub’s cheeks?
Testaverde: Ok, for real, what the fuck are you talking about? I am too old for this shit. And where are you? I can’t see a goddamned thing in here.
Fox: I’m right here beside you, Vincent.
Testaverde: FUCK! Jesus Christ, don’t DO that! You scared the shit out of…hey, what are you doing with my foot?
Fox: Just relax, Vincent.
Testaverde: That’s the ankle I twea– FUUUUCK! OWWW! CHRIST!!! WHY ARE YOU BENDING IT LIKE THAT?!?! OWWWWW!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!
Fox: (maniacally) Don’t you see, Vincent?! This is what must happen!! You cannot play this weekend. David must start! Oh yes, he must start so that he can be stopped!!! His fractured back and penchant for holding the ball??? That’s music to Haynesworth’s ears. It’ll be glorious, Vincent. Absolutely glorious!!! Imagine–David lying in a barely-mobile heap, gloves torn and bloodied, with his spine in the shape of a question mark!!
Testaverde: Oh god. You’ve lost your fucking mind! *Fox bends ankle 90 degrees the wrong way* SHIT! OWWWW!
Fox: Have I, Vincent? Have I, really? Or am I the only one who sees the big picture here? Not a word of this to anyone, Vincent. Do you understand me? Not a word. This must happen and it must happen this weekend. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Bye Week QB Issues
Oct 24, 2007 2007 Season, Fake Conversations with Real People, Inanity, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
John Fox: Ahh…the long weekend of the bye week. The team is taking three days off, there are no secretaries around…nothing like having a little Me Time. Just a coach, his private office, no pants, and two-and-a-half Gigs of Cytherea porn. Time to rub one out.
*phone rings*
Fox: Fuck!
*answers phone* Who is it?
Voice: Coach, this is Pat Yasinskas from the Charlotte Observer. I was just wondering about the quarterba–
Fox: No comment.
Yasinskas: Well, it’s just that the fans want to know who will be sta–
Fox: I said no comment.
*hangs up phone*
Jesus. Now, where was I? Ah, yes…Squirtwoman 2. Very nice. Oooh. Ahhhh. Yeah. Mmmhmm. Ooooooh.
*phone rings*
Fox: *answers phone* Speak.
Second Voice: Oh, sorry. Is this a bad time?
Fox: Who is this?
SV: I’m from the Associated Press. What’s the quarterback situation there in Carolina?
Fox: One’s gay and one’s old.
*hangs up phone* Come to papa, Cytherea. Heh… “come.” Ah. Grr. Hnnngh. Ffffft. Ah Ah AHHHH–
*phone rings*
Fox: SWEET FUCKING CHRIST ON THE CROSS! WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO TO FUCKING WHACK OFF AROUND HERE??!
*answers phone*
WHAT?!
Third Voice: Hey, Coach. It’s Dave. I just thought I should tell you that my back is feeling pretty good and I th–
Fox: Feeling good, huh?
Carr: Yeah.
Fox: Nice and limber?
Carr: Yep.
Fox: Then you won’t have any problem when you GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!
*slams phone down* OK, now I can handle my bus–well, if this isn’t fucking fantastic. My dick’s gone softer than Dan Morgan’s brain. Now…Just calm down, John. Get a hold of yourself. That glovewearing Nancy may have fucked up the team, but he won’t fuck this up. Just breathe and watch the pretty little porn slut get freak nasty with that double-ender. Squirtwoman is your favorite; you love her. Remember that.
*watches porn*
*looks angrily at penis*
*watches porn*
*looks angrily at penis*
*turns off monitor*
*weeps*
Thunderdome
Oct 17, 2007 2007 Season, Fake Conversations with Real People, Sucks to be John Fox, Teams that aren't the Texans, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
David Carr: You wanted to see me, Coach?
John Fox: Yeah. Have a seat, Nancy.
Carr: I really wish you wouldn–
Fox: So, Sissyphus, I was hoping you could help me with a little puzzle. How is it that a 43-year-old man can sign with this team on Wednesday and, by Sunday, look as comfortable running the offense as you would be playing Monster Rain?
Carr: With all due respect, sir, I thin–
Fox: Because I think the answer is “he’s smart enough to throw the ball to Steve.” Which is another way of saying “He’s not retarded.” Which is my way of suggesting that maybe you are retarded.
Carr: Now, wait. I jus–
Fox: But being retarded isn’t enough, is it? No, you had to go and get a fucking minor injury that should be healed by the time we play again, so I now have a quarterback controversy between Father Time and Retard McFaggygloves. Great. Do you know how fucking annoying this is?
Carr: I can–
Fox: It’s more annoying than late night phone calls to your wife that you are sure are being made by Chris Weinke. It’s that fucking irritating. I would honestly rather have someone pluck out my left eyeball and fuck my brain than have to deal with ridiculous shit.
Carr: I’m sor–
Fox: Unless you are offering to walk into oncoming traffic, fucking save it, douchenozzle. I have to figure out how to deal with this shit. The goddamned press is going to have a field day with this.
*phone rings*
Fox: This is Coach Fox.
Voice: Yeah, I was just callin’ to see if y’all needed a quarterback?
Fox: Goddamnit, Kubiak, this shit isn’t funny anymore!
*slams phone down*
Fox: See what you’ve done, you fancy-haired shithead?
Carr: If you’ll jus–
Fox: Shut up. Shut the goddamned fuck up before I punch you in the neck. Let me tell you what’s going to happen. You and Vinnie are going to fight it out to see who starts.
Carr: You mean based on how well we practice?
Fox: No, uber-puss, I mean “fight it out.” What part of that confuses you? Two men enter, one man leaves, motherfucker. Punch, stab, whatever. No rules. Et cetera. Get it?
Carr: I am pretty sure that is against the collective bargaining agreement, sir.
Fox: And I am pretty sure I don’t give a goddamn. I don’t want to deal with the shit that you caused, so you two are going to figure it out amongst yourselves. You might want to stand up.
*throws closet door open*
Vinnie Testaverde: It’s go time, gayness! Knuckle up! I’m Vinnie fucking Testaverde!!!
What if Testaverde breaks a hip?
Oct 12, 2007 Fake Conversations with Real People, Injury bug, Sucks to be John Fox, Teams that aren't the Texans, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Monday, October 8, 2007. 3:40PM
Jake Delhomme: Coach Fox, you got a minute?
John Fox: Yeah, Jake. What’s up? How’s the elbow?
Delhomme: Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I think I’ma have to have that surgery. My elbow sure did hurt when I was throwing today. The doctors say it’ll take eight or nine months to rehab.
Fox: Fuck you.
Delhomme: What’s that, sir?
Fox: You heard me, you crawfish-eating fuckstick. God DAMN it! What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
Delhomme: Sorry, sir, it’s just–
Fox: Save “sorry” for someone who gives a ratfuck. Jesus Christ, son, do you realize what this means? No, you have no fucking idea, do you? You’re too concerned with your precious fucking elbow to give one shit about what I have to deal with. Selfish prick.
Delhomme: Sir, I don’t see why you are so upset. I mean, we still have David.
Fox: You mean Mangina?!? You expect me to try and run a team with David fucking Carr under center? Have you seen him play? Why don’t you do me a favor and shoot me in the fucking face right now?
Delhomme: Sir, it’s not that bad. I think you are overreacting.
Fox: OVERREACTING?!? He wears fucking gloves for chrissakes. White gloves, like he’s getting dressed up for a goddamned tea party! And then he throws with that little side-arm flip shit. THAT’S who you want to be our QB? Do you fucking hate me or something? We only signed the prick so I wouldn’t have to worry about my wife fucking the backup QB. He was never supposed to play. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. FUCK!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007. 12:15PM.
David Carr: Coach? Hey, Coach Fox! Wait up! You got a minute?
Fox: Make it fast, Nancy. I’m supposed to go watch Vinnie fucking Testaverde work out. We have to find some kind of backup for you.
Carr: Well, sir, remember that hit I took Sunday? The one where I said it felt like my back popped?
Fox: To tell you the truth, I was drunk all day Sunday. But, yeah, I kind of remember. Why?
Carr: My back is really bothering me today. I tried to throw a little bit and it was hurting to do it.
Fox: Fuck me in the ear.
Carr: Sir?
Fox: “He’s tough,” they said. “We can sign Dave because he’s a tough guy. He never complains and he plays hurt.” That’s what they told me. I thought it was a bad idea; I even told them so. I said, “he throws like a retard and I think he’s queer; are we sure we want him?” But, nooooo, no one listened to me. I mean, I’m only the HEAD FUCKING COACH…why would they listen to me?
Carr: I wasn’t trying to get hurt. I just landed awkwardly and then some people fell on me.
Fox: Cry me a river, you sissified cockeater! You think I need your goddamned excuses? I’m about to go watch a 43-year-old man audition to be our QB. He was born when Kennedy was still in office! Kennedy! Apparently, no new quarterbacks have been born since 1963! And now, with your piece of outstanding fucking news, I get to try and teach this old fuck the playbook in four days. Hey, do me a favor, would ya?
Carr: Sure thing, Coach.
Fox: Go back in time to about ten minutes ago and instead of telling me you are hurt, just sneak up behind me and bury a pick axe in the back of goddamned skull. Maybe light me on fire first. Yeah. Just for good measure. You fucking jerk.
