DGDB&D: a Texans blog.

Worth Noting, I Guess

Sep 2, 2008 2008 Season, Team Records, The Future

According to Pro-Football-Reference, here’s our record against each of the 2008 foes:

Unless my count is off, that is a 20-38 record.  I know history only means so much, but still.

Bennett. Fred Bennett. Revisited.

Jul 21, 2008 Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Faggination, Secondary issues are primary, The Fred, The Future, Training camp 2008

In response to the article quoted in this post, I emailed KC Joyner and asked for a little more explanation of the methodology.  He was kind enough to reply.

Try this on for an expansion:

In Scientific Football 2008 and my 2008 Draft Guide (both of which can be ordered at www.TheFootballScientist.com) I rated matchups by color ranking, with red being difficult, yellow being average and green being favorable. Against red matchup WRs in 2007 (those that gained 9.0 YPA or higher), Bennett allowed only 6.8 YPA.  That’s very good (29th best out of 95 qualifiers) but it pales in comparison to how Bennett handled yellow rated (7-9 YPA) and green rated (less than 7 YPA) WRs.  His 3.3 versus yellow rated was the 2nd best in the league and his 3.0 against green rated was tied for 19th.  Add them all up and his overall YPA against WRs was 2nd best in the league.  I’ve been touting him as a future Pro Bowl candidate for how well he played last year.

So, hopefully, that clears it up a bit more.  Bennett was good against top-notch receivers, very good against mediocre guys, and downright dominant against the guys in-between.  The good news being, of course, that if you assume talent is distributed on a bell curve, Bennett (and all corners) are going to face a lot more “yellow” receivers than “red” or “green” ones.

Now, I know this seems foreign to us as Texans fans, but IF Molden really is ahead of where Bennett was this time last year (as sources seem to be saying) AND IF Ray Rhodes really saw enough talent in Jacques Reeves that the organization thought Reeves was worth that price tag AND IF Dunta comes back at even 90% of where he was…well, kids, we might just be in the enviable situation of having too many very good (or better) CBs.  (And, as a bonus, we can finally give Petey his walking papers.)  Even better, with only one or two of those IFs coming to fruition, we are finally set at CB.

This is all foreign and slightly frightening.  Hold me.

Bennett. Fred Bennett.

Jul 18, 2008 2008 Season, Dunta Robinson, Secondary issues are primary, The Fred, The Future

From the latest issue of ESPN the Magazine:

You heard it here first: these four defenders will bust out in ‘08.
By K.C. Joyner, The Football Scientist

Sleepers? Not exactly. More like Leonardo DiCaprio circa What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. You immediately spotted greatness, but the rest of the world needed some time to recognize it. Each of these defensive players is 24 or younger, and all are on the cusp of that magical tipping point.

[...]

FRED BENNETT
CB, Texans
To experts who say Dunta Robinson is the best corner in Houston, think again. Bennett is not only better than Robinson, the stats say he was the premier corner in the league last season. The 24-year-old Bennett, a fourth-round pick in 2007, actually had better metrics in his eight starts than any numbers Robinson has posted in his four-year career. Bennett’s 4.7 overall YPA led the league among corners with 60-plus attempts, and opposing WRs gained only 67 total yards on the 24 combined medium, deep and bomb passes he faced. With pass-happy teams like the Steelers, Colts and Browns on Houston’s sked in 2008, Bennett’s name will be on everyone’s lips.

Here’s the link, though I don’t know if it will work if you don’t have ESPN Insider.  If not, you’re not missing much, as I’ve included all the relevant text anyway.  I have an email in to KC and I will update this post if he responds.

Until then, just consider this a very, VERY good sign.  If Rhodes can do something with Reeves and/or Molden blossoms, then getting Dunta back is gravy and we suddenly have a real reason to consider moving him to Free Safety.  (For further reasons Dunta would make a great free safety, see my last post re: our FSs past.)

Making an ass out of all of us

Apr 23, 2008 2008 Combine, 2008 Season, DRC, Posts that list too many players, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, The Future

About two weeks ago, grungedave emailed me, asking:

Is this the most “low-key” build-up the NFL Draft in more than a decade?

After I thought about it for a minute, I had to admit he was right. I honestly can’t remember so little hype and talk surrounding the Texans’ upcoming picks. But, you know what? I think this is a good sign.

Here’s what I mean: The reason that we are not hanging on every mock draft and obsessing over this year like past drafts is because we are low enough in the draft that we can only speculate as to who might be there–we have no guarantees of anyone’s availability. Even more importantly, though, we don’t have any one hole that is so glaring that we HAVE to draft to fill it. Hell, if last year’s “8-8 despite having more injuries than the 4077th” showed anything, it’s that this team has a good bit of talent all over the place, meaning that this draft (and future drafts) will be used to tweak and improve rather than to overhaul.

In that vein, I agree with what BFD said–acting like this first pick is make-or-break for this team is ridiculous. If history has shown us anything, it is that NO first round pick is really make-or-break; some have a bigger impact than others, but all are just 1/53rd of the team. Hell, we survived Zoolander, didn’t we?

Speaking of BFD’s last post, in the comments thereto, Stephanie opines the following:

Actually, I don’t put happy faces on picks. However, I do think that most draft addict fans are total morons about the draft. Everybody thinks that if Their Guy doesn’t get picked, and the team drafts The Guy They Really Didn’t Want, then the world will come to the end and they have to drop a bunch of F bombs and the like.
-
And the truth is even teams with all the information in the world, with coach’s tape and interviewing these guys, etc., teams often get it wrong. So I just figure if the teams can’t get it right with the best information out there, then how are draft addict fans any more likely to get it right when they are mostly depending on combine stats and reading second or third hand or totally madeup information about the players on the interwebs.

On some level, I agree with this. After all, I can’t say for sure whether Phillip Merling or Calais Campbell will be the better pro. I can’t tell you whether Leodis McKelvin is really going to be the best corner in this draft or whether Aqib Talib is a great fit for our system. And I sure as shit can’t say with 100% certainty that Jonathan Stewart is not a better fit for our new ZB system than Felix Jones. All I can do in any of these cases is guess.

THAT SAID, there is a guess and there is an informed guess. The former, I think we all agree, is useless. The latter, however, has some merit and provides a somewhat rational basis for arguing about who we should or shouldn’t take.

As to Steph’s larger point, that teams often whiff on the pick, so who are we to argue with them in the first place if they can’t get it right with all the available info, I think there is one glaring problem with that theory. Namely, it assumes that teams are always making rational decisions based on independent evaluations of their team and the players in the draft.

That would be great if it were true, but I have my doubts. Case in point: Last year, Miami, despite needing a QB as well as help in any number of other spots, inexplicably took Ted Ginn, Jr., at 9, with Brady Quinn, Amobi Okoye, Patrick Willis, and Michael Griffin (among others) still available. Even at the moment they made the pick, the collective response from everyone else was “What the fuck?” The only explanation I can come up with is the Dolphins management bought into the hype surrounding Ginn’s speed and thought they needed him. Had they taken an honest look at their team, however, he would not even have been on their radar at 9.

This is not really an isolated incidence, either. Every year, some team buys into a 40-time or a ESPN fluff piece and takes a guy that doesn’t fit their system or that plays a position they don’t really need to fill when there are other players universally-accepted as “better” still available. Note, I am not saying that fans aren’t just as likely to buy into something and get a semi for players that aren’t really that good. We are all fallible when it comes to this process. Still, I don’t think it is “dumb” to boo your team and bitch about a pick if, for example, the Texans took Brian Brohm at 18.

So, as I said above, I can’t tell you whether Merling or Campbell will be the better pro, but I can point out that–if they are both on the board at 18–all of the Combine numbers point to Merling as being a better player, but that his sports hernia surgery in the offseason should at least make you consider Campbell’s freakish build and possibly overlook his poor combine before you roll the dice. On the other hand, I can mention that Merling has the ability to slide inside and play under tackle if you want him, which Campbell cannot. Likewise, I can’t tell you whether McKelvin is the best corner in the draft, but I can tell you that I would prefer not to take a 5-10/190 CB if Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie is available because we play against some big, physical receivers when we play Jacksonville and I think he’d be abused. (And I can point out that Talib has some drug issues (multiple marijuana test failures) and that his hip work is sub-par at best.)

But even these comparison in a vacuum don’t present the whole story, obviously. Determining whether a draft pick was “right” or “wrong” or “absolutely shitty” requires forming a set of assumptions and working rules about your team and your draft. Differences in opinions here are what cause me to want Balmer/R-Cromartie/Merlin, Lee to want Stewart, Dave and BFD to want a corner, Mark to want an OT, Stephanie to want the player most likely to rescue homeless animals, Chris to want…I actually have no idea who Chris wants, and Tim to want the best available at a number of positions. So, without further ado, here are the assumptions I am working under (primarily with respect to the first round). Feel free to correct me and/or realize my brilliance and change your own opinions accordingly.

1. 1. Barring the shocking drop of DRC to 18, I do not want a corner in the first round. We just blew our wad throwing cash after Jacques Reeves. I realize that the rookie money comes from a different pool than the money used to pay Frenchy, but I am of the opinion that drafting someone to fill the exact same hole you just spent your biggest free agent dollars on is the equivalent of pawning your car to play blackjack and then taking out a second mortgage to try and win back the car money. I assume Ray Rhodes saw something he liked in Reeves and, thus, persuaded the powers that be to sign him. If that’s the case and if we are going to blitz more often like we did in the second half of the season last year, it could very well be that Reeves is a good corner for us. I’m willing to take that chance for a year and use our first-rounder elsewhere.
2. **
3. 2. My only exception to the assumption in #1 is DRC. That is because I don’t think you get too many chances as a franchise to draft that kind of physical freak to play defensive back. His cousin is an absolute game changer (see, e.g., the game we played against them) and I am willing to overlook the “good money after bad” theory if you can get someone who can single-handedly change games in the secondary.
4. **
5. 3. Going along with #1, part of what could make Reeves a viable (or better) corner for us is putting him in a position where he’s not trying to cover Reggie Wayne for 5 seconds. The easiest way to do this is to improve the defensive line so that the front four can get better pressure and not have to rely on the SLB as a fifth rusher all the time. Knowing that, the question becomes whether you’d prefer a new DE opposite Mario knowing that Travis Johnson will likely be your nose tackle or whether you’d take a Kentwan Balmer and see if Anthony Weaver bounces back and/or if Earl Cochran continues to show the nose for the ball that he had near the end of last year.
6. **
7. 4. Building off of #3, do you take a Philip Merling at 18 because of his versatility, knowing that you could then run a number of different d-line formations out there based on whether he was at DE or UT? I think you have to consider this approach if you are not planning on getting both a DE and a DT in this draft.
8. **
9. 5. On the offensive side of the ball, many pundits (and a number of blogger/blog commenters) have us taking a LT first. What those people don’t seem to be giving any weight to is the fact that we just brought in the GURU of Zone Blocking–a man who has decades of turning cast-off linemen into integral cogs in the system–as well as a number of guys who would seem to fit his system. And we have a LT (Barbaro) who has never really gotten a chance to play that is due to return (though he is probably not a good fit for the new system). So why not give Gibbs and the current pieces (both returning and free agent) a year so we see just what we do have and what we need to address? It is entirely conceivable that we have all the pieces we need currently on the roster.
10. **
11. 6. Ditto that with running back. We have our albatross from last year (Batman) returning along with Kubiak’s mancrush (Darius Walker) and our newest addition (Chris Brown). Why not wait a year to see if (a) Green has a decent year left in him or (b) one of the other two guys can thrive in a ZBS? If you MUST draft a RB, at least wait until the third or fourth–why draft one when you don’t know exactly how our system is going to shake out?

So, yeah. Those are the assumption I am working under. What say the rest of you?

—

Totally unrelated, but I need some advice. Can someone recommend a good bourbon/whisky/whiskey for someone who generally avoids brown liquors like a toothy blowjob?

If Anna-Megan could read, she’d rip us off, too.

Feb 25, 2008 2008 Draft, Bloggerating, Dancing With the 'Tards, Fuck the Cowboys, Houston Chronicle, I really dig my readers, Megan Manfull is retarded, Pancakes McTard, Roster, Secondary issues are primary, Teams that aren't the Texans, The Future

Now, I know that at least once before, I wrote a post about the Chron ripping off something that happened here and passing it off as original. I was subsequently accused of being overreaching, paranoid, and narcissistic (none of which I can dispute). Whatever. Let’s ride that horse again.

I got an email from Jersey Bill tonight, pointing out a little similarity between a comment he made and a column written by Megan Manfull. Bill writes:

I honestly believe it is a testament to Al Gore’s Internet that this could happen. Notice the post date and time [of this Megan Manfull column]. I put up the same thing about 3 hours before she did in BFD’s CB post. Now, I’m not claiming that I had inside knowledge and this an exclusive. I’m saying that a goof who likes to read a blog about the Texans throws out the same question, and on a nothing doing day, it ends up in a major media website. This pretty much takes another stomp at the dead horse, but how lazy could these writers be? I wouldn’t mind that much, but all these smarmy writers takes shots at fan sites and blogs whenever they get a chance.

Interesting. Let’s investigate. First, Jersey Bill’s comment on BFD’s post about CBs.

Jersey Bill replies at 24th February 2008, 3:42 pm :

Brian Kelly (Bucs CB) opted out of his contract and Michael Huff is available via trade. Wouldn’t it be nice to grab those two with one fell swoop? Certainly would change the draft board.

Now, for Megan’s missive.

How does safety Michael Huff sound for Texans?

There are reports around Oakland that former Longhorns safety Michael Huff is on the trading block. With the draft full of offensive tackles and cornerbacks, the Texans will be looking for safeties in free agency. Anyone want to see Huff become a Texan?

Posted by Megan Manfull at February 24, 2008 07:25 PM

Is it completely plausible that Manfull heard the rumor elsewhere and thought it would provide thought-provoking fodder for her blog. I realize that. At the same time, it is awful convenient (as Bill points out) that on a day when next to nothing is happening other than the combine, Manfull writes a blog entry about something that was posted here three hours prior. (This is where I would say “verrrrry interesting” and stroke my long white beard if I were an evil mastermind.)

It’s ok, Megan. There is no shame in reading DGDB&D. Well, other than some of the stuff BFD writes, that is. All we ask is that you give a little nod or hat tip or some kind of Lilith Fair fish taco wave or whatever.

***

In other, related news, I hope to have some sort of rundown of Combine results tomorrow or Tuesday. My wife and this damned fetus are in “well, it could fall out at any point” mode, so I promise nothing. Actually, that’s not true–I promise a Romo-Simpson wedding post at some point real soon. And if Pancakes does the fake conversation before I do, I will kill a puppy.

This satisfies my obligation to talk about Super Bowl-related stuff

Jan 31, 2008 Awesomeness, Bob McNair, Fuck the Cowboys, Had to post something, Is Roger Goodell gonna have to choke a bitch?, Super Bowl 2011, Super Bowl 2012, The Future

Ever since it was awarded to them, I have thought how incredibly funny and awesome it would be to win our first Super Bowl in 2011 at the Cowboy’s new stadium in Arlington.  I mean, seriously, the thought of Cowboys country having to deal with the throng of Texans fans all week long and then having to watch our team celebrate on their new field?  Wow…I got a little movement just thinking about it.

That said, if for whatever reason we don’t win the Super Bowl that year, winning it the very next would be almost as sweet if Houston is hosting it.  Bob McNair must be thinking the same thing.

“When I received the bid specifications from the NFL, I circulated them to leaders in the community to get their response,” said Robert C. McNair, chairman and CEO of the Houston Texans.  “Their response was an overwhelming and totally-committed ‘YES, we want to bring the 2012 Super Bowl to Houston!’  With that, I said I would totally support our community’s efforts.  Also, fuck the Cowboys.”

I like where his head is at.  That’s a straight-shooter with upper management written all over him.

The article also lists Houston’s qualifications to host another Super Bowl, calling the last one a “huge success” before noting that,

in addition to Reliant Park, Houston will offer the George R. Brown Convention Center – another Houston convention center with nearly one million square feet of exhibit space, plus dozens of other city-owned and privately-owned facilities for the NFL’s use.

With two international airports, thousands of hotel rooms, Tim’s mom’s basement, world-renowned restaurants and retail experiences, and some of the finest sports and convention facilities in the world, there are no NFL requirements that Houston cannot meet or exceed.

Indeed.

History is the distillation of rumour.

Dec 28, 2007 2007 Season, 2008 Season, Andre Johnson, Bloggerating, Casserly blows goats... I have proof, Douchebag Tom, Gary Kubiak, Rosie Rosenfels, Roster, Self-Referential Stuff, Shameless begging, T-shirts, Tempting Fate, The Future, The Schaub Experiment

I’m guessing we all sort of assumed as much but, in case you had any doubts, Kubes said yesterday that Sage Rosenfels will start Sunday’s finale.

I’m going to start Sage. Sage will be our starter going into the game. It will be a game-time decision on Matt on whether he’ll be our backup or the third. Over the course of the next couple of days, we’ll see.

Possible Translation: Sage’s trade value took a hit last week, so I am going to run him back out there, hope they play their second-team defense, and give him a chance to bring that stock back up. Also, I’d be a fool if I let Matt Schaub back out there before his shoulder was 100%. Since I already managed to get Andre Johnson hurt this year, I think I’ll pass on taking another stupid risk. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go remind everyone that Mario was the correct pick.

In all seriousness, though (or at least as much seriousness I can muster), this is the right move. As much as we would like to win this game, it would almost be a pyhrric victory if Matt did further damage to the separated shoulder (or suffered another concussion). Besides, right now, at this exact moment in time, I can’t honestly look any of you in the virtual eye and say that starting Matt gives us any sort of increased likelihood of winning.

Which is NOT to say that I don’t still think Schaub is the guy, both in terms of short-term competition with Sage and long-term health of the franchise.

Unless I am missing something, we have four answers to the question of “What about Sage?” 1. We can hold on to him, content in knowing that we have “The Best Backup in Football” should Schuab get injured. 2. We can take advantage of his reputation as “The Best Backup in Football” and use it to net ourselves players or draft picks to fill more pressing needs. 3. We can make him the starter based on what he’s done this year as compared to Schaub. 4. We can hold on to him and let him and Schaub battle it out next summer because we believe both of them are capable of being an NFL starting QB.

Numbers 1 and 2 both have their merits, but we’ll deal with them in a moment. To my way of thinking, #3 is asinine unless you really, REALLY believe that we messed up by trading for Schaub, which is a pretty hard position to defend and is generally shared only by the same sort of people that believe Tony Hollings was a smart pick. Number 4, though…that’s what this discussion is really about, isn’t it? Because there are intelligent people who honestly believe that Sage is capable of being the starter and that whichever one of the two QBs who wins the battle can be the future of this organization. To those people, I have to say that I respectfully disagree. (To the people in the #3 camp, I disagree, but there is no respect involved.)

I’ve said it before, but there absolutely had to be a reason that Matt Schaub was the most sought backup QB in the league before last offseason. True, he did not have much of a body of work to support that lofty position, but NFL heads had to have seen something they liked in him to drive his pricetag up as high as it went. And in his first two games of this season, when the team was reasonably healthy and there was a semblance of a running game, many fans (myself included) were thrilled about how great the Matt Schaub era was going to be. So, yeah, there have been flashes of starting-caliber ability from Matt. Additionally, red zone INTs notwithstanding, there is no substantial body of evidence that suggests Matt isn’t capable of being a starting QB.

On the other hand, for all Sage has done this year, can we really overlook the fact that in four years of mini-camps and training camps (not to mention the 13 games had played in) he couldn’t beat out such Dolphin luminaries as Jay Fielder, Ray Lucas, Brian Griese, AJ Feeley, and Gus Frerotte? Don’t you think that, if Rosenfels had shown even a glimmer of the ability to be a starter, that he would not have been the one constant on the roster as the Dolphins brought in all those other guys in an effort to find a real QB?

Is this dispositive? Of course not. There is nothing that says future performance has to be directly correlated with past performance. Besides, in theory, it is perfectly believable that a guy languished in an organization so bereft of common sense that he never really had a chance to prove his ability. But, while that sounds nice in theory, can someone point me to one guy–just one–who did next to nothing for four years on a winning team (the Dolphins were over .500 three of Sage’s four years) only to be reborn as a bona fide starter somewhere else? I honestly can’t think of one. The closest I can come up with off the top of my head is Rich Gannon in his four years with Kansas City, but that’s a crappy comparison because (a) Rich had already been in the league seven years when he got to KC, (b) he played much more during his time in KC than Sage did in Miami, and (c) anyone with any sense was screaming for Rich to remain the starter over Elvis Grbac. Still, I suppose Gannon is an example of a very late bloomer, so at least that part holds.

On the contrary, you can think of a number of guys who were thought to be better than they’d shown with their previous teams, only to also suck upon arrival at their new NFL addresses, even if they initially showed promise with the second team. David Carr had some Carolina fans calling for Jake’s head based on some training camp games. How’d that work out? People actually believed that Joey Harrington could be the guy in Atlanta based on…umm…I actually don’t know. Brian Griese has gotten multiple shots like this, always based on a couple good games he had in the preseason or in the previous season. So, do you really have enough faith that Sage is the exception to this pattern that you would let the future of the Texans ride on that belief?

Look, I’m not trying to suggest that Sage hasn’t had a good year, or that his year wasn’t objectively better than Schaub’s. Clearly, it was. I would suggest, however, that we are comparing apples and oranges when we put them side-by-side: one is a guy who came in with a ton of promise, lived up to it for his first two games, then saw his #1 weapon–one of the best three or four WRs in football–go down and his running game go kaput; the other guy is one that has a five year history of not being the best QB on a roster full of crappy QBs, led a nice near-comeback that caused people to ignore his turnovers in that game, then was at the helm when Andre Johnson was back at full strength and the defense began playing much better. Which, I guess, is my long-winded way of saying that Sage’s success this year can just as easily be chalked up to right place, right time as to anything inherent in him. There’s nothing wrong with that–a lot of guys get their initial breaks that way (Kurt Warner, Tom Brady, etc.). But how many of those guys previously lost playing time to Ray effin’ Lucas?

Trying again to make a long story short–if you had to bet your life on one of these two QBs being successful in Houston five years from now, would you take the guy who came into town with enough promise to warrant two second-round picks or the guy who came into town after four years of being the backup to guys who should never have been anything more than backups?

“But,” some of you are probably saying, “why not just keep both of them so we have a solid backup?” Thank you for segueing me into Numbers 1 and 2 from the earlier list. In a perfect world, where every Mario Williams is backed up by an Earl Cochran and every free agent WR can produce like Andre Davis, it would be a fantastic luxury to have a backup of Sage’s quality. Hell, it would be ideal. But, as we all know, this Texans roster is far from complete. Our highest paid player, Anthony Weaver, has been invisible or worse for much of the season. We don’t have a real first- and second-down running back. Strongside linebacker, nose tackle, center, right and left guard, free safety, all continue to be question marks as well. To make matters worse–at least when it comes to filling some of those holes–we don’t have a second-round draft pick this year.

Even if you don’t buy the idea that Sage’s past gives us any sort window into his abilities, the mere fact that we have so many spaces to fill should suggest that, if someone is willing to give us any kind of a package that includes the words “third-round draft pick” we owe it to ourselves to make that deal. We would be letting someone else take the chance that Sage 2008 will be more like Sage 2004 than 2007 and we would be addressing actual, pressing needs.

I have to believe that Smithiak realize this need to get something for Sage and that this is what is driving all the talk about Sage being a quality NFL QB. I mean, otherwise, by telling the fans over and over that Rosenfels is a starting-quality QB and will “push” Matt to be better, they would be creating an instant QB controversy as soon as Matt had one down game. I might have bought that the previous regime was that short-sighted, but I tend to think this group understands these things and would not set Matt or Sage up to fail. Besides, given that Kubiak is by all accounts a huge Matt Schaub fan and has been since the kid arrived, any scenario that doesn’t revolve around getting the best team possible on the field around Matt Schaub would be incongruous with what they’ve been telling us.

Wow…I really didn’t mean to write that much when I started this post. Sorry about that. And I realize that a lot of this is rehashing some old points, so I don’t know that much of it is comment-inducing. Such is life.

****************************************************************************

In other, non-related bits:

• You know how I use the Texans’ logo at the top-left of every post? Well, after seeing that the NFL “asked” HPF to remove team logos and whatnot (and factoring in that there have to be at least a few people out there who are unhappy with their respective portrayals herein), I’m beginning to think that I should get rid of that. Now, this place is pretty graphic-free as it is, so I kind of like having a little something up there for visual interest and to make it easier to see where new posts start if I am scrolling down the page. I think it’s pretty well-known that I am awful at photoshops (right, BFD?), so if any of you can come up with some sort of graphic roughly that same size that “embodies” this blog in some way, I’ll, like, give you my undying love. And a free DGDB&D t-shirt, if you want one. To the extent this is a contest, it ends as soon as I pick one.
• Two different people have asked me if I am rooting for the Titans this weekend since I hate Peyton Manning with such a passion.  No, I am not.  I am rooting for Albert Haynesworth to kill Manning and then get kicked out of the game for violating Peyton’s corpse, but I want Sorgi to lead the Colts to the win.  My reasoning?  Seeing Vince choke away a playoff birth would make Mario’s breakout season extra sweet.  (Also, if we can’t make the playoffs, I don’t want those turds to make it, either.  I am selfish like that.)
• Douchebag Tom the douchey banned commenter is still a douchebag. Which is not really news, but still seemed worth mentioning.

The Northern Lights? At this time of year, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?

Dec 26, 2007 2008 Draft, 2008 Season, Beer, Holiday posts, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Reggie Bush, Rumors, Self-Referential Stuff, Spanish, The Future, Zoolander's snazzy handwear

There is something about the first day of really shitty weather each winter that makes me bust out the old guitar and waste the afternoon. As I was playing today, however, I thought to myself, “I really don’t do this often enough…I should make a New Year’s resolution to play more often!”

Anyway, lameness of my inner conversations aside, I was struck by the fact that no one ever seems to make resolutions that reflect the hedonistic, self-destructive, and questionably-legal things they actually want to do. All we ever hear are “I want to lose weight” and “I want to learn a foreign language” and “I want to catch up on my child support.” Where are the “I will have much more meaningless sex” and “I will drink my body weight in bourbon weekly” that would actually please us if we carried through with them? Think about it–if someone gave you the choice between learning Spanish or having sex with 40 members of the gender of your choosing, which would you pick? Si usted dijo el “Spanish,” usted es un mentiroso. [Author's note: my Spanish sucks.]

To that end, I present the first annual DGDB&D New Year’s Blogolutions. In 2008, I will:

• use the words “fuck” and its derivatives (fucknut, fuckstick, fucktard, etc.) more often.
• make at least one post questioning the heterosexuality of random players and coaches each month.
• continue to mock David Carr and laugh at his failures, even as he becomes less and less relevant to Texans fans.
• continue to make bets of liquor with people I have never met. (Hopefully, I will win one at some point.)
• make a trip to Austin next season to watch a game and get as drunk as possible with people I met on the internet.
• embrace the dorkiness inherent in blogging. And then molest it.
• push fake conversations to the point that someone sends me a cease and desist letter.
• run better between the tackles than Reggie Bush.
• maintain my dominance in Google searches for “Filipino tranny porn” and try to improve my ranking for “houston bukkake parties” and “texans blog.”
• create wildly speculative pre-draft rumors, and proclaim my brilliance for any that might come true.
• convince myself by February that the Texans will make the playoffs in 2008.

Feel free to leave yours in the comments.

Hula Dancing 101 (3 credit hours) Instructor: Prof. Mario Williams.

Dec 14, 2007 2006 Draft, 2007 Season, Awesomeness, Black Salaami, Curious Coaching, DeMeco Ryans, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Jerome Mathis got hurt reading this, Morlon Greenwood, Posts that list too many players, Reggie Bush, Rosie Rosenfels, The Future, The Schaub Experiment, Undrafted Free Agent watch list, Will Demps makes love to the...ladies?

It wasn’t that long ago that Comcast cable decided to slip on the old sandpaper condom and bend me over by moving the NFL Network from basic cable to the “Sports Entertainment Package” and charging extra if I wanted to watch it. I have to say…that was the best extortion I’ve ever been victim to. In all honesty, following last night’s impressive win, I would have paid five times as much for the NFL Network. [Author's Note: If anyone at Comcast reads this and bumps the price up, I'll fucking blow your shit up. For real.]

Anyway, what you witnessed last night–from the pitch-perfect opening drive to the Mario Williams show–was the most complete and most dominant game your Houston Texans have ever played. Ohmygoditsbulletedlisttime!!!!

• Like you don’t know where I am going to start. Mario Williams–excuse me, SUPER Mario Williams–is a bad motherfucker. He’s like Shaft, but with a better 40 time. Who’s the defensive end/ that just sacked Cutler again?/ MARIO!/I can dig it. Seriously, though…wow. As one of roughly nine people in the world who liked the Mario pick from day one, watching last night’s game gave me a weird sense of satisfaction. 13 sacks on the season, our single-season and career sack leader (besting immortals Jeff Posey and Kailee Wong, respectively), and, by all accounts, a great guy and an emerging lockerroom leader? Fuck Reggie Bush.
• How great was that first drive to watch? The line held up well, Darius Walker ran just enough to make the play-action make sense, and Andre Johnson had his way with the Denver DBs. Seeing how much Andre’s mere presence changes this team, there are a whole lot of “what ifs” about this season that revolve around him not missing eight games. After all, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say his presence would have been worth at least one more win, possibly two. Atlanta? Tennessee? Indy? How much different is this year if he’d stayed healthy Kubiak hadn’t allowed him to get hurt?
• Morlon Greenwood continues to be the most underrated player on this defense. 12 tackles, solid in both pass and run defense, and a couple big hits. I don’t know about you, but I will take that out of my Will every single Sunday. Or Thursday.
• Two dropped INTs aside, this patchwork secondary continues to play miles above their heads. That play Jamar Fletcher made in the endzone was as good a recovery as you’ll see. Fred continues to develop nicely. Smoove Will might have butter fingers, but he is hitting people like they are standing between him and sweet virgin ass. Girl ass, even. Getting Petey out of there and getting the defense to blitz (more on that in a second) has made all the difference in the world for this unit. When (if?) Dunta comes back healthy, he and Bennett should be a better one-two punch than we’ve ever had. Or, if we really want to give me a raging boner, we could sign Nnamdi Asomugha and let Dunta play free safety, where he could hit people and go after the ball without worrying that the surgically repaired leg was going to hamper him in one-on-one coverage. Just sayin’.
• If you are Rick Smith, don’t you HAVE to sign Andre’ Davis to a multi-year deal with some guaranteed money and just tell Jerome Mathis not to let the door hit him on the way out (lest it break his fragile spine)? Davis was fantastic in the receiving game when Johnson was out and he’s become a kick return ninja of late. Why not ink him?
• Mario Williams. Just wanted to mention him again.
• ND Kalu…nice to see you again!
• Whether or not you are on the Sell Sage bandwagon, you have to admit that he did nothing at all to hurt his value last night. He even offered the slowest bootleg TD run in history and capped it off with a Special Olympics bronze-winning dive.
• I have no idea how he did it, but Ephraim Salaam managed to make Elvis Dumervil a non-factor last night. If you’d given me 100-1 odds that Salaam would pull that off, I still wouldn’t have touched it. That was beyond surprising.
• Early in the second quarter, a friend of mine in NY turned on the game and, almost immediately, sent me a text saying “was that a Texans blitz?!” You bet your ass it was. Over the last two weeks, this defense has worked straight linebacker blitzes (especially using Charlie Anderson off the edge) and zone blitzes with Anthony Weaver and/or Anthony Maddox dropping into coverage to fill the holes. Now, I ain’t sayin’ that the powers-that-be read my little truck stop/strip joint on the information superhighway, but I am pretty sure I’ve seen this before. Now…how is it that it took them 13 weeks to figure this out?
• As with any game, win or lose, there were some things that still need to be fixed. First, Jacoby Jones–seriously, what the fuck? How can he be Dante Hall in the preseason and Dante Hicks in the regular season? Second, can someone PLEASE explain to me why Vonta Leach is getting so many looks in the passing game? General rule: Your run blocking FB getting a one-yard TD run? Acceptable. Your run blocking FB getting a 23-yard pass thrown his way on a skinny post route? No gracias, amigo.
• It feels weird to be this far into a recap without having mentioned DeMeco Ryans. Playing on a bum wheel, he notched six tackles and was a half-step short of getting a sack. Meaning he is better with a bad ankle than a lot of linebackers are at 100% health.
• Finally, kudos to Darius Walker and Ron Dayne on a very productive night running the ball. 24 carries for 143 yards and a TD is something we’ll take from the running game every single week. I am right at the point where I feel like we should keep the Dayne Trayne around next year as our RB2. Preferably behind Michael Turner or Felix Jones.

So, that’s that. 7-7 with two potentially brutal games upcoming. It could be better. It could be a lot worse. Fuck it…bring on the Colts.

Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it’s time for our viewers to crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside?

Nov 28, 2007 2007 Season, 2008 Draft, Charles Spencer, Football 101, Fred Weary is dirty, Free Agency, Offensive (punch)Line, Secondary issues are primary, The Future

Somehow, between my switch to WordPress and my continued insistence on making up conversations, I managed to miss talking about the departure of Mike Sherman. Thankfully, the more sane among us have been all over it. Even better, in Tim’s coverage and the comments thereto, an interesting point was raised–will the departure of Sherman signal the end of the Green Bay influence on our offensive line play? More specifically, will the lack of a competing philosophy of run-blocking cause Kubiak to shift more toward a true one-cut, zone blocking running game like they use in Denver?

Before we get ahead of ourselves, however, let’s bust out the ol’ football primer, just so we are on the same page. (If you already know all this, please feel free to skip ahead to the part where it says ***STOP SKIMMING!!!***)

Not long ago, I heard a color commentator mention during an NFL game that a “zone blocking system is one in which the lineman all have a specific area they are responsible for, kind of like a zone defense in basketball.” I found the same sort of thought at Football Outsiders, too. While this is more-or-less, sorta kinda accurate when it comes to pass blocking, it is not correct vis-a-vis run blocking. Or, at least, not near correct enough to get the point across. At its most basic level, all a zone run blocking scheme means is that the offensive linemen work in pairs against two or three of the defensive linemen–i.e. the guard and center simultaneously block a defensive tackle–with one of the offensive linemen then peeling off and blocking a linebacker. The “zone” the system refers to is the part of the line where the running play is going. This is what creates the “one cut” system, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

Let’s walk through a example play where the running back is supposed to go right against a 4-3 defensive front. At the snap of the ball, the left tackle and left guard block the nose tackle, the center takes under tackle, and the right guard and right tackle block the left defensive end. This two-on-one blocking allows the offensive front to get a push and, also, to create the running lanes. Now, here’s where it gets tricky. Depending on certain factors (where the defensive player lined up, which direction the running play is going, where the linebacker is in relation to the defensive lineman, etc.), one offensive player from each double-team will disengage the defensive lineman and pick up the corresponding linebacker. So, in our example, assuming a standard 4-3 Over, the left tackle would disengage and slide to the second level to pick up the Will linebacker, the right guard would do the same and pick up the Mike linebacker, and the TE would be responsible (from the snap) for the Sam linebacker.

If this is done correctly, there should be a hole between the TE and Right Tackle, the Center and where the Right Guard was, and the Center and Left Guard. This is the “inside zone” and is where the “one cut” comes into play. In this system, the running back chooses one of these holes, makes his single cut, and goes. Ideally, he won’t make this cut until he is almost to his offensive lineman, thus allowing the defense less time to react to his angle. By contrast, the “outside zone” is the area beyond the TE/Sam block. Plays designed to seal off the defense and open up the outside zone do not have the “one cut” aspect to them–the running back is obligated to head outside (in theory, at least)–so the linemen block similar to a man blocking scheme, where there is a pre-determined hole.

***STOP SKIMMING!!!***

That’s all well and good, but how does that translate to our system? Well, as Tim correctly notes, the zone blocking scheme almost invariably features smaller, more agile offensive linemen. The reason should be obvious–it is not going to be real easy for a Larry Allen to engage a defender, then slide his big butt away from the block and pick up a linebacker who is 4 or 5 tenths of a second faster than he is. Besides, since you are hitting at the initial point of attack with a 2-on-1 advantage, you don’t need a pair of 340 lb. behemoths; a pair of 280 lb. lineman will work just fine, with the added bonus of being able to pick up linebackers and be more maneuverable in space.

And therein lies the rub. Look at our current crop of O-linemen. All are over 300 lbs. Of the opening day starters, only Eric Winston and Steve McKinney are agile enough (arguably, in McKinney’s case) to play in a zone blocking scheme. Charles Spencer–assuming he ever recovers from that injury–is far too large to play the role effectively. Of the backups, Chris White is the right size, but who knows if he is actually all that good? Kasey Studdard isn’t overly agile and he’s too heavy. And so on, and so forth.

On top of this personnel issue, there is the problem that such a scheme takes a long time to install. It’s not a plug-and-play system where you just tell the guys “ok, we’re switching to zone” and it takes care of itself. The teamwork required in knowing which blocker is to disengage and find the linebacker is not something that happens overnight. Even if you already had five offensive linemen who fit the system, it’s doubtful that such a change could be made successfully in one summer of workouts. A full summer and camp of practice would allow you to run it, but the bugs and kinks of the system would take at least a full season of play to work out. And, like I said, that is with five guys who were perfect fits.

In general, I am a fan of the zone run blocking system, if only because I feel like it’s easier to find guys who are 280-300 and somewhat agile just by culling from the college players who are “undersized” or even “too small” according to the Mel Kipers of the world. I also like the system’s emphasis on blocking through the second level instead of allowing that level to come to you. That said, I don’t know that you can slowly switch to such a system. If Kubiak and Co. decided that they wanted to run it, such a change would require dedicating much of your draft and free agent money to finding the right guys (and, thus, ignoring the glaring problems in the defensive backfield). It would also require telling guys like Fred Weary and Chester Pitts and Ephraim Salaam, “sorry, but you’re not really needed anymore.” I don’t know that our regime is willing to make such dedications and statements at this point.

The more things change…

Nov 19, 2007 2006 Draft, 2007 Season, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Fuck the Cowboys, Houston Chronicle, Reggie Bush, Self-Referential Stuff, Super Mario, The Future

February 7, 2038

Television Announcer: …and, with that, the Houston Texans are Super Bowl Champions for the fourth time in franchise history! For head coach Sage Rosenfels, this victory has to be extra sweet. Let’s head down to the Erin Andrews’ Robot Clone for an interview with the Super Bowl LXII MVP, defensive back DeMarcus Faggins, Jr .

Me: (turning off TV) Computer.

Computer: Yes, handsome?

Me: Dictate blog post.

Computer: Ready.

Me: And so, it came to pass that, on this seven–

Grandson #1: (running in from other room) Grandpa! Grandpa! We won!!

Grandson #2: Tell us about the old Texans, grandpa!

Me: Ok, ok. Calm down. What do you guys want to hear about?

Grandson #2: Mario Williams!

Grandson #1: Andre Johnson!

Me: Well, I can do that. In fact, I think I can tell you about both of them at once. (reclining into virtual chair) The year was 2007. Things were veeerrry different back then.

Grandson #2: What do you mean?

Me: Well, for one thing, kids were not sponsored by corporations, so your name would just be “George” instead of “Home Depot presents George.”

Grandson #1: And my name wouldn’t have “presented by Massengil” in it?

Me: Exactly. And another thing–Senator Sean Preston Federline was just a little white-trash toddler being neglected by his mom. Only we saw it every single day on national TV. It was her OD on Red Bull and Marlboro Lights in 2009 that really saved Sean.

Grandson #2: Wow! What were the Texans like?

Me: Well, back in 2007, they were still looking for their first winning season. They had gotten rid of David Carr–

Grandson #1: The gay actor?

Me: Yep, but this was before he came out of the closet and started dating Tony Romo. Anyway, they’d finally gotten rid of him and they’d traded for Matt Schaub, who would later go on to become the mayor of Houston. Even though things were looking up, though, the team was still taking a lot of flack from the media for taking Mario Williams in the 2006 draft over this guy named Reggie Bush.

Grandson #2: The media? You mean blogs?

Me: No, George, I mean print media. You see, back then, newspapers were actually sold in paper form instead of being delivered over email. And the writers at the Houston Chronicle, which doesn’t exist anymore, were constantly bashing Mario Williams. This one asshole–excuse me–this one jerk, Richard Justice, was continually making up lies and trying to convince people that Mario was awful. Years later, Justice was arrested for trafficking in Ethiopian child porn. Really strange case, that one.

Anyway…it happened in 2007 that the New Orleans Saints–this was before New Orleans sank into the Gulf and the team moved to Utah–came to Houston with both teams sporting 4-5 records. This was the big “Mario versus Reggie” matchup people were waiting for. To add to the drama, though, Andre Johnson had been injured since week 2 and was returning for this game. Oh, and our secondary had lost all sorts of players, including Hall of Famer Dunta Robinson.

Well, the media–remember, this was before blogs like mine and “Tim’s Battle Red Blogging Extravaganza presented by Old Crow” had really taken off–were predicting that Reggie would run all over our defense, that Mario would be a non-factor, and that Matt wouldn’t have time to even look for Andre Johnson.

Grandson #1: What happened?!

Me: Pretty much everything that they thought would not happen. Matt hit Andre on a 73 yard TD early in the game. Our secondary knocked down a bunch of passes and came up with some key interceptions. Mario had 6 tackles and a sack. And Reggie was awful, fumbling twice and averaging around two yards per carry.

Grandson #2: Ewww. That’s awful.

Me: Tell me about it. That game really marked the beginning of the end for Bush. Within three years, he was a punt returner for the Cleveland Browns.

Grandson #1: What happened with the Texans?

Me: Well, they wound up .500 in 2007, made the playoffs for the first time in 2008 and, in February 2011, won their first Super Bowl by defeating the San Francisco 49ers in the Cowboys new stadium. Your uncle Rupert was conceived later that same night in a hotel room in Arlington after a few too many dri–um, err, I mean… it’s bedtime, fellas. Go kiss grandma goodnight.

Grandson #2: Goodnight, grandpa.

Me: Computer.

Computer: Yes, magnificent one?

Me: Scratch the last post. I’m tired; just use the old “fake conversation” template and mail one in.

Computer: As you wish. Fuck the Cowboys.