Goodbye Stranger
May 22, 2008 Anna-Megan is retarded, Dancing With the 'Tards, Fake Conversations with Real People, I had to use Google for the JR's joke I swear, Inanity, Inflamed body parts, This might have crossed a line...but so what?, Travis Johnson, Vince Young can't read this post
Game Show Host: Aaaaaand, we’re back! It’s time for the lightning round. You all know how this works; You pick a category, I ask a question and, if you get it right, I ask you another one. If you get it wrong, the next person gets a chance to answer. The first person to answer five correct wins. Travis, as the only person without a negative dollar amount following round one, you get to go first. Please choose from General Knowledge, Human Anatomy, and Authors.
Travis Johnson: General Knowledge.
Host: OK…name the first President of the United States.
Johnson: George Washington–
Host: Correct!
Johnson: Carver.
Host: Um…incorrect. Ms. Raley, your question.
Anna-Megan Raley: What?
Host: It’s your turn to answer the question.
Raley: What question?
Host: Name the first President of the United States.
Raley: Sam Houston.
Host: Ugh. No. Vince, please, who was the first president of the United States?!
Vince Young: Oh, that’s that dude on the dollar bills I put down those strippers pants at JR’s. Oh, what’s his name…um…Washington! Yeah, George Washington!
Host: Correct! Next question: In the equation 2x+4=6, what does x stand for?
Young: X? Hold up! This is a trick question, dawg. X is a letter, not a number!
Host: Good god. I mean, seriously…sweet holy Jesus. Travis?
Johnson: (dancing to music no one else hears) Word.
Host: What does X stand for?
Johnson: Shoot, I dunno…one?
Host: Wow…that’s right! OK, what is the capital of Texas?
Johnson: Ha, that’s easy, dude! The letter T!
Host: What? Oh. No. Anna-Megan?
Raley: (two octaves higher) Uh huh!
Host: Ow. What is the capital of Texas?
Raley: AUSTIN!!!!!
Host: Yes, but please calm down. You still have to answer four more to win, ok?
Raley: OK!
Host: (sighing) Jesus. In the sentence, “the dog bit the cat,” what part of speech is “dog?”
Raley: I love dogs! What color is he?!
Host: WHAT PART OF SPEECH IS THE WORD “DOG?”
Raley: The tail?
Host: (stares blankly at Anna-Megan)
(stares)
(stares)
(considers the sweet release of death)
Host: Moving on…Vince, what part of speech is “dog?”
Young: (removes shirt) A noun, dude.
Host: I honestly have no idea how you knew that, but correct!
(bell rings)
Host: Oh, we are running short on time! That means it only takes THREE correct answers to win the lightning round. Vince, if you can answer this, you will win. How many sides are there on a dodecahedron?
Young: I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout dinosaurs.
Host: (muttering) Goddamnit. Travis, dodecahedron, sides?
Johnson: It burns when I pee.
Host: (eyes fill with tears)
(stabs self in the chest with pocket knife)
(dies)
Johnson: Whoa. That’s some fucked up shit there, dude. (looks at Raley and Young) Yo, Vince, you wanna stuff this broad like a pair of Chinese finger cuffs?
Young: (rubbing nipples) Nah, dawg. You know I don’t get down like that. (realizes what he said) Um, with, uh, white women. Yeah, that’s it. Nothing to do with guys at all…no, no sir, not me. Not that, like, there’s anything wrong with that, but, you know, I ain’t, um, like that…
Johnson: Whatever. (to Raley) Yo, bitch, you ever get yo’ shit rocked by a big ol’ dude like me?
Raley: Puh-lease…how do you think I GOT my job? Let’s go back to your place and I’ll show you why they called me “Ol’ Three Hole” in college. (pauses) You’re wearing a condom though…Lord knows I don’t need another inflamed elvis.
